July 2021 Parenta magazine

10 ways to
if they have support and love, rather than
feeling rejected and backed in a corner.
build children’s
8
self-esteem
Building self-esteem in children is crucial because it ultimately
underpins their choices and decisions in life. If we believe
we have worth and value, we are more likely to take care of
ourselves and explore our full potential.
Here are 10 ways that can help build a
child’s self-esteem:
1
Praise effort and attributes
over ability
It’s always great to achieve what you set
out to do. However, there are times in life
when we try our best and still fall short.
Failure is a part of life and there are many
lessons in failure that quite often become
stepping stones to success. Children need
to learn that things like effort, resilience
& persistence are worth celebrating. By
praising these attributes, you reinforce
their importance and teach children that
their greatness doesn’t just exist when
they are winning or being perfect.
2
Focus on behaviour rather
than character
People are not their behaviour. Quite often
challenging behaviour is a sign of a child’s
struggles, and it is important for us to be
the calm in their chaos. By linking their
character to their mistakes, you imply that
they are not good enough as a person,
which is hugely detrimental to self-esteem.
Just
Just
because
because
they
they
have
have
got
got
something
something
wrong
wrong
does
does
not
not
mean
mean
they
they
are
are a
bad
bad
person,
person,
so
so
our
our
language
language
needs
needs
to
to
reflect
reflect
this.
this.
When
When
addressing
addressing
behaviour
behaviour
always
always
refer to the action and not the child.
refer to the action and not the child.
3
Give choices and autonomy
Nobody likes to feel controlled, and it
can be very disempowering when we
feel backed into a corner. By giving
children choice it empowers them to be
in command of themselves and builds
confidence because it gives them a voice.
4
Own your mistakes and
apologise
Just because we are adults does not
mean that we always get things right. By
owning our mistakes and apologising, we
teach children about responsibility and
model that it’s okay to get things wrong.
Modelling perfection gives children a very
high, if not impossible standard to live up
to. However, by taking responsibility we
pave the way for children to do the same
and build their confidence in us because
they know that we are authentic.
5
Let them take risks
Our natural reaction is quite often to put
out a hand to help children when they are
in risky situations. Obviously if a child is at
serious risk we should always help them.
However, by allowing them to take small
risks it can build confidence and selfesteem
because it shows them that you
trust their ability and it also gives them the
opportunity to push their own limits and
problem-solve.
6
Nurture their uniqueness
Every child is unique and has their own
strengths and weaknesses. When a child
walks to the beat of their own drum, even
if it’s a beat we don’t understand, it is
important for us to see the greatness in
their individuality and to advocate that
being different is okay. Quite often, the
people who change the world are the
ones who don’t think the same way as
everyone else.
7
Lead with love
Behaviour is always communication
and the children that are in need of the
most love are often the ones displaying
the most challenging behaviour. Setting
boundaries should never equate to a
withdrawal of love. You can still be firm
and reinforce that you care. By doing
this, children learn that despite their
mistakes, you are still their safe space
and that regardless of these mistakes,
they are still loved and supported to
move forward in a better way. Our job is
to nurture and guide children. Everyone
makes mistakes, however, people are far
more likely to see the error of their ways
Let them work things out
It can be hard to watch children struggle,
but if we rescue them too quickly, we are
taking away the opportunity for them to
problem-solve and to overcome difficulty.
There is no better feeling than coming out
the other side when you face a challenge
and knowing that you achieved that
outcome. Giving words of encouragement
and telling children that you believe in them
will inspire them to keep trying. Quite often
the feeling of wanting to quit comes just
before a big breakthrough. By allowing
children to get to that point and gently
supporting them through it, we are giving
them the opportunity to step out of their
comfort zone and into their greatness.
9
Make sure your expectations
are age appropriate
Children look at the world through a lens
influenced by their age. What seems small
to us will be huge to them, so it’s important
to adjust our expectations and to make
sure that they are realistic.
Let them help
10
By allowing children to help us with different
jobs we give them the opportunity to
demonstrate their competence and we also
teach them that their contribution is valued.
This in turn builds self-esteem and selfworth
because we are showing them that
we trust their ability, value and appreciate
their help.
Stacey Kelly
Stacey Kelly is a former teacher, a parent
to 2 beautiful babies and the founder
of Early Years Story Box, which is a
subscription website providing children’s
storybooks and early years resources.
She is passionate about building
children’s imagination, creativity and
self-belief and about creating awareness
of the impact that the early years have
on a child’s future. Stacey loves her role
as a writer, illustrator and public speaker
and believes in the power of personal
development. She is also on a mission
to empower children to live a life full
of happiness and fulfilment, which is
why she launched the #ThankYouOaky
Gratitude Movement.
Sign up to Stacey’s Premium Membership
here and use the code PARENTA20 to get
20% off or contact Stacey for an online
demo.
Email: stacey@earlyyearsstorybox.com or
Telephone: 07765785595
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/
earlyyearsstorybox
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/
eystorybox
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/
earlyyearsstorybox
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/
stacey-kelly-a84534b2/
32 July 2021 | parenta.com
parenta.com | July 2021 33