CCChat-Magazine_Issue-26-Trauma-Bonding

Ruth Stearns
on the misapplication of trauma bonding
Ruth Stearns is the
Communications and
E-Learning Manager
at Safe and Together
Institute. She has been
in training and
implementation since
1995 when her career
began as a middle
school teacher in
post-revolutionary
Nicaragua.
Ruth has also worked
as a professional
business coach
specialising in systems
and practice
management.
Aside from her
professional
accomplishments,
Ruth is a published
poet, writer and public
speaker and has
worked with clients
using various energy
medicine and bodycentric
coaching
techniques
for trauma recovery.
Drawing on her
childhood experiences
growing up in an
abusive, religious cult
and as a survivor, she
is a fierce advocate for
those who have
experienced abuse.
I
recently
listened to a really interesting
podcast in which Ruth Stearns spoke
about her concerns on the use of the
term trauma bonding and how it is
misapplied. As a result of that podcast,
here is a really fascinating interview.
M: What is your understanding of trauma bonding?
R: Trauma bonding was created as a theory that
recurring and cyclical patterns of abuse, perpetrated
with intermittent reinforcement through words and
punishment, create a bond between the perpetrator
and the victim. The original definition of Trauma
Bonding, as a psychological theory, was focused on the
perpetrator. The DSM definition is clear that the
trauma bonds are created by the actions and choices of
a perpetrator, intentionally, to lock a victim in their
clutches. But, much like many other theories, trauma
bonding has been turned around to be focused on the
survivor or the victim of those crimes as an attempt to
“explain” why victims ‘stay’. It has become a victim
blaming tool which is supporting incidence based
practice and failure to protect narratives which make
survivors responsible for the choices of a violent
partner.
In the 1980’s, Donald Dutton and Susan Painter
explored the concept of trauma bonding theory in the
context of abusive intimate relationships between men
and women. They focused on the parent/child
relationship and sexual exploitation. Patrick Carnes,
who developed the term, described the “misuse of fear,
excitement and sexual feelings to entangle another
person” which is very perpetrator focused.
Unfortunately, in our victim blaming systems trauma
bonding has become focused on how survivors respond
to the perpetrators’ patterns of coercive control and
domestic violence rather than being focused on the
perpetrators’ choices and behaviours.
Making The Invisible Visible