CCChat-Magazine_Issue-26-Trauma-Bonding

" It becomes normal for that child to believe that they are
shameful and faulty and not as good as everybody else."
because the person who is abusing
them will be picking on something that
they’ve done – you didn’t do this right,
you didn’t do that right, I was in a good
mood until you did this.
M: You’re the only one who can bring
out my bad side, no one else can.
K: That’s absolutely right. God, what’s
wrong with you? Why did you make
me do this to you? It’s that sense of
how could you do this? Why could you
do this to me? So these kids feel so
terrible about themselves – they think
that they’re faulty, they’re flawed,
shameful. They’ve been humiliated by
their parent and so they will try and do
everything that is the opposite to that,
to try and win their parent over.
What we know with abusive parents is
that it doesn’t matter what you end up
doing, no matter what this child does,
the cycle will always come back to
where they get abused again and so
these kids never really feel that they
have got it right because you never win
with abusers. It becomes normal for
that child to believe that they are
shameful and faulty and not as good as
everybody else, that they’re not
loveable so then when an abusive man
comes along, they are prime targets
because what the man does is love
bomb that person. They choose
someone who will fall for them and not
question them when they throw this
ridiculous love at them at the
beginning.
Making The Invisible Visible