Henley and Marlow Lifestyle Nov - Dec 2021

ADVERTISING FEATURE
Separating from your spouse?
Sue Andrews, family partner, B P Collins, firmly believes that letting the courts
decide on child arrangements and finances should be a last resort. Here she explains
some pitfalls and other options available if you’re thinking of separating...
A recent Channel 4 survey on the family
courts and the resolution of arrangements
for children reported that:
• Among those whose cases had
concluded, over 70% of mothers
and fathers were unhappy with the
outcome.
• 67% of parents agreed or strongly
agreed that their children’s
mental health had been affected
by participation in the court
proceedings.
• Court proceedings were reported to
have taken on average 18 months
to complete, with 1 in 10 cases
lasting more than 5 years.
• The average cost of proceedings
was said to be around £13,000,
though 1 in 20 claimed they had
spent over £100,000.
These findings demonstrate why court
proceedings should be a last resort for
separating couples. They are a blunt
instrument which can be clumsy, lengthy
and costly. Where possible, couples
should aim to reach an agreement/
compromise acceptable to them both
since how you deal with the issues,
as well as the outcome, will affect you
and your children for many years to
come, and for some people, a lifetime.
Communication, which includes listening,
is key. Where feelings are running high,
counselling can help a couple deal with
the emotional fallout of the separation
and how and what to communicate to
their children.
Giving each other time to come to terms
with what is a complete life-change
is likely to help, as is respecting each
other. This, and remembering what
brought you together, should prevent
the adoption of extreme and polarised
positions, and instead enable, at least,
some understanding of a former partner’s
viewpoint – which may be driven by fear,
grief and uncertainty.
It is also essential, if a good ending is
to be achieved, to be honest with each
other both about why the marriage has
broken down as well as about finances
and future plans.
What if direct communication is
difficult?
If direct communication is difficult, then
discussions in mediation can be helpful,
since a mediator will help to neutralise
the discussion by reducing the emotion
in the room and, where the issues are
the child arrangements, ensuring that the
needs of children are the key focus.
If a determination by a third party is
needed, arbitration can be considered as
an alternative to the court process. While
the arbitrator’s fee is an additional cost, it
can be less expensive and quicker than
the courts in the long run, because it can
enable a more streamlined procedure
involving fewer hearings. The arbitrator
will be an experienced family lawyer
selected by both former partners, who
will set aside the whole time allocated, to
deal with your matter, rather than having
to juggle a number of matters as a judge
usually has to do. An arbitrator’s decision
is final, in the same way as a court
decision, with both being subject to very
limited grounds for appeal.
If the issue is about child arrangements
thought could be given to the instruction
of an independent social worker (ISW).
In many such cases, a report from
CAFCASS (Children and Family Court
Advisory Service) will be ordered by
the courts, however the time allocated,
and resources available to them, is
often too limited to comprehensively
investigate and assess the family
involved and get to grips with the issues
and the inter-family relationships. So,
again, while the instruction of an ISW
will involve an additional cost, they
will be able to provide a thorough and
detailed assessment to the court and
to the parents, which could facilitate an
agreement and the suspension of the
court proceedings.
In short, only consider court proceedings
after other avenues have been explored
or where absolutely necessary, since the
court process will mean that you both
will no longer be in charge of the final
decision, which, according to Channel 4’s
survey, only 30% of parents were happy
with.
For professional advice and support,
please contact B P Collins’ family partner,
Sue Andrews on 01753 279046 /
01844 397397 or email
sue.andrews@bpcollins.co.uk.
B P Collins can also help if you are
a victim of domestic violence and
direct communication is not possible.
Support is also available by calling the
National Domestic Abuse Helpline on
0808 2000 247.
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