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How to help victims of
gender-based violence
Ask a survivor what you can do to assist, and offer practical support
❝
Survivors who are not
believed are essentially ‘re-
traumatised’ as their
account is picked apart or
brushed aside by those they
trust to help them.
LAURA RUNCHMAN
In SA, gender-based violence (GBV) is an
epidemic, with one in three women
subjected to some form of abuse in their
lifetime.
Both men and women can experience GBV,
though women and children are much more
likely to be abused, typically at the hands of men
and boys.
The high prevalence of GBV in this country,
cutting across class, race and culture to
influence every citizen in some form, means
recognising the signs of abuse, assisting victims
and preventing further violence is the
responsibility of every South African.
Firstly it is very important that everybody
knows the signs of GBV, which can take the
following forms in adult or child victims:
● Fear of or loss of trust in a parent, caregiver or
family member;
● Sudden and extreme changes in mood, such
as increased anger or irritability;
● Fearfulness and excessive, constant crying;
● Extreme and inappropriate sexual activity or
showing inappropriate interest in sexual subject
matter relative to one’s age;
● Social isolation and fearing certain places or
social situations;
● Nightmares and an inability to fall or remain
asleep;
● Physical signs such as unexplained bruises,
scratches or marks on the skin.
If a survivor of abuse decides to speak to you
in confidence about their experiences, the most
important thing you can do is believe them.
Survivors who are not believed are
essentially “r e - t ra u m a t i s e d ” as their account is
picked apart or brushed aside by those they trust
to help them.
In turn, the survivor’s decision to approach
someone for help and share their experiences
with them requires extreme courage and not
being believed can discourage the survivor and
other victims from coming forward again.
Should a survivor confide in you, it is
important that you do your utmost to listen to
them with compassion, empathy and without
judgment, while also assuring them that they are
not alone and that support is available for them.
It would therefore be beneficial to know of
any crisis or counselling centres and other
resources of support that you could inform the
survivor of, should they want to seek
professional support.
Supporting survivors also means avoiding
victim-blaming – by questioning the survivor on
how they could have prevented the abuse.
Placing the blame on the survivor is
extremely dangerous as it reinforces the feelings
of shame that they are already likely
experiencing and discourages them from
reporting the abuse. Ultimately, this attitude
prevents the abusers who are responsible for the
s u r v ivo r s ’ trauma from being held accountable
and thereby contributes to continued violence.
GBV is never the fault of the survivor, no
matter the circumstances in which the abuse is
perpetuated.
The ways in which you help a survivor of
GBV should be directed by the survivor
themselves, and not imposed upon them.
Therefore, ask the victim what they need and
wh a t you can do to assist them.
Offering practical support, such as going
with the survivor to the police station or hospital,
and providing resources, such as connecting the
victim with a counsellor at Masithethe
Counselling Services that can provide
psychosocial support, should be done with the
s u r v ivo r ’s knowledge and permission and
depend on their needs and desires.
This also means respecting the survivor’s
boundaries, which would likely have been
violated during the course of their abuse, and
empowering them by providing them with the
opportunity to make their own decisions.
Reporting the abuse to their local police
station or Thuthuzela One Stop Centre is also a
decision that the survivor should make,
depending on what they believe is best for them.
It may also be helpful to regularly check up
on the survivor, asking if there is anything you
can do for them and reassuring them that you
believe them and are available to support them
when necessary.
Always remember it is never the victim’s
fault, it is a crime to abuse a woman or child and
the guilt, blame and shame should always be
with the perpetrator.
Assisting survivors of GBV can also take the
form of challenging the sexist and patriarchal
beliefs that underlie the perpetuation of abuse.
Challenging those who use sexist language
and engage in victim-blaming, as well as
engaging in conversations with the men in your
life about these issues, are important for planting
seeds of change.
An individual’s beliefs typically fuel their
actions, so tackling harmful beliefs about
gender-based violence can go a long way in
addressing the high rates of abuse seen in SA.
It is also important for parents and caregivers
to set good examples for the children in their
care by, for instance, treating both girls and boys
equally and educating boys about how women
and girls should be treated.
- Laura Runchman is a counsellor at
Masithethe Counselling Services (formerly
LifeLine East London), which has been offering
confidential and free counselling since 1985.
- Contact Masithethe on: 043-722-2000 or
WhatsApp 084-091-5410. Email:
admin@masithethe.co.za
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