SOUTH AFRICAN CULINARY HERITAGE

To_______________

Enjoy the tour, recipes

and family talks

From__________

Date_____________

South African

Culinary Heritage

A Table Of Culinary Heritage

And Sincere Conversations

South African

Culinary Heritage

A Table Of Culinary Heritage

And Sincere Conversations

Eunice Rakhale-Molefe

Copyright © 2021 Eunice Rakhale-Molefe

BOOK TOURISM

A Hallmark of

CEM Publishers

info@booktourismsa.com

www.booktourism.co.za

Editor Victor Mecoamere

Cover Christo Wolmarans

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be

reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by

any means, without prior permission from the

author or in accordance with the provisions of

the Copyright Act 1956 (as amended).

First published 2013 JHB South Africa

as a Coffee Table Book.

Republished 2018 JHB South Africa

ISBN 978-0-620-52886-3

ESP Catalogue

Learner Teacher Study Material

Library Resource, LTSM Senior Phase

Gauteng Department of Basic Education.

This book is dedicated to my late mother, Sebane Hlalele-

Rakhale, who in her twilight years ensured that the recipes

– which she still remembered, vividly – were tried out,

refined and accurate. Most of all, I am grateful for her

willingness to be an integral part of the vision of the book.

Heritage And Legacy Building Since 2009

Contents

Foreword 9

Introduction 11

1 CULINARY HERITAGE 15

Culinary Features

Culinary Symbols

Culinary Calendar

Culinary Destinations

Culinary Storytelling

The Dress Code

2 THE AUTHENTIC MENU 45

African Cuisine Definition

Kasi (Township) Kitchen

African Delicacies’

Street Food – Kota

Starters, Main Course, and Desserts

The Main Ingredient

Traditional Sauces

3 A GLASS OF SOMETHING 104

Shebeens – Drinking Spots

Traditional Drinks

Food and Wine Pairing – Wine In Simple Terms

4 AFRICAN TEA TIME 117

High Tea or Low Tea?

How to Make a Cup of Tea

African High Tea Menu

Tea Tasting

How to Serve Tea

My Tea Moments

5 FRONT OF HOUSE 131

Ground Rules

Handling Guest Complaints

Creating the Ambiance

Daily Routine

Serving Wine

Serving Food

We Have a Table...

The Myth of Perfection

6 BACK OF HOUSE 155

The Role Of The chef

The Chef’s Table

We Have A Booking…

7 HOUSE KEEPING 167

DECLUTTERING

About Housekeeping

Clutter

Decluttering

8 FLAVOURS AND 176

FAMILY CONVERSATIONS

Fresh Herbs or Dry Herbs?

Forced To Have a Conversation

Conversations

9 FAMILY DINNERS 201

Coming Home

Healthy Family Traditions

Ingredients for Real Conversations –

Rules Of Engagement

Family Prayer Meetings – The Saving Grace

10 RECIPE INDEX 229

Foreword

T

his book illustrates the culinary diversity of African

cuisine and the gastronomic range of some our

neighboring states, and compares the similarities

and dualities authenticating Africa’s unique epicurean

heritage. Written in a conversational style about African

cuisine, it elevates the subject to essentially be exported and

celebrated internationally.

This handy culinary compilation will present the reader with

explorations regarding local African lifestyles, history, art,

clothing, music, and – perhaps – even some song and dance.

For tourists visiting these different African countries

endowed with a diversity of ethnic cultures, it is a worthy

read regarding heritage and, of course, African Cuisine. It,

thus, becomes a guide which should be included in any

tourist’s travel package. The recipes are spiced with

conversations, like families enjoying their meal, to serving

tables as a maître d' at unique restaurants.

The book serves to stimulate culinary and sincere family

discussions. The servings are generous regarding the

knowledge of food, and the many personal anecdotes

touching author’s Eunice Rakhale-Molefe’s myriad life

experiences. Her recollections of her “Back-of-House” and

“Front of House” experiences in the restaurant business

makes it a fitting handbook for those wishing to indulge

themselves in unique African culinary delights. She tells the

African food story through hosting dining tables at

distinctive cultural heritage eateries or sites, bringing to light

the neglected aspects of African cuisine, family meals and

conversations.

Rakhale-Molefe is an independent author and publisher

with 22 titles and fourteen authors to her credit.

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Of these, one – Thembeka Cynthia Sesi – is the winner of

the 2016-2017 SALB Award for Xhosa Poems. And ten

titles, including the one at hand, are listed in the Gauteng

Department of Education Learner Teacher Study Material,

LTSM) catalogue as library resources.

Christo Wolmarans. Hermanus, Cape Town South

Africa.

10

Introduction

W

e all have our own stories; enchanting stories of

our families, and stories of how we grew up; the

games we played, the clothes we wore, and the

food we ate. Then there are the melancholic family and

business stories, where things that God had intended for

good take an unscrupulous, hurtful turn. When we share

these stories, and reflect on these, in the light of our faith

and with others who read about them, we find ourselves

strengthened. Mine is a culinary story.

As I was researching the recipes, and authenticating these

with my mothers’ wisdom; and, in-between the food preps

and tastings, my mother and I began to have deep

conversations. We were supposed to have had these chats

years ago, especially the transformational and painful albeit

healing dialogues. The deeper we had dug into the recipes,

the deeper the conversations had become. So it was with the

many other chefs and family cooks whom I had also

interviewed while I was researching the book. Unaware of

the time, I only realised when I launched the book that it

had been seven years since I had started working on what

had become a truly personal project. Bon Appetit!

One can read about the great places of the world and the

people scattered across our colourful globe; however

nothing surpasses the excitement of reading about the

familiar sights and sounds, the locals, as well as the food and

ingredients; not forgetting the city landmarks, and even the

streets where one may have been raised. The intimacy one

feels with the text when the characters travel on a road you

may also be knowing too well is something out of the

ordinary.

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It is like reminiscing about old times with an old friend,

evoking precious treasured memories. So enjoy the tour!

Restaurant tables have what we call “Table Talkers” to

promote items that are not ordinarily on the main menu.

These are interactive tools that portray key information. The

book features several “Table Talker” snippets or prompts,

which were designed for transforming discussions. Enjoy the

family talks!

The industry is in a high growth phase, with the volume of

food sales increasing at double digit rates annually. The

market for African cuisine products covers a large area of

diverse and densely populated groups for the middle to the

upmarket income groups. Coupled with that, is the fact that

the food service business is one of the largest growing

industries in our country. Although the restaurant industry

is competitive, the lifestyle changes created by modern

living continue to fuel its growth. The trend amongst the

groups is to dine out more frequently. This number has

been on the increase, not only due to lifestyle changes, but

also as having been influenced by the economic climate and

the increase of product variety.

There are new restaurants opening continually and more of

these are needed to keep pace with the increasing demand,

especially for fine dining. Sadly, the trend in fine dining has

been diluted by the explosion of franchised restaurants that

have adopted the convenience route, rather than the dining

experience as the main objective. Whilst the convenience

and financial rewards attached to these new economically

expedient establishments cannot be ignored, the patrons

seeking extraordinary dining experiences miss out on the

added value of eating away from home and the

accompanying ambiences that are favourable for healthy,

memorable conversations. Along with the pressures of

modern living comes more demand for people who are

compelled to eat more meals away from home, and to spend

a greater portion of their food rand at specialised food

12

South African Culinary Heritage

establishments offering value for money wining and dining

experience.

There is also a substantial market segment that prefers to

eat from an a la carte menu, as these offer something for

everyone; also as the patrons may not be having the time to

cook at home. Patrons visit restaurants to escape from the

increasingly stressful and impersonal working

environments, to enter a world where capable and agreeable

people tend to their finest banqueting requirements.

Undoubtedly, top class cuisine will always provide that

relaxing, enjoyable and refreshing experience. I had the

privilege of providing such services over a long period, and

these are loaded with innumerable, yet bittersweet

recollections, and for all the related joys and sorrows, I am

eternally grateful!

As has been mentioned in the introduction, already, the

recipes are spiced with a variety of tête-à-têtes. However,

the idea of incorporating my personal life came about by

default. Firstly, I had just finished a pictorial Coffee Table

Book in 2010, and sought an accompanying, illustrative

image of a typical township butchery. There was none. All

the pictures I could find were the one’s portraying local

township butcheries as dingy and unhygienic

establishments, and most of which were situated near

hostels. Also, the stories around these pictures were not told

by the locals. This had enraged me and had even driven me

to do more research on local cuisine. And it is thus a

somewhat coincidental journey that has taken me seven

years.

Secondly, as part of authenticating the recipes, I spent a year

with my late mother in Moletsane, Soweto. Amid preparing

and tasting the different recipes, my mother and I began to

engage on a level that we had never done before, often

making me regret why we had not engaged in these deep

conversations many years ago, when I was younger.

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Thankfully, the more one matures, the more reflective they

become.

Nevertheless, my mother and I had deep, sincere

conversations that often had us touching on subjects that

were both sacred and healing. My mother was 82 years old

and I was 54 years old then. Food connected me to my

mother on a level that I had never thought would be

possible, and even brought the healing that we had both

needed. So it was with most chefs and the family cooks that

I had interviewed. Their stories were not only about food,

but their personal lives, as well. I was, therefore, duty-bound

to include these stories, turning the book into a

conversational piece.

The book will give the reader access to some of the

numerous transformational conversations that I was

honoured and privileged to have had with my late mother,

my elder sister, Monki and my brother, Elia, and with my

children, most of which had revolved around family meals,

including some hilarious business-related moments which

can be found in the “Back of House and Front of House”

chapter. As well as the not so hilarious experiences of an

intermittently topsy-turvy life – while I was seeking closure

– that had oftentimes hurled me into many rare, poignantly

introspective, and sincere, revealing exchanges; especially

with my loved ones.

TABLE TALKER

Culinary heritage is a phrase that incorporates the origins of

plants, herbs, animals and their distribution, including the

places where people might have first refined plants and

domesticated their animals; and also identifies the earliest

locations where people might have first processed,

prepared, sold and ate food.

14

One

Culinary Heritage

African cuisine is one of the heritage structures that makes

us, Africans, and is an integral part of our national

identity; and, therefore, needs to be passed down, through

the generations, and to be celebrated accordingly. A seat at

the table is a notable, favoured space. Welcome to my table,

your table, our table!

F

EATURES

All over the world, local cuisine is influenced by the

natural features of the land. Ours is – as is

expressed throughout South Africa’s nine

provinces – giving the country’s cuisine a rich legacy of

culinary treasures. The provinces are divided according to

different climates, natural vegetation, soil types and farming

practices. Traditional flavours come from herbs, leaves,

roots and stems, most of which are also used for medicinal

purposes, as shall be seen in most of the featured recipes in

the book.

SLAUGHTERING

Slaughtering is not unique to Africans, but many other

nations in the world. Slaughtering is neither a seasonal nor

a regular culinary ritual, but it remains a significant formality

among South Africa’s communities. This is usually an act

that might be performed to welcome a new baby, celebrate

a promotion at work or a newly acquired business venture,

or to bid farewell to the deceased. Families, friends and

neighbours come together to assist in the laborious work

associated with cleaning, curing and preparing the meat.

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This process might include drying the animal hide to be

used for decorative purposes, either as a floor mat or wall

mat. Nothing is discarded, as each part of the slaughtered

animal forms part of the elaborate menu. Dinner may be

liver served with plain or deliciously flavoured pap or

porridge, with or without side dishes. Tripe forms part of the

entrée. Trotters and Skop (sheep’s head) provide a snack

which is often served a few days after the feast for those

who would have remained behind to help with the clean-up

after a family feast.

THE MAIN INGREDIENT

Meat Is Meat And Man Must Eat. “Indoda idli’ ‘inyama”– so

goes the isiZulu idiom. “A fish does not pull a cart” – so echoes

the Portuguese saying. Both these adages simply mean that

meat gives strength, which is a conviction that is held by

many South Africans.

During a feast, the Xhosa people eat meat as a snack while

waiting for the entrée, and they do not regard offal – a

recently-slaughtered animal’s entrails – as meat. However,

to most other South Africans, offal is the most popular meat

and is often served and eaten as the main meal.

A look back to the ancient citizens of the Republic of South

Africa gives us a deeper understanding of why meat is one

of the country’s main ingredients. The African nation

originates from Egypt. Over many centuries, endowed with

large herds of cattle, they migrated to the Great Lakes

region of East Africa, going south. Others kept going, while

some groups split up and settled along the way, with the

resultant settlement of the Swazi people in the north, the

Zulu people moved towards the east and the Xhosa people

settled in the south. The fact that they had a common Nguni

origin has led to a lot of similarities in the indigenous

African languages, the people’s national dishes, the oftenoverlapping

ingredients and recipes, and the herbs.

Africans are the masters of the art of survival, hunting and

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fishing. Antelopes, ostriches, hares and hedgehogs were the

main meals. Interestingly, rat hunting was still a popular

pastime in the townships until excessive urban development

constrained this particular activity. For smaller meals, it used

to be wild bird hunting. For snacks it used to be locusts,

caterpillars, sand crickets, beetles and the ever-popular

Mopani worms, also known as Masonja. As the continent

became less wild, domesticated livestock became the main

source of meat.

Being the main ingredient, meat consumption in

South Africa exceeds production. South Africa’s meat

production only provides 85% of the requirement. The

balance of 15% must be supplemented by imports from our

neighbours, including Namibia, Botswana and Swaziland,

and also sourcing as far as Australia, New Zealand and the

European Union, EU countries.

Cattle farming is practiced mostly in the Eastern Cape, Free

State, KwaZulu-Natal, Limpopo and Northern Cape. Sheep

and goat farming is concentrated in Northern Cape and

Eastern Cape, Western Cape, Free State and Mpumalanga.

South Africa’s national lamb dish is accurately named the

Karoo Lamb Shank for its succulent flavours. The Merino

Sheep, which feeds on Karoo bush, Brakbos, Gannabos and

Wild Rosemary, bring into line the quality of South African

lamb with that of the Australian sheep. Mutton is produced

from the Dorper, a highly productive and locally developed

mutton breed for the dry regions, notably Mpumalanga and

North West.

Looking back at those who came before us, we know that

the Ostrich was the bird of choice, especially when roasted,

of course; and their eggs often provided a wholesome meal

out in the wild. Notably, one Ostrich egg is equal to 24 hen

eggs and incredulously takes an hour to boil! The shells

make excellent water storage containers that could be

hidden underground for desperate times.

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UMLEQWA -CHICKEN

Chicken forms an affordable and alternative source to red

meat; therefore, South Africa’s poultry farming is more

intensive than that of sheep and cattle production. As a

result, poultry farms are found near the metropolitan areas

of Gauteng, Durban, Pietermaritzburg, Cape Town and

Port Elizabeth.

Many cooks agree that free range, organic and corn-fed

chicken is tastier. Free range chickens are not raised under

factory conditions and have access to open air runs. Unlike

their intensively reared counterparts, Free Range Chickens’

growth is not accelerated by their feed and restricted

movement. Because free range chickens grow and develop

slower, these birds are often older by the time they reach the

required weight, and therefore better flavoured.

Corn fed chickens have a striking, bright yellow skin. This

is partly due to their diet of maize, which often tends to be

intensified by the additional colouring in the feed. These

types of chickens are not necessarily free range and may be

raised intensively. Organic chickens, on the other hand, are

fed on a natural diet and are raised in humane conditions.

The chicken may be sold fresh and frozen and sold

individually or in larger, and more economic packs; and may

be sold on, or off the bone. Chicken quarters may be leg or

wing joints that have a portion of breast meat attached. The

leg joint may be divided into thighs, small well-flavoured

dark meat joints and drumsticks. Because the meat is

compact, these portions require longer cooking time.

Tender breast portions are entirely white meat and are sold

on, or off the bone, and, also, may be skinned or skinless.

Portions on the bone have the most flavour when stewed

or braised. Boneless chicken breasts are called fillets.

The small chicken breast strips that can be found under the

chicken breast are often sold separately. The name

“Supreme” is given to the chicken breast portions that

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include the wing bone. Eighty percent of poultry meat

production is that of the Baby Chicken market, which is

suitable for grilling and roasting. The rest comprises of

mature Free-Range Chicken, or Umleqwa – on which I will

elaborate, further in the book – and is often prepared for

special celebrations, including Christmas parties.

Umleqwa is the traditional Christmas feast bird.

Slaughtered chicken meat which is boiled or stewed is rarely

available in the retail stores. These chickens are aged older

than a year old and are large, hence their being ideal for

traditional celebrations, especially Christmas family feasts.

Simply put, freshly slaughtered chicken is South Africa’s

Christmas bird. Umleqwa is too tough for roasting, but is

typically full of flavour and, therefore, does not need heavy

spicing, other than deliberate, slow cooking.

There are many types of small chickens. These include

Poussin, Spring Chicken, Roasting Chicken and Guinea Fowl.

Poussin is a French name for a young chicken. Weighing

350g, this would usually feed one person. Spring Chicken

feeds one to – maybe – two people, and weighs 750g.

Roasting Chicken, also called a “Roaster”, weighs 3kg, and can

be pot-roasted whole, or in portions, poached, braised or

stewed. Guinea Fowl originate from the coast of Guinea in

West Africa, hence the name. These fowls weigh 750g and

have a wild game flavour. Because their meat is quite dry,

these types of chickens need moist cooking.

Three steps of jointing a chicken.

Step 1: With the breast facing upwards and a sharp knife

pointing inward and detach the leg from the thigh, then cut

through the ball and socket. Repeat the same procedure

with the other leg.

Step 2: Using a kitchen scissors, cut along the breast bone

between the breast sections. Turn the chicken over and cut

the backbone, then further cut off the wing tips at the joints.

19


Step 3: Cut each breast section in half, leaving a portion of

the breast attached to the wing. Cut each leg through the

knee joint to separate the thigh and drumstick (can easily

form eight meat portions).

Obtaining and storing chicken meat. When buying fresh

chicken, choose one with soft discoloration-free skin.

Chicken is highly inclined to accumulate bacterial growth,

so the meat must be kept chilled and stored separately from

red meat, and should ideally be placed on the top shelf to

avoid blood contamination.

LET’S TALK ABOUT FISH

Fish, while being easy to prepare, is delicate, but it is yet

another favourite in my list of meat portions. South Africa’s

Cape Coast attracts thousands of local and international

tourists each year, who are always eager to witness the

diverse range of fish, among many other varied wildlife

attractions.

Fishing in Africa’s principal cargo port, Durban, began with

fish traps made from wattle fencing which was woven with

reeds by our forebears, the Luthuli people, and was a trade

they had inherited from the San people (the first citizens of

our country).

And, of course, the Cape Province’s two oceans, comprising

of the natural phenomenon of the warm Indian Ocean

meeting the icy Atlantic Ocean, has stimulated the most

ideal conditions for a healthy migration of fish. Seafood is

therefore an integral part of the South African menu, and

this is replicated in many other intriguing, fascinating and

mouthwatering ways and styles through the East and West

African coastline countries, even in Africa’s mainland

countries, especially near fish-carrying rivers and lakes. The

most popular fish are the Black Bream (Galjoen), Kingklip

and Kabeljou.

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Black Bream (Galjoen) is South Africa’s national fish.

This is a powerful swimmer and keeps mostly to shallow

waters, and is often found in rough surf and sometimes right

next to the shore. In KwaZulu-Natal, this fish is known as

Blackfish or Black Bream. It bears the remarkably dusky

colours on the head and the immense shiny scales.

Kingklip is one of the well-liked fish in South Africa. This

type of fish is caught in the deep waters of South Africa,

occurring mostly on the rocky grounds, hence the moniker

of the king of the rock fish. Because it is a relatively slow

growing fish and cannot sustain a targeted fishery, catches

are restricted to a precautionary catch limit of 3 000 tons per

year. It is for this reason that Kingklip is also managed as a

by-catch species. A by-catch is a fish that is often caught

unintentionally while catching certain target species and

target sizes of fish or crabs.

Kabeljou is a much sought-after fish during the months of

October, through to April.

FOCUS ON INDIGENOUS GRAIN

Maize is NOT South Africa’s indigenous grain. It was

imported from South America and has since been

naturalised as our staple food. It is the largest locallyproduced

field crop and the most important source of

carbohydrates in South Africa. Maize is mainly produced in

Free State; 47%, to be precise. As our staple food, maize

accompanies most traditional meals. It comes in various

forms, including Samp, maize bread, maize porridge and the

ever-popular thicker version of maize porridge, known as

Pap.

The street corner corn vendors, with their coal braziers, are

a common sight during the maize season, and they typically

grill the corns on the braziers while the customers are

waiting, with the option of a boiled version.

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Mabele, Sorghum IS South Africa’s indigenous grain.

Mabele is a staple food for breakfast, either as plain or

flavoured porridge, or a sour porridge, which is known in

Setswana as Ting ya Mabele. This staple could also be

prepared and served in a stiffer version, known as Pap, for

the main course. Mabele also serve as a livestock feed

component in the rural communities. The Mabele grain is

also the main ingredient for Umqombothi, Sorghum Beer.

Famous South African musician Vusi Mahlasela highlights

the importance of this grain in his celebrated song, Silang

Mabele, south Sotho for grinding the Mabele grain.

The song is a rallying call for unity to fight poverty. In the

song, Mahlasela sings in six different South African

languages, including the universally-common English

language, calling on the nation to get on with the job of

making the country work better for the benefit of all the

country’s people. Also in the song, the modest yet

outspoken artist says that we had celebrated when our

leaders returned from exile; and that, when conflict was

expected, we had applied the wisdom of forgiveness. But,

after the celebrations, and having yielded to the

overwhelming spirit of forgiveness, the time has come to

produce, and to unite, and to feed all the people the Mabele

grain, symbolising unity, goodwill and brotherhood.

Renowned novelist, the late Nadine Gordimer – whom I

had the pleasure of meeting, just before her passing, at the

African Century International African Writers Conference

held at the University of Free State in Bloemfontein in 2012

– had this to say about Mahlasela’s indigenous celebratory

music: “Vusi Mahlasela sings as a bird does: in total response to

being alive. He is a natural, and blessed with the gift of song. He has

the genuine artist’s highly intelligent application to develop his heavensent

talent; becoming a guitarist, a poet and composer of ever-growing

accomplishment. As music runs in his veins, so does strong awareness

of our times and place and the people, who, like him, give expression

to these. He generously brings new life to the work of other poets by

22


setting it to his music, adding the passion, warmth and tenderness of

his voice. ‘Silang Mabele’ is at the peak of his achievements; a

wonderful range of originality, joyous, humorous, lamenting and

celebrating. Music was at the heart of the struggle for freedom; and

Vusi was there. Vusi’s music is here to stir and delight us. He’s a

national treasure.”

Umqombothi, black SA’s traditional beverage.

Umqombothi is a traditional beverage made from South

Africa’s indigenous Mabele grain and Sorghum. No local

African meal is complete without Umqombothi! Without an

acquired taste you may find it – dare I say – bitter, or harsh

to the palate! So, you might wish to add a dash of plain ice

cream to your portion of the drink, which is low in alcohol

(a mere four percent, 4%). The ingredients which are used

to brew Umqombothi are equal measures of the Mabele grain

and Sorghum Malt. As with traditional ginger beer and

dumplings, the recipe for Umqombothi is passed down from

generation to generation. The necessary brewing equipment

consists of a cast iron pot, a custom-made strainer, and a big

drum for storage and a small calabash for serving.

Almost every next township kitchen possesses one or two

of these utensils. Without these, there would not be any

brewing happening in these township homes. Virtually each

predominantly black South African neighbourhood –

especially the townships – has its specialised or expert

brewer. Such a brewer is never summoned, but is ever so

ready to step in whenever there is a celebration of some sort.

Umqombothi is often incorrectly connected with ancestral

worship. This myth must be dispelled, as Umqombothi is a

traditional alcoholic beverage. Where the Westerners splash

out on bubbly (sparkling wine or champagne), Africans

enjoy the pleasure of Umqombothi. Undoubtedly, every

nation has their own traditional brew!

23


WHAT ABOUT CROPS?

Potatoes are regarded as a vegetable on our menu.

Potatoes make up about 40% of the vegetable farmers’

gross income, while tomatoes, onions, peas and sweet corn

contribute about 38%. The potato crop is grown mainly in

Free State, Mpumalanga, Limpopo, and KwaZulu-Natal.

The potato’s “family members” include sweet potatoes,

which come in two different colors, red or white-skinned

sweet potatoes, depending on their unique origin. Yam is a

tuber that looks like a rough potato, which matures well in

dry season and comes in two colours, white or yellow.

Other tubers are Amadumbe, The indigenous African

Potato, and is a much-loved snack among the Zulu people

in KwaZulu-Natal. It is coarse, with rough skin. Easy to

prepare, Amadumbe are boiled in their skin and cut into

wedges. Finally, there is Okra, a vegetable that is used

extensively throughout mainland Africa.

Cabbage is a daily food in most South African homes.

Like many of our African counterparts, our vegetables

consist of leaves. In Zambia, leaf picking is a huge industry.

The packaged leaves are predominantly made up of

beetroot, potato, pea and pumpkin leaves.

Morogo, or Pigweed, is South Africa’s national vegetable,

and is a generic name for wild spinach, of which the most

popular type in South Africa is Thepe, as it known among

Basotho; Umfino as it is known among Amazulu, or Pigweed.

However, each African country has its own form of wild

spinach:

Matapa – Malawi;

Cacani – Mozambique;

Mochicha – Kenya;

Moloukia – Egypt, and;

Rape – Zambia and Zimbabwe.

24


The authenticity of Morogo lies in the

texture. This type of Pigweed can stomped

lightly to get the fine texture and be jazzed

up without adding cream, or with onions

and grated potatoes. For variety, one could

add crushed nuts or peanut butter.

Mukusule, a type of vegetable leaf, is a Venda dish that

consists of a variety of sun-dried wild leaves, including

pumpkin, beetroot, bean plant and potato leaves. These are

usually stored away to be used in the winter months. The dried

leaves are soaked in water then cooked until soft.

Like tomatoes, Pumpkin (one of the oldest vegetables that

has been around long before colonisation) is easy to grow. It

is not uncommon to find one in the suburban backyard

garden. Pumpkin serves as something sweet to complement

the meat. Make certain that it is always part of your menu.

Your guests will be happy, and most of all, yours truly.

Mangangajane are the traditional dried fruits. Before the

advent of pickling, fruits were dried. Drawing from Malaysian

experience, pickling is now showcased a lot in our kitchens.

THE AFRICAN BREAD BASKET

Dumpling is a piece of dough placed over the stew and

nicely cooked in the stew’s steam. Dumpling recipes, like

bread, are handed over from generation to generation. It is

also a familiar menu item to the Chinese and Jamaicans. Same

as with our national menu, the dumpling is a common feature

on the menus of many locals. As you knead and strengthen

the dough, you pray for the bread to be a blessing during the

Breaking of Bread, which is observed at meal times, and is,

chiefly, a lesson I learned from Sharon Lurie of the Chai FM

Cooking Show. This was during a cultural exchange cooking

demonstration, in which we were celebrating Heritage Day at

the Witkoppen Primary School, Fourways.

25


Bread is a significant menu detail. Following in the

footsteps of maize, bread is also a dough which can be used

for making dumpling, baked bread or steamed bread. Our

modern ovens originate from our grandparents’ ground

ovens, which later became mud ovens – a hole in the ground

with wires to hold the bread. Morocco with its communal

bakeries is a true reflection of the roots and importance of

bread to Africans. However, for steam cooking, it was the clay

pot, which, design-wise, was initially filled with water and

supported by sticks, and was later reinforced with wires. In

the different African countries, the African bread basket

usually has the following varieties:

Zambia’s mealie bread (another name for corn bread), is popular

all over Africa. Instead of cornmeal, the cornbread in Zambia

is made with fresh corn kernels; Chapattis’ – Popular in the

Congo and Kenya; Mupotohayi is Zimbabwe’s cornmeal bread,

and is also known as Chimodho; Nthochi is Malawian banana

bread. Nigerian bread, Agege, is named after a suburb in Lagos

State, and it is much loved for its dense texture and sweet

taste. Moroccan bread, known as Khobz, is also referred to as

flatbread, and is characterised by a round, flattish shape and a

slightly coarse texture. The crust is ideal for dipping and

scooping up tagines, salads and other spicy Moroccan dishes.

The crust is so preferred, in fact, that many Moroccans will

remove and discard the soft interior from thicker loaves of

this particular bread.

Africa’s fast food snack is Amagwinya – Fat Cakes.

Almost every southern African country has Amagwinya, a

traditional fast food snack. You buy these when you need

something that will kill the hunger pangs for a couple of

hours. A fat cake is basically fried bread or a type of fried

doughnut, fritter or flapjack, but without the fruit or other

choice fillings. The ingredients may differ, depending on

which country one may be coming from; but the cooking

method is the same, and Mali’s sweet fried bread is a good

example. In Malawi, you can buy pre-mixed Mandazi flour for

those who may be wishing to avoid the tedium and labour of

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making the dough from scratch. Fat cakes are commonly sold

on the street corners and many locals are willing to travel long

distances to buy Amagwinya from a supposedly reputable

source who may be known to be using just the right flavour,

size and shape to hit the spot, each time, so to speak.

Koeksusters, one of our other national dishes, are – to some

extent – similar to Mali’s sweet fried bread. The trick of

delicious Koeksusters is to have these being crunchy outside,

and soft inside.

Communal eating is one of the defining elements of African

food culture. In most parts of Africa, eating together is an

important part of building relationships, and this goes well

beyond simply sharing a meal. And it entails more than just

collectively digging into a delicious meal. The meal is served

in traditional serving pots, bowls or platters. Bread is used for

slightly sticky dishes such as tripe, sauces and stews.

The Breaking of Bread is an expression which refers to the

action of sharing bread at the commencement of a meal. This

bread-based tradition goes hand-in-hand with the African

tradition of communal meals. As part of the traditional dining

experience, the bread is served after the “sip and greet” session

of Ginger Beer or Umqombothi, just before the starters would

be served. Starting from the host, the bread is broken into a

sizeable portion and handed over to the next guest. Breaking

the bread, rather than cutting, is the common way of serving

and sharing the bread. From ancient to modern times, from

peasants to haute cuisine, this African ritual is a universal

element of the dining experience.

CULINARY SYMBOLS

These are what I refer to as the badges or markings of a nation.

The Yellowwood tree is our National tree. However, the

indigenous trees are the Marula and Baobab. Marula, which has

been anglicised from the south Sotho name of Morula, is a

tree that is well-known for its intoxicating fruits. During the

harvesting months of February and March, man and animal

27


alike become intoxicated with the abundant consumption of

the Marula fruit, which is also high in Vitamin C. Then there

is the Baobab fruit which has a variety of uses. The powdery

white interior, which is usually crushed into a pulp, may be

used as a thickener in jams, gravies and ice cream.

The exotic Protea flower, with tough, woody stems and

heavy flower heads, is South Africa’s National flower.

However, it is the edible flowers that interest me; including

Society Garlic, Pansies, Gardenias and Violets. It is the idea of

tossed flowers in a salad, combined with the surprised look

on guests’ faces that is both intriguing and often amusing.

Violets – These are the most well-known of all edible

flowers, and are easy to grow; Pansies – Not only do these

flowers look beautiful, but they are also very tasty; Gardenias

– These strikingly beautiful flowers are eaten raw, pickled or

preserved in honey, and can be used as yellow coloring for

other edible fruits. Strawberry leaves – These flowers are a

prime food source and are eaten raw, though most people

wait for the fruit to ripen. The cultivated blossoms are pink,

while the wild-growing types are white. Society Garlic – This

type of flower smells and tastes far more like a vegetable

than a blossom, with a flavour that is more like that of an

onion, but is also peppery. It thrives in hot weather.

The smell of this flower used to bring hilarious memories

of my late paternal grandmother, Nkgono Ma-Fume. She

used to roll out the leaves and stuff them in her nostrils for

the common cold and flu. She would then be seen walking

around, with the leaves protruding out of her nostrils, while

she was doing her daily business as if all was normal; while

the other people would be starring and wondering what was

going on. This used to be a very funny sight, I must say!

Also, the Society garlic flower can be used in salads or soups,

or anywhere – in fact – where you may want a bit of garlic,

pepper and onion flavour. As with many cultivated crops,

all edible flowers need to be harvested carefully.

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As a commercial crop, these kinds of exotic plants are often

saturated with chemicals to keep them alive and looking

good until they reach the market.

CULINARY CALENDARS

These are days on which we celebrate significant culinary

essentials and related elements. The more recognisable days

are: World Pinotage Day – Marked on each second Saturday

of October, annually; World Food Day – A special culinary

day that is marked on the 16th of October, each new year;

Chefs Day – This day honours the world’s unsung heroes

of the restaurants’ kitchens worldwide on 20 October, and;

Global Hand Washing Day – Celebrated on 15th of

October, each year, encouraging the keeping of the most

basic tools of food making, universally.

International Pinotage Day, held on each Saturday of

October. The day honouring South Africa’s indigenous grape,

the Pinotage, is celebrated with a variety of events, including

food and wine pairing. The Pinotage is a uniquely South

African grape variety that is held in high esteem locally and

internationally. This distinctive wine is on the eighth

position on the list of total wine grape plantings in South

Africa, and is mostly farmed in the Little Karoo, the

Malmesbury area, Olifants River region, and Orange River

region, Paarl, Robertson, Stellenbosch and Worcester.

World Food Day, 16 October. This day was established by

Food Agriculture Organisation member countries at the

organisation’s twentieth general conference in November

1979. This important date goes hand-in-hand with an annual

theme which is in line with the United Nations General

Assembly’s designation. The purpose is to raise awareness

about hunger and to encourage people to act proactively,

compassionately and humanely in helping in the fight

against hunger.

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International Chefs Day. On October 20 each year for

over eighty years, now, chefs around the world celebrate

International Chefs Day. It is an initiative of the World

Association of Chefs’ Societies, WACS. On this day, the

association’s aspiration is to make a positive change within

the chefs’ vocation, and to promote positive regard for

chefs in the sight of the local communities and beyond.

This is what Gissur Gudmundsson, the President of the

World Association of Chefs, has said about the world’s

unsung heroes of the restaurants’ kitchens across the world:

“Chefs can make a big difference when they share their skills, and as

and by doing so, they educate people around them. There are countless

ways they can contribute (towards the enhancement of societies): They

volunteer at schools to teach potential chefs more about their industry.

Washing your hands before handling food may be taken for granted,

but from my travels around the world, it is obvious that humans need

to be constantly reminded (about this crucial hygienic chore). For an

example, you can teach a group of cooks the proper way of butchering

meat, so this will generally help them to prevent wastage.”

Gudmundsson adds. “If you are good at what you do, you can play

your small part in feeding the planet in the future. Chefs can make an

impact on people’s lives with their skills, and it goes beyond just pure

pleasure on the plate.”

15 October, National Hand-Washing Day. This is a

collaboration between various government departments at

national and provincial level, notably the Departments of

Health and Human Settlements, UNICEF, various NGOs

and private sector partners. Germs can transfer to your

hands whenever you touch something that contains germs,

and whenever you could be handling raw meat, using a dirty

cleaning cloth or touching a surface that someone else

might have sneezed over, or after using the toilet. If you

then touch your eyes, nose or mouth, a wound, or food or

water that you then drink, these germs can enter your body

and make you ill. The germs on your hands can also spread

and possibly infect others near you. One of the best ways to

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stop germs from spreading is to wash your hands regularly

with soap and water. If your hands look dirty, you need to

wash them to remove the dirt and germs. Wash your hands

with soap and water. Do not just run your hands under

running water. After washing your hands, rinse off the tap

before you close the tap. You should be mindful of what

you touch with your hands, at all times. Keep your finger

nails short and clean.

Hands are primary traditional tools of the trade. On the

other hand, the first kitchen tool to appear on the table was

a knife, to cut and spear off the meat, and that was in the

17th century. It is interesting to note that, before then, all

nations ate with their hands. It was not until the 19th

century that the four-pronged fork was introduced, to join

the spoon and knife. The advantage of not using cutlery was

that people felt more obliged to wash their hands, both

before and after eating. This was a norm, worldwide. Hand

washing is a ritual that – to Africans and other nationalities

– Is like culture. Culture makes sense when you know that

it is not just a ritual, but also a hygienic precaution. In a pure

traditional setting, one eats with one’s right hand from the

plate, never the left hand, unless one is eating something

that requires the use of both hands. If there is one

communal dish, platter or pot offered, one eats only from

that part of the communal dish, platter or pot that is directly

in front of you. A good host will ensure that the communal

platters are circulated timeously and adequately. Smoking

does not take place in the same area as where the food is

being served; and a polite guest will wait to smoke until after

the meal is finished. Typically, the guests stay around for a

while longer after the meal, to allow some time for aftermeal

conversations.

Africa Day, commemorated on May 25, annually. The

day celebrates our continent, Africa, through music, food

and cultural exchange. Presently, though, the day is not

celebrated in a way that is worthy of what it deserves, and it

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has sadly become more like a street bash, to say the least.

South Africa’s freedom and democracy should be

celebrated – not in isolation – but, fittingly, as part of the

African continent. The day is supposed to remind us of our

African heritage and to reawaken us to Africa-wide unity.

When an ordinary commodity like food becomes part of

entertainment entailing music and storytelling, it then

becomes more than just eating. The different, yet distinctive

culinary events are held at distinctive Heritage eateries.

Banqueting and the culture of dining, contrary to

common belief is not foreign to Africa. From the time of

our ancestors, banqueting has always been highly-esteemed

in celebrating significant family and social events. It might

be celebrating a new leader, the acquisition of new land, a

good harvesting season, the birth of a baby, or a wedding.

Slaughtering is a big part of African banqueting. In

China, there is a hotel which serves free range chickens on

their menu. What is unique about this hotel is that the

chickens are bred and slaughtered in a well-kept backyard at

the hotel, and served with great pride as part of their culture.

I am not suggesting, in any way, for our hotels to start

chicken farms on their backyards, but for these

establishments to recognise that slaughtering is not a

barbaric African act that it is made out to be, and also, that

this practice is not necessarily related to ancestral worship.

But that it is part of a food culture that is practiced by many

nations across the world. When the original Johannesburg

market (now known as Museum Africa, and its diverse

range of artworks) was established, they had a facility for

slaughtering meat to cater for the African tradition of

slaughtering. With the development of urban areas, this

need has been taken care of by the butchers, who are able

to supply the slaughtered carcass which is already cut and

portioned in its entirety, meat, skin, offal, and all!

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Mageu, traditional ginger beer or Umqombothi is

offered as a gesture of welcome. This customarily

happens after the handshake or the gentle strike of palms

together, or the silent clapping of hands, followed by a slight

bow. Guests then gather around the fire in a communal

eating style, as the different courses began to flow

intermittently, and as the calabash of umqombothi

circulates from guest to guest. The calabash will always be

found somewhere in the kitchen cupboards, waiting for the

right moment to begin the festivities. Traditional African

beer (alcoholic) and Ginger Beer (non-alcoholic) in 20 to 50

litre barrels would have been prepared, days before, with

which to wash down the celebratory meals. In the African

setting, the music and the dance accompany elegant and

elaborately-designed dresses for women and suits for men,

making banqueting an altogether more spectacular

experience.

The Annual Offal Feast is held in July, annually. Offal

known as “variety meat” in some countries, refers to all the

offcuts from the carcass including the organs, tail, oxtail,

feet and head. Most offal is rich and richly flavoured. This

may be eaten on its own, paired or blended with other

meats. Unlike regular meat, which is often hung and

matured for several weeks before using, offal has a short

shelf life and should be bought fresh and used quickly. It

might not be everyone’s cup of tea and not for the faint

hearted, but for many South Africans who are offal lovers,

the annual festival is a not-to-be-missed experience. The

offal dishes are served alongside port and sherry tasting.

The Soweto Kota Festival is a proudly South African

township fast food event which is in September each

year. In September 2017, the Soweto Theatre in Jabulani,

Soweto hosted the first annual Soweto Kota Festival. The

popular festival is now held at different areas in Gauteng

during Heritage and Tourism Month in September,

annually.

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Heritage Day, 24 September. This is a significant day on

our national calendar. It is for this reason that this book’s

launch is being celebrated during this month, which is also

tourism month. Most importantly, Book Tourism, the

company that is producing and publishing this book – and

is a hallmark of CEM Publishers – was founded and

established by my daughter, Mothei Makhetha and myself,

in 2017. The business concept was born out of a need to

preserve and for us to be able to own our African stories

through the writing and publishing Heritage books, the

packaging of South Africa’s heritage as a commodity that

could be exported and participate and even compete in the

international market; and to provide hospitality training,

mainly on front and back of house related principles, food

and wine training on authentic South African Cuisine.

Book Tourism also endeavours to promote Heritage books

as a lifestyle commodity, and with the intention of

incorporating the heritage books into the elements of the

tourism industry, thus benefitting the tour guides, travel

agencies, hotels, and national heritage sites. For us, this is a

tourism and publishing partnership that aims at passing on

family legacies from one generation to the next.

Picnic Day, 16 December coincides with the nationallydecreed

holiday, Day of Reconciliation. On this day, the nation

is encouraged to focus on overcoming the conflicts of the

past and to building a new nation that is anchored on unity,

goodwill and brotherhood. For some, this is a day to visit

the heritage structures and round things off with a picnic.

My favourite picnic venue is Thokoza Park in Rockville,

Soweto. The park features fully equipped play areas for

children; and one of its picnic spots has a dam, just across a

busy road forming part of the popular Naledi to Chris Hani

Baragwanath taxi route. Most importantly, it is the unique

vibe that can only be found in Soweto that I enjoy. There

are more details on Thokoza Park towards the end of the

book under local eateries.

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CULINARY DESTINATIONS

Eateries-Interestingly, the African vocabulary does not

have the word restaurant rather an eatery, a place to eat,

Sesotho or Setswana for Dijong. This is why you will notice

that, throughout the book, I will be referring to food

establishments as eateries as opposed to restaurants. An

eatery is a restaurant that relates to the locals, their cuisine

and the associated authentic indigenous ingredients.

Pan African Mall, Alexandra. For Masonja, dried or cured

Mopani Worms, as well as various other traditional fare, one

has to look to the enterprising vendors colourfully

populating the informal trading spaces dotting the

pavements around the Pan African Mall and the centre’s

minibus taxi terminus. Whistles, fancy verbalised signals

and cajoling from the competing sellers invite both the

homegrown folks and tourists to their diverse range of

perishables including cooked takeaway meals, as well as

vegetables, and various meats. This bustling market is where

I used to source out the popular Mogodu, tripe and Maotwana,

trotters for my restaurant in Sandton and Fourways.

Soweto Theatre arts and crafts fair. On each last Sunday

of the month, the ever popular Soweto Theatre arts and

crafts fair becomes a thriving market as it hosts the

evergreen Seven Colour Sundays food event. And, on this

particular market day, an array of local food vendors offer

authentic delicious homemade meals amid a festive

atmosphere in the covered Amphitheater area in front of

the iconic Soweto Theatre. This is also a platform for

talented local designers and craftspeople to sell their wares.

Here, also, one can pick up some unique local crafts and

fashion at good prices, and there are always an ample array

of foods and drinks on sale. Undoubtedly, this is also a

chilled and friendly place to enjoy the Soweto weekend

buzz, often complemented by free concerts rendered by

leading and aspirant local musicians and poets. For authors,

including yours truly, this is also an ideal place where readers

35


and writers can interact, and I always make sure to bring

along copies of the different titles available in the Book

Tourism stable. My best experience at event was when I

placed an order of a handmade stylish hat in the morning

and in between managing my book stall, managed to witness

the hat been handcrafted; and – by six o’clock, when I had

packed up – I had my trendy hat on hand.

The Bryanston Organic Market has one such place. After

a good meal at the Garden Eatery, one can walk around the

market stalls to get all the authentic indigenous ingredients

that are not available at one’s own local vegetable market or

grocery store. Items like Sorghum-Mabele for Umqombothi;

Baobab powder which is used as a thickener in jams and

gravies and the ever so popular Morogo-Thepe (Pigweed). The

market, which is held on Thursdays and Saturdays, has been

an excellent opportunity for me to promote our heritage

through the book, and for one to interact with both the

locals and tourists.

As has been mentioned already, Dijong is a Sesotho word

that means a place to eat. Most of our local eateries feature

open flame grilling, popularly known as Tshisanyama,

IsiZulu for grilled meat. It is Africa’s San people who

began and mastered the art of fire-making, using stones,

rubbed together, to start the fire.

The tradition of Tshisanyama (local version of US-style

Barbeques) comes from this historic art of open fire

cooking. It evolved into using drums for fire-making,

known as Mpaola in Sesotho or Imbaula in isiZulu. An

Mpaola or an Imbaula is a drum with punctured holes on the

sides. This has subsequently evolved into the current drum

cut in half with a firm stand, designed to support and

provide safety. The idea of Tshisanyamas – which are mostly

located next to butcheries – is to buy your choice of meat

cuts from the butcher and have these grilled on the

Tshisanyama’s ready and waiting open fire.

36


The meat is served with Pap and seasoned with salt, pepper

and other spices.

Getting there, ideally using the local style of travel?

The Reya-Vaya bus system, in place since 2010, connects

with Gautrain at Gautrain Park station. The station is the

most southern Gautrain station situated adjacent to

Metrorail's Johannesburg Park Station in Braamfontein.

This underground station is located diagonally beneath the

Smit and Wolmarans Streets. Gautrain is an 80-kilometre

rapid transit commuter rail system in Gauteng which links

Johannesburg, Pretoria, Ekurhuleni and the OR Tambo

International Airport. The railway line has been in

operation since 7 June 2012. The Reya-Vaya bus service

route gives fun-seekers easy access to the large Thokoza

Park in Soweto.

Picnic @ Thokoza Park Soweto. This is a picnic area that

lies on Ntuli Street in Rockville, Soweto. The park is large,

measuring 4.5 hectares, including the Moroka Dam and

spreading on both sides of Vundla Street, all the way to

Chris Hani Road, which is the longest street in Soweto,

linking roughly 70% of the suburbs in the township. The

park has benches, picnic spots, fountains, and a big screen

television, and boasts large fields that are perfect for soccer

and other ball games, completed by an abundance of

protected birdlife. The park is often used for concerts and

other huge events.

The Moroka Dam was named after Dr James Moroka, a

former president of the African National Congress, ANC.

Both Thokoza Park and the Moroka Dam Wetlands

Rehabilitation projects were awarded Gold Merit Awards

at the unendorsed Livable Communities Awards in London

in 2010. Leading up to the awards, the Moroka Dam had

been distilled, and the catchment area completely

revamped, while the park has also received a complete

landscaping that has included the planting of indigenous

trees, the paving of footpaths, the sprucing up of the

37


asphalt on the roads surrounding the park, the adding of

new street lights, and improving the look and feel of the

play areas for the children and rehabilitation of the streams’

edges.

Dobsonville Road House Butchery is conveniently

positioned along the busy Elias Motswaledi Street in

Dobsonville, Soweto. The Rea-Vaya busses from all parts

of the Johannesburg to Dobsonville route make it easily

accessible for many commuting locals. It can also be

accessed through Main Reef Road, running from as far as

Roodepoort, towards Fordsburg, south west of

Johannesburg. The eatery is owned by a family that has been

in the business for many years.

The Roadhouse Drive-In concept originates from America.

This became popular in the 1940’s and slowly spread across

South Africa in the seventies. Dairy Den was a popular

Roadhouse in the seventies and used to be conveniently

situated in Mondeor, a few kilometers from Soweto. The

Roadhouse concept later reemerged through the

Mamlethi’s eatery in White City, Jabavu, Soweto, with

roasted chicken as a popular specialty which was loved by

many diners. Mamlethi’s operated for 24 hours, round the

clock, and was also a park-and-buy joint, with no seating

areas.

The idea of the Dobsonville Roadhouse, yet another

Roadhouse-style eatery in Dobsonville, south west of

Johannesburg was a brilliant concept for the people of

Soweto, the local business community and tourists,

providing a blend of roadhouse and Tshisanyama appeal,

and with a well-stocked liquor store, sporting the elegant nip

liquor cabinet.

Guests can sit and eat in their parked vehicles in the

traditional roadhouse style; or outside in the beautiful

sheltered area that is exposed to the crackling sounds of

braai meat and the accompanying aromatic flavours. The

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display cabinet at the roadhouse’s liquor store showcases a

wide variety of the trendy nip, a version of the stainless steel

pocket liquor flasks. The cap serves as a tot measure. The

display cabinet graces the liquor store like an elegant piece

of artwork, and complements the butchery, braai area and

takeaways area. It is rare to find a combination of clean,

good food and impeccable hygienic conditions in the

township.

More often, such important conditions are compromised.

This is not so with the Dobsonville Roadhouse. Here, you

can, most assuredly, get tasty food in a clean environment.

Long before high mast were installed in Soweto, including

Dobsonville, the joint’s industrious owners, Justice and

Matlhodi, were already in business. In the past twenty years,

I have witnessed the place grow to become an impressive

mega food outlet which has also become a popular stable

and steady tourist hub. Besides working together as a family,

their experience is lavished with a wealth of business

experience.

Soweto Backpackers Outdoor Restaurant. Many visitors

to Soweto are often captivated by the vibe and the

friendliness that you experience in the township. Many

among these tourists first think that it is unsafe to visit

Soweto, but once they have been able to move around the

sprawling township and interact with the people, they

quickly realise that the place is full of life and positive

people. Here, the people spend a lot of time outdoors,

socialising with neighbours and friends. Visitors are

encouraged to walk in the streets, greet people and learn the

local languages.

Whether you are ready to try some street food, such as

chicken feet, cow feet, skop (cow, goat or sheep’s head),

Tshisanyama (Barbeque), some common fast food from the

local food outlets or proper restaurant food, Soweto has it

all. Many locals run outdoor restaurants, where they prepare

home cooked African stews and curries over the open fire,

39


on the pavement just outside their own yards, or on the

street corners. For dinner, they always have freshly home

cooked dishes, giving their visitors a taste of Sowetan and

African food. Lebo and Maria’s place is one such place in

Orlando West Soweto, which is run by enterprising

businessman Lebo and his wife, Maria.

Annual Soweto Kota Festival. Kota is to South Africans

what open sandwiches or the Smørrebrød is to the Danish

people. “The festival presents the best local Kota chefs who showcase

their Kota cooking skills,” says Sidwell Malixole Tshingilane,

the founder and organiser of the yearly festival, ahead of the

launch of the festival. He then elaborated, “This (the Kota

meal) is the popular fast food in any township. If you are hungry and

you are in Soweto or any other township, the first thing that come to

your mind is a Kota. We will be also introducing a Healthy Kota

Challenge that seeks to promote a healthy lifestyle in the food

preparations when making a Kota. We want the Kota suppliers to

reduce salt and oil in their meals. Given the basic structure of this

popular township street food – a quarter loaf (Kota) of bread hollowed

out and filled with a range of relishes and closed up again – it is easy

to see why many people liken it to another local treat, the Bunny Chow.

However, its contents are what distinguishes the Kota from its Durban

cousin, the Bunny Chow: the soft loaf is crammed with a combination

of, among other ingredients, Atchaar (pickled mango), polony, slap

chips, cheese, egg and Russian sausage.’’

Soweto has been home to many famous musicians in

various genres such as jazz, kwaito and hip hop, like the late

Mandoza, who is best known for his evergreen kwaito

music hit, Nkalakatha. I was a big fan of the late Mandoza

and got to see him perform in Moletsane at a charity event

that I had hosted. Internationally renowned songs that have

come out of Soweto include Mbube: The lion sleeps tonight, the

symbolic Sophiatown anthem, Meadowlands and veteran

musician Sipho Mabuse’s enduring classic, Jive Soweto.

Whenever Sowetans go clubbing, it is all about house music

and there are live music venues throughout Soweto.

40


Leriba Hotel Offal Festival. I had the privilege of being

part of the annual offal festival at the up-market Leriba Hotel

in Centurion Pretoria, where the guests were treated to a feast

of authentic offal dishes, ranging from the township

favorite ‘Skop’ to lamb offal Potjie. Same as the Kota, the

Offal Festival is celebrated annually during the winter

months across the country.

Touring Soweto is incomplete without Vilakazi Street

8115 Vilakazi Street in Orlando West, Soweto was

former SA president Nelson Mandela’s home address

before he spent 27 years on Robben Island. Vilakazi

Street has an iconic place in the history of Soweto. It is the

only street in the world where two Nobel Peace Prize

winners – Mandela and the outspoken political activist

Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu – have lived. The

street has since become the tourist hub of Johannesburg

and houses many restaurants, including the renowned

Sakhumzi Restaurant. Number 8115 Orlando West is now

called the Mandela House Museum.

“Meat” and Greet Book Talks and the Saturday and

Sunday lunches: “Get to know a little bit more about authentic

South African cuisine, local food, drinks, culture and heritage over an

African influenced buffet lunch at the Chiefs Boma Restaurant.

Eunice Rakhale-Molefe, a former restaurant owner and author, will

be sharing the stories behind the recipes (collected over a seven yearlong

research); while encouraging families to connect while breaking

bread. A signed copy of the book will be on sale.” What you have

just read was the teaser inviting both locals and tourists to

my popular Breaking the Bread Family Conversations Sessions at

different restaurants.

Culinary Storytelling at the Chiefs Boma Restaurant in

the Indaba Hotel, Fourways, Gauteng: Culinary

Storytelling with former restaurateur and author Eunice Rakhale-

Molefe. Come and experience a full African influenced buffet and

traditional Ginger Beer, while enjoying authentic storytelling sessions

41


in the tranquil indigenous gardens of the Chiefs Boma Restaurant.

Entertainment will be provided by a top Marimba Band. This, too,

is how local and visiting who were seeking fine dining

experiences in Gauteng would be attracted to this fine

eatery.

THE DRESS CODE

Each occasion comes with a specific or requisite dress

code. Our traditional dresses – whether this would be a

isiZulu Isidwaba, the Sesotho Thebetha or a unique Sepedi

dress – and, by design, all these apparels have a tendency

to border on the theatrical in appearance. We have seen

these national dresses evolving with time. By design, also,

the different South African traditional dresses – like those

of the Basotho, Bapedi, amaXhosa, amaZulu and

Vhavenda and Vatsonga dresses – tend to be excessively

dramatic.

The colourful and beaded dresses with layer upon layer of

colourful material are typically majestic and grand. Let me

also mention that the general perception is that African

traditional feasts are disorderly, unhygienic, lacking in

organisational skills and management. But this is not true.

I have experienced many a feast where time was of the

essence, the organisation impeccable, and where, and when

the event was thoroughly enjoyable; and, all of this while

indulging in delectable South African national dishes and

other traditional delicacies.

Beads being the main accessories. Traditional

accessories vary from country to country and include animal

skins, beads, head wraps and blankets. In Kenya, over forty

thousand years ago, beads were made from different

materials and, oftentimes, wood and different stones were

the main materials for these various decorative ornaments.

Kenya is also where people first made and wore jewelry.

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The Basotho people, especially the men, wrap their

traditional blanket as an accessory. The blanket is not

only a part of the Basotho people’s everyday life, but a status

symbol as well. It is a mark of their ethnic identity and,

therefore, a token of cultural identification. In fact, for the

people of Lesotho, theirs is the only nation south of the

Sahara that illustrates the culture of an entire nation through

such an individualistic item as a tribal blanket. The visible

stripes on the blankets are known as pin-stripes. According

to historical records, these 1cm stripes originally came about

as a weaver’s fault. Instead of correcting this fault, the

manufacturer shipped them with these mistakenly woven

pin-stripes, which had then subsequently became a

traditional feature. The Basotho traditional blankets differ

from most modern blankets, in that these are almost entirely

made of wool (88% wool and 12% cotton), hence their typically

rougher and firmer texture.

These blankets are used during ceremonial occasions.

Although these blankets’ styles have been subject to outside

influences, they are still – to this day – closely linked with

the milestones of Basotho family life. Boys preparing for the

circumcision ritual don special fertility blankets which are

known as the Moholobelo. After the ceremony, the boys are

considered to have reached manhood, and they are then

expected to wear yet another kind of blanket, which is called

the Lekhokolo.

On his wedding, a man wears a blanket that is called the

Motlotlehi, and he presents his wife with a blanket that is

known as the Serope when their first child is born. Before

her wedding day, a woman spends a great deal of time trying

on and selecting blankets for her bridal attire. Women’s

blankets are quite different to men’s blankets, and theirs are

designed to be pinned over their bosoms, whereas the men

pin the blankets over their right shoulder.

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Tuku – The Head Wrap. Tying a piece of cloth around

the head is not specific to any one cultural group. Women

have worn and continue to wear some type of fabric head

covering in many societies. What does appear to be

culturally specific, however, is the way the fabric is worn. In

other words, the style in which the fabric is worn is the

ultimate cultural differentiator. True to African fashion –

once in a while or more often, depending on her mood or

the occasion – a fashion conscious woman’s outfit is always

complemented with traditional headgear. These mostly

cloth head wraps are a most common feature for many

African outfits. It is called different things in different

countries. The most popular name for this headdress

among the south Sotho speakers is Tuku. In Zimbabwe, it

is called Dhuku. The Nigerians call is the Gele (Pronounced

gaye-ay). In Malawi and Ghana it is called the Duku. In

Namibia it is called the Doek and in South Africa it is called

the Tuku (South Sotho) or Doek (Afrikaans), both meaning

a headdress that is made up of cloth. It represents far more

than a piece of fabric that is wound around the head. The

form of styling always leaves a woman’s forehead and neck

exposed; and, by leaving her face open, the head wrap

visually enhances the woman’s facial features.

TABLE TALKER

Authentic cuisine is a culinary creation which is not

necessarily written or rather jotted down in manuscripts. It

is a product of the collective genius which may have been

invented by one or more, if not all; and which is not easily

expressed in quantities of ingredients, fractions of time or

the quick or slow action of hot or cold water; and it is thus

characteristically handed down, from generation to

generation.

44

Two

The Authentic Menu

“The dinner was as thoughtfully organised as, at one time,

to reflect tradition, culture and good taste, and to exude

warmth from both the host and hostess, which was precious

and, therefore, not to be taken for granted. The food was

superb, the conversation stimulating. Certainly, the evening

was an occasion long to remember for which we wish to

thank you anew.” – Hk Yang Ambassador China

A

FRICAN CUISINE DEFINITION

African cuisine is defined by its:

1.Typical African habit of communal eating and

accompanying ritual of washing of hands;

2.The regionally-based diets, tastes and (Southern,

Western, Northern and Eastern) African recipes;

3.Typical indigenous open flame cooking style and food

preservation methods, including various ways of drying

foods;

4.And a solid traditionally influenced food culture featuring

indigenous ingredients.

As the pace of living changes, so does the eating habits

change, usually occurring out of necessity. And,

depending on the family situation, breakfast may be taken

to work for tea break with fatcakes, the imiqamelo (flat

pillow shaped fatcakes) or street corner scones. Your

typical outlets might be from a Tshisanyama on the local

street corner, a family house that has been converted into

a restaurant, or from the food vendors at the bus

terminus, the local taxi rank or at the traffic lights.

45


THE KASI (TOWNSHIP) KITCHEN

The kitchen is the heart of any home or food

establishment. Therefore, the Kasi Kitchen, like any other

kitchen reflects our inner self. Before we go any further,

the word “Kasi” means a predominantly black residential

area, or township. As we cook and exchange recipes, we

get to know more about one another’s backgrounds, skills,

passions and interests. As we do so, we also break bread.

Throughout history, food has always been a commodity

that brings people together, transcending all imaginable

and unimaginable barriers; be it cultural or educational. It

is for this reason that the traditional township kitchens –

by way of stokvels, lifestyle, fellowships and neighborhood

street committee groups – will always have a strong

tendency of impact on each and one another’s lives.

The essentials of a township or Kasi kitchen are similar to

those found in any other kitchen, in any part of the world,

except for a few utensils, including the Potjie, enamel dish,

calabash, Lesokwana (wooden spoon), the clay pot,

aluminum pots, lefetlho (whisk).

Potjie, the three-legged round-bellied cast iron pots which

are good for outdoor open fire cooking or the modern

version with a flat surface type for indoor stove top

cooking. The township kitchen is typically graced by a full

display of big pots in different sizes and shapes. The bigger

the pot, the more popular you are in the neighborhood, to

lend these for catering purposes, or hire them out for some

much needed income. The pots come in different sizes,

from the smallest one to the extra-large ones. These can

range from a pot that can cook a sheep to feed fifty people,

to a pot that can cook beef to feed five hundred people.

The smaller pots are used as serving pots on the table for

mogodu, tripe which is our “national dish” in the

townships; and for signature dishes like Lamb Shank and

46


Oxtail. These cast iron pots are a heritage that has been

passed down the generations in our families. These types

of durable pots also service the local communities for the

elaborate food preparations that can easily cater for huge

feasts and festivities.

Another iconic Kasi cooking utensils is the enamel dish,

and these also come in different sizes. As with the cast iron

pots, the bigger is always the better, making one a

resourceful neighbor for those huge traditional functions,

like weddings, funerals, rituals or clan feasts. Or, at one

time or the other, it could be for any excuse to have a feast,

for that matter! These dishes and Potjies or cast iron pots

are usually kept in the family as part of the estate and

handed down the generations, often according to the

parents’ wishes.

The Calabash or Long Melon is named after a vine that is

commonly grown for its harvested young fruits. When it is

mature, it is dried and used as a drinking utensil or pipe.

The clay pot – Commonly, every home has one hidden

in the cupboards for display on those special occasions. It

serves as a storage jar as well as for serving umqombothi –

the traditional sorghum beer.

Lesokwana – the solid wooden spoon and Lefehlo or

Lefehlo – Setswana and Sesotho, respectively, for a

handmade wire whisk – are “must-haves” in the kitchen to

save one from heavy stirring and the misery of lumps when

you could be cooking pap or preparing any particular

dough like foodstuff.

Although aluminum pots are a much loved traditional

utensil in the kitchen, it must be noted that these must be

used with great caution, as research has shown that this

metal is harmful, particularly when used in the cooking

process. For health reasons, this equipment is fading off

from our kitchens and rightfully so.

47

AFRICAN DELICACIES’


Some of the traditional appetisers found on the South

African menu may be served as starters. These include:

Mogodu or livestock’s tripe;

Kapenta (Anchovies);

Ditsie (Brown Locusts);

The Stinkbug;

Ditloo (Jugo Beans);

Roasted Pumpkin Pips;

Maotwana or chicken, sheep, pig, goat or cow’s feet, also

colloquially known as trotters;

Skop or sheep, pig, goat or cow’s head;

Biltong, sehwapa or Umqweyiba, which is salty, spicy dried

meat, and;

The tasty nutritious Masonja or Mopani Worms, which are

common in Limpopo.

Interestingly, Mopani Worms – Masonja in Venda – is a

delicacy we share with our neighbours in Zimbabwe, where

these are known as Madora or Amacimbi, whereas in

Botswana, the Masonja are called Phane. These are collected

from the Mopani trees and cured in the same way as drying

and salting meat, resulting in cured meat known in South

Africa as biltong. The masonja make good long distance travel

snacks.

PREPARING THE KASI DELICACIES

The Masonja or Mopani Worms, constitute an

indigenous protein for most of the indigenous Southern

African people.

To prepare, soak 500g of Masonja for an

hour, to soften. Marinade and fry an onion

in butter and olive oil. Add the softened

Masonja and one chopped tomato.

48


Simmer for a few minutes and serve with

beetroot and chilli chutney.

Ditloo (Setswana for Jugo Beans), which

are boiled, seasoned and eaten as peanuts.

Sebera or Mealie Snack is a Basotho

traditional snack. In a cast iron pot, boil

1litre of water. Add 400g of dried kernels

and simmer until soft. Drain the water and

roast the cooked mealie. Correct the

seasoning with salt. Best eaten as peanuts.

Sehwapa – Biltong: Generally known as Sehwapa,

Umqweyiba or Biltong in South Africa, is also popular

amongst the Shona’s in Zimbabwe, among whom it is

known as Chumukuyu.

To make your own Biltong, you roast

coriander seeds in a dry frying pan to bring

out the flavours. Then you crush these

lightly and mix with salt and black pepper.

You then sprinkle these spices on the cut

meat (which could be in strips of 2cm x 3cm)

and then refrigerate for 24 hours for even

flavouring. Finally, you hang up the meat

to dry in an airy space for five days.

Brown Locusts: These are known in Setswana or Sesotho

as Ditsie and as Ditjie in Sepedi. Locusts are an indigenous

protein rich delicacy served as a relish with porridges. As a

relish, the insects must be fresh and whole.

To prepare, melt 20ml butter in a frying

pan. Add 2 cups of insects’ salt and pepper.

49


Fry for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add a pre-prepared mixture of tomato and

onion and simmer.

The Stinkbug is another indigenous edible insect. It is an

indigenous Venda delicacy that is harvested in winter.

Besides being a raw snack, this delicacy – when refined –

adds flavour to stews.

Kapenta (Anchovies): The Petite Tiny Little

Fish. To prepare, clean two cups of

Kapenta with hot water and fry with olive

oil and butter for 10 minutes, until these

become brown. Add tomato and onion

gravy and serve with dumplings and

traditional sambals.

Roasted Pumpkin Pips: These are a popular

flavour packed snacks and are easy to

prepare. When preparing the roasted

pumpkin pips, wash the pips to remove the

wax coating and pat dry with a clean cloth.

Heat a dry frying pan, add the pips and

salt. Cook over high heat for five minutes,

until the pips start to crackle and become

aromatic. Serve as a snack, or to sprinkle

over salads.

We Have a Table...

Because of its unique setting – being located in the Design

Quarters next to Monte Casino Entertainment Complex in

Fourways – the restaurant was mostly frequented by foreign

guests. It is important to discuss the food in depth with your

guests, particularly those with a foreign palate. On this

occasion, the guests, a couple from East Asia, were tourists.

50


Confidently, they ordered a three course meal, complete

with appetisers of chicken livers and Maotwana, South Sotho

for chicken feet. As we try to explain what Maotwana is, the

wife insists on Maotwana, her eyes all the while hooked onto

the adjacent table. A while later, the bell rings from

downstairs to indicate that the order is almost done.

“Almost done!” as my granddaughter Aminah, always says,

whenever she is trying to get out of the mischief of

unfinished tasks. With precision, we started with the

“prepping”; setting the requisite cutlery, followed by the

washing of hands, tying of protective smocks around the

neck and bringing the sauces to the dinner table. With great

pomp and ceremony, the chef brought the food, holding the

hot Maotwana Potjie with great care.

“Enjoy your meal,” he says, as he puts the lid aside.

Horrified at the sight of the chicken feet, Maotwana, the

wife almost falls off her chair. Thinking that she might have

burnt herself, I quickly come to the table, preparing to put

my nursing skills on full display.

“Quickly; take away the pot,” the husband had motioned.

As it had turned out, the guest did not have a clue about the

meal she had ordered. I discovered, later, that it was the

Maotwana Potjie Pot that had captured her attention.

“My goodness; it is not like we fed her a snake,” I had

thought to myself, as I recalled the drama. From then on,

we had a fresh demonstration platter of our exotic dishes,

including shell fish, which we always kept garnished in the

refrigerator.

Maotwana – as with most of our traditional foods, and

besides being popular – are high in nutritional value.

Colloquially referred to as “runaways” or trotters, these may

be grilled and eaten as a snack at the local Tshisanyama eatery,

or stewed in a curried sauce as a starter in a formal sit down

dining eatery.

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When preparing Maotwana you clean,

trim and cut off the nails, and boil until

soft. You then add sliced onion, chicken

spice, turmeric and thyme. Afterwards,

you serve this in a potjie pot, with pap and

Morogo.

The local butchers now supply trotters and skop (sheep, cow

or goat’s head) cleaned, saving time and labour for those

who may wish to prepare this popular lunchtime meal or

snack. The skop is a delicacy we share with many countries

around the world, including Morocco and Iceland. In

Iceland, the dish became popular when the people could

not afford to waste any part of the animal.

When preparing Manqena, IsiZulu for

sheep, pig or cow’s trotters, soak 1cup of

butterbeans overnight. Cook the beans

slowly, with 4 trotters, for 5 hours, until

these become soft. During the last hour,

add 1 sliced onion, 2 sliced carrots and

season with curry, turmeric, black pepper,

salt and nutmeg. Add coriander, bay leaves

and cook until the meat peels off from the

bones. Remove the bones and allow to cool.

Slice and serve on a bed of sliced tomatoes,

onion and avocado. This is even better

prepared a day or two ahead. It may also

be served with tomato and onion gravy

and Pap.

When preparing Skop, cook the livestock’s

head in boiling salt water for 2 to 3 hours,

until this becomes soft. Remove from the

52


boiling water and leave the Skop to cool

down. Rub the head with mixed herbs and

Tshisanyama Spice. Rub extra spices in the

mouth and all other openings in the head.

Smear the head with a mix of tomato

sauce, Worcester sauce and Tshisanyama

spice. Place in the oven on a greased

baking tray at a high temperature (or in a

greased and lidded cast iron pot on a very

hot fire) and bake until this becomes shiny

and brown on the outside. Serve with Pap,

garnished with fresh sprigs of Rosemary

and Rose Tomatoes.

STREET FOODS

Kota, like most street and takeaway foods, falls under the

“rich and fattening” category. This is also one of the most

popular middle-of-the-road, everyday township street foods

or takeaway meals. Every household has what I call a

“Family Chef”.

On days that such as when the theoretical chef is off, you

must have something up your sleeve, and that is when the

Kota comes in handy, when one engages in the process of

creating a menu without the hassle of cooking. The Kota is

a meal that was originally intended for schoolchildren, back

then, when lunch boxes were foreign. So, what are the

distinguishing aspects of your typical Kota meal? A Kota, a

colloquial play on the English word, “Quarter”, is basically

a loaf of bread that has been cut into four parts, and hence

the slang name rhyming with “Quarter”.

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On one of three Quarters, a hole is made for

the filling by scooping out the inner part of

the bread, stuffing or filling this with

Atchaar (pickled mango pieces) and liver

spread and replacing the scooped bread

back as a lid. This is the original version of

the legendary Kota meal.

As this popular township staple evolved, fried chips were

added; and the previously standard liver spread (which was

previously known as “White Liver”) was replaced with

polony. And, now, the new Kota meal has now been

positioned such that it is priced and graded according to the

different types of fillings in a Kota meal. As with the diehard

Mogodu patrons, gourmet Kota patrons do not mind

travelling long distances for their favourite Kota meal, which

would always be prepared to their taste, flavour and

perfection; and which remains an unsurpassed, yet

affordable township favourite.

Street Corner Scones: These are what many people in the

townships choose to call their breakfast on the run. One

day, my friend, Lindy, had tea time hunger pangs at work.

Ever so helpful, a dear friend and colleague, Portia, offered

Lindy these rather odd looking round, brownish cookies in

transparent plastic bags. These are always packed in 5’s!

“What are those and where do they come from?” asked

Lindy, suspiciously. “From Soweto; at the intersection

robots (traffic lights)”, Portia had replied. From then on, the

girls enjoyed the scones with their morning tea, and this

became their daily ritual. This is a similar, regular event for

many daily commuters throughout South Africa, who must

leave their homes in the wee hours of the morning to get to

work on time.

Furthermore, with flexible hours and more families working

from home, breakfast may be a bowl of soft porridge with

54


milk or the ever popular two slices of bread with peanut

butter and jam. Yet another traditional breakfast of old

consists of fermented grain, known in Sesotho as Motoho wa

Mabele, soft porridge, which is also known in Setswana as

Ting (fermented maize meal porridge).

This is essentially malt flavoured grain mixed with sorghum.

But the Ghanaian people prefer the type made from

fermented maize, which they call Kenkey. The same version,

although being soft porridge from white maize, is a

favourite of the Basotho and Batswana, which they call

Mageu.

Magwinya – Fatcakes: When preparing

Magwinya, sift together in a bowl, 500ml of

cake flour, 15ml of baking powder, and 1

teaspoon of seeds and add a pinch of salt.

Mix together 200ml milk and 1 egg, and

mix these to make a well in the center until

it is smooth dough. Break off the dough into

small pieces and deep fry in hot oil, until

the buns are golden brown. Serve with

Atchaar and Snoek Fish Sauce.

Snoek Fish Sauce: Soak snoek fish in water

overnight. Allow this to dry a little bit and

flake into fine shaves. Add finely chopped

peaches and mix with tomato and onion

gravy.

Mageu: To prepare Mageu, make a paste of

1 cup of smooth maize meal with cold

water. Add the paste to boiling water,

stirring until it thickens. Simmer for 20

minutes and leave to cool.

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Add 4 tablespoons of flour and sugar, to

taste. Leave for a day or two, until this

becomes sour. Serve cold.

Sorghum and Beans: To make Sorghum

and Beans, take 250g of sugar beans, 200g

of maize and 200g of sorghum, and add all

of these to a 500ml pot of boiling water.

Simmer until soft and well-cooked, stirring

intermittently. Season and serve hot.

Traditional Scones: To round off the ways

of making the fabled Street Foods before

these hit the street corners, taxi ranks and

bus terminuses, here is how you can make

Traditional Scones: Mix 450g of self-rising

flour, 50g of Castor Sugar and 2 teaspoons

of Baking Powder. Cut in 100g of butter

and work this with your hands, until the

mixture is well-combined and resembling a

fine breadcrumb texture. Add in 100g of

Raisins, Sultanas, Cherries, and

Cranberries; and gradually add 200ml of

milk. Work this in until it is well-combined

and forms a soft dough. Press out on a

floured surface, and be careful not to work

or knead the dough too much, as it will not

rise. Cut with a scone-cutter and lace on a

floured baking tray, ensuring that the

cutlets are not too close together. Using a

pastry brush, brush the tops with milk or a

beaten egg.

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In a preheated oven bake for 20 minutes,

until these are golden brown. Place on a

cooling rack.

You will notice that the method of mixing traditional

scones is different from the usual jam and butter scones,

giving these a pliable, easy-to-mold consistency. For the

added crunchiness, the last quarter portion of the sugar is

added at the end of the mixing process, just before cutting.

LUNCH

For most South Africans, the main meal is dinner, as

opposed to other nations like our fellow Africans in

neighbouring Botswana, where lunch is a substantial meal

and dinner is a slice of bread and a cup of tea. Lunch may

be dinner leftovers, Kota or Magwinya.

A staple South African diet consists of Pap or Samp and

beans, served with a variety of Offal (livestock innards),

Morogo (the staple veggie) with ground nuts or cabbage. The

cabbage can be jazzed up a bit to create delicious relishes,

stews or curries, which might not necessarily include meat.

The combination of Pap and Morogo is more like your

Kenyan “Push the Week” meal of Ugali and Sukuma wiki,

when the budget gets tighter.

For the affluent types, meat or fish is part of the staple diet.

Soups are for winter, either as a starter or as a stand-alone

meal. Our meals are generally washed down with tea, instead

of coffee. More about tea in the next chapter.

STARTERS

Starters are a sneak preview of the direction of the main

dish, therefore, this part of the meal must feature indigenous

and traditional elements, while accommodating unfamiliar

palates. As the main ingredient of South African cuisine is

57


mostly meat, these would most likely consist mainly of offal,

like liver, livestock’s tongue, or kidneys.

Avocado and Smoked Snoek Salad: Cut half

an Avocado. Mix 50g of smoked snoek

(flaked), 10gr cashew nuts, 10g of chopped

onions, and 10g of grated apple, 20g of

mayonnaise and 10ml of cream. Season

with salt and pepper. Serve in Coupe

Denmark with a fork and a dessert spoon.

Banana and Bean Salad: Mix pre-cooked

butter beans with tomato sauce and

mayonnaise. Add black pepper, chicken

spice and Paprika. Sprinkle the banana

with lemon juice and stir into the mixture.

Serve with chicken livers or giblets and a

slice of dumpling.

Soweto Beetroot Salad: For this you will

need 100g of Baby Beetroot, which should

be cooked, peeled, and then diced, nicely.

Season and roast the beetroot in a hot oven.

Afterwards, allow this to cool. Strip a

bunch of Morogo or Spinach, from the

stems, then par-boil and season the stems

with salt. Toss the beetroot and Morogo into

the citrus, honey and mustard dressing.

Lay the Morogo around the edge of the

plate, with Phutu (coarse maize porridge or

Pap) in the middle. Garnish with half an

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orange – which has been cut into segments

– at the top of Phutu Pap.

Imphwa – Baby Brinjal Ingredients: 3

tomatoes and 3 onions. The tomatoes and

onions should be chopped, boiled and

simmered for 10 minutes. Garnish: Season

with salt and pepper; 3ml of chilli powder,

3ml of Turmeric and 3 cups of chopped

Brinjal.

Citrus, Honey and Mustard Dressing.

What we will need: 50ml of olive oil, 10ml of

honey, 1 teaspoon of English Mustard, 60ml

of orange juice, 30ml of lemon juice 30ml of

mayonnaise. Mix all parts, season with

choice spices, and serve.

Delele – Okra Ingredients: 3 cups of Okra,

which should be sliced and added to boiled

water, then should be mixed together with

5ml of bicarbonate of soda (dissolved). Add

3 chopped tomatoes and season with salt

and pepper, then boil and simmer for 15

minutes.

Chakalaka: Heat and fry 1 grated onion, 1

grated Green Pepper, 1 crushed Garlic, and

30g of crushed Ginger. Add 10g of Turmeric,

salt and white pepper. Add 3 medium-sized

grated carrots and 1 medium-sized

cauliflower; all of which should be divided

into florets. Cook for 15 minutes.

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Allow to cool. Add a tin of baked beans and

1 tablespoon of homemade peri-peri. The

salad can be prepared the day before.

Serves 46 people.

Peri-Peri Chicken Livers: Ingredients 500g

of Chicken livers, 125ml of tomato and onion

gravy (pre-prepared), and 10ml of red wine,

1 tablespoon of Paprika. Method: Fry 500g

of chicken livers in oil, until these turn

brown. Add 1 teaspoon of Paprika, 10ml of

Red Wine, Add a half measure of a chef’s

spoon tomato and onion gravy and half a

teaspoon of Peri-Peri Sauce. Allow to

simmer. Serve in a half a portion of Phyllo

Basket with beetroot and Morogo salad.

To make a Phyllo Basket, brush 3 sheets of

Phyllo (measuring 10cm by 10cm) with

melted butter. Place the Phyllo sheets on

top of each other. Place the Phyllo pastry in

a muffin tin, to form. Bake in moderate

oven at 160 Celsius to 180 Celsius, until this

turns golden brown, with a firm base. Be

vigilant as this can burn in minutes. Premake

for prep in advance.

Curried Chicken Salad : Create a mix of 2

tablespoons seasonings in a large bowl. Add

2 cups of cooked chicken, 1 cubed ripe

mango (peeled and diced), half a cup of

diced celery, a quarter cup of diced spring

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onions, and 1 tablespoon of chopped

coriander. Toss the mix to coat, and add

cashews.

Maize and Bean Soup: This is a hearty

Xhosa soup. Soak 500g of sugar beans

overnight. Boil the soaked beans in 500ml

of stock for two hours, until tender. Add

frozen, 250g. In a sauce pan, fry 1 of

chopped onion and 2 diced potatoes in 20ml

of oil. Add 125ml Maizena, salt and white

pepper. Add this to the maize and beans

and simmer, until this is well-cooked.

Correct the seasoning; then serve with

dumplings.

Butternut Soup: Fry 100g of chopped onion

in 50ml of oil, until clear. Add 10g of curry

powder and cook out. Add 1kg of Butternut

(peeled and diced). Add 250ml of chicken

soup. Boil until soft, round off with correct

seasoning and blend (ensuring that there

are no lumps). Sprinkle with black pepper

and serve with dumpling.

Portuguese Soup – Caldo Verde: Peel and

dice 300g of Portuguese sausage. Scrub 6

potatoes and cut these into 1cm cubes. Heat

the oil and fry 1 diced onion over a gentle

heat, until this becomes soft. Add 2 chopped

Garlic cloves and sausage pieces and fry for

a further 4 minutes.

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Now, add the potatoes and cook for 1

minute more, before adding 2 liters of

water. Increase the heat to bring the

mixture to a boil, then reduce to a simmer

and cook for 10 minutes (uncovered).

Thoroughly wash 500g of Kale or Cabbage,

to remove any traces of grit, then trim off

the tough stems and shred the leaves as

finely as possible. Add the greens to the

soup; bring back to a boil, then reduce to a

simmer and cook for 10 minutes more. Ladle

into warmed soup bowls and serve with

dumpling.

Haloumi Cheese with spicy caramelized

sweet potato and Peppadew dressing: Melt

butter and fry sweet potato (peeled and

sliced). Add 50g of Brown Sugar, and

caramelise. Add chopped sweet Peppadew

to standard salad dressing.

Assembling the salad: Grill 100g of Haloumi

Cheese (sliced, coated with spiced bread

crumbs or flour). In the center of the plate,

place sweet potatoes, and arrange the

Haloumi cheese, around the plate. Drizzle

with Peppadew dressing.

Snails: In a pan, fry 6 Snails in butter. Add

previously-prepared tomato and onion

gravy. Serve with dumpling.

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Creamy Garlic Sauce: Fry a half chopped

onion and 30g Garlic in 50g of Butter. Add

10g of chopped Parsley, 50ml of cream,

100ml of white sauce, and simmer. Ensure

the correct consistency, and season with

salt and pepper.

White Sauce. Cook the following, for 20

minutes, in 500ml chicken stock: 1 onion

(sliced); 1 carrot (sliced); Bay leaf; 1 Sprig of

parsley; 6 Peppercorns. Melt 100g of butter

and add 100g of flour. Cook for a few

minutes. Add the stock, simmer for several

minutes, and then season with salt.

Mussels Seshebo (Relish): Bring 100ml of

previously prepared tomato and onion

gravy to the boil. Add 6 Mussels and

simmer for 5 minutes. Ensure correct

seasoning and serve with dumpling in a

soup plate.

At our restaurants, we served traditional Portuguese and

Mozambican seafood cuisine with a continental touch.

Because of this, making chilli became one of my specialties.

The recipe below has never failed me and is one of my

signature sauces.

Peri-Peri Sauce: Mix Red, Yellow and

Green chilli Peppers (750g each). These

should be finely chopped. Add 1 clove of

Garlic powder, 2 tablespoons of Paprika,

and 1 tablespoon of coarse salt. Cut 2 lemons

in half and remove the pits.

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Add 1 cup of water and boil for 30 minutes.

Remove the lemons and squeeze 50ml of

lemon juice from each of the two lemons.

Add Wine Vinegar, Olive Oil and

Worcester Sauce. Mash the mixture into a

smooth paste and allow this to cool and

store in a cool place.

Ox or Lamb Liver. Mix the following dry

ingredients: 2 teaspoons of plain flour; 10ml

of barbecue spice; And half a teaspoon of

Sage. Toss 6 slices of Ox or Lamb Liver in

the flour mix. Heat 25g of butter in a frying

pan. Add 2 medium-sized onions and fry

until golden. Add the liver and fry for 10 to

15 minutes. Serve with Morogo Salad and

Pap tartlets.

MAIN COURSE

Our national dish – especially among most of the

indigenous Africans in the country – is Mogodu, tripe, which

is also a favourite of the Italians, while South Africa’s other

signature dishes include Lamb Shank and Oxtail; and these

are usually served with great pomp and pageantry.

We start off with the prepping

First to be positioned in their appropriate places on the table

are the serving spoons, steak knives, side plates, finger

bowls and the various condiments. Next is the washing of

hands, tying of protective smocks and, finally, the

introduction of the three traditional sauces – Beetroot

sauce, Atchaar, Tomato and Onion Gravy – to the table, as

well.

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All year round, there is hardly a weekend which would have

passed without a family feast, and this could either be the

celebration of the birth of a child, a graduation party, a

christening ceremony, the homecoming of local youths

from a traditional grooming school, known in Sesotho as

Lebollo; or lobola, a traditional engagement, involving the

payment of dowry.

Such events are oftentimes a legitimate excuse for the

celebrants to slaughter a cow, sheep, goat or chicken; and

for both the hosts and guests to be resplendent in elegant

traditional dresses and for all to unanimously punctuate the

occasion with impromptu, albeit exuberant song and dance.

South Africans, nearly the same as many other nations

around the world, celebrate Christmas splendidly, and

mostly with the preparation and serving of free-range

chicken, Umleqwa, as they call it in isiXhosa; with the

alternative being Cornish Hen. Conversely, for the

Portuguese, this year-end coincides with the pigslaughtering

season.

In South Africa, the free-range chicken, Umleqwa, graces

many South African family tables during the Christmas

period. The bird is laid out more for your intimate

Christmas meals. But, for more elaborate occasions, a sheep

is slaughtered.

Mogodu complements the meat range, and is served with

dumpling, Samp, conventional pap, or Ting, the fermented

maize meal porridge which is mostly popular among the

Batswana or Setswana-speaking people. These are often

completed with salads, especially when the event is marked

with a Spit Braai (Grill or Barbeque).

Ostrich Kebabs: Thread 500g of cubed

ostrich fillet. Add 2 chopped onions and 3

chopped Green Peppers, on skewers.

Season with salt and pepper.

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Grill the kebabs over medium heat for

about 10 minutes. Mix the pepper sauce

with cranberry sauce and serve over

kebabs. Serve with Phutu (coarse Pap) and

cabbage.

Sheep Mogodu Tripe Potjie. For this

“People’s favourite”, always make

provision for seconds and follow-up visits

to the serving table. Method: Clean 1kg of

sheep tripe, Cook for 3 hours, until soft.

Add 1 chopped onion, 4 potatoes cut in a

quarter measure of brown onion paste and

1 tablespoon of Worcester sauce. Correct

the seasoning.

For prepping, follow the method as with the Lamb Shank

and Oxtail recipes. Offer the guests lemon water for the

washing of hands, and a cloth to wipe off their hands. Serve

in a small Potjie, with pap or Samp, Morogo and sambals

of traditional sauces of beetroot and Atchaar. Or you could

indulge and create a feast of a Traditional Platter consisting

of Maotwana (chicken trotters), Mogodu and Chicken

Livers, ideally recommended for communal eating.

Umleqwa – Traditional Chicken: Clean

pieces of humanely slaughtered chicken(s)

by washing these thoroughly in cold water.

Place the pieces of chicken in a large pot.

Add 2 finely chopped onions, 4 cloves of

garlic (peeled and crushed), 4 potatoes

(peeled and diced) to the chicken.

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Pour 2 litres of chicken stock, and sprinkle

salt and pepper to taste. Cook for one and

a half hours, over low heat, until meat is

tender and the liquid has reduced. Serve

with dumpling.

Sticky Chicken Wings BBQ Sauce: Mix 2

tablespoons of olive oil, 2 tablespoons of

sauce, 2 tablespoons of honey or light brown

sugar, 1tablespoon of balsamic vinegar, 1

tablespoon of lemon juice, 1 teaspoon

paprika, half a teaspoon of dried coriander,

half a teaspoon of ground cinnamon, 2

cloves of garlic (minced), a generous pinch

of coarse salt and a large helping of freshly

ground black pepper.

Pan-Fried Chicken Breasts: Fry 100g of

chicken strips of chicken fillet in butter, add

half a portion of chopped onion. Both the

chicken and the onion should be fried until

soft. Add 50g of mushrooms. Season with

salt and black pepper. Add 1 tablespoon of

old brown sherry and 125 ml of fresh cream.

Serve with dumpling, Morogo and

pumpkin.

Chicken Stew: Dry 10 pieces of chicken legs

and thighs with paper towels and place on

a tray. Season with salt and pepper. In a

large frying pan, heat 2 tablespoons of oil

together with 2 tablespoons of butter over

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medium heat. Brown the chicken pieces on

both sides and set aside in a mixing bowl.

In the same pan, sauté 40 whole cloves of

garlic and 1 chopped onion until the garlic

and onions are browned. Transfer the

chicken (with all of its juices), the Garlic

and onions onto a 5 litre pot. Add 1

tablespoon of thyme leaves, 2 cups dry red

wine, and cook over medium heat for 2

hours. Add a packet of brown onion; or

make your own paste as per the recipe on

the next page.

Chicken Wings with Whipped Feta Sauce:

Baste 10 chicken wings with BBQ sauce,

cover the meat with cling film and leave to

stand in the fridge (overnight is ideal).

Remove the chicken wings from the fridge

and bring to room temperature, about 20

minutes before cooking. Cook on the braai,

or roast in the oven for 20 minutes or until

cooked through, sticky and golden. Baste

with any extra BBQ sauce each time you

turn the chicken wings.

Serve immediately with the whipped feta

on the side. These should ideally be served

with homemade bread.

Whipped Feta Sauce: Combine 100g of feta

cheese, 100g of smooth cottage cheese or

thick natural yoghurt, zest of 1 lemon juice,

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2 tablespoons of olive oil or milk, to loosen,

1 tablespoon of freshly chopped basil and

mint. Add freshly ground black pepper to

taste. Pour all these ingredients into a food

processor and grind into a fine, tasty

fusion. Check for seasoning and set aside in

a serving bowl with a drizzle of olive oil

and a twist of black pepper to garnish.

Tshotlo or Pounded red meat: Cook Brisket

for about 2 hours in onion, until soft. Season

with salt and meat spice. Remove the bones

and pound the meat. Add half a cup of

Brown Onion Sauce. Serve with Ting, the

Batswana people’s favourite fermented

maize meal porridge or Pap.

Brown Onion Sauce: Heat oil and fry meat

bones in a pan until brown and remove.

Heat oil with 4 tablespoons of butter on

low heat. To this, add 1 chopped onion and

combine, until transparent. Add a cup of

sliced cabbage and fry until brown. Dust

the meat bones with flour and fry in the

onion mixture. Season with salt and

pepper. Add 1 cup of water, stirring

continuously, until a paste is formed.

Simmer for 10 minutes and remove from

stove to cool. Sift the mixture and use as

necessary.

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Pilau: This is a popular Kenyan dish; very

much like Breyani among South Africans

of Indian descent, and this is served mostly

at large gatherings. To prepare Pilau, fry

and brown Cubed Beef using curry

powder, turmeric, chilli, garlic and

Dhania. Add 250ml of beef stock and cook

until the meat is tender. Add peas, carrots

and rice and cook for 15 minutes.

Goat Meat Stew: Season 1kg of goat meat

with 1 finely chopped onion, 15g of crushed

ginger and salt. Add 250ml of water and

cook the meat gently for 30 minutes,

stirring occasionally. Add 2ml Paprika, 2

chopped tomatoes, 1 Brinjal (peeled and

chopped), 125ml of pre-cooked butter beans.

Cook for a further 30 minutes, adding

water, until the meat falls off the bones.

Serve with dumpling or Fufu.

Impala or Venison Ragout: Debone 1 leg of

Impala, weighing 750g – 1kg, and cut the

meat into sizeable cubes. Combine the

cubed Impala meat with 2 chopped onions,

2 ripe tomatoes (grated), half a cup oil and

1 cup of beef stock. Allow the meat to

simmer for 1 hour, until this becomes soft.

Remove the meat from the stock and place

it in another saucepan. Keep the stock,

with which to make soup. Season the meat

and add 250g of mushrooms, 50ml red wine

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and 1 litre of cream. Cook slowly, until

creamy and thickened. Spoon the meal into

a serving dish and garnish with chopped

parsley and beetroot sauce. Serve with

cabbage and dumpling.

Mutton Potjie: Heat 2 tablespoons of oil,

20g butter, 1 chopped onion and 50g of

chopped Garlic. Fry until this turns golden

brown. Add 500g mutton neck and fry for

5 minutes. Add 1 tablespoon of mixed herbs.

Season with coarse salt, meat spice and

paprika. Add 1 medium chopped onion

and 1 medium chopped green pepper. Fry

for approximately 5 minutes, until these

become soft. Add 2 chopped carrots, 2 large

peeled potato cubes and 50ml of red wine.

To this, add 1 cup of water and cook for 10

minutes. Add 2 thickly-sliced baby

marrows and simmer for 5 minutes. Serve

with dumpling.

Lamb Shank – Lengwele la Nku in Sesotho,

is one other South African signature dish.

This is a particularly succulent dish, and is

derived from the lower section of a sheep,

which is extremely tough and full of

connective tissue. This cut of meat contains

a high amount of collagen, which is

released during long cooking, at low heat.

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Preparation :Heat a large cooking pot over

a high heat. Season the 4 lamb shanks and

fry in 2 tablespoons of oil, until the meat is

evenly-browned, all over. Remove from the

pan and set aside. Add 1 onion (roughly

chopped), 1 carrot, (roughly chopped), 1

stick of celery (roughly chopped). Then add

1 twig of Rosemary and 2 Garlic cloves

(crushed) to the pan and caramelize to a

golden brown colour. Reintroduce the 4

Lamb shanks back into the pan and add

250ml of red wine, 750ml of lamb stock and

bring the meal to a boil. Skim any

impurities that may rise to the surface and

reduce the heat. Simmer for 2 hours, until

the meat easily peels off the bones. Allow

this to cool in the liquid before removing

the meat and serving. For a suitable prep,

offer the guests lemon water for the

washing of hands and a cloth each, to wipe

off the diners’ hands. Serve in a small

Potjie, with dumpling, Morogo and

sambals of traditional sauces of beetroot

and Atchaar.

Meat Balls: Mix together, in a bowl, 500g of

lean beef mince, 2 cups of breadcrumbs, 2

eggs, a handful of freshly-chopped Parsley,

a pinch of coarse salt and black pepper.

Form meat balls of about 5cm in diameter.

Brown the meatballs in a hot pan, with a

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little oil; just enough to color the meatballs

into a satisfactory brown colour, and place

in an oven dish. Heat the oven, then soften

half a cup of finely-chopped onions in a pan

– with butter – over a medium heat. Add

half a cup of beef stock, 3 tablespoons of

butter and half a cup of finely-chopped

apricots, and mix well. Pour the sauce over

the meatballs and bake in the oven for 25

minutes.

Oxtail, Mohatla wa kgomo in Sesotho, is yet another

signature in Mzansi, as South Africa is known, colloquially,

among the country’s indigenous African citizens. Even

though oxtails are not from the inside of a livestock beast,

are categorised under offal, and – as such – the name is the

culinary description for the tail of cattle.

In the olden days, oxtail did come from steers, but today it

is simply derived from the tails of beef cattle of both

genders. This is the bony, gelatin-rich meat, which is usually

slow cooked. The consumption of oxtail as offal dates back

to the times when no part of an animal went to waste.

At the time, each part of an animal was utilised, and –

oftentimes – the tail made a wonderful hearty soup, that

used to help in stretching a small amount of meat, especially

when this was complemented with the addition of any

variety of vegetables. As with any stew, the key is to carefully

brown the meat in oil – ideally in batches – to ensure an

adequate infusion of flavour, throughout.

Oxtail Preparation: Add 2 chopped onions,

4 diced carrots, and fry, until this turns

brown in colour. Add half of a chef’s spoon

of Paprika, a quarter of a chef’s spoon of

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salt and coarse black pepper. To this, add 3

litres water, then simmer for 3 to 4 hours.

Add 250g of pre-cooked sugar beans.

Black Bream – Galjoen: Place the Galjoen

in a bowl. Add fish spice and black pepper.

Select your favorite fish sauce and spread

evenly. Add a dash of lemon. Grill in the

oven. Serve with Pap.

Kabeljou: Heat the pan to a medium-high

heat and rub the Kabeljou, all round, with

oil; then sprinkle fish seasoning and

pepper. Cook the fish skin, side down, for

about 4 minutes, until the skin is crisp. Flip

the fish and cook for a further 4 minutes,

until the fish is well-cooked. Move the fish

onto a large plate and place on a bed of

Morogo. Serve with three bean salad and

Pap.

Kingklip Thermidor: Melt 2 tablespoons of

butter and brush over the fish. Season with

salt and pepper. Turn each fish and place

the fish, seam side down, in a baking dish.

In a pre-heated oven, pour half a cup of

milk over the fish and bake at 350 degrees

for 25 minutes, until the fish begins to

crumble. Prepare the accompanying sauce

as has been shown below.

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Coconut Cheese Sauce: Mix 300ml of milk

and 1 cup of grated Cheddar with 3

tablespoons of Sherry and season with salt

and pepper. Spoon 60ml liquid from the

fish meal and stir into the cheese sauce.

Pour about 8 Kingklip fillets; sprinkle these

with Paprika and bake for a few more

seconds. This meal serves best with Pap or

rice.

Angwala (Whole Bream): Before it is pan

fried, the fish should be brushed with lemon

juice, coated with flour, and seasoned with

salt and pepper. Then you can panfry the

fish, evenly, on both sides for 10 minutes,

until it is brown and crisp. Serve with

sweet potato chips with traditional

sambals of beetroot, Atchaar and tomato

and onion gravy.

Portuguese Sardines Braai (Barbeque):

Prepare the braai fire, which should

ideally be low, to no flames. Oiling the

braai grate is highly recommended. You

will need 1kg of sardines – enough to serve

4 people – which should be scaled, cleaned

and rinsed, from your fisherman. Lay the

sardines on a clean kitchen towel and

remove any excess wetness from the fish

and place these in the fridge until ready to

braai. In advance, prepare tomato olive

vinaigrette.

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Tomato Olive Vinaigrette: In a mixing

bowl, combine 2 cups of diced tomatoes, half

a cup of olive oil, a three quarters-full cup

of olives (pitted and coarsely chopped), a

three quarters full cup of parsley, 2

tablespoons of fresh Basil (chopped), 2

tablespoons of red onions (finely sliced), 1

tablespoon of crushed Garlic, 1 teaspoon of

coarse salt and half a teaspoon of pepper.

Before braaing the fish: Place the sardines

on a baking sheet and sprinkle with a

quarter cup of olive oil, and turn the fish,

to coat completely. Spice the fish with the

remaining salt and pepper and then place

the sardines on the braai grate; with the

heat on the medium fire stage. Cook the fish,

undisturbed, for 3 minutes, until the skin is

slightly burnt to a crisp, and can be easily

skimmed off the braai grate. Turn the

sardines over and cook for another 3

minutes. Cut 1 lemon into several sizeable

slices. Brush the lemon slices on the

sardines. Repeat the same brushing process

with 1 tomato (halved), as well as with some

of the remaining olive oil; then season with

salt and pepper.

Braai the fish, until these are slightly

charred. Afterwards, place the sardines on

a serving platter, and sprinkle these with

the remaining olive oil. Also sprinkle half a

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cup of lemon juice over the sardines.

Finally, spoon the Tomato Olive vinaigrette

over the fish. Serve with Pap.

Portuguese Sardines: Clean 4 – 8 sardines,

and rub these with coarse salt and fish

spice, then fry the fish in butter. Add 1

chopped onion, green pepper and pitted

olives. For variety substitute the standard

green pepper and onion with a combination

of Red, Green and Yellow Peppers. Serve

with pap.

This Portuguese dish suited former Deputy President

Kgalema Motlanthe well, especially because of his then tight

schedule, as it is quick and easy to prepare. Mr Motlanthe is

also a healthy eater, and he is known to fancy the Portuguese

sardines, and always wishes that these should be prepared in

the traditional Portuguese way, and particularly likes these

served with boiled potatoes. On one of his regular visits to

the restaurant, as he was leaving having finished his usual

lunchtime meal, a big table of guests stood up to form an

impromptu “Guard of Honour” and burst into song,

singing beautifully for him, thus capping a good, albeit

unplanned lunch hour performance. Concerned by the

unexpected and somewhat invasive behaviour of my guests,

I had apologised to Mr Motlanthe for the unbecoming

behaviour of the group, which had coincidentally comprised

of women.

But, instead of being offended, Mr Motlanthe had said, with

a boyish smile: “Remember Mme Ma-Molefe, as a public figure, I

belong to the people. It is good that they are happy to see me. No

apologies needed.”

To round off our focus on fish, shell fish from neighbouring

Mozambique provides an exotic flair, and – the bigger the

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size, the more exotic and entertaining it is – which adds to

the whims of fine dining. In terms of prawn sizes, the

“Queens” and “Kings” are the average sizes, and then there

is the gigantic langoustine range.

Grilled Mozambican Prawns: Slit the back

of the prawns and devein. Spread out the

prawns and sprinkle these with your

favorite fish seasoning. Turn the prawns

and grill the meat with butter and olive oil.

While grilling, watch the fish closely for a

change of shell colour from white to pink,

which usually occurs after about 2 minutes.

Serve with rice or pap, accompanied by the

traditional sauces of beetroot, atchaar, and

tomato and onion gravy. As part of the

prep there must be a soup bowl for

discarded shells.

Lobster Mayonnaise: Remove the meat

from 1 lobster. Heat 1 cup of water to

boiling point. Add the juice from 1 lemon,

as well as salt and pepper, to taste. Also add

1 sliced onion and lobster meat. Simmer for

10 minutes. Remove the lobster meat and

keep the remaining combo warm. In the

same water, boil the lobster shell for 5

minutes. Remove and rinse under cold

running water. Place the shell on a serving

dish. Slice the lobster meat and spoon into

the shell. Mix 75ml mayonnaise with 45ml

of water and spread this on the lobster.

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Sprinkle with salt and pepper before

serving.

Breaking Bread

As part of the dining experience, bread is always offered

before starters. As you knead the dough, you pray for the

bread to be a blessing during the different meal times.

Besides being a significant Christian sacrament, breaking

bread is also a means of peace offering. The idea of taking

one’s piece of bread from the basket and passing this on,

from one person to the other, from the basket, is a dinner

ritual that we must ensure is featured in our family meals, as

well.

The family meal should bring peace among those eating

together. This can only happen if you, as the table host, pay

attention to the significance of breaking bread. Making flat

bread is good place to start.

Flat Bread – Diphaphata in Sesotho: Sift 2

cups of flour. To this, add 1 teaspoon of

yeast, and similar amounts of sugar and

herbs, as well as a pinch of salt. Adding

warm water, gradually knead the mixture

to form a soft dough. Cover the dough and

leave this to rise to double the original size.

Make small balls of dough and, on a floured

surface, flatten the small portions of the

dough to saucer-shaped and sized portions.

Bake these on a grilling pan, until these are

brown on both sides and slightly charred.

Alternatively bake on a medium fire braai

grill.

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Steamed Mealie Bread: To prepare this

type of bread, use a sharp knife to remove

mealie kernels from 6 mealie cobs, and

grind the kernels into a paste-like mixture.

Add 2 cups of flour, 2 tablespoons of

Bicarbonate of Soda and a quarter

teaspoon of salt. Mix well and knead into a

dough. Roll the dough into small balls and

place in a bowl and steam for 30 minutes.

Dumpling: Mix together 1 packet of dry

yeast, 1 tablespoon of sugar and half a cup

of warm water, and allow to stand in a

warm place, until the mixture rises. Mix 4

cups of flour (sifted), 1 teaspoon of salt, and

2 tablespoons of sugar, 1 cup of milk and 1

teaspoon of seeds and knead with yeast

paste. Let the dough rise for 1 hour. Boil the

water (not more than half of a 10-litre pot),

and place the dough in a silver dish. Glaze

with sugar water and oil. Boil on high for 1

hour.

Homemade Bread: Add the dry

ingredients; namely 4 cups of bread flour,

half a teaspoon of coarse salt, 1 packet of 10g

yeast, 2 cups of lukewarm water into a

bowl. Add water into the dry ingredients,

and mix with your hands. Lay the dough

out on a floured surface and knead for 10

minutes. Shape the dough into a ball and

place in a large bowl.

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Cover with a kitchen cloth or cling wrap

and place in a warm place for 1 hour, or

until the dough has doubled in size. Confirm

its readiness by pressing the dough, slightly;

and, if it is not springy, then it is ready.

Remove the dough from the bowl and knead

for 1 minute. Shape the dough into a flattish

rectangle on a floured surface.

Place the dough in a bread pan, and

generously smear this with butter, then

cover the dough with cling film and allow

this to rise for another 1 hour, or until it has

doubled in size.

Sprinkle a bit of flour on top and bake the

dough for 15 minutes, then turn the oven

down and bake for a further 30 minutes.

To test whether the bread is done, slip it out

of the pan, knock the bottom of the loaf and,

if it sounds hollow, then it is done.

Remove from the pan to cool.

Maize Meal Dumplings – Leqebelekwane in

Sesotho: For this kind of bread, you will

need normal yeast paste, 1 packet of yeast,

2 tablespoons of sugar, a pinch of salt, and

2 tablespoons of flour. Mix this fusion with

half a cup warm water. Let this stand in a

sunny or warm place, until it rises.

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In another dish, make a paste of 1 cup of

maize meal with half a cup of warm water

and let it cool. Mix this with 4 cups of cake

flour, 1 teaspoon of mixed seeds (sesame,

poppy, linseed) and add the yeast paste.

The dough must then be placed in a warm

place for about 1 hour to rise, and should

then kneaded before being placed in a dish

to fit in the steaming pot.

The making of dumplings or the different

types of bread is a process that is essentially

hands-on and personal, so in terms of the

dough texture, my advice is for the makers

to rely on their instincts, as well.

You want the dough soft and stretchy, but

not sticky, and most certainly, not as hard

as a rock! So, for the best results, the

dumplings must be left for a full hour before

opening the lid.

The other two interesting types of homemade bread are

Dofhi and Vhuswa.

Dofhi is a paste that is used in most African

dishes in the same way that cream is used

in Western dishes. When preparing Dofhi;

on the side, add half a cup of ground nuts,

which should be mixed with 1 cup of water

and left to simmer for 15 minutes, until

creamy.

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Vhuswa – which is a staple of the

VhaVenda and Bapedi people in South

Africa – is a soft smooth pap that is

prepared in the same way as that of Mihlo,

the Portuguese version of Pap. Cooked with

smooth maize meal, Vhuswa is packed in

layers like pancake layers. For variety, add

Cassava powder to the maize meal paste.

Kalembula – Sweet Potato Leaves: A

favorite Zambian dish (the variation is

called Mbyori) To prepare; cook 3 chopped

tomatoes, until these are soft and add sweet

potato leaves and cook for a further 10

minutes, then season with salt and pepper.

Add ground peanut sauce for the Mbyori

variation.

Roti: Mix 3 cups of flour with 1 teaspoon of

salt in a bowl. Rub in 3 tablespoons of oil

into the mixture to form crumbs. Add

water to form a soft dough. Roll the dough

on a floured surface to the size of a dinner

plate. Spread the dough with softened

butter and roll up like Swiss roll. Cover the

Swiss roll-like dough and rest for 30

minutes. Break off the dough into small

balls. Roll out each ball to into the size of a

side plate. Fry each side in hot oil for 2

minutes.

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Boboti: Ingredients: 1 slice white bread, 250

ml milk, 1kg lean minced beef or mutton, 125

ml seedless raisins, 125 ml of blanched

almonds; 15 ml apricot jam, 15 ml chutney,

25 ml lemon juice; 5 ml mixed herbs, 10ml

curry powder, 5ml turmeric, 10ml salt, 10ml

sunflower, 3 large eggs, 4 bay or lemon

leaves. Method: Soak bread in milk and

squeeze dry. Reserve the milk.

Mix the bread with the minced beef. Mix in

the all ingredients, excluding the milk, the

oil, eggs and bay leaves. Heat the oil in a

frying pan and brown the meat mixture

lightly. Turn this out into a casserole. Beat

the eggs with the remaining milk and pour

over the meat. Garnish the top of the

mixture with bay leaves. Bake until set.

Samp and Beans – Umxushu in isiXhosa .To

prepare, soak 2 cups of Samp and 1 cup of

sugar beans and leave overnight.

To make this creamy and bally, add 250ml

of water and boil for 3 – 4 hours. Season

with salt and pepper and add 1 tablespoon

oil.

Crab Curry: A traditional Mozambican

recipe is followed for a classic stew of crabs,

which is rounded off in a lightly curried

coconut milk base with tomatoes and onion.

To prepare the Crab Curry, heat oil in a

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pan, add the onion, then fry gently for

about 6 minutes, or until golden brown.

Add crab meat, tomato, chilli powder,

garlic and curry powder. Stir to combine,

then bring to a simmer and cook for 5

minutes, before stirring in the coconut

milk. Stir constantly to prevent curdling.

Serve with Basmati rice.

Crab-eating Tutorial

Crabs are delicious to eat but these can be messy and, for

many first-timers, crabs can be a puzzle to eat, not to

mention, frustrating.

The potential mess requires the preparation process to be

elaborate. And this involves preparing the guest for

protection against any possible splashes. Therefore, the use

of a smock is a necessity, as well as a crab mallet or

hammer, dull knife and a claw cracker.

First, you need to pull off all the legs and claws with a

twisting motion. You can use a dull knife, which should be

inserted into the joints, to make the removal easier.

Sometimes, a little meat will come out with the leg; don’t

be shy, eat it! You can toss the legs (fins), but you should

save the claws.

Turn the crab over on its back, open the apron, which

looks like a flap, and take the top half and the bottom half

in each hand, then pull off the top shell; all along taking

great care and doing all this slowly. Afterwards, you can

toss the top shell.

By now, it means that you would have cleaned out the crab

and removed the gills to show the shell. At this time, you

can take the bottom half and break it in half. Now, take one

of the halves and, with a knife (or your hands), cut this in

half. If you are using your hands, press down to break the

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chambers and then pull these apart. By now, you should

have the meat exposed. Use your fingers to extract the meat

and enjoy.

Use your knife to pull the meat out of the smaller chambers.

Pick away all the chunks of meat in the body. Start with the

claws. Crack the claws by using the hinged cracker, hitting

these with the crab mallet, or using your knife. For the most

efficient way to open a claw, lay down the sharp side of your

knife on the middle of the red side of the claw.

Then you should use the crab mallet to gently hit the knife,

until the knife is halfway through the claw. Finally, pivot the

knife to the side. That will open the claw and make it easier

to reach the meat. You can then snap the shell open and eat

the meat, avoiding the cartilage. Quite a performance.

An Anecdote

Portuguese dining is often full of drama. To illustrate this,

one related event comes to mind. The menu was a delightful

Portuguese one that has blended with Indian cuisine. On

offer was an option of curry, prepared either in a typical

Portuguese style or Indian style.

This particular patron had ordered Mozambican curry. This

was a regular patron we had inherited from the previous

owners of the restaurant. Once a month, without fail, he

comes for his dose of crab curry, washes it down with a

good bottle of Chardonnay and finishes off with a Crème

Brule. Always by himself.

On this occasion, halfway through the meal, we are

summoned to his table. It was with regards to the portion

size of the crab curry, it seemed to be small. He was basing

this on the fact that he did not feel full. The man says he

usually feels satisfied after his pot of crab curry, but not this

time! After a series of questions, to establish if he was

possibly more hungry than usual, he says, adamantly, “No,

the portion was too small.”

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We kept the bones and shells safe at the scullery, as possible

evidence in case such a scenario were to arise, so as to

simplify things. Thanks to the efficient record-keeping in

the office, my husband could show him the delivery copies

from the supplier, proving that the portion sizes had not

been altered in any way. Safe to say that, ultimately, we were

able to convince the customer that the portion sizes were

consistent.

Finally, after a scenario that had seemed to have taken a

whole dinner sitting, there was peace in the restaurant.

Happy and satisfied (telling himself that it might be the

waiter’s fault) at last a new arrangement was established.

The patron would now order two portions to fully satisfy

his huge appetite for his favourite crab curry. The guest

continued to patronize the restaurant with the insistence of

being served by nobody else but my husband.

Yet another Anecdote

Then, there was Mike, a fine diner and a whisky

connoisseur. His whisky was served with the bottles fully

displayed on the table, giving his guests full access to their

favorite malt. In short, he bought his tots by the bottle. He

also enjoyed the interactive dining that we offered, including

the service package that accompanied our signature dishes,

particularly the traditional ritual of washing of hands before

the meal. As well as my husband’s pleasant and efficient

hosting skills. As I am busy with some admin in the office,

my husband summons me to Mike’s table.

“Come, Mike wants to talk to us, and he insists you must be

there.” I stop myself from asking if it is the Mozambican

crab curry query, once again, and I follow him. “I have been

coming to your restaurant for a while, and am very

impressed with the quality of food and service, more

importantly I admire the way you work together as a

couple.” Mike announces.

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“So I would like you to host a CD launch for a client of

mine,” Mike adds, introducing the subject, before

elaborating on the brief. “It must be an intimate,

spectacular event with an exotic menu. My clients should

not have to ask for drinks. The drinks must be on the table,

in the same way as I dine. Each table should have a bottle

of premium whisky, red and white wine, bottled water and

juice,” he says, wrapping up the brief.

The launch menu consisted of three platters per table,

namely: Shell Fish Platter of lobster, prawns and line fish,

served with chips and rice; Meat Platter of beef riblets,

boerewors and “Buffalo Wings”, served with chips, and a

Traditional Platter of Mogodu, chicken giblets and livers,

served with dumpling. The event was for the then unknown

Ntando’s first CD under the TK Records stable, a group of

young, budding entrepreneurs. The programme director

was the late Vuyo Mbuli. The Three Tenors opened the

floor over appetisers. It turned out to be one of the most

brilliant fusion of food and music that we had ever put

together.

One party breeds another, which is how the industry works.

It was not surprising therefore that by the Monday

following the CD launch, we already had a booking. Mrs.

Moodley, the patron who was planning a party, had walked

in with a clear plan in her mind. And she had said, “My

husband is turning 40 and I want the same menu as the one

you had served on Saturday.” Of course, it could not be the

exact menu as it would be absurd to do a corporate menu

for a private party. With some convincing, she agrees on a

slightly toned down platter menu; and so began the themed

festival of platters, the most popular being the traditional

platter.

Regarding carbohydrates, Pap (maize meal porridge) is the

main ingredient on the menu list for most South Africans.

It is also our staple food, but not indigenous, as has already

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been mentioned. Pap adopts different names as it spreads

across the African continent.

If it is smooth and soft, it is served for breakfast. If it is thick in

its consistency, then it is suitable for stews in bigger meals,

like lunches and dinners. When it is dry and crumbly, then it is

known as Phutu in the Nguni languages and south Sotho,

and is mostly eaten with sour milk. Pap, in its thicker

version, is traditionally served with Seshabo (a traditional

relish made of tomato and onions as basic ingredients). Pap

also stands alongside rice, pasta or couscous, the equivalent

of mealie rice. Couscous is a staple food that we share with

most African and some European countries like Portugal.

Interestingly, in Malawi pap is called Nsima, Ugali in Kenya,

and Sadza in Zimbabwe. The texture preference is

influenced by the regions which we come from. In South

Africa’s northern parts, Pap is so soft that it must be allowed

to form first before serving. On the other hand, Basotho

people like their Pap stiff.

Pap is best prepared in its authentic recipe, which is boiled

water and salt with a very smooth texture. It is the base of

our South African palate, often complemented by rich

sauces. If one wants to experiment with the recipe of pap, it

must be to the extent of improving the taste, not the texture,

core ingredients or the colour.

Pap: Boil 500 ml water, and add salt. Make

a paste of 2 cups mealie meal with cold

water. Lower the heat and, while stirring

with a whisk, slowly add the paste, which

should be loose and drip off the beater.

Simmer for 10 minutes, stirring

intermittently, using a wooden spoon. For

variety, you may add sweet corn or replace

water with milk. Portion with a chef’s

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spoon or saucer and cover with cling wrap.

Leave the crust in the pot to dry, and eat

over breakfast or over lunch with tomato

and onion sauce.

Fufu on the other hand is boiled cassava

pounded to a pulp, puréed and formed or

moulded into balls.

Pap Tartlets: Cook pap the usual way. Add

rice powder, herbs, butter and olive oil and

some salt. Cut the soft pap into tartlets,

deep fry and serve.

Phutu: Boil 1 cup water in a pot and add

olive oil, butter and salt. Once boiled, lower

the heat, and slowly add 2 cups of mealie

meal, using a fork to stir. Allow areas of the

mealie meal to dry, and be careful not to

add water, as the steam will soften it.

Allow to simmer on low heat for 15 minutes,

stirring intermittently. This may be served

in place of couscous, with stews, but this is

traditionally eaten with fermented (Sour)

milk, a favorite past time meal for lazy

cooking days.

An ideal vegetarian meal, Phutu can also be used as holding

crust for beef pie casserole.

For yet another Phutu variety, cool Phutu

on the side, and add tomato and onion

gravy and grated cheese or pre-cooked

butter beans. Serve with vegetables.

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Couscous: This is a staple food in Algeria,

Tunisia and Morocco. It is a coarsely

grounded semolina that is moistened and

rolled out in flour. To prepare, pour 4

tablespoons of butter into 2 cups of couscous

and pour a cup of boiling water and leave

for 10 minutes. Separate the grains with a

fork and place in a colander (uncovered)

over a pot of boiling water for 10 minutes.

Cassava – Mandioca :Like sweet potato,

Cassava is a tropical vegetable that has

brown skin with a starchy flesh. This can be

used in place of potatoes and is often

ground to make cassava flour or Gari

which may be used as Phutu to make a

variety of Pap. Cassava may be added to

maize meal to give it a smooth texture.

DESSERT

Early in the 60’ and 70’s, Soweto was a green city, with lots

of trees, and almost every next house had a fruit tree of

some sort or the other, but most of the homes boosted

peach trees. The harvested peaches were cooked and

preserved in sugar syrup, and my mother was an expert in

this. In addition to peaches in syrup, traditional dessert is

every granny’s treat, especially when accompanied by

custard and jelly, as well as a good flow of Gemere, ginger

beer. Gemere is a traditional ginger drink which is served with

traditional scones that are known as the Potchefstrooms. As

has already been mentioned in a related recipe, the method

of mixing traditional scones is different from the usual jam

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and butter scones, giving them a pliable easy-to-mould

consistency.

For an added crunchiness, the last quarter portion of the

sugar is added at the end of the mixing process; that is, just

before cutting.

For the Syrup: Boil one and a half litres of

water on high heat and add 1kg of sugar,

stirring continuously until sugar is

dissolved.

Handling the Bottled Peaches: Select 20

healthy medium sized peaches. Wash and

peel the peaches and cut each of these into

halves. Immerse the peach halves in a

boiling pot for 2 minutes, and then transfer

the halves into a bowl of cold water.

The Bottle Prep: Wash several bottling jars,

together with their lids, and fill these with

boiled water for 10 – 15 minutes to sterilise

the jars. Place the peaches in the bottles,

ensuring that there is a tight vacuum, and

pour the syrup from the pot on top of each

layer. Leave a small space at the top, seal

the bottle tightly and allow both the

container and its contents to cool. Serve the

canned peaches with custard.

Homemade Custard: Beat 2 eggs, 1 egg yolk,

and 30ml of corn starch, 30ml of sugar and

1ml of salt; and combine all of these

ingredients into one finely ground mixture.

Heat 250ml of cream in a pot and add to

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the egg mixture. Mix thoroughly and pour

back into the pot and heat gradually, while

stirring with a wooden spoon. Once cooked,

the custard should coat the back of a metal

spoon. Add 2ml of vanilla essence for

flavour and sprinkle sugar over the surface

to prevent top skin from forming.

Maize-Meal Custard with Chocolate Sauce:

Heat 2 cups of cream, 2 teaspoons of

cinnamon, half a cup of cup sugar and half

a teaspoon of vanilla essence together. Mix

one and a half cups of maize-meal with 1

cup of milk and add to a sizeable amount of

warm cream in a container. Stir the

mixture gently, until thick. Serve with

prunes and chocolate cream sauce.

Jazzed Up Custard and Jelly: To whip up

this old time childhood Sunday treat, you

will need a mixture of crumbled biscuits,

coconut and a cinnamon, which should be

sprinkled on top of a layers of custard and

jelly. Then there should also be a dash of

cream, mixed with a tot of Old Brown

Sherry on the side. Custard and Jelly

always evokes deep, unexpected emotions

from guests, as they are suddenly reminded

of their mothers and grannies. In the

absence of custard and jelly, dessert is

traditional Gemere, Ginger Beer, and

scones.

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Hot Ice Cream Chocolate Ganache: Ganache

is a somewhat intimidating, albeit polite,

harmless word, which means chocolate

melted in cream. Method: For the Ganache,

you will need 2 table spoons of chocolate,

which should be chopped into small pieces; 1

cup of heavy cream, 3 tablespoons of whisky

(optional). As a part of a simple recipe, you

accordingly chop the chocolate and put this

into a heatproof bowl. Heat the cream until

it reaches a simmering point, and pour it

over the chocolate. Let this stand for 1

minute and then stir, until smooth. Add

the butter and whiskey and stir until

combined. Serve with ice cream.

Dessert is served, or maybe not...

It was a corporate table of sixty guests. The company was

celebrating their annual Christmas party. The client, one of

our regular guests, had booked off the whole restaurant for

only sixty people, but were opting for a full bouquet package

for hundred and forty people. This was to ensure that her

table was adequately hosted.

All our ducks were in a row. The menu featured our

personal favourites. It always works to your advantage when

you like the guest’s choice. Dessert was my all-time

favourite, ice cream Chocolate Ganache. With such an easy

dessert, nothing could go wrong; or so, I had thought to

myself.

As the entrée was cleared, the plates came back, and had all

been wiped clean, except for baby chicken bones, shells

from the prawn dishes and rump steak plates shining. Just

then, the host called out for dessert. Like a good soldier on

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attention, I picked up my husband’s signal and, with

extreme confidence, I had charged to the kitchen, to

accordingly alert the chef. As I had entered the kitchen, I

met the chef without his jacket on, and it had looked like he

was leaving. Concerned, I had followed him, and –

confirming my suspicions, as he was storming out – he had

said: “I am leaving, I will see you on Monday.”

But, this was no time for any further discussions, as the table

was waiting; so I rushed back to the kitchen. On the kitchen

floor was the kitchen assistant. “I am tired, Mama,” she had

announced, exasperated, and had then sprawled out,

prostrate, on the floor.

For a moment, my mind was riddled with questions:

“Why would this happen, when the table was going so

well?”

“What do I say to the guest?”

And, “What about the other kitchen staff?”

Oh no! They are out, on lunch! As always, whenever things

go awry, I got to my little corner – to have that desperate

sincere talk – a despairing one-on-one. Within a few

seconds, I had managed to gather some strength, and to

wear my thinking cap, and came up with a strategy.

I broke down the sixty guests into table sittings of three

tables of thirty, twenty and ten people. I had then set the

decorative serving dishes in accordance with the differently

sized table sittings.

One table at a time, I had streamlined the ingredients for

the corresponding platings; and, as each waiter and waitress

had fetched the desserts, they had finished off the matching

garnish for me, as well. Instead of a mess, what a well-oiled

conveyor belt this had turned out to be. Later, in the

passage, I overheard the host talking to my husband and

daughter Mothei, applauding them for a job well done.

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Dessert is indeed served! Sadly, such unforeseen incidences

are a common disease in the kitchen restaurant.

On a certain day, amid an intense labour conflict, a company

director went to his office, sat down and said to himself, “I

am not running this business well and I don’t know what to

do. I guess I can either get drunk or pray.”

He had then thought a little longer and had then reflected,

quietly, “Nothing will probably change if I pray. But if I get drunk,

nothing will change either, and I’ll have a hangover. If I pray and

nothing comes of it, I can always get drunk later.”

With this strange logic and tiny seed of faith, he knelt and

prayed. This truism is inspired by Trevor Hudson’s Journey

of The Spirit – Showing Love in The Market Place.

As with this company director, prayer for me had become a

desperate cry for help, and it was not just a theological or

doctrinal undertaking. On that day, when all else had

seemed to have gone wrong, I had prayed because I was

drowning and I had nothing, or had known nothing else to

reach out to. Unlike the company director, I did not have a

private office, so – many a time – the toilet became a safe

spot for me to cry out to God; my sanctuary, so to speak.

I had reached a point of understanding the power of the

Lord’s Prayer and had prayed the prayer, not in the way that

it has been misconstrued, and had come to be taken for

granted; because, generally, people assume that if they say

and recite the words of the Lord’s Prayer, then they are

praying.

I had learned to pray the words with a deep appreciation

that God is my Father, and that, indeed, He is going to

rescue me. Not because I am good, but just like all the main

characters in the history of the Bible, God’s acceptance of

me with all of my shortcomings and miscalculations; and the

Almighty continuing to forgive me, despite my having

messed up my life in various ways.

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And I did not need to put up a façade any longer, but just

had to bring the rawness of my life to Him, with the Lord’s

prayer as an assemblage of pointers to what I have come to

hold onto, for dear life, as every aspect of my life came

crumbling down: “Give us this day, our daily bread…”

The restaurant was a basic need for our sustenance, and I

pleaded to Him to give me inner strength and peace of

mind, to equip and empower me, to keep the business going

amid the craziness of my personal life. But there also

seemed to be conditions for this provision. Somehow in my

conversations – in the sanctuary – the word, “forgiveness”,

kept on sneaking up on me. It was loud and clear; I had to

ask for forgiveness, first and (then, to) forgive others.

I kept asking myself with a tantrum, throwing my toys out

the window: “How was this related to the chef walking out

on a table, when he was supposed to have been on duty;

serving?” The chef incident was one of many troubles,

regarding the business in general; but was the tip of the

iceberg. For one to be free from resentment, anger and all

other sorts of poisonous emotions, I had to tackle the issue

of forgiveness, head-on.

The most challenging part was that of me acknowledging

my part in the breakdown of all my dealings. As I

acknowledged my faults, I found myself being able to relate

better with everyone, including those causing me harm.

Searching further, I had also realised that – throughout

history – God had been using the mundane things of life to

point human beings to their spiritual well-being.

For me, it was the restaurant business and all that had come

with the related occupation and the industry. The experts

keep telling us that our physical wellbeing is influenced, to

a large extent, by our spiritual form. All the troubles of my

personal life and the fluctuations of my business had then

pointed me to a point where it was sore.

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And it had nothing to do with my husband or my

employees. As I had begun to work on the stings, lesions

and blisters of my life, all the affected areas of my life took

a different form, shape and colour; and there was a definite,

positive transformation.

And, as had become a new norm, prayer became a lifestyle;

and, likewise, order had then become the epitome of my

existence. Then my previously disorderly life became

orderly!

THE MAIN INGREDIENT – TSHISA-NYAMA

Regarding steak, the question is, medium or medium rare?

Of course, as most chefs would assert, it is medium rare!

Traditionally however, “medium” is certainly acceptable.

But why the fuss? The fact is that, the longer you cook a

steak, the tougher and drier it gets.

Medium Rare Steak Colours: Usually, the outside is greybrown,

and the middle is pink, with a tinge of red in the center.

Cooking time is 3 minutes on each side, basting on both

sides, in-between; a total of 6 minutes. Resting time is 7

minutes, to retain the juices.

Medium steak colours: On the other hand, for a medium

steak, the colour is a rich brown color on the sides, with the

top and bottom being charred, darkly, but not being black,

with a middle that is a pale pink. Cooking time is 4 minutes

on each side. This should take a total of 8 minutes; and,

should this cook longer, there would not be any juices

available, at all. If you have two orders running at the same

time, you should ideally start with the medium steak.

Or the Rare Option: For those who prefer rare steak there

is Beef Carpaccio.

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Beef Carpaccio: For this, you will need 100g

raw beef, Pecorino cheese and Cape dried

vinaigrette. For Cape dried fruit

vinaigrette, you need 100g of Cape dried

fruit (finely chopped), 100ml of wine

vinegar, 150ml of olive oil, 20g of sun-dried

tomato (finely chopped), and 10g of fresh

basil. Mix all these ingredients and add salt

and coarse black pepper.

Regarding various meat cuts, the secret of a good steak is in

the cut, maturation, basting and the marinade. So, having a

good butcher is critical. Butchering techniques differ

according to regional and cultural traditions, and from

country to country.

So, it is always advisable to talk to your butcher when buying

different types of meat. The upper cuts are the best parts of

a carcass. Further from the horns and hoofs, the muscles

are not used a lot and are therefore tender. These are prime

cuts that are good for quick cooking methods – like grilling

and panfrying, and tend to be most expensive – starting on

the upper back and moving down to the mid-back:

The Ribs contain cuts such as the Rib Roast, the Rib-Eye

steak and the Back Ribs – and this is the least tender section

of the three different cuts, but by far the most flavourful.

The Loin is the most expensive cut of beef. The loin is

tender and can be cooked quickly, without this toughening,

in any way. This is because the loin is not a heavily used

muscle and does not contain much connective tissue. The

Short Loin cut on a carcass produces cuts including the T-

Bone, top Loin Steak, Tenderloin and the Portuguese Steak. The

most popular steak among South Africans is the T-bone steak,

which is ideal for a braai (Barbeque).

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The Sirloin provides the Sirloin Steak, as well as other steak

types, like the Chuck, Round and Flank steak. Of these, the

Round and Flank steak tend to be tough cuts of meat. These

come from the shoulder and are highly used muscles, with

lots of connective tissue.

Veal comes from young calves, so it is tender, lean and of

course, the most expensive. Marinade is an essential

dressing to ensure that your meat does not dry up in the

open flame. Basting, on the other hand, is used to keep meat

moist during the cooking process, and to apply or enhance

flavour. There are three types of marinade: moist, dry and

paste:

Moist Marinades: The basic constituents are acid wine,

fruit juice or yoghurt to soften the meat, aromatics for flavor

and sunflower oil for moisture.

Dry Marinades: These are mainly used for flavouring; so

these are best used on fattier pieces of meat, oily fish or for

braised dishes. The mixture is rubbed into the food before

cooking. For variety, grated citrus peel may be added.

Marinating red meat must be done with caution. Unless

stored in a properly sealed bag, it should not be marinated

for long periods.

Chicken, however, is best marinated longer, ideally for up

to forty eight hours. Beef is at its best quality when it is aged,

and usually comes from animals aged between eighteen

months to two years. The process of ageing breaks down

the enzymes in the beef, thus naturally making the meat

tender, and thus giving it a ‘beefier’ flavour. There are two

kinds of ageing, wet and dry.

Wet ageing is the type most butchers carry out, lately. This

is the process that occurs when the beef is placed in a

vacuum-sealed plastic bag and allowed to age in its own

juices. Wet aging takes less time than dry-ageing, generally,

lasting around seven days.

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Well matured beef goes to a slightly brown shade, darker than

deep red. On the other hand, beef that has not been

matured properly has a bright red color, which is often

mistaken for quality!

Salt and black pepper is the seasoning of choice, and is

usually featured in most of the common African recipes;

and these are followed by garlic cloves, coriander, cumin,

bicarbonate of soda and turmeric. In addition to the

national leaves of Morogo and peppers, most dishes feature

Okra, beans, sweet potatoes and pumpkin. Nuts, peanut

butter, peanuts, palm and Sesame Oils are also among the

most commonly used ingredients.

Meat Marinade: Mix together black

pepper, paprika, salt, bay leaves, vinegar,

red wine and olive oil (the mixture may be

stored for long periods). Allow the meat to

marinate overnight. Paint the meat with

the basting before and during the braaing

process, and this should be done, ideally, on

low heat. Be careful not to turn your

braaied meat into biltong! Always serve

with Chakalaka, beetroot and Atchaar and,

of course, plain simple Pap.

Spicy Yoghurt Marinade: Combine 1 cup of

plain yoghurt, 2 crushed garlic cloves, and

2.5ml each of ground cumin, cinnamon and

crushed black peppercorn, a pinch each of

ground ginger, ground cloves, cayenne

pepper and salt. Use this marinade type for

chicken, lamb and fish.

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Coconut and Pineapple Marinade: Blend

peeled, chopped pineapple, juice of half of

lime and three quarters of a cup of coconut

milk in a food processor. Use this marinade

type for chicken and pork.

TRADITIONAL SAUCES

Below are regular South African traditional sauces. The

flavours of these three sauces make a good accompaniment

for a Tshisanyama menu.

Tomato and Onion Gravy: Fry 2 chopped

onions, preferably with olive oil or palm oil;

add 1 bunch of spring onion, 2 tablespoons

of paprika, 1 teaspoon of salt and 1

tablespoon each of crushed garlic and

ginger. Add 6 chopped tomatoes (or sweet

tomatoes), basil, 1 tablespoon of Worcester

sauce and a pinch of sugar. To achieve a

palatable texture, fry the spice with onion

first, before adding the tomatoes. Never

add water.

Beetroot Sauce: Beetroot, cooked and finely

grated, green pepper and finely-chopped

onions. Add sugar, vinegar, Worcester

sauce, olive oil, chopped canned apricots,

grated orange peel and chilli. Add white

pepper.

Atchaar: This is a Cape dish that we have

inherited from Malaysia and is featured in

a lot of meals.

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TABLE TALKER

South Africa is the ninth largest wine producer in the world,

eighty four percent (84%) of which is produced by

cooperatives. Approximately 314 million litres of wine is

exported to the international market per annum. Therefore,

wines form an integral part of our culinary heritage. In the

same way as with many other traditional drinks, wines

deserve to be celebrated accordingly.

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Three

A Glass Of Something

Traditional Bubblies

Beers And Wines

Why do guests taste wine before being served? The guest does

not taste wine to decide whether they like it or not. Instead,

they do this to make sure that the wine is not corked; that it

is not contaminated with cork taint. This is not simply the

taste of a cork; but, rather, it is ascertaining the presence of

the particular smell and taste that somehow resembles a

damp, soggy, wet or rotten cardboard. Oftentimes, such a

whiff causes the wine to taste as if it is off. And this happens

to both red and white wine.

D

RINKING SPOTS

Shebeens, sometimes referred to as Spotong in

the townships, were promulgated by Apartheid

South Africa’s Liquor Act of 1927, which

prohibited indigenous Africans from selling alcohol or

entering licensed premises.

The Land Act of 1927, on the other hand, left the

population black without a source of income, often with

dire economic effects on countless families. Black people

were also forced to move to the urban areas to seek wagepaying

jobs.

African women struggled to find employment and did not

have to carry identity documents (then also known as

passes) until the nineteen fifties. They were shunned by

employers, most of whom had insisted on employees they

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could control, and – as a result – the women struggled to

find work in the formal sector. So, to earn an income, many

women developed skills as astute beer brewers.

Rural Africa has a historic tradition of beer brewing.

Customarily, it is the women who were tasked with this

chore. My late mother in law was among these special

women. These intrepid women, who came to be called

“Shebeen Queens”, made and sold beer to migrant workers

who could not afford to buy the Western types of beer, or

who still preferred their favourite traditional African beers.

My elder sister, Monki, was a neighbour to the iconic

“Shebeen King”, Peggy “Belair” Senne. The late Senne and

his wife, Kukie, were among the first few township residents

to own a license for owning a tavern in the townships in the

nineteen eighties.

The family business, which is located at house number 2475

in Rockville, Soweto, was established in the nineteen sixties,

and is now run by their son, Tonny Senne. Unsurprisingly,

the Senne family is mentioned in the same breath of

reverence as are fellow iconic taverners and Soweto

Taverners Association pioneers like Godfrey “Louis Luyt”

Moloi, Lucky Michaels and Ray Mollison.

“My father’s father started the shebeen business in Sophiatown in the

nineteen fifties, which he continued after the family was forcefully

relocated to Soweto; and I am now continuing the legacy,” says Tony

Senne, about his late flamboyant father, who got the

“Belair” nickname after he became the first Soweto resident

to own a Chevy Bel-Air sedan in the nineteen fifties.

Shebeens were township bars and taverns; places where

mostly working class urban males could unwind, socialise

and escape the oppression of life in a segregated society.

Despite their illegal status, these places played a unifying

role in the communities, providing a sense of identity and

belonging; and this was where patrons could express

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themselves, culturally and they could also meet and discuss

political and social issues, as well.

Oftentimes, the police arrested both the patrons and owners

for various valid and mostly trumped-up charges. As the

shebeens had evolved, with time, and had become

permanent features of the townships’ social scene, these

establishments competed to attract guests by offering live

music, dancing and food.

After the democratic elections of nineteen ninety four, most

of the shebeens have become legal and are now increasingly

sophisticated, and are catering to a younger, trendier

generation of black and white patrons and tourists. A visit

to a modern shebeen can be a fun and engrossing

experience.

Many of these establishments are saturated with history; be

it with old Sophiatown photographs on the walls, the style

of music played (mainly jazz) or the serving of traditional

township dishes. But you will also find modern comforts

like big screen television sets, digital jukeboxes, impressive

collections of single-malt whiskies, and an international

selection of beers. Some even have adjacent art or

photographic galleries.

AFRICAN JAZZ CAFÉ

The laid-back, attitude-free atmosphere of modern

township shebeens is so popular among locals and visitors,

alike, that many urban restaurateurs are copying their guestfriendly

formulae and setting up shebeen style nightclubs

and eateries in the trendiest suburbs, business hubs and city

centres.

The African Jazz Café in Grayston Drive, Sandton was one

such establishment. Diners were attracted to the restaurant

because of the well-priced menu, a unique variety of meals,

which catered for all tastes and age groups, as well as a

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reputation for good service, excellent cuisine and most of

all, the best live entertainment.

Also, the bar was well positioned; right at the back of the

restaurant, providing an intimate atmosphere, away from

the hustle and bustle of the front-of-the-house. The fullservice

bar in the restaurant was strictly off limits to staff,

except for the bartender. It was a gathering place for a quick

meeting, or where the diners could relax while waiting for

their meals. This entailed a variety of non-alcoholic and

alcoholic drinks, including some Kenyan tea and homebrewed

traditional ginger beer, known in township lingua

franca as Gemere.

TRADITIONAL DRINKS

Gemere is a traditional, non-alcoholic South African

homemade drink. Ginger is an ancient herb used for

medicinal and cooking purposes. It essentially prevents

indigestion by breaking down proteins.

Gemere is popular at social gatherings, and – when it is

jazzed up with orange, lemon or pineapple – it makes a

refreshing summer drink. It is another one of those recipes

which have been handed-down the generations, and is easy

to make.

However, each Gemere or Ginger Beer brewer – the same

as those who whip up a supposedly inimitable brand of

Umqombothi, traditional sorghum beer – tends to think

that theirs is the best recipe. I have seen people getting

emotional as they get pedantic on non-existent differences

on how to make proper Umqombothi or Gemere.

There are two ways of making Gemere. One is by first

boiling 20 litres of water, adding ingredients as below,

stirring and then allowing the mixture to brew over 48

hours. My mother’s special recipe, and the one I would

always readily recommend, is shown below.

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Gemere – Traditional Ginger Beer: Boil 5 liters

water. In a bowl with cold water, prepare a

paste of 2 packets of Ginger powder (50g each),

2 packets of Tartaric Acid, and 2 packets of

Cream of Tartar (25mg each). Add the paste to

the boiling water, and stir, until this becomes

smooth. Add 2kg of brown sugar and stir. Boil

for 45 minutes, then reduce the heat. Remove

from the stove, add ice cubes and allow the beer

to cool. Dilute with cold water in a 20litre

bucket and add 2 sliced oranges. Serve cold.

Umqombothi: Combine 1 kg of mealie meal and

1kg of Mthombo Mbila (corn malt) in a 25litre

drum. Add 4 litres of boiling water and mix

well, to form a paste, and leave to cool. Add 1kg

of Mabele-Mthombo (sorghum malt), then cover

and leave overnight.

When fermentation has taken place, leave 2

cups on the side, and add the fermented mixture

to 2 litres of boiling water and cook to a

porridge-like consistency. Leave to cool, then

pour the mixture into the drum and add the 2

cups of the fermented portion (which had been

set aside, earlier). Set aside the remaining 3kg of

Mabele-Mthombo (sorghum malt). Stir and

leave overnight. Sieve with a strainer and

serve with a dash of ice cream for the

unfamiliar palate.

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Pineapple Beer: Wash 4 unpeeled pineapples

under running water and chop these into small

chunks. Add the pineapple chunks into a bucket

of 10 litres water, 4 pineapples, 500g of sugar, 1

packet of instant yeast and mix well, until the

sugar and yeast have dissolved. Cover with a lid

and leave for 3 days to ferment. Once

fermented, sieve with a strainer and bottle in

sterilised containers.

Watermelon Beer: Cut 1 watermelon into four

pieces and scoop out the fruit. Place the scooped

out watermelon fruit in a container and leave

in a warm area, to ferment. Once fermented,

strain through a strainer. Place the beer back

into the sealed container and leave it to mature.

Baobab Fruit Yoghurt: Thoroughly wash 10

Baobab Fruits under running water. In a large

bowl, mix the fruit with 1litre of milk. Stir the

mixture to release the flesh from the pits.

Remove the pits and serve as dessert, with

stewed peaches. These can be sourced at the

Bryanston Organic Market.

Morula Fruit Brew: Wash 6 kg of Morula fruit

and remove the skin. Place the fruit into a large

container and add 12 litres water to cover the

fruit. Stomp and squash the fruit to squeeze the

juice and flesh off the Morula pips. The mixture

thickens as the stomping and squashing

progresses, and as the juice and flesh are fused

into the liquid.

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Remove the pips, and leave covered for 2 days,

to ferment. Add 500g of sugar and stir, to

dissolve. These can also be sourced at the

Bryanston Organic Market.

Wild Medlar Fruit Brew: Wash 3 kg of Wild

Veld Medlar Fruit under running water. Mix 5

litres milk with the fruit and stomp the fruit to

thicken; and then serve, later, as dessert.

FOOD AND WINE PAIRING

WINE IN SIMPLE TERMS

As has been mentioned, earlier, South Africa is the ninth

largest wine producer in the world, 84% of which is

produced by cooperatives. Approximately 314 million litres

of wine is exported to the international market per annum.

Despite the pomp and spectacle with which wine is served,

like the misconception regarding High Tea, wine is – in

contrast – a drink of peasants.

History actually describes wine as a magic portion for ills, and as a

means of celebration. Good wine goes well with good food. In

fact, there are no rules about food and wine, only inane

nuances, tones and hints which people tend to make up.

Wine, in simple terms, is defined in two ways:

1. The type of grapes they are made of, and these are namely

the red, rosé or white grapes.

2. The production technique (referred to as design) which is

used to manufacture, ferment and blend the wine.

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1. Wines which are defined by the types of Grapes

1.1 – Classic White Selection:

WHITE

CHARDONNAY

Chardonnay is a dry white wine which is used in a wide

range of wine designs. It is a grape that is easy to grow,

leading to a wine whose character is reliant on wood. The

wood gives it its polished golden colour and a creamy

marmalade flavour, complete with a smoky aroma.

This wine is best paired with Maize and

Bean Soup, Masonja, Banana and Bean

Salad, Skaap Skop (Sheep Head), Beef

Carpaccio, Butternut Soup, Chakalaka

Salad with Couscous, Curried Chicken Salad

and Haloumi Cheese.

CHENIN BLANC

One of the major wine varieties is the typical South African

semi-sweet Stein. Chenin Blanc is also the backbone of

most Late Harvests and many other Special Late Harvests,

making it an outstanding dinner table workhorse, and each

connoisseur’s favourite.

SAUVIGNON BLANC

This is a wine that is high in acidity, and it is in the same

league as Chardonnay in terms of having established the

Cape as a serious wine region, to global acclaim.

This wine can be suitably paired with

Kapenta, Mussels Seshebo, Avocado and

Smoked Snoek Salad, Kingklip Thermidor,

Maotwana (Chicken Feet or Trotters, in

loose township slang), Chicken Livers,

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Chicken Wings with Whipped Feta; Snails

and Soweto Beetroot Salad.

RIESLING

Riesling, which is appetising and low in alcohol, is noted for

its long life, often allowing this fine grape to evolve for long

periods.

1.2 Classic Red Selection

RED

PINOTAGE

The charming deep, heavy ink colour, with pink edges

epitomises a typically full-bodied wine, and one that tends

to fill the mouth, and almost effortlessly forms an ideal

accompaniment to South Africa’s signature dishes like

Lamb Shank, Oxtail and Tripe. Its distinctive Banana flavor

makes it an easy, and most enjoyable dinner partner.

Red Pinotage is best paired with Lamb

Shank, Lamb Potjie, Oxtail, Mogodu (Sheep

Tripe), Impala (Venison) Ragout, Ostrich

Kebabs, Tshotlho (Brisket Pounded Meat)

and Biltong.

MERLOT

Merlot is made from fully ripened fruit, with well-balanced

acid. This type of wine’s colour is a bouquet of dark cherries

and violets, with a soft velvety look, and is distinguishable

by its easy access.

Merlot can be comfortably paired with

Roasted Pork, Pork Ribs, Umleqwa

(Traditional Chicken) and Pan fried

Chicken Breasts.

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CABERNET SAUVIGNON

This wine is derived from the most commonly grown red

grapes in South Africa, and is – arguably – the base of many

of the red blends.

This type of wine is commonly paired with

Ox or Lamb Livers, T-bone steak, Beef

Fillet, Beef Sausage, Boboti, Goat Stew,

Chicken Curry and Lamb Chops.

PINOT NOIR

This is one of the world’s greatest ancient fragile wines, and

its accomplishment often depends on the ripeness of the

fruit, and especially when this is delicately tended by a warm

sun, cool nights and well controlled shades.

SHIRAZ

Shiraz is a wine that combines a red berry fruit intensity,

with a spicy pepperiness, and an innate sweetness.

1.3 The Pink Wines

ROSÉ

Suitable for light meals and summer lunches and created

through Bleeding; a recovery of juice from red grapes that

have been crushed by their own weight, with the resultant

dainty pink colour. Another method is Maceration; which

entails the first stage of fermentation on the skin, until the

bright red colour is attained before the process goes onto its

next stage. The Rosé taste ranges from sweet, dry to off dry

(resulting in what is known as Blanc De Noir).

Rose is normally paired with desserts, light

meals, salads and cheese platters.

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2. Wines which are defined by the production

technique

The production technique which is used to blend, ferment

and manufacture certain types of wines is commonly

referred to as Design.

2.1 Sparkling Wines

BUBBLIES

DOM PÉRIGNON CAP CLASSIQUE

This is a wine that resulted from an accidental innovation

that came about because of wine exploding while fermenting

in a bottle due to sudden unusual change in seasons. It is

essentially a discovery that was made by an amateur wine

maker, a Benedictine priest who was known as Dom

Pérignon.

Sparkling wine is not to be mistaken for Champagne, the

sparkling wine made in Champagne, France. Forbidden to

use the term Champagne, South Africa has Cap Classique,

which subscribes to the authentic production techniques of

Champagne.

The three selections of grapes – Chardonnay, Pinot Noir

and Pinot Meunier – are fermented separately then blended,

with each of these grapes bringing its unique character;

Chardonnay (long life), Pinot Noir (the rich, fruity flavour),

and Pinot Meunier (the easygoing spiciness).

The second stage is also a point of departure for the three

techniques, namely the Transfer Method, The Tank Method

and the Carbonated Method.

In the Transfer Method, fermentation takes place in the bottle;

In the Tank Method, fermentation occurs in a Pressure

Tank, as the name implies;

In the Carbonated Method, a liqueur is added, and the wine

is then bottled with a metal crown cap seal, where the third

stage of fermentation takes place.

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This is the critical stage that is responsible for the creation

of the perfect bubbles, the coat of arms so to speak, of a

perfect sparkling wine. Then the accumulated pressure from

the yeasty liqueur is released and the metal cap is replaced

with a cork stopper.

2.2 Fortified Wine

PORT

This is yet another accidental innovation, once again

involving a priest, and this because of him adding brandy to

the wine. The key to this type of wine is in the crushing of the

wine, which is preferably achieved through foot stumping.

Once the correct level of sugariness is achieved, the brandy

is added, then the wine is left to mature in a wooden barrel.

The length of the wine’s stay in the barrel will determine the

vintage and, therefore, the requisite grade.

Port is usually paired with Malva Pudding,

Ice Cream and Chocolate Ganache, and

with Maize Meal Custard with Chocolate

Sauce.

2.3 Late Harvest and Natural Sweet

SWEET WINE

These are wines which are first produced in the traditional

manner, from grapes harvested when fully ripe, but whose

fermentation is stopped by adding alcohol. Stopping the

fermentation allows the wine to both increase the alcohol

content and naturally sweet.

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TABLE TALKER


High Tea began as an early evening meal for workers who

might not have eaten all day, so filling sandwiches would

be served; and these were mostly meaty.

Low Tea, on the other hand, was a social affair for the

rich, and was normally served in the lounging area, with

sweets as the base; and this was essentially tea for the not-sohungry.

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Four

African Tea Time

My Tea Moments

Contrary to popular belief, the origin of high tea is related

to the lower class, as opposed to upper class. My earliest

memories of intimate tea moments date back to the sixties,

taking me back to my maternal grandparents’ household;

Ntate Moholo Le Nkgono Hlalele, at Lindley in Free

State.

H

IGH TEA OR LOW TEA?

The Duchess of Bedford, England is the person

who brought the Victorian flair to tea drinking in

the 19th Century when she introduced tea as an

afternoon snack to avoid a growling stomach before dinner.

There are many conflicting stories around the origins of

High Tea and Low Tea. For me, the former is the one that

carries greater logic, and which also puts our tradition of tea

and fat cakes, snoek and liver spread in the category of tea

for the hungry, and boldly calling for the equitable

enjoyment of High Tea.

The secret to that elitist touch to your tea is the infusion of

tea spices, which come in different flavours, with most of

these hailing from Kenya, while some of the spicy flavours

are not completely foreign, like Ginger, for instance.

South Africans are mainly tea drinkers, as opposed to being

known for coffee drinking, and we have a proliferation of

tea farms to ascertain this fact. South Africa is currently

ranked second in the world’s tea market, with India being in

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first place, and Kenya being placed third. South Africa’s

biggest tea farms are found in regions including Limpopo’s

Vhembe District, Kwazulu-Natal’s Nkandla District, the

Eastern Cape’s Lusikisiki District, and in Mpumalanga’s

Noordkaap River area. Significantly, these tea farms are a

good source of income for the rural communities in these

regions.

HOW TO MAKE A GOOD CUP OF TEA

Hot milk: Rinse the cup with hot water and put

a teabag in the cup. In a microwave, warm

20mls of milk, and ensure that the milk does not

overflow, and remove the milk from the oven,

just before it boils. Pour the milk into the tea

cup and let this stand, while boiling the water,

to ensure that the teabag fully diffuses and

releases its distinctive flavour. Add boiled

water, stir and add the remaining cold milk for

the correct colour. Add sugar as desired, then

serve.

Cold milk: Rinse the cup with hot water. Place

a teabag into the cup and add 20mls of hot

water, and allow this to stand, and for the

teabag to diffuse and release its characteristic

flavour. Add milk, stir, then add the rest of the

boiled water. Add sugar as desired, then serve.

AFRICAN HIGH TEA MENU

Mary was a Kenyan colleague at a Bible college. We had last

met and exchanged polite greetings in more than a year,

until she had discovered that I had a restaurant; then we had

reunited and reconnected immediately. She was a wellbalanced

and most graceful hostess, who loved hosting

people at her home. Her menu was a standardised Kenyan

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high tea with Chapattis. Chapattis, which is common to most

of East Africa – especially Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania and

Burundi – and is basically unleavened flat bread that is made

traditionally with low to high percentages of whole meal.

Chapattis is usually cooked on a flat pan or skillet over a

high heat. As she serves the tea, Mary rattles through her

Kenyan tea menu like a seasoned waitress, interestingly

without declaring the ingredients, often declaring – as we

probe for the ingredients – that this can only be done during

the tea tasting. The tea tasting is done with precision as Mary

takes us through the aroma, flavour, palate and health

benefits of the different teas, while also throwing in the

fascinating history of her beloved country, Kenya. High tea

at its best! And we had many of these topical brews with

Mary.

Chapattis: Mix 2 cups of cake flour with half a

cup of warm water, half a cup of coconut oil, 3

tablespoons of margarine or vegetable oil.

Knead the mixture into a pliable dough and

form into large balls. Leave this to rest for about

30 minutes. Roll out the dough into a large

circle, then tear to form a long strip and cut

into circles, then allow the shaped dough to rest

again. Roll out the small circles, flatten these

and fry in hot oil on a heavy based pan. Serve

with your favourite filling.

Masamba Cakes – Malawian Spinach Cake:

Finely chop 1 bunch of spinach and boil. Mix

with 1 cup of cooked corn kernels. Into the

spinach, add 1 raw egg, 1 cup of breadcrumbs,

and pinches of salt and sugar. Mix well and

form into flat cakes. In a separate container,

beat 1 egg and mix with 1 cup of breadcrumbs.

Coat the cakes in flour, then throw in the egg

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and bread crumb mixture. Fry in heated oil

until cooked.

Mandazi – Malawian Fat Cakes: Sift together 4

cups of cake flour with 2 tablespoons of baking

powder and 1 teaspoon of Cream of Tartar. Add

half a cup of sugar and mix in 4 eggs, then add

1 cup of milk to form a firm batter. Drop a

spoonful of batter into hot oil and deep fry, until

this turns brown on both sides. Drain on a

kitchen towel.

Senegalese Pastille: Mix 1 cup of flour with a

pinch of salt, 1 beaten egg and water to form a

stiff dough. Pour 1 tablespoon of oil over the

dough and rest for 30 minutes. Knead the

dough, absorbing the oil. Roll out the dough,

then cut this into strips, and then into squares.

Prepare a filling of 1 grated onion, 2 tablespoons

of chopped Parsley, 1 clove of crushed Garlic, 1

cup cooked of white fish, and add pinches of salt

and pepper. Pour a teaspoonful of filling onto a

pastry square, then seal firmly and deep fry in

hot oil.

Egyptian Tamia Vegetarian Patties: For this

recipe, you will need 1 cup of Chick Peas. Soak

these overnight, then mash the peas,

afterwards. Mix the Chick Peas with 1 teaspoon

each of coriander, dill and parsley and season

with half a teaspoon each of salt, pepper,

ground coriander and cumin. Add 4 chopped

spring onions and a pinch of salt. Form into

patties and deep fry.

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Koeksusters: To prepare this – one of South

Africa’s national dishes – requires one to follow

a procedure similar to that of making Mali’s

sweet fried bread; and the trick of whipping up

the most delicious Koeksusters is to ensure that

these are soft inside crunchy outside.

TEA TASTING

First things first – The Plantation

The Venteco Tea Plantation in Limpopo is wholly-owned by

the Tshivhase community of Vhembe District in Limpopo,

with the Tshivhase Tribal Authority managing on the

people’s behalf. The tea is farmed and selectively handpicked

from the estate and then processed, blended and

packaged in a world-class factory in Mukumbani.

Tea processing factory

Tea-tasting is the process in which a trained taster

determines the quality of a tea. Due to climatic conditions,

landscape, manufacturing process, and different clones of

the Camellia Sinensis plant-tea, the final product may have

vastly differing flavours and appearances.

The flavour characteristics and, indeed the leaf colour, size

and shape are graded, using a specific whimsical language

created by the tea industry to explain the tea’s overall quality.

Once the quality has been tasted and graded, each tea

company places a value on it, based on market trends,

availability and demand.

Preparation for tea-tasting

Your average tea sachet is 3 grams immersed in 400 ml of

water. For your tea tasting, measure out double the amount

of the tea you would normally sip, or you could use half the

amount of water – up to 200 ml – to overemphasise the

flavours which could be hidden in each tea.

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A full, long sip – with double the amount of tea – might not

be perfectly pleasing to the palate, but may serve to make

the flavours more apparent to the tongue. Pour boiled water

over the leaves and cover the top of your mug or teapot to

preserve the heat; then set a timer for 5 minutes, and remove

the tea after the timer has gone off.

Ready to taste

The appearance of the tea leaves gives you an indication of

the quality of the tea. The amount of tea leaves, tips and

wholeness determines the subtle differences and complexity

of the tea, whether the tea is made of tea buds or leaves only,

or a good mixture of both, with shiny, glossy leaves.

Tea tasters transition from tea to tea without the disgusting

spit and mouth-rinsing that is common with wine-tasting,

to quickly compare flavours. One does not have to worry

about the flavour of the previous tea diluting the flavor that

is presently in your mouth. Ninety percent, 90% of what we

taste is due to what we smell.

Think about this as you take a sip, ensuring that the entire

palate is splashed with a mist of tea, while gently and

carefully sucking some air to activate the flavours. Pay

attention to the flavours and take note of how the tea makes

your mouth feel. It might be a creamy coating, a rich broth,

which could be thin and cleansing like warm water; or could

have a slightly bitter sensation on the tongue, as well as a

dry, moist or coated feeling.

Savour the smell of your tea and observe the cup for any

sedimentation, which may indicate a low-quality tea. The

aftertaste, and how the tea makes us feel, determine the

reason why we enjoy drinking tea. So, always be certain to

take note of the aftertaste, which might be different from

the flavour of the tea, itself.

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Describing the taste

Now comes the hard part: taking what you’ve tasted and

putting this into words. The description of what you have

tasted is purely personal and subjective, and there is no right

answer. What you taste is unique, and any adjective you

would like to use to describe your tea is just fine. The

description may fall into the following flavour categories:

Black Teas – the earthy, deep tones of many black teas will

often fall under the Spice categories.

Green Teas – green tea taste green; implying that the raw

vegetable-like profile of Green Tea means that it generally

falls under the Herbal section of the flavour spectrum.

White Teas – incredibly subtle in their flavours, white teas are

light, bright, and often have a tell-tale sweetness about them.

You will often find pleasant floral aspects in white tea, along

with flavours that tend to reside in the Sweet realm of the

flavour spectrum.

Flavored and Herbal Teas – these are blended like an Organic

Blend, and imbued with eleven, 11 different herbs.

The practice of tea-tasting adds to the whims of serving the

well-liked light township meal of tea with fat cakes, or

Magwinya in street patois.

HOW TO SERVE TEA

• Use the tea caddy for your guest to select their

preferred teas;

• Always use a tray with the teapot at the center, so as to

balance the tray;

• Ensure that all tea condiments are on your tray,

including milk, honey, brown sugar, white sugar and

sweeteners;

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• The tea bag tag must hang visibly for the guests to see,

clearly, so as to make informed choices, as it were;

• Set the cup first, with the teaspoon and handle facing

to the right;

• Serve the tea from the guest’s right-hand side.

• Should you open the teabag packet in front of the

guest, pull the sachets out, or allow the guests to

remove these, themselves.

Kenyan Tea: Heat together in a saucepan boil 1

cup of water, one and a half teaspoons of tea

leaves or 1 teabag and one and a half teaspoons

of Tea Masala. Boil for 10 minutes. Add 1 cup of

milk and heat to near boiling. Add to taste 1

teaspoon sugar, then pour this into the tea pot

for serving. If the tealeaves are used, strain the

tea and place these back into the teapot.

Tea Masala: For this type of drink, you will

need 1 teaspoon each of cinnamon, cloves,

cardamom, ginger, nutmeg, saffron and black

pepper.

This is best paired with an African High Tea

Menu of Fat cakes Magwinya platters,

Masamba Cakes, Spinach Cakes, Chapattis,

Mandazi, Senegalese Pastille, Tamia –

Vegetarian Patties, “Potchefstrooms” and

Koeksusters.

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MY TEA MOMENTS...


As has been mentioned, already, my earliest memories of

intimate family meals dates to the sixties, taking me back to

my maternal grandparents’ household – of Ntate Moholo le

Nkgono Hlalele in Lindley, Free State. My grandmother was

a supersized woman, with a great presence, and she used to

enjoy walking around, barefooted. Her home was well-kept

and orderly, and there was always plenty to eat. Her sense

of humour, which my mother had inherited, made family

meals fun. Just thinking about that period, I can feel the

warmth and smell of the dried cow dung firewood. Waking

up, the fireplace-cum-cooking stove would be ready, and all

of us – especially the grandchildren – would already be

huddled around the stove, and she would serve us tea,

without discriminating between the children and adults, as

it was commonplace in most other families.

However, later in life, I came to experience the same tea

moments with my own mother, as well as my late brother,

Enoch. Like my grandmother, Enoch was always the first

to wake up, to make the fire and prepare the tea. All of us,

siblings, would then gather together around the “Ellis”

model coal stove; only this time around, we were much

older, and it was a coal stove that we would be huddling

around. While the discussions would be more mature and

profound, but the humour would still be there. Now, being

a grandmother, myself, I am consciously passing on these

tea moments to Aminah, my granddaughter. And, this time

around, it is iced tea with flat bread, which she enjoys

making, as well as partaking in the breaking of the bread

rituals. What remains unchanged is the flat bread we serve

with olive oil and homemade chilli sauce. The tea moments

are coming full circle, indeed!

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A TEA CUP OF COMPASSION


It was the exotic Kenyan tea, as I recall;

With every warm sip,

The grinding pains of my life melted.

With every sip,

Your compassion soothed the agony of my soul.

The world around joyous and blissful;

The sip brought you closer

To the low temperatures of my life.

Deep inside, where not even I could see,

With every sip, you saw and sensed.

As the cup emptied, so did the anguish.

Today, as I gaze at the empty cup,

The leaves of the herbs scrutinise my soul.


The sand of the tea spice considers my heart.


Teapots of support and encouragement

Come flooding back.


My life is warm and the feeling is tasty.

Our life is for others... as yours has been.

Filling up the teapot today the tea is differently flavoured.

As the steam dances out of the cup,

The dance resonates with the rhythm of my soul.

As the smell of herbs dances out of the cup,

The bouquet of aromas resonates with my heart.

My life is warm and the feeling is tasty.

Our life is for others... as yours has been.

A dedication to my late mother, Sebane Hlalele Rakhale.

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My elder sister, Monki and my late brother, Enoch, enjoyed

the attention that our grandparents gave us, as there were

no other children to compete with.

Breakfast was Mageu (a traditional sweet-sour fermented

porridge drink), followed by the fruits which would have

been picked from the trees in the garden. For snack time,

we were given pocket money to buy goodies at the local

corner shop. This, too, was an epic event on its own, as the

owners were relatives of theirs. Therefore, the visit was

accompanied by add-ons.

My grandfather, who was a farmer, spent most of his time

fixing his tractor. I vividly remember the windmill in the

yard, and it was an adventure playing in that space. The

adventures were constantly interrupted by instructions to

chop firewood, to top up the stock for the fireplace-cumcooking

stove.

My grandparents epitomised what a cohesive family stood

for, which was amply exemplified just by how simply they

had lived their lives in the way they did. They quietly

presented the warmth and security of a home, and the joy

of a family, as well as the connection of family at the dinner

table.

We saw them once a year, until my mother had fallen sick –

as I had mentioned, already – with Tuberculosis, and was

subsequently hospitalised for long periods, and – owing to

being sickly and weak – could no longer take us to visit her

dear parents – our beloved grandparents. I was nine years

old then. The only sad detail about these memories is that

my maternal grandparents never came to visit us in Soweto,

especially during the times that my mother was in hospital.

They never came to visit us!

A cup of tea, one child at a time; that is how I remember my

paternal grandmother, Ma-Fume Rakhale. I never knew my

grandfather (he had died long before I was born).

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Unlike Ma-Hlalele, who was a housewife, Ma-Fume was an

entrepreneur of sorts. She used to make a living by selling

hand-woven grass brooms and cow dung bricks – Disu tsa

boloko ba kgomo.

The same as my mother, Ma-Fume’s favourite dish was

sheep’s trotters – ditlhakwana tsa nku. Patiently, she would

do the prep and let the trotters cook until the meat fell off

the bones and would serve these with pap. The recipe on

page 40 is the one she had handed over to my mother, who

had then tweaked the formula – just a little bit – before she

had handed it to me, later.

And, this method – among many others – has stood out

amid my family’s myriad, celebratory dishes. Ma-Fume’s

natural beauty was enhanced by a traditional display of

beauty spots, Ditoba-Toba, what might be referred to as

tattoos, today. In contrast to the ones commonly worn by

Xhosa women, the Basotho traditional facial designs are

permanent. My granny, Ma-Fume, sported one such

“beauty spot” on each cheek, and also had another one

strategically positioned between the eyebrows!

Taking a break from her broom making, Ma-Fume’s meals

were routine. Unlike my maternal granny, with her, we had

to come one at a time for our meals. I cannot remember the

order of the “queue marshalling” – like they normally do in

the minibus taxi ranks to keep order, so to speak – but I do

remember asking her why we could not eat together. And,

to this curious query, her response would be: “To save on

the washing of dishes!”

Nkgono Ma-fume always came to visit us, and those were happy

moments!

My mother came from a warm family environment. My

father, on the other hand, came from the harsh reality of a

polygamous marriage, with an ever absent “rolling stone” of

a father. My grandmother, Ma-Fume, had to raise her four

boys (my father and his siblings) on her own, selling

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brooms. She never even had a decent home as the second

wife. Yet, on the other hand, his perennially absent father

seemingly inspired and motivated my father to become a

devoted husband to my mother, and a doting father to us,

his children. The only thing that really had missed, glaringly,

in my family, were the regular, mirth-filled family meals.

We never ate together as a family!

It is regrettably my father’s legacy that had dominated the

running of his own home without practicing the tradition of

family dinners, and – tragically, by extension – no family

talks. This had incapacitated me, later in life, as I could not

talk, and had – for a long time – bottled up just too many

things, and deep-set feelings, many of which had later

manifested with outbursts, whenever I was angry. Like so

many families, mine did not equip and empower me with

communication skills. It is for this reason that I wrote the

book in a conversational style; to encourage families to talk

and use family meals as a platform to ventilate, celebrate

small and big feats, alike; and to plan, commiserate; and just

come closer, each time. However, the seed of family dinners

was firmly planted in my subconscious mind. As soon as I

started earning money of my own, starting with working as

a tea lady at an engineering company, the first item of

furniture I bought was a six-sitter dining table and four

garden chairs.

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TABLE TALKER…

I AM THAT PERSON

Author Unknown

Remember me?

I am the person who goes into a restaurant, sits down,

patiently, and waits

While the waitron does everything but take my order.

Remember me?

I am the person who goes into the restaurant and stands,

quietly, while the waitron finishes their telephone

conversation.

Remember me?

I am the one who drives into your eatery,

And waits, patiently, while the usher finishes reading

Their text message.

Yes, you might say; I am a good guy,

But, do you know who else I am?

I am the person who never comes back,

And is amused to see you spending thousands of rands

Every year, to get me into your restaurant,

When I was there, in the first place…

And, all you had to do was acknowledge me,

And show me a little courtesy.

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Five

Front Of House

Waitrons Training

Manual

Our natural inclination is opposed to serving. This chapter

is dedicated to Amos, the first waiter together with whom I

had worked at the Rio Sol Portuguese Restaurant, which

was situated on Grayston Drive in Sandton in 2005. Amos

epitomised service excellence.

G

ROUND RULES

It is important to know the history of the

establishment. The description of the

restaurant must include the sitting, décor,

ambience, food quality, portions and the prices.

Clothing – The Basics: The prescribed uniform must be

worn by staff members at all times. Make-up is allowed for

female employees, but this must be applied conservatively.

While jewelry is allowed for female employees, this should

be kept at a reasonable minimum, and – for men – wedding

bands are permitted. Employees should ensure that their

uniform is clean, and that no offensive odours are present.

This includes their bags, satchels and even their clothes.

Ideally, a black belt goes with black shoes. And, it is

obligatory that black shoes should be worn by everyone, all

the time.

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Kitchen staff and cleaners: Men are supposed to wear

two-piece overalls, grillers-grill pants and griller t-shirts, and

they must also wear closed toe-cap protective shoes at all

times. Ladies, too, are expected to wear one-piece overalls,

closed toe-cap protective shoes at all times. The trainees

must also wear black shoes, and their requisite uniforms

should have name tags indicating that they are trainees.

Name badges are compulsory for everyone.

The employees’ nails must be short and clean. The ladies

who use nail polish must ensure that this is clear, or

transparent. Everyone should use deodorants to minimise

body odours. Men must be clean-shaven, daily, without fail.

Our hair must be washed and combed every day. Writings

on the skin, especially tattoos, are prohibited; and, also, no

tongue, eye or nose rings or studs are allowed.

Cellular phones – The Protocol: Cellphones are not

allowed while the restaurant workers are on duty, and it is

advisable that they should switch off their cellphones while

on duty. If an urgent phone call is expected, management

should be notified in advance.

Visitors are not allowed – especially in the kitchen – unless

their anticipated presence has been arranged in advance,

with front shop management. Friends and families sitting at

tables should be treated as guests. We must respect nonsmoking

guests. There should refrain from smoking while

on duty.

Equipment: Employees will need to have, on their persons

or within easy reach, three working pens, one dry cloth each,

one wet cloth each, a working cigarette lighter, a float of

R50.00 notes and coins, a docket book, and a wine opener.

All uniforms must be worn with dignity, especially the

waitrons’ uniforms. Waiters must be delegated a table to

experience the service during their break at a designated

eating area.

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The First Aid kit should be easily accessible and fully

equipped. If an emergency arises, employees should report

to management, and no one should try to be a hero and try

to attend to the situation, themselves.

Management is trained to deal with such emergency

situations. Respect the business and take care of it as you

would your own life, and the business will take care of you,

in return. Life is organic; therefore, it will give you back what

you have put into it.

Way of Thinking and Attitude: With the right frame of

mind, everything is possible; and your attitude must be right,

at all times. Mutual respect is crucial in any relationship; and

if we are all natured enough, this will be of great help to all

of us in the hospitality business.

In the hospitality industry, we do not serve food, we serve

people. Good service will ensure that guests come back

again, and again; and that they will be happy and proud

enough to recommend our business to others in their wider

networks, and – as such – help to grow the business for our

collective benefit.

Answering the Telephone: It is important to be polite

and friendly on the phone. Professionalism needs to be

conveyed during the call, as well. It is important to refer all

calls for bookings to the floor manager.

Table Manners: The waitron must always remain calm,

even when the restaurant is busy, and never be tempted to

run, as this might add to more chaos and confusion.

Stretching over the tables to remove plates and glasses is

not allowed. Instead, waitrons are advised to move or walk

around the table and remove the plates and glasses, with

ease and without any inconvenience to the patrons. If the

table is not accessible, simply ask the guests to pass the

plates and glasses.

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Guests appreciate a cleared and uncluttered table, and –

half the time – will always be happy to help in this regard.

Employees should note that eating must be done at

allocated times, and never off the guests’ plates. It is rude

and disrespectful to gossip about customers among

ourselves, even when we think our language is foreign to

them. Spread yourselves among tables to avoid chit-chats.

HANDLING GUEST COMPLAINTS

Do Not Panic or Aggravate the Guest: The first and

important thing to remember is that the guest is an ordinary,

fellow human being, and that you do not have to panic while

fielding a complaint. Try to listen intently as are taking note

of the problem; and you should try your utmost not to argue

or make any excuses.

Often, people want to be heard. The ability to say, “I am

sorry,” is a virtue that you should practice within and around

the close family members. If you cannot say, “Sorry” to your

colleagues, or to your child, brother, sister, mother or father,

then there is no way you can say, “Sorry” to an angry

stranger.

That is a virtue you learn from home. Apologise and try and

solve the problem on your own; and, if the guest insists on

calling a manager, oblige the patron and consult someone

of a senior rank. Each step of the way, obliging our guests,

respectfully, shows that we take our business seriously.

Be Sincere and Remove the Problem: Ask the guest if

you may remove the problem, if it is the food (and

everything that accompanies the meal, including the cutlery)

or the drinks, and replace these, immediately, without

offering a free dessert. As a waiter, you have no authority to

do so. Be sincere in your handling of the problem, and

inform the floor manager.

Establish the Real Source of the Problem: We should

strive to establish the real source of the problem, so that

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preventative or improvement-related measures can be

undertaken. If you understand yourself as a waitron and

have been providing good service to your guests, you will

not run away; but you will be able to provide an amicable

solution.

Remember: life is organic; and when you are just in your service, justice

will prevail.

Keep the Guest Informed, at all times: Keep the guest

posted regarding how the situation is being resolved, and

make sure that the problem is ultimately rectified, as had

been promised.

Close with After Sale Service; as you would normally do,

daily; and strive to maintain an impeccable consistency.

CREATING THE AMBIANCE

Handle the money, credit, debit cards with respect.

Never ever be tempted to steal or commit fraud; because –

sooner or later – you will be caught. Love conquers all.

Personal happiness and inner peace will undoubtedly flow

into your social and work spaces, so be humble both at

work, at home and even at play – at all times .

Make sure that you handle yourself well, and strive to serve

yourself properly before you serve others; being mindful to

handle their welfare impeccably, as it were. In other words,

you should take care of personal business, and make this a

priority because how you feel sets the tone for your space.

The restaurant depends on the waitrons, both individually

and collectively, to create a warm, loving and a truly homely

environment, no end.

Teamwork is the key to an establishment’s success; so, as

you walk around, you should also look around, and be ready

– always – to fix, clear and fill up the tables with whatever it

is that may be missing. Success is built on great teamwork.

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Teamwork is divine: when God created the universe, he

said, “Let us, let us, let us…”

There are many more lessons of teamwork that we can take

from sacred scriptures. The same excellent service to the

inside, must be given to the outside, an area that tends to be

neglected, and this is unacceptable. Cordial communication

with the guest influences the atmosphere; so this affable,

respectful approach must be made an absolute priority.

A guest who is left in the dark and made to wait for a long

time for their food becomes a disgruntled guest. Guests do

not mind waiting a bit longer for their drinks or food if you

inform them, timeously, and courteously, at all times.

DAILY ROUTINES

Starting a Shift: Sign in, receive and comprehend your

respective duties, check your working area, plan your duties

for the day, do your job, unstintingly until your shift ends,

and carry on if there are overlapping tables, or your

incoming colleagues seem to be overwhelmed.

Briefing session with floor manager entails: Take proper

note of various specials, veggies of the day, out of stock

items and recommendations, managers on shift, Subject to

Quotation (SQ) prices for the day, incentives and sales to

qualify for a shift. Set out bookings and know the table

numbers and areas.

Inspect your serving area for wobbly tables and adequate

spacing. Set all the tables for business. Steam and polish the

glasses and cutlery. Ensure that each table is properly,

notably the sett-fork and knife on the left; Wine glass on the

right, and with salt and pepper on the table. Remember the

toothpicks and serviettes. By the way, the clearing of tables

is continuous, right through the shift.

Be courteous and send a message if you are going to be late,

and if you are likely to be absent, you should call four hours

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in advance. When you have bookings for your area, you

must know what time the patrons would be expected to

arrive. You should also, most importantly, make sure that

you are at the door to seat the guests, personally, and

proudly so.

When there is no hostess in the restaurant, it is the duty of

the waitrons to welcome and sit the guests. No guest must

be passed or handed over to another waitron. You should

seat the guest and let them know who their waitron would

be. Pull the chair out for the ladies at the table. And be sure,

always, to open the menu first before you hand it over to

the guest.

Attending to the Tables: The first thing the waitrons

should do when they get to the table is to politely announce

themselves to their guests. And, each time after that, when

the waitrons reach the table, they must announce

themselves, by saying – for an example – “Excuse me…”,

or by announcing, “Sorry to interrupt…”

Never split an order. Ask the guests when they want to hear

the recommendations. Be sincere in your selling. Tell them

about items that are on promotion and the different

incentive items, if, and whenever the guests enquire.

Sincerity should be your up-selling tool.

Up-sell to the advantage of the guest; never to the advantage

of the waitron. The money rewards will happen without

being deceitful or insincere. Go through the wine list with

your guests, and even the children’s menu, if necessary.

Notify the guests of what might not be in stock, long before

they would start ordering drinks, and offer

recommendations of whatever else they could order from

the available stock, instead.

If guests are not drinking wine, remove the wine glasses

from the table, duly taking these by the stem. If a guest asks

for brandy, enquire politely as to what type this might be;

and whether this should be a single, or double? Use a tray

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to serve drinks, keeping in mind that the bottom half of the

glass is the waitron’s half, and that the top half of the glass

is the guest’s half.

Ask the guest if you could pour the drinks for them. This is

a courteous gesture that most guests enjoy, immensely, and

it make it easier for you to clear the table off empties,

immediately. When placing the glass on the table, in front

of a guest, announce what you are setting down. This

prevents any miscommunication from happening at your

table. When removing empties from the table, ask before

doing so. Also, ask if you can replace one glass or bottle

with another.

Taking Drink Orders: Ask permission to take the order

at the table. It is good manners to ask the ladies first.

Always write the order down, even if it is one time.

Connect with your guests, making eye contact as you speak

with them. Confirm the order with the guest. Enter the

order in the computer and check the order before pressing,

“Order”.

Follow-up the order at the bar and compare the drinks with

what has been written on the docket. Ensure that these are

poured in the correct glasses, and whether your order is

complete. Never split an order. Announce the drinks at the

table, thus confirming that each guest has received the

correct drink.

Serving Alcohol Drinks with a Mix: A single tot is served

in a highball glass. A double tot in a zombie glass unless

stated otherwise by the guests, themselves. Any liquor

served on the rocks, should be served in a tumbler, unless

otherwise stated by your guest. Drinks must be taken to the

table as soon as possible, to maintain their serving

temperature. Drinks served in superior tots; that is those

drinks that are ordered in single tot each, but they are

served in double tot glasses, zombie glasses are Sherry, Port

and Cinzano. Mineral water is served with a slice of lemon,

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never with ice (unless the guest stipulates otherwise);

otherwise, this defeats the purpose of drinking mineral

water.

SERVING WINE

Presenting the Wine: Follow the same procedure as taking

all other ordering procedures. Always carry your wine on a

tray. Present the wine to the guest who ordered the wine. If

the guests ordered white wine, find out if they would like an

ice bucket and extra ice with wine. The guest is given the

opportunity to confirm that it is the correct bottle of wine

he/she ordered and feel the temperature of the wine. If the

guest is happy with the wine, ask if you may open the bottle

for him or her.

Open the Wine at the Table: This is a delicate process the

wine opener will make it easier though. Use the small knife

to open the seal that covers the cork. A sharp knife will cut

the seal away cleanly, make sure your knife stays sharp. Put

the cut off seal in your pouch, do not leave it on the table.

Use the corkscrew to pull the cork out of the bottle. When

screwing it into the cork, make sure that you that you place

the corkscrew in the middle of the cork.

Keep the wine bottle in your hand, and do not place it on

the table. A safe place to hold the bottle is on your thigh.

Keep the bottle still and turn the corkscrew. The coil must

be turned into the cork, till just before the last coil. You now

use the third part of the wine opener – the bottle opener.

Place this on the side of the bottle, and – if it does not fit –

play around with your screw, and continue turning this

around, pushing in a little bit deeper or screw it out a little.

Take the bottle by the neck and lift out the cork. If it appears

that the cork is about to break, turn the screw deeper into

the cork. If the cork breaks, do not panic and run away from

the table. Just use the screw and turn it into the remaining

cork. Pull the cork out the gently. Place the cork on the table

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or put it in your pouch. If you have difficulty with opening

wine bottles ask your manager or colleague to assist you at

your table.

The Tasting and Pouring Procedure: When a gentleman

orders wine at your table, the following procedure applies:

Then you present the wine to the gentleman. Ask if he

would like to first taste the wine. For tasting, you pour about

1.5cm of wine into his glass and then step back from the

table so that he can taste the wine. Turn the bottle to

prevent spillage. Do not pick up the glass from the table

when you pour the wine.

Why do guests taste wine before being served? They do this

to make sure that the wine is not corked. That is,

ascertaining the air did not come into the bottle through the

cork, as this causes the wine to taste off. It happens to both

the red and white wines. So the guest does not taste wine to

decide whether they like it or not.

Therefore, you must ask his permission before you open the

bottle. Then you should ask him if he is happy with the

wine. If he is, you then ask if you may also pour for his

guests. You pour for the ladies first, then the other

gentleman or gentlemen sitting at the table; and, lastly, you

pour for the host or the guest who would have ordered the

wine (unless otherwise stated by the host).

This must be done in an anticlockwise direction. If a lady

orders wine, the procedure changes. You follow the same

wine presenting procedure as has been shown above. You

then ask the lady if she would like to first taste the wine. If

she says, “Yes”, you then follow the same tasting

procedures as has been stated above.

Ask if you may also pour for her guests. If you have been

permitted, you then pour for the other ladies; then for the

lady who would have ordered the wine and then, only then,

for the gentlemen accompanying the ladies. This must be

done in an anti-clockwise direction. If the lady who has

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ordered the wine does not want to taste the wine and she

nominates the gentleman sitting next to her, the pouring

procedure stays the same as has been indicated above.

For Red Wine, pour half a glass, and for White Wine,

three quarters of a glass, and always leave a space for ice.

If you feel that there seems to be a need to top up a guest’s

glass, ask before executing this task. When the bottle is

empty, remove it from the table and ask if the guests would

like a refill. If the guest orders a second bottle of the same

wine, present the taster with a new tasting glass. Never mix

two bottles of wine in one glass, unless the guest asks you

to do this. And, if the guest orders a different bottle of wine,

you must present all the people at the table with new glasses.

Serving Sparkling Wine or Cap Classique: Champagne

is bottle-fermented and is only produced in the Champagne

region in France. Our equivalent to Champagne is Cap

Classique, and it is also bottle fermented and is only made

in South Africa.

When making sparkling wine, different procedures are

followed. Sugar is added to wine and carbonated, thus

adding bubbles. This is an ideal method is for purposes of

mass production.

Serving sparkling wine differs from serving wine; the same

ordering process applies though. Take the sparkling wine

glasses to the table before you present the table with the

sparkling wine. Ask if the guests would like to have an ice

bucket. You must also present the bottle to the guest who

ordered the sparkling wine. Sparkling wine bottles must be

held at the bottom, with your thumb holding the bubble.

Sparkling wine does not get tasted unless the guest

specifically asks to taste it. From the host or guest who

would have ordered the sparkling wine, you pour for the

ladies first, then the gentlemen and lastly the host. This must

be done in an anti-clockwise direction. You must lift the

glass from the table and tilt the glass when pouring, thus

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minimising the bubbles. Sparkling Wine or Cap Classic gets

filled half way. Ask each guest if they would like to have

some sparkling wine; never assume.

SERVING FOOD

Starters: Always recommend appetisers so that the guests

are allowed to get the full dining experience. Suggest two

different dishes, only, and make the recommendations

before the guests order main course.

Recommend a salad or bread for the table if the guests do

not want appetisers. Before the food arrives, take the

serviettes, side plates, and finger bowls for hand-handled

meals like Maotwana, or Chicken Trotters. Remember to take

correct cutlery; like dish-up spoons for salad orders, snail

forks for snails, mussels or crumbed mushrooms orders.

After you would have submitted the order through the

computer, confirm the order with the coordinator. Check

with the coordinator how long the order will take, to ensure

that the kitchen is preparing your order so that you can time

your tasks perfectly. You should always remember to offer

your guests condiments. After the second bite, ask the

guests if they are enjoying their food; not while their mouths

are full; and always be specific, by enquiring, for an example,

“Are you enjoying the chicken livers?’’

Always top up their drinks just before you bring the food to

the table. Connect with your guests and make eye contact as

you speak to them, as this shows that you care. Clear the

table as soon as possible. After the guests have finished

enjoying their appetisers, announce yourself, yet again, and

ask if you may remove their empty plates. Place clean cutlery

on the table. You may take the starter and entrée at the same

time and find out from the guests when they would want

the entrée to follow. Order the starter and main on a

different docket. Each table differs in the spacing they

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prefer between starter and the main meal. Learn to read

your guests and, if not sure, please ask.

Main Course: Recommend two entrées, always politely

asking relevant questions about meat preparation; like,

medium, medium rare or rare and sauces; atchaar, chilli

sauces, beetroot, tomato and onion, fish-lemon butter,

garlic butter or Tartar Sauce.

As with the appetisers, bring out, and place the relevant

cutlery; like fish or steak knives, dish-up spoons, side plates,

finger bowls and condiments. Orders are not to be split.

These must all come out, at once. It is the waitron’s

responsibility to memorise the orders.

Announce the different meals before you place these in

front of the guest; remembering, clearly, in your mind, as to

who had ordered what. This will prevent confusion and, if

a wrong plate of food is placed in front of a wrong guest, it

can be detected, early, and be rectified, most professionally.

After the second bite, you should ask if your guests are

enjoying their meal, like Mogodu, for instance. Ensure that

the guests are enjoying their meals, without you

disappearing from their sight; so that, if they need

something, they must be able to draw your attention.

Dessert: Offer your guests dessert; do not assume that they

have had a look at the dessert menu. Guests do not always

look at the dessert menu; it is your responsibility to promote

the dessert menu. If the guest orders a Don Pedro or Irish

coffee, always offer a double tot of liquor. If they order tea,

make sure the tea is brewed properly.

Presenting the bill: Wait for the guest to ask for the bill,

you are not allowed to take the bill without the guest asking

for it. Present the bill to the person that has asked for it.

Inside the folder, put a pen, bill, and a mint for each of the

guests. Step back from the table, but keep your eyes on the

proceedings. Once the guest has put the card or money into

the folder, thank them and take the folder off the table.

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Waitrons get a shift salary which is based on sales, not tips,

and that is where the focus should be: sales. The best service

comes from waitrons that rely on their salary, based on sales

performance. Take the change to the guest, no matter how

minimal this may be. It is bad manners not to take back the

change to the guest.

After sales service: Continue to serve your guests until they

leave and accompany them to the door. After greeting your

guests at the front door, you are supposed to clean and set

the table to prepare for the next sitting. Notify the hostess

about the table number and in which section of the

restaurant the open table is.

15 Key Points Drill

• Greet all guests within thirty seconds of them walking

in;

• Take drinks order promptly;

• Bar order not to take more than three minutes to

deliver;

• Bread to be delivered with drinks;

• Clear the table of any unnecessary glasses and cutlery;

• Take food order;

• Process the order promptly;

• Follow up your order in the kitchen;

• Double-check orders and table numbers in the kitchen;

• Follow up service at the table without irritating clients;

• Maintain the table by clearing your table;

• Sell to the needs of the guest;

• Present the bill;

• Give back the change;

• Bid the guests a hearty farewell at the door.

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We Have a Table...

My waiter notifies the chef as soon as he has processed the

bar order in the system. Then it is back to the table to deliver

the drinks, which must be served swiftly. Referring to

patrons as “a table” as opposed to “Guests” holds a

concealed meaning in the restaurant business.

A table is piece of furniture with a flat top, supported on

legs. On the other hand; to “table” something is to put it

forward for discussion in a meeting. We also understand

that a person can only attend a meeting whenever they have

been invited.

As a diner in the restaurant, the patron is a guest and the

restaurant owner and staff are your hosts, and a seat at the

table is a notable, favoured space, while the character of the

restaurant sets the tone for the deliberations. Both the guest

and restaurant owner are not necessarily perfect. Before the

waiter makes that familiar announcement to the kitchen

staff for the first sitting, we have a table…, the kitchen daystaff

has already been on duty for three to four hours,

preparing the restaurant for service.

The starter team is on extreme alert, as they must ensure

that the appetisers are served, promptly, thus providing a

sneak preview of what the entrée is going to be; and,

simultaneously giving the patron something with which to

kill the hunger pangs for a couple of minutes while waiting

for the entrée.

The Sous Chef – in the meantime – would be busy with the

“prep” and making sure that the serving pots and plates are

meticulously clean and warm, and also ensuring that the

special eating utensils accompanying the meals and

condiments are ready.

My favourite star of the show on this symbolic conveyor

belt, though, or the lead actor – so to say – is the griller. He

sets the tone of the order; a few minutes before the meat or

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fish is ready, the griller is often heard calling out, “Si ya

phuma” – isiZulu for, “We are ready to go!”

At once, the Sous Chef rings the first bell, for the waiter to

collect the serving equipment, condiments and a myriad

other paraphernalia that is peculiar to their shared

environment. As if in chorus, the plates and cutlery start

rattling; the vegetables and starch are plated, making room

for the griller to place the masterpiece of the menu.

“A’sa’mbeni!” – “let’s go!” – the chef calls out, again, to

hasten the order. Now, the meat or fish is plated, and now,

the second bell has already gone off, and the waiters come

in for their orders. The waiters first verify and inspect the

orders. Depending on the outcome and timing of the

orders, they express their gratitude to the chef as he

gracefully takes the food to the eagerly-waiting table

(patrons).

Compliments to the chef will only come with the clearing of

the dishes. As a means of quality control, the chef also

monitors the leftovers and breakfast bags. This exercise

provides some insight when reviewing the menu and

planning for the future. As the griller cools down his stove

and cleans it in preparation for the next orders, the salad

team commences to plate the dessert orders. Dessert is the

culmination of any menu and is always pleasurable to

prepare.

Etiquette principles are standard, whether in a public or

private arena, although, as a paying guest, you remain

accountable on how you behave and your attitude plays a

very important role on how the dining experience turns out,

eventually. The owner has the right to decide who is

welcome or not, hence the message:

“Right of Admission Reserved” – and the sign is a gentle

reminder for the patrons to carry themselves in the same

way as they would if they were invited to any other place,

where decency tops the list of prerequisite behavioural

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patterns. Restaurant owners would, therefore, always wish

to host pleasant guests, who would, in return, enjoy the art

of fine dining; and even wish to come back, and – in an

interdependent manner – both parties are ideally expected

to go to great lengths to create this atmosphere. However,

just like in your private life and any other possible setting,

in general, there will always be flaws; and it is “Okay” to

expect that nothing can ever be perfect; it is only God who

is perfect. Where there is possible conflict, a clear-headed

restaurateur will intervene, and do the right thing and

because of competence they will also be able to screen off,

and deal with any perceived deceitfulness. If you never want

to come back, be warned; we, too, might not want you back,

and the feeling might be mutual. Only God is perfect, not

you nor the restaurant owner.

THE MYTH OF PERFECTION

“This human vision, this quest for more, bigger, faster and better is not

the perfection in God’s dictionary. Muslim carpet weavers come closer

to the ideal of Godly perfection. They deliberately incorporate a flaw

into each work of art that they create. Only God Is Flawless.

So, they do not strive for flawlessness, they strive instead, for beauty.”

– Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu from Made for

Goodness.

“I am a perfectionist”, we listen to people assert incessantly.

Restaurateurs and their patrons are notably privy to this

nuance, and the restaurant itself is an ideal nourishing

setting. How, then, can we achieve style and grace without

the façade of being perfect?

Back in my working days, I had just had a successful

conference for a pharmaceutical company for which I was

working as a medical representative. Within the first hour of

my four-hour drive back to Johannesburg, I received a

phone call. The pharmacy assistant wanted to know the

number of cups, saucers and side plates that were brought

in for the event. After politely indicating that I had no idea,

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I enquired why he was asking me, and he said, “Well,

because you are the caterer.”

Earlier that morning, the chief pharmacist had raised her

concern about the floor plan and flow of the event. The

caterer and event coordinator did not seem to understand

her, she had confided. Even though my portfolio was

outside of these logistics (mine was conference facilitator

and pharmaceutical product detailing), she asked if I could

intervene.

I had been asked to intervene and ended up doing the job

so well, (a job that had nothing to do with my designation,)

that the hospital staff had thought I was the caterer. “The

need to be perfect had turned me into a control extremist.

What a control fanatic I had become,” it had suddenly

struck me.

On another occasion, still working as a medical

representative, I had submitted a budget proposal for one

of the key accounts that I was managing. And, as a follow

up, I had asked my boss as to when I could expect the

budget to be approved.

“Well, Eunice, with you, it will be immediate,” he had

replied. “You must understand that I trust you so much that,

even if you ask me to put my head on a block to chop it off

and promise to put it back again, I think I will do it because

I believe in you,” my boss had added, jokingly.

This was the most petrifying thing anyone had ever said to

me, about me, and was even spine-chilling. I now knew,

without a doubt, that I was consumed by the need to be

perfect. “This does not feel right,” I had thought to myself,

and continued to live my life the same way for the next ten

to fifteen years, and I have been executing this in a most

impressive manner, always, I may add. I have always done

what most people with concealed issues do; which is also

said to be an exaggerated social behaviour.

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I never had my birthday celebrated as a child, as an adult it

has always been in the intimacy of my children.

Approaching the big “five-oh”, 50, I suddenly felt like

having a party, and the thought was exciting.

On the morning of the party, and already in a celebratory

mood, I was going about the weekend preparation routine

for the hectic restaurant lunch sitting, attending to a client.

This client was one of our service providers and a person I

had also come to be friends with.

In the middle of our conversation, my husband juts in and

talks to me, and does this in an awfully discourteous

manner. As I reviewed the disconcerting moment, I

suddenly realised this was a common scene in the privacy of

our home. But this was the first time it had happened in

public.

A while back before this disturbing occurrence, one of our

best and most senior waiters had a misunderstanding with a

client, and I was called in, to intervene. I cannot recall the

details of the discussion, but I remember – clearly – the final

response and exit of the patron.

Calling me to the side as soon as the waiter had left, he had

snapped: “I am a regular patron of this establishment and my dining

experience here has always been pleasant, and the food has always been

enjoyable. However, I am disappointed in you as the owner and

manager in the fact that your employee speaks so disrespectfully to you

in front of me, the customer. I want you to know that I am seriously

considering my patronage.”

After the patron had said this, he stormed out.

“I have lost my self-worth and dignity,” I had realised,

suddenly, with deep sadness! After the client (service

provider) had left, I did something completely out of my

element.

In a composed manner, I had requested a meeting with my

husband in the office, during the restaurant break, and

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before the dinner sitting. Then, politely, I had explained the

new terms of reference, chief among which was respect. We

negotiated a new and better way of speaking to each other.

It was completely out of character for me to speak up and

face up, boldly, to the matters at hand. “It must be turning

fifty,” I had said to myself, reflecting.

Thankfully, this incident had forced me to have the long

overdue heart-to-heart talk with myself, and to openly

examine and make an inventory of significant events in my

life (both good and bad).

The journey took another ten years before I could finally

find myself at age sixty. I had to be real and honest, and step

out of denial. I was in an unhealthy situation, and had been

for a long time. This courageous account took me out of the

“blaming” mode, and had enabled me to become

accountable for my part in all the various occurrences in my

life, and in how I had turned out to be the person that I had

become. The good character traits that came through this

particular audit have since cushioned and saved me from

drowning. As I got rid of the negative character traits, my

life began to be refurbished, using the reformed traits as

building blocks.

Unresolved issues breed resentment and anger, resulting in

unexplained violent outbursts, often leaving those around

you, baffled. Sadly, I had become that person!

Obsession with covering up – on the other hand – clouds

reasoning. Usually, the results are disastrous; especially

when one tends to neglect critical matters, ignoring

concerns of those who love and care for you. You get

caught up in the realm of scheming and deceit. As you

engage in this dance (dancing with the devil, so to speak),

then – slowly – your personality changes, and you become

that which you had always been opposing. To the outside

world, you look crazy. To numb the pain, you overindulge;

this may be expressed through food, alcohol, prescription

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or over-the-counter medication, materialism or anything

that gives you solace. The addiction is subtle and appealing.

In the restaurant environment, you look amazing as you

wine and dine in the name of entertainment, while skillfully

hiding the alcohol abuse in the name of things looking

picture-perfect.

In the realm of unattended matters things are not really what

they seem to be; yet, life must go on, as per normal. The

daily strife is not so much dealing with whatever has

transpired, but – rather – dealing with the burden of putting

up a façade. Of course – sooner or later – like an abscess,

the unresolved matters create a wound that bursts and

contaminates the life of the many innocent people around

you, making them casualties of your life, left to live life

functioning from the position of being wounded.

The two life-changing incidences above brought my walls

of perfection crumbling down and left me in the reality of

my imperfect life. When we cease to try and be perfect, the

conversations become authentic, and life goes on with all

the flaws in situ.

To create a perfect environment, we get trapped and buried

in the notion that more of anything is better: more glasses,

more cutlery, and more serviettes. When we are distracted

from the basics of being hospitable, we get concerned about

the insignificant and menial. We need a knife! A knife to

chop small things; a knife to chop big things, a knife with

pointed blades, square-edged knives, lightweight and heavy

weight knives, the list goes on and on. A knife for every

ingredient in the kitchen. We concern ourselves with things

that do not really matter, to make the business work;

ignoring what really needs to be fixed, like the “internals” of

our personal lives, which we bring into the business. The

systems will not fall in place when there is no order in our

personal space.

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In Fourways, Johannesburg in the hub of entertainment and

eateries, snuggles an elegant, petite coffee shop, and the

place is buzzing, which is typical of a Friday evening. The

smell of coffee is alluring, but – sadly – a cup of coffee is

not an option for me.

I was there for a different reason. I had been invited to see

if I could offer any support to the owner. This was the last

day of trade, and, by the next morning, the place would be

closed down. However, as it is often the case with

restaurants that are about to close down, there was no sign

whatsoever to indicate the calamity that was brewing.

Indeed, the restaurant closed the following day; as if it had

not been trading just a few hours before; and taking no

prisoners.

A few kilometers away from the shopping centre, at another

entertainment hub amid the serene suburban homes, nestles

a steakhouse, best known for many a fine dining

masterpiece. The owners share with me the devastating

news that the establishment might not be available to

service the Christmas patronage. As we are talking, a regular

guest interrupted, complimenting them on the fine dining

experience, and also confirming her booking for Sunday

lunch. Over drinks I spent time with the couple after their

cash-up routine, as they share the heartache over their

seemingly delightful little gem, but which was soon to be no

more – another restaurant going down, and taking no

prisoners, once again.

My heart goes out to them as I am taken back to my days at

my own restaurant on Grayston Drive in Sandton,

Johannesburg; but I couldn’t offer any advice. One must

understand that, while I am also still caught up in the façade

of the business, nothing I would have said would have made

any sense. So, I didn’t even try, but I had continue to offer

myself for emotional support.

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As I do research for my publishing work, I am always on

the lookout for places where I can have a quiet meal and a

glass of wine, while I am doing my research. I found one –

a child-friendly eatery within a walking distance of my

imperfect life – and the manager and supervisor warm up to

my patronage.

I am an easy guest because I work on my laptop while my

granddaughter, Aminah, plays across the playroom, not

concerned about the intricacies of restaurant rituals. But the

irregularities in this place distress me; more so because the

owner never comes to the restaurant, the manager tells me,

relaxed and confident.

My heart sinks with each visit to the eatery, as I notice the

depth and extent of various misdeeds, indicating that the

owner is being taken to the cleaners, with shrinkages and

point of sale maneuvers being part of the nightmare. I end

up telling myself that, by the time the owner makes it right

and gives the business equal attention with his other

restaurant, it will be on the eve of closing – yet another

restaurant shut-down looming. My heart grieves silently for

the owner. Eventually, as I could not take it any longer, so I

had stopped patronising this restaurant, angry with myself

for being helpless.

A restaurant is more of a space than a place, and when we

are upgrading, we tend to concentrate more on the

equipment and furniture, rather than focusing on enhancing

the space. It is for this reason that most restaurants’ die

while they are at the peak of their expected performance;

new furniture and all! Because, in fact – besides the furniture

and equipment – nothing else changes. When we were

converting the restaurant from a predominant Portuguese

theme to a chic, stylish place with a jazzy feel, the brief from

the consulting team was to, “Remove, remove, and remove

some more!” Even though the Portuguese-themed walls

were vibrant and dazzling with the designer’s

recommendation of “less is more”, the walls and

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decorations had to go; and, ultimately, table setting pieces

were fewer and the menu unambiguous. With these changes

in place, the focus moved away from the whims of the

paraphernalia, to food and beverages. Once that area was

given the focus it had deserved, the guests’ attention moved

to the music, which had become more relaxed and pleasant.

The old kitchen equipment was donated to Naledi High

Heritage School in Soweto for cooking meals for the

learners.

TABLE TALKER

For the front of house to deliver, the back of the house’

systems need to be in place, and for everyone to be at their

posts. God has created and wired us differently, and has

imbued us with unique skills and capabilities. Our abilities

are the natural talents which we have been born with. Some

people have the natural ability with words, so they make

good salespeople. Other people have a naturally strong

physical ability, so they can – almost effortlessly – do heavy

work. Still, others are good in artistic creativity and skills.

When we understand our assorted giftedness as gifts from

God, we will be able to use our crafts for the greater good,

without feeling that one is more important than the other.

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Six

Back Of House

The Heart Of The

Restaurant

Most prominent chefs are self-made; yet, to be able

to compete in the economy of the country, the

industry still needs to produce well-trained

professionals.

“Chefs can make an impact on people’s lives with their

skills, and this goes beyond just pure pleasure on the plate.”

– Gissur Gudmundsson, President of the World

Association of Chefs.

T

HE ROLE OF THE CHEF

African cuisine is a broad landscape of cooking

that has evolved, greatly. As young chefs emerge

and take to the industry, they add innovative

ideas to local cuisine, with pride and dignity. Due to food

trends, this career has increasingly become popular.

Positions in the industry are diverse; from the creative crew,

to management or administrative line-up. This is

determined by where he may rank in the kitchen hierarchy.

The Executive Chef oversees the complete operation of a

restaurant, creating the menu and theme of the enterprise.

The Sous Chef assists with administrative tasks, in support of

the head chef. He is also responsible for the appointment

and dismissal of junior chefs, as well the upkeep of their

work rosters.

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The Line Chef is usually assigned to execute duties like

prepping food ingredients or baking. So individuals

interested in a culinary career are therefore required to go

through technical training at a culinary institute.

A Professional Association, on the other hand, is an

organisation that is formed to unite and inform people who

work in the same industry. Training and certification of

mastering a diverse range of culinary skills helps members

to earn better. Professional organisations make such courses

accessible at reduced cost for members, and also does the

work of establishing the acceptance of their credits by

licensing boards.

Journals and newsletters published by professional

organisations provide opportunities for members to polish

their written and spoken communication skills, and to

expound on, or learn about various advances in their field.

Access to industry information and research resources is

another reason people join professional organisations.

Even professional organisations that hire administrative

staff or conference coordinators present and, or volunteer

opportunities for, and to their members. Committee

positions and working behind the scenes in an

organisation’s special event or fundraiser setup provides

one with the chance to learn and practice management and

leadership skills that improve one’s personal career.

Conducting a workshop or discussing your work at a

conference that might have been sponsored by your

professional organisation offers practice for one to become

adept at communicating in an effective manner, as well as

building a reputation in your field.

Distributing programmes and introducing other speakers

also builds confidence in your ability to meet different

people and to interact competitively with the public.

Professional organisations provide valuable, expert input in

public debates about policies that would affect members of

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that profession, whether these are proposed by a

government entity or an industry-guiding body.

Meeting, mingling with and getting to know others in your

field provides you with the priceless opportunity to get your

face and your résumé in front of prospective employers and

resource suppliers in a relaxed atmosphere. Attending local

and national meetings and conferences reveals your

commitment to excellence in your profession, and also

introduces you to the other players.

These events also help you to keep up with the latest trends,

developments, new products, vendors and potential

opportunities to enhance your career and mentor others.

Membership in a professional organisation also serves as an

effective marketing tool, indicating to others of your

professional commitment to potential clients and reassures

them of your competency and willingness to stay informed

of the latest developments in your field.

In industries – primarily those that are populated by selfemployed

practitioners – such as restaurant owners and

caterers, joining a professional organisation offers access to

group insurance and discounts on goods and services.

THE CHEF’S TABLE

This is an event that has been designed as an indulgence for

dining connoisseurs. It offers the rare opportunity to be

welcomed into the restaurant’s inner sanctuary – the kitchen

– to enjoy memorable tastes and conversations hosted by

the Head Chef. The patrons are taken behind the scenes to

observe the buzz of the dinner-hour preparations, where

they will also enjoy a glass of red wine with hors d’oeuvres,

followed by a selection of main signature dishes.

The idea of the Chefs Table is also for the host chef to

interact with the table, presenting the food dishes to the

table, himself, and allowing the diners to learn more about

the dishes, their various components, and preparation.

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At my previous restaurant, the African Jazz Café, the Chef’s

Table was hosted on the first Sunday of the month, and the

table was placed, slap-bang, in the kitchen, creating an

enhanced ambience. Such specialised events provide an

authentic feel for the restaurant industry. For us, the Chef’s

Table was a vehicle for us to promote authentic South

African cuisine.

It began with a kitchen tour, to see what was prepared at

each station. After booking a corporate or private

celebratory table, I would always close off the deal by taking

the client on a tour to the bar and the approximately 300sqm

kitchen, using this opportunity to introduce them to the

chef and the other members of the team.

The Fourways restaurant, African Cuisine – on the other

hand – had two kitchens, an enclosed one downstairs, and

an open setting, upstairs, thus making the Chef’s Table an

almost daily experience.

The single most important factor in the food industry is the

level of service. Your service staff are the most important

marketing tools, as these people represent the front of the

business to the purchasing public. Only specially identified

people who commit themselves to the code of service,

conduct and ethics of the business are most likely to be

employed on a long-term basis. Employees are trained, not

only in their specific operational duties, but also in the

philosophy and applications of the establishment’s core

business model.

Such people are also given extensive information and kept

informed of any minor, to major changes. Weekly meetings

are held to ensure smooth running of the business.

At the African Jazz Café, the features were as follows: 140

seats of 30 tables; ten full-time waiters and one front-ofhouse

manager; one Executive Chef, one Sous Chef and

two line chefs; four kitchen assistants and two cleaners; one

barrister. The Sous chef was a meticulous lady, who was

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always on time, and her organisational skills were

impeccable. And, being the Sous Chef, who was responsible

for executing the orders, these attributes were her greatest

strength.

Hold On, We Have A Booking...

The private banqueting room was never without a

reservation; it was our bread and butter, as it were. Serving

an À la Carte menu required that each course had to be

served without anything going awry. The sous chef nailed it

consistently, from start to finish, and she was truly reliant.

For the daily walk-ins, she really excelled.

Her orders came out at the prescribed time, and her

consistency regarding the texture, taste and flavour of each

meal was adequately sustained. She could step up to the

plate at any given time, and was a true asset to the business.

She got the orders flowing and, therefore, got the business

running smoothly. But, regrettably, she was lacking in

interpersonal skills. All her good service came at a price, and

this was at a cost of the staff’s morale.

Abuse and insults were frequently hurled at the other

employees; and, worst of all, this used to occur in front of

guests (suppliers and maintenance workers) and front-ofdesk

colleagues. The male staff walked around like they were

emasculated, whilst the women walked around with

burdened hearts.

All this time, it was business as usual and money was coming

in. Yet my spirit was aching for the staff. Hurting souls hurt

others, aggrieved hearts grieve others, and tormented spirits

torment others. Unbeknown to herself, the chef – just like

me – was functioning from a deep-rooted pain; and this was

playing out through how she related to her team. With the

drama of my own personal life – sadly – I could not help

the chef; and the more I had tried, the more injury I had

caused her; and I had bruised her, quite badly.

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The mission statement for the restaurant was:

“The restaurant’s goal is that of a multifaceted success. Our

first responsibility is to the financial well-being of the

restaurant. We will meet these while trying to ensure that

diners frequent the restaurant on a regular basis, knowing

that each visit will be a pleasurable and memorable

experience; that we offer excellent cuisine and service from the

middle to upper class diner and corporate groups; and a

happy, favourable, opportune environment for our staff to

work in. Including incentives and weekly training sessions.”

In having failed the chef, I had also failed the other workers

by not having an effective solution in the kitchen; but I was

also failing part of the mission of the business; the business

I so cared for. I was failing to create an environment where

all employees could participate with a sense of satisfaction,

accomplishment and pride.

Alan Jones, author of Passion for Pilgrimage, sums up –

accurately – the self-analysis of an effective administrator:

“I have to face up to the choice between good and evil and admit my

responsibility in the evils of the world. I am convinced that such probing

is part of the honest work of love. It is an experience of zeal. It is that

which drives me to my knees. The more we are able to face our own

capacity for the evil, the less likely we are to spread the disease.”

The situation with the chef forced me to do a self-analysis,

just like Alan Jones asserts. As I had recognised and

acknowledged my own wickedness, and began to make

changes in my life, I began to feel compassion for the chef.

Gradually, healing started tiptoeing in. As I healed from my

own hurts and bruises, I was then able to speak justly in

situations, and to others, while nursing them and myself

back to health.

Sadly, just the idea that others are capable of evil or

wrongdoing is repulsive to most people. They would rather

not do it; that is, to acknowledge their own wickedness, and

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would still wonder why the circumstances in their lives were

not changing. A healthy and properly growing person

accepts the human condition of weakness. People are

mistake makers; “that is why they put erasers on pencils”.

Healthy and maturing people also engage in healthy

conversations, because they are willing to be open and

sincere in their conversations. They not only talk about the

good side of their lives, but also tackle the weak and

wounded sides of their lives.

A father walks into the restaurant and orders a Portuguese

steak with a cold beer. After paying his bill, he calls for

management and says: “I have a son who is an experienced

chef, who was recently retrenched due to the closing down

of the restaurant where he was working. I promise you; my

son can deliver; please just meet him.”

I must say; the pitch was much more impressive than I am

making it out to be, at the time. Indeed, the chef whose

father was selling to me was a graduate from one of the

most outstanding hotel schools and had been privileged to

have worked at a prestigious restaurant in the Sandton

neighborhood, which sadly had to close down. He was an

enthusiastic, well-spoken chef, and – fittingly – part of his

role was to interact with guests; something that he was

familiar with from his previous company.

“When you are in the restaurant business, your

personal life is non-existent.”

Your personal life, though, is a huge sacrifice that many

people in the restaurant business must make, which is why

the business works better if it is run like a family business.

Sadly, though, this admirable new member of the team was

not willing to compromise his personal life, and we had to

release him.

“Dad, the chicken is not right, you have to come and sort it

out.” Mothei interrupts as we get ready to welcome the

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guests. This day was a big day for us. The restaurant was

being launched as the African Jazz Café, and was the

culmination of the work that had taken us over a year to

accomplish.

The bank was impressed with our pitch to relaunch and

convert the joint from a Portuguese to African Cuisineoriented

establishment; and the loan had been approved in

no time. Pulling all the stops, a team was set up, with my

daughter, Mothei, as the marketing and public relations

professional for the new venture.

A restaurant designer had been enlisted to train us on

restaurant aesthetics. A graphic designer was supposed to

incorporate the theme into the menu, and a Cordon Bleu

chef from the Blue Train crew had come to help us formulate

the menu I had created and presented for the pitch. And,

finally, there was an Executive Chef on board to collaborate

and present the menu as part of the new business direction.

On this day, we were going to deviate a little from our menu

as had been recommended by the Executive Chef.

We had 140 guests who were representing local businesses

that were always eager to support us, and these had included

the Sandton Tourism Association, wine company Distell, who

had also collaborated with us on the wine list and whisky

tasting.

Entertainment had featured our resident jazz pianist and

African drummers from the Alexandra Tourism Association

now, Greater Alexandra Tourism and Heritage Association

(GATHA). The Grayston Shopping Center had come alive

on this Friday afternoon. The Greater Alexandra Tourism

and Heritage Association is the custodian of one of the

houses, where former state president Nelson Mandela had

stayed. Reflecting on this period, Madiba had this to say

about this home: “After a brief time with my cousin (Mr. Walter

Sisulu), I arranged to move in with the Reverend J. Mabutho of the

Anglican Church at his home in Eighth Avenue in Alexandra

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Township. Reverend Mabutho was a fellow Thembu, a friend of my

family, and a generous God-fearing man. As a Thembu who knew my

family, Reverend Mabutho felt responsible for me. ‘Our ancestors have

taught us to share,’ he once told me. I then found accommodation with

his next-door neighbors, the Xhoma family. Mr. Xhoma was one of

an elite handful of African landowners in Alexandra. His house was

small, particularly as he had six children, but it was pleasant, with a

veranda and a tiny garden.” P24 Long Walk To Freedom, Nelson

Mandela

Back To The Kitchen…

The situation is indeed urgent, the chicken has no flavour,

none whatsoever, and it is the entrée. “It would be wrong

for us to serve our guests this chicken”, my husband

forewarns. The crisis was more on the fact that the chef

refused to allow my husband, who was in charge as the back

of house manager; to fix the problem.

Besides being responsible for quality control, he had a

natural flair for flavour and taste, and was highly talented

and experienced in this area. After a long debate with the

chef, my husband finally relented as the chef insisted on

serving the chicken. Let me also mention that this was no

fly-by-night chef. This was a professional who had been in

the industry for a long time and a lecturer, as well as

someone who had worked as an experienced chef in many

upmarket restaurants. He had been commissioned on good

merits. On this occasion, however, his ego stood in the way

and he could not reason properly.

The launch went ahead without a hitch and, as soon as the

guests had left, an urgent meeting was convened by the

chairman of the board of directors for the following week.

The agenda for the meeting was straightforward; besides the

post-analysis of the event and the way forward, more to the

point, there was the question of who was responsible for the

chicken fiasco, and – most importantly – who had

authorised it to be served?

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Regrettably, the chef was later released from his services.

This was regrettable because I had grown fond of him as a

team member, and – also – I had learned a lot from him.

What’s more, he had excellent people skills, which was

something I had lacked, and I had needed him around, to

keep the restaurant team intact. As a lecturer in culinary arts

at one of South Africa’s prestigious schools, he had ensured

that in-service training was relevant to the needs of what we

were trying to achieve with the new direction of the

restaurant, thus reinforcing on safe food preparation and

storage, and on proper cooking; as well as emphasising on

the selection and use of knives, pastry making, ideal mealaccompanying

sauces and soups, as well as organising

promotions and themed events. He also oversaw the

costing of menus; and attending to health and safety issues;

the list goes on.

The most critical thing I had learned from him was;

“How to handle offensive actions without being

offensive, myself.’’

He treated the kitchen staff with great respect (despite their

shenanigans) without cursing or the use of foul language, a

deplorable trait that has, sadly, become a norm in the

industry.

This chef also had a clean sense of humor and had brought

joy to the kitchen, something I had been longing for. His

flair for teaching had also made it easy for the workers to

embrace the vision of the company; the “buy-in”, as it were.

The staffers’ spirits were not only revived in following

orders and working as part of the team, but also in stepping

up to the plate to delegate and take charge, whenever this

was required. The most significant lesson for the front-ofhouse,

however, was the chef’s 15 key points’ training

exercise, which had been designed to maintain the service

levels at an all-time high; what I had chosen to call “The

Drill”.

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However, it is the numbers, the figures, and – mainly – the

food costing that had bonded us together, as we had the task

of turning around the restaurant figures after the

renovations, a skill that had come, intuitively, to me. Of

course, my experience in sales as a pharmaceutical

representative had also helped, a lot. Costing in the

hospitality business is critical; it is the deal breaker. To this

day, I hold the chef closely to the memories of my heart.

And then there was the Cordon Bleu Chef…

He was a “no-measurements” man; obsession with

measurements was his pet peeve. My own obsession with

measurements was a big irritation to him. The Cordon Bleu

Chef brought in a wealth of experience, especially as

someone who had been one of the Blue Train’s creative

team’s key members. Bringing humility to sophistication, he

always took us back to the basics. To speed up the time of

food orders, he had developed a much more productive

system of food prepping. Intuitively and almost instantly,

the chef had recognised that I was extremely skilled at

putting my own stamp on traditional dishes, creating new

combinations and experimenting with new flavours. So, he

had encouraged me to do so with gusto, without any

misgivings. He was fascinated by the passion I had for the

restaurant business, South African cuisine and for the

infusion of local ingredients in universally known recipes.

He became one more person in the list of the most pivotal

individuals to have crossed the path of my life. The designer

had taught me about shades of colours and how to make

these speak to the menu and the myriad anticipated themes.

The word “tone” took on a whole different meaning, as we

gave the restaurant a new character. Working with this

graphic designer had also taught me true innovation. My

interactions with her had also equipped and empowered me

with creativity, and her positive influence has impacted my

work in book design, layout and production in my present

work as a publisher.

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The back of the house is also entails housekeeping. Which

means a place for everything, and everything in its place, all

the time. With no upkeep, chaos ensues and disorder

manifest in all areas of life-including your personal life.

TABLE TALKER

“The higher purpose of clutter clearing is to help clear the debris that

prevents us from connecting to the high spiritual realms from whence we

came and to which we will return. It is all too easy to lose the plot down

here, get immersed in materialism, and come to believe that this world

is all there is, when in fact being here is only a short interlude in the

spiritual journey each of us is on. Clutter clearing in all its forms helps

to restore clarity and simplicity. When you keep around you just the

things you need for your personal journey instead of burdening yourself

with things that obscure your way and hold you back, it makes it much

easier for you to connect with your spiritual path. And when you have

the sense of peace and purpose that comes with that, you will never feel

the need for clutter again.*” – Karen Kingston, Clear Your

Clutter.

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Seven

House Keeping

Decluttering

The Bible is not silent on matters of hygiene and

cleanliness. Concerned about the prevention of

infection and disease, GOD – in his interaction

with the children of Israel – gave hygiene, neatness

and sanitation careful attention. – Deuteronomy

23:9-14.

This chapter is dedicated to Chef Sinah, the first chef I had

worked with in 2005 in Sandton. Originally from North

West, Mafikeng, Sinah administered the kitchen

meticulously, like a well-trained soldier, and with high

standards of hygiene.

A

BOUT HOUSEKEEPING

It is your surroundings that speak louder than

your eloquent words and immaculate appearance.

Besides being a poor reflection of one’s work

ethic; this also lowers the morale of the people who must

function, daily, in a messy, disorderly work environment;

although they may not be aware of the cause. This is an

issue that is commonly undermined, yet it has drastic longterm

consequences. God, our creator, has set us an

example of how we should live; first, through the

surroundings, and secondly, through the laws of hygiene.

It is ungodly to be in poor hygienic conditions.

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The restaurant, African Jazz Café, which had been located

in the heart of Sandton, was enjoying an accreditation from

the Tourism Grading Council; and the local authority had

issued a merited health certificate; and, also, great reviews

were coming our way; and this had been based, mainly, on

the respectable standard of hygiene that we had

maintained.

My nursing background had certainly come in handy and

we had impressed the authorities and guests, alike as far as

hygiene was concerned. The restaurant even prided itself in

monthly kitchen excursions and expositions for our regular

guests. Given the above, the consultants’ tantrums did not

make sense to me... until later. When the core of your life

is out of order, your surroundings cannot be in order; the

two are interrelated.

CLUTTER

The word clutter is from the Middle English “clutter” which

means to coagulate. When something coagulates, it takes

another form and shape, serving a different purpose. In

medical terms, coagulating means forming a clot. A clot is

something doctors dread (except where it stops bleeding), a

deadly hazard waiting to happen. The Thesaurus, in

explaining clutter, pops out words like “mess”, “litter”,

“disorder”, “confusion”, “untidiness” and “chaos”.

Why We Keep Clutter

There are many reasons why we keep clutter; and, in most

cases, we are not even aware of our state of chaos. Even

when we might be aware, but may not be ready to deal with

what might be uncovered underneath the mess, we refuse

to acknowledge our chaotic existence, and we become

ardent “clutter apologetics”.

This begins with “things” being attached to “things” –

emotionally and physically – and, in time, these “things”

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start to occupy your space and, before long, the space is not

enough for you and the “things” – then, before you know

it, disorder ensues. Sooner or later, the “things” begin to

dictate your life, and you start keeping things that you do

not necessarily need, but which you think you might need

in the future. (Some of these things you do not have a clue

as to what they are supposed to be used for, and how they

work). At this point, your life is now exhibiting symptoms

of your physical chaos through your cluttered emotional and

spiritual spaces. For me, the untidiness , somehow covered

up the immorality in my marriage.

I had done what a lot of people in my situation do, through

an exaggerated social behaviour, the intentions of which

may be good and justified. And I used to get involved in

anything and everything that could distract me from the

reality of my own life. I accumulated and surrounded myself

with grandeur and opulence. The more things I had, the

better I had felt, no end. Underneath all this, my life was

rotting away; with matters not being addressed.

A life of silence and concealment, in its organic nature, is

evil, and – inevitably – it harms everybody, including the

very person you may think you are protecting. And, the

more you protect wickedness, the more you enable the

other person to do one wrong after another; and, the more

the situation becomes more harmful. A life of mysteries and

secrets perpetuates immorality; which is a phenomenon that

took me years to understand. For some, accumulating

things might be seen as assuming a sense of power; a type

of power that distracts you from dealing with what is really

going on in your life, and ignoring the fact that;

“If you do not deal with what is going on, it will always

come back.”

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How Clutter Plays Out in Our Lives

Mobile banqueting was a major part of our business model,

and had exposed us to a lot of people in their organic

settings. Experiences varied, and some of these were greatly

influenced by the guests’ extent of attachment to things;

somehow meaning that you disappear from their radar and

become part of their objects of value, which define them

and their space, giving meaning to their lives. Such hosts’,

have a mental stock-taking list running in their minds, all the

time, and the update of this list consumes them as they add

more “things” to their “things”. And, should any of the

things be displaced, then drama ensues, ever so often, and

this occurs at a cost, including relationships. The main

feature of their decorative spaces are the cupboards, and

more cupboards; for storage, and more storage; with

clogged rooms filled to maximum capacity – with “things”,

among which are people, who have been hurt, deeply.

On this occasion, the restaurant was hosting a private

banquet, onsite, and the event seems to be well-organised

and flowing according to plan. On the last day of the site

inspection I realise that the hostess’s focus on the event is

not balanced. A hefty portion of the budget is on

equipment. In addition to all the things that she has in her

storeroom, she hires more equipment and, sadly, I am

unable to stop her. The result is, the service levels were likely

to become compromised, which would adversely affect the

flow of the event. After long hours of hard work, most of

which was outside of our agreement, the event goes ahead

and we finally go home. As I am relaxing at home I get a

hysterical phone call from the hostess. I must have taken

one of her gadgets by mistake; or; if it was not me, it might

be my workers, she cried out. I decided to go check if the

item was there, or if it was true that it had been taken.

Following a polite explanation, I had then promise to get

back to her as soon as I have checked (our agreement was

not for us to bring equipment, but rather for her to use her

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own, so there was nothing for us to pack away). Hysteria

had heightened as I had respond with this answer. With a

broken heart, she subsequently related to me how much the

equipment meant to her and how she had struggled to

source this from the supplier.

The night before, during our prep, her concern had been

about relatives that had to be watched and discouraged from

taking extra portions of food. Even then, her mind was

going into a stock-taking mode that was already consuming

her. It was awfully heart-breaking to witness this setback.

Thankfully, she later found the items in her own storeroom.

Suddenly, it had dawned to me that a few years before, I was

just like her!

Clutter affects us in different ways. In this instance, it had

clogged the host’s thoughtfulness and ability to appreciate

life. Worst of all, it was distracting her from important

things, and leading her towards focusing on mundane

matters, instead, meaning that – somehow – clutter was

holding her captive. The payback for material attachment is

the enormous pleasure and honour which these “things”

seemingly bestow on us, demanding attention as they salute

us, each time we walk by. This attachment is counteracted

with misguided giving as an antidote; whereas giving, in

essence, is the transferring of possessions, not discarding of

possessions; you give what you value.

For others, the reason for attachment might be a sense of

character and importance; and I call such people “egotists”.

These people are pleasant to be around, as they enjoy an

audience. They find any excuse in the world to have a show,

and take pleasure from the “production”. This “show” from

these “egotists” could include shopping, buying, asking for

quotations, and for measurements to more buying. The

production takes priority over everything else, including

squandering the things that matter most. As their dinner

guests, you become part of the exhibition and spectacle.

They would love to offer you a cup of tea or a glass of water,

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but the tour and presentation consumes them. As with any

destination, their home is governed by self-made rules and

regulations. Access is limited by boundaries; meaning that

guests are welcome, but provided they fulfil the

requirements of the house rules. In welcoming their guests,

they are short of mentioning the dress code, right of

admission and all the other house rules typical of a business

place. Their worth is in their passion; and, outside of these

things, they don’t really know who they are, but – still – like

typical Naked Emperors, they feel successful and secure.

DECLUTTERING

Over a cup of tea, one morning, I asked my mother what

she would like me to do for her in maximising my stay with

her (unbeknown to me, our stay was going to last more than

a year, the last year of her 84 years, I may add).

“I would like for you to arrange my home as beautifully as

you usually do with your places (home and businesses),” she

had said. Then, she had added, “Create a space for me that

will be enjoyed by everybody who walks into my home.”

Puzzled by the emphasis on the term, “everybody”, I had

asked her as to what she might have meant. “You see,

Eunice, in this house, the only people that are welcome and

made to feel at home are the people I go to church with,

and only people with that kind of spiritual moral high

ground. It has been like this for all my life, and I would like

to change that.”

She had explains further, “I would like for my neighbours

to also come in, and to feel welcome and enjoy a cup of tea;

and I would like for them to be served the way you serve

me. I would like for them to experience being waited upon;

and I would like to be able to give their children a cookie

when they turn up in my yard.” My mother had then

continued painting the picture of this type of a seemingly

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drastically transformed home that she was desiring, and

most longingly so.

Then, in response, I had said, “I get the picture, Mme. The

only thing is that, for me to be able to create this space for

you, we will need to clean up. Will you be willing for me to

do that? Remember how, previously, you and Ntate (Dad)

had stopped Aus’ Monki from cleaning up the house?”

Coolly, my mother had said, reassuringly, “Do not worry,

Eunice; I am past that, now. Just do as I say.”

Touched by my mother’s request, I had then embarked on

the unprecedented home make-over. The “spring-cleaning”

goes without a hitch, and soon my mother’s home is clean,

with lots of light shining through wide open curtains. Oh!

Curtains, we must mention curtains. There is something

about some people and curtains with dark homes. Open the

curtains, and it is woe unto you! Yet, my mother had

rejoiced in the opened curtains and the light that permeated

her home. The dining room and bedroom became my

mother’s favourite spaces. Like a queen, she rested during

the day with the door open, so she could invite her guests

in. In case she did not want to get out of bed, she says to

me, with a smile – like how it was at my sister’s home – my

mother’s dining table was always set, and thus ready to serve

a meal. This was her pride and joy. The kitchen table was

permanently set for my mother’s early morning tea and sour

porridge breakfast, which she cooked for herself, daily, until

her passing – a year later.

To sustain the new changes, with the help of my elder sister,

Monki, we drew up a cleaning programme and a weekly

menu. And the helper went through a two-week orientation

on the new schedule. Clearing clutter had transformed my

mother’s existence in her final years. The courage to let go,

(looking back) I came to realise that, was more of a spiritual

cleansing than a physical one. With the clutter having been

removed, a new space had emerged in my mother’s home

and sincere conversations set off. She was in tune with

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herself and knew, clearly, what she wanted and needed, and

was now seeing things clearly, and simply. My mother now

had an admirable sense of peace, and had also began to

connect to God in a way that she never knew she could. She

basically had what I could summarize as a “Spiritual

Transformation”.

Untidiness, like any evil, is something we like to cling to.

Yet, we know that, like any evil, clutter, dirt and dark places

without light are not healthy for us; nevertheless, we get

upset and rebellious when cleanliness is brought into our

lives. My mother took the plunge, though, and I salute her

for that. Getting started might be overwhelming; so one

should consider the following information before you begin

de-cluttering and cleansing your space. In an average twobedroom,

one-bathroom home, the average clutter per

room is as follows:

For the storage rooms, garage, outside rooms and garden

shed – 37%;

Kitchen – 25%;

Bedrooms – 20%;

Dining room and lounge – 10%;

Bathroom – 5%;

Behind the doors and entrance – 3%.

The kitchen, which is part of the living space, is the heart of

any home. It is around food that our true emotions emerge,

setting the tone of the flow of the mood and temperament

of the household. It is in the heat of the kitchen that our

personalities melt, and where our feelings get unfrozen;

meaning that it is the site of the unfinished, stale discussions

that have been left in the fridge for a long time, where these

begin to smell; and where past speculations come crawling

out of the drawers. Therefore, the kitchen is an ideal place

to start decluttering; to get the emotions out of the way,

before you get to the core of the clutter. The 37% of space

that has been mentioned above, is the space in which you

are going to have to deal with archived matters of your life

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– those that have been lingering in the fridge, freezer and

cupboards for a while.

Be ready for some emotional overflow that comes with the

purging. Like a course of detoxification, it is unbearable

while it lasts with enormous rewards later. Establish a

manageable routine first, for an example; so, once a week,

you should seek to effect a decluttering of the fridge and

cleaning materials’ cupboards. Do not take out everything

to the center and create another centralised and cluttered

area, as this will set you back. While unpacking, create a

recycling flow of mini containers or bags, and label these,

according to how you want to dispose of, and manage the

clutter.

TABLE TALKER

“While many fear “real” it is the unreal conversation that should scare

us to death. Unreal conversations are expensive for the individual and

families. No one has to change; but everyone has to have the

conversation.” – Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations.

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Eight

Flavors And Family

Conversations

As I juggled to prepare the Prawns, Mogodu, Lamb

Shanks and a numberless other dishes of my life,

time and time again, the flavours and seasonings

had failed to come right. But, skillfully, I did a lot

of fire-control, and continued to present the

perfect pose – trying, as hard as I could, to cope;

and had – nonetheless – continued to engage in

countless, unreal conversations.

This chapter is dedicated to my elder sister, Aus’ Monki

Rakhale-Thibedi, for the pivotal role she has played in the

reality of my conversations; especially when I had embarked

on this book project.

F

RESH HERBS OR DRY HERBS?

Delicate leaves lose their spiciness and colour with

lengthy, prolonged cooking; whereas dry herbs

release their flavour slowly. As a rule, fresh herbs

should be added thirty minutes before the end of cooking,

or just before serving.

Some herbs – like thyme, marjoram, oregano and sage – dry

better than others, such as parsley and chives, for an

example. Dry herbs should be stored in a cool dark place,

for about six to nine months. Fresh herbs, on the other

hand, should be bought on the day you intend to use them.

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Tender Herbs


These herbs have soft, fragile leaves and need careful

handling. They should be added in the last few minutes of

cooking time or to the finished dish. Popular tender herbs

are: Basil, which goes well with tomatoes and African

traditional style dishes; chervil, dill and tarragon, which are ideal

for fish, eggs and cream sauces; mint, coriander and the great,

full-bodied parsley.

Full-Bodied Hardy Herbs

These herbs have tough, woody stems and strong leaves and

withstand long cooking. These should be added at the

beginning of the cooking, to extract and mellow their

flavour; and should be removed just before serving. These

include richly flavoured bay leaves, which go well with

Mogodu; sweet-smelling aromatic Oregano, Marjoram and

Thyme, which are ideal for Umleqwa (Traditional Chicken) and

Maotwana (Chicken Trotters); Rosemary, which goes well with

Lamb Shank; and Sage, which is suited for pork dishes.

Hot Spices

Spices are usually added at the beginning of cooking time.

However, these may be bitter if cooked for a long time and should

be added halfway through the cooking. Many spices add heat to

dishes, some give just a hint of warmth, while others

introduce a fierce heat to the meal. The essentially hot spices are

chilli, ginger, pepper and mustard. There more than two hundred

types of chilli, and these vary in shape, size, color and

potency, and can be bought fresh, dried, flaked or ground.

Chilli powder may be hot or mild, and can also vary from

red hot cayenne pepper to mild sweet paprika. All chilli can

be bitter after long cooking and should therefore be added

halfway through the cooking time. Peppercorns add a kick to

the dish, with black seeds being the hottest.

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Fragrant Spices


Some plants are grown for their fragrant aromatic seeds.

These are sold whole and ground. Long slow cooking

softens the whole seeds and releases their taste. These

include cumin and coriander, used in North African dishes;

caraway seeds, which are featured in South African

traditional cabbage-based dishes, as well as baked dishes

such as dumpling recipes. Poppy seeds are often used in

desserts and also make a popular topping for crusty corn

and beer bread. Other fragrant spices include warm cinnamon

and nutmeg, aromatic Cardamom pods, strong cloves, vanilla,

for sweet dishes; and bitter sweet saffron for rice and fish

dishes.

Spice Mixtures

There are many ground spice mixes that are used in both

sweet and savoury dishes. These include mixed spice or apple

pie spice, which are typically used in cakes and dessert; fivespice

powder, which is used in Asian dishes; garam masala for

a wide variety of curries, ranging from mild to very hot; and

finally, the South African cuisine four spice mixture for

Tshisanyama (barbequed) steaks and stews.

Traditional Sauces

As has been mentioned, already, traditional sauces that go

well with South Africa’s main ingredient Tshisanyama are:

Tomato and Onion, which is commonly referred to as

gravy, not as a sauce; Beetroot, which is normally referred

to as a salad, and; And Atchaar

A combo to impress the palate

Savoury Sauces: There are many savoury sauces that can

be used to boost the flavours of many different dishes.

These are strongly flavoured and often salty, so usually only

a dash or two is required. Worcester sauce can add a rich

rounded flavor to stews. Soy-based sauces are good for

African-style traditional dishes like Mogodu (tripe and

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Tshotlho (pounded beef). Fermented fish sauce including

anchovy and oyster sauce. These should be added at the

beginning.

Savory Extracts – Essences

These have a rich, fragrant aroma and are usually used to

flavour sweet dishes. You only need just a few drops to

flavour a whole dish. Be on the lookout for artificial

flavourings, and be sure, always, to go for the real thing.

Almond and vanilla essence are used to flavour cakes and

desserts. Orange and rose water have a delicate fragrance

and should be added at the end of the cooking for the best

flavour.

Alcohol and cooking

Wines like Sherry and Port can be used to enrich both sweet

and savoury dishes. Colourless fruit spirits like kirsch and

sweet liqueurs such as amaretto can be used for desserts and

sweet dishes.

FORCED TO HAVE THE CONVERSATION

The well-thought-out use of flavouring is the key to

successful cooking. Some dishes require just a subtle hint,

while others need a more full-bodied flavouring. So, it is

with our conversations. Some occur and flow naturally, but

other chats need some thought put into them, while most

tête-à-têtes will require a lot of courage.

But first the table must be set...

As I began earning more money as a student nurse I could

now buy food for the family. Once a week, during my two

days off, I prepared a meal for my five siblings. My very first

family dinner menu consisted of dumpling and chicken,

with no fuss, at all – simple but wholesome, and truly filling.

For dessert, we had custard and jelly and a jug of orange

flavoured Kool-Aid. Each setting was pitch perfect,

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complete with a fork and knife, a glass and serviette. Foreign

to my siblings, even though my mother appreciated the meal

setting, it was a mission to get the family together all at once.

Not once did we ever manage to get all my siblings to sit

together as a family. Week after week, I had continued to

set the table; and, one after the other, my siblings came to

take a plateful and sit in their little corners.

Meeting my husband had brought in a new outlook and feel

to family meals and dining. Not only was he a good cook,

but he enjoyed dining out as well. Subsequently, we went on

to start the restaurant business together, as a family,

together with our daughter, Mothei. The success of the

restaurant business had stemmed from the strength of us

working together, as a family. However, later, this very

strength turned out to be our weakness, as well.

Local newspapers and magazines profiled and celebrated us.

One article read: “The restaurant is personally managed by a

husband and wife team, with their daughter as marketing professional.

The family team is very much hands-on, and the members are

completely involved in all aspects of the business.”

The Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats,

SWOT analysis that we had done as a family, in preparation

for this business venture, had led us to allocating our

strengths fittingly. My husband’s responsibilities had

involved the daily running of the restaurant, liaising with the

landlord, buyers and suppliers, handling quality control,

overseeing legal matters, insurances, employment policies,

as well as authorising payments and working closely with the

accountant and auditors.

Mine had entailed finances, occupational safety,

subscription to relevant organisations and institutions, wine

selection, creating recipes and developing the menu. Besides

marketing and public relations-PR, Mothei was also

responsible for transitioning the restaurant from Portuguese

and transforming it into African cuisine.

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Before venturing into the restaurant business, early on in my

nursing career, I had come to realise that I needed

something that would challenge me to grow and develop.

Even though I enjoyed being a nurse, somehow, this did not

feel enough; I wanted more. And I recall sharing this with a

colleague as we were walking along the corridors of Chris

Hani Baragwanath Hospital during lunchtime, and she had

laughed at me. This was in 1980. Suffice to say, eventually,

I did change my career. At the beginning of my second

career as a pharmaceutical representative, I had decided to

retire early to pursue business possibilities. I gave myself a

year’s break before the business got started. It was during

this time that my husband had surprised me, one morning.

“You know Eunice, I have been observing you since you

stopped working”, my husband had commented; “You

seem to be at peace, and enjoying preparing for what you

are going to do next. I would like to join you in this space

and go into business with you.”

Taken aback, I had asked him to allow us to think about it.

After giving this idea some thought and sharing it with some

of the other family members, I had then agreed – in

principle – but had also proposed that we hold a formal

meeting before I could commit to his request.

We had then discussed the reasons and benefits of working

together, as a family, highlighted our strengths, weaknesses

and intended roles. After we had formalised our business

relationships, we went into business together, happy and

excited. This was to be the first of many family meetings

and workshops in preparation for this new venture, a

process that took eighteen months before we finally opened

our first restaurant in 2005.

We assumed it was our financial investment and a good

business plan that was going to make the business

successful. However, we had soon discovered it was the

combination of our strengths as a family that became the

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source of our success. As the business grew, so did my

strengths and creativity. And everything was going well, or

so I had thought...

Going into the restaurant business was one of the highlights

of my career and business moves. It opened doors that I

would never have accessed, and also brought countless

opportunities. I carry a lot of heartening, personal and

business experiences in my spirit from the tables that I

served. And continue to celebrate these special moments,

which remain truly memorable, without end.

The Newspaper ad had read, in part, “African Jazz Café,

Grayston Drive Sandton. Public auction to be held on Monday 4th

December 2006, commencing at 10h00. Entire contents of the wellestablished

and renowned African Jazz & Cuisine restaurant in

prime position. To be sold in its entirety as one lot.”

An auction is like a seal of failure; a public declaration of

one’s incompetence. Ironically, the restaurant was at its

busiest on this day. Guests were not bothered about what

was going on, expected their usual Lamb Shank, Mogodu or

Prawns, which they had expected to be served, pronto! The

private banqueting room made it easier for the auction to

take place, discretely. Words cannot begin to describe the

effects of the loss and how it had impacted my life. For

years, I could not even travel along Grayston Drive, without

some emotional breakdown. The mere sound of the music

we used to play at the restaurant brought so much anguish.

The grief was not so much for the material loss, but rather

what was behind the loss. That is what ate my spirit away

and crushed my soul. Some years, later, in a moment of grief

–quite unexpectedly – my daughter blurts out: “Now we are

going to be known as a stupid family that had a good thing

going and they messed it up; leave me out of it, Mama.” I

cannot even remember what we were talking about when

this had happened. Speechless, I then realised the extent of

the loss and how it had not only affected me, but the rest of

my family, as well. The auction was the dawn of a new era,

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though – an era to face my demons for what they were;

without camouflage and façade; just the truth. My response

to the loss of the business became more of a reality check

on the state of my personal life. Sadly, not yet being ready

to be truthful, there were still more losses that came my way.

A restaurant kitchen is run like an army. It is about systems,

routine and speed. On the menu, prawns are the easiest to

cook; two to three minutes. Yet it is a dish that is more likely

to go wrong if the systems are not in place. First, the grill

must be preheated to the right temperature; the basting,

which is part of prep, must be readily available. The serving

sauces are easy to prepare, but these require precise quality

ingredients. Should any one of these go wrong then the two

to three minute-order would then go horribly wrong. The

cooking must coordinate with the flow of the orders for the

eagerly anticipated meals to be delivered satisfactorily.

With reflection, I saw my life in the context of the restaurant

kitchen. I had all the ingredients of a successful life. I am a

creative person, with a skillful mind, and gifted in many

areas. Most of all, I am a dedicated, hardworking individual

with a teachable nature; unfortunately with no control

systems in place. Such as having no accountability for those

that did as they pleased in my space, often leaving me as a

helpless spectator of my own life.

As I juggled to prepare the Prawns, Mogodu, Lamb

Shanks and a numberless other dishes of my life, time

and time again, the flavours and seasonings failed to

come right. But, skillfully, I did a lot of fire-control, and

continued to present the perfect pose – trying, as hard

as I could, to cope – and engaged in unreal

conversations.

Giving of ourselves and serving each other are the

thermometers of our love for one another. We can give

without loving whenever we are not being honest and

truthful, especially in unhealthy, codependent relationships.

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When you are working together, as a family, you are heavily

dependent on each other’s gifts and talents. You strengthen

each other on your limitations. Often, the dynamics of what

it takes to serve and work for each other are both unknown

and foreign to most families. We find it easy to serve and

work for others. To be able to work efficiently for anybody

you must be able to get and be real with them.

It certainly was not the case in my situation. With the

systems of truth and sincerity not being in place, most of

the family relations and businesses suffer a terrible demise;

and, inevitably, so did mine. We failed to see what we had

in each other and, therefore, missed out on our shared

opportunity of succeeding together. We had everything we

needed, within, and around us; but we had kept looking

outside, and wondered why things were not going well.

Also, we desperately sought for outside counsel and

direction; advice that we had within our own selves; at

home, to be precise. This was simply because we did not see

what we had. As the problems had progressed, our hearts

became more hardened and stubborn, determined to

destroy each other. We became our own enemies;

destroying both our marriage and business.

After the failure of the first restaurant, we went into

business, yet again, but without getting to the root of our

problems. We had – instead – focused more on the

superficial, hoping that the real deep problems would go

away. The business’ problems were symptoms of my

afflicted personal life; and disasters had then ensued, on ad

on, until I had had decided to become “real”. As I became

real and truthful, slowly the real issues came to the fore and

more time and energy was spent on the issues at hand,

without any distortions.

Fast forward to December 2013...

My newly-published Pictorial Coffee Table Cook Book was

being launched in September during Heritage and Tourism

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Month. I was invited for an interview by one of the local

television stations. The presenter, I came to find out, later,

happened to be one of my former guests. In the make-up

room, she had started to reminiscence about her dining

experiences at our restaurant. Suddenly, I was engulfed by

tremendous anxiety as her excitement took me back to the

restaurant business. I had suddenly gone back to my

woundedness. As we prepare to go on air, I remind her,

emphatically:

“Please, Sindy, can we just focus and talk about the book

only; that is the purpose of the interview, remember?” At

that point, we were already on countdown to be on air.

Ignoring my warning, Sindy had gone ahead and introduced

me as a former restaurateur and went on, and on, about the

restaurant. The rest of the interview, I cannot remember,

except for the feeling that had suddenly come upon me. But,

as I was talking to Sindy, something inside of me had come

alive; and my soul had started shining, and – unexpectedly

– my collapsed life did not matter anymore. I had then

rattled through the interview with intense passion and

fervour, and with a type of passion that I had forgotten had

once existed in me. I knew something happened to me on

that show. Yes; something considerably awesome had

happened; but – uncannily – I could not put my finger on

it.

When I got home, my daughter, Mothei, had called for me

to give her feedback. “Good job, Mama; I am so proud of

you,” my daughter had remarked, excitedly and proudly.

“You were in your element, today. And, I think it is good

that you are allowing yourself to go to that sore space in

your life, with such joy.”

Quickly, it had dawned on me that the restaurant pain was

gone; it was no more. I could now talk about food, and food

experiences, without any pain, at all. As I looked back, I

realised that it was exactly eight years later that I had found

healing. I savoured the moment with great joy and gratitude.

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The launch of the coffee table book gave me a new lease on

life. Unintentionally, so, it had also become a means to

celebrate my life; with all its flaws. The recipes became

conversational pieces that had symbolically facilitated the

process of picking up the remnants of my life. In picking up

the pieces, I had to unlearn some destructive character traits

that had become part of my way of surviving. Like taking

things personally, for instance.

“Not every discussion is about you Mama.”

My daughter Mothei kept telling me this, over, and over.

The more she had said this, the more I had become

offended, failing to understand what she had really meant. I

had also been failing to understand how my situation had

impacted on my beloved children – not paying attention,

completely, until I had lost everything including critical

relationships.

“Bohlale ba phala bo tswa phalaneng,” so says my late mother’s

favourite Sesotho proverb. What my mother was saying is that we must

listen to our children, without being preoccupied with being right – the

elders, and mature people learning objectively from the young, as it were.

The well-intended advice from so many people around me,

had always fallen on deaf ears. But life, in all its goodness,

was speaking to me, loudly, but I could not or would not

listen. The dynamics of my personal life were complicating

an already complex business situation. In my desperation to

save the imminent loss of the restaurant, illogical errors of

judgment were made. What followed was one disaster after

another. As if addicted to this ruinous life, money continued

to go down the drain. Not unexpected, in no time I had lost

everything.

“You cannot fall from the floor, Eunice.”

I had said this to myself, unceasingly, trying to keep myself

afloat while I was spending sleepless nights on the floor in

a rented room. For the next two years, this rented room

became my home. As I had learnt to impersonalise matters,

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so to speak, I had then started to view and deal with the

different, minor and major situations of my life, differently

– and getting a deeper insight of the dynamics of my

situation; while also seeing things for what they are.

I had also come to the point of understanding that I am not

responsible for the way others treat me. And, as I took this

view, I became proactive in my responses. This had also

helped me to relate to people according to where they were

at, without justifying their behaviour. I realised that I was

allowing myself to be consumed by other people’s

misdemeanours because this took away my focus from my

own truths. After some time, this also became a helpful

outlet for my unforgiveness, bitterness and anger, and also

gave me an excuse to justify my idiotic, irrational reaction of

wrath and hostility. For a long time, I had expressed these

negative feelings without guilt; but the earnest conversation

of my life had now begun. Slowly, these conversations

began to link to one another, making sense of the

senselessness of my life.

The conversations gave meaning to my pain, offering healing and

reconciliation. The tables I had served had become offering tables;

offerings of my pain, to heal.

THE CONVERSATIONS

TABLE 1 – INVITED TO A GUEST’S TABLE

This was a corporate table, a farewell party for a friend and

colleague who was relocating to the coast. For appetisers,

they had curried chicken salad; and the entrée was a

variety of platters including the well-liked traditional

platter of Mogodu, Maotwana and Chicken

Livers. Dessert was fruit salad platters.

The host had made a special request and had also insisted

that I should be present and be part of the event to meet

her guests and interact with them. This was not an unusual

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request, as to most of my patrons, the restaurant had come

to be a place where they also found healing, as I had

ministered to them through my experiences, as has been

narrated in the book.

As I was rotating and “ministering” the tables, I found

myself sitting next to one guest who was engaging and really

wanted to talk; and was sharing with me the pressures of her

executive position and how she protects herself; so this

young mother had painted a picture of her daily routine; and

this had left me perturbed. We shall call it the “drill’”.

“The first thing I have to see in the morning is my coffee,

see... not ask for! My helper knows; I don’t even have to ask

for it. Coffee is my sanity; it preserves me. I am about to

have breakfast with my son, so I must protect him from the

looming insanity of my daily life. The breakfast table is the

first run-through that I undergo, every morning. This helps

me to conquer the drudgery of presenting myself to the

outside world. This part of the day is quality time with my

son; so, it is imperative for this part of my day to go well, as

it sets the tone for the rest of my day. The drill shall continue

as I prepare myself for work,” explains the well-groomed

young mother.

“You see, I have to assume a certain persona. And, the

make-up and clothes are critical to striking the right pose.

Then follows the state of my mind, to remind myself of my

intellectual capabilities. Moving on to my heart, I remove all

the emotions, to ensure that they do not get in the way of

business. By now, I shall have had an hour’s drive to work

to perfect the persona. Then I am all ready and set to handle

the challenges of the corporate world,” She concluded,

leaving me absolutely astounded.

People who are willing to share their vulnerability do not

have to keep up the exhausting effort of covering up. They

also don’t have to tie masks over their faces. When you have

a conversation with a person wearing a mask…

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You don’t really know who you are talking to; therefore,

what you are talking about can never be really what you

are talking about.

I could relate to my guest, as I had been like that for a long

time. Only when we are willing to share our whole selves,

warts and all, are we really talking to one another. Our

openness – when we converse – becomes contagious. As I

come out of my deceptive self, and engage in sincere

discussions, others become inspired to be honest and

sincere in their conversations, as well. Being sincere has

given me a sense of peace and freedom. Freedom to be able

to own up and say how I feel. A sense of peace, knowing that

my motives must be kept pure. An accountability to know

that, no matter what I say, I must keep myself in check; to

see if I am saying it to ventilate, manipulate, or if it is just

“talk” to have a fruitful conversation.

If I talk to you and I just want to ventilate, I am using you

as a garbage bin of some sort or the other – and as a refuse

bag for my emotional waste – so that I may feel better. And,

instead of finding a semblance of closure and healing, you

feel worse, most probably. If my motive is manipulation, I am

knowingly or unknowingly scheming to make you feel

responsible for me and my emotions; for you to feel guilty

for having caused my emotions harm, or to feel compelled

to give me the sympathy I might be seeking. This is a ploy

that should be avoided. Although we may try to disguise

such motives, these will eventually show through, and cause

pain and destroy the relationships that you treasure. You

must remove the mask to be able to deal with the “it” in

your life, which you are seemingly covering up. Sad to say, I

never saw this young woman ever again. I never connected

with her because – even though we talked for a long time –

we never really had a meaningful, constructive, or

productive conversation.

The only healthy and acceptable reason for talking and

sharing is if I am doing it so that you can know me better; the

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real me. And so that we can have a real relationship; not an

arrangement that we often mistakenly call friendship. In this

way, I am not just talking to you; but I am sharing myself

with you. I felt worn-out and exhausted in keeping real,

because – when you have lived a life of secrets and lies like

I had done, for a long time – being real tends to be a

daunting and unnerving exercise. This had required drastic

changes that would have entailed dropping off certain

character defects that might have stood in the way of

healing. To make these changes was hard work and time

consuming. Along the way, I wanted to abort the process;

but what had kept me going was the need to restore the

relationship with my children. And, in doing so, I had to go

back to the wrongs, shortcomings and misdeeds I had

identified as I was reflecting on my life. Many of us fear

admitting our wrongs because we fail to understand that

whenever we do this, we are being made right. It is akin to

being given a second chance; to relieve us from the hidden

causes of our painful lives.

TABLE 2 – A SISTER’S TABLE

“I live on my own, my children are all grown up. This is the

time for me to pay attention to “me” – to pamper myself,

and to look after my own, ever-hardworking body. The

Cornish hen is a monthly treat, and I insist on this being

marinated in a variety of herbs. I rely on herbs to flavour my

food, as I believe in grilled and baked food. I have also

invested in a good kitchen, so that I may enjoy cooking,”

my sister Monki, says proudly. “One of the things we

missed as children was eating together, as a family,” my

sister continues to reflect. “You are fortunate, Eunice, in

that you managed to turn your own life around, positively,

and – to counter the lack of family meals at our parents’

house – you instilled, in your own children, a culture of

eating together. And, now, I see you passing this value onto

your granddaughter, Aminah.”

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Monki is a passionate, healthy cook, with a huge collection

of herbs. On this day, the menu was chicken stew with

mushrooms; served with dumpling, beetroot and

Morogo salad. A nice bottle of Rosé was left to cool in

the fridge for dessert, with a glass of Merlot flowing

beautifully as she cooked. I do not recall what had brought

up the subject, but my sister was reflecting on the aftermath

of her tumultuous marital life.

Trying to fill the void, she had joined a Stokvel, a women’s

club. Once a month, she looked forward to meeting with

this group of women, where she found solace as she poured

out the drama of her life. However, with time, my sister had

noticed a pattern in the way the meetings were conducted.

These never followed the agenda. No other topic was ever

discussed, except her personal issues. Without noticing, her

life had become the agenda. The drama of her life had

captured their attention like a soapie. No one else spoke

about their own, specific “businesses”.

“This is odd”, she had said to herself. After giving this some

thought, the following month she decided that she would

engage with them on different terms. At the next meeting,

when she was asked, predictably, how the drama of her life

was unfolding, she had responded: “Things are the same,

nothing has changed, thank you.”

With the characters in the soapie now having been written

off, the meeting ended. It was now evident that the group

was not being helpful to her situation, and that the

conversations were insincere. As it had become an

unfortunate norm for so many women who are dealing with

marital challenges, the ladies’ group was just a platform to

indulge and drown sorrows in alcohol and insincere

discussions. Safe to say, my sister, Monki, had subsequently,

and wisely, left the Stokvel. It is only my sister who can relate

the story in a way that left us rolling with laughter; even

though this discussion took her family back to their difficult

childhood in Rockville, Soweto, and her daughters managed

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to see the humorous side of the story. Laughing about this

situation showed us how far the family had come.

Unlike me, Monki, who is actually my older sister, has a

good memory of our childhood and, as such, in her

conversations she always uses childhood incidences as a

point of reference. Quite often, I am taken aback when she

says something that makes me realise how often she thinks

about us when we were growing up together as children, and

as young adults. A colleague of hers had just lost a dear

friend and she had explained to me how she was making

sure that this colleague would be sound, emotionally. She

went on to explain, “I am doing this, Eunice because – when

you were young, in your twenties – you lost a dear friend,

and I saw you suffer from this loss, while our family was

oblivious to your pain. And I had always wondered how you

had coped.”

Monki, like my mother and her mother my grandmother,

Ma-Hlallele, has a great sense of humour; and will always

bring out the funny side to a problem at hand, no matter

how deep and painful the situation was, at any other time.

Also, Monki was very lonely as a result of her suffering in

her marriage. As a family that had never eaten together and

talked, we were incapable of listening out to her pain.

Thankfully, in her loneliness, there was always humour to

keep her afloat.

In fact, it is Monki, herself, who had encouraged me to write

the book and document my personal story, which had come

through a moment of devastation and immense sorrow. I

had just been evicted from my home in Lonehill, and I had

called Monki to make an appointment to see her. Because I

knew my mother was with her, as she was visiting for a few

days, I needed to break the news of my dire situation, gently,

and in a way that was not going to crush her spirit.

“Let us go for a walk,” I had asked them. My mother

enjoyed taking walks, so she had obliged, jubilantly. We had

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reached an open space – a soccer field – when I had decided

to talk to them. And, actually, I had also needed to sit down,

otherwise I was going to faint, and fall, from all the ensuing

trauma. I had duly sat on a large stone that formed part of

fencing off the pedestrians from walking onto the soccer

field. But, both my mother and sister had decided to stand.

After I had explained to them that, not only had I lost my

home, I also had lost my second business, my sister had

reacted in a way that I did not expect. “Oh! Eunice, you had

so much and you lost it all; so these things do happen? Who

would have known?”

Then there was complete silence.

After some time, my sister had asked, with apparent

compassion, “How are you going to survive this, Eunice?

You survived the first loss of your business. And, now, the

second one…? How are you going to get through this?

What do you want to do?”

“I want to write,” the words had burst out of my mouth.

“I want to write the pain away.”

“Did you hear that, Mme (mother)?” Monki had asked,

looking at my mother with excitement. “Eunice wants to

write; we are going to have an author in the family.” My

sister had then repeated this, several times, while also

jumping around and hugging my mother. “We are going to

have an author in the family.”

After her excitement had settled and being struck by the

reality of writing a book, she had asked me, solemnly, “How

can I help you? How can I make sure the book happens?

How are you going to go about it? How does it work…?”

“For the next six months, I am just going to be in my room,

and on my bed; just writing, and letting the pen bleed. All I

need from you is to be there for me, emotionally,’’ I had

explained to Monki.

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“Is that all? Okay, I will go further; I will cook and bring

food for you. You do not have to be concerned about what

you have to eat; just focus on writing,” Monki had then

reassured me, excitedly, and gave me a big hug, as if to seal

the deal.

Monki found us a room to rent in her complex in Fourways,

within walking distance from her home. Each morning, she

brought my husband and me breakfast before she left for

work. For dinner, she recommended that we come to her

home, essentially for me to get a break from writing. In

many ways, she had turned out to be more than I had

needed.

Writing my story had meant that I had to go through the

pain, all over again. The thought of this had filled me with

great fear. Monki is also the one who had memories of our

childhood, so I had to tap into her own recollections, as

well, so as to ignite mine. She had also challenged me to

revisit every emotional aspect of my story, including the

painful ones. She helped me to share my story from the

deepest of my being. The writing took longer than six

months; a year to be specific, and my sister had diligently

supported me, each step of the way, to the end.

And for this, I am grateful!

TABLE 3 – A BROTHER’S TABLE

It was a sunny, festive Friday afternoon when my brother,

Elia, had dropped by to visit my mother, joining the family

for lunch. Elia enjoyed the fact that we were back home –

my husband and me – staying with my mother. He

particularly liked the way I was looking after her and the

changes I had implemented in the house.

“The restaurant has come home”, he had always remarked,

joyfully, whenever I set the table and served the food.

However, something was on his mind this time and he

beckoned us to a discussion: “This is not a meeting, Mme;

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(mother), it is just a conversation.” He says, and reiterates,

“Ke moqoqo, feela – (it is just a chat).”

Then Elia had continued, “Something in my heart for the

coming year is to restore my family relationships,

particularly the relationship with my eldest daughter.” Then

he pondered, further, “As I was contemplating this, I had to

look back on how the relationships got to be where they

were; torn apart. This also led me to search for the root of

the problem. This is my subject matter for our discussion.”

As he had said, he was also posing a question to my mother;

“The pain and suffering in our family; where does it

come from, Mme (mother)?”

Setting the stage, he allocated time for the discussion,

appointing a chairperson and set the boundaries on the

extent of involvement in the discussion.

He had also welcomed my husband to the meeting as an

observer. As with all our family meetings, Elia had insisted

that we had to start off with a Scripture reading from the

Bible, and that we had to involve God, in prayer, to help us

see matters clearly, without being defensive and personal.

My mother had then related the issue of deep hurt and

bitterness back to when her father had refused her to pursue

a career as a teacher. This had become aggravated when my

father had also refused her request to study nursing after

they got married. When a neighbour recognised her

capabilities, and had invited my mother to go for training at

Vereeniging Hospital, again, my father had refused to sign

the forms. As fate would have had it, this had become yet

another opportunity missed. These two incidences had

filled her with a deep-seated resentment. As my mother

shared this truth about her relationships with the two

important men in her life – my grandfather, whom I

remember fondly, and my father, who had loved and adored

my mother – my brother, Elia, struggled to take it all in. This

discussion had finally led us to the source of my mother’s

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brokenness. None of us, her children, had ever bothered to

ask her – besides being our mother – what she had really

wanted to do with her life. Suddenly, I saw my eighty four

year old mother as really being more than just a mother, but

as a woman who once had personal dreams and aspirations,

but had sacrificed her deeply-held, innermost desires so that

we, as her children, attain our respective objectives.

My mother’s frank sharing of herself had made me want to

know more about her childhood, her relationship with her

mother and father, her youth, the interlude during which

she had dated my father, leading to her marriage and

motherhood. Listening to her story had also ignited a deep

compassion and made me understand who she really was.

This had brought to mind, these words by Somerset

Maugham:

“For men and women are not only themselves; they are the region in

which they were born, the (townships) and (homes) in which they

learned to walk, the games they played as children, the fairy tales they

overheard, the food they ate, the schools they attended, the sports they

played, the books they read and the God they believed in.”

You see, for a long time Elia had been telling us about his

pain, and no one in the family had ever heard or listened to

him – intently, with compassion, unconditional love and

keen understanding. And, for the first time, I was filled with

immense empathy for both my mother and brother.

Essentially, kindheartedness is something that I first had to

understand and continue to learn in my latter years.

Back to the table...

Even though the discussion was heavy and somber, the

meeting ended on a high note, having been buoyed by a

good meal. With my brother having a beautiful voice like

my mother, our family meetings are always rounded off with

a hymn. A hymn, not a chorus. We always carry our hymnals

when we go home in case there is a meeting and we need to

sing before and after the meeting. My mother’s Sesotho

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hymn is Ke Se Ke Utlwile Jesu Ha Ompitsa (I need Thee Every

Hour), Hymn 308 Difela Tsa Sione; and has become our

family’s sacred song. A family hymn is a must for each

family, and must be sung from the hymnal book, in full, for

the words to impart meaning to the family.

TABLE 4 – A MOTHER’S TABLE

One of the things that my mother had enjoyed, immensely,

during our stay with her – just before her passing – was the

family gathering together during meal times.

It is during one of our dinner sessions that my mother

remarks solemnly, “Since the two of you have been here,

there is something that I have noticed; whenever Eunice

tries to speak, you block her; what is it that you do not want

to be heard?” She pointed. The question was being directed

at my husband. In a voice that had grown to be soothing

and mellow over the years, my mother went on to introduce

the subject at hand. “You see, in the time that I will be

talking to both of you, I will be focusing mainly on one of

my own; that is you, Eunice, the one I am accountable for.”

So had begun a conversation that was to last a year, until my

mother’s passing. This conversation had turned out to form

a great part of helping me pick up the pieces of my broken

life; and which was one of the reasons why I had been

compelled to come back home, in the first place. My

mother was practical and had always exercised fairness in

her counsel; and – also – she never assumed a pious tone,

with the “I told you so” and would not even engage in any,

blame-pinning, Christianese jargon. But she listened to both

of us, always; without any judgment, seeking to understand

my situation, and to help us – as a couple – to muster the

ability, capability and maturity to speak to each other in a

civil way.

Ironically, I am from a family that had never sat around the

table to talk to one another. And, as a result if this, my

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communication skills where floppy and inadequate. In a

marriage which had already been full of immorality and all

the evil that comes with it, this was a huge handicap for my

voice. Like a double-edged sword, I took to fighting my way

through discussions with anger and aggression. And, for a

long time, I had justified this distasteful behaviour with the

pain the marriage had caused me.

Holding my hand gently and lovingly my mother would

address me first, “Eunice, sit down and be quiet.” Looking,

respectfully at my husband, she would ask, “What is it that

makes you want to so desperately prevent Eunice from

saying her piece? What are you hiding? You cannot be the

one that speaks all the time. You, each, must say what needs

to be said. You should allow Eunice to speak.”

Looking back at me, and with a stern voice, she would

instruct, “You do not have to stand up to be heard; nor do

you have to raise your voice with anger and disrespect. You

have to understand that you have a voice; use it. Not your

anger.” The training went on for many months, weeks and

days to come; until both of us – my husband and I – had

grasped the art of speaking to one another as human beings;

in a civil manner.

“Eunice, do not allow another person to take away your

dignity by responding to them in the way they treat you.

Your husband is purposefully provoking you. I can see it,

and I gather this is how he has been conducting himself in

the marriage, to distract you from the real problem. When

you respond to his provocation with disrespect, insults and

profanity, you are removing the attention from him and

taking it onto yourself. And that is how he has managed to

get away with so much harm,” She had said this,

emphatically, as the sessions became more real and

meaningful.

What my 84 year old mother was teaching me (at age 54)

was, emotional maturity; for one not to be unemotional, or to

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suppress how I felt, but – rather – to strive to be human

enough to uncover and own my emotions, and learn to

share and express these feelings appropriately. Turning to

my husband, she would then say, “If you want to rehabilitate

yourself, you must stop what you are doing to Eunice; for

your own sake, and as a human being. As a mother, I am

standing by Eunice for her decision to forgive you and stay

in the marriage. Even though I do not understand it, I

respect her decision to stay in the marriage. Like all of us

who have wronged others, God has forgiven you, as well. It

is up to you to receive it and use it to find healing for

yourself as, an individual. You must also decide as a man, if

you want out of the marriage. If it is so, you must be honest

to yourself and do so. If you want in, you must stop the

destructive games that you are playing. When you destroy

others, along the way you, you too, will get destroyed, as

well. As my son-in-law, that is not what I want for you.”

When the truth comes, it is like a storm, a blizzard and

drought, all in one. Suddenly, we could both see how

sickening the whole situation was. What has been okay was

no longer acceptable, and my mother was speaking the truth

into our marriage, and had turned things around. And,

because no one had said anything before – except the wishywashy

talks that had danced around the real issue of sin in

my marriage, for a long time – it had made the injustice

okay. And, as such, the ambiguity had been justifying the

continued exploitation of God’s mercy. My mother’s

unbiased approach had created a healthy platform for each

of us to face our demons. This is undoubtedly the greatest

lesson I have learned from her. The truth had finally

released and saved me from the cover-up I had lived for so

long.

If we beat about the bush and do not call sin what it is in

our discussions, time is wasted, wounds become deeper,

spirits are crushed, and – ultimately – souls are tainted.

Those who suffer more are our children, and their children.

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By observation, I had learned the art of skillful listening

from my mother. A good listener does more than just

understand the content of what is being said; instead, they

also listen to the context of what they are hearing. It is a

deeper kind of listening that tends to give you a better

outlook on what you are talking about.

I now have a voice!

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Nine

Family Dinners

“As we reconstruct our nation, we have to go back to the

core; the family. We must each find our own answer to the

question, ‘What is worth doing?’ As we become more

conscious of the present moment dropping through the hour

glass. What will be most rewarding and yield the highest

rate of enrichment to our lives? How will our legacy to family

measure our lives?” – Dr Lillian Carson – The Essential

Grand Parent.

This last chapter is dedicated to my brother, Elia Thebe

Rakhale, for the delicious meals we have shared, and for the

dedicated, real conversations we had, together with our late

mother. As he would say, as we tucked in, “the restaurant has

come home,” each time, always bringing joy to the family table!

C

OMING HOME

The circumstances of my life led to my becoming

insolvent and destitute, and I had to go back home

to my mother’s house in Moletsane, Soweto.

Reflecting on my life and what had led me to the present

situation, I realised that my mother had many reasons to

wag a finger of, “I told you so,” yet she did not.

With most of the hardships we encounter in life, the

warning signs are always there, but we choose to overlook

these and later blame others, instead; which is exactly what

I did, for a long time, blaming my husband – in particular –

for all my failures! When my mother and three other people

(this had occurred at different times), cautioned me about

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my marriage and the decision I was taking, their warnings

had fallen on deaf ears.

First, it was my uncle, Rangwane Tyelele, who had been

concerned was that I had tended to take things at face value,

and he had wished that I should give myself more time to

think things through, especially before getting married. My

uncle did not divulge the strong basis of his concern at the

time, but had given me a few examples to nudge me in the

right direction, as it were. Of course, I did not listen to him,

and I had dismissed his advice. Strike one. Rangwane

Tyelele was a very smart man and a forward thinker. Just

like my mother, he had a great sense of humour, making it

easier for him to talk about sensitive matters. He was

concerned that my parents were invested in church activities

more than the family. And he was puzzled by the apparent

disconnect between our parents and us, as their children.

This had hurt him, deeply, that I was about to make what

he had viewed as the worst decision of my life. But,

consumed with being married and leaving my parents’

home, I did not pay attention to his counsel.

Later on, in my marriage – when problems began to surface

– in one of his good-humoured moments, after he had

probed, once again, about my situation – and, upon

receiving disconcerting news – he had remarked, “Ausi

(referring to my mother), I knew this guy was never going to value your

daughter. What prospective husband buys their bride a wall clock as a

first personal gift? This was a clear indication that this is what he

thought of Eunice; something with which to decorate his surroundings.

No matter where he went, when he comes back, the clock would still be

hanging, beautifully, on the wall.”

Sadly, this is how my marriage had panned out. For any

disagreement we had, no matter how trivial or grave, my

husband would walk away and disappear for days on end,

without me knowing where he was. This had become more

like our life dance. Once an argument had erupted, I would

also chase him away, before he would have walked out.

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Chasing him away was the only thing I had power over in

our marriage. I could not control the infidelity, but I could

control his stay or departures, because – in the household –

I was the one with more financial power.

You see, like so many women, I had made the common

mistake of buying a family home for a man, much against

the counsel of some wise women in my life. As a community

nurse in Soweto, I had worked with a colleague who had

been strongly opposed to the notion of women buying

homes for their men, often arguing that this was the

responsibility of the man to find a home for his family. In

her explanation she had argued along this following line, “If

you take away that basic responsibility from a man, you are

taking away everything else that comes with his role as a

husband. It unintentionally emasculates him. An

emasculated man functions from a position of working

against God’s natural order.

“In the natural eye, it looks and feels like your husband is

working against you, criticising, humiliating and

incapacitating you, and even seemingly standing in the way

of whatever good you are doing for the benefit of the family,

including him. “On a deeper level, he is wrestling with who

he really is in the marriage, if not the provider, the leader

and head of the family. His energy and focus are

inadvertently reversed and directed at creating chaos. After

all, the relationship is operating against the order of who the

husband is in the marriage.” The flip side of this, though,

was that – on my side – I had taken over the role when I

had realize that my husband was never going to lead. At

first, it was easy and doable. I made things happen for the

family and we both benefited and seemed to be enjoying the

fruits of my labour, together. But, as time went on, I had

noticed changes in the dynamics of our marriage.

I had stripped him of his manhood and his role!

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The more I succeeded, the more the immoral activities had

surfaced; and these had spawned more disruptions and

more ridicule in my marriage. Soon, my life became a huge

success on a heap of decomposition; a heap that had stayed

on, untouched, for the next thirty years.

As the years went by, the stench of the decomposing heap

had infiltrated every aspect of my life; my personal space,

my family, friends and the business, itself. My life was now

ruled and dominated by chaos and disorder. Even though I

was a dedicated, practicing Christian – going to Bible classes

and serving as an elder in the church, and so on – I knew,

with absolute certainty, that God was not part of this façade,

because He is a God of order!

Before the chaos had ensued, being in the forefront was

slowly becoming exhausting and burdensome. I spent my

life playing a double role of a man and a woman in the

marriage. That is, operating against the order of who I was,

as a person, and as a wife. And, soon, it had all become too

much.

Forgetting everything else about the history and dynamics

of our marriage, I wanted a quick fix; especially a dire need

for my husband to take over his responsibility, and lead.

This made our problems more complex. I was now

expecting something that I had never asked of him and from

him, in the first place. This had left him confused and angry,

while I became frustrated and worn out.

The rhythm of the dance of our life had now coalesced into

a concoction of toxicity. I must admit, though, that the signs

that the relationship was not right had always been there. In

fact, from the very first time I met my husband, I knew

something was off; but I had chosen to ignore the warning

signs. The way we met was an indication of the course of

our relationship and our marriage, and what would pan out

into a life of deception!

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I was on a weekend off and travelling home to Soweto by

train from the Boksburg-Benoni Hospital (now known as

the Tambo Memorial Hospital) in Benoni, where I was

training to be a nurse. I had just alighted at Park Station to

get groceries, when – suddenly – someone caught my eye

and greeted me, and said he knew me. I looked at him and

the face looked familiar, but was certain I had never met

him. I was certain about this, because – being a writer – I

am also gifted with a rich photographic memory. When I

meet people, and have conversations with them, I pay

attention to the circumstances, each backdrop and all the

different, minute things; like how they are dressed and the

food that was served, and what the conversation that would

have entailed. I recall all these different details; and I

remember things, situations; and, most of all, I remember

people. The point is, I did not recall ever meeting this man

– who would later become my husband – but, on that fateful

day, I fell for the lie, and gave him my details. It was a

Saturday morning when we met, and he had promised to

come and see me, that same afternoon. Indeed, he came,

but I was concerned about the fact that I did not know him,

yet he said he knew me. He confessed and dismissed this as

a little lie that he had told me so that he could get my contact

details.

The reason his face had looked familiar, as he had explained,

was that he was then on billboards and magazines,

advertising a popular soft drink. Indeed, I had remembered

seeing the billboards and magazine adverts, and the fact that

that is where I might have seen him. But this did not sit well

with me. He could have just asked for my details, and I

would have given these to him. He was tall, well-dressed and

good-looking. Even though it was not love at first sight for

me, I liked him, and would have given him my details. He

did not have to lie.

I had explained this to him and convinced myself that it

might be just this one little lie. Or was it? And, yet, I had

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gone ahead and pursued a relationship with him. This little

occurrence of deception was always at the back of my mind

and it had kept on troubling me; but I did not know what

to do with it, or how to handle it. Without realising it, I had

accepted it and it had become part of the foundation of our

relationship; and it would later haunt our marriage and life.

Thirty years later, as I was reflecting on my life, I came to

realise that accepting that small lie was when I had begun to

set myself up for failure!

I did not know anything about values and morality. No one

had ever taught me what to look for in a man. My parents

never talked to one another or to us. We never even ate

together; so how we could even talk about anything, let

alone about what to look for in a relationship.

I focused on all those crucial aspects that I had missed out

in my childhood, topmost among which was leadership

from someone together with whom I could build a solid

family, with strong foundations. You see, because he was

older than me and with more life experience, I had assumed

that my husband had the qualities that would guide and lead

the family in the right direction – a father figure and role

model that my children could look up to. But, sadly,

sometimes an assumption can be as good as a mere guess.

Greatness, wholesomeness, leadership and being a role

model had collectively formed just an idea of him that I

created in my head. And, for the next thirty years or so, I

spent my time trying to make this idea to become real. Of

course, it never did. My husband possessed many good

qualities that I had admired and enjoyed. He loves to cook

and has a refined flavoursome palate. He is a courteous

entertainer and, therefore, a good host. It is these qualities

that made us go into the restaurant business together.

For the Strike two, it was my former school teacher and

mentor, who was a speaker at the wedding, and had also

raised a warning sign. Just before the ceremony had

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commenced, he had called me to the side; and I was thinking

to myself that he had wished to discuss the programme; and

he had said, “Eunice, I want you to understand me clearly;

I think the wedding must go ahead, but I am recommending

strongly that you go for marital counselling after the wedding;

otherwise, you are not going to be able to pull this off.

Please understand; I am not saying(that) you must not get

married; it is too late now. All that I am requesting is for you

to go for counselling.”

I cannot recall my exact answer, but I have an idea of the

gist of it; it was something to the effect that, “I am old

enough and, therefore, also mature enough to know what I

am doing,” and, I also threw in the word “smart” in, there.

Once again, I had dismissed the counsel and never went for

counselling.

The teacher, Mr Maphosa, was not only my English teacher

at Musi High School in Pimville, Soweto; but he was also

my neighbour. His love for literature is the reason I am a

writer and publisher. He turned a boring book like Shane,

which was our set work, into a beautiful piece of work.

Unlike other subject teachers, he never carried a bag to class,

just one book per class, per subject. Immaculately dressed

at all times, Mr Maphosa was also a good family man, with

strong Christian values and a Minister of the word of God,

who specialised in youth motivation and consolidating

marriages. In essence, what my former school teacher was

saying was that I must involve God in the marriage, so that

it can be founded on His principles. He had recognisd the

loopholes, but had also understood that God could fix

them, if we consult Him from the beginning of our error. I

did not go for counselling, nor did I pray for our marriage.

As has been mentioned, already, I knew nothing about

prayer, nor about involving God in my daily life, or even

reading the Scriptures. This was all foreign in our family.

My parents attended a church organisation where Bible

reading or praying together as a family had just not been a

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part of the church structure. It was more like a cult, with an

emphasis on honouring and obeying the leadership and the

church rules; not Christ centered at all. So, all what Mr

Maphosa was saying at that time, was foreign to me; and, as

a result, I did not heed his words of wisdom. So I had lived

to regret this, as my marriage crumbled, taking no prisoners!

The preparations continue and during the hectic activities

my mother takes my hand and leads me to a corner. This

particular incident is still so vivid in my mind that I

remember the exact place where we were standing: “Eunice,

I have some information that tells me this marriage is at

great risk. You can continue to date, but there are things

you need to know and be prepared for, before you commit

yourself to this marriage. Should you want to call off the

wedding I will support you, it is not too late.”

As with the previous incidence, I do not remember the

answer I gave my mother. I recall many things about my life,

but this one thing I do not remember. The fact is I dismissed

the advice and the wedding went ahead! Strike 3.

More than thirty years later I find myself back home. Back

home because I disobeyed my mother and got married

against her advice. I was also disobedient and ignored

counsel regarding my marriage from two other loving

elders, my uncle (Strike 1) and former school teacher Mr

Maphosa(Strike2). And because of this disobedience

disaster befell me. The bible is full of warnings against the

consequences of disobedience, and overflowing with

highlights regarding the rewards of obedience. Going back

home in my old age, gave me an opportunity to make it right

with my beloved mother. And my life at 65 is back on track

and for this I am grateful!

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I COME HOME


I come home, broken and wounded.

I come home, my soul bruised; black-and-blue.

I come home; you mend the pieces,

Trim the edges with old fragile hands.

Tenderly, you straighten up the creases.

I come home to fingers not wagging,

“I told you so.”

I come home to the soothing of my soul.

I come home to the dressing of my shattered spirit.

I come home to retrieve my stolen voice,

A voice stolen by deceit.

A silent voice!

I come home to my fullness as a woman.

I come home to the choices of years gone by.

In the same corner, you guide us into making it right.

Without bias, you diligently counsel.

I come home to goodness.

Often, we form family business relationships without

putting proper mechanisms in place. As opposed to other

business relations, this one we take for granted. Most great

business empires are built around families. A family working

together must start off with building a formal relationship.

This can be ascertained by: Having regular family meetings,

acknowledging each other’s strengths and weaknesses,

creating boundaries, learning to relate and speak to each

other beyond each other’s personalities and egos; speaking

to one another as you would to another colleague; and by

instituting formal arrangement of your positions and job

descriptions. This process must be embarked upon as soon

as the vision of the family business is planted in your hearts;

that is, during the planning stages.

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Failure to address outstanding personal matters, and hoping

that the business will wish them away, is a recipe for the

demise of the business before it could even start. It is more

like prep in the kitchen, before we open for service. In that

particular scenario, the process of addressing personal

matters is tedious and draining, but worthwhile in the long

run.

My husband and I had embarked on intense workshops as

a family when we started the business. Unfortunately, these

workshops were masked with a lot of insincerity regarding

the sin of immorality in our marriage. We never got to the

root of this particular sin of immorality; and, without

realising, we had subconsciously carried the baggage into the

business. To cope with this baggage, I spent my entire life

putting up a façade for things to look perfect.

We looked like a perfect couple, while – inside – our souls

were eaten away by immorality. I had failed to follow the

teachings of the workshops sincerely, myself, because I was

afraid and not ready to face what was going on in my

marriage. I was afraid to face the truth of infidelity in my

marriage, knowing that, once I had confronted this truth, I

would have had to act, even if it had meant getting divorced.

Also, I was afraid to be alone; with myself. I could never see

myself on my own – as an individual – outside my marriage.

Because I also did not know whom I really was, I had

defined myself through the person I was married to,

together with whatever came with that package; the good

and bad. Subsequently, I lost myself and all that I had been

created and meant to be.

This brought a lot of sadness to those who loved me;

particularly my mother and my children. And it made my

elder sister, Monki, angry; especially the fact that I had put

my life in the hands of another human being; and, this, at

whatever cost.

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With reflection, I can now understand where my dearest

sister, Monki, was coming from. And I think that this might

also have made God sad, as well; that He had created me

and given me all these beautiful talents and creativity; and

that, in turn, I was throwing all of it in His face; recklessly

focusing on, and being consumed by another being.

And this had nothing to do with me loving my husband or

being committed to the institution of marriage. It was just

an emotional entanglement; a mishmash that had been

brought about by a marriage full of immorality. Being afraid

to confront reality had cost me dearly!

More than losing the business, it had also come just short

of leading to me losing my own soul! This great loss had

come to the point of forcing me to make drastic changes in

how I could handle reality and the truth, onwards. And, as

you read this, I am painstakingly putting all the necessary

mechanisms in place, addressing problems for what these

really are. I no longer shy away from tackling disquieting

concerns; thus echoing the saying;

“If you do not deal with what is going on, it will keep coming back to

you.”

I now have a broader perspective of things beyond myself,

not engaging in “Rabbit Chase” discussions. As a result, our

family and business meetings have ceased to be personalitybased

brawls and tournaments. There is now order in my

life. This time around, order is not maintained by control

and manipulation, except sincere expression of feelings and

thoughts. The benefits of working together, as a family, are

enormous. You have a common cause and you use your

strengths, as individuals, to benefit one another.

It is, and has been a great privilege for me to be surrounded

by, and to work with my family. I have been able to draw

from their strengths. However, the great challenge has been

seen whenever personal matters happened to overlapped

into the business. After much turbulence and great anguish,

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and being unable to change my circumstances, I was forced

to reexamine my life. I had to go to the root of why things

did not go right in the first place.

I did not listen to my mother’s advice regarding my

marriage. I even got married without her blessing; and,

in doing so, I also married without God’s blessing.

Returning to live at my home, where I had been raised, also

gave me an opportunity to ask for forgiveness from my

mother. The irony of this was that my mother had

completely forgotten about the strike three incidence. In

forgiving me, my mother had to be on God’s side; and she

also had to take us in – both – to help us back, up, onto our

feet. She spent the last year of her life guiding us through

family impartial talks.

For family discussions to be successful, you must be

committed and willing to talk things through. Work at the

myriad disputes when it is easy and also when it is difficult,

as some of these issues take different forms, leaving you

lonely at times, and mostly emotionally and physically

drained. Nevertheless, allow these different life posers to

have their own demands and momentum; go with their

flow. Know that it is part of the process; and, in the end,

tackling the various concerns, as and when these may come,

does bring healing. The family conversations must be led

through Scripture and prayer. If not, they are doomed to

failure.

I need to also mention that, before these family

conversations, I had followed the conventional route of

finding solutions. I had numerous counselling sessions at

different denominations; and I had drowned myself in

several, different prayer groups; and I also went for

hypnotherapy and had self-medicated with over-thecounter

medication. All in vain! It was only when I had really

started “talking” that I began to see progress. First, I had to

learn to talk to God, openly and truthfully, without any

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theatrical performances, and without any pious façade.

Then, I had to talk with, and to myself; and I had to do this

without hiding behind my emotions of anger.

Finally, there had to be a “talking” to my family, starting with

my mother, then I had to open up to my children. In talking

to the children, I had to let go of arrogance; and to

relinquish the idea of always wanting to be right. This was

the advice that my mother had given me before her passing.

“Eunice, O ikokobetse ka dinako tsohle (humble yourself at all

times) when you talk to the children,” my late mother had

counselled me, in preparation for my meetings with the

children. “You must forget about being right, and ask for their

forgiveness for hurting them.”

In God’s true order, the conversation that was supposed to

happen urgently was with my eldest child, my son; and,

thankfully, my daughter, Mothei, had taken the initiative and

set the related discussion in motion. In essence, Mothei took

over from where my mother had left off, and had nudged

me in the right direction by making sure the first dreaded

appointment happened.

My son, like myself is finicky about formality, punctuality

and order. We had agreed that – for our meetings to be

beneficial in restoring our relationship – we had to meet

regularly, over a period of time. We met once a week for

about six weeks; from ten, in the morning, until around

twelve; and we spoke candidly and sincerely about his

childhood; how I had raised him, and about the decisions I

had taken along the way. We also embraced both the

valuable and somewhat flawed decisions I had made. My

mother’s advice became my saving grace in the discussions

I had with my son. I had to humble myself, and forget about

being right, and just listen to my son.

But, as could have been predicted, I struggled between

listening and being defensive. But, by the grace of God, I

made it through our first meeting. Subsequent meetings

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with my son brought me face-to-face with who I was as a

parent; that is, from his perspective; and, definitely, not

from the way I had been seeing myself, as a parent. The

reality made me see the pain and hurt I had caused him, and

I was filled with Godly sorrow!

The pain was too difficult for both me and my distraught –

but now healing son, leaving us both emotionally drained

and worn-out. I had learnt about this later from my daughter

in law and my daughter, as we reflected on our healing as a

family. We both could not comment about our meetings to

them except being so drained that all we could do was sleep

on the days after our discussions. The meetings took

different turns, from walk-outs, angry outbursts, to tons of

tears. We both painfully allowed the process to take its

course. Sadly, this is the part that families fear the most.

Grueling as it was, my son and I were committed to talking

things through.

The workshops, as we came to call these family meetings, just

like losing the restaurants, brought me to my knees. I had to

pray for God to give me courage and understanding.

Someone reading this should understand that this sadness

was eventually going to bring joy; therefore, it was critical

for me to endure each painful moment. I got to understand

what the Apostle, Paul, had meant when he described his

joy in 2 Corinthians 7:10: “Godly sorrow brings repentance that

leads to salvation and leaves no regret; but worldly sorrow brings

death.” Worldly sorrow is when we feel sorry for ourselves.

God was showing me the mistakes I had made as a parent;

not to penalise me, or because I was a bad mother; and was,

rather, giving me an opportunity to make amends with my

children. For the resultant healing to happen, I did not need

to feel sorry for myself; but I had to feel the sadness of God

in my children’s pain, instead. Feeling sorry for ourselves is

what stands in the way of healing for our families.

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I have come to learn about all of these wonderful revelations

as God navigates me through the process of healing for my

family. With this healing also came the realisation that I had

parented from the fear of poverty; meaning that, any efforts

I had made as a parent was to avert situations in which my

children would have to endure being without food, having

malnutrition-related diseases and going to school without

shoes or warm clothing in winter. I had become consumed

and driven by the need to overcome poverty to the point of

neglecting the basics of just being in the proverbial

“presence” and “moment” with my children. Thankfully,

the family talks gave me an opportunity to heal my povertyrelated

wounds, about which I had not been aware, all along.

No matter how big or small the problem, you must start the

conversation. Delaying the conversation for 30 years, like I

had, is rescheduling imminent calamity. You will need

prayer though; because, without prayer it is impossible to

talk; even about mundane things. God loves families;

therefore, He helps us whenever we try to restore these, and

gives us the Grace to endure.

Sadly, four years after my mother’s passing, I finally faced the

reality that – after more than 30 years – there was no

repentance regarding this sin in my marriage. To avoid

further harm, I got out of the marriage. This was done

peacefully – and without anger, bitterness or any profanity

– but, with goodwill. We separated!

Today, I refer to my separation with sadness; because,

whatever the circumstances may be, God hates divorce.

Divorce grieves God; especially when families get torn

apart; and that is a fact I cannot shy away from. And, for

this I am filled with Godly sorrow, even though I am the

one who had chosen to initiate the separation. But, truly,

separation happened in my marriage, not because of the

wrongs that had happened, but because our hearts were too

hard to repent and change. The Word of God tells us that it

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is because of the hardening of the hearts that Moses had

allowed divorce.

Divorce was never God’s plan. As Christians, in justifying

ourselves, we may overlook this; but, the truth is that my

marriage fell apart in spite of God’s forgiveness of the ills

of the marriage, but because of the refusal to repent. With

unrepentance, our hearts became hard and cruel.

God is big on petitionary prayer; therefore, we should

always pray for our families; and, also, we should cherish the

requisite remedial conversations. For a start, one should declare

their purpose to all the family members, so that each

member should have the same objective, and be on the

same page. Once this occurs, healing comes and you will

surely be celebrating new beginnings for generations to

come.

Come in peace and understand what peace means.

Peace is not pretending that a problem does not exist.

HEALTHY FAMILY TRADITIONS

“All our feelings are useful if we are aware of them and reasonably

comfortable with them; because, then, we can handle them. But, if we

screen them off first, they are not available when we need them; and,

second, when the screen slips up and they escape, they may do damage

because we have no control over them.” – Robin Skynner and John

Cleese, Families and How to Survive Them.

As part of preparation for restoration, you will need to

cultivate healthy family traditions. This can be achieved by

adopting new ways of relating to one another; and this

entails the following pointers:

Protocol should be observed at all times. Protocol is

vital. It is God’s way of creating order in the family, and is

sacred. When we do not observe protocol in our families,

we are defying God’s order; and, without order, chaos

ensues. For the conversations to work out, there must be

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order. God is orderly; and, where there is no order, there is

no God.

Respect is necessary to create a conducive atmosphere for

even the deepest feelings to be shared, truthfully and freely.

Before things can be right in our relationships, we must

listen, and comprehend the pain which would be expressed when

we start speaking out.

With respect, those that you have hurt can articulate their

pain to you without you being their casualty. Respect is one

critical point my mother had always emphasised. For me,

the most important protocol-related act, was, mainly, to

respect my sister, Monki, as she was the eldest of the

siblings, and in the family, after both of our parents had

passed on.

On this occasion, I was on my way to a conference in the

Free State and had asked my mother to pray for my trip and

bless me. Rather than pray, my mother went on to talk about

respect. Calling in my brother to be present as a witness, she

continued, “respect your sister, Monki, then it will go well

with you, Eunice. There is a reason why she was born in this

order, as the eldest. First, before you.’’

And, for good measure, she had reiterated the last part,

“…she was born in this order, as the eldest. First, before you.”

Growing up in my home, there were never discussions of

this nature; so I was a little baffled, as Monki was not even

around at the time.

Also – as I had thought to myself – this subject had come

from nowhere – and it was not even related to my imminent

trip, or anything else, for that matter. As I walked to the car,

I had remarked to my husband, “What a strange talk; it

sounds like Mme is giving me her last words of instructions.”

Because my mother was well and there was no sign of

anything bad about to happen, I made nothing of this

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strange talk, and – as had been expected – unsuspectingly

went to the conference.

But, unbeknown to me that these words – through which

she had exhorted me to respect others, especially my sister,

Monki – were going to be her last instructional verses for

me. And, tragically, the next time I would see my mother

again, after the conference, was to bury her. Looking back,

I realised that lack of respect amongst us as her children was

one factor that had bothered her a lot, and, surely, that is

why she had chosen to talk about this as a last will of

testament.

Until then, I had not even realised how disrespectful I had

been to my elder sister, Monki. After my mother’s passing,

I shared this conversation with my sister, and had further

explained how remorseful I was for having disrespecting her

for all those years. But, as I had mentioned, earlier, Monki

has a healthy sense of humour; and, in one of our family

discussions, I dropped the ball and she remarked, jokingly,

“listen to how you are speaking to me, Eunice; you are back

to your old ways. Now, where is the respect that you were

talking about?” Laughing, I had responded, “Aus’ Monki,

change does not come overnight; you are going to have to

bear with me as I unlearn this bad trait of disrespect.”

It has been seven years since then, and respect is still my

daily struggle. Now that I am aware and mindful, I can see

myself, whenever I talk to people disrespectfully, and –

immediately – I change gears. I am now able to say what

needs to be said to my sister without disrespecting her.

Disrespect is fatal, and is one of the diseases that most

families are infested with. In some families, disrespect is

masked with fear. Parents are fearful to tell their children

when they are wrong. Terrified of potentially aggressive

retaliation from their children, they succumb to whatever

immoral behavior their children engage in. Furthermore, the

family discussions must involve affirming each other and

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being sympathetic to one another’s pain; without any

disrespect overshadowing any possible reconciliation, and

healing!

Forgiveness is God’s prerogative> Our nature is not

inclined to forgive; it is only God who can make us forgive

the people who may have hurt us. Because of the complexity

of forgiveness, during the struggle to forgive others, it is

important to acknowledge the difficulty to God. Ideally, one

should say, “Lord, I know you want me to forgive so and so. But I

am unable to.” And, then, one should continue in prayer, “I

am filled with hate and resentment for this person and I do not want

to feel this way, but I do.”

Then, God will purge you of these ill feelings; especially, if

you are honest and do not camouflage these troubled

emotions with self-righteousness. In forgiveness, God is the

hero; not us. Therefore, we cannot even pride ourselves

regarding the people we have forgiven. If we do, this would

be coming from a place of self-righteousness.

Forgiveness is from God; for us. It for those we have hurt and

for those who have hurt us. The more we understand this,

the lesser we will boast. Without openness, the closureseeking

discussions are pointless and time wasting;

therefore, there should also be no deception.

Deception is evil no matter what and how you label it. It

starts with trivial things like surprises. Surprise party, surprise

birthday etc. etc. The truth of the matter is, you have to

deceive the person to be able to surprise them. Be wary of

surprises, they are a sly way of training us on how to deceive

each other. For me deception sneaked into my life through

covering up the wrongs in my marriage. Over the years the

more I covered up the more covering up was necessary. And

the more skillful I became in covering up.

Soon, without noticing, deception became the nature of

how I related to people. I could never say what I want to

say and what I was saying was never what I really meant.

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This is typical of a person with a mask, when talking to me,

you didn’t really know who you were talking to; therefore, to you, what

I was talking about could never be really what I was talking about.

Unlearning and taking this out of my system has been my

greatest and toughest challenge. Thankfully, as I practice

being sincere it gets better and easier. You must humble

yourself and admit your weakness. Humility is not thinking

less of yourself, which is low self-esteem. Humility is putting

the needs of others before your own, whether you are right

or wrong.

Control and manipulation: As you go along with this

exercise of learning to talk to one another, check your

motives by constantly asking yourself, “why am I bringing

up this issue? And, “why am I saying this?” This will help to

eradicate the need to control and manipulate others; and, in

so doing, misdirecting the purpose of your reconciliatory

encounters.

Avoid gossip: especially when this is disguised as a prayer

request or sending a scripture reading, especially for the purposes of a

“Prayer of Agreement”.

If you feel the need to pray for someone, pray to God –

directly – for them, as and when such a thought comes.

Then you will not need to tell others to pray on the matter.

The same applies with Scripture; as the scripture may have

captured your mind and heart because it is meant for you;

and to either direct, correct or encourage you. If you send

this to someone else, you miss the opportunity for God’s

guidance, correction or encouragement for yourself. In

essence, you are simply missing the point.

The people to whom you are sending scripture would most

probably have a Bible in their home, they listen to the radio,

they watch television, they read books, and they hear other

people talking about the scriptures. So, somehow, they are

exposed to the word. All you can do for them is to allow the

scripture and any corresponding prayer to transform you, so

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that – as per God’s answer to your related prayer – they may

in turn, desire this transformation you may be seeking for

them from the Almighty. However, if your motive is pure,

then it is all is good. Check your motive first! That is all I

am saying.

Family restoration comes at a cost. If you become that one

person in the family willing to pay the price, God will

honour you and rescue your family.

Peace is everything, therefore come in peace! If you

desire reconciliation for your family, you must become a

peacemaker. Understanding that peacemaking is not

running away from the problem by pretending that it does

not exist; thus burying the problem so to speak.

Peacemaking is also not appeasement, which is being a

pacifier. Be patient as others slowly come along,

understanding that some of them will retaliate and choose

to cease talking to you, preferring to relate to you through

the old means of manipulation and deception.

Give them their space and wait on God. They will come

around as God brings understanding to them, the same way

he had done for you and me. Sadly, most of our families are

ill-equipped and unskilled in handling conflict. There is no

culture of talking sincerely to one another, let alone talking

about problems in the family. Our children must be taught

conflict resolution by demonstration. They must see us

resolving matters through family discussions, ideally around

the dinner table. We must demonstrate to them that when

we are eating together, we are breaking bread and, therefore,

establishing peace.

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INGREDIENTS FOR REAL CONVERSATIONS

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

My Mother’s Legacy: Earlier on, I spoke about having had

to go back to my home, to my mother in Moletsane,

Soweto. I had used this time to collect and document her

recipes; trying, tasting and testing these for accuracy and

authenticity. It is during the exchange of these recipes that

the stories about my grandparents had surfaced and the

memories of her youth had been ignited. I had ended up

not only collecting recipes, but had also gathered the

ingredients to rebuild my family. Below are some of those

ingredients.

Shame based spirituality: By sharing her personal stories,

she allowed my husband and me to see the genuine human

side of her. She spoke and talked to us like ordinary people

talk with no pious accent and self-righteousness.

Her great sense of humour, which she revealed through

her daily life experiences, and had always made us laugh a

lot, especially during these painful family meetings.

Credible counsel: She led my husband and I on the

journey towards the truth, but – in the process – had

allowed us to come to our own conclusions. She was honest,

even-handed and fair in her dealings with us, making her

counsel credible.

Hearing about her mistakes elevated our respect for her

counsel. There was no desire in her to be the hero; except

to ensure that we come out healed. Regrettably, the older

we get the more fragile we become in our reactions. We

become more tedious, stubborn and shaky. Not so with my

mother!

She demonstrated to me that it was okay to acknowledge

one’s mistake to your children. And I witnessed her making

changes in her life in her eighties, and thus living a

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transformed, repentant life. Because of her, it has become

easy for me to acknowledge my own wrongdoings to my

own children. Her affirmations made it easier for us, my

husband and me, to want to change and do things

differently for our marriage.

Commitment to talking: It was important to her for us to

understand why we needed to listen to each other and

commit to talking our marital problems out of our system.

Pain has no size: Another valuable ingredient is

understanding that pain has no size. It does not matter what

the cause may have been, for as long as there is pain, the

impact is the same. Any hurt that has left one with an eroded

self-worth and a changed personality remains exactly that;

hurt. You cannot size it up or compare it. If you do, you are

causing more harm.

Furthermore, the details of the problem do not matter.

Many a time, we get boggled up with wanting to know the

specifics of what may have really happened. There are only

two things we can do to help one another. First, it is to walk

alongside those who are hurting; at their pace. Unless you have

gone through what another person has experienced you may

have no authority to advice, but to listen, lovingly; and also

not telling them how and what to feel. Second, one should stay

with them while they are still at the scene of the misfortune; that is,

until they are ready, and able to move on.

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TABLE TALKER

Ingredients of a disagreement

It is important to realise that in each different family

disagreement there are always the same two ingredients. An

issue and various viewpoints. The issue is usually

objective and fair; and this usually involves principles. The

viewpoints – on the other hand – are subjective and biased.

Also, these tend to involve personalities; and, therein, lies

the sum and substance of most family clashes; most of

which could be defined as mere disagreements over issues

because of opposing viewpoints.

As you seek healing for your family in your conversations,

do not get trapped by personal opinions. It is mainly the

principle that needs to be discussed. Removing your

personality from a discussion will help you to focus on the

principle; and, therefore, benefit the discussion. Each family

member around the dinner table must remember this; the

issue is not about your personal viewpoint, other than the principle.

This must be emphasised, prayerfully, throughout the

process.

Finally, you must be prepared to take the risk for a

principle. While this may come at a cost, it is worth it in the

end; especially for the benefit of your family’s legacy.

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FAMILY PRAYERS MEETINGS

THE SAVING GRACE

As things were getting bad an ugly in my marriage, out of

desperation I made this simple prayer; “Lord, whatever may

happen in this marriage, please protect my MIND, and keep me

sane.” Afterwards, I had immediately felt relieved, and

trusted that God would, indeed, protect my mind. From

then, on, every morning, I repeated the above prayer over

and over again: Lord please protect my MIND, and keep

me sane. While my spirit hummed the lyrics of the song, Till

The Storm Passes by written by Thomas Mosie Lister:

In the dark of the midnight have I oft hid my face

While the storm howls above me, and there's no hiding place

'Mid the crash of the thunder, Precious Lord, hear my cry

Keep me safe till the storm passes by

, till the thunder sounds no more

Till the clouds roll forever from the sky

Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand

Keep me safe till the storm passes by.

Then, slowly, I added other troubling issues on my prayer

list. Soon, the list turned into discussion subjects.

Essentially, from the one who created me, I wanted a

firsthand understanding of what was going on in my life. I

am a reader; so, for things to make sense to me, I feel that I

must read about them.

So, before each prayer session, I looked for the subject

matter at hand from the Concordance of my Bible and

would then study the relevant passage. For clarity, I would

sometimes read the passage two to three times. I also

wanted to know what the Old Testament had to say about

the matter if my reading was from the New Testament, and

vice versa.

Then the prayer times became longer, informative and

enlightening. The Bible made sense of my senseless world,

and no subject was off limits. This new, suddenly energised

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and truly positive relationship with God and His stimulating

Word in my prayers, meditations and spiritual reflections

did not necessarily give me any quick fix solutions. In most

instances, it only helped me understand what was going on,

and gave me guidelines on how to navigate through the

prevailing difficulties. But I liked the fact that this spiritual

rapport with God was sustaining me through my insane life.

As the problems of my marriage, business and personal life

became more complex, I would sometimes find that I could

not even read the Bible. I then incorporated hymns in my

prayer time; not choruses, but a hearty singing of full hymns.

After singing all the verses in the hymns, I studied each

verse to see how these may have been applicable to my

situation at that time. Now, I had a third tool to sustain me;

the hymns.

My three weapons to ward off evil, sustain me through a

sin-filled haze and maze and to sustain my sanity were my

daily prayers, reading and meditating on the Scriptures in

the Bible and a heartfelt daily singing of hymns. Just like the

Bibles, in several, different versions, I have a collection of

hymn books; so this was easy to implement.

Even though my life remained chaotic and insane my daily

life had order, because I always started off with prayer. At

some point, I thought to myself, “imagine if I could

structure this prayer life and make it a fundamental part of

my lifestyle?’ I then did just that; and, slowly, this new

lifestyle of praise and worship, prayer, meditation and

reflection had then started to bring stability into my life,

irrespective of whatever else was going on.

The prayer meetings are now a regular in my daughter,

Mothei’s household, and like her mother, my granddaughter,

Aminah enjoys these spiritually uplifting

meetings, as they make the Bible a relevant tool for her

personal life. Once a week, without fail, we set aside time –

at least an hour and thirty minutes – for family prayers. The

meetings are planned and structured, and we all look

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forward to these sitting, for which we select a Book in the

Bible as a storyline that is relevant to Aminah’s children’s

Bible, as well. To ensure full participation by all, each person

has a role to play.

After we have sang a hymn, one person opens in prayer;

then two of us read a passage from both the adult and

children’s versions of the Bible.

To put the related passage into context, one must read the

summary of the Book, identifying the author and

determining as to whom it could have been written. After

summarising the passage, we identify the lesson in context.

Individually, we explain how the passage might be applying

to our personal lives, and our present situations, as well.

One person would then close in prayer.

Breaking Bread: In addition to prayer, our family meal

table is now a provision for us to partake in Holy

Communion, served as Jesus had intended it to be. NOT

the way it has been made out to be - a separate ceremony

outside of the ordinary eating table. Each time I share a meal

with others, I am mindful of the opportunity for Christ to

be elevated, for what he has done for me and us; In

reconciling us to God and one another and bringing peace.

As I study scripture deeper, I have come to realize that

communion does not have to be a special meal, at a certain

time, with special gadgets. All of the above are man-made

self-serving rules.

Whenever we have a set table, share a meal, passing food

around and pouring drinks for one another; this is a setting

for holy communion. Scripture sets the scene for us: Jesus

instituted holy communion during a meal as part of eating,

at a Passover dinner he hosted. Matthew 26:26 tells us;

“While they were eating [that is in the middle of the meal] Jesus

took a piece of bread, gave a prayer of thanks, broke it and gave it to

his disciples.[it wasn’t special bread, it was leaven bread

prepared for the Passover meal].

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‘Take and eat,’ he said; ‘this is my body.’ [ This means what we

understand as Christians that his body is a Sacrifice for our

sins, given to us freely.] Matthew 26:27 continues: “Then he

took a cup, gave thanks to God, and gave it to them. ‘Drink, all of

you,’ [This was an ordinary cup that they were drinking

from, it was not a special cup. He offered to all seated

around the table.] and said; ‘This is my blood, which seals God’s

covenant, my blood poured out for the forgiveness of sins. Scripture

also reminds us to do this often, it does not stipulate the

time. So, as we eat together we are to remember the

forgiveness we received and the sacrifice made for us to be

forgiven

Understanding and partaking in Holy Communion this way

has helped me understand forgiveness and be willing to make

the sacrifice for forgiveness to take place. Second to my mother’s

advice on humility and respect, I must say the family prayer

meetings and holy communion during family meals have

been the saving grace of my life and family. And for all of

this, I am grateful!

Finally, there is the importance of understanding the

process of healing; like – for an example – the healing of the

leper in Matthew 8:1-4, which entails understanding God’s

grace with no entitlement, being sensitive to God’s loving

touch, and responding to God’s commands, especially after

one has received healing. As has been mentioned, already, I

had to acknowledge not only my faults, but also the desire

to be cleansed and changed into a new person, and

purposely doing things differently. As well as trusting myself

and my worldly wisdom, but allowing God to fix me, my

business and my life, in general; and to also heal my family.

The book is the culmination of my response to God’s

healing, and haring the experience with the world, warts and

all!

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Recipe Index

AFRICAN CUISINE DEFINITION 45

AFRICAN DELICACIES’ 48

African Potato-Amadumbe24

Biltong Sehwapa 49

Maotwana/Chicken Feet 52

Ditloo/Jugo Beans 49

Ditsie/Brown Locusts 49

Traditional Scones 56

Kapenta 50

Kota – Township Street Food 39

Kota Festival 33 ,40

Mageu 33, 55

Magwinya/Vetkoek/Fatcakes 26, 55

Manqena/Trotters (Sheep or Cow) 52

Maotwana 52

Masonja 48

Mealie Snack – Sebera 49

Maize and Bean Soup 61,111

Mopani Worms 48

Roasted Pumpkin Pips 50

Sebera 49

Sehwapa 49

Sheep Head – Skop 52

Snoek Fish Sauce 55

Sorghum and Beans 56

Street food – Kota 39,53

Stinkbug 50

Street Corner Scones 45,56

229

STARTERS 57

Avocado and Smoked

Snoek Salad 58

Baby Brinjal 59

Banana and Bean Salad

58

BBQ Sauce 67

Beef Carpaccio 99

Beetroot Salad 58

Butternut Soup 61

Cape dried fruit

vinaigrette 99

Chakalaka 59

Chicken Livers 60

Chicken Wings with

Whipped Feta Sauce 68

Citrus, Honey and

Mustard Dressing 59

Creamy Garlic Sauce 63

Curried Chicken Salad

60

Delele – Okra 59

Haloumi Cheese 62

Imphwa – 59

Mussels Seshebo 63

Ox/Lamb Livers 64

Peppadew Dressing 62

Peri-Peri Sauce 63

Phyllo Basket 60

Portuguese Soup –

Caldo Verde 61

Snails 62

Soweto beetroot salad 58

White Sauce 63

MAIN COURSE 64

Angwala 75

Black Bream Galjoen 74

Boboti 84

Cassava Mandioca 91

Cheese Sauce 75

Chicken Breasts Panfried

67

Chicken Stew 67

Couscous 91

Crab Curry 84

Crab-Eating Tutorial 85

Diphaphata 79

Dofhi 82

Dumpling 80

Flat Bread 79

Fufu 90

Goat Meat Stew 70

Homemade Bread 80

Impala 70

Kabeljou 74

Kalembula 83

Kingklip Thermidor 74

Lamb Shank 71

Leqebelekwane/Maize

Meal Dumpling 81

Lobster Mayonnaise 78

Mealie Bread 80

Meat Balls 72

230

Medium or

Medium Rare? 98

Mihlo 83

Mogodu 66

Morogo 25

Mutton Potjie 71

Offal Feast 33

Ostrich Kebabs 65

Oxtail 73

Pap 89

Pap Tartlets 90

Phutu 90

Phutu Variety 90

Pilau 70

Portuguese Sardines

Braai 75

Portuguese Sardines 77

Pounded Meat Brisket

69

Prawns Mozambican

Grilled 78

Meat Marinade 101

Roti 83

Samp and Beans 84

Sardines Braai 75

Sardines 77

Sheep Tripe 66

Tomato Olive

Vinaigrette 76

Traditional Chicken Free

Range 66

Tshotlo Pounded Meat

Brisket 69

Umleqwa 66

Umxushu/Samp &

beans 84

Venison Ragout 70

Vhuswa 83

Whole Bream 75

DESSERT 91

Bottled Peaches

Custard and Jelly

Homemade Custard

Hot Ice Cream

Chocolate Ganache

Maize Meal Custard with

Chocolate Sauce

FOOD AND WINE

PAIRING 110

WINE IN SIMPLE TERMS

(Wine List)

1. Defined by the Type

of Grapes

1.1Classic White

Selection

1.2 Classic Red

Selection

1.3 The Pink Wines

2. Defined by the

Production Technique

2.1 Sparkling Wines

2.2 Fortified Wine

2.3 Late Harvest and

Natural Sweet

231

TRADITIONAL DRINKS

107-110

Baobab Fruit Brew

Gemere – Traditional

Ginger Beer 108

Morula Fruit Brew

Pineapple Beer

Mqombothi 108

Watermelon Beer

Wild Medlar Fruit

Yoghurt

HOW TO MAKE A

GOOD CUP OF TEA 118

African High Tea Menu

118

Chapattis 119

Egyptian Tamia

Vegetarian Patties 120

High Tea or Low Tea

117

Koeksusters 121

Malawian Fat Cakes –

Mandazi 120

Masamba Cakes 119

Street Corner Scones 56

Senegalese Pastille 120

Tea Tasting 121

FRESH HERBS OR DRY

HERBS? 176

Fragrant Spices

Full-Bodied Hardy

Herbs

Hot Spices

Spice Mixtures

Tender Herbs

TYPES OF SMALL

CHICKENS 19

TRADITIONAL CHICKEN

Umleqwa – Traditional

Christmas Feast Bird 66

JOINTING A

CHICKEN 19

TSHISA-NYAMA

98

Coconut Cheese

Sauce 75

Meat Cuts 99

Medium or

Medium Rare? 98

Pineapple Marinade 102

Spicy Yoghurt

Meat Marinade 101

VEGETARIAN

Morogo 25

Phutu Variety 90

Egyptian Tamia

Vegetarian Patties 120

Cabbage 62

Tomato and Onion

Sauce 102

Beetroot Sauce 102

Maize and Bean Soup 61

232

TRADITIONAL SAUCES

102

1. Atchaar/Chilli

2. Beetroot Sauce

3. Tomato and Onion

Gravy

OTHER SAUCES 179

Savory Sauces

Savory Extracts-

Essences Alcohol and

cooking

CULINARY

DESTINATIONS 35

Pan African Mall,

Alexandra

Soweto Theatre arts and

crafts fair

Moroka Dam Soweto

Picnic

Dobsonville Road

House Butchery

Soweto Birding

Watching Destination

Soweto Backpackers

Outdoor Restaurant

Reya-Vaya Bus Transit

System

Thokoza Park – Soweto

Kasi Kitchen (Township)

Meat’ & Greet Book

Talks, Culinary

Storytelling

THE DRESS CODE 42

FORCED TO HAVE THE

CONVERSATION179

CONVERSATIONS 187

With my late mother

Mother-Daughter

Mother-Son

Grand-Mother-Granddaughter

Sister-Sister

Sister-Brother

FAMILY DINNERS AND

FAMILY

CONVERSATIONS

176

Ingredients for real

conversations – Rules of

Engagement

Recipe for healthy family

conversations

Sustenance of healthy

family conversations

BREAKING BREAD

227

233

References

1. Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tutu; Made for Goodness, USA,

Harper One 2010.

2. Colleen Sell; A Cup of Comfort for Mothers and

Daughters; USA Adams Media Corporation, 2003

3. John Eldredge; Wild at Heart; Nashville Tennessee,

Thomas Nelson Inc. 2001.

4. Richard Stengel; Mandela’s Way, New York Random

House 2009.

5. Robin Synner & John Cleese; Families and How to

Survive Them, London, Random House 1983.

6. Find Us Faithful, by Bob Russell 1992; Paul Coughlin –

Unleashing Courageous Faith – Minnesota, Bethany House

Publishers 2009.

7. Scripture quotations taken from, The Good News Bible

– Today’s English Version, with Deuteronomical

Books; Copyright 1979, 1996, 2008 – Bible Society of

South Africa.

8. Miriam Feinberg Vamosh; Women at the time of The Bible,

Purple Pomegranate Productions, San Francisco, 2007.

9. Dr Lillian Carson; The Essential Grand Parent’ Health

Communications, Inco, Florida 1996.

10. Susan Scott; Fierce Conversations, Piatkus Books Limited,

London 2002.

11. Karen Kingston; Clear Your Clutter, Piatkus Books

Limited Books 2000.

12. Don Michael Ruiz, The Four Agreements, Amber Allen

Publishing, San Rafael, California 1997.

13. Trevor Hudson with Morton Kelsey; Journey of the Spirit,

Struik Christian Books 2000.

14. Ceil and Moishe Rosen; Christ in the Passover, Moody

Press 1978.

234

About The Author

Eunice Rakhale-Molefe is the founder and owner of Book

Tourism Trading (Pty) LTD an imprint of CEM Publishers.

The company was established in 2009. Since then Eunice

has published 22 titles (three of these her own) and 13

independent authors. One of these authors, Thembeka

Cynthia Sesi, is a winner of the South African Pan African

Language Board Award for 2016/2017 in the isiXhosa

poems category. Of the 22 titles, ten titles are listed in the

Gauteng Education and Training Department’s ESP

Catalogue as library resources.

235

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SOUTH AFRICAN CULINARY HERITAGE

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