July 2022

19
A light in the darkness
North Star’s creator Lori’s long and bumpy road to happiness
By LORI HAMILTON
“WHAT DID you do today that
only you could have done?” this is
the question that saved my life.
You see, I was born to a mum
who called me “the child who
ruined my life” and suggested to
my nine-year-old self that “if I
knew I was a bad person (like
you), I would kill myself.”
I’ve always been willing to
share my story with close friends,
with the hope that my experience
might help someone else. But it’s
very different to tell that story
to the world, which is what I’m
doing with my piece North Star
(what I listened to
instead of my intuition), at the
Edinburgh Fringe.
Writing about mental health
can be dicey. I am not an expert.
All I can do is share what I went
through and hope it provides
some inspiration or a way out
to others.
It’s tough because there are lots
of questions. Do I have something
to say? Is it OK to tell the truth
about my family? Is what I’m
sharing helpful or just a terrible
story that will traumatise others?
All these came up in the seven
years I’ve been working on North
Star. My goal was to be honest, to
show the light, the dark, the
comedy and pathos in my bumpy
road to happiness. There’s no
quick fix. It’s highly irresponsible
when someone says “all I did was
X and it all got better”. Cue my
suspicious face.
Instead, I’ve worked to give the
audience a bird’s eye view of my
many efforts to climb out of the
well that is depression. Some
worked, some didn’t. There’s a
Guardian Angel character in the
mix, which represents my
intuition – something I stopped
listening to after being told that
everything I did, said and thought
was “bad.”
The hardest part was to let the
world into my carefully hidden
world. I make my living as an
entrepreneur in New York. No one
wants to work with the
entrepreneur who isn’t JUST FINE.
I am an expert at looking “fine” at
all times.
We are all a mix of things. In
some ways I’m smart, in others
not. In some ways I am strong but
I’ve struggled with depression
and suicide.
I try to offer empathy with
North Star, saying, “I have been in
the well, and I got out. Here were
the ladders (books, support,
ideas) I used. I don’t know if they
will work for you, but there are
thousands of resources in the
world, keep looking until you find
the ones for you”.
As I say in the play, I don’t know
what you’ll do today that only you
could have done. Maybe play with
a kitten or a child, smile at a
barista, or cry on someone’s
shoulder and let them feel valued
by helping you. Just know that it
matters and you matter.
• See www.northstar-theshow.com
• North Star is at theSpace@
SurgeonsHall, Haldane Theatre,
5-13 August.
Tickets at: www.edfringe.com
Exploring
humanity
and conflict
A RADIO crackles, a doorbell
rings – a woman answers, filled
with dread. Tempus Fugit: Troy
and Us is one of the productions
at Army@TheFringe that explores
humanity and conflict.
In this first case it’s the age-old
experience of wives and warriors,
from doomed Hector and
Andromache in Homer’s Iliad, to
British troops in Afghanistan.
Praised for stunning mask
work and physical storytelling,
this production is profoundly
authentic, having been
researched with actual military
couples. It reveals the love, loss,
grief and resilience of couples
living in the shadows of war.
Then there is Oli Yellop’s I am
Gavrilo Princip which finds the
young assassin of Archduke Franz
Ferdinand in purgatory. Unaware
of the appalling consequences,
he’s not bad enough for hell or
good enough for heaven.
I am Gavrilo Princip is a
critically acclaimed masterclass
in the nature of history as
chaos, cruelty.
· Tempus Fugit: Troy and Us,
16-21 and 23-28 August,
· I am Gavrilo Princip 23-28
August0
Tickets at: www.edfringe.com