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Vanguard, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2022 — 23<br />
Why y I am a woman and a half<br />
—Chile Frank-Udemgba<br />
FIVE years ago, Woman<br />
and Half, a recreational<br />
initiative, was born out of the<br />
modern, urban woman’s<br />
pressing need for relaxation<br />
and self expression; one which<br />
the male-dominated culture<br />
had hitherto not created<br />
allowance to accommodate.<br />
The<br />
initiative’s<br />
founder, Chile Frank-<br />
Udemgba tells all to WO,<br />
including its charity arm, and<br />
the reason for its impending<br />
rebranding to WAH by Chile.<br />
After 15 years working for a top<br />
financial institution, a husband<br />
and two children; Chile Frank-<br />
Udemgba found herself lost in her<br />
various roles and needed to do<br />
something about it. “I had a<br />
brainwave that my life was very<br />
boring. I was living through the<br />
motions and it just felt like I was<br />
lost in all of these roles. I didn’t<br />
want to wake up 20 years from<br />
now, an old woman and I have<br />
lived for everybody but myself. I<br />
was busy but not having any<br />
impact so I asked myself, what<br />
would be written on my obituary?<br />
The only thing would be, wife to....<br />
mother to...<br />
“I am pretty certain they<br />
wouldn’t have put my job<br />
description there. I was not alone<br />
but very lonely.”<br />
Chile had a hunch there were<br />
very many women in her shoes<br />
who were living colourless lives.<br />
She reached out to them and this<br />
led to the birth of her platform,<br />
Woman and Half.<br />
“I was not just a woman,” she<br />
tells WO. “I am balancing so many<br />
roles in my life. I am more than a<br />
woman; I am a woman and a<br />
half.”<br />
It was almost like a cry for help,<br />
according to the seasoned banker.<br />
“It was my own earnest desire to<br />
break out from a particular life,<br />
to find that little girl within me.”<br />
She started to search for like<br />
minds who wanted to simply drop<br />
all their cares, mingle and have<br />
fun regardless of marital status<br />
and was not surprised it was well<br />
received.<br />
“I’ve attended so many women<br />
empowerment events. They tell<br />
you<br />
about<br />
motivation, empowerment,<br />
marriage and so on. I felt that all<br />
those programs were similar and<br />
tilted in a certain direction. They<br />
are pushing towards<br />
empowerment, feminism; such<br />
undertones. I wanted to be<br />
intentional about having fun with<br />
other women and pretending I<br />
don’t have those responsibilities.<br />
We can go back to our lives and<br />
continue the struggle. Men are<br />
able to do this very comfortably.”<br />
Her ultimate goal to create what<br />
was hitherto a culturally<br />
inappropriate ethos finally<br />
became reality with the staging<br />
of annual events, such as last<br />
year’s women only boat trip to a<br />
popular resort in Lagos State.<br />
“On the staycation, nobody was<br />
worried about their spouses, their<br />
kids, challenges at work; we just<br />
wanted to let our hair down.”<br />
But how easy was it to convince<br />
the men?<br />
“From my personal experience,<br />
there were things I had assumed.<br />
Over the years, I thought a woman<br />
is supposed to stay at home, cook.<br />
Rightly so, that’s the way we<br />
were brought up. I realised I<br />
needed to speak up more about the<br />
way I felt.<br />
"It was all about<br />
planning, ensuring I got the buyin<br />
of my husband. I make sure to<br />
create that balance that is<br />
required.<br />
"I make sure I give adequate<br />
notice and more importantly, I<br />
convey that this is something<br />
that will make me happy. It’s very<br />
important.”<br />
Chile, however, slams the<br />
notion of rebellion, saying the<br />
craving for one’s own time and self<br />
care is not an excuse to take things<br />
by force.<br />
“The culture expects things to<br />
be a certain way so you need to<br />
show this is just you wanting two<br />
or three days for yourself. Your<br />
life is not changing.”<br />
It wasn’t too long afterwards<br />
that the charity arm of the<br />
initiative began, mostly by<br />
accident, so far raising and<br />
distributing in excess of N67<br />
million to the sick.<br />
“It occurred to me that every<br />
time I went to Gbagada General<br />
Hospital to jog, I saw people in need<br />
of small amounts and I realised I<br />
could help. It occurred to me that<br />
if I were to reach out to all my<br />
friends and ask for N1,000; if I<br />
reach a hundred friends, that is<br />
N100,000 .”<br />
In December 2017, Chile sent a<br />
WhatsApp to her friends telling<br />
them she wanted to create a<br />
miracle. The response was<br />
overwhelming, birthing the so<br />
styled 1k Miracle Initiative.<br />
1k Miracle first gave out about a<br />
N100,000 in the first year and<br />
There’s no place<br />
for the middle<br />
aged woman to<br />
lay her head and<br />
just chill<br />
has grown from two people to 700<br />
people. The initiative was recently<br />
featured on Who Wants to be a<br />
Millionaire where they won<br />
N500,000, which was doubled by<br />
the organisers and given to the<br />
sick.<br />
”We then started going to other<br />
hospitals like LUTH, LASUTH,<br />
Igbobi, Massey. Then the<br />
pandemic came and we couldn’t<br />
go physically anymore. But I<br />
think that presented a better<br />
opportunity to go outside Lagos.<br />
We could now spread our<br />
tentacles.“<br />
Over time, the charity<br />
developed efficient systems for<br />
case reviews and accountability,<br />
assisting medical cases from<br />
cataracts, to cancer, to childbirth.<br />
Beneficiaries then send their<br />
thank you videos as evidence.<br />
“Those are things that have<br />
created that sense of identity and<br />
fulfillment for me,” she said.<br />
“For Woman and Half, the plans<br />
are to have a launch party in<br />
2022 and go to Ghana next year,<br />
or Mauritius. Every year, we<br />
have a conference type thing. It’s<br />
been an interesting journey. A lot<br />
of women connected because we<br />
wear masks.<br />
I had a lady that said to me:<br />
"Please, I don’t want to come to all<br />
these women’s programmes. By<br />
the time you leave, you will feel<br />
inadequate."<br />
I said no, our programmes are not<br />
like that. We have people on the<br />
panels discussing light hearted<br />
issues, though important. Eighty<br />
per cent of what we are doing is<br />
dancing, fashion parade, singing<br />
competitions. The last programme<br />
that we had, the person who won<br />
the fashion parade was the oldest<br />
woman in the room, a 65-year-old<br />
woman. She said she could not even<br />
remember the last time she had so<br />
much fun. When you are younger,<br />
you go to clubs. When you are<br />
married you will then find that all<br />
the places you are going to are like<br />
Mr Biggs where you take your<br />
children to and then as they grow<br />
and leave you, the only<br />
entertainment you have is<br />
church. When you get to club now,<br />
it’s these half dressed girls so you<br />
just feel old.<br />
"You just find that there’s no place<br />
for the middle aged woman to lay<br />
her head and just chill. Men have<br />
viewing centres but there’s no place<br />
for women to go without spending<br />
so much."<br />
For Chile, Woman and Half is<br />
about reaching out to three groups<br />
of women; The Strivers, the<br />
Thrivers and the Achieverswomen<br />
who have done it all, seen<br />
it all and are now ready to mentor<br />
the upcoming ones.<br />
“It’s not marriage that will<br />
complete you. If you are a Thriver,<br />
how are you embracing the fact<br />
that your children are no longer<br />
babies and yet they are not adults<br />
either? So if you are not thriving,<br />
you will feel neglected. Suddenly,<br />
you are no longer relevant. Your<br />
husband will go out and the only<br />
thing you have is to channel your<br />
energy into this same work that<br />
you have done for so many years<br />
and you are tired of.<br />
Our happiness is not dependent<br />
on our family members”.<br />
In the immediate<br />
future, Woman and Half will be<br />
rebranded into WAH by Chile, for<br />
two reasons. One is to pull the men<br />
in.<br />
”It’s not supposed to be an us<br />
against them but<br />
a complimentary thing. ‘Women<br />
are their worst enemies’ is a cliche,<br />
Chile Frank-Udemgba<br />
Domestic violence: Coalition takes war against<br />
rape to Lagos streets<br />
By Juliet Umeh<br />
IN collaboration with<br />
the Lagos State Domestic<br />
and Sexual Violence Agency,<br />
Youth Alive Foundation and<br />
Lagos SAVE cluster, took the<br />
message of zero- tolerance for<br />
domestic and sexual violence to<br />
the streets of Lagos State in Iba<br />
Local<br />
Community<br />
Development Area recently.<br />
The road awareness walk took<br />
off at the Iyana School Bus Stop<br />
along the major road, to the<br />
Local Government Secretariat<br />
and its environs.<br />
With the objective to sensitize<br />
the people at the grassroots on<br />
the need to explore necessary<br />
mechanisms available through<br />
the newly established Domestic<br />
and Sexual Violence Agency<br />
Law by the government, the<br />
Coalition used the avenue to<br />
draw the line between getting<br />
justice for victims of domestic<br />
but I say, human beings are their<br />
own worst enemies. Gender is not<br />
what makes a wicked person,<br />
your wickedness is inside. WAH<br />
by Chile is not a feminist<br />
movement. We are trying to<br />
develop women who are strong<br />
and confident in their<br />
skin, trying to get<br />
better, committed to driving<br />
positive impact in our world. If we<br />
can give away more than N65<br />
million to medically- challenged<br />
persons, it just tells you that if<br />
there are 10 groups, we won’t be<br />
seeing people die because they<br />
can’t afford a pint of blood<br />
“Secondly, Chile might be<br />
violence and exploitation of<br />
women and girls in the state.<br />
The Programs Officer, Youth<br />
Alive Foundation and the<br />
Awareness Walk’s Coordinator,<br />
Feyikemi Fabiyi, disclosed that<br />
the project was funded by the<br />
Commonwealth Foundation.<br />
According to her, the<br />
Coalition has carried out lots of<br />
community sensitization and<br />
Town hall meetings in different<br />
locations in Lagos State where<br />
representatives from different<br />
NGO networks, community<br />
leaders, traditional leaders and<br />
community development<br />
leaders, market women,<br />
community women, girls, and<br />
youth were made SAVE<br />
ambassadors to disseminate<br />
and to sensitize the people on<br />
the Lagos State Law, which is<br />
also one of the success stories<br />
of the cluster.<br />
“The SAVE cluster and other<br />
volunteers were at the Iba LCDA<br />
my name but it’s<br />
representative of that man,<br />
that woman who is<br />
courageous, humble, doesn’t<br />
compromise on their<br />
integrity, lives their life with<br />
courage, being humble no<br />
matter what they have<br />
achieved.<br />
Are you a Chile? Someone<br />
that is facing every day with<br />
courage, without losing<br />
yourself, showing love to<br />
everyone you come across and<br />
while at it, enjoying it? Enjoy<br />
your struggles. Whatever<br />
comes at you, take it without<br />
thinking, I want to be this<br />
tomorrow. What about today?<br />
to raise awareness about the<br />
Lagos Law on Domestic and<br />
Sexual Violence. A<br />
representative of the Lagos<br />
State Domestic and Sexual<br />
Violence Agency, Mr. Dayo<br />
Adetunji, addressed the issue of<br />
sexual harassment in Lagos and<br />
Nigeria at large as it continues<br />
to be a prevalent public health<br />
issue and a violation of human<br />
rights associated with so many<br />
negative consequences.<br />
In her reaction, Executive<br />
Director, Grassroots People<br />
and Gender Development<br />
Center, Vivian Emesowum,<br />
said Lagos SAVE Clusters<br />
have been working to ensure<br />
that cases of sexual and<br />
psychological abuse are<br />
reduced to the barest<br />
minimum. She said: “The<br />
SAVE Cluster will bring about<br />
behavioral change so that we<br />
can drastically reduce the<br />
number of sexually abused<br />
victims in Lagos.”
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