Green Book 2022: Tomorrow We'll Be Sore

As the COVID-induced border fence finally came down in early March, Greg asked if anyone
could help out with grading juniors for community teams. Several hands went up but Jorge
conditioned his participation on the kids knowing how to play 3-5-2. Jokes aside, with the
squad seemingly locked up the WhatsApp started bubbling with suggestions on what
formation to mostly play this year. Predictably, the suggestions ranged from meritorious to
stupid(ly funny) but the 3-5-2 was like a weed you can get rid off but never truly kill. While
getting good numbers of Greens on Thursday’s small pitch training, we could of course
never really practice formations other than in our heads. This and the dangerous overstatement
of our abilities made us hardly wait for the first preseason matches.
Speaking of statement of abilities, the trouble these days is everyone has a phone to record
stuff they may regret later. After a Thursday night training, the now-left-but-never-gone
Green Andrew claimed he is the ‘fastest man in MUMFC Masters’. This bold statement in the
company of lightning-footed Daniel was (un)fortunately captured and immediately set off a
frenzy at Greenbet.com. Fortunately cool heads and a hamstring-preservation reflex kicked
in pretty soon too. As much as we would like to see this settled one way or another, we also
wanted to start the season with the full squad. And yes, the season was almost upon us too.
When MUMFC arranged a preseason game against Perth Saints we got a few Greens to sign
up for the effort with Renzo jokingly challenged to give a pre-game talk. When Renzo speaks
people listen. Trouble is, the quiet gent we know rarely does so and this makes him an easy
target for his witty, fast-fingered and sometimes brutally laconic WhatsApp teammates.
On the day, we ran out on the pitch at Tompkins Park not as full Greens but instead a
slapped together combo of Greens, Reds and a couple of As. It was great though to stretch
our eyes and legs over the full rather than half pitch we have trained on all summer.
And boy did we get a ‘stretching’ first up …
Sunday 13 March, Tompkins Park, Attadale
Perth Saints v MUM FC 45+
14 — 0 (Friendly, preseason)
You know you’re in for a tough afternoon when you REALLY look forward to a post-game
beer for the last 89 minutes of the game. The beer did eventually come but so did the pile of
goals against us that would make a game of water polo (scores usually around 10-12 for
those not in the know, also played in quarters like this pre-season hot weather game) a
pretty high scoring one.
So let’s not talk about goals or scoreline but about the heroics of our Masters (the babyfaced
bastards that played us should not be wearing THAT moniker for say another 10 years)
this afternoon.
Conrad, one of our fitter blokes playing out wide, was heaving and keeling over after less
than a short ad break on commercial TV after kick off. Pagey the Captain Courageous of this
hopeless ship was a walking ad for Band Aid with a bleeding face while Rooney was making
love to his massager contraption every time he came off for a short stint,