Green Book 2022: Tomorrow We'll Be Sore

“Outstanding! Now I know what not to do.”
Guardiola
Green Book
2022
Tomorrow we’ll be sore

Come along for a rollercoaster ride of a season with a motley
crew of men from many walks of life playing the world game for
a suburban football club.
Laugh, cry or perhaps marvel at the inner workings of the thing
that keeps them out of the house for many hours and glimpse
the messy, uncomplicated beauty that is blokes playing sport.
"What a load of bollocks! And all of it true."
Fellow Perth Metro Masters 45+ player
"That’s a Red! Oops … wrong colour"
V.A., Referee
"So THIS is what he does on Sundays... ”
Wife
"They may not have won much but these guys kept my bar going all year round."
David ‘Westy’ Westwood
“This will either get you to sign up for Masters football or make you quit it.”
Football West representative
"It’s their horrible singing after the game that made us want to beat them next time."
Opponent, Masters Metro South 45+ B Division
"I pray that Optus did not disclose my address to Ely."
Concerned citizen
“A Netflix series in the making. Hector is outstanding when there and not there.”
Steven Spellberg

“Outstanding! Now I know what not to do.”
Guardiola
Green Book
2022
Tomorrow we’ll be sore

What gets twenty men around fifty from around the world, all with different amounts of
sporting experience, skill levels, backgrounds, expectations, personalities and motivations,
in stifling heat or driving rain, often sore, tired or injured to some degree, to gather week
after week and go through physical and emotional highs and lows for seven months of the
year?
The answer is on the pages of a publication you are about to read. It is an attempt to capture
not only the events and facts but the spirit of a season playing Masters football. Every team
at this level is of course slightly different and have their own paths, quirks and personalities
but probably share a lot with the story of Murdoch Melville University Football Club
(MUM FC) 45+ Green team.
The story is for mature eyes only and please excuse the odd remark, expletive or image in it.
It is however a raw, honest record of a football season painted through a series of WhatsApp
posts, game reports and rounded at the edges with a bit of humour and poetic licence by
one of the protagonists.
Welcome to the Green Book 2022!
You are free to use, remix, adapt, and build upon this work but only
non-commercially and as long as you credit the author and license
your new creation under the identical terms.
Author: Tomaz Lasic, 2022 (lasicemail@gmail.com)

As glasses started to empty and laughs grew bigger, we recognised that despite finishing
“in the bottom third” of the league, the 2021 season had been the Greens’ best in a long time
if not ever. Now this may sound like a team with the bar set so low that ants can’t get under
it but in the context of the more recent Melville/MUMFC football ecosystem, Greens had traditionally
been the whipping boys. You know, that team that genuinely tries but remains quietly
grateful there is no relegation and no lower level of competition either.
After a pretty poor start to 2021, the unexpected beating of the more fancied MUMFC Reds
injected confidence in the team and caused a run of wins, only to end up swapping the
much wanted (apparently…) 7th spot for 8th with the same lot in the postponed derby on
the last day of the season (pictured). Same on points but with one goal worse goal difference!
If not familiar, ‘Reds’ are the other MUMFC team playing in our 45+ Metro South Division
B. They are our ‘sister team’ that we so like to beat and rubbish (the feeling is mutual…)
but actually train and drink beer with every Thursday night.

A few games into the last season we quietly iced the 3-5-2 formation that Jorge (George) had
tried to explain to us in an unforgettable thread of about 50 consecutive WhatsApp posts
containing text, videos and schematics earlier in the year. We mention this because 3-5-2 not
only made a brief and again spectacularly ineffective appearance at the start of 2022 season
but Jorge’s 3-5-2 videos and his professed love for it have become a part of Greens’ folklore.
It is why Ely caused a lot of sudden beer spray on the day with his perfectly timed deadpan
response to the question on the whereabouts of a teammate.
On the business side of things, Greens grew ambitious. Sure, there was a direct correlation
between the number of beers drank on the day and our aspirations going from finishing
“top five” next year to “top three” to “winning the league”. But with most of the legs we had
last year, the recently crowned Club Champion Andrew Seaber on board and perhaps with a
few reinforcements, we were going to have a realistic shot at ‘glory’ that others may call ‘midto-top-table
finish in 2022’. Our defence grew stingy through 2021, we had plenty of midfielders,
we just had to get a bit of firepower at the front. We started asking around and even
the odd taxi drivers were keen to boast about their credentials but no real takers.
As we brainstormed who might bolster our attack, Sam Kerr was making media headlines by
shirtfronting a pitch invader. She would be a perfect fit as one of the two ‘under 45’ players
allowed in our league. Perfect not only as a striker but in terms of attitude, as expressed in
Greg’s clever paraphrase of the timeless words by our Muz when receiving a red card. But
for all of Muz’s cash handling skills, our depleted budget, especially after the beers at Otherside,
meant that champion Sam would need to keep playing for Chelsea to earn her crust.

The WhatsApp line grew a little quiet towards Christmas. The world faced the new and more
contagious ‘Omicron’ COVID strain but we simply added some more self-congratulations for
staying locked in our hermetically sealed WA house that was to open to ‘hell’ on 5th of
February. Donning the masks again for Christmas courtesy of a French backpacker and
avoiding unnecessary movement gave us time to flick through some photo albums of the
past year. In one of them was the curious photo of Renzo trying to contest the ball like a
ninja dropping on the poor unsuspecting bastard.
Very soon this photo became a sticker, a faux poster for protecting Perth beaches from
recent shark attacks and even a stylised comparison with the well known Air Jordan/Nike
logo image. And if Michael Jordan can have his T-shirt so can our Renzo, right? Liam’s
suggestion soon turned into some rough designs, the votes went around to agree on the
colour and tagline and before you knew it - we placed an order for a bunch of lovely green
shirts with the now iconic Air Renzo logo on the front.
In case you wonder about the tagline (‘Just made it’) - it’s not a typo from ‘Just do it’. It is a
nod both to Renzo’s legendary (lack of) ability to find the ground we play on and (not) get
there on time last season as well as our collective willingness to ‘just make it’ sometimes, especially
when the going gets tough. Too bloody clever for our own good sometimes …
Every member of the Green tribe ordered the shirt, some multiples too, and you could soon
spot us from 200 yards out on those warm Thursday evenings after training at Len Shearer.
Making such a visible commitment to the Green cause was a great way to start the year.

As we cheered in 2022, there came a repeated suggestion to play Ely up the front this year.
Sure it was still January but by then Jorge hadn’t schmoozed any poor unsuspecting striker,
real or still in the closet, to join us. To those who may not know him, Ely is a pretty quiet,
unsuspecting and mild-mannered guy who plays in our backline - but not one to be messed
with. A few opposing wingers and strikers found that out the hard way during the last
season when they clattered into, grappled with, got bumped off, mowed down or wrestled
with our ‘enforcer’. But as it is so often the case in the Greens universe, his fame grew with
the amount of generated laughs to the point where for anything to be sorted with a quiet
stare and threat of violence - we ‘just call Ely’. There are simply too many funny references to
Ely’s ‘persuasive powers’ in our WhatsApp feed to feature but keep an eye on them throughout
this chronicle. And if ‘Ely gets what Ely wants’ we may have a new striker, right?
Speaking of Ely, during the previous season we chipped in to help his Mum with the cost of
COVID hospitalisation in their home in Venezuela but sadly the virus prevailed. We rallied
around our teammate just like we had done when Andrew lost his father to COVID in South
Africa earlier that year. And the team rallied again this year when Tomaz announced he had
to suddenly travel to Slovenia to see his father, recently diagnosed with an aggressive and
terminal cancer. Within minutes the WhatsApp feed filled with best wishes, offers of help
and reflections on one’s own circumstances. That’s Greens for you, more than just football
hijinks.
While Tomaz swapped the sweltering Perth for wintry Slovenia for a month, Djokovic got
deported in three sets much to the cheers of Australia. Soon after, McGowan reneged on the
5th of February border opening while Putin saw fit to start the invasion of Ukraine. None of
this of course stopped the Greens chatter. In readying himself for another season of contact
sport that football is, Muz made a public New Year’s resolution about the changes to his
communication style this year. If not ref’s fault, who was going to cop it this year?

At the end of January, the Greens’ camp sizzled not just in the record-breaking heat waves
but with the exciting news that we managed to shake hands with two terrific players to join
us in 2022. Daniel was exactly the talent we were looking for at the front. We had been admiring
(or cursing, depending which side you played for) Daniel’s speed and deadly finishing
at Thursday training for a few weeks and imagined how well he’d look in Green. The combination
of ample friendly banter, bullshit and laughter, led by the ever-ready, leaned out, recovered
and ever positive and persuasive Jorge worked its magic. You couldn’t wipe the
smile off our faces when we saw Hector posing as the manager and Daniel as the new signing
in a pro-looking shot.
Only a day after, Jorge made his namesake Mendes (Ronaldo’s agent) look amateur and
went one more! He announced that Frankie is making a return to football and will play for
Greens in 2022. Many of us never saw Frankie before but as soon as we did we knew why
Jorge was so excited about him putting the boots on again for us.
With this squad, Greens were a pretty damn fine bandwagon to jump on for anyone over 45
but it was all pretty much still provisional in the eyes of MUMFC and Football West. Now, the
words and handshakes of commitment had to be backed by cold, hard bank transfers (no
one deals in cash anymore, only refs really; or as Muz would say “hard to track” …). You
could hear Jorge’s genuine excitement in his legendary, and accurate, assessment of the
value of a season sign up.
Football West are well known for their efficiency and their search for a new and even more
useless and cumbersome sign up system worked perfectly, again. There were some very
kind, in a very Greens way, offers from teammates to help Renzo navigate the registration
site with a map he is so good at reading. At the same time, Tomaz could only enrol in certain
levels of football, some of which Muz would apparently find no problem in fitting in.

But there of course had to be some sort of twist in this story or we wouldn’t be talking
Greens. Andrew Seaber, last year’s Club Champion, fantastic player and a Green at heart,
was to be snapped up by the expanding and ambitious 35s. While we grumbingly admitted
inside that is probably his most natural fit we outwardly protested and even threatened to
send in Ely … but the deal seemed to have been sealed. Ah well, at least he didn’t go to the
Reds or he would not hear the end of ‘selling out’ for all the professed love for Greens and
regular piss-taking on WhatsApp. We wished Andrew all the best of course … but left the
idea of returning to Greens coming back to him like a cork on a tide.
With Eastern states well and truly Omicroned the border started leaking and masks were
well and truly back on our gobs towards the end of February. It was also the time for the
MUMFC Masters Ashes cricket match between the Poms and Aussies. Greens were strongly
represented in both teams. Our very own Brad ‘Max’ Power actually topped the runs for the
victorious Aussies (31), followed by Murray ‘Muzza’ Petrone (29) and Conrad ‘Octopus’
Sumich (24). The event raised over $600 for the Buster Vogt Heart Foundation in memory of
a 14 year old MUMFC junior player who suddenly passed away a couple of years ago. The
occasion was marred only by Brad Hames’ email the next day that a couple of kids attending
tested positive for COVID in the morning. Suddenly, everyone got to learn what RATs are for
and how to use them. Well, most people ...
A couple of days after the MUMFC Ashes, Brad Hames sent out the first official squad lists. It
was good to see many old names and not only Daniel and Frankie but also Felipe and Mo
going Green in 2022 too. The long and strong list featured our ages that we rarely see or
care about otherwise and it was interesting to put the complaints about ‘getting old’ in some
sort of context. The eagled-eyed (for his age…) ‘Nonno Petrone’ also spotted a curious measurement
next to Jorge’s name and we simply wondered if THAT was the source of his wonderfully
infectious pride and confidence.

The shortest month of the year finished with our very own Hector attempting his first ever
swim to Rottnest in a team of four. Only seven months before, Hector could puff out just a
few laps in the pool. Since then, a lot of training and dedication had shaped him up well for
the classic open water challenge.
We wished Hector well and the first shark jokes started on WhatsApp before he even got
wet. Big events like this now all have a live tracking of participants so we thought we would
follow and cheer on our fearless swimmer throughout the choppy crossing. At first, we
couldn’t find his number anywhere between Cottesloe and Rottnest. Not at the front, not in
the bulge of numbers in the middle, not even at the back. What’s going on? About to give up,
someone zoomed out the map and there was our ‘Hector’, on Fremantle wharf, maybe
about to catch a boat across? Half an hour later, Hector’s race number icon was spotted at a
place called Kinky Lizard, then Hungry Jacks on Canning Highway!
With no news or status confirmations from our intrepid swimmer, we expectedly littered
WhatsApp with speculations which we knew Hector was going to read. Eventually we heard
from the man himself in the afternoon. The day simply went from bad to worse and resulted
in the team not at HJs on Canning Highway but pulling out in heavy seas and down to two
functional swimmers.
Gutsy effort and a memorable experience for Hector and his swimming team but ever since
then our football team somehow ‘just knows’ where to look for Hector if not found.

As the COVID-induced border fence finally came down in early March, Greg asked if anyone
could help out with grading juniors for community teams. Several hands went up but Jorge
conditioned his participation on the kids knowing how to play 3-5-2. Jokes aside, with the
squad seemingly locked up the WhatsApp started bubbling with suggestions on what
formation to mostly play this year. Predictably, the suggestions ranged from meritorious to
stupid(ly funny) but the 3-5-2 was like a weed you can get rid off but never truly kill. While
getting good numbers of Greens on Thursday’s small pitch training, we could of course
never really practice formations other than in our heads. This and the dangerous overstatement
of our abilities made us hardly wait for the first preseason matches.
Speaking of statement of abilities, the trouble these days is everyone has a phone to record
stuff they may regret later. After a Thursday night training, the now-left-but-never-gone
Green Andrew claimed he is the ‘fastest man in MUMFC Masters’. This bold statement in the
company of lightning-footed Daniel was (un)fortunately captured and immediately set off a
frenzy at Greenbet.com. Fortunately cool heads and a hamstring-preservation reflex kicked
in pretty soon too. As much as we would like to see this settled one way or another, we also
wanted to start the season with the full squad. And yes, the season was almost upon us too.
When MUMFC arranged a preseason game against Perth Saints we got a few Greens to sign
up for the effort with Renzo jokingly challenged to give a pre-game talk. When Renzo speaks
people listen. Trouble is, the quiet gent we know rarely does so and this makes him an easy
target for his witty, fast-fingered and sometimes brutally laconic WhatsApp teammates.
On the day, we ran out on the pitch at Tompkins Park not as full Greens but instead a
slapped together combo of Greens, Reds and a couple of As. It was great though to stretch
our eyes and legs over the full rather than half pitch we have trained on all summer.
And boy did we get a ‘stretching’ first up …
Sunday 13 March, Tompkins Park, Attadale
Perth Saints v MUM FC 45+
14 — 0 (Friendly, preseason)
You know you’re in for a tough afternoon when you REALLY look forward to a post-game
beer for the last 89 minutes of the game. The beer did eventually come but so did the pile of
goals against us that would make a game of water polo (scores usually around 10-12 for
those not in the know, also played in quarters like this pre-season hot weather game) a
pretty high scoring one.
So let’s not talk about goals or scoreline but about the heroics of our Masters (the babyfaced
bastards that played us should not be wearing THAT moniker for say another 10 years)
this afternoon.
Conrad, one of our fitter blokes playing out wide, was heaving and keeling over after less
than a short ad break on commercial TV after kick off. Pagey the Captain Courageous of this
hopeless ship was a walking ad for Band Aid with a bleeding face while Rooney was making
love to his massager contraption every time he came off for a short stint,

Jason, Stu and Li were having to put up with and shut blokes who were close to warp speed
all afternoon, Steve gave it his rock’n’roll ‘fuck’em’ best down the flank, Lee and Leo may
have been starved of any meaningful supply up front but never gave up talking up our
chances and frustrations, Mark came for the life-giving second half, Muz graciously came
from the (very quiet…) front line to fortify our backline with some actual legs that could
match the fancy footed baby face killers, Liam did his best at failed attempts to scare them
off with his height, Hector helped out first half then probably swam to goddam Rotto again,
and Greg offered his help from the sidelines with flag in his hands. And more. Oh and the
writer of this report copped it from his younger son keeper for now having the family record
of most goals past while just about bathing in Voltaren from a ‘high volume’ (nice way of putting
it, innit?) of mostly hopeless dives for the pinball and run-ins with fast advancing strikers
all afternoon.
Alas, not all was bad! Lee did manage to almost embarrass their first half keeper for his
vertical deficiency (read short arse) and Rooney registered a legit header on target in the
second … but the rest of time we kept wondering who in this COVID kissed hermit kingdom
had the wisdom to match a dozen grey(ing) foxes over 45 with half not just any but the
WINNING 35s team from last year’s comp and barely a handful of blokes who must have
recently been so proud of blowing 45 candles of their birthday cake.
Ah well, we had a good run, a couple of five-touch passages of play and a beer after with a
story to tell. What matters, right? I hear one of those seniors insurance companies is looking
for stars in their new ad campaign …
Reactions soon followed ranging from comparisons with a similar drubbing in the Cup last
year, graphic accounts of exhaustion to ignorant ribbing by those who didn’t witness the
spectacularly mismatched bloodbath. You know it was tough if Muz drained his battery but
the WhatsApp banter made it easier for all to chuckle off the whole thing.
Later in the week we found out that Randall had organised a game for a MUMFC 45s team
against Fremantle next week. We put the hands up as it offered a perfect chance to forget
this debacle and play as Greens for the first time this season. The troubling thing though
was that no one was that keen to run the team during the game. Then came the suggestion
for Hector to do the job. Little did we or Hector know what taking up the hot seat meant for
the season ahead...

Soon after we got the first ‘final’ squad list for the season and the never-say-die hopes of
seeing Andrew in Green were dashed with his first MOTM appearance for the 35s. Never
mind - we had people lining up with aspirations of scoring, playing better than each other
(not hard that…) and generally making claims only an over-confident group of middle aged
blokes could. Soon, it would all be put to the test in our first preseason game as full Greens
against Fremantle.
As the game approached so did the firsts. First ‘can’t make it’, first questions about the kit to
wear, first street directions for the phone-challenged, first COVID case in the team … but not
the first jab at Renzo for giving a team talk. Renzo’s clever response could just about be
turned into a laminated poster to unfurl at every game for the rest of the year instead of
having a team talk. Even Jorge liked the bit about the balls.
Although this was the first Greens game for the year, we happily included Ross from Reds
whose family was fleeing Ukraine and who welcomed a bit of football relief from his worries.
Unbeknown to the (very protective) 35s manager, Andrew thought it would be great to have
one last Friday night fling with the Green Machine before a season with the young guns. We
could not say no to a brother whose heart is Green could we?
With some dodgy individual promises of polishing boots and heads if a hat-trick was scored
we kicked things off on a stinky humid March Friday night…
Friday 25 March, Hilton Park
Fremantle City v MUM FC Green
3 — 4 (Friendly, preseason)
Greens travelled to Hilton to face the old foes in burgundy on a pitch that finally got the
upgrade from a ‘potato field’ status it had for several years. Mozzies and stifling humidity
were in, lights were just about out and a slight shower at kick off made the surface real
handy for anything sliding - ball, tackles and standard of refereeing. Starting without the
recent acquisitions but with the “honorary Green” Andrew Seaber, the first twenty or so
minutes were a foreplay with a few nice build ups without any serious threats. The couple of
youngish reinforcements Freo brought along for the night were a persistent threat in our
backline and after a brief slip up on the edge of our box, one of them fell after a touch so
light that Michael should star in moisturiser ads instead of being judged a penalty. A well
struck penalty caused the first movement on the scoreboard, wrong way. Ali limped off the
pitch as the first injury after a challenge that didn’t look comfortable whichever way you look
at it. Ten minutes later Tomaz correctly played the sweeper-keeper but instead of lacing the
crap out of an incoming ball tried to play it fancy to a misunderstood Andrew and the young
fella from Freo put them up 2-0. Instead of panic and blame, Greens knew things were going
to get better. And they did!
Daniel has been banging on about scoring goals at training but they don’t hand trophies at
training do they (well, none at preseason games either but don’t tell him that). It was time to
put the money where his fast feet are. He harassed the defence enough and on the turn
scored the first of what we hope is many goals for Greens this year.

2-1 down at half time and the talk was about playing through the back, creating space as a
team and stretching them rather than forcing things head-down-slalom-then-a-long-ball. The
rate of possession went up and so did Muz’s steps-per-second rate, chasing physics-defying
balls down the right side and serving up tasty morsels for the folks in the box. Chances came
and came, much to the disgust of their keeper who found it quite appropriate to be a
dickhead, only to be stirred by Daniel’s second goal made possible by one of those barely
believable chases by the adored ‘Nonno’ (Grandpa) in the team.
We dominated possession and started playing well through the back, marshalled by Greg,
Conrad, Michael, Tomaz and Ross. A one-in-four hundred deflection made them look good
on the scoreboard again as they nudged ahead 3-2. Only a couple of minutes later though,
George closed his eyes, said a quick prayer to Peruvian Gods of Easy Goals and sent a chip
over their keeper that he will tell you was deliberate. A goal that was almost an assist to the
waiting Daniel... You should have heard those two on that topic after that game - an old married
couple has nothing on them.
We pushed and pushed but apart from missing a 24 foot by 8 foot target from a couple of
meters out by Steve, Daniel and Frankie, we had little more concrete to report. We strung
them at the back and front and the decider was hanging in the air. And from the air it came!
Who else but Air Renzo laced the Mona Lisa of crosses to Frankie who hammered in the
winner so hard it almost punched the net. The writer of this report had to double take on
goals scored as it is not often Greens score that many but it looks, thankfully, that’s about to
change this season.
Great to start the 2022 campaign with a confidence boosting win. It was good to see Felipe in
a brief cameo before smartly pulling back and many of the usual suspects in let’s say
‘improving’ physical condition. Special thanks to Ross and Andrew for helping us out tonight.
We didn’t vote for MOTM but I am sure Daniel would like to think that his conversion of
chance/goal ratio of about 6/2 (or is that ‘assists’ George?) would earn him the title. However,
after a couple of sobering beers the mentions of Brad Power’s workrate and effectiveness
would earn him a couple of those much sought-after beer vouchers for tonight’s efforts.
Well done Greens, enjoy your Sunday!
First game and first win against a team that, as it later transpired, went from our league to a
level up this year!
Despite Hector’s notable absence (or as some would cheekily argue because of it), the win
was impressive and caused a lot of excited WhatsApp traffic. Even the most laconic and
mysterious ‘KD’ (Frankie Danso) chipped in his thumbs up. Neither boots or heads ended up
polished but a stellar debut of our new front line duo of Daniel and Frankie shined our
aspirations for the season even further. What didn’t need to be extended though was Jorge’s
heart rate, especially when Tomaz chose to act as a human defibrillator with his unmissable
dribbling skills at the back.

Sure, it was only a preseason win but its residual glow made more wins this season not just
probable but suddenly expected. Greens’ resident wordsmith thought it would be a shame
not to celebrate future wins by belting out a simple team song. After all, people singing is the
sound of people united.
And so it was born, in the fashion of lame dad joke humour we are so familiar with but with
an honest, genuine ring to it. The lyrics are (meant to be …) sung to the tune of Singing In
The Rain. Sure, it’s not your Eye Of The Tiger ra-ra stuff but appropriate enough for those
winter months, especially when belted out sweaty, muddy and out of tune.
We’re singing in the win [clap, clap]
We’re singing in the win [clap, clap]
What a glorious feel
To be [clap, clap] Melville Green
Tomorrow we’ll be sore [clap, clap]
But we’ll be back for more [clap, clap]
Now sing it
And sing it for the team [clap, clap]
Melville Green
Pretty simple, right? Well these few lines remained a learning challenge for about half the
time by late September.
Tomaz actually ‘sang’ the first version and posted the audio on WhatsApp. While they liked
the words, very soon the whole team assured him he is a much better keeper than a singer
and begged him not to expose them to such an act of audio cruelty ever, ever again.

On April Fools day we learned that the knee injury Andrew copped in his last Green fling
against Freo was sadly no joke. Later on we found out the two weeks out got well extended,
much to the displeasure of 35s. The incident later gave birth to a MUMFC Masters policy to
check any borrowing of players across teams with the respective team managers. Well, the
looming COVID mess was always going to put a quick end to that as we exchanged teams
and colours over the next months faster than even Ely could chase us.
As the season proper approached we were still sorting out a number of season jobs and
roles. From management, captaincy, kit-washing, team fines, money collection, line duties
and more, laughs abounded but things were looking clear as mud. As it is often the case
with teams of blokes, more than our organisation we took pride in our ability to fly by the
seat of our pants.
To complicate the situation further, our league fixtures changed every time you looked them
up. New teams entered, old ones left, Curtin decided to split themselves into two teams but
soon realised they are no MUMFC to do that and more. For once we felt sorry for the Football
West personnel who had to track and schedule this mess with a few days to go till the
kick off. A perfect time to throw in some more curve balls.
Tomaz was going to be away for the season opener and somebody had to stand in for the
Big Bird between the sticks. Liam and Conrad were the usual suspects and even Jorge’s
name came up. Suddenly, our resident Egyptian winger named Mo (if Liverpool can have
one so can we, right?) went from never posting and strictly lurking on WhatsApp to chipping
in his approval of Jorge’s standards for the use of hands. We instantly knew we had another
larrikin on our, excuse the pun, hands.

Even if he had wanted to go in goals on Sunday, Liam managed to get himself back in the
knee brace at Thursday training but fortunately with no longer term injury. Just as well
because Hector could only help from the sidelines too. The last minute frenzy of
registrations and variations of teams, venues, kick off times and opposition had us barely
keeping up with it all. Everyone across MUMFC Masters of course wanted to started the
season without a hitch and with the best personell they could register but our tongue slick
arrythmic Jorge raised a point about the talent we would be asked to share.
And then, after all the preseason fuss and last minute dealings - the great 2022 Perth Metro
Masters 45+ South Division B League kicked off! You are welcome to look for any lower
divisions but consider yourself warned.
We still don’t know why but the mainstream media completely ignored the first round.
Thankfully, with the resident reporter away Liam was the kind soul that gave the season
opener’s first, even if a little sparse, account ...
Sunday, 10 April, Centenary Park
Manning United v MUM FC Green 2 — 6 (Round 1)
First half they created many chances and scored almost every chance. They had a great #10,
he scored 4 or 5 and a good keeper…
Daniel scored both for us and could have scored at least another 2 or 3 if it wasn’t for that
keeper. Score didn’t reflect the game.
Whack! After all the preseason fantasising and chest puffing, that score went down like a
lead balloon. Hector even saw it fit to return the favour for all of Daniel’s barbs about sharks,
absences and managerial decisions with a recorded video message from the keeper whom
our striker seemed to have nightmares about. If this wasn’t Greens there would be some
serious noses out of joint but that’s just how the two continued to show their love for each
other. After all, it was only the first of the 20-odd games for the season against a new team
in the comp so we put things in perspective, pointed out the good stuff that belied the
scoreline and moved on.
What hasn’t moved on was Andrew’s association with Greens. A chance (?) appearance at
Manning, post game hang out with the team, another declaration of his Green heart and a
daring suggestion he might sign up for someone else. The latter got immediately treated
with derision and an Oscar-slap from Renzo, popular at the time. Just to let him know,
before Ely found out.

If anyone is looking for a present to Football West we would warmly recommend a calendar
with major events and public holidays on it. We managed to kick our scheduled Easter
Sunday (!?) game against Belmont down the road sometime, with mutual agreement. This
unfortunate bye did however give us a bit of time to go back to the proverbial drawing
board. On Thursday night Hector was busily plotting changes in our formation but publicly
bemoaned the player and budget limitations he was presented with. The 3-5-2 (yes, you
read that right!) that we started with against Manning showed the early signs of cracking. On
cue, a shower of formation suggestions ran on WhatsApp faster than the coaching group
could follow.
Daniel and Muz helped depleted Reds cause a Tuesday-night boilover against the last year’s
winners Spearwood in their re-scheduled fixture. While the two got some well deserved
gratitude from our ‘frenemy’ in red for their perfect assist and a goal the rest of us were hungry
to play football too. To scratch that itch and indulge Hector’s calculations we arranged a
friendly against a banged together team of 45As and Reds on the Sunday of ANZAC Day long
weekend with no other games scheduled. We treated it as a regular league game but because
this was an intra club affair, it was a perfect opportunity to sprinkle some Green magic
and turn up in our now iconic shirts. We also thought we just might test our tonsils singing
our team song if we won and erase the memory of Tomaz’s solo premiere.
Turned up in resplendent green on a sunny Sunday, long weekend, lovely and shorter top
pitch at Len Shearer, playing against mates, quietly confident with Hector organising our
shape and getting us to play … what could possibly go wrong?
Sunday, 24 April, Len Shearer
MUM FC 45A/Red v MUM FC Green
7 — 2 (Intraclub)
Perfect day for friendly with mates at Len Shearer. Greens as one team minus a few players
versus “Pinks” (combined A’s/Reds in white kit - makes it pink, right) team on the upper, legsaving
shorter pitch on an afternoon where last of the sunscreen was applied before the
first rains of the season come in tomorrow, ANZAC Day. Greens trying out a new formation
under the watchful eye of “interim coach” Hector (Man U next?), Pinks a motley crew of hihg
(er) skill and speed.
Greens started with the upper hand and strung some quality possession early, Rooney in
Pinks’ goal making himself a target very nicely after a couple of dangerous runs and crosses.
At the other end, against the run of play, Michael (Chang) laced a cross so fine you could
wrap it as a Christmas present for the first rattle of the inside the Greens’ net. The Greens
backline started coughing up possession in the back third and that gave space and
confidence to the suddenly surging Pink’s forward line. In one such run, Michael again sliced
through the wrong-footed defence for the second of the day. Greens midfield increasingly
looked like a mutiple personality disorder while the Pinks Asian connection were using their
speed to gain ground. In one of their surges down the flank, Ely found the bloke with ‘Nice
Guy’ written on the back of his lovely new customised shirt and tried really hard to hug him
to make friends. Unfortunately this happened inside the Greens box. Jason (Bonner) sent
Tomaz flying the other way from the penalty spot and Greens were starting to feel lucky
there wasn’t a scoreboard in sight.

The surge continued and Brucey used acres of space at the top of the box to turn a short
rebound into an unstoppable contender for the 2022 Puskas Award. Leo tapped in one soon
after that … but you’d be wrong to think Greens hung their heads. A couple of well executed
runs inside and Daniel pegged back the score twice in succession to have us at a crowdpleasing,
hope-restoring 5-2 at half time.
While the first half was full of fireworks and strikes, the second half was more like a
heavyweight fight in about round 12. Lots of fakes, swings and misses and a lot more
clammed up defences at both ends. The score moved early on with Michael scoring a free
kick that Tomaz declared as of the softest goals he ever conceded in any of the sports he has
kept goals in (bought his book yet? $15 at the bar, mates rates…). There was also some unnecessary
backchatting to the firm-but-fair Danny who kindly reffed the match and Ali’s yellow
very quickly turned red. A statement of intent at a club level really of what we really
should (not) be spending energy on this year. To make things worse for Greens, Frankie
made himself unavailable for the next few weeks with a nasty hamstring injury. But again,
through some cracking individual efforts of calm and steady Renzo, I-ve-come-to-take-yourball
Steve, always lurking and working Daniel and others, Greens showed in passages why
they will be a force to be reckoned with. Eventually … Oh yes, Pinks scored another tap-in
with 10 minutes to go, their master defender Brian had a run in attack and Brucey tarnished
his Puskas-nomination glow with an open goal miss seconds before Danny whistled the post
game BBQ can start.
The post game was exactly the reminder why we play this beautiful game. Special thanks to
Renzo, Elly and Hector for looking after us all with terrific nosh.
Well yes, the fantasy about us trying out the team song turned out to be just that. Heavy loss
but a post-game afternoon that made up for the disappointment of getting the ball out of
our net seven times. Daniel brought his big DJ speaker with tunes to move to, Westy opened
the bar and our South American contingent sourced out some fantastic chorizo to go with
some excellent special sauce (even though it later turned out it was made by Javier from
Reds … but we forgave him with full mouths of it). It was an absolute pleasure to spend the
afternoon with the always competitive but equally always friendly and mouthy gaggle of
MUMFC Masters. You couldn’t tell by the team picture whether we won or lost by five that
afternoon. What matters!
Like any self-respecting team, we also analysed what went well and what could be better in
the future games. Avoiding red cards, playing as a team and supporting each other were
always going to work, no matter what tactics we played. Speaking of tactics, we were
definitely on the right track by using the same kind of gear as Pep at Manchester City, surely.
Now if we were only as quick on the pitch as we were in ordering beers with a teammate’s
wallet left behind at training … All this must have been a bit much for our chief larrikin Jorge
who was summoned for some serious heart monitoring and tests. No laughing matter that
and we of course wished the funny fella all the best.

There was however one Green who was working not just on his heart rate and running
speed but his swimming and bike riding too. Like Hector earlier in the year, JC had worked
his butt off over summer to get ready for a gruelling half Ironman - 2km swim followed by
80km ride and topped off with a 18km run. Of course the first thing the team requested was
his tracking number, quietly expecting another round of belly ache from laughter like when
Hector famously swam to Hungry Jacks instead of Rotto.
JC not only finished the race but smashed the best expected time by a whopping half an
hour. This of course resulted in howls of approval and congratulations from his Green
teammates, with the occasional comparison poke at Hector of course. But this oh-so-caring
cheer squad didn’t stop there. JC was quickly called a pussy for not making himself available
for the game against UWA the very next day after his enormous effort. How we roll …
On the pitch, it was time to shake away the horrors of our last two matches. We faced the
team we lost by a goal in two cracking games last year. Sure, UWA had not lost this season
yet but with only a couple of rounds into it there was not much to read into that.
Unfortunately, for the first time this season we struggled for numbers. With Frankie, JC, and
Mo out, Ali and Steve available for a half only and George fresh off the cardiologists table, Ely
decided to text us half an hour before the game he won’t be coming either. The ref never
turned up so Liam kindly took up the whistle and depleted our razor thin bench further.
Not the get up we were after on an unusually stinky hot April afternoon but never mind - we
took to the pitch with hope and resolve …
Sunday, 1 May, Len Shearer
MUM FC Green v UWA 1 — 6 (Round 3)
After a couple of recent maulings, Greens were ready to stop the rot against a quality opponent
they twice lost by a goal last year. Liam very generously filled the Football Westgenerated
hole of a referee and we were off. Lots of Green possession and pushes forward
early but a swift counter against the run of play saw UWA lamely tap-in their first across the
box within ten minutes. Greens redoubled the efforts but apart from a couple of chances
had little more to show for. Another slice through Greens defence was smartly chopped by
Tomaz low but not the next one that saw UWA up by two. Couple of painful tangles in the
middle dealt well by no-nonsense Liam were not as painful as watching another visitor having
enough time and space to have a smoke in our box and lacing their third from about 7
yards out. A couple of inspirational backtracking slides and won balls by George showed us
all how to have more balls (aka ‘cojones’) in the game but by half time we were still talking
formation rather than orchestrating a second half, Istanbul-like comeback that even Gerrard
& Co (if you know you know) would be proud of.
More determined but also more wasteful Greens continued in a similar fashion until the visitors
latched on a lucky rebound to go 0-4 and the mountain just got bigger. Watched and
cheered on by a few conquering Reds on the side (thanks gents!), Greens finally started finding
some holes in the solid visitor’s defence.

While the opposition was closing the ever-menacing Daniel with often a duo of players and
Muzz with their finest, Ali finally shook the net from the inside for 1-4 and it felt the game
was suddenly on! Daniel tried to get their dam to burst fully but all that (almost) burst was
the crossbar from his shot when eye-to-eye with their keeper. Not our day, clearly …
A couple of runs down the field later, UWA struck a couple of side-net beauties on the counterattack
to bury the game. Tomaz got his fuoro top well and truly dirty with a few more
saves, Greens had a couple more over-the-top digs and by the time Liam blew the whistle
we had all had enough.
Too many in our net and not many in theirs … but it’s round 3, right? Upwards and onwards.
Not surprisingly, many supplied their perspective after another heavy loss. There was lots of
encouragement, perspective seeking and reminders of the previous season but also some
sobering words. The areas we all agreed need to be addressed were our backchat, our
defence and our formation. Liam who thankfully stepped in to ref on the day gave his typical
blunt assessment of what our backchat does to the ref, our focus and with it the quality of
our game. None of it pretty. The granite defence from the back end of last year was this year
shipping way too many goals that could be prevented with better cooperation and a little
more desperation.
For all the jokes about formation, it was high time for us to settle on something. The return
to the simple old 4-4-2 that worked for us last year may have caused derision among the EPL
pundits but hey - we weren’t facing Chelsea-likes on Sundays. Our biggest immediate
trouble with 4-4-2 for us however was not its conservative, old school feel. It was the fact
that it required fielding ten players plus keeper as COVID started to mow us down like a
badly mistimed Peruvian slide tackle.
The sorry sequence for the week started with Jorge testing COVID positive on Monday.
Fortunately the severity of illness and self-pity was quickly eased by his teammates
supplying a steady stream of tactical videos and heartfelt reminders how he won’t be
missed. With a few lads away for work or injured, some chasing important Mothers Day
brownie point, Mo still recovering from surgery and Jorge in bed with COVID, we had a bare
bones 11 plus a few tentative offers of help from Reds after Thursday training. On Friday, we
got the “sorry, got COVID” post from Conrad and one on Saturday from Nursey. As ever-thegent
Liam led the offers of help if stuck, we learned just hours before the game against
Curtin that Renzo too had joined the Two Lines Club that morning. As another ever-the-gent
on the team, Renzo actually turned up at Curtin to cover for Daniel’s rookie mistake and
brought him a pair of boots - surely a new level of ‘service’ to a striker.
With zero subs even with a couple of gracious Reds’ stand-ins, a warm day, good opposition
and a sick, fully masked COVID-positive Renzo running the line for the first half, we kicked off
…

Sunday, 8 May, Edinburg Oval
Curtin University v MUM FC Green 6 — 3 (Round 4)
Looking like we had a full squad at the start of the week, we started the game with the bare
11 due to COVID/injury and work/Mother's Day commitments. A couple of phone calls and
late arrivals meant we eventually played the game with 13.
The game could not have started any better. We took the kick off and scored within 9
seconds! A beautiful through ball by JC ended up with Daniel slotting past the keeper. 1-0
MUMFC. The game then got back to normality. After about 15 mins we then had another
chance to make it 2-0, but their keeper somehow saved it with his legs and in true Greens'
luck this year Curtin went up the other end and scored 1-1. A pretty much even game then
took place, but after a defensive lapse and a speculative shot from the big lump Campbell
meant that we went in at half time 1-3 down.
Then the fun began. An extra ref turned up at half time and started to have a go at the guy
who was reffing our game! Threats were made and comments of "I'll see you after the
game" were heard. It was the players who ended up separating the Ref's for a change.
Second half started and Curtin's long ball game took its toll with them scoring 2 quick goals
to give them a 1-5 lead. We then decided to play it to feet for a change and managed to
score with a virtual tap in for Daniel after great work by several players. 2-5. Another great
bit of play by the team ended up with us being awarded a penalty after Ali was upended in
the box. Hector took on the role of penalty taker and promptly converted. 3-5.
The comeback was on but as we were committing players forward we got caught again and
conceded again for the final 3-6.
A big thanks to Denis and Chopper for helping out with numbers, and a HUGE thanks to
Dave Murray for coming down to help out at extremely short notice.
Note to all Greens'. If we are going to concede 6 goals a game, can we make sure we score 7?
Report placed by A N Other, as our resident author had other commitments.
Sure, COVID and all but it was pretty damn difficult to pick up the ball six times out of our
net again. This time however we had very little time for any lengthy post-mortems on
WhatsApp but also to recover the tired legs. We had agreed to make up the missed Easter
Sunday fixture against Belmont only two days later on a Tuesday night. Decimated by
COVID, with two easily forgotten Englishmen and a run of injuries we desperately asked for
some brotherly love around the club. The last minute ins and outs were mind boggling.
Tired, sick, belted proper a few times in a row, what else could go wrong? Well of course it
did! On the day of the game JC announced he tested COVID positive too. At least someone
kept a sense of humour by ordering a bunch of post-game pizzas under ‘Mucciacciaro’ and
left Brad to decipher that one to the pimply kid at Dominos’.

Backs to the wall, zero points with a diabolical goal difference to boot, barebones mixed
squad, long pitch under the meek floodlights of Len Shearer on a drizzly Tuesday night
facing a new team in the comp who brought along few players from their A team - perfect!
The chance bye next weekend could not come soon enough. But in a true Green fashion ...
Tuesday, 10 May, Len Shearer
MUM FC Green v Belmont Villa 1 — 0 (Round 2, previously postponed)
Well, if Sunday’s drubbing at the hands of Curtin (6-3) was still the darkness of the night,
Tuesday night’s catch up Easter fixture against Belmont was the sentinel of dawn and better
things to come for Greens. With the first full set of points and a clean sheet to go no less!
Before the game we just about pleaded for any Greens player listed to play NOT to take a
COVID test because it seems that everyone that did tested positive. With five down with
COVID, four injuries and two players away, our brothers in Red graciously returned the
favour from a few weeks ago and supplied the much needed support for the tired legs in a
tight turnaround after Sunday. Thank you fellas!
Dominating from the kick off, Greens played good, organised football. The backline was a
perfect Red-Green union between John, Michael, Ross and Steve, the midfield, also tinged
with a bit of red hue with the likes of “Mick/Mack/Mark/Msomething” (Hector’s special way of
calling his teammates), supplied a bunch of lovely balls forward but the last third felt like
some sorcerer cast a spell on us scoring. Through balls, lay offs, one-on-one with the keeper,
rebounds from a yard out, shots from inside and outside box … whatever we threw at them,
it bounced off like some sort of force field into touch or the belly of the nuggety, hard-toactually
hit keeper. 0-0 was no true reflection at half time as we could have been easily 3 or 4
up! To make things worse Daniel had to shower early due to calf injury too.
Second half continued similarly as the first but there were first signs of Belmont (apparently
playing with their own reinforcements from a team up a grade) finding their form, stringing
some quality passes and showing a bit more resolve. Holding shape became even more
important and everyone chipped in on the job, marshalled fantastically by John (O’Brien) &
co at the back. The wave of Green attacks continued and at one point, Ali latched on to a
rebound outside the box, sent a ball the way of satellites only to have the gravity bring it
down with absolutely no hope for their vertically challenged, or any size for that matter,
keeper. 1-0, half way through second. This of course spiked the sense of urgency at both
ends. Belmont became even more threatening but the likes of Steve not-fucken-going-pastme-lad
and one of the discoveries of the year so far at left back made sure that nothing but
a few tricky dewy balls came Tomaz’s way to clean up with a couple of heart-in-mouth
moments to excite the crowds. In the last ten minutes nobody bothered too much about the
midfield as formation became more of a 4-2-4 with both teams desperate to score at their
respective ends but the combination of tired legs and determined legs to stop them ensured
the score did not change. The monkey was off the Greens back with the first set of points for
the season and boy we are looking forward to a bye this Sunday …
Special thanks to Ezio and Liam for stepping in to ref the game, job well done and really
appreciated by both teams.

Well that was against the trend and something we all needed - first win AND a clean sheet.
The laid-up-at-home-with-COVID squad quickly chirped their congrats and astute observations
but the post game excitement was dampened with the news that Daniel now has not
only a calf injury but COVID too. No wonder he simply could not convert a pile of chances on
the night before limping off (barely defensible in Greens’ eyes though). The coming Sunday
bye (15 May) could not have come at a better time. We could heal, regroup and get the full
team on the pitch while ignoring the posturing politicians a week before a heated federal
election. Or so we thought.
Just as we looked forward to welcoming back the COVID recoverees and Mo back from his
surgery, Brad, Hector and Tomaz tested positive for COVID in quick succession. What was
going to be a happy reunion and some spare legs on Sunday quickly turned into another
logistical test at pretty poor prospects of success.
Looking from outside, Greens were at pretty long odds to beat the team they lost the season
opener to by four. Luckily, Green’s WhatsApp feed is highly encrypted and impossible for
bookies to crack because Tomaz called it a couple of days before the two teams took to the
pitch …
Sunday, 22 May, Len Shearer
MUM FC Green v Manning United 3 — 2 (Round 6; Round 5 bye)
After the Greens' Round 1 encounter this year against Manning United that ended as a 6-2
disaster, the team was keen to make amends.
Neither team was giving much away but we opened the scoring first. It was a tough battle
against both opponents and weather. In the end the team played well and managed a 3-2
win.
A few notable mentions were; Daniel scoring a hat-trick, Liam almost pulling off a great
penalty save and Greg fracturing his shoulder.
Short and sweet but so much in this game report! We strung two wins together, Liam locked
up the backup keeper spot for the season with his efforts, Daniel finally walked the talk on
scoring bags of goals but the big one was of course Greg’s injury.
The man himself was on his way to the hospital in what must have been excruciating pain,
yet there he was asking for the score and making sure the troops got fed after the game.
Green spirit personified! Unfortunately for us all, once the X-rays were in Greg’s initial selfdiagnosis
turned out to be a lot nastier. The clumsy and unnecessary challenge by one of the
Manning forwards resulted in no less than a shoulder fracture.
But apparently they happily play with those in Peru …

During the week, the conversations about refereeing kept swinging from serious to funny,
much like our game really. We all knew the ‘golden rule’ of the standard of refereeing largely
matching the quality of football but we would rarely admit to it of course. This kind of
chatter, the resurgence of Jorge’s videos and Daniel’s jabs at his beloved manager Hector
(still) down with COVID meant the things were almost back to ‘normal’, whatever that means
these days.
The prospect of not having Greg around for many weeks with a fractured shoulder made a
big bloody hole in our backline to fill. Greens’ worldwide search for a quality defender
through a network of football agents was producing few results until Tomaz suggested we
make a move for his mate Chris, a Jap Stam lookalike from … our own club. Pending a pass
in a battery of tests (quality on the ball and beers, sense of humour, backchat-management,
Jorge’s videos endurance, WhatsApp reply rate, pre-nup agreement with fussy strikers and
more) Chris was going to join us on the pitch when back from work within a week or so.
After the usual midweek rounds of ‘yes/no’ we agreed to Spearwood's request to play on a
Friday night instead of Sunday. We could have perhaps given Hector to recover enough to
play on Sunday but a few (usual…) resident comedians thought his absence was an omen of
good things to come. With Frankie back to have a probably short run to test his dodgy hammy,
injured but ever helpful Liam and a couple of new emergency subs we travelled to see if
we can, for once, beat Dallies and on their turf too.
And what the manager expects …
Friday, 27 May, Dalmatinac Park
Spearwood Dalmatinac v MUM FC Green 4 — 6 (Round 7)
Lucky there are more and more of those funky little defibrillators around clubs and grounds
these days because boy was there a real chance of someone needing it in Spearwood where
Greens locked horns with an old foe. Best ground in the comp all lit up on a pleasant Friday
night minus a FW ref, replaced by one of their players, was an invitation for the Greens to
right a rough start this year and continue the two-game winning streak. Dallies are usually
the bosses on their ground but it was Greens that dictated terms early on. A few speculative
shots and a bunch of corners were all to show for in the first twenty but then Daniel the
Dam Buster beat his marker(s) and finished like it was a Thursday night at training for 1-0.
Five minutes later, Muz did his trademark fleet-footed thing and supplied a beautiful tap in
for Daniel to go 2-0. Not our usual territory this year but anyone watching the game would
tell you it was no surprise. What did surprise us was their swift counter but fortunately a
desperate backtrack by Brad was followed with Tomaz using his long legs to deny them getting
closer. A long ball down the field and Muzz had us at 3-0 only seconds later! We know
it’s hard to ref your own teammates, especially when they get tangled in a heated exchange
with the opposition leading by three but we got absolutely zero calls our way from the one
eyed spectator with a ref’s vest on.
At half time, we all agreed that the only thing that was going to undo us was ourselves
starting to argue with the ‘ref’ and panicking and/or taking it easy. That would be like
pressing the self-destruct button, right? Hold my beer …

As expected, Dallies came out of the blocks with more determined legs and a more than
capable striker combo up front that was starting to get some service. With possession and
threats finely balanced, Ali pierced a goalmouth scramble with a ball that had more curl than
an 80’s hair salon for 4-0 after about 10-15 minutes of second half. Game over, right? I did
say hold my beer …
With about 20 minutes to go, our defensive line didn’t work as precisely as planned one time
and their dangerous striker darted into the box only to be clattered by Tomaz (saw yellow
for it but was more like … orange?). They converted the penalty for 1-4 and suddenly their
pep was up. About 10 minutes later, the same striker laced a bottom corner beauty from
just inside the box and five minutes later beat the backline with another quality finish to go 4
-3. The growing Friday night crowd (and ref!) were really getting behind the home team and
Greens had about 8 minutes to keep composure and hold onto the precious goal to finish
the job. Liam, our linesman, set the alarm to go off at 45 minutes and got it out to show the
ref. But instead of consulting the stopwatch, the ‘ref’ opted for the calendar to measure
game time in as Dallies pushed to complete the comeback. Tired legs and heads contributed
to some poor decision making, wasted chances and loose defence on our part. Their
playmaker accepted one of our gifts and curled a top corner cobweb-cleaning beauty for 4-4
- in the 51st minute! Still no signs of finishing the game! By now, time was going about as
fast as the continental drift as we parried wave after wave of corners and free kicks. Then,
against the run of play, a trip down their depleted line and Denis masterfully made up for a
few choice words thrown his way just after the equaliser minutes earlier. 5-4 up in the no
less that 55h minute! Karma’s a bitch, isn’t she … But was there time for another Dallies
comeback? Well, they certainly thought so but when Renzo supplied THE magnificent
through ball that Daniel welcomed with the shout “that’s the ball’ we joyfully watched our
fancy footed master on a hat-trick round the keeper and settle us for the final 6-4 …
somewhere around the 58th minute. The ref must have thought he was directing 60 Minutes
because that’s when we had our last kick of the game and a hard earned chance to belt our
team song (finally!) with gusto! But bring out the bloody defibrillator…
Thank you Terry (Foong), Denis Hajder and Javier Borda for helping us out tonight to fill
some serious outs. One of them was Hector, whose absence, on the face of it, seems to have
again …. worked, strangely so. There’s a correlation but not necessarily causation there but
better ask his best friend Jorge what he thinks about that.
Simply epic! Once we dragged our elated souls inside tired bodies back to the changerooms
we properly belted our team song for the first time. And for a good reason too! Third win in
a row and not just outscoring but outwilling and outlasting an old hoodoo team made those
vocal chords work (can’t really say ‘sing’) with gusto. After much backslapping in person and
by the home-stuck crew on WhatsApp we figured this result was not completely out of the
blue though. We had Dallies worried last year when we just fell short of staging a terrific
comeback from 3-0 in the second half ourselves. This year, they couldn’t believe what struck
them first but to their credit gave us a mighty test in the end. To their credit also was a
terrific pasta feed and handshakes in their clubrooms afterwards. For all our mouthy exploits
and other assorted carry on on the pitch, we are after all a bunch of peers playing
community sport for many reasons other than league points. But boy those beers tasted
sweet that Friday night and as we basked in the glow of an epic win for the rest of the week
(end), Jorge offered a ten-point recipe for us to follow if we were to win games like this.

A couple of days later Greg sobered the group with the update on his shoulder. We all
wished him to avoid becoming a Man of Steel not just in nickname but having to explain the
metal detector beeps at every bloody airport in the future. Fortunately for the Green cause,
Chris was in town for the upcoming Cup tie to bolster the backline. Yet all that Daniel was
interested in was how he might profit from Chris at the front. And Daniel didn’t stop there
either. He went on to declare that even Hector is basically at his service. With that sort of
confidence, we thought Jorge might have heard well and not just imagined things.
Coming up next was a Saturday cup tie against Wembley Downs, away. All we knew about
them was that they are a pretty capable outfit playing in a comparably higher level league in
Perth Metro North and that had swatted away our Reds 4-1 a month or so ago.
With the growing confidence that sprung from three wins in a row we travelled north of the
river.
Saturday, 4 June, Butlers Reserve
Wembley Downs v MUM FC Green 2 — 3 (Masters Cup 45+ Metro, round of 32)
Luck of the cup draw would have us up against a mid-table team in the second of the three
North divisions and a team our Reds lost to in preseason. But with three league wins on the
trot our spirits were high and it showed. Compact and working as a unit at the back (finally…)
with plenty of talk, a midfield that can hold its own and the ever menacing dynamic duo at
the front, we had most of the play and scoring in the first half. The first came from a great
team push and a lovely layoff by the deadly but usually not the most sharing of forwards to
Renzo whose move to midfield paid off almost instantly with his trademark unstoppable
cannon. 1-0! Their threats from a couple of nimble players were aptly quashed by Brad and
Ely on the flanks, our line marshall Michael and Tomaz who didn’t mind getting in the way of
balls, feet and bodies of charging strikers (no card this time). With about 15 minutes to go in
the first, Renzo repeated the effort from Spearwood and presented Daniel with a gorgeous
through ball our master scorer tucked away for 2-0. A great half of football and not a peep
about ref or anything else. But …
Wembley were always going to make use of their full roster of 16 while we ran on fumes of
two subs. Still, it was our game to control. The possession ratio changed as expected but we
held firm. And as if you flicked the switch, the first backchat with the ref started. Sure, there
were clumsy tackles and pushes in the back and legs getting tired but honestly that could
not be unexpected. Wembley eventually earned their goal with a terrific top corner strike
from inside the box for 2-1. Nope, we don’t ship easy goals any more.
Wembley’s continued push gave us chances to counterattack and a lovely four-pass play
from the back ended with Muz flying through the air at the end of a cross to put us 3-1 up …
until their linesman showed offside. You can picture the kerfuffle but after a brief consultation
with the linesman the ref actually changed decision and called offside. Tempers flared,
we lost our composure in midfield and started banging long balls to run on to. Their fresh
legs, ankle-kicking and tongues were starting to show but the proverbial shit hit the fan
when they equalised.

Ref was distracted by a nearby altercation (something really important probably … not!) and
completely missed offside a mile wide for their equaliser. Our linesman actually waved his
flag furiously but probably because he was a 14 year old (Chris’s son Caleb, did a great job!)
the ref simply ignored him. 2-2 and every niggle was turning into an ugly battle, both sides
just as guilty (more accurately one third on each team while the other two thirds tried to
calm them down and got on with it). Wembley blew their chances though with Tomaz making
use of full reach a couple of times.
As we started to think penalties, Ely started the move from the back, onto JC with a high kick
that was fluffed by their keeper for Hector to head in to the Green raptures two minutes to
go for 3-2. After the game, Ely said he should really be credited with Hector’s goal - a classic
reverse Hector from the same protagonists as the original. Poetry! A couple of their corners
and lots of ugly scenes in between later the ref blew the whistle and we could start
separating the hot heads some more. Great, tough cup win in the end (and a great debut
for our new Green Chris) but with a sour taste in mouth.
Yes, football is and must be played with passion, absolutely. But as a wise old Greek once
said “man is disturbed not by things, but by the views he takes of them.” If you get disturbed
by a bad ref call, annoying opposition, mistake or whatever the hell it is that gets you distracted
off your best - it’s not the event but your view of it and reaction to it that drags down
yourself, the rest of the team and your club. Let’s choose wisely.
As we finished belting out our now increasingly familiar team song well within earshot of the
defeated hosts, one of their players found it necessary to run the full pitch to physically
threaten Daniel. With a couple of his teammates joining him it looked like the carpark might
get busy with more than cars shortly after. The cooler heads on no-nonsense sturdy
shoulders prevailed though and the jabs remained ugly but verbal.
Yes, it was another epic and hard fought win, literally so. The opposition truly did not spare
our ankles, shins and ears, especially those of our spearheads at the front. Their attempted
comeback in the second half was a real piece of football shithousery and a fire that almost
burned us but instead forged us stronger. Still, we realised again that controlling our
reactions remained high on the list of priorities to work on, whatever the game. Luckily at
least Hector didn’t have to work on his penalties. For now …
As our midfielders and attackers got stuck into band aids and Voltaren in the days after the
game, Socceroos managed to beat UAE and get into the final World Cup qualifier against
none other than Peru, the homeland of our one and only Jorge and Renzo. There had been
some talk of watching the game together in a week’s time but a 2am kick off was not
something our high performance athletic fitness regime would easily accommodate (there’s
always WhatsApp anyway).
Fitness was the issue Steve brought up during the week in an ‘inadvertent’ post about subs
during the game. What followed was a stream of posts ranging from the usual mix of
reasonably intelligent suggestions to outrageous claims to a curiosly flattering line by Mo.
Whatever the rotation, we were looking OK for numbers for the weekend against Belmont to
make it five wins in a row. Renzo stayed true to his New Year’s resolution and made sure he
was going to be there on time, even if no one else turned up. New shirt design?

A typical June wet weather front made parts of the two Len Shearer pitches deep enough for
ducks to swim in. With about half the team wanting to play water polo football and the other
half wanting to postpone, Danny Jones made a brilliant suggestion that we shift the game to
Winthrop. A drained pitch with the bonus of goalnets already up was a manna from heaven
and a sign of good things to come that afternoon.
Sunday, 12 June, Winthrop
MUM FC Green v Belmont Villa 7 — 2 (Round 8)
There haven’t been many times that the phrase ‘routine win’ has been used in the Greens
vocabulary or in our game report. It is however a perfect description of the effort against
Belmont this afternoon. Yes, we played the bottom of the league side but they certainly can
knock the ball around. The visitors refused, wisely so, to swim in the ponds of Len Shearer’s
top pitch, so we convoy of cars quickly shifted to Winthrop.
Belmont were also first to score from a penalty, courtesy of an incidental handball in the
box. 0-1 but no problem. Daniel made sure we levelled quickly but unfortunately our Golden
Boot contender twisted his knee in the process of scoring and joined the cheer squad on the
side for the rest of the game. As swings and roundabouts (and the depth of Green’s roster
this year) would have it, this soon brought on Frankie. With that bad boy, Muzz and Mo
pushing forward (yes, yes midfield, you did supply…), the ball soon spilled nicely for Renzo
who put us ahead where we stayed for the rest of the game. They tried a cheeky wind assisted
long range attempt with the kick off but Tomaz laced one right back where Frankie and a
bumbling stand-in keeper was a goal waiting to happen within thirty seconds of the second.
3-1!
The ball was doing funny things in the stiff breeze and caused the otherwise ever reliable
Nursey to call for it only to watch their striker punish it with a quality header. 3-2 but … no
problem. We held beautifully and as half time approached, Mo was rewarded for his tireless
menacing of their defence with his first goal for the season that the Liverpool winger whose
surname Daniel was chanting from the side would have been proud of. The quiet confidence
at half time team talk was a delight but we knew we had to bury the game for good.
The first 20 minutes of mostly our possession and moments of quality tiki-taka in the second
were only pierced by a couple of Belmont tests to see how far Tomaz can stretch in goals
and how quickly he can pull straight a dislocated finger to bemused looks of his teammates.
The best chance to bury the game came after Frankie got chopped in the box and today’s
outstanding and very fair stand-in ref (thank you Liam, again!!!) gave Hector a chance to …
miss his first penalty in two years. Fortunately, the man who lasered them through down at
the changeroom end before and whose image we proudly wear on our custom made shirts
made sure we not only ‘just made it’ but effectively killed off any hope by the visitors - Renzo
for 5-2. It is a little unfair that scorers get mentioned in these reports all the time because
some of the service forward and ball control around the park was sublime. Ely bossed everyone
that came his way, Ali and Muzz were running their twinkle toes off and trying totally
age-inappropriate shit like scissor kicks and more. Speaking of sublime, George gave the
again fully working hamstring of Frankie a lovely chance to … bang!

6-2 but was there perhaps a chance for our biggest (ever?) number in the ‘for’ column? What
Stevo started from the back Frankie controlled on his chest, defender on his back, then never
bothered to turn and lobbed the keeper from the edge of the box with a goal that will
surely go straight to the legend of the MUMFC Greens.
A hat trick to add sparkle to a ‘routine win’ with lots of adulation for Frankie from Hector the
manager that Daniel would probably otherwise get instead of a pack of frozen peas on his
knee … and we could all laugh some more over beers back at the clubrooms. The moment
we take ourselves too seriously will be the moment we lose what we have. Even the team
song singing is getting better now that we have had five goes at it in a row.
Go Greens!
Greens biggest ever score, five wins on the trot … surely there was more media noise
beyond Tomaz’s extensive game reports coming for Hector as the manager of this team. Our
self-jinxed penalty taker from last week might have missed his first spot kick in two years but
he had steered us beautifully through the last few games. Even the ever-poking Daniel
publicly acknowledged Hector’s work even though he found himself in an unusal position of
the second-favourite striker after Frankie’s exploits and his own blown up knee.
Seeing the striker position cracking open with Daniel’s absence, Mo imagined Hector was an
Egyptian official and went to work on WhatsApp to get more game time. Feeling Hector’s
wrath was like facing displeased Ely so more of us shut our mouths.
You probably think what you have just read was light-hearted and innocent poke at Hector’s
powers. Oh no … Scared that at the rate he was scoring them on Sunday Frankie might
overtake him in the Golden Boot race, Daniel went back to check the details of his registered
goals on the FW site. What he found was not Frankie but Hector (!?) as his main threat for
the coveted title. Things were threatening to turn into a full blown ‘Goalgate’ but the crisis
was averted by quietly giving Daniel the rights to enter scores and scorers on the Football
West app too. Question remained if by avoiding one crisis this put the vampire in charge of a
blood bank and created another crisis. As a result, a joint ASIO, FIFA and Football West task
force, with Ely as the failsafe option, was established to closely monitor MUMFC goal entries
for the rest of the season. Phew!

Inspired by the Green wins no doubt, Socceroos beat Peru to qualify for the Qatar World
Cup. While the penalty antics were front page news, we also found out that our very own Mo
was the project manager for the very stadium in Qatar where the game took place and
wondered what else can the man do with concrete. We also found out that our next opponent
in the Cup would be none other than our own MUMFC 45 As, paying a level above.
Could be worse ...
It really was a week of celebrations as we enjoyed some post-training-no-diet-cake for Jorge
and Ely together with bunch of best wishes and adulations of all kinds on WhatsApp. In this
celebratory and confident, ladder-climbing mood that we travelled to face Leeming for the
first time this season.
Sunday, 19 June, John Connell Reserve
Leeming Strikers v MUM FC Green 5 — 2 (Round 9)
With five renditions of the Greens team song under our belt, we travelled to face the aboutequals
on the ladder full of confidence and hope to make it six on the go. That is how we
started and for the first 20 minutes as we held control of the game. With Daniel watching
from the side with a sore knee from last week, the Muz-Frankie connection at the front was
kept supplied while the backline dealt smartly with a couple of their better players on the
wings. Leeming however managed to score first after a rebound off the post fell at the feet
of an unmarked player six feet out in a way that wouldn’t do in a thousand repeats. We started
rushing and losing the ball in midfield while the defence started to look a bit shaky. After
a couple of near misses at each end worthy of our label ‘Masters’, another flukey bounce off
our defender this time got put away in the bottom of the side net for them to go 2-0. Renzo,
in his ‘fine’ mismatched green (at least) socks, had enough of this lame domination and
spanked a lovely drive from the edge of the box past a helpless keeper only to be denied by
the post. Was this going to be ‘one of those’ games? At half-time we were determined not to
make it so and to claw back into the game we had been dominating big chunks of.
About five minutes into the second, Tomaz took a very likely corner header off one of their
skulls but his parry landed, you guessed it, right at the feet of a bloke in blue socks. Wild
swing, ping and a touch off Nursey’s foot made it 3-0. But the injustice of it just fired us up!
To make things worse, Brad limped off the pitch with a back injury but … the backline closed
up shop, Hector made a pectoral pass (should ask him about it or George to show you) and
Muz was chasing and getting just about every ball down the breeze and tried to feed it high
into the box or at the feet of re-energised Frankie. And the man obliged soon after, lovely
turn and spank past a sprawled keeper for 3-1.
We were not only on the board, we were out to get them. Other than a few long balls easily
dealt with, Leeming rarely crossed into our half when Conrad’s block then pass was extended
to flying Muz for a lovely cross and Frankie’s second had us clipping at their heels at 3-2.
With all the momentum on our side, Ali found it necessary to argue with the ref even after
he got a yellow card for it. We were seconds too late to pull him out before getting his
marching orders (fortunately the ref cleared him to play next week). Down to 10 and chasing
the equaliser, the level of possession changed but not our determination to equalise.

We hit another post in a goalmouth scramble, had another couple of clear chances and
showed class and determination with our backs to the wall. In the end though, it was ‘one of
those games’ and the legs that commit forward were a bit less committing on the way back.
Leeming scored their 4th and 5th in the last five minutes on a break from a pretty much 1 on
1 with Tomaz with only two different angles to separate the two efforts. Frustrating because
the final 2-5 scoreline is about as far from the state of affairs as snow in Broome but hugely
heartening that we never gave up and pushed ever harder when down a goal and a man.
That’s football, bring on the derby against the Reds next weekend!
On a much, much sadder note, we watched a very upset teammate close to one of the two
boys killed on the road down south this afternoon remind us of the most important things in
life. Sunday football is not one of them.
You can imagine the more sombre mood after this game than the others. Sure we lost our
first game in a while but that paled into insignificance the thoughts, majority of us as fathers
too, of the tragedy of the boys killed and the impact it had on Liam. Sure, we like our goals
and points and competitive banter but there are far greater things than that and they make
us appreciate even more this bit of fun we have on the side.
We didn’t just lose points on Sunday though. It looked like none other than our young gun
Brad might be out with symptoms of something many of us experience so often we forget to
notice. Ever the opportunists for a laugh though, we imagined how inappropriate we’d look
in the proposed attire despite new and improved artwork.
This was also the first Derby Week and we could not afford to lose more players and in any
way jeopardise getting on top of the Reds on Sunday. Yeah, what could possibly …
Daniel held off playing at Leeming on Sunday in hope he would run on the pitch in his first
ever big one. Sadly, he came through with more bad news on Tuesday afternoon. A couple
of days later, Michael became the late(st) member of the COVID club. We started to think
something fishy was going on here as the timing was striking. This plus Nursey and JC away,
Felipe recovering from surgery and Greg on the long term injured list, all before the first
special day of the year — The Derby.

WhatsApp ran hot in the lead up to the all important Sunday clash. In the feed was a mix of
indignation, acceptance and humour about Andrew (not) boosting our numbers on Sunday,
mutual admiration, even suggestions of a Greens book (who would have thought …), game
prep and more.
There was also some timeless sage advice on the roles and responsibilities in a game of
football. Like in many thousands of teams before us, the pressure was on the backline to
deliver and make up for whatever the front could squander seemingly at will.
And did they do that on the Derby Day?
Sunday, 26 June, Len Shearer
MUM FC Red v MUM FC Green 0 — 3 (Round 10)
The Derby. Brother v brother. The day we think the world stops for a couple of hours but
really … that’s just what we think. As always, the pressure and skullduggery kept building
throughout the week. With Michael picking up COVID (what’s that again?) midweek and a few
other significant outs, Greens were going to have a tiny bench while the Reds ledger looked
positively bloated with legs (and to be fair here, the Reds did offer players in case of an
emergency, thank you!). Our request to have a Green-forever Andrew Seaber suiting up for
us was denied and that piece of horse trading continued until the very day of the game. On
Thursday night, we played a small pitch version of the derby at training and thank goodness
no Green or Red picked up an injury on a dark, slippy pitch. Both teams, separated only by
goal difference on the ladder, kept their powder dry for the main event on Sunday. But on
the day, it was Greens who fired first and fired more.
Despite their best efforts to pick up our last minute tactics with Rooney’s drone hovering
over us before the game, the Reds simply got ambushed. After happily complying with
Westy’s lovely request to shake hands before the kick off, Greens turned into a mean, slick
passing, forward feeding and chance missing machine. The first fifteen or so minutes were
played mostly in front of Rooney who kept the Reds in the game with a couple of spectacular
saves, aided once by the goalpost too. Equally spectacular was Frankie who we thought was
shaping for a career as a tree chopper with a thunderbolt that is going to be visible in that
poor tree’s rings when felled one day. But eventually, for all the Reds bravery at the back,
Frankie rounded the outstretched and desperate Rooney on the ground for a more than
deserved lead. Reds shaped up a bit after that and started to venture down the pitch for a
couple of half-chances but the Green backline held firm. Rooney got in the wars with the
charging Greens again but bravely got off the canvas and the minimal score held.
Midway through the first, Randall’s ambitious tactical plan to play with three at the back got
punctured again with a sublime through ball by Ali and Muzz’s twinkle toe finish. 2-0 and it
was only Rooney’s long limbs that stopped Hector’s header for more. It was exciting football,
aided by the excited, noisy but sadly injured Daniel on the sidelines. Reds started to make
use of the much longer bench but whoever came on the pitch for Greens seemed to have
slotted in very nicely too and did their job with aplomb. Brad, Javier, Leo and the neverstopping
Kieron and Ross settled the Reds’ nerves and the game was very much on towards
the end of first.

We expected Reds to come out all guns blazing but whatever they threw at us, our calm,
composed backline of Ely, Chris, Brad and Steve picked up and spat forward, usually via the
calm Jorge playing holding midfielder the way that would have JC worried for his spot when
back. The supply forward continued and while our shots did keep the dog walkers behind
Rooney’s goal a bit edgy, the ratio of them was firmly in Green’s favour. The opposition’s
switch to back four seemed to have incensed Mo, who hustled their centreback in the best
‘gegenpress’ fashion, won the ball and served Muzz with a delicious dilemma where to slot
our third and his second. 3-0 up and seemingly locked up, we feared there may be some
sort of twist to this tale in the usual Green fashion.
However, the anchor(s) at the back, led by the impenetrable ‘Iceman’ Chris and Hames-andall
taming MOTM Steve ensured that Tomaz did not have to do more than a couple of flashy
saves, unlike his brother Rooney at the other end. Even Brad (Power) had a deep run
forward from the centreback and only a desperate last millisecond lunge by Kieron stopped
him celebrating his first goal of the season. Westy kept a great control of the game,
especially after a few late tackles that we knew tired legs would inevitably produce at our
grade. This and the muddy patches on the pitch contributed to what looked like, but
fortunately didn’t eventuate as, a serious injury to Ali as he was carried off with moments to
go in the game.
A well deserved win for the Greens in front of the largest, noisiest and funniest top pitch
crowd this year was a reward for the shown discipline and tenacity. Derbies are funny beasts
- for all the skill they always seem to reward the team that wants it more. Can’t wait for the
next one and much so because of the wonderful atmosphere at the clubrooms afterwards.
Brothers v brothers became united again and reminded us why we keep coming back for
more, Sunday after Sunday. Thank you Reds for a good game and terrific food afterwards. I
hear when we host Renzo has a chilli special he was testing on Saturday ready to go. Should
ask him …
If the game had been covered by a proper sports journo they would throw around terms like
“emphatic”, “comprehensive”, “outplayed” and the likes but since none of them made it
(again!?) down to Len Shearer we had just our trusty old WhatsApp to capture and share the
post-game backslaps and glow of victory. Apart from taking a few lovely post game huggy
snaps, Jorge’s daughter actually video recorded us signing the song. We expected it to go
viral but the ‘appropriate content’ standards on all major social media platforms kicked in
and spared the world of seeing a bunch of sweaty, muddy but happy middle aged men
singing out of tune. If that’s the answer to a problem, we still wonder what the problem
might be.
For all the fireworks and winning goals at the front, Jorge’s assessment hit the nail on the
head, especially the part about us as a team being bigger than our problems.
As we began the working week feeling like walking on clouds, in came a brutal assessment of
the game by a talented MUMFC junior footballer who happened to have been there. Ah,
youth these days …

2021
2022

With Round 10 of the 22 for the season finished, it was time to take stock and compare the
season to last year’s. The difference was remarkable. With five instead of one win, we stood
fourth on the ladder, above last year’s winners and two games clear of Reds. We scored 31
goals compared to 13 the previous season but sadly shipped a few more too than last year.
Noticing the difference between the two seasons, a few individuals quickly used the reasons
for the difference and their name in the same sentence. Still, a great start to the season but
the next three games were always going to test us to stay up where we thought we would be
while draining those post-season beers last November at Otherside.
Next up was Baldivis, the team that had spanked us and everyone else in the league, at
times in brutal fashion. Of course we had to make things even harder for ourselves. Most of
the younger players were out with injury as pointed out by ‘Senior Steve’ and Tomaz was
away for Sunday. On the latter issue, the gloves were again thrown in (pun intended) for
who would go in goals. Jorge again expressed his feeling about the position he made a
memorable cameo in earlier in the season. But any hope, or lack of it really, to see him put
on the fluoro vanished when he hurt his quad at Thursday training.
Despite a few key outs the confidence was high but again we had just enough to cobble
together a team on Sunday and see what sort of team Baldivis bring up.
Sunday, 3 July, Len Shearer
MUM FC Green v Baldivis 0 — 6 (Round 11)
Our spirits were flying high after the comprehensive Derby win but a great spirit can only go
so far in replacing actual bodies on the ground. The absence of several Greens at Thursday
training and George’s early exit from it with a hurt quad were a bad omen for Sunday. With
loads of players injured, away and the usual but understandable ‘running late’, it was touch
and go to put an actual team on the pitch. This too against a sometimes lethal, sometimes
lame opposition from Baldivis. Well, it looked like they brought their good selves this time.
Conrad deputised between the sticks but even he was probably surprised when the visitors
got on board within a few kicks. Greens regrouped quickly though and played good football
with composure for much of the first half. At around the half hour mark though, the same
bloke from Baldivis celebrated his second and the score held till half time, with chances and
a couple of yellow cards each way.
Plenty of encouraging backslaps at half time and warnings to play smart with the razor thin
bench on hand. Baldivis seemed to have perfected the dark arts of diving while their #12
must have been teflon coated not get sent off. Unfortunately, Muz forgot to put on his cardrepellent
on before the game and he got his marching orders with about half an hour to go.
Baldivis took advantage of the circumstances and ruined our goal difference with four more
in the last 20 minutes. It was always going to be a tough afternoon in the circumstances and
there are plenty of games left to make sure nobody remembers this one.
Up and onwards Greens.

The afternoon was so un-memorable that even the game report had to be written by the
regular writer in absence overseas, at Rottnest that is. Our brothers in Red got spanked with
the same scoreline down at Spearwood and it truly was a weekend to forget score-wise.
Alas, to jog the memory and rub salt into the wounds, Ely bumped into one of the prickly
characters from Baldivis at work during the week. We are half-expecting never to see the guy
after that, no questions asked …
Mo remembered the guy as well but we weren’t sure if Mo was talking football or surgical
procedure. Speaking of things medical, Jorge shared an impressive image of himself on what
he called ‘inversion table’ to stretch his back. Such an innocent sounding name for a device
for which a few dirty minds in the groups quickly saw alternative uses for, mostly MA18+
rated and some containing the word ‘mistress’.
With COVID well and truly starting to do the second round and weather doing its regular wet
July thing, pitches and squads across the competition deteriorated further. An intense week
of horse trading and game changes meant that we kicked the Sunday game against the
league leaders UWA down the road by a few days as apparently they had to fix the lights at
their ground. This meant the fragmented Greens were available to plug holes for other
MUMFC Masters teams on the weekend or simply lick wounds and recover a bit.
While most took the rest option, Renzo starred as a striker and scored a goal for no less than
35s in their game on Sunday. Impressive! Tomaz suited up for Reds and helped them get a
much needed full set of points against Belmont in goals. Despite conceding a freakish goal
from a corner kick, the Reds expressed gratitude for his services with a memorable family
photo.

Liam shared his views about this football caper not being as fun as one would expect. Not
because of the recent losses but because it seemed that things have taken a meaner and
less enjoyable turn. Apart from his self-offered short cameos in a few games this year, Liam
had not played much but has always helped out with other duties like setup, lino or referreing.
We have always appreciated this but male teams and communication, both ways, can
sometimes be like a well meant but badly done offside trap. We fail to open our mouths and
act as one when needed, then look at each other going “oh, I thought you were…” If not
games, there was always the club quiz night to look forward to, for Liam and the rest of us.
Despite the rightful gripes, we hoped he could make it to the mid-weeker against UWA. We
were 9 (!) out and that was even before Brad foolishly decided to get sick too a day before. It
meant that some of the outs may have to be pleaded with to soldier on and we would be
asking favours around the club again. The ever-supporting MUMFC Masters group obliged
and given we had our two permitted under 45s (Daniel and Brad) out, we could even dip into
some younger blood to give us a hand. Trouble was, by the time the game started, our two
promised young stars from 35s hadn’t showed up!
We were quite a sight—two loud, limping shouters Jorge and Daniel on the side, Liam with
the lino flag as the only sub and the rest of us running on the barest of bones against the
top of the table team we lost 6-1 to earlier in the season. And did we just give up?
Wednesday, 13 July, UWA Sports Park
UWA v MUM FC Green 3 — 0 (Round 12)
We managed to postpone this fixture due to the low numbers on both sides, but only from
Sunday to midweek under the fixed (?) dim lights at UWA. Our numbers had not improved so
we had to dip into the MUMFC pool of players happy to help us out. At the kick off, we had
just our lino of fat on the sidelines but plenty of cheering on by injured Daniel who was soon
joined by quad-stricken Jorge. Against not just league leaders but a team known for its speed
and fitness, the night was always going to be a challenge.
From the very start, this was a quality game. The ball moved well on both sides and very
soon the hosts started to show their counterattacking prowess. The speed we missed at the
front with no Daniel, Muz or Frankie had to be shown in defence and we obliged. Going forward,
the mix of going long and playing from the back very nicely a few times produced a
couple of half chances. Sadly for Mo, he nailed only an illusionary header he shaped up for
as it was actually directed to the opposing pitch with goals off-centre to ours. It would have
look good on a SpecSavers ad. As the first sets of legs began to wear out, Paul (Carr) and Fernando
(Otalora) thankfully arrived to jump in, the former apparently straight from an overseas
holiday! Now that’s commitment.
Our Nando started bossing their forwards at the back, including their own bloke called Nando
so there was always one Nando who got the “good job” comments. Win-win there! One of
the lovely through balls found Paul one on one with their keeper but the scoreboard didn’t
move. It did however move only moments later when a pretty innocuous UWA kick on target
ended up in the back of our net courtesy of both the ball and Tomaz catching a bit of turf
sticking out. One of those … But instead of bringing us down this fired us up.

Even Renzo got … wait for it … a yellow card for a passionate kick of the ball in disgust after a
free kick call. We weren’t sure if Jorge was taking the piss out of Renzo urging him “not to talk
to the ref” as those who know the quiet gent (Renzo, not Jorge) chuckled at the inside joke.
UWA continued to enjoy most of the possession and they continued to pepper the goals
with shots and dangerous through balls but all of which we collectively managed to competently
parry until half time.
We were definitely in the game and the resolve was to push for it in the second half. From
the very kick off one could tell this really was a Green Machine on a mission. The possession
tables turned but the attacks were understandably a bit disjointed with so many big regular
outs, people playing out of their positions and despite fantastic help from our stand-ins. The
half chances in the first part of the second half shook nothing more than a few branches of
the bushes behind the goals while the opposition constantly looked to threaten from a
counter, often repelled by keeper-sweeper Tomaz, nimble Nando and sturdy Michael and
Nursey through the guts, figuratively and literally so.
As the football luck would have it, if you don’t score you concede and one of their corners
flew in the back of one of their heads, then continued on to a calf of a their bloke actually
facing away from goals for 0-2. Yet we kept on going and believing we could catch this one
up. With possession still on our side (that’s against the worthy league leaders too) and a
couple of threats at both ends later, Michael misdirected a corner header away that pingponged
between Nando, Tomaz and finally one of their players for a messy 0-3.
With four minutes to go the last push down their end almost resulted in a penalty but the
VAR (at our level that usually stands for Very Average Ref but the guy tonight was indeed
good) showed the handball took place just outside the box. Hitting the wall from a free kick
was not a problem and we didn’t end up getting on the board.
Overall though, we ended up with not just the score but the way we played a lot better than
the last time we played these guys. They themselves admitted they were a bit lucky tonight
and they were given a good test by the Greens. Crappy scoreline, lots of very tired bodies
(just ask Nursey, a pre-game ’out’, after his monumental effort), injury to previously thought
unbreakable Steve and, sadly, losing Liam halfway but also lots of positives out of the night.
Only teams with a spine can fight it out like this and it looks like Greens have got one, definitely
so. Now if we just got some legs for Sunday … Go Green!
Big thank you to the Pauls (Carr and Walker), Rob Waters and Nando Otalora for helping us
out tonight. Fellas, our ‘could not have done it without you’ is as literal as it is appreciative.
Sue, we fought well but lost (again) but the major talking point after the game was Renzo’s
yellow card. Muzz, resting on his red suspension, wondered why Renzo couldn’t join him
after such an act on the very spot he uttered those memorable words last year. Must have
been something to do with the delivery …
Speaking of delivery, Daniel caused some post game beer spray from our mouths claiming
he does ’everything’ in this team from playing, coaching … cooking!? Lucky Rochelle was not
there but I guess if you read this Rochelle—we understand.

Legs still wanted to rest after the tough midweek game against UWA but we had Curtin next
up on Sunday. We lost Steve from the playing list but fortunately we were ready to welcome
back Felipe from his injury. Brad was going to get out of bed for the game and Paul Walker
was happy to continue his role as the honorary Green for the week as we ‘couldn’t possibly
have’ Andrew Seaber. Even Daniel ‘The Gift’ was going to test his knee for some minutes
probably. We had as many as 13 down for the game — oh, luxury! On Thursday that is...
Last time we played Curtin, COVID literally mowed us down a day before. In line with this sad
tradition Ali tested positive a day before, Nursey sadly lost his dog on the day and Liam was
having a bit of a break from Greens. Fortunately Frankie got the last minute message that
we shifted the game from the waterlogged Len Shearer to Winthrop.
With clubrooms at Withrop demolished, goalnets and other game kit was moved to one of
the shipping containers on the site. None of us would get a job as a robber as we miserably
failed one after another to open the padlock while our opponents were happily warming up
on a rainy, cold afternoon. Eventually we started the game like we played as kids—just goals,
no nets, flags or even ref but Danny was fortunately on tap to help out there.
Later the nets came courtesy of some bolt cutters but by then ...
Sunday, 17 July, Winthrop
MUM FC Green v Curtin University 1 — 4 (Round 13)
How many Greens does it take to open a padlocked sea container with goalnets? About nine
and the container still stays locked.
Unlike our opposition, we took the fussing about the lock AS our warm up and by the time
we took to the bare, net-free pitch at Winthrop, we barely ran a step or kicked a ball. We
eventually kicked off thanks to Danny as always ably (and gratefully!) stepping in to ref and
just like midweek at UWA with just a lino to spare. Thanks to recent injuries, COVID and personal
tragedies we had some big outs but it was great to see Frankie and Felipe back from
injury. Before the game, Tomaz reminded the group of the through ball that Curtin love to
play with a few of their quicker players at the front. As we limbered up with first few kicks,
Curtin sliced our warming-up backline with their first then a few minutes later second
through ball (who would have ...) to put them up 2-0 in about ten minutes.
To make things worse, Daniel quickly limped off the pitch trying to hobble around with his
hurt knee no more and we had to tell our super sub (well, only sub) Mo twice to get on. But
this was like a switch for Greens to actually start paying attention to passes, cut down the
ball watching and even venture north a few times with Frankie as a potent but lone target
out the front. Chris and Michael locked up the middle of our defence, Renzo was linking
things through nicely, Mo was working hard in all areas of the pitch, Paul Walker, now an
honorary Green, had his second classy and much appreciated appearance for us this week,
and a couple of our shots warmed up the hands of the visiting keeper. We cut out any silly
business at the back and either blocked or swept the ball well before their couple of blokes
with fast legs that might still get asked for ID in nightclubs. We got back in the game.

The nets arrived eventually and it was nice to have a proper target in the second half. Maybe
it was because we had no legs to spare but we continued to move the ball smartly and patiently
rather than playing the high-octane-dribble-and-slap-forward-to-star-strikers game
we had been known for earlier in the year. What we forgot to do though is not give them too
much time to play those through balls and another one came with Tomaz taking a chance
and getting rounded at the top of the box rather than being, again, one on one with their
striker.
Fortunately, within a couple of minutes of it Frankie deservedly put us on the board with a
lovely strike for 1-3. Both teams kept trying - one to bury the game and the other to chase it.
A bloody hard thing to do but Greens again showed so much heart with a few fantastic tackles
by Conrad, Chris and back-from-injury Felipe, ball control by Hector and hard running
from Brad who literally got out of bed for the game. The “keepers!” shouts coming from players
rather than the keeper were more hopeful than directional and left us in the lurch again
for Curtin to bury the game with their fourth. A couple of mid-threatening long range efforts
at their end and an outstretched low fingertip parry by Tomaz were the last plays of a long,
tiring but gutsy afternoon. Yes, hammered again but not so much the score as the absolute
necessary absences. Chins up Greens and have a bloody good rest tonight.
Oh and if anyone is playing at Winthrop next - put a set of bolt cutters or a small angle grinder
in your kit bag will you.
Yes, a tough afternoon against an opponent we played well against last year but have not
yet cracked this year. Speaking of cracking, cool heads would not have uttered some harsh
words towards Mo during the game. Sure, heat of the moment thing but what was said was
not appropriate for, let’s face it, the low(est) levels of Masters football that we play. Equally
though, Mo didn’t quite take things calmly in his stride and — we had a problem. As it turned
out later, we lost Mo for the season. Disappointing? Yes. Avoidable? Absolutely.
The post game assessment from Hector was fair and Renzo proposed some team building in
the lead up to the big Cup game against the MUMFC As next Sunday. We first thought he
was already drunk proposing it but when we saw his reflection on the proposed coal walking
we knew he was still sober.
The rains came in and Len Shearer got spiked lumpy to drain and preserve the surface but
we fortunately we had a pretty good alternative surface at Winthrop to look forward to on
Sunday. What we did not look forward to though was the proposed beefing up of already
heavily favoured As squad with a few 35s. Thankfully, agent Jorge “Mendes” conducted some
highly sensitive and masterful trading to ensure we have enough non-Cup-tied personnel to
cover the outs in our squad, depleted by injuries, travel and some personal ’time outs’ from
Greens. This included replacements for our workhorse Brad and Tomaz in goals. The latter
pulled out on Friday with stitches in mouth from a dental procedure and we promptly
dispatched Ely to ‘investigate’ the dentist.
While Man United, Leeds and other EPL giants in town dominated the football news and
charged entry fees to their training sessions we generously held a free open public session
on Thursday at Winthrop. There were friendly jabs while we played mixed together with our
Sunday foes but you could sense there was something else than more rain in the air ...

Sunday, 24 July, Winthrop
MUMFC 45 A v MUM FC Green 2 — 3 (Masters Cup 45+ Metro, Round of 16)
The festival of football in Perth finished with a spectacle. It may have been less known and
flashy than the EPL giants in town this week but got played on a less muddy pitch, had a far
more entertaining crowd and at least produced a winner.
The much anticipated cup tie between MUMFC As and their lower B division brothers
MUMFC 45 Green kicked off at Winthrop with a friendly handshake. The As were clear pregame
favourites but the game was on from the kick off and one could tell that Greens were
not there to be spectators. The As were composed, organised and slightly ahead on meaningful
possession with early threats coming from the skillful Korean connection weaved by
mostly Nick and supplied by Michael. Greens threatened mainly through their two spearheads
Muz and Frankie with the latter forcing Michael Linney in As goals to make a terrific
diving block. Around the 18th minute, the As slick midfield was given a little too much time
to serve a delightful pass that split Green fullbacks and put Nick in the position to calmly slot
the game’s first past Rooney (standing in for Tomaz out).
Injection of fresh legs around the 20 minute on both sides kept the pace of the game and As
were not afraid to launch them from far, one an unstoppable bomb that rattled the bar/post
joint (well left Rooney, knew it…). Down the other end, Frankie shook off two defenders and
supplied a lovely cross that Muz latched on but threatened only one of those artificial bird
nests high up in the trees. In the other box, Mucciacciaro and Celenza were doing the Italian
job on each other with vigour that belied their rosy ages. Speaking of vigour, Hector got
crunched in an aerial challenge and Dean nearly got knocked out by a ping flush to his face.
Even the ref felt the wrath of thunder from the As backline as he copped one from the back
right into his kidneys. But As just seemed to have a bit more wits about them and around
the 30th minute Michael punished a lame mix up at the back by Greens with a clinical finish
and a posey photo. 2-0 and things were going to a largely predicted script - Greens fight, As
score. Ezio had a chance to quickly put one more in the bag for As but his effort from close
range sailed high over a relieved Rooney. And if you thought Greens were not threatening
you’d be wrong but Renzo only managed to reply in a similar fashion down the other end.
Nursey added some nice touches and stability at the back towards the end of first as As persisted
with crosses from their nimble wingers but the score didn’t move.
At half time, the Greens huddle lamented the wasted chances and a couple of easy goals,
determined to make amends in the second. This game was still on, oh yeah. An early corner
by As was well parried by the Greens defence and sent Muz down the right sprint lane. The
Greens talismanic dynamo (sorely missed in the last couple of games) did the tumbleweed
routine with a defender at the edge of the box, got up and served a ball that his partner in
crime Frankie coolly slotted in for 2-1. Things evened out in terms of possession but Greens
visibly grew in their belief. The As threats via flanks dried up, largely due to tireless efforts of
Ely, Chris, Conrad and Steve, while Michael and Renzo commanded the middle and often
linked nicely with Mark, Paul and JC in front of them.
...

Fortune favours the brave they say and it was only an assisting glance off the ref that
stopped the As third goal to be called. And as the brave goes, Rooney performed a major
chance-saving slide tackle on a through ball just outside the box. The ball was quickly
dispatched north where Renzo again justified his Air Renzo fame with a magnificent high
curling shot from outside the box. It was a ball that went from “no, it can’t be” to “oh shit” in
a flash and all that Mike could do was return it to the middle. 2-2, game on. Greens rode the
comeback wave with passion and only three minutes later supplied another lovely ball to
Frankie who shook off a defender, bolted towards then rounded Mike for a very not-to-script
3-2 scoreline.
Well, the gloves were truly off! The As had to bring their A game to level this one as Greens
dug in with about 20 minutes to go. Plenty of half chances but apart from Ezio’s smoking
effort from just outside the box, Rooney was either attracting the ball like a magnet straight
to his chest and feet or plucking them from the air. Renzo got a complimentary temporary
tattoo on his chest from blocking a shot in the wall and a few physical mementos seemed to
be OK. Ali thought that too when he dangerously clattered both the ball and Nick and things
threatened to get ugly. Tired but seemingly more desperate Green legs produced a couple
more late and frankly dangerous tackles. After one of them, Ezio protested with ref enough
to get a yellow. Within seconds though, a red card was produced and Randall was getting
ready to intervene as the Ground Marshall … when we found out the ref meant the red was
for the sliding studs-up man Ali not Ezio and then … no one. He “got it wrong” and the game
went on.
While the As enjoyed more possession, Greens were ready to bury the game but Frankie’s
acrobatic aerial effort was matched by Mike’s acrobatic aerial effort in goals. In the last ten
minutes, As started going very direct and in the air but the Green bunker held firm while
threatening to make the most of the stretched lines a couple of times. As the final whistle
went, the healthy MUMFC Masters gaggle that came to watch the game gave their last jabs
and laughs and Greens sailed into the, would you believe it, last 16 of the Cup.
You better believe it! Go Greens
An epic effort against the grain of the past few games and a timeless confirmation of how
football can produce such unpredictable stories. This was definitely one of the high points of
a yo-yo season (just checking your age here to see if you know what a yo-yo is) . While some
of the Greens could not make it to witness this epic win, Jorge abruptly left a family affair
across town after seeing the image of Frankie celebrating his second goal on WhatsApp and
made it just in time to see the final minutes and sing the team song with the lads. Speaking
of goals, Muz thought his ‘Hector’ was what made His Airness Renzo score.
Since Daniel could not play, he was asked to run the changes during the game. Hector, who
usually runs the changes, openly wondered how hard that one job must be, especially as
there was for once an actual bench to sit on for no more than three subs on the day. Well, if
you have a sub that goes to chase stray balls and talks to mates ten yards behind you it may
slip in the general excitement. That is exactly what happened to Nursey and Daniel was
quick to publicly apologise for his unintentional oversight. All good and no friendly fire lost
between Hector and Daniel either.
A welcome bye was coming up and we could again return some favours to MUMFC teams.

August began with a three day ‘storm of the year’ that gave ducks more water to swim in and
more football teams to curse pitch conditions. We also found out that we are facing Subiaco
in the next Cup round. OK, a team from North’s top league but then there were no bunnies
left in this tournament anyway, “Bring it on” the cry went out among the Greens as we
scrambled to get info on our opponents. Any advantage we could get, legit or otherwise,
seemed perfectly reasonable to chase as we knew we were up for it. At the first ‘who’s in’
whip around we got a healthy looking 15 for next Tuesday night. Sadly, Daniel “The…” (Gift,
Boot, Limp, Voice, Cook, Cheerleader, Sub-Maker …) was still out and for more than anyone
hoped for before and during the season.
Tomaz had been canvassing people to join on the Greens table at MUMFC Quiz Night for
weeks and it started to look like we might need to be calling out to fill the outs on our table
too. We had to be mindful though who we ask to help out though and at what cost … Fortunately,
some of our better halves were happy to help out the Greens cause. On the night, we
had Liam, and JC as the evening’s bachelors joined by Lisa and Greg, Caroline and Michael,
and Anna and Tomaz representing the Greens as the mighty team ‘Air Renzo’. After a
strong start in the first few rounds we sat around the fourth out of 14 tables but slipped
after a dismal round in football knowledge (funny that…). However, JC’s superior knowledge
of the Marvel universe, Liam’s trips down the music memory lane as a headbanging youth
(picture that!) and a few useful chip-ins from the rest of us made us finish very respectable
equal fourth at the end of a really fun night. Where we wanted to finish our football season,
right? Well, at least we have the brains …
We looked forward to getting back on the pitch on Sunday against Manning, apparently
quite an abrasive lot. With the game scheduled at 1pm, earlier than usual, we were always
going to count on people arriving late from other Sunday commitments. Reluctantly of
course, Brad beat the usual ’running late, family taxi’ notices with the news from ED. As we
trickled in to Centenary Park though, we were greeted by the sight of ducks happily swimming
around the top of the penalty box and all along one side of the only marked pitch in
sight. We would offer to play at Winthrop but that was fully taken too after Len Shearer also
flooded during the morning downpour. Mighty annoying for both teams to see a perfectly
nice afternoon go to waste (not to mention expensive petrol to get there, ask Muz travelling
from the hills) and postpone the game for some mid-week night where more of us will be
sore or missing but we had to accept our lot and move on. But when game postponements
and shifts start to rain, they pour!
A few days after FW posted our Cup game as Tuesday, 9 August we got a notice from Brad
Hames that Subiaco want to postpone that game too. What followed was the proof of our
flexibility, patience, and our pride not so much in our ability organise stuff as in our ability to
fly by the seat of our pants. To give you some idea, below is a merely sketched timeline of
events.
Ready for a doozy? Take your breath ...
1 Aug, Monday:
• Brad Hames emails Hector - Cup drawn, game versus Subiaco to be played Tuesday 9/8
at 7pm, away at Rosalie Park

2 Aug, Tuesday
• we get 15 names down on WhatsApp to play Tuesday 9/8, good to go;
• message from Brad “Subi want to move the game to 24/8 [a Wednesday], next Cup
round 4 September”
• Hector asks for views, round of Who’s In? for 24/8 - several outs for that date, consensus
we should play on Tuesday 9/8 as we may be quite disadvantaged playing Wednesday
24/8. Some suggestions that we should accommodate thought to earn some Football
West brownie points, we need them as a club.
• Jorge mentions the reason for Subiaco’s request is their ground that may be unusable
or even allowed to play on after heavy rain all week.
5 Aug, Friday
• With the weather forecast “horrible”, we do a quick Who’s In for Tuesday 9/8 OR Thursday
11/8 but at Winthrop as Len Shearer is also likely to be flooded and/or busy anyway.
We have several outs for Thursday 11/8.
• Jorge sends Brad a message to pass on to Subiaco that we are “happy to postpone to a
Wednesday but 24/8 might be too late anyway, too close to next Cup round”, we propose
Wed 10/8 or 17/8 the latest.
• Several outs for Wed 17/8, one of them Muzz, very annoyed. Michael just realises he’s
away on 17/8 too.
• Jorge asks Brad to ask Subiaco for Wed 10/8 or Thursday 11/8
8 Aug, Monday
• Brad asks us via Jorge if we are OK to play the game on Friday night, 12/8; quick ‘Who’s
In’ ends with mixed responses but clearly a struggle to get 11 for it
• Jorge asks (via Brad) if Subiaco can still do Tuesday 9/8 (next day!). If they can’t we offer
Withrop but no one has checked Withrop availability, we presume after 7.30 OK.
• Subiaco respond and suggest we postpone our respective league games and play on
Sunday; we’d need to contact Spearwood to get their OK; some internal shots about
who should be doing what; Muzz and Michael away - not keen to play Cup on Sunday
• Another Who’s In for Tuesday, 9/8 shows we have 15 and ready to play, wherever, Chris
is still out with COVID. Do we turn up at Rosalie Park so they don’t claim forfeit if we
don’t? Where at Rosalie Park? Maps fly …
• Muzz goes to put our roster on the FW app, the app shows the game is scheduled for
24/8 at 7.14!!?
• Brad replies to Subi again that we can host tomorrow (9/8) but suggests to us we play
on Friday 12/8
• In the evening, Subiaco reply via Brad that tomorrow is no go either way; Jorge suggests
Wednesday 10/8 or Thursday 11/8 and asks for another ‘Who’s In’; mixed responses -
some yes no, some don’t bother replying, probably sick of it
• Football West notify us that the “latest date they are willing to accommodate for this
game to go ahead in 19 August” (see previous dates proposed, one of them 24/8)
• Brad asks us to decide when to play Cup - Sunday or Friday; to consider importance
and availability; some still can’t make Friday but we agree to play on Friday 12/8
9 Aug, Tuesday
• Around lunchtime, Daniel checks FW site and sees the game is scheduled for, wait for
it… 2.30pm today at Joondalup, comic relief on WhatsApp follows quickly
• 2.35pm email from Subiaco via Brad - have requested the pitch for Friday, will let you
know (due to the rain, Subiaco need a green light from local council to play on the
pitch); own pitches sodden and Len Shearer our, possibly Winthrop too; Daniel suggest
we play the game on XBox, the only usable pitch in town
10 - 11 Aug, Wednesday and Thursday
• Couple of late outs on our side, Jorge trying to find people not cup-tied to play for us
• Asking ‘Who’s In’ for Sunday v Spearwood as it is going to be a tight turnaround
• Chris seems to be OK, JC still not well but we’ll put a team on the park Friday night
12 Aug, Friday
• We don’t hear any confirmation or cancellation from Subiaco so we assume the game is
on at 7.30pm
• We turn up at Rosalie Park and play the game!

Friday, 12 August, Rosalie Park
Subiaco v MUM FC Green
3 — 0 (Masters Cup 45+ Metro, quarter final)
Two weeks without a game thanks to a bye and a washout had Greens chomping at the bit
to play some football. The game made history even before the kick off for two reasons.
Greens were the last of the MUMFC Masters teams left in the Cup, trying to match last year’s
miracle run of Brad’s Fantasy Football team. Secondly, this piece of football took the longest
ever chain of WhatsApp messages and emails to organise. You don’t want to know …
Before the kick off, we agreed to start strong and really show teeth in the first ten minutes.
Well, we extended that to far more than that and matched the faster home team playing in
North’s top league on the ground and in the air. Muz was haranguing their backs, Jorge was
turning on a dime in midfield and the backline put their couple of tall forwards in their
pocket. A couple of chances each way and a solid tussle between the two boxes was all the
crowd had to cheer on. Very early on, we figured they are an extremely whiney team. Nursey
was accused of ‘touching’ their marshmallow forward while the same bloke kept checking if
Michael was wearing a bra and thought that was perfectly OK. Western suburbs thing or
what? Just as we thought we’d be going to half time break locked at double donut, Subiaco
swept a dangerous waist-high cross with about four blokes in its path but the first solid
object that it touched was the join of the post and side net inside our goal. Not exactly
against a run of play but annoying enough to concede. Greg raised his flag for offside but
the ref who overall did a pretty good job, did not buy it even after a brief consultation. Five
minutes later, Tomaz put the body well behind a close range shot but the ball bounced off
the semi-dried pile of mud off his chest in the last moment and into the flurry of legs for a
ping pong that saw us 0-2 down with the last kick of the half.
We have been here before and we were determined to level things up. The start of the
second offered much the same pattern of play as the first. What we lacked in pace however
we didn’t quite make up for in fine touch either and we found it hard to hold the ball for any
longer spells of possession. We did fight though and gradually racked up more possession
but the difference was that Subi could and did play it into space but we kept playing into
heavy traffic. Frankie started to warm up and after their keeper mistimed his run, Frankie
did his wonderful twist on the run, had the ball travelling towards the goal and the whole
MUMFC crew widening their eyes to see the goal … but the ball bounced off the post. A goal
there would have completely changed the flow of the game as Greens continued to push
and push, even at the expense of the occasional failure to track back.
With nothing to lose, we pushed as well as we could up the front while the back and Tomaz
handled any danger coming through the middle or the flanks. Subiaco’s crappiest player but
dirtiest mouth and studs not only clattered but insulted Frankie and we had to hold Frankie
back from his second yellow (and probably decking the annoying bloke). Seeing Ali there as
the first responder doing the separating was a sight to behold though. Inside the last ten
minutes and against a run of play, their free kick from the side of the box was meant as a
cross but ended up curling in the very top corner over the outstretched Tomaz to pretty
much bury the game at 3-0 and end the 2022 Cup run for Greens.

We fought and never gave up but on the day, the unflattering score did not quite match
what was shown. Lots of guts and heart by Greens till the very end but in the end that’s football.
We look forward to the gods of football fortune repaying us for Subiaco’s lucky goals at
some stage soon.
Again, a big thank you to Mark Hannaway and Paul Walker for helping us out on the pitch
and to so many MUMFC people who came down to see our Cup run and cheered us on from
the sidelines on a Friday night. Our crowd was bigger than the home team’s and that says a
lot about our club and especially our Masters setup. Cheers.
Well, we gave a good account of ourselves on the night against the eventual grand finalists
and with a bit of luck sometimes needed in football we might have pushed through a semi
final. Still, a really good Cup run representing our club well.
As Saturday morning dawned we were like a field hospital of sore and injured bodies with
some COVID around to boot. Ali, a GP by profession, even called his injured muscle by its
Latin name but this proved a bit too technical for the well meaning Ely who must have slept
through his anatomy classes. Speaking of Ely, we thought his reply to JC was just a thinly
velied message of what he had done to him by lunchtime.
The Subiaco game also caused some tired (literally and figuratively) old grumbles about playing
time. The playing time issue could not have come at a worst time for the team as Jorge,
Hector and most of us were trying to patch up a team to take to the field on Sunday against
Spearwood regardless of how (un)competitive we’d be. A few honest WhatsApp messages
were genuinely trying to clear the air and set things straight. Issues like these almost inevitably
pop up in teams much above our level let alone like ours. How much one puts himself in
the service of a team is a personal choice but certainly has an effect on the entire team. It is
ultimately what makes teams or breaks them, from PSG to MUMFC.
Greg provided some much needed Saturday night cheer with a few posts from Stevo’s first
gig with his new band and it looked like a lot of fun. On Sunday morning though, we kept a
close eye on WhatsApp as the seemingly tireless Jorge managed to get us a postponement
of our game against Spearwood at the literally the eleventh hour. This came not only at a
cost of Jorge’s sprained fingers from typing but also missing his daughters game so he could
manage our sometimes childish and persnickety (look it up…) lot. This sort of largely thankless
and to some invisible work behind the scenes will never be displayed on some points
table like goals and points but it is makes what we do actually possible.
During the week, Bureau of Meteorology confirmed what we suspected and declared August
as the wettest one on record with still two weeks to go. What we also suspected and also got
confirmed was that Conrad was not interested in playing for Greens anymore as he made
himself unavailable for us but signed up to play for As on the coming Sunday. Maybe he was
afraid of Ely chasing him for the $25 he still owed in match contributions? Conrad’s decision
came just as we struggled with injuries and other outs but we had neither time nor frankly
energy to worry too much. Our loss was As gain and that’s OK.
Next we faced Belmont. A real chance for us to get some league points again but …

Sunday, 21 August, Gerry Archer Sports Park
Belmont Villa v MUM FC Green 3 — 2 (Round 17)
After another week of patching up the squad we travelled to face the team we had the best
chance to sing our team song after playing them (been awhile now …). The 11am matinee
didn’t suit all so we started the game with just a linesman of fat against a home team sporting
a full roster. Last Friday, we asked the gods of football luck to send something our way
after the Cup loss to Subiaco and after five minutes they seemed to have obliged. Their
stand-in keeper handled a backpass five metres out from the goal line and Renzo made sure
with a low rifle shot through the wall of about 9 players on the line that the guy now knows
the rules forever. 1-0 up. Belmont were not afraid to ping them from distance and while a
few whistled past outstretched Tomaz one struck the bar. We welcomed the sight of Frankie
warming up after coming in late because he was the one that destroyed Belmont list time
we played them. Not long after Frankie took to the pitch though we lost Brad for the game
with a busted hammy. A serious blow to the backline that also meant Renzo had to move
back and could not supply his lovely through balls to the dynamic duo of Muz and Frankie
(well trio if you add Ali) at the front. Belmont found some composure and their key playmaker
found some space at the top of the box to curl an unstoppable (well, at this level at
least…) beauty in the top corner to level us at 1-1. Our midfield was scrappy and trying to
play fancy where fancy was not called for. Muz however did manage to get on the end of a
lovely cross from tireless Ali, speared through the air low and beat the keeper but not the
post that would reward our hard work on a sunny, warm morning. The tiredness was starting
to show and we couldn’t wait for the half-time whistle.
Not sure whether it was Hector’s histrionic imitation and berating of individuals or actually
just a bit of rest in the shade that made Greens start the second half with possession and
purpose. For the first 15 minutes of the second half, chance after chance were shaking Belmont’s
boots and branches of the beautiful flame tree behind their goal. It’s either we pissed
off the football gods of luck again or we need to do better converting … Eventually Frankie
burst the dam with a cannon of a free kick that him and Renzo looked like both taking in a
very pro-looking setup. 2-1 up but we started losing more balls doing fancy dribbles in midfield
and Belmont eventually ventured our way. With about 20 minutes to go, a lame speculative
shot from the edge of the box inexplicably slipped under Tomaz for a howler and 2-2.
We still had the possession and the push for the full set of points was on but the lack of legs
at our end and a steady supply of fresh legs on theirs really started to show. Nursey had
been absolutely superb in defence all day but he could do little in a footrace with a freshlegged
striker who coolly slotted their third past low-sprawled Tomaz for 3-2. This was
Nursey’s last act of the game as he walked off with a busted hammy, soon followed by Felipe.
Thankfully Mark Colley came down to cheer us on so we had a linesman as we trickled
down to 10 but we still managed to generate but also parry a couple of corners. As the final
whistle blew, you could hear the cheers of Belmont as they don’t win games often but then
it’s been a while for us in the league too. A tough morning but a lot of honest effort by all
that showed up and took it to Belmont. Let’s hope for some fast healing hammies and egos
so we can perhaps put more than a futsal team on the park next weekend. Go Greens!
We checked on and lifted each other up as the ladder showed no more points for us in a
while and a levelling with Reds who had just beaten Curtin. Seven rounds to go ...

We watched with concern as the ‘full medicals’ came through the next day and Renzo rightly
wondered if anyone is actually in for next Sunday. That formation talk was going to come up
again but this time with a lot smaller numbers to play around with. Even the indestructible
Muz was feeling vax affected and under the weather on the day but that was always good
enough for us really.
Luckily Reds had a bye coming up so we could tip our beggars hat again. Reds Mark, Javier
and Terry from As were kind enough to suit up for the coughing and spluttering Greens facing
an in-form foe. But the self-titled ‘Green Machine’ never ceases to aspire and believe. Hiho,
hi-ho, off to Leeming we go ...
Sunday, 28 August, John Connell Reserve
Leeming Strikers v MUM FC Green 5 — 2 (Round 18)
After last week’s record of three players off during the game injured it was great to hear we
were actually going to have some (extra) legs this afternoon against a team neither we nor
Reds have fared well this year. We welcomed back JC and Greg, the latter after a long time
off with a broken shoulder. That and a couple of Reds on a bye, nice afternoon and a sense
of ‘can do’ after last week’s debacle was how we started, wanting to take it up to Leeming.
We pushed forward early, kept the ball on the deck nicely and all we needed was a hero. We
soon got one in the shape of Elly who sublimely kung-fued a rebound over their keeper for a
1-0 after 10 minutes. That seemed to have woken up Leeming, who had a couple of dangerous
long range shots, a penalty and an eye-to-eye with Tomaz but to no avail as the Big Bird
was up to it all. At the other end, their trigger happy linesman was more cruel to Hector than
Daniel on WhatsApp and raised the flag when even within general proximity of the off-line.
Leeming did eventually capitalise on the slick move they are very good at and tapped in the
equaliser. Muz hit the shinpads of the oncoming keeper, Hector thought it was still warm up
the keeper time, even Liam’s smooth lay off was laid to waste and chances for us to hit the
front went begging. Still, we went to halftime believing,
One of the big things we talked about at halftime was communication. How we should talk
and work together … until about 47 seconds of the second half when we looked at each other
and they tapped another one in from the second post to hit the front. We still had the
whole half ahead so no panic. We fought but started to lose more midfield battles, passing
either into traffic and losing the pill, while at the front all we could think of was to look for
Muz who bravely ran his vaccine-affected socks off or occasionally find Ali for a bit of a
mazey run. At the back, we started (mis)communicating and treating them with way too
much respect that gave them space to serve their third off a cross, then a curly “I went for it
but never thought it would come off” fourth sublime chip over Tomaz from close distance.
Inspired by Ali and Muz’s tireless pushing forwards, Renzo laid a beauty for Ali to expertly
push past the keeper for 4-2. Our pep and intensity went up again, we even mustered a couple
of healthy chances but Leeming had answers for everything we couldn’t even answer
ourselves. At the other end, a crash between Tomaz and their striker ended with a rebound
goal, bloody sore shoulder and our ignored linesman for 5-2. With the game gone and us
persisting with the useless, they managed to get another lame tap in for the final score.
Again, not our (full) afternoon but some great stuff too, especially seeing Greg back on the
pitch. Bring on the Derby next week!

As we drained a few necessary post-game drinks we reflected on our rotten luck lately. Even
a Nigerian prince apparently took pity on us and contacted Liam directly with a promise to
elevate us to EPL as a joint venture between our credit cards and his genius.
Lucky for Renzo but not so for us, our reliable engine and T-shirt model departed straight for
the airport after the game for a well deserved holiday in sunny Spain. We didn’t check but
we hoped his lessons to brush up on his Spanish that Ely reminded him to do would pay off
nicely. Another stalwart gone for three weeks but who’s complaining… our final derby
against the Reds, on even points, was coming up next!
Brad Hames is the tireless cat herder and driving force behind this whole MUMFC Masters
business. For those reasons, he is a lurking member of Greens WhatsApp group. He is also …
a Red! Within hours of the ‘derby week’ he tripled his number of posts in Greens chat. Coincidence
or first attempts at skulduggery from the Red camp? Whatever the case, this and the
general tiredness of a seemingly endless season caused WhatsApp to go quiet as recent
Green’s singing. Or maybe it was because someone mentioned organising post-game food
that had to be more than a call to Dominoes that got us out of pickle so many times?
There were a few fighting words from Liam, a lovely touch by Hector to call Reds ’kitties’, bit
of Tomaz stirring the old ‘Andrew Seaber playing?’ pot but other than that a complete absence
of the usual energy, boasts and silly carry on before a derby. Even at and post training
on Thursday it was as if nothing particular is happening on Sunday, just eventually some
actually sensible discussion about organising food. Maybe Steve was right calling it a calm
before the storm or maybe we were all just too damn tired, sore and over it to care? And
why exactly would Steve be the person saying it?
Derbies go to the ones who care more about it (but the food is always good). So, on Father’s
Day, we donned the black kit as the home team in this high stakes and potential seasonturner
and faced the Red ’frenemy’.
Sunday, 4 September, Len Shearer
MUM FC Green v MUMFC Red 1 — 5 (Round 19)
Always a special day, Red v Green derbies have always attracted large crowds to Masters
football at Len Shearer. Yesterday was no different as about 20 souls, many with a beer in
hand and cheek in mind, saw the battle for pretty much 6th place in the league and, of
course, the all important bragging rights. With Greens again razor thin on the roster, Reds
kindly offered Lee to turn Green for the afternoon. It seemed even before the obligatory pregame
team photo that Reds were far more serious about this one. So far this year, whatever
team wore the stripey clash kit walked out winners too …
And Reds did not disappoint. Organised and threatening early, Denis crowned their early eagerness
with a coolly taken penalty after Jorge’s over-enthusiastic shielding of the ball in the
box. Not long after, ‘Mr Fire’ Ross spanked an unstoppable beauty from the edge of the box
to go 2-0 up in the first 10 minutes! This suddenly rang the wake up alarm to Greens who
quickly settled, plugged defensive holes, started to enjoy more possession and had chances
but were either too inaccurate or hesitant to test Rooney.

Jorge did eventually latch on a loose ball in the box and with a lovely twist beat the man on
loan from Celtic for 2-1. Felling of keepers seemed to be acceptable as Badger first cleaned
up Tomaz and Rooney had a scare falling on his back towards the end of first but both fortunately
stayed between the sticks. At half time the game was definitely still on.
The Greens huddle were determined to peg this one back and avoid playing 3-5-2 Jorge
cheekily threatened with if we conceded some more. The second half started pretty much in
the Reds half as Greens (finally) put some pressure on the ball up the field. The never
worked on corner routines by Greens produced the expected results as Reds began to find
their legs again and play into space. On a break, Ross’ ball across the goal face was destined
for hammering in on the back stick by the waiting Brad Hames but Steve made sure he gets
on the board himself instead of BH with a well deflected own goal. 3-1 but there was still
time. A couple of dangerous forays by hard working Ali on the right, a couple of lovely
through balls by Hector, Muz and Liam, Greens still wanted but legs were starting to tell. At
the other end, Denis crowned a dangerous run in the box with a determined shake-off of his
defender and a classy finish Mitrovic-style into the side net for 4-1.
At this stage, even a potential move to 3-5-2 looked unlikely to produce the necessary electric
shock for Greens. With about 10 minutes to go, Steve gave another masterclass on how
to bundle a low cross into your own net as Reds seriously started to look for the man in
Green on a hat trick! Not for the lack of want by Greens, Reds deservedly shouted in delight
as the ref finally blew the end and the noisy gaggle on the sidelines could take their jabs and
pokes on to the club bar for a Greens-organised feed way above the usual Dominoes pizza
standard and good spirited backslaps all round.
After the lost derby, Tomaz poked the nest with his interpretation of what constitutes a
‘mistake’ and what can be called ‘unlucky’. We figured that him failing to mention Jorge’s goal
in the initial game report was ‘unlucky’ too …
This and Steve’s (own)goal-scoring ability quickly turned into a bit of a Green meme and it
was like we turned the funny tap on again. It was great to see that sense of humour and perspective
again outweigh the worry about goals or points scored or not. We publicly reaffirmed
the commitment which has been easy to lose over the past couple of tough
months—to actually have fun playing this thing. And with three regular rounds plus two
catch up games to go (and no clear plan when we will play them all in the next three weeks)
there was plenty of opportunity to test that commitment.
Apart from Brad Hames’ (by now unsettling) eavesdropping, we also heard from Renzo in
sunny Barcelona. Once he told us he is going to a Champions League game in at Camp Nou
against the Czech team Viktoria we couldn’t but help with useful and timely suggestions if he
gets called to suit up by Xavi. All part of the service ...

As promised, Renzo sent us a picture of him at the full Camp Nou watching Champions
League football. If the game was played at Len Shearer, he might have been just within
range if Xavi called him up to give him a few minutes on the pitch but with all that noise and
crowd around Renzo had no chance. At least he could see what a 5-1 win looks like, just like
one on the other side of the planet.
While in Barcelona, we asked Renzo to think next season and do some pre-contact work with
Lewandowski on behalf of our Jorge. With the way our star strikers have gone, we would be
happy to throw in not just a shirt but perhaps a reduced ref fee for every game next year but
Jorge quickly reminded us of the major stumbling block straight up. Shame, really ...
A couple of days after the derby though—a bombshell! No, not the Queen’s passing but
Jorge re-post of the smiling pregame team photo with the Reds. This time he asked us for a
closer look. Eagle-eyed Liam was first to spot the now (in)famous double-scorer Steve blending
in with Reds. Well, if a camera doesn’t lie, Photoshop has a lot to answer for. There were
jabs and jokes about it even as were pulling on our kit on Sunday to face Baldivis at the ungodly
hour of 11.30am under the warm again spring sun.
Sunday, 11 September, Len Shearer
MUM FC Green v Baldivis 0 — 5 (Round 20)
The Len Shearer Festival of Football of five MUMFC Masters games kicked off with Greens
facing a hoodoo side never beaten before and usually responsible for some serious goal
difference damage. Still, we hoped that the early kick off straight after the Miniroos and a
bolstered line up full of Red brothers might do the trick this time. It’s football after all.
If any of the Miniroos did hang around with a season wind-up sausage in their mouth watching
us oldies play, they would have seen the home team in funky sashed whites dominating
the first fifteen minutes. They would also learn how to create a chance courtesy of Jorge and
Muz determined runs but also see what happens when you miss it. Still, a bright start while
our backline was solid with Ely and Brad Power in particular bossing a couple of their dangerous
wingers and playmakers. Mark owned the defensive mid space while Michael and
then Pagey dealt with bodies and ball well. Greens were mixing the long ball and some of
well-composed tiki taka and it was great to have fresh legs coming in a bit on a hot day.
Baldivis were no slouches though and Tomaz’s fluoro was well seen and solid all over the
box. Unfortunately one of his desperate tip toe saves fell to a bloke who looked a bystander
in the box with no one around. The rebound broke the deadlock with two minutes to go in
the half, 0-1 down. Absolutely still in the game … but Greens have repeated that sentence in
probably the last half dozen if not more games.
As much as they were welcome, with all the subs coming in and out we began to struggle to
find rhythm and keep on the same wavelength. Baldivis must have sensed that and with a
bit less pressure up the field they started playing a bit more into space as their through balls
were starting to find targets they couldn’t in the first half. One lovely ball over the top found
their number nine to finish off past a charging Tomaz for 2-0. Three attacks later, a tapped in
low ball across the box megged the retreating Brad Hames and pushed things up to 3-0.

We hardly bothered their keeper but it wasn’t for Muz trying his heart out as a lonely target
up front. We did however show glimpses of lovely play and one such string of possession
ended with a beautiful cross but the lazy (non-existent) Len Shearer groundskeeper was in
Hector’s thoughts as the ball bobbled out of his control. For all the “still 0-0” cries among the
Greens and honorary Greens alike that chance gave us, Baldivis sliced our defence with another
diagonal run for 4-0, then finished the job with a one-two off the post/bar joint that
bounced in than out but we all knew better than to argue Liam’s integrity as the linesman. A
couple of early chances begging and twenty minutes of lost composure and four quick goals
cost us another pile-on but we left our heart there. It is what it is.
Special thanks to Danny for outstanding refereeing and heartfelt thank you to Brad H, Mark,
Lee, Paigey, Javier and even Rooney in the field. The latter two missed their kids’ wind up on
the upper pitch to help us on the lower pitch - well appreciated gents, we literally wouldn’t
have the team to put on the park. It was great to hear that despite (or maybe because of…?)
their earlier run with us Greens, the Reds held Dallies to a draw in the afternoon fixture.
Two regular and two catch up games to go for Greens this season, not that we’re counting.
We may not have been winning many lately but we don’t give up. Only that would be losing.
With our pride, confidence and goal difference dented even further, the last thing we needed
to hear after the game that Michael did a hernia and is out for probably the rest of what
was left of the season. Those references to a Green Ward at the hospital around the corner
were only partly funny really.
But we also had to regroup quickly for a game that loomed as the last one that, by looking at
the table and our recent form, we could realistically win. Manning had finally agreed to play
the postponed fixture and our last two weeks of the season filled up faster than the Len
Shearer top pitch in a storm.
Thursday, 15 September, Len Shearer
MUM FC Green v Manning 5 — 2 (postponed Round 15)
Imagine this … You see your tireless working teammate floating a perfect (read assisted by a
kind bobble off the chopped up ground) cross, you are there on the front post waiting for it,
watching with a flutter in your heart (no, really, it’s called arrhythmia, ask the doctor). You’re
facing a keeper that you have already hit a few times from different distances tonight, next
to him a defender that you managed to evade (actually just a ball watcher). You feel the ball
connect with your head but you don’t want to overhit it in the excitement of the moment. It
just needs a skilful, gentle but firm treatment (don’t get a hard on just yet…) and you give it
just that. The keeper can only watch it go past him, the net gets that much desired wobble
and your team is home. First win in many, many games is secured and you can run behind
the goals, arms up in the air and feeling on top of the world. Your name is Jorge and you
have just scored your team’s fifth and final goal for the night. Just imagine. Poetry, pure and
simple.
Glad we got that one off the chest hey Jorge? Now to the rest of the game report …

A few weeks ago we kicked this fixture down the road thanks to a few happy ducks swimming
in a massive puddle at the top of the box at Manning’s home ground one Sunday. Ever
the gents, Manning had proposed to ‘call it a draw’, register a 2-2 score and not play at all
but with Greens starved of any singing of the team song after a win, it was time to get some
Thursday night football going at Len Shearer. Thankfully, with a roster below the permitted
line, we welcomed a bunch of players from other MUMFC teams to help us out. And they did
so, with aplomb.
From the start, most of the game was played in Manning’s half as early chances went begging.
After about 20 minutes and against the run of play, one of their most able attackers got
a turn on our defence and finished with a close up shot past Tomaz for a surprising 1-0. Not
long after, Hector tried to score a header in the box but felt charitable of something and
managed to head the ball to Muz who won the battle with their good but equally vertically
challenged keeper and finished a header to equalise. We pushed some more but other than
constant offsides and a couple of corners off good saves with not much else to show for.
Their trigger happy linesman was doing what their backline couldn’t but even his blatant flag
overuse couldn’t prevent Leo finishing for a contested but soon confirmed 2-1. Soon after,
Tomaz toed a dangerous ball into the post but could not prevent an unlucky own-goal rebound
from a header six yards out for 2-2 minutes later. And just when we thought the first
half couldn’t possibly serve more goals, in comes Leo to first warm up the keeper’s palms,
then coolly bury his second for 3-2.
At half time, we got even more and fresher legs as Nando joined Mark, Brian K, Leo, Dave
Long and Tither fighting for the Green cause. From then on, we knew we had this game by
the throat. Apart from a few cool headed clearances, Tomaz could just about put up a chair
in our goals but the labours up front went largely unrewarded. That is until Tither spanked
an absolute beauty from outside the box, leaving the keeper helpless from the moment
leather hit leather. 4-2 up, backline working in unison in second half and even Frankie joining
us after a few weeks layoff, replacing tonight’s colossus (in many meanings of the word, never
mind the ‘short’ jokes…) Muz up front. As Muz returned after a breather, the game was
finally put to bed with the sublime effort described at the start of this game report and we
could finally belt out our song. Forgotten how it goes but nothing a laminated sheet can’t fix.
A sincere ‘thank you’ again to our brothers from As and Reds. With Renzo and Ali overseas
and a bunch of Greens making the government think of opening a Green Injury Ward at Fiona
Stanley, we could not have put a team on the park tonight, let alone win the game. As the
line in the Greens song says ‘tomorrow we’ll be sore’ but we better recover soon to face the
league winners on Sunday. Go Greens!
Well we promptly, and finally, delivered three points as good as Brad again delivering the
post-game pizzas and Tomaz promising to mention Jorge’s goal this time. We got a few curious
but good-humoured looks by the gents from different teams who helped us out on the
night when singing our song. Then again— it’s been awhile but it did feel good. As we woke
up after a fun late Thursday night at Len Shearer (a few Manning blokes were the last to stop
filling Westy’s coffers at the bar), we saw that we were only a point behind the Reds.
We had three games to go but especially our next one on Sunday was a mountain to climb.
Could we …?

One things Greens did not miss for the large part this season were the last minute ‘”sorry
lads, can’t play” notices, inevitably followed by a mad last minute scramble for players and
hope they turn up. Again, we scratched for bare 11.
Another thing not missed was the pluck to go ’stuff’em’ to any opposition and dish up surprises
when least expected. This Green spirit flickered up again by breaking the drought
against Manning and Brad Hames’ suggestion we should give UWA who have just sealed the
league win a guard of honour before our game on Sunday. Like to some sort of royalty
which the news was full of to kneel and defer to …
And we all know what happens to royals, eventually.
Sunday, 18 September, UWA Sports Park
UWA v MUMFC Green 2 — 3 (Round 21)
Rope a dope - a boxing fighting technique in which one contender draws non-injuring offensive
punches to let the opponent tire themselves out. This gives the former the opportunity to then execute
devastating offensive maneuvers to help them win.
Well the Greens version of it started even before kick off by forming a guard of honour for
the team that has won it with two rounds to go. Applause, cheers and lots of nodding heads
of approval played right into the UWA’s sense of ‘we just need to turn up and the rest will
sort itself out’. And you couldn’t blame them for it either. 16 nicely warmed up and freshly
minted league winners on their home ground against a motley crew in the seventh spot they
had handsomely beaten twice this year, waiting for their sole sub to swap their aviator
shades for some football kit seconds before kick off. Easy right?
Right from the start, this was the old Greens. Ball on the deck, moving it well and composed
at the back. No rushing, just settling into the game and you couldn’t tell who’s the league
winner here. UWA did threaten a couple of times and they actually scored first with a classy
drive into the top corner. This gave them wings to threaten some more but the backline of
Ely (probably still has their fancy footed right winger in his pocket somewhere), Brad, Badger
and Steve with Chopper playing a smart six held up well. Injection of Rooney after Liam’s
handy 15 minute cameo breathed a bit more fire and resolve into our midfield. That stoked
the budding forward romance between Jorge and Muz and produced a top corner equaliser
by the latter. UWA started to dominate possession and threatened some more, especially
from corners, but Tomaz and fellow tall timber stood firm to frustrate the hosts.
1-1 at half time and with no subs really, we recognised this was always going to be a test of
our legs. We didn’t panic but didn’t hold back either, threatening regularly from a couple of
lovely turns by Javier and Jorge and even defenders who occasionally traveled north. UWA
must have been watching a lot of AFL lately because they scored a corner off the second
post with an AFL-style stepladder mark that cleaned up Javier in the process. In a previous
few games, an event like this would wobble Greens. Not today! Soon Badger curled a free
kick into the box, Jorge flicked it on to Rooney who poked a well deserved equaliser (and his
first score this season) on the second post.

2-2 and we were not done - but neither were UWA. Niceties went out the door well and truly
and both teams pushed hard for three points. Fortunately, our defenders won many of the
footraces and Tomaz pulled off a couple of age-inappropriate saves to stave off their dangerous
counter attacks. We had our chances too but Hector was apparently too busy giving
instructions to lunge for the ball on the plate in front of an empty goal. Should have gone to
Steve’s School of Scoring (own goals…) to see how it’s done really. In the end, it took Ely from
our left back to get in the box and take advantage of a scramble and ‘execute a devastating
offensive maneuver’ to put us up 3-2 with less than ten to go and start defending with everything
we got. A bunch of goalkicks, corners and a wicked spinning googly ball handled by
Tomaz in the dying seconds was all the league winners could muster as the Green Machine
handed them only their second loss of the season and the highest number of goals conceded
in a game.
This punching underdog story was really one for the ages and while all Greens fought like
hell, we could not have written it without the heroic help of Javier, Badger, Rooney and
Chopper. Massive thank you gents, we know you enjoyed it too. Or as Muz aptly said at the
end …”they should have given us a guard of honour after this one”.
Well that was a shot in the arm without the negative side effects! As stated in the report, it
felt like the ’old’ Greens and not necessarily for the result but for the way we really worked
together, backs to the wall and giving it to the big boys. The post-game beers were a sweet
but tired affair with lots of next day’s soreness we had just, finally, sang about. Speaking of
soreness, Hector saw it fit to argue the GR writer about the description of his (unlucky) miss.
Fortunately he soon realised the futility of arguing with the interpretive power of the guy
with the keyboard.
As Reds also won their game but against the bottom placed Belmont, we wondered if this
was the MUMFC late season revival? With our UWA scalp against all odds we kept the one
point buffer behind Reds heading into the final two rounds. After beating the champions, all
games suddenly seemed winnable but of course ‘we’ (aka Jorge) would need to do some fine
work behind the scenes work to get a team together to play the last of the postponed games
against last year’s winners. Dallies are always a tough side but we had beaten them earlier
this year on their turf in the 6—4 epic back in May.
With Ely still chasing player votes from Sunday in fear of disappointing his soon-returning
boss Renzo, the WhatsApp ‘in/out’ rounds, health checks and leg trading began and we took
a surprisingly large and fine squad down south to Spearwood on a mid-week night.
Wednesday, 21 September, Dalmatinac Park
Spearwood Dalmatinac v MUMFC Green 3 — 0 (Postponed Round 16)
Fresh from causing the upset of the season on Sunday, there was a glint in the Green eyes
before facing an old foe in a catch up fixture on the lovely deck at Dalmatinac Park. Our season
has been one of waves and we wondered if we could extend the one game winning
streak to two right at the season’s end. Jorge again assembled a fine squad with help from
across MUMFC, this time with more than a linesman of fat in it too. The scene was set …

Right from the kick off, Dallies played their brand of pretty smart football. Good control and
always threatening with a quality through ball or boxing the opposition in their back third.
We stood firm and organised but around the 20th minute, their star centre forward niftily
threw his bulk around, turned our defence and finished well with a one-on-one with Tomaz
for 1-0.
Right on cue, this and introduction of Brian K sobered us up and instead of panickily banging
them long we started to play some ball through the middle. A few of our headers went sailing
over the top but we made our presence felt. Rotations and changes, something Greens
aren’t really used to this season, were at times making things and positions a bit unclear but
nothing was unclear about Ely’s intention to finish a great through ball by Muz. Only the
keeper’s kamikaze dive and eventual painful clattering of our Venezuelan enforcer stopped
the score to move in our direction. Unlike last Sunday, we remained largely tongue-tied and
our talk was reduced to the occasional reaction rather than the more helpful anticipation.
Even though we largely forgot how to play sideways and back instead of rushing ahead and
wasting possession, we were only one down at half time. Still anyone’s game.
“Ball on the deck, pass then offer and don’t panic” was the mantra we started the second
half with. We largely held this and the arm wrestle continued. Their aforementioned star was
a constant threat up front, a couple of good challenges by Brad and Steve kept him at bay,
but about 15 minutes into the second half he produced one of his trademark runs in the box
and supplied a pearler across the box for one of his teammates to put away for 2-0. Frankie
was starting to warm up at the front and threatening the residents behind the southern goal
with a drive or two. A dead ball kick and a great box run by Jorge were cleared off the line by
their last man and Dallies could count their lucky stars we didn’t nudge closer. At the other
end, Tomaz cleaned up a couple of messy balls on deck and in the air but there was still fire
in Green belly. Just ask their striker who nearly copped the wrath of Ely after a tangle in the
midfield. However, the guy did have the last laugh after a classy finish of another tete-a-tete
with Tomaz who had stopped his previous such attempt but couldn’t repeat the effort. 3-0
down and with heavens opening with 15 minutes to go we pushed gallantly but apart from a
couple of half-chances did not really threaten to spoil Dallies night. Big thanks again to
“Justin Randall” (sounds more like Badger’s alter ego rather than his actual name…), Brian,
Mark, Rooney and Ross for helping us out, always appreciated.
A thumping Wednesday landing after a mild euphoria on Sunday almost perfectly captured
the sense of the season we have had and which, finally, finishes with our last game this Sunday
against Curtin. Is there another, last twist to our 2022 story? Go Greens!
Yep, it was nice to have our heads in the clouds for a couple of days … Yet, we still played a
solid game against an opponent that knows how to play and despite the score there were
still positives and lessons to take from this mid-weeker.
By now, the word ’unlucky’ was as much as a description as it was an inside joke in the Green
camp. For the final game of the season, we needed both skill and luck.

The frantic final week of football was set up for a fine Sunday finale. Reds were one point
ahead of Greens and facing second placed Leeming, Greens facing the fourth placed Curtin,
with both teams bolstered by a few As to improve their chances. To remind you, last year
Reds jumped Greens on the table on the very last day by a single goal on goal difference.
Jorge added to the usual rounds of 'who's in' for the game with proof that he and Marianna
are going to the wind up in early November and encouraged us all to book our spots. At the
same time, Danny and Brad informed us no bulk discounts were offered as tickets stood at
$70 for a single, $140 for bringing your wife and $210 for bringing your wife and your girlfriend.
Good value entertainment, especially that last one.
A sun-tanned Renzo was back playing for Greens and his ever helpful deputy vote-chaser Ely
made sure he can still navigate the streets of Perth as ably as he got around the sunny Barcelona
a week before. Speaking of chasing, Muz was after some outstanding ref money. We
will never know if he really thinks of misspeling Danny as frequently as his predictive text
would suggest or if something else caused the fingerslip.
After seeing the playing list, Tomaz, away but ably deputised between the sticks by Liam,
went out on a limb and on Saturday called a win for Greens on Sunday. From his fingers to
God's ears ... Or better - someone called Frankie and his boots.
Sunday, 25 September, Edinburgh Oval
Curtin University v MUMFC Green 2 — 5 (Round 22)
Greens turned up for their last game with a full complement of players. That made a big
change from the last few weeks as we had not often had 15 players this year. Curtin were
sitting in fourth place with a chance to go third with what they probably thought would be an
easy win. Enter Greens who love spoiling premature end of season parties. We dominated
from the start and it wasn't long before a Frankie thunderbolt broke the scoring. Oh, how we
missed him whilst he was injured! 1-0 Greens.
1-0 shortly became 2-0 with Frankie again on the score sheet. 2-0 became 3-0 and then 4-0
with Frankie giving a master class of finishing. Liam in goal had pretty much hardly anything
to do in the first half as our defensive pairing of Chris and Longy nullified the Curtin attack. It
could quite easily have been 8-0 at half time.
It was quite strange seeing everyone with a smile on their face at half time. The team talk
from Hector was pretty much "more of the same in the second half" and it wasn't long into
the second half that Frankie scored his fifth for the game. That was pretty much game over
and curtains for Curtin, cheap pun intended. Apart from us feeling sorry for the opposition
in the last ten minutes and gifting them a couple of goals at the end, it was pretty much a
complete and dominant performance to end a successful season for the Green Machine. To
make things even better, Reds lost to Leeming which meant Greens finish above Reds for
the first time in a long time.
Big thanks to Longy, Troy and Ken who came along to help us out today. See you all at the
wind-up.

As expected, our WhatsApp group exploded after the game. There was absolute awe, rightly
so, for Frankie's monumental five goal effort that would have to be some sort of record well
beyond Greens or even our club. Even the man of the moment himself broke his usual
WhatsApp quiet with a sincere, heartfelt thanks to Jorge who supported him in many ways
throughout the season. Whenever he could play, this quiet, gentle, affable and modest gent
from Ghana was a tower of strength for us this season, literally and metaphorically. He
pounded that ball so hard we thought at times he was going to break the net but the only
things that broke, memorably so, were the hearts of our As in the Cup tie and a few teams in
our league.
Not surprisingly, Frankie ended up as Greens' Golden Boot for the season with 13 goals.
Amazing effort given he only opened his scoring account in Round 8 with a hat trick against
Belmont that included the overhead contender for goal of the year. This was just after the
then runaway Golden Boot contender Daniel twisted his knee in scoring his first for that
game and what it sadly turned out to be his last for the season. It felt like a scoring baton
had been passed then and it was great to see Daniel, who we had rarely seen and heard
from lately, congratulating Frankie for his efforts at the end of the season. The two weapons
Greens will look forward to keeping in years to come, we hope.
There was also some genuine thanks for the efforts of particularly Jorge, Hector, Muz and
Michael who had kept this Green circus somewhat organised on and off the pitch. If you
have read this publication so far, you may have glimpsed only a small amount of 'who's ...'
and other organising posts that went flying on WhatsApp throughout the season. All this had
to be not just written and read but managed, organised, taken into account, communicated
and more. And if you have ever organised a bunch of blokes that often prefer to assume
than communicate you know what that looks, sounds and feels like.
Hector was happy after the season ender and rounded things nicely in his post. We learnt
that he will be 'doing a Hector' next year. For those not familiar with Green-speak - it means
he will not do anything but still take the credit for the good stuff that happens next year.
Jokes aside, for all his half time, full time and any time complaints we eventually grew accustomed
to (read ignored) through the season, Hector did a great job in first putting his hand
up to be a 'player-manager' (a poisoned chalice in Masters football that one), then being a
consistent, single voice rather than twenty voices over each other throughout the season. A
job well done and a result to be proud of in the end too, worthy of celebrating with a bit of
salsa. Sadly Ely couldn't make it there because of ... injury. How indicative of our season (or
maybe our age and condition?). Speaking of celebration, we hear that Agent Jorge 'Mendes'
is already getting offers for Hector and makes us wonder what that cryptic 'year overseas'
might mean.
The sweetener of the last round win was of course the fact that this year we pipped Reds on
the ladder by a couple of points. This happened for the first time in many years (apparently,
as not many of us have been around that long for this old intraclub colour rivalry). Never
mind the fact that a couple of times we probably would not field the team if it weren't for the
help of Reds' gents like Mark Hannaway (an original Green from the first list of the year
whom Reds quietly kept to themselves once they saw him play), Javier Borda (a South American
equally adored and teased by the large South American contingent in Greens), Stephen
Rooney (an unsung hero of the Cup win over As and a force of nature in any games),

Paul Walker (an honourary Green really) and several others (Denis Hajder, Ross Grynychyn,
Brad Hames, Leo Murray, David Murray, Andrew Denny, Justin 'Badger' Randall, Rob Waters)
who helped us out with a game here and there. We did of course return the favour and quite
a few Greens did a double shift for Reds when called upon. Overall though - apart from a
happy winners' grin that we for once overtook Reds on the ladder as the 'big
boned' (keeping it PC here) lady sang, a heartfelt thanks to our Red brothers for two good
derbies, lots of friendly jabs, banter and support for each other throughout the season.
With our last game played, the sales of tiger balm, heat packs and Voltaren suddenly
dropped across Perth. The busy Greens WhatsApp suddenly went quiet and it was time to
round our long and topsy turvy season before the club wind up in November.
Sure, the table shows position, wins, losses and points and goal difference. One spot up and
above Reds with an extra win but a dismal goal difference compared to last year. Add to that
a giant-beating Cup run to the quarter finals (best across MUMFC Masters this year) and we
have a great result after a long season full of injuries and COVID to boot. Back in November
last year with beers in our heads, we were plotting to go higher but given this year’s circumstances
it is something to be proud of. But this is just the visible stuff …
Sport makes little sense if it is not competitive and if you don’t chase the visible results of it.
But when you play, there is so much invisible yet important stuff that often trumps the
scoreboard. This is especially true at our Masters level (such a flattering moniker for ‘way
past your prime’). Being a part of a team with people relying on each other, sacrificing the
odd personal preference for the requirements of a team, looking out for each other, constantly
teasing each other as an act of camaraderie and friendship, complaining about yet
quietly marvelling what our often sore bodies can still do, sharing the laughs and the odd
outrage, forgetting what troubles us outside those couple of hours of football, hell, even the
embarrassing but strangely satisfying attempts at singing the team song and more - those
things never will nor should be shown on any scoreboard. And I can’t see many of us playing
this sport because we primarily want to ‘win the league’ (would be nice though, don’t get me
wrong …).
Here at MUMFC Masters we have a terrific, inclusive setup that Brad Hames recently
summed up so well with “yes, we may not have actually won any leagues again, but we outnumbered
every other Masters club in Perth we definitely outcatered. I am just as proud of
us for that. We are good hosts.” We play (for) the invisible stuff that makes the visible possible.
We play it right.
As Greens, we lost a couple of lads along the way this season due to an old affliction of not
speaking up but we also welcomed a few new names with open arms and in the ‘Green
spirit’ of fine balance between competitiveness and piss-taking perspective. On the pitch, we
lost to the worst and beat the best but we never, ever gave up.
What a ride! What an honour.
Go Greens

Come along for a rollercoaster ride of a season with a motley
crew of men from many walks of life playing the world game for
a suburban football club.
Laugh, cry or perhaps marvel at the inner workings of the thing
that keeps them out of the house for many hours and glimpse
the messy, uncomplicated beauty that is blokes playing sport.
"What a load of bollocks! And all of it true."
Fellow Perth Metro Masters 45+ player
"That’s a Red! Oops … wrong colour"
V.A., Referee
"So THIS is what he does on Sundays... ”
Wife
"They may not have won much but these guys kept my bar going all year round."
David ‘Westy’ Westwood
“This will either get you to sign up for Masters football or make you quit it.”
Football West representative
"It’s their horrible singing after the game that made us want to beat them next time."
Opponent, Masters Metro South 45+ B Division
"I pray that Optus did not disclose my address to Ely."
Concerned citizen
“A Netflix series in the making. Hector is outstanding when there and not there.”
Steven Spellberg