Siouxland Magazine - Volume 4 Issue 6

Common reactions include:
Denial: It is difficult for parents to
understand why their child selfinjures
and as a result parents tend
to deny that it happens.
Anger: Adolescents struggle with
being open about self-injuring and
as a result, the parent can become
angry with their child.
Bewilderment/guilt: Parents often
blame themselves for not noticing
the self-injury behavior earlier and
feel like they may have caused it.
Overwhelmed: Parents have to
manage many different things
for their household and children.
Finding out about self-injury can be
one more thing to be added to the
already overwhelmed parent.
Anxiety/fear: Parents are often afraid
to leave their child alone for fear that
they may self-injure and their safety.
Minimization: Some parents think
that self-injury is a phase that will
pass and dismiss it. They may put
their adolescent at risk for safety
without addressing the underlying
causes and mental health concerns.
Relief: Some parents feel a relief
as they were already suspecting or
fearing that their adolescent is selfinjuring.
How to talk to your adolescent
who self-injures?
Don’t be judgmental: approach the
discussion with an open mind. Your
adolescent is likely dealing with
guilt and shame around self-injury.
Providing a safe supportive space
sends the message that it is ok to
talk about self-injury so that your
adolescent feels heard and seen, not
judged.
Do focus on the behavior of selfinjury,
not the identity of self-injury:
Self injury is a behavior used to
cope with stressors. It is not the
adolescent’s identity. You may have
heard others refer to the adolescent
who self-injures as a “cutter”. The term
is inappropriate as it renders the selfinjury
behavior as a character defect
and further increases the shame
and the guilt and decreases the
chances of being able to apply an
intervention. Self-injury is a behavior
that can be changed with learning
different skills.
Don’t overreact, stay calm and
collected as your adolescent
talks to you about their self-injury
behavior. Communicate that you
are not concerned about them but
that you are there for them and
are there to help them get through
it. Adolescents are often scared
themselves from the emotions that
come up and cope with them by selfinjuring.
Do use code words: Sometimes,
it can be hard for an adolescent to
verbalize that they have thoughts
about self-injury. Finding some
code words that they communicate
to the parent to let them know that
they need support is crucial and
focuses on changing the behavior
without overwhelming the parent or
adolescent.
Don’t think of self-injury as a way to
get attention: You probably often
heard others say that the adolescent
is self-injuring as they are “just
attention seeking”. That may seem
like that on the outside. However,
looking into it deeper, the adolescent
is dealing with difficult emotions and
feeling disconnected and looking
for a way to cope. This is not to justify
self-injury but to help you have more
compassion and empathy towards
your adolescent. They are trying to
cope the best way they can and selfregulate,
though it may not be the
healthiest way. That is why they need
your help and support.
Do use a functional model to
understand self-injury: Spend time
with your adolescent to understand
the triggers and warning signs of the
self-injury behavior. This would help
the adolescent find healthier ways of
coping with emotions, triggers, and
emotionally self-regulate.
What organizations and resources
are available for support of
individuals who self-injure?
There are no general peer-support
groups (such as AA) to support
people who self-injure. However,
there are some therapy practices
that are evidence-based and
help people cope with self-injury
behavior.
Dialectical behavioral therapy
(DBT) is an evidence-based
therapy that can help individuals
with impulses to self-injure. Find
a therapist who is trained in
dialectical behavioral therapy for
your adolescent to see.
You can submit your questions
f o r “A s k t h e D o c t o r ” t o
drnesrinabuata@gmail.com.
Please put “Ask the Doctor” in the
subject line.
Dr. Abu Ata is a board-certified
psychiatrist and family medicine
physician in private practice, providing
holistic care for the mind, body, and
spirit in the context of personal growth
and relationships. Offers a mindfully
cultivated practice of presence and
expertise. Her healing practice draws
on her mindfulness, yoga, family
medicine, and integrative psychiatry
training to weave a unique tapestry
supporting your YOU-nique journey.
Connect at www.nesrinabuatamd.
com or drnesrinabuata@gmail.com.
SAFE alternatives runs support
groups their group and can be
found at:
Http://www.selfinjury.com/
treatments/focus
International Society for the
Study of Self-injury
Http://www.itriples.org
Cornell research program on
self-injury and recovery
Http://www.selfinjury.Doctor.
Cornell.edu/
References:
Self-injury: Alexian Brothers.
Center for Self-injury Recovery.
Siouxland Magazine | BeComing / 19