The Places I've Cried in Public by Holly Bourne

“Have you ever noticed how long people take at cash machines?” he
asked, to no laughter at all.
I involuntarily screwed up my face. “I’m a bit nervous,” I told Alistair.
Understatement of the entire kingdom. A musi-tech student handed me my
guitar and I swung it on, feeling slightly more confident – it acted as a wall
between me and the world.
Alistair smiled kindly. “I have to say, I was surprised when I saw your
name on the sign-up sheet. You barely speak in form time.”
“Everyone’s surprised when they find out I sing,” I admitted. “I don’t
know why I do it to myself.”
An awkward ripple of polite laughter ran through the crowd.
“Uh-oh, someone’s flatlining out there,” Alistair said, before noticing
the stress on my face. “Don’t worry! From what I’ve heard, you’re going to
smash it. Mrs Clarke says you’re very talented.”
I tried to let the compliment dissolve in to give me strength, but it didn’t
work. All the vodka was making me whirry, and the lack of a message from
Alfie was making me anxious, and the sound of the comedian dying was
making me sick, and… Why the hell do I do this to myself? Before every
single gig, I ask myself that question. Much too quickly, there was
lacklustre applause and the comedian climbed down the steps leading off
the stage.
“You’re on.” Alistair gave me a double thumbs up as all the usual horrid
thoughts rushed in. You’re going to be rubbish. You’re going to humiliate
yourself. Everyone’s going to hate it. Why didn’t you go to the toilet
beforehand? What if you’re sick?
I still found myself climbing the steps, wobbling in my cowboy boots,
and pulling my cardigan further over my dress. I sat down on my stool and
was so terrified it took me for ever to hook up my guitar.
“Wooo, go, Amelie!” Hannah called out to punctuate the terrible
silence, and that tiny act of friendship was enough to get me together.
“Thanks for that,” I murmured into the microphone to titters of laughter.
The crowd relaxed, helping me relax enough to get my tech sorted. Then,