Madison123

Having a child grow
and change so rapidly
creates a sense of nostalgia
(and sometimes panic)
in me like few things do
and I often find myself
reflecting back on my own
childhood as a measure of
comparison. There are
particular memories that
stick out in my mind–
like sitting at the kitchen
table with my grandmother
playing endless hands of
double solitaire and learning
how to fry chicken in her
cast iron skillet–that I hold
near and dear to my heart.
Then I think about the life
that my husband and I have
created for our son and
wonder, of all the memories
(good and bad) that he’s
sure to have, what will he
actually hold onto?
I have to remind myself, on a near-constant basis, that I am actually contributing
to a narrative that my son could possibly play in his mind for the rest of
his life. And that one day, he’ll be creating and instilling memories and moments
and traditions, God-willing, into his own children based on that narrative.
No one has to be reminded that life is short. I already feel the personal
pressure of not “maximizing” my time here on earth as I have tendencies of
taking the same paths over and over again and have made, admittedly, little effort
to change it. I get into these epic ruts where days or even months may pass and
then I look up and it’s Christmas again! I start to calculate how many Christmases
I have left–and I again worry that I’ve wasted precious time. Why do we do this
to ourselves? Or maybe it’s just me.
I really do have good intentions, though, and know I need to do better.
So, in the spirit of spring renewal, I am becoming more intentional about
making the most of every minute and creating the kind of legacy that will
endure long after I’m gone. I’m gonna live like I’m dying, as Tim McGraw
would say! (A quick side note, I’m not dying. I’m just middle-aged, hormonal,
and waxing philosophical.) Hopefully it will serve as an important way to stay
focused on what matters most.
As parents, we tend to stress about things that don’t matter all that much,
don’t we? Our kids probably aren’t going to remember every detail of our home
decor or how perfectly the beds were made. They likely won’t remember that
time the laundry was all piled up on the laundry room floor or whether our
refrigerator was stocked with name brands or generics. And if that’s the case,
and I hope it is, then what will they remember?
Well, I think they’ll remember traditions . . .
Despite my own parents divorcing when I was four and living full-time with
my mom, there are some really specific things that I remember about my dad’s
parents. I remember that they were tall. My dad is 6’6” and his dad was 6’5”.
And I know that they loved to play golf and his mother made “trash” every year
at Christmas. So several years ago, I decided to start making trash during the
holidays, too. I went out and bought a huge glass canister with a lid that would
hold up to two gallons of the savory homemade snack mix and, despite having
no idea if the recipe was even remotely similar to that which I’d had so many
years before, it turned out deliciously and my son now totally identifies it with
Christmas–just like I did all those years ago.
Kids have deep need for predictability. They’ll remember, with great fondness,
the traditions you establish—whether it’s a weekly game night, places you
regularly travel for family getaways, or, in our case, Sunday dinners around
the table, a custom started by my own maternal grandmother. Be deliberate
about creating some traditions that they’ll want to pass on to their own
children someday.