19_Conversations_Closer

19
CONVERSATIONS
CLOSER

S I L L Y T H I N G S
Conversation #1
If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who
would you invite? Why would you choose them?
If you could be famous for anything, what would you
choose? Why did you choose that?
If you could control your dreams, what would be your
ultimate dream?
If you had only one day with infinite money what would
you spend it on? Why would you choose to spend it
that way?
If you could be invisible for a day what would you do?
Why would you do that?
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

P E R F E C T D A Y
Conversation #2
What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
Who would you see, where would you go, what would
you do?
Why would those things be meaningful to you?
What would you expect to feel on your perfect day if
you interact with those people, in those places, and
doing those things? (Slow down and really describe
each one of these)
How can we create a “mini-perfect day?”
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?
L I F E S T O R Y
Conversation #3
Take 15 minutes and tell your partner your life story in
as much detail as possible.
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

P U R P O S E A N D F U L F I L L M E N T
Conversation #4
What did you dream of doing or becoming as a child?
In what ways have you fulfilled your purpose in life
thus far?
How do you see me fulfilling a life of purpose? What do
you see as some of my life’s purpose that maybe I
cannot see in myself?
What has been your hardest, or one of the hardest
trials, of your life and what did that trial teach you?
Are there trials or difficulties you are, in some way,
grateful for?
What trial have you seen me pass through and what
did you learn about me as you watched me in the midst
of my hard time?
What are the possible lessons that might be embedded
in our current struggles right now? How will these
moments change us and shape us for the better? What
purpose might they hold?
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

P A R E N T S
Conversation #5
When you were growing up, who did you turn to for
comfort and why?
What happened when you sought that comfort?
How did your relationship with your mom and dad differ?
Are there ways in which you tried to be like either of your
parents? And why?
In what ways do you want to be like your parents and in
what ways do you want to do things differently?
Were there people outside of your home that were
supportive of you and your family growing up? How did
those connections benefit you?
Do you feel like you ever had needs that went unmet as a
child? Maybe you felt rejected, betrayed, or hurt by your
parents? How did this affect you? Are those feelings still
alive in you today?
When you feel those old familiar and scary feelings come
alive in you today how can I best help you to feel safe and
cared for?
As you talk about these things how have you felt? What
emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

C H I L D H O O D
Conversation #6
What were you like as a child?
If you could go back and speak to your childhood self,
comfort them, or give them reassurance, what point in
your history would you visit? A specific memory maybe?
If I could go back and speak to my childhood self what
would I say and do for them?
If I could go back and speak to YOUR childhood self this is
what I would want to say to them or what I would want to
do for them…
Are there negative or positive beliefs you still hold about
yourself from childhood?
As you talk about these things how have you felt? What
emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

C H O O S I N G U S
Conversation #7
Out of all the people in the world, why did you choose me?
What did you see in me?
How did what you saw in me and how you experienced me
make you feel? (safe, loved, excited…)
How did you know I was the right one for you?
Why do you still choose me? How do I make you feel
today?
When do you feel most chosen by me?
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

S P I R I T U A L I T Y
Conversation #8
What / who do you consider to be your higher power?
Describe them/it to me.
Do you feel connected to your higher power? When do
you feel most connected?
How does your belief in your higher power affect the
way you see me?
How does your belief in your higher power affect the
way you see yourself?
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

B O D Y
Conversation #9
How do you feel about your body?
What experiences have you had in life that have
shaped the way you feel about your body?
What has been your relationship to your physical
appearance/body? How has this affected you?
Do you feel like I understand how you feel about your
body?
What is a part of your body that you do not like? What
is it like to feel this way?
What is a part of your body that you do like? What is it
like to feel this way?
When in our relationship do you feel most confident
and least confident about your body? How can I
support you in this?
As you talk about these things how have you felt? What
emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

D E A T H
Conversation #10
Do you ever wonder how you will die?
When you think about dying, how do you feel and what
are your thoughts about death?
What has been your experience around death to this
point in your life?
How do those experiences shape the way you see
death and dying?
If you could tune into my funeral what do you think
people would say about me?
What do you hope people would say about you?
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

E M O T I O N S
Conversation #11
Describe to me how you feel in each of these situations.
Name the emotion (sad, happy, afraid, confused, etc…)
Share where in your body you feel it and how (pressure in
my stomach, pulsing in my head, stretching in my chest,
etc.…)
Try and share something new with your partner. Maybe
you feel multiple feelings at once in each of these
situations. Try and share the nuanced feelings that they
may not know about.
When we don’t see eye to eye or when we fight I feel…
When I make mistakes I feel…
When I think about my parents I feel…
When we have sex I feel…
When I accomplish something that impacts us for the
better I feel…
When you notice my accomplishments I feel…
When I think about the hardest time of my life I feel…
When I think about God/spirituality recently I feel…
In recent weeks I generally feel…
As you talk about these things how have you felt? What
emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

E M O T I O N S & T H E 5 L O V E
L A N G U A G E S
Conversation #12
Describe to me how you feel in each of these situations.
Name the emotion (sad, happy, afraid, confused, etc…)
Share where in your body you feel it and how (pressure in
my stomach, pulsing in my head, stretching in my chest,
etc.…)
Try and share something new with your partner. Maybe
you feel multiple feelings at once in each of these
situations. Try and share the nuanced feelings that they
may not know about.
When you give me gifts I feel…
When you serve me I feel…
When you touch me or we are physically intimate I
feel…
When you compliment me I feel…
When we spend time doing something meaningful
together I feel…
As you talk about these things how have you felt? What
emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

U N D E R S T A N D I N G
Conversation #13
When do you feel most understood and seen by me?
Can you think of a time or situation?
When you feel understood and truly seen by me what is
that like?
In what area do you feel the most misunderstood in our
relationship?
Do you feel like other people truly understand and see
you? Why or why not?
What do you wish I understood more about you?
What do you wish others understood about you?
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

S E X
Conversation #14
What was your view of sex and intimacy growing up?
How does this impact how you see sex and intimacy now?
How do you feel when I initiate sex?
What is it like for you when you initiate sex?
Share with me your emotions at each stage of sex. (Desire,
Pursuit, Foreplay, intercorse, orgasim, Resolution or after)
These feelings might be mixed including excitement, love,
anxiety, and confusion.
When you feel most connected during sex what is
happening? What am I doing/saying? What are you
doing/saying?
Are there moments when you don’t feel connected or
safe? What is happening then?
As you talk about these things how have you felt? What
emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

T H I S I S U S
Conversation #15
If I lost my memory, what is the first thing you would tell
me about us? Why would you share that?
What shared meaning/purpose do we have between us?
Do you wish we had more shared meaning?
What are our relationship’s greatest strengths?
What are our relationship weaknesses/opportunities?
What do you need from me to help us realize these
opportunities and overcome these weaknesses?
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?
© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023

© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023
A T T A C H M E N T I N J U R I E S
Conversation #16
This may be the most difficult of all the conversations. Approach
this with gentleness, curiosity, and kindness.
The mindset for these questions is to hold the pain we have not
been able to hold in the past. Your goal as you ask your partner
these questions is to create a safe space for them to be seen and
heard by you.
The point is not to rehash hold things just for the sake of rehashing
them but to heal those things that are left undone.
*If you find it hard for the two of you to make it through this
conversation you may need a little extra help and that is okay and
normal. Feel free to reach out to Trevor at this email for additional
resources such as the Connection Course and couples coaching.
trevor@theartofhealingbytrevor.com
Has there ever been a moment when you felt particularly hurt by
something I said or did? What happened?
How did you feel? Explain the emotions and where you felt them in
your body.
What meaning did you make of the situation? Maybe it felt like it
meant something about you, me, or our relationship.
How can I offer comfort and love around this injury right now? If
you don’t know that is okay. I will be here for you.
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?

© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023
L I F E
Conversation #17
If you were to die tomorrow is there something you wish you would
have said to someone? Why have you not said this to them yet?
What is your life’s greatest accomplishment?
Why did you choose that as your greatest accomplishment?
Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could
share _____."
As you talk about these things how have you felt? What emotions
are you experiencing and why?

© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023
P E A C E
Conversation #18
When do you feel most in control and at peace? What is it
like? Why do you feel this way?
When do you feel most out of control and distressed?
What is it like? Why do you feel this way?
Where do you turn for peace?
Explain to me why you turn to those things.
Are there ways that you avoid your emotions that might
not be helpful for you? How can I support you in this?
How can I be part of you seeking peace?
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?

© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023
F U T U R E H O P E S
Conversation #19
What are your yet-to-be-fulfilled dreams?
What do you hope for, for you, me, and us?
Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long
time? Why haven't you done it?
What is something that you need more of in our
relationship?
What is something you would try if no one in the world
could judge you?
What does living a good life mean to you?
As you talk about these things how have you felt?
What emotions are you experiencing and why?

© The Art of Healing Company, LLC 2023
R E F L E C T I O N
Bonus Conversation
What was it like to explore these 19 conversations?
What have you felt?
What has been your biggest takeaway or what have you
learned about yourself and your partner?
When did we get stuck or what conversations were the most
difficult?
Which conversations were the most fulfilling and connecting?
After having these conversations what do you/we feel
motivated to do for us and our relationship?