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SGRV6.5: Switchgrass Review 2023 Volume 6 - Radical Body Love

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<strong>Switchgrass</strong> <strong>Review</strong> • Vol. 6 21<br />

Phyllis Rittner<br />

The Size of <strong>Love</strong><br />

They embraced in her foyer. Her throat ached with half-swallowed sentences.<br />

This scene, rehearsed, attempted and aborted for ten years, finally over.<br />

Alone, she stared at the key moist in her palm.<br />

She erased every digital trace, scrubbed and saged the apartment, fell<br />

asleep to the blue light of the tv. His side of the bed, still molded with his<br />

impression, she crowded with stuffed animals.<br />

She went vegan, then paleo, then skipped meals, binging and purging until<br />

the gym scale revealed his favorite number. She took up African dance,<br />

stomping floors in bare feet. Nights she filled spiral notebooks, dissecting<br />

every conversation, her pen slicing each page.<br />

Months dissolved into a year. Carrying a box of framed photographs to the<br />

basement, her eyes fell on his worn leather work gloves. Laced with cobwebs,<br />

they lay face up, like an offering and she flung the box down the stairs.<br />

She dog-eared recipe books, baked focaccia bread and cannelloni, traded<br />

her skinny jeans for a red silk dress. Illuminated by the glow of candles, she<br />

soaked in scented baths, exploring her new curves with manicured fingertips.<br />

One night she lingered in a pub to prove her body was real. That’s when he<br />

spotted her in the bar mirror and sparks trickled down her spine. But as he<br />

spoke, spouting a stranger’s desires, an emptiness spread like gravel through<br />

her belly. He was mid-sentence, studying his reflection, when she rose,<br />

weaved through the crowd, escaping into the leap of night.

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