A Gray Play Book by Alasdair Gray sampler

20
JONAH
In the belly of Hell I remember the Lord my God
and my prayer is heard in your holy temple!
Those who reject your word forsake their own mercy!
I will do what I have vowed with hymns of thanksgiving!
Salvation is of the Lord!
SOUND: rumble of thunder ending in musical chord.
THE VOICE OF GOD Do you hear me, Fish?
THE FISH [wearily] Aye aye Captain.
GOD Vomit him out upon the dry land.
SOUND: prolonged vomiting ending in a pop like cork leaving bottle.
4: COUNCIL CHAMBER
An opulent council chamber with backdrop of open curtains, between
which a balcony is visible with the tops of imperial buildings beyond
them. An entrance on one side has the SENTRY standing at ease
beside it. Centre stage, a table has two chairs behind it facing the
audience, and a chair at each end. The end chair near the entrance is
throne-like. Enter the GENERAL and CHANCELLOR.
GENERAL [grumbling] Well, here we are, first as usual. He
likes punctuality in others but doesn’t bother about it
himself. [sits in chair beside the throne.] Why ain’t the Police
Chief here?
CHANCELLOR [sitting beside him] On the way to the palace I
saw a crowd of oddly dressed people blocking the traffic
between Royal Crescent and the Imperial Parade. He may
be attending to it.
GENERAL An unauthorised public assembly, eh?
CHANCELLOR Looks like it.
GENERAL I know nothing about civilian business of course,
but I’ve noticed a lot of them recently.
CHANCELLOR You will always find cranks drawing crowds
around them in the slums. This is the first I’ve seen in a
fashionable quarter since the last victory parade. [sadly] I
had hoped that – just for once – we would have no
domestic crisis to discuss. Sentry! I assume his majesty is
still at breakfast?
SENTRY Yessir.
CHANCELLOR Do you know what he’s having?
SENTRY [after sniffing the air] Fried liver, sir.
CHANCELLOR O dear. Prepare for storms, dear General.
The King loves fried liver but it gives him indigestion. He
is sure to accuse someone of ingratitude.
The SENTRY stamps his feet, standing to attention as the KING
enters.
KING [pleasantly] Good morning gentlemen.
GENERAL and CHANCELLOR [simultaneously] Good morning
sire.
KING [settling into the throne] What is keeping our Chief
Constable?
GENERAL Can’t say sire.
CHANCELLOR There are rumours, your Majesty, of an
unauthorised public assembly.
KING This is not a public holiday!
CHANCELLOR True.
KING It must be a political demonstration!
CHANCELLOR Perhaps.
KING [explosively] What more does the public want? [he stands
and paces about] I squander wealth on the citizens of
Nineveh. The rich pay no taxes, the middle class has never
been taxed more lightly, the labourers and unemployed
are cheaply fed and entertained with bread and circuses
and our empire pays for it all! Yet complaints and petitions
and demonstrations are unending, I am sick of ingratitude!
The CHANCELLOR shrugs mournfully.
GENERAL The army’s behind you to a man, sir. I can swear
to that.
Enter the CHIEF CONSTABLE. The KING resumes his seat, watching.
grimly as CHIEF goes to other end of table, faces him, salutes, places
hands on tabletop and leans forward.
CHIEF Beg to report, sir, special measures must be taken
to deal with an unusual manifestation of –
KING Public discontent. I know. When did it start, how
did it start, who started it?
CHIEF Two days ago a stranger arrived with nothing special
about him except untidy hair, which is often the sign of
some sort of enthusiasm.
KING He should have been arrested on the spot.
CHIEF Tidiness is not yet enforceable by law, sire. He also
smelled strongly of fish.
KING Lord Chancellor, pass an Order-in-Council
commanding all foreign fishmongers to have their hair
cut or be registered as undesirable aliens.
CHANCELLOR I’ll make a note of it, sire.
KING [to Police Chief] And then?
CHIEF He started talking to people in streets in districts
where a lot of thriftless poor stand around. He was one of
them Jewish preachers who only believe in one God, so
was protected by Religious Toleration edict seven eight
two six five zero D.