A Gray Play Book by Alasdair Gray sampler

CHANCELLOR The empire wouldn’t last a month if we tried
forcing our faith on everyone.
GENERAL I worship Adad of course, but the army recruits
regiments from every religion.
KING Foreign preachers, however, must not force their
religion on us!
CHIEF What he said was so daft that at first policemen on
the beat thought him harmless – unpolitical they told me
this morning.
KING What did he say?
CHIEF “In six weeks Nineveh will be overthrown!”
KING, GENERAL, CHANCELLOR [simultaneously jumping up]
Unpolitical?
KING Overthrown by what? A Babylonian revolt?
CHANCELLOR A barbarian invasion?
GENERAL Don’t under-rate Persia.
CHIEF Had he mentioned other nations we’d have nabbed
him for treason, but he said our sins would overthrow us.
The CHANCELLOR smiles, the GENERAL laughs, both sit.
GENERAL Ha ha! Is that all?
KING Why is that causing traffic jams? [he too sits].
CHIEF He hinted at natural calamities – storms,
earthquakes, things insurance companies call “Acts of
God”. I only learned about it this morning when I found
half the people believe him and are starting to panic.
GENERAL The Jews occupy a couple of tiny colonies. Why
is a threat from their God frightening the world’s biggest
capital city?
CHANCELLOR Every religion has at least one supremely
menacing God. It isn’t idiotic to think Jehovah and Jupiter,
Thor and Baal, Merodach and Adad are different names
for the same big thunderer.
KING [striking the table] Chief Constable, have you jailed
this troublemaker?
CHIEF No sire.
KING But you have ordered his arrest?
CHIEF No sire.
KING Why not?
CHIEF [after a pause] I never give orders that will be
disobeyed.
KING Are you saying you cannot control your men?
CHIEF In this matter, sire, I have been overtaken by the
speed of events. Constables on the beat heard Jonah
preach when he seemed too daft to be arrested. He and
his followers still haven’t broken the law. They kneel
publicly in bigger and bigger numbers, weeping and
wailing and begging God to forgive them. Today they
came out wearing sack-cloth prayer shawls. I find most of
my constables are also wearing these. But they still patrol
the streets and would certainly arrest brawlers, vandals
and thieves, if criminal activity had not stopped along
with most other businesses.
GENERAL [standing up] Then it is time, your majesty, to call
out the army.
CHIEF [sitting down] If you can.
GENERAL Do you suggest, dammit, that my men are as
mutinous as yours?
CHIEF Can’t say. Ask the sentry.
The GENERAL approaches the sentry who still stands to attention.
The KING stands up to watch them.
GENERAL At ease, my man. Private Mulligan, are you?
SENTRY [saluting] Yessir. Thank you sir. [stands at ease].
GENERAL I never forget a name. [produces notebook, pen and
writes as he talks] You, Mulligan ... are in luck. You are
probably about to earn ... rapid promotion. You will take
... this note to the guardroom duty officer ... He will send
you out with a sergeant and squad of household guards ...
to arrest a fish-smelling rabble-rouser ... you will probably
find him speechifying [to the CHIEF] where?
CHIEF Try Central Park and Victory Square.
GENERAL [to SENTRY] You heard that? Now go. [tears off
note and holds it out].
SENTRY Sir! Sir ... I’m not fit for this job!
GENERAL [kindly] Hardly anyone on earth is fit for their
job, but you can’t go wrong Mulligan, if you do what you’re
told. Here is my note ... Do you refuse to take it?
SENTRY stands to attention, making inarticulate gargling noise.
GENERAL [fiercely] Would you rather tell the duty officer
that you are under arrest for disobeying a commanding
officer?
SENTRY [saluting smartly] Yessir!
GENERAL So you are ready to be flogged to death through
the ranks?
SENTRY [saluting] Yessir!
GENERAL [softly] Then go.
The SENTRY marches briskly out.
GENERAL [to the KING] One bad apple on top does not mean
a stack of them is rotten. I will investigate, sire, and report
back directly.
KING Do.
21
A PUPPET
PLAY