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I still have mornings that are a struggle for me. My life used to be
80% some level of depression and 20% freedom. But I’d say it’s
reversed now. That 20% is still there, but I have tools that help me
process those thoughts and emotions. And I think maybe God has
allowed that to remain so that I can be most effective as I empathize
with others.
As a Christian, and more specifically a pastor’s wife,
what has it been like facing this darkness spiritually?
That is a tough one. There was a lot of pressure there. In the
beginning, I was young and I didn’t know what I was doing. I was so
insecure. I was a Christian, but I was never really discipled. I didn’t feel
like I had someone to walk through Scripture with me. I didn’t develop
much spiritually in those early years. Looking back now, I realize
Jesus was with me in the darkness even when I didn’t know what
verse to quote or what to pray. He sustained me in those times.
With depression, there’s a disconnect between what you know to
be true and what you feel in your body. When that happens, it’s a
shaming feeling and the enemy uses that. I had many beautiful
people who loved me and showed up for me. Their sincere prayers
supported me and I will forever be grateful to them. They know
who they are (smile). But unfortunately, people can, and did, use
their words and even used scripture to shame me. Some just wanted
to step in and slap a Bible verse on me and stop my suffering and
tears. But they didn’t know me.
As the Body of Christ, we have the power to heal. That may look
differently than most people have come to expect. We cannot put
God in a box. The more we are able to really lean in and be with
people in their pain and hold sacred space for their story the more
healing we will witness.
When I read scripture now, I see that Jesus himself was a sufferer.
He felt the deepest most difficult emotions and there was no shame
in that. David praised God in the psalms but he was also brutally
honest about his suffering and his doubts. Yes, the scriptures say
‘Don’t be afraid.’ But God was talking to people who were afraid. He
wasn’t scolding them. There is a tenderness in His words. I interpret that
as ‘Don’t fear because I’ve got you. You are mine.’
A couple of my favorite verses are John 16:33 where Jesus says,
‘In this world you will have tribulations, but take heart, I have
overcome the world!’ And in 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 it says that it’s
no wonder we don’t give up. For even though our outer person
gradually wears out, our inner being is renewed every single day.
We view our slight, short-lived troubles in the light of eternity. We
see our difficulties as the substance that produces for us an eternal
glory far beyond all comparison. I don’t want people to feel shamed
by scriptures. I want them to be empowered by them! His Word is
not generic and void of emotions. I want them to know that Jesus is
near to the brokenhearted and He rescues those whose spirits are
crushed. He makes provision. He’s okay with you not being okay. He
can bring healing to your spirit, your soul, and your body and mind.
IN THIS WORLD
YOU WILL HAVE
TRIBULATIONS,
BUT TAKE HEART,
I HAVE OVERCOME
THE WORLD!
JOHN 16:33
Hometown RANKIN • 39