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Sophia frowns. “What’s a baby?” She looks around the great table. The
six empty chairs. She cannot understand what he could possibly mean.
“Nothing,” Adam says sharply. “A mistake.” He peers at her. “You’ve
talked to the thing in the garden, haven’t you? The snake. Cascavel.”
Sophia nods.
“I suppose you’re mad at me now.” Adam pouts into his plate. He is still
so beautiful to her. Despite everything she knows, she wants to forgive him.
Longs for it like food to nourish herself. They built her this way, that boy
and his Father, so that she wouldn’t bother him too much. And she is still
faulty. He is an empty hole hungry to swallow her up, no different than the
one in the cellar.
Sophia draws a long, ragged breath. She takes her husband’s cheeks in
her hands, then wraps his bulk in her slender arms. She buries her face in
him, breathes in his smell. Thinks of Mrs. Lyon and all her kittens. Of Mrs.
Fische’s silver hair. Of Mrs. Palfrey dancing on the stage. Of life, and long
grass, and the sun rising and falling on Arcadia.
“I love you,” she whispers. Her very cells rejoice and stretch toward
him. Yes, they sigh. This is right. We were made for him. Without him, we
are nothing. Let him save us. He will always save us. “I forgive you. It’s all
right. It’s all right. Just let me stay. I’ll be good. I’ll be happy.”
“I’d like to, Soph, I really would. But it’s better like this. A fresh start is
always best. Believe me, I know. I’m an experienced guy. You’d always
judge me for it. Make me suffer all those little teensy cuts only a wife
knows. It would never really be the same. This way, I get what I want and
you … darling, you get what you want! To never be apart from me. To be
with your friends forever. I’ll come and visit you, I promise. Every night.
She never has to know. The next one, whoever she’s going to be. No one
will ever know. This is the beginning of the universe and I make the rules. I
am the seed of all that comes after and I will never tell a soul you existed.
And next time will be perfect. She’ll be perfect. I know it. Because you
forgive me. They’ve never forgiven me before. But you do. That’s how
close we were. You said so and you can’t take it back. I am free. I can truly
start again.” His eyes shine up at her. “Say it again. So I can remember. Say
you forgive me.”
Sophia curls her nails into the back of his neck. She tries. She tries so
hard. The apples shimmer cruelly on the pie plate and she tries to force
herself to say what she wants to say.