sundance 2006 - Zoael

Indie Side Out
BY MICHAEL CAPORALE
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 7, 2005
Behind rows of pristine white linen
couches and stylish table lamps, in the
back row of the lavishly decorated
Ballroom C of the Universal Hilton sit
worried executives nervously awaiting
the unveiling of the HVX200,
Panasonic’s latest camera, to the
national press. As would be expected,
anticipation in the press is high. Will
the HVX live up to the many claims
made about it since its introduction at
NAB... a tapeless, multi-format HD
camera with variable frame rates and
cine-gamma for under $6,000, capable
of shooting digital feature films with an
uncompromised film look? The basis
for the executives’ concern, however,
is not the performance of this new
camera but that of their guest speaker.
You see, the camera performs flawlessly.
I can attest to that. I shot the
demo footage about to be shown on the
big screen. To confirm the camera’s
sharpness and resolution I had decided
to put it to the ultimate test, to shoot a
music video on greenscreen. Shortly,
that video, Boom, Baby, Boom by artist
John Brannen, will fill the giant screen
as it already has for other meetings. So,
yes I am quite confident.
BUT IT ALL BEGAN TWO DAYS AGO
WITH THE SALES MEETING...
As the music video rolled, I watched
carefully, examining the mattes to see
any evidence of green fringing, tearing,
or loss of image. None. In fact, individual
hairs blowing in the wind were
keyed perfectly at Harry Potter quality
from the HVX’s footage shot at 720/24p
DVCPRO HD. Had this been an HDV
camera, precise matte work such as this
would not have been possible, since the
MPEG-2 long GOP’s prediction frames
lack sufficient resolution on moving
objects, yet alone fine individual hairs
blowing in the wind. I can relax.
Several speeches followed delineating
marketing and pricing policies and
then the surprise guest speaker, Kevin
Smith (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing
Amy, Dogma), was introduced and
took the stage. A few awkward, academy-award-style
scripted jokes later
and suddenly Kevin was off-script.
Expletives that would have caused
a lump of pride in the throat of former
President Richard Nixon, now split the
room into stupefied silence punctuated
by howls of spit-stuttering, bellyaching
laughter as Mr. Smith explains
in horrifying detail how he expects the
HVX200 to improve his home
movies—porno movies that is.
Apparently he has trouble with his
current camera rendering the exact
color of his ample posterior correctly.
And while the HVX can certainly
address those technical issues for
him, he’d also be pleased to know
that he won’t experience a loss of
detail on fine hairs either, although I
doubt he uses a wind machine for
such productions.
Not since the Polaroid Swinger
swung its way onto the scene in 1966
has the notion that mere amateurs
could anonymously revel in activities
formerly reserved exclusively for the
elite become reality. Rob Lowe, Paris
Hilton, and Pamela Anderson will face
stiff competition in their private film
endeavors as eager flocks of unemployed,
would-be movie stars ratchet
up production values, shunning moral
values, to bask in their own glory,
tempting their otherwise passive,
naive girlfriend/boyfriend to take the
plunge with them or in a low-flying
solo act give new meaning to the
words “independent film.” Expanding
the job market and filling the loss in
camera assistants by creating more
opportunities for fluffers, these
unsung filmmakers will provide comfort
to Republicans everywhere.
Inexpressible joy will seize their calculating
GOP (it used to mean something
different) hearts as they spin
this into the first positive economic
news since Bill Clinton gave up cigar
smoking for other pleasures.
AGNOSTICISM
But pleasure does not come without
pain, as the politicos will have to reckon
with a camera that is “Format
Agnostic”...huh? Excluding the late
17th century where such an admission
would get you a public dunk in the
local river, tied to the long end of a
see-saw, such words have ne’er been
spoken until recently when format
agnosticism came full circle, vengefully
manifesting itself in catchy little
phrases that would spell the utter
destruction of a broad range of religious
celebrations... phrases like “season’s
greetings” and “happy holidays.”
Now, with P2 cards in use in the
HVX200, these very same words will
destroy single format cameras by
being simply “multi-format.” Yes, “format
agnostic” means that these virgin
filmmakers (I use the word lightly) can
co-produce in any or all formats of
standard or high definition, that is 480,
720, 1080, interlaced or progressively
at 24, 30 or 60 frames per second. And
if that isn’t enough to stimulate Viagra
sales, narcissists everywhere can
87
P2: The Great Equalizer
watch themselves in slow or fast
motion by taking advantage of the
many variable frame rates offered by
the HVX200.
But these benefits are not limited
to home movie upgrades. Other
embedded shooters will also benefit,
presumably without suffering a confusion
of values. Citizen surveillance
of police departments will improve
with high definition imaging. No
longer will we have to endure the
fuzzy, muddied images of nightstick
beatings and streetside stompings of
passive drunken minorities by platoons
of uniformed officers on the
evening news. The crisp high definition
images of the HVX200 will easily
surpass the vagaries and detached
ambivalence of network news production
while creating a more compelling
vision for reality TV.
And when our narcissists are
ready for the big time, anything is
possible because these cameras will
be at the front line of independent
feature film production.
In fact this has been the core of the
secret government’s secret plan for us.
As boring factory jobs are moved offshore
and fast food service jobs are
filled with our elderly, lawyers and
bankers will emerge as politicians in
the only occupations with job security
and benefits. The rest of us will
become filmmakers, who after making
obscene amounts of money can marry
some other guy’s wife (as in my case,
yours may vary with gender and sexual
preference) who also makes
obscene amounts of money starring in
our effects-laden epics.
As to Mr. Smith, well he’s about to
spill the beans to the press and once
they get it, (and they will, because
they won’t have to think about it) Indy
filmmaking will enter the 21st century.
DP Michael Caporale is the principal
of production company 24p Digital
Cinema, LLP (Cincinnati, OH)..
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