In Gear - Today's Trucking

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54 TODAY’S TRUCKING
By Peter Carter
You’re heard of Jeff Foxworthy, right? He’s the guy from
Georgia who invented “You might be a redneck if…”
I’m talking about ”you might be a redneck if you think
Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company” or “if you’ve ever cut
the grass and found a car.” Or, “if you own a home that’s mobile
and five cars that aren’t.”
And then there are knockoffs: Some
of the folks from my hometown seem
to think I’d enjoy “you might be from
Northern Ontario if…” amusing.
A few signs of having area-code-705
roots? “When you got a couple of dead
pets buried in your backyard,” or “when
‘vacation’ means going to Sudbury or
North Bay for the weekend.”
Most can’t be printed here and deal
with sleds, spouses, beer and hockey.
There’s another spin-off—“You might
be a trucker’s wife if.” Google it. You’ll
find lots. Like “you might be a trucker’s
wife if you can’t wait for your husband
to get home and then can’t wait for him
to leave.”
But as far as I know, nobody has done
“You might be a trucker if... ”
Until now.
I asked a handful of driver/carrier
friends for contributions. And they were
surprisingly upbeat. At first.
This came from Terry Smith of Miramichi, N.B. A few years
ago, Terry was named a highwaySTAR of the year and is as fine a
trucking ambassador as you’re going to find.
“You know you are a trucker,” he says, “when you are pounding
the pavement, blue tooth on, tunes blaring , CB on your channel,
and a little boy frantically waves for you to blow the air horn, as
his father cuts you off. All you can do is give a blast for the little
man and one for his dad.”
Also from Smith: “You know you are a truck driver when you
are the first to call 911 and jump out of the rig to come to the aid
of others at the scene of an accident.”
Alfy Meyer, a veteran with Erb, brought it a little closer to
You Know You’re A
Trucker When...
Reading the mood of the folks behind your wheels
home: “You know you’re a trucker when, after being away from
home a few weeks, working 70-plus hours a week, your ‘honey-do’
list requires another 70 hours of your weekend off.”
And, “after eating in restaurants out on the road and looking
forward to a good home-cooked meal, your wife wants you to
take her out to a restaurant.”
David Brown of Rosedale offered:
“When you take your kids to the movies
and you try and use your FAST card;
“When you go for your medical and
can’t see your toes;” and “When you call
your truck Linda and your wife’s name
is Jill but Jill couldn’t care less.”
Some were tied to the economy.
Laughed Michael Ludwig of Ludwig
Transport: “You know you’re a trucker
when you don’t fly your daughter
home for the holidays because it’s nonpaying
freight.”
Of course the real beauty of the
Foxworthy gems is that, deep down at
their core, they’re true. Like this one,
from the Northern Ontario file. “When
you dig your Christmas tree out of 10
feet of snow before you cut it down.”
Been there, dug that.
In that light, one of my contributors,
who preferred to remain anonymous,
offered: “You know you’re a trucker
when you’ve done everything possible to please/exceed your dispatcher
and the company’s customers’ expectations, only to find
a notice of reprimand from the companies safety department for
failing to meet ‘their’ expectations.”
And finally, as one somewhat peeved pal, with more than 25
years under his accident-free belt put it: “You know you’re a
trucker when they lay you off.”
I have one more to add: “You know you’re a trucker when you
have one eye on the road and the other on the help-wanted ads.”
The moral here? The economy’s picking up. Drivers will be
getting scarce again. Best not add, “you know you’re a trucker
when you own a fleet but have nobody to drive it.” ▲