73 JULY 2007 ION.indd - Ion AZ

COMING JULY 15TH...
BUY ONE
Business Offers*
MI PATIO
Buy 1 entree get one FREE
(of equal or lesser value.
Limit 2 per table or group)
WILD CARD 15% OFF Food Purchase
(excludes happy hour appetizers)
Z PIZZA 10% OFF
AMSTERDAM BAR 1/2 OFF COCKTAILS/$5 MARTINIS
(Sundays only)
EAGLE PHOENIX $1 OFF top-shelf drinks
(excludes 2-4-1)
ENERGY TANNING 30% OFF any single month
30% OFF whole tanning package
20% OFF Lotion
OPEN WIDE DENTAL $100 OFF Zoom! power whitening
ENCANTO FAMILY DENTISTRY 10% OFF any dental procedure
(Excludes Zoom! teeth whitening)
NU IMAGE 20% OFF first visit
LASER RX SPA & LASER CTR. 20% OFF Laser RX service pkg.
COMMUNITY TIRE & AUTO $10 OFF any purchase
VALDEZ REFRIDGERATION 10% OFF
MOVIES ON CENTRAL Rent two get one rental FREE
(Valid Sunday-Thursday)
FASCINATIONS 15% OFF merchandise
(Must be 18 or older. Excludes
rentals. In-store purchases only.)
UNIQUE ON CENTRAL 10% OFF merchandise
(Excludes books, music, movies
and magazines.)
DICK’S CABARET $5 OFF admission (everyday)
DICK’S HANGOUT 2-4-1 VIP Shows (1st dance only)
BLUE MOON RESORT - VEGAS Buy two nights get third night FREE
(Certain black-out dates and some
restrictions may apply. Offer based
upon availability.)
PENASCO - ROCKY POINT Buy 3 nights, get 1 night FREE
MIGUELS REST. -TUCSON 10% OFF
LA POSADA HOTEL - TUCSON Buy 2 nights, get 1 FREE
ION ARIZONA MAGAZINE $5 OFF Splash Bash cover
* Some restrictions apply. See store for details. Not valid with any other offer.
Offers expires October 31, 2008. One special per cardholder per visit.
GET ONE FREE!
The ION VIP
“Card” is Back!
Here’s your key (chain) to
great savings!
It’s a discount card,
it’s a key chain or necklace,
it’s a bottle opener
and so much more!
It’s also available July 15th at:
UNIQUE ON CENTRAL
MOVIES ON CENTRAL
ROOT SELLER GALLERY
BRAND X
WWW.IONAZ.COM
and ALL FESTIVALS!
Another great reason we’re
still number one!
Greetings, little patriotic party penguins!
It’s the Fourth of July, when we celebrate Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of
Fun, Fun, FUN! For extra fun we’re presenting Part II of our “Sexy Swimsuit
Spectacular.” So if you think it’s hot now, just wait ‘til you see who we’ve
pasted some of the sexiest swimwear south of the arctic on this month.
Calling all you hot girls! On Saturday night July 21st come out to “Boycott,”
at Club Vibe! Meet your fun-loving womyn friends there for a night of lots of
k.d. lang songs, Indigo Girls music and Melissa Etheridge records! No boys
allowed? Well, our lips are sealed.
Do you remember your prom? Well, now you’ve got a chance to relieve that
magic night the way you wanted it to be. Except without the zits or braces.
The Wild Card is hosting their annual “Another Gay Prom” on Saturday,
July 28th. This year’s theme has an 80’s theme so get out your Flashdance
leg warmers and, like, get ready to totally rock out! This is another great
SWAY Event! So extra fun’s already included!
SWAY Events is keeping busy getting ready for Jell-O Wrestling at
Charlie’s on July 28. The sugary sweet Pussy LeHoot and friends will be
entertaining y’all! Yee-haw! At 10 p.m. the patio will be one gooey, gloppy
of Jell-O! So bring your friends and start rasslin’ for big prizes! You’ll also
be supporting those songbirds at the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus.
And I’m hoppin’ happy to announce that the Party Penguins Of The Month
are ... (drumroll, please) ... The Todds! My special Hot Toddies are Misters
Colin & Christensen and you can party with them at Amsterdam, that’s
because they make sure that everybody has a good time there every night
of the week! So join in with “Fun With The Todds!”
This issue is really special because it’s our Sixth
Anniversary edition. Everything just keeps getting better
here at ION! Why? It’s because of our advertisers,
our contributors, our sponsors, and our buddies at
SWAY Events who all work so hard just keep making
things so swell. And that’s because our readers are
just so darn special! We couldn’t have done it without
you and your support these past six years. So
thanks a million!
Take care, party safe, and tell ‘em ION sent
you!
Love,
ION, the Party Penguin
6 7

3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012
(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939
www.IONAZ.com
CREATIVE DIRECTOR / EDITOR
Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. editor@ionaz.com
ASSOCIATE EDITOR
Deon Brown ................................. editor@ionaz.com
SENIOR STAFF WRITER
Kimberly Ruff ................. kimberlymruff@yahoo.com
PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER
production@ionaz.com
ADVERTISING SALES
Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. adsales@Ionaz.com
ADDITIONAL CONTRIBUTORS:
Ted Kirby and Paul Sanchez, Steven Griswold
Richard Bolinski
Jason Buche
PHOTOGRAPHERS:
NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE
Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863
Wes Bergman
Corey Blanchette
Addison DeWitt
Dave Jackson
CONTRIBUTORS:
Mike Chesworth
Carl James
David Alan Maxey
Kim Ruff
Dave Salcido
Jorge Treviano
TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS,
CALL (602) 308-4662.
Published monthly by
© 2007 Tesorero Omni Media
a JMT Designs, Inc. company
PUBLISHER
Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jackt@ionaz.com
10
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN THE USA
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine
remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced,
altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited
usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.
NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily
refl ect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent
company.
Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization
within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication
of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To
our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION
Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted
by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and
they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see
a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will
remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos,
and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding
that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper
written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials
of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for
unlawful use of such content.
11

PARTY CAM
GRAND OPENING
PRISCILA DVD PARTY
12
13

I.C.E. Nightlife Presents “Pride Thursdays”
Every Thursday through July 26th I.C.E. is having “Pride
Thursdays” in the Old Pueblo. Come see the Disco Divas
perform at 10:30 p.m. No cover ‘til 11 p.m. and great drink
specials all night long! Boogie on down to I.C.E. at 6350 E.
Tanque Verde Rd. For more info go to www.icenightlife.com or
call us at 520-721-7074
Respect is Burning
Looking for two new nights for dancing and non-stop fun? C’mon down
for “Respect is Burning.” You’ll fi nd it every Sunday at Club Rain and
Lounge located at 1420 N. Scottsdale Rd. 21 and over, please. Don’t
worry, kiddos! If you’re 18 and up please join us every Thursday night at
the fabulous Sky Lounge at 132 E. Washington in downtown Phoenix.
For more info call 602-472-5268
Fiestas at Paco-Paco
Ay, ay, ay! Join your hermanos y hermanas at Paco-Paco Club Premiere
on Thursdays for Regina and Friends for a spectacular show and lots
o’ fun! On Saturdays come on over and join in for even more fun when
Arizona’s Numero Uno Latin DJ Shy spins. See the full line up of events
at www.paco-paco.com. You’ll fi nd Paco-Paco at 3045 N. 16th St. just
north of Thomas Rd. Hasta luego, amigos!
Crossroads of the West Gun Show
Have you always dreamed of owning a little Saturday Night Special? A rifl e? How about a
bazooka? Now’s your big chance! Saturday and Sunday, July 7th & 8th head over to the Arizona
State Fairgrounds and pick up a piece. So if you’re looking for
a little Nancy Reagan-derringer or if you need heavy artillery for
serious husband hunting, hurry over to 19th Ave. & McDowell
Rd. Browse www.crossroadsgunshows.com. Bang! Bang!
Mel & Randy’s Basement Party at B.S. West
We’re having a party in the rec room down in the wood-paneled
basement! So c’mon over on Friday, July 20th and have some
brewskies, cop a squat on our new Naugahyde sofa, watch some M-
tv and we’ll play “Quarters!” The fi rst one to blow chunks is 86ed by
Heather. Our basement is at 7125 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. Or visit us at
www.bswest.com/basement or call us at 480-945-9028
14
Boycott Celebrates 2nd Anniversary
It’s time to work your skirt, girls! On Saturday
night July 21st and come out to for the 2nd
Anniversary of the popular “Boycott” at Club Vibe!
The fun starts at Girl o’clock and ends when the
last bra comes off. So hotfoot it over to 3031 E. Indian School Rd.
or call 602-244-9977
Jell-O Wrestling at Charlie’s
“Watch ‘em wiggle! See ‘em jiggle!”
Saturday, July 28th Charlie’s welcomes the Phoenix
Metropolitan’s Men’s Chorus. At 10 p.m. Charlie’s patio will be
converted into a giant Jell-O mold where guests can get jiggly
with it while rasslin’ each other for some fi erce prizes. It’s a
SWAY Event, too! Y’all come to 727 W. Camelback Rd. or
call 602-265-0224
Third Annual 80’s Prom at Wild Card
Now you’ve got a chance to relive the magic of Prom the way
you wanted it to be. Except without the zits or braces. The
Wild Card in Chandler is hosting their annual “Another Gay
Prom” on Saturday, July 28th. This year’s theme has an 80’s
fl air to it! This is another great SWAY Event! So come on
over to 801 N. Arizona Ave. or call 480-857-3088 for more
info. Totally awesome!
JULY 2007 ION SPECIAL EVENTS CALENDAR
DATE EVENT LOCATION CITY
Thursdays Pride Thursday Ice Nightlife Tucson
Thursdays Respect is Burning (18+) Sky Lounge Downtown Phoenix
Thursdays Regina and Friends Paco - Paco Phoenix
Thursdays Truth or Dare E-Lounge Phoenix
Thursdays Family Night Eleve Restaurant Phoenix
Sundays Respect is Buring (21+) Club Rain Scottsdale
7/4 BBQ & Beer Bust Woody’s Tucson
7/4 Fireworks 4th Party Roscoe’s Phoenix
7/8 Wet Underwear Contest Burn Downtown Phoenix
7/14 Dragstar Cabaret The Biz Tucson
7/19 Susana’s 3rd Anniversary Karamba Phoenix
7/20 Mel & Randy’s Party BS West Scottsdale
7/21 Boycott 2nd Anniversary Club Vibe Phoenix
7/28 Jell-o Wrestling Benefit Charlies Phoenix
7/28 3rd Annual 80’s Prom Wild Card Chandler
8/11 Sweet Dreams the Locker-room Phoenix
15

Michael Bublé at the Dodge Theatre
He’s been called the Canadian Sinatra with the Velvet Voice
and has been making fans on both sides of the border for a
couple years now, but Michael Bublé is fi nally taking the U.S.
by storm with his latest release, Call Me Irresponsible, which
has the boys and girls swooning in the aisles. Find out why at
Dodge Theatre, July 15, 2007. Call (480) 784-4444.
Fer(gie)-burger-licious!
The tour gimmick of the season, The Fergie Verizon VIP
Tour brings the multi-platinum and three-time Grammy
Award-winning diva from the Black Eyed Peas through
town in support of her solo CD Fergalicious, but the only
way get tickets is through Verizon Wireless via mobile
phone, so get those fi ngers dancing. At Dodge Theatre,
July 19, 2007. Call (480) 784-4444.
JULY 2007 ION CONCERT CALENDAR
18
DATE EVENT/ARTIST
LOCATION
1 Brad Paisley Cricket Pavilion, Phoenix
2 Blue Oyster Cult & Steppenwolf Gila River Casino, Chandler
6 Boys R Us Club Congress, Tucson
7 Kenny Rogers Casino Arizona, Scottsdale
8 Incubus Anselmo Valencia Tori Amphitheatre, Tucson
9-10 Strange Noize Tour The Marquee Theatre, Tempe
11 Vans Warped Tour Cricket Pavilion, Phoenix
11 Nextfest Dodge Theatre, Phoenix
12 Motion City Soundtrack The Clubhouse, Tempe
15 Michael Buble Dodge Theatre, Phoenix
18 Stephen Stills Dodge Theatre, Phoenix
18 Snow Patrol Fox Tucson Theatre, Tucson
18 American Idols Live Jobing.com Arena, Glendale
19 Fergie Verizon VIP Tour Dodge Theatre, Phoenix
21 L.A. Guns The Brickhouse, Phoenix
23 Rasputina The Clubhouse, Tempe
24 Ozzfest 07 Cricket Pavilion, Phoenix
26 Heart Celebrity Theatre, Phoenix
26 Godsmack Dodge Theatre, Phoenix
26 Martina McBride Jobing.com Arena, Glendale
27 Rush Cricket Pavilion, Phoenix
28 Stevie Nicks Dodge Theatre, Phoenix
31 Hinder, Papa Roach, Buckcherry Mesa Amphitheatre, Mesa
8/1 Projekt Revolution Cricket Pavilion, Phoenix
8/3 Faith Hill & Tim McGraw Jobing.com Arena, Glendale
8/4 Hootie & The Blowfish, Cowboy Mouth Jobing.com Arena, Glendale
8/4 Reel Big Fish, Less Than Jake The Marquee Theatre, Tempe
8/5 Sounds Of The Underground Mesa Amphitheatre, Mesa
19

y Dave Jackson
djackson@virginmega.com
Yo, DJ! What’s New?
Kelly Clarkson – My December.
Add one part grit,
two parts rock and
a ton of struggle
with Clive Davis
for Kelly’s third
release. Gone
are the magical
songwriters from
Breakaway and
gone is the pop princess’ magic. Sure, the
lyrics are more meaningful, but the hooks
and catchy yea yea’s have all disappeared.
However, second single, “Sober” proves
beautiful while tracks “Yeah” and “Don’t
Waste Your Time” show some promise.
This type of album usually surfaces late
in an established artists’ career. Let’s just
hope there is still a pot of gold at the end
of Clarkson’s rainbow.
Original Broadway Soundtrack
– The Pirate Queen
Tackling something
different, Broadway
fans will be pleased
to see this hit
shelves before
the musical gets
yanked from the
Hilton Theatre in
New York. Penned
as the “next big thing,” Les Miserables and
Miss Saigon creators fell short with support
for this Irish themed life struggle; think
Riverdance meets a 15th century heroine.
Perhaps the story and portrayal were a bit
forced; however there is no denying the
music telling it has some moving moments.
Various – Gay Days 2007
Latin Heartthrob Enrique is back after 6
years with a 15 track offering. Sure the
annoying ping pong song is present but it’s
not till track 6, Tired
of Being Sorry,
where we see some
magic. Other songs
of note; Miss You
with its guitars and
eastern sound and
Wish I was your
Lover and Stay
Here Tonight with their pure icing quality.
Overall, this album is pure light pop with a
touch of electronica along with one pseudo
rap entity entitled Push. Like a great
sandwich, this album proves that the best
part is the meat in the middle.
VA – Pride 2007
While we celebrated
Pride in April,
the rest of the
country is fl exing
its muscles now.
To commemorate,
Centaur is once
again releasing
a Pride collection
of covers that is sure to keep the gay in
cheesy, happy dance music. This their 10th
installment sees no deviation and offers
tracks new and old from the likes of Amber
and Nicki French while making the hits We
Are Family and Forever Young appropriate
again. So it doesn’t offer a cutting edge
to dance music. Who cares?! It will surely
make you sing in the shower.
In other music news, The B-52’s (of Love
Shack fame), are about to release a new
album of material after 15 years. All four
members are back on board and they want
to rock your lobster. Initial reports put the
project out late this year or early 2008 with
a sound that is said to be edgy, up-tempo,
electronic and sexy. Whatever the case,
I just hope Cindy and Kate will still be
sporting their beehives!
23

Sunday School for Recovering Catholics
Theology continues to take a tongue-in-cheek beating
in the long-running theological knee-slapper, Late Nite
Catechism, a scathingly hilarious look at Catholicism,
religion and life in general, through the eyes of a very
opinionated, fi nger-wagging nun. Continuing through
the summer at the Scottsdale Center For The Arts. Call
(480) 994-ARTS.
10th Annual New Works Festival
Be among the fi rst to experience new works
by up-and-coming and seasoned playwrights
staging public readings of new scripts, performed
by professional actors and followed by audience
feedback sessions, at the month-long 10th
Annual New Works Festival. At Phoenix Theatre,
July 13 - August 4, 2007. Call (602) 254-2151.
JULY 2007 ION THEATRE & STANDUP CALENDAR
DATE EVENT/ARTIST LOCATION PHONE
Thru 7/15 Man Of La Mancha Fountain Hills Community Thtr. (480) 837-9661
Thru 7/22 Grease AZ Broadway Thtr. (623) 776-8400
Thru 7/28 The King & I Broadway Palm Dinner Thtr. (480) 325-6700
Thru 7/29 Footloose Scottsdale Desert Stages (480) 483-1664
7/5-8 Norm MacDonald The Improv (480) 921-9877
7/6-7 Vic Dunlop The Comedy Spot (480) 945-4422
7/12-29 Bark: The Musical Beowulf Alley Theatre (520) 882-0555
7/12-15 David Alan Grier The Improv (480) 921-9877
7/13-14 T.K. The Comedy Spot (480) 945-4422
7/13-8/4 New Works Fest. Phoenix Theatre (602) 254-2151
7/19 Comedy Stars The Comedy Spot (480) 945-4422
7/20-8/25 Deathtrap Desert Stages (480) 483-1664
7/20-21 James P. Connolly The Comedy Spot (480) 945-4422
7/27-28 Claude Stuart The Comedy Spot (480) 945-4422
24 25

y Kimberly M. Ruff
Harry Potter
and the Order of the Phoenix
spends more time spying on faculty
than adequately preparing the
students for battle.
Harry and company once again
fi nd themselves at crossroads
where they must decide if the
health and well-being of magickind
is worth not just breaking the rules,
but possibly sacrifi cing their lives.
Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma
Watson, Rupert Grint, Michael
Gambon
Release Date: July 11, 2007, valleywide.
The fi fth installation in the Harry
Potter Series, The Order of the
Phoenix continues in the vein of its
predecessors by tackling heavier,
darker material.
While occurrences in and around
Hogwarts allude to the presence of
evil, the Ministry of Magic refuses to
openly acknowledge the correlation
between these incidents and the
return of Lord Voldemort and his
loyal legions of Death Eaters.
Of course, Harry (Radcliffe),
Hermione (Watson), Ron (Grint) and
Dumbledore (Gambon) know better
and do their damnedest to alert the
community.
Facing a possible public relations
disaster, the Ministry places the
highly incompetent Dolores Umbridge
(Imelda Staunton, Vera Drake)
within the school as the new Defense
Against the Dark Arts Teacher. Opting
for antiquated texts and theory over
practical knowledge, Umbridge, a
contemptuous, prejudicial woman,
Under the helm of British television
director, David Yates, The Order
of the Phoenix matches the dark
subject matter with dark imagery
while honoring, as best cinema
can, the more complicated literary
content.
While nowhere near as artsy as
Prisoner of Azkaban or confused
as Goblet of Fire, fans of the book
series may still want to remind
themselves that movies and books
are two different animals and thus,
do not play out the same; in other
words: the movie is never as good
as the book, but that doesn’t mean
it can’t be a great movie. Besides,
Yates must have done something
right, since he snagged a contract
to direct Half-Blood Prince, which
is currently in production and slated
to come out in 2008.
Hairspray
Starring: Nikki Blonsky, John
Travolta, Zac Efron, Michelle
Pfeiffer, Queen Latifah
Release Date: July 20, 2007
Based on the Tony Award winning
Broadway show, Hairspray is
about the plus-sized teen with the
plus-sized hair, Tracy Turnblad
(Blonsky) who’s so passionate
27

about dancing that she makes it the
mission of her young life to appear on
the local TV dance party, The Corny
Collins Show, only to find a more
powerful mission in the process. After
wowing Collins (James Marsden)
with her smooth moves at her high
school dance, Tracy becomes an onair
sensation. Everything that glitters
is gold in her little world until her eyes
are opened to bigger concerns like
racial inequality, than overthrowing
reigning dance diva, Amber Von
Tussle (Brittany Snow.) Working with
Motormouth Maybelle (Latifah), her
best friend, Penny Pingleton (Amanda
Bynes) and Penny’s boyfriend,
Seaweed (Elijah Kelly), Tracy leads a
march in protest and turns the world of
1962 Baltimore upside down.
Both the cast and the crew have some
pretty big shoes to fill in this remake of
the John Waters’ 1988 cult-classic.
John Travolta indulges in Big Macs
and Mac make-up to become Tracy’s
mountainous mother, Edna, a part
originally played by the infamous
Divine, and Christopher Walken
takes Jerry Stiller’s role as Tracy’s
encouraging father, Wilbur. Fans of the
original are going to find themselves
constantly comparing the original with
the remake and coming up short, but
at least a whole new generation of
movie-goers will have the chance
to enjoy this charming musical.
JULY 2007 MOVIE OPENINGS
OPENS TITLE GENRE RATING
7/06 License to Wed Comedy / Romance PG-13
7/06 Transformers Action / Adventure PG-13
7/06 Joshua Psychological Thriller R
7/11 Harry Potter and the Order... Adventure / Fantasy / Family / Drama PG-13
7/13 Captivity Torture / Psychological Drama R
7/20 Hairspray Musical / Remake PG
7/20 I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry Comedy R
7/20 Sunshine Adventure / Sci-Fi / Thriller R
7/27 I Know Who Killed Me Crime / Drama / Thriller R
7/27 No Reservations Comedy / Romance TBA
7/27 The Simpsons Movie Comedy PG-13
7/27 Skinwalkers Horror PG-13
7/27 Who’s Your Caddy? Comedy / Sports TBA
8/03 The Bourne Ultimatum Action / Mystery / Thriller TBA
8/03 Underdog Family / Action / Adventure PG
28

PARTY CAM
PARTY CAM
QUENCH YOUR WENCH 2
31

y Wes Bergman
wesobergman@yahoo.com
Gray Matters
Starring: Heather Graham, Tom
Cavanagh, Bridget Moynahan
Gray (Graham,
Austin Powers)
and her brother,
Sam (Cavanagh,
Ed) are thick as
thieves, sharing
a trendy loft in
downtown New
York, a love of
classic cinema,
and a passion for
swing dancing.
After a naïve
guest at a
friend’s dinner
party makes
the mistake of
assuming they’re
a couple, the
two decide that
it might just be
in their best interest to branch out;
Sam will fi nd a guy for Gray and she
will fi nd a gal for him. When the two of
them meet the lovely zoologist, Charlie
(Moynahan), it’s love at fi rst sight…for
both. Gray is then thrust into a journey
of self-discovery as she comes to
terms with her unexpected attraction
to women and how that will ultimately
impact her life.
Written and directed by newcomer,
Sue Kramer, Gray Matters is not
necessarily a “coming-out” tale so
much as it is one about simply being
honest with yourself and not looking to
others for the answer when it is within
you all along.
While there are certain hiccups in
the plot – such as the idea of two
intelligent, rational people getting
married after six days, Gloria Gaynor
allowing anyone to share the stage
with her at a Vegas
Nightclub, or a
thirty-something
New Yorker just
now realizing
she’s a lesbian
– they are still, in
a way, plausible.
The primary cast
has wonderful
chemistry;
Graham and
Cavanagh are a
perfect brothersister
pair and
the secondary
cast consists
of a strong
back-up: Sissy
Spacek as Gray’s
incompetent
therapist, Alan
Cumming as a smitten, advice-giving
cabbie, and Molly Shannon as Gray’s
coworker and friend.
Most outstanding, however, is Heather
Graham’s performance as the earnest,
affectionate Gray. She’s not the
most multi-dimensional actress, but
there’s something deeply endearing
and sweetly naïve about her screen
persona that even the most cynical of
viewers will fi nd themselves charmed
by her and ultimately rooting for her
character’s success.
In other words: this movie is just too
cute!
33

The Kinsey Sicks:
I Wanna Be a Republican
Starring: Ben Schatz, Irwin Keller,
Chris Dilley, Jeff Manabat
Touted as “America’s Favorite Dragapella
Beautyshop Quartet”, The Kinsey
Sicks have been traveling around the
country since the 2004 elections with
their hilarious
stage act, “I
Wanna Be a
Republican.”
Starring their
alter-egos of
Rachel, Winnie,
Trixie and
Trampolina,
the fabulous
foursome hold
a faux GOP
Fundraiser,
singing the
praises of the
radical right, a
capella.
A few caveats here: first, don’t be hatin’ a
book by its cover. If you’re like me, you’ll
look at the DVD, roll your eyes, and say,
“Oh my God, what is this mess?” Don’t!
It’s no joke that The Kinsey Sicks are
campy - but aside from campy, they’re
supremely talented singers, songwriters,
performers and comedians. They do
both parodies of original tunes, such as
George W. Bush’s theme song, When
You’re Good to Dubya done to the tune
of When You’re Good to Mama and
write their own music.
One of the most unexpected parts of the
show is where they take a pause from
the act and sing with beautiful sincerity a
gorgeous song about a former member
of their
troupe. It is
incredibly
moving.
The other
caveat is
don’t be
hatin’ a book
by its cover.
Seriously.
Even if
you’re a
Republican,
you might
find yourself
tickled by
their biting commentary on the current
state of politics. I don’t consider it so
much a knock on conservatism as it
is a knock on the Bush Administration
and their bizarre concept of what a
“Republican” is. So check it out with
an open mind and you might just find
yourself highly entertained.
34 35

PARTY CAM
FLAGSTAFF PRIDE
PARTY CAM
38 38

40
A girl can never have
too many makeovers
and if you’re looking for
proof, look at Madonna.
She changes her look
like she changes her
underwear- if she wore
any; she’s been an 80s
punk princess, a Marilyn
Monroe knock-off, an
Earth Mother, a Dance
Diva, an Argentinian,
and eight or nine things
in between and yet,
she only gets better
with age. If she only
changed her name every
time she underwent a
transformation, she’d be
“Jaded”, the restaurant
formerly known as
“Burger Betty’s”, the
restaurant formerly
known as “Hamburger
Mary’s.”
June 1 st marked the
grand opening for Jaded, the revamped
restaurant under new ownership on 7 th
Street just north of Camelback. Pistol Pete
Kelly, D.J. Extraordinaire of Energy Radio
M.C.’d the event, with contests, raffl es and
drag queens entertaining both on-stage
and off. As any opening night party should
be, the place was packed to the rafters
with some of Phoenix’s fi nest, including, of
course, the hot crew of ION Arizona.
While we drank in the scene (and by
“scene” I mean “mojitos and martinis”) we
snacked on several appetitzers including
the Shrimp Cocktail, Maryland Blue Crab
Dip, and the Brie Cheese. The Shrimp
Cocktail consisted of the most ironically
named “shrimp” I’ve ever seen - they’re
huge and served with Jaded’s homemade
cocktail sauce. The Brie Cheese was
a delicious puffed pastry served with
strawberries, grapes and baguette. Best
of all was the Maryland Blue Crab Dip, a
Jaded
41
spicy, delicious dip
served with tortilla
chips and quickly
devoured by our
party.
Jaded has perhaps
one of the most
diverse menus I’ve
ever seen, where
patrons can have
something as chill as
a burger or quesadilla
or eat high class
fare like Rack of
Lamb, Vegetarian
Croquettes or
Chicken Roulades.
On Sundays, patrons
have the chance
to enjoy brunch
with shrimp, eggs,
pancakes, french
toast, fresh fruit, a
chocolate fountain
and one-cent
mimosas.
In addition to the new menu patrons will
fi nd that once again the little restaurant
that could has had an internal makeover.
The palm fronds and southwestern
furniture is replaced with a much
more understated, adult looking decor
complete with large mirrors, simple lines
and contemporary fabrics and colors.
For you fans of karaoke and the dancing
drag queens, don’t fret. Just because
the restaurant itself has grown up
doesn’t mean that the stage and lights
have gone by the wayside. They still
have show-stopping performances.
Whether you want to hang out with
friends or take your special someone
out for a night on the town, Jaded is a
one-stop shop located at 5111 N. 7 th St.
For more information give them a call at
602-240-6969.

Meet the Women
Name: Leanna
Age: 23
Astrological Sign: Aries
Occupation: Hospital Scrubbie
Originally from: Sweatshop, Arizona
Turn ons: Sexy with class, matching ass-- I
mean, uh, intelligence.
Turn offs: The fl ashing of privates from anyone
over 50.
For fun: Long road trips stuffed in tiny clown
cars, Mexican drive-thrus after the club, and
dancing with her.
Dream Destination: Any vineyard in Italy or
Spain. I want to feel grapes squish between
my toes.
When did you come out? My family found my
IonAZ magazine last year!
Favorite Sports: Walking by my dumbells
on the way to work, women’s basketball, and
sumo wrestling.
Name: Brooklyn
Age: 27
Astrological Sign: Aries
Occupation: Weinus remover..ok ok outside
sales
Originally from: De-troit!
Turn ons: Long walks on short cliffs? Limo
rides! When my girlfriend does this one thing...
Turn offs: Midget strippers...they are just
mean!
For fun: Dance around my kitchen in gold
shoes with brush as a mic singing showtunes
Dream Destination: Bulgaria in the middle of
winter while wearing my gold shoes with the
brush in hand!
When did you come out?: Well I’m technically
still in the process! Some of my family are
just in denial...
Favorite Sports: Volleyball, football, basketball,
basketweaving, and pole dancing
602-993-4567 phx
520-791-2345 tuc
Get a Date Tonight!
See ad on page 75 (Free code: 4448)
42
43

PARTY CAM
GAY WEST - TUCSON
SOUTHWEST LEATHER
44
45

iontravel
Rocky Point
“Chili today, hot tamale!” Feel like taking
a quick getaway to the beach? One that
you can afford? Don’t forget our friendly
neighbors south of the border! If you’re
looking to get out of town, why not go to
sunny Puerto Penasco, Mexico, lovingly
known as Rocky Point? Just a short
three-hour drive from Phoenix, it’s close
and it’s a bargain.
Always favorite spot with many
Arizonans, there’s a lot more to Rocky
Point than the rowdy, Spring Break
playground you might imagine. It’s
hard to forget the sugar-sand beaches
dotted with seashells or the sun setting
lazily in the west with fireworks lighting
up the evening sky over the warm and
inviting Sea of Cortez. You can easily
46 47

have all this and it’s all within reach.
What? No beach house? No problem!
We recommend the luxurious Hotel
Penasco del Sol, the only beach front
property hotel just minutes away from
everything.
The landmark Hotel Penasco del
Sol is conveniently situated at 1
Paseo las Glorias. And glory be!
The hotel recently had a $15
million renovation and features 205
beautifully appointed guest rooms
and suites with ocean views as well
as a dining room at Miguel’s Steak &
Seafood featuring a mouth-watering
menu. The service? You can’t beat it.
Warm, friendly and charming, these
folks aim to please.
The Hotel Penasco del Sol is
managed by Premier Hotel Group,
headquartered in Tucson. They recently
invited the ION Party Crew and friends
down Old Mexico way for a sun-soaked
weekend of fun.
Our gracious hosts and friends from
Premier included Larry Martin, Randy
Dix, the muy guapo Omar Lopez
Rosales, and our hilarious “Master
of Ceremonies” Jerry Gutierrez and
so many more. We’ll never forget the
friends and the memories we made in
Rocky Point. This includes one very
special show at charming little theatre
called Gua-Gua that was kinda like “Up
With People.” Kinda sorta. In a really
weird way.
Doesn’t Rocky Point sound swell? It is!
If you haven’t discovered Rocky Point
already, you should. And if you have,
now is a great time to see it again. For
a limited time you can get a great room
at Hotel Penasco del Sol for a great
price for only $89 per room, per night
- and this includes breakfast, too. And
you should know that the Hotel Penasco
del Sol is very GLBT friendly, too. Say
“buenas dias” when you see the friendly
and capable General Manager Raphael
Cordova. If you need anything, he can
make it happen.
For more information and a visual tour
of the Hotel Penasco del Sol as well as
avao;a availability, visit HotelRockyPoint.
com or call 800-259-6976 for
reservations. And tell ‘em ION sent you.
Hasta pronto!

PARTY CAM
PARTY CAM
ROCKY POINT
51

On Steven: Black Square-cut by Sauvage avaialable at Unique on Central
On Alan: Black Swim Brief by Sauvage available at Unique on Central

On Alan: Shades by A.J. Morgan, Green Camo Board Shorts
by Sauvage, and Badged Swim Trunks by Mmmwear all available
at Unique on Central.
On Steven: Shades by A.J. Morgan, Military Trunks by
MmmWear both available at Unique on Central. Blue Camo
Board Shorts by Diesel available at Swell Clothing.

On Alan: Shades by Versace.
Silver Lame Hotpants available at
American Apparel.
On Lisa: Red Bead Necklace and
Floral Bikini by Marina West both
available at Dragonfly Boutique.
56

On Alan: Red Striped Square-cut Swimsuit by Sauvage available at Unique on Central.

On Alan: Shades by A.J.
Morgan available at Unique
on Central. Lefty Guns Straw
Fedora available at Retail
Laboratory.
On Lisa: Bikini Top by Diesel avaialable
at Swell Clothing. Gold Lame Hot
Pants by American Apparel. Shades
by Paul Frank and Bracelet by Kiln
Enamel both available at Retail Laboratory.

On Steven: Striped Trunks by Sauvage available at Unique on Central. On Alan: Rog Fedora by
Goram avaialable at Retail Laboratory. Olive Swim Brief available at American Apparel. On Lisa:
Floral Bikini by Marina West and Red Beaded Necklace both available at Dragonfly Boutique.

On Alan: Swim Trunks by MmmWear available at Unique on Central. Tommy
Sunshine Limited Edition Shades by Paul Frank available at Retail Laboratory. On
Steven: Trunks by Sauvage available at Unique on Central.
On Lisa: O’Hare Shades by Initium and
Gold Oval Bangle by Kiln Enamel both available at
Retail Laboratory. Bikini Top by Diesel available at
Swell Clothing. Gold Lame Hotpants from
American Apparel.

THANK YOU!
Photography by Carl James.
Art Direction by Joey Sarandos-Durisek and Kevin Bushaw.
Hairstyling and Production Assistance by Ivan Garcia.
Makeup by Tony Dean.
Makeup for Lisa provided by YSL and Chanel.
Makeup for Steven and Alan provided by Chanel.
L’or De Vie Skincare provided by Christian Dior.
Additional Skincare from Amore Pacific.
Shot entirely on location at the residence of Rudy Dostal.
Rudy, we can’t thank you enought for allowing us use of your
beautiful home.
Additional thanks to Unique on Central,
Sauvage, MmmWear, Swell Clothing in Tempe, &
Retail Laboratory at the Biltmore Fashion Park.
COMING AUGUST 2007
SEXY SWIMSUIT SPECTACULAR
PART 3
On Lisa: Bikini by Diesel available at Swell Clothing. Studded
Platform Heels with Gold Ribbon Detail by Foot Candy available
at Dragonfly Boutique. On Steven: Purple Box-cut with Tribal
Detail by MmmWear available at Unique on Central. On Alan:
Square-cut Suit with Lifeguard Emblem by Andrew Christian.
70
71

JULY 2007 Vol. 1, Issue 6
OUTRAGEOUS!
Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
METRIC SYSTEM
ANGERS LOCAL MAN!
GLENDALE,
Az - Liters make
Stu Gordon mad.
Really mad. “I’m
sick and tired of
going to Circle
K and looking
for a quart of
Mountain Dew,
and finding out
it only comes in
liters. Even when
I go to Grog
‘n’ Go Liquor for a fifth of Everclear, I
found it’s only sold in liters, too. I hate
this metric system business,” he said.
Mexico, Gordon
was distressed to
see the distances
to the border from
Tucson to Nogales
on I-19 south
were calculated
in kilometers as
well as miles.
“It’s a conspiracy,
I’m telling you,”
he fumed. “It’s
all those dang
foreigners trying to shove that metric crap
down our throats. Keep it up and they’ll
find my non-metric 12 inch foot up youknow-where.”
Since the1960s the International System
of Units has been internationally Gordon is also the founder and president
recognized as the metric system.
These of an organization called “Metric Go
units of measurement are widely used Home,” and attempts to make sure the
around
the world for everyday and U.S. adheres to the current system of
scientific purposes. Despite coincidental weights and measures. “First it’s liters.
similarities to real-life values, Gordon, These metric people, if you give ‘em
who failed the fourth grade because of a centimeter, they’ll take a kilometer,”
a course in the metric system, refuses to Gordon complained.
accept any metric conversions. “I’ll keep
buying my soda in 12 ounce cans if I
have to,” he said. “I ain’t convertin’.”
Libya, Myanmar and the United States
are the only non-metric countries in the
world. Gordon plans on moving if the U.S.
Additionally, during a recent car trip to “goes metric.”
74
75

LYNCHBURG,
Va - Members of
the Moral Majority
announced that
founder, the Rev.
Jerry Fallwell, 73,
who died on May 15,
2007, failed to meet
to be met with
disappointment
the three day deadline
for a full, bodily
resurrection on May
18, 2007.
REV. JERRY FALWELL’S
RESURRECTION FAILS
“Frankly, we’re
stunned,” said a
spokesperson for
the zealous, Biblethumping,
hellfire and
brimstone right-wing religious fanatic
organization. “We fully expected to see
the Reverend rise from the dead after “I don’t have all eternity to wait for
three days. We really don’t
understand this,” said Ida Rose Winkle of the
why this didn’t happen. We intended to Thomas Road Baptist Church who
stage
a full video broadcast on Trinity stopped by the cemetery. “I’ve got to
Broadcasting Network for this event.
This is more than a little embarrassing.”
Following scriptural example, the
corpulent televangelist Falwell was
anointed with oils, wrapped in a
linen shroud and buried in a tomb
donated by church faithful Joseph R.
Amithaya in the Lynchburg Memorial
Park Cemetery.
Family and friends
awaited patiently
for Falwell’s
resurrection
and subsequent
ascension, only
when three days
passed and nothing
happened. Since
then parishioners
dropped by to pay
their respects and
poke him with a
stick to see if there
were any signs of a
potential resurrection.
make an Apple Brown Betty for a Bake
Sale at our Fellowship Hall tomorrow. I
don’t think this raising up for the dead
thing is going to happen. He’s really
starting to stink, too.”
Moral Majority leaders are currently
looking for loopholes regarding a
resurrection.
FRANCE RECLAIMS
STATUE OF LIBERTY
PARIS,
France - Newly elected French mouth of the Hudson River and part
President Nicolas Sarkozy announced of the New York Harbor’s landscape
plans that France will be reclaiming the is slated to be removed in stages and
Statue of Liberty. Lady Liberty was a gift will be gone by the new year. U.S. and
from the French Republic to the United National Park Service officials were
States as a symbol of the friendship shocked and surprised with the recent
between the two countries for over 100 turn of events. “We’ve always liked to
years when it was dedicated in 1886.
at least pretend that we were friends
with France. I mean, sure, there was that
The copper colossus, located at the
(CONTINUED)

SECRETARIES LIKE LIGHT RAIL
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS
PHOENIX, Az -Jeanette Warburton, 42, at 2:15 where she’ll consume four or five
an accounts receivable clerk for Perlman Little Debbie Snack Cakes and a Tab
& Kronenberg, LLC located in a Central Energy drink.
Corridor high rise said that she likes
to
look at construction workers for the Warburton has worked at the firm for
Phoenix Light Rail. “I have two fifteen twelve years and says that the ongoing
minute breaks every day. I take the first construction has really brightened up
break at 10:15 in the morning. Usually her otherwise surprisingly boring life
I’ll get two Bacon, Egg and Cheese at the office. Her cubicle mate, Dixie
biscuits from McDonald’s and maybe de la Garza, 34, commented, “I just got
some hash browns and I’ll stand outside hired from temp to perm last month and
on the patio and look at the guys,” she sometimes we’ll just stand out there
said. “I think some of them are totally looking at the construction workers for
super hot.” She takes her second break
(CONTINUED)
79

(CONTINUED)
SECRETARIES LIKE LIGHT RAIL
FRANCE RECLAIMS
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS
STATUE OF LIBERTY
the entire lunch hour, too. One time
I asked this one way foxy dude if he
wanted some of my Pringles and he said
‘sure.’ We nearly died!”
President Sarkozy issued a statement
about the controversial revocation
of sculptor Frederic Bartholdi’s
They added, “Sometimes things can get
really hairy here in the office, especially
if it’s end of the month and we’re doing
reconciliations. I know that working
with debits and credits may seem like
way easy fun, but it can get really freaky
around here!” Warburton and de la Garza
have been shopping at Fashion Bug plus
sizes for crinkle-washed “skorts” - a
cross between shorts and a skirt - in a
feeble attempt to attract the blue collar
workers of the opposite sex.
“I’m, like, pretty sure that this one guy
whistled at us last week,” Warburton
added. “And one time I saw one of the
guys at the QT when I was picking up
some Skittles and Ho-Ho’s for me and
Dixie. I think he saw me looking at
him, too, and I’m pretty sure he might
have recognized me. I was, like, totally
freaked out!”
Both girls plan on riding the
Light Rail after completion.
whole messy ‘Freedom Fries’ business
and stuff, but, heck, now they’re Indian
Givers,” said one undisclosed source.
masterpiece. “Eet ees our privilege to
keep zee statue. Zee American publique
does not deserve eet any more because
your gouvernement eez - how you
zay? - stupide. Zo you can keep your
le McDonald’s hamburgaires, your
meatloaf and le Starbucks. We take back
zee statue.” The French government
plans to install the statue in Calais, at the
Chunnel station.
France has offered to replace the Statue
of Liberty with a really big statue of
their national hero Jerry Lewis on the
pedestal as a consolation gift.
Stay Tuned For More
OUTRAGEOUS
Stories Every Month!

ARIES- Pack your bags. True to your
audacious nature, this month will be a
sexually charged adventure. Although you
are generally assertive, this is your month
to let down your guard and try experiencing
the scene somewhere new. As fresh meat
afar, this will be the opportune time to spice
up your sex life and follow your impulsive
desires. Just remember to play it safe and
don’t kiss and tell.
LEO- See and be seen. Typically, you
are a trend setter, even if you don’t
realize it. This month, capitalize on your
creativity and sexual enthusiasm. Lend
your sparkling, sexy personality to a
charitable cause. Take a day out of your
schedule to volunteer and utilize your
leadership skills to motivate the community.
Get out, schmooze, shake hands,
kiss babies (and don’t forget to snag a
few phone numbers along the way)
TAURUS- So a couple of your exes have
done you wrong...so what? Stop being
jealous and start getting even. Give up
your resentful ways and break your stale
social patterns. Spread your wings and
become a social butterfl y. Although some
may regard you as withdrawn and even
boring at times, now is your chance to
prove them wrong. Surround yourself with
new friends, put some swoosh in your step,
give a little attitude and before you know it
you’ll have more dates than you can pencil
in your little black book.
GEMINI- Dress to impress. In July all
eyes will be on you. (No pressure) You’ll
be lusted after and the object of everyone’s
affection. You even earn a new secret
admirer that will later reveal themselves. In
the meantime, don’t be shy about being a
little mischievous. Use your wit and take
your fl irtation to a new level. Although
you’ll be considered a tease it will drive
potential mates to want you even more.
This month it’s all about you and the rest of
the world will just have to deal.
CANCER- Girl, you’re so busy. This
month keeping up with you and your action
packed schedule can be an event of epic
proportion. Make certain to take plenty of
time for rest and whatever you do don’t
forget to take some time out for a little
romance. Despite your over emotional
habits, even if it’s a one night stand, go for
it...you’ll need the stress relief.
VIRGO- Break out of your shell. Shy
as you may be, it’s time to abandon your
bashful characteristics and stop being a
wall fl ower. Shock that special somebody
you’ve had your eye on with your
new found confi dence in the bedroom.
Start saying no to favors and take more
time for pleasing yourself. Head to
your local adult shop, be naughty and
embrace your kinky side.
LIBRA- Make up your mind. This
month you will be propositioned over
and over again. While it is in your
nature to become indecisive and pursue
them all, beware that this could be the
start of a vicious cycle that will leave
you exhausted, over extended and then
fi nally alone. Take care to focus on one
or two hot bods that charm to you the
most.
SCORPIO- Charge it. This July it’s
okay to spoil yourself. Next month you
may revert back to your compulsive
ways and return to a conservative way
of life, but for now you should live life in
the moment and splurge. A bit of retail
therapy will do you good and will put you
in an upbeat mood leaving you feeling re
energized, refreshed and ready to score
a dreamy date. (Either that or with a
pair of really expensive jeans)
CONTINUED ON PAGE 86
82 83

PHOENIX NIGHTLIFE
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
C
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
27.
28.
29.
30.
31.
32.
33.
34.
Amsterdam 718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix (602) 258-6122
Apollo’s 5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 277-9373
BS 7125 5th Ave. - Scottsdale (480) 945-9028
Bunkhouse 4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 200-9154
Burn Nightclub 122 E. Washington St. - Downtown Phoenix (602) 258-1772
Cash Inn 2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 244-9943
Charlie’s 727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix (602) 265-0224
The Chute Men’s Club 1440 E Indian School - Phoenix (602) 234-1654
Clarendon Hotel + Suites 401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix (602) CLARENDON
Club Vibe 3031 E. Indian School - Phoenix (602) 224-9977
Cruisin’ 7th 3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 212-9888
NEW! Dick’s Cabaret 3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix (602) 274-DICK
Dick’s Hangout 11040 N. 21st Ave. - Phoenix (602) 943-2760
e lounge 4343 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 279-0388
Friends 1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 277-7729
Harley’s 155 2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 956-2885
Homme 138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix (602) 266-0875
Incognito 2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix (602) 955-9805
Jaded 5111 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 240-6969
Karamba 1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 254-0231
Kobalt 3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix (602) 264-5307
Locker Room 3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 267-8707
Club Miami 716 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix (602) 258-6122
Nu-Towne Saloon 5002 E. Van Buren St. - Phoenix (602) 267-9959
OZ. 1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114
Paco Paco 3045 N. 16th St. - Phoenix (602) 263-8424
Padlock 998 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 266-5640
Phoenix Eagle 3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix (602) 493-0355
Plazma 1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix (602) 266-0477
Pumphouse II 4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 275-3509
The Rock 4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 248-8559
Roscoe’s 4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 285-0833
Taylor’s Tavern 15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix (602) 867-2463
Wild Card 801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler (480) 857-3088
Z Girl Club 4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 265-3233
84 85

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 83
TUCSON NIGHTLIFE
SAGITTARIUS- Generally you are blindly
optimistic, but you should take July to re-evaluate
your patterned sex life. While doing this
you should embrace your restlessness and fool
around with mates that may not be your type.
Date as many people as possible and whatever
you do just have fun. You make dating diffi
cult, so keep in mind that dating shouldn’t’t be
a chore.
AQUARIUS- Keep your mouth shut. Your
intelligence and wit can only get you so far. In
order to score this month, don’t say a word.
Your nonverbal signals are the key to improving
your chances of making a love connection.
When meeting people, let your eyes and smile
express your true intentions. If that doesn’t
work, don’t be afraid to shake your booty on
the dance fl oor.
CAPRICORN- Let’s get physical. Unfortunately,
you may not be “in season” this July,
but August looks to be very promising for your
sexcapades. Use this month to be disciplined
and hit the gym an extra day or two. Prepare
to look your best and make sure you are ripped
and ready to go for a hot and steamy August.
PISCES- Relax. For you, simplicity is the key
to having the most successful and satisfying
month of dating. That means you’ll need to
stop being weak willed and will want to steer
clear of all the mellow drama that can go along
with hooking up. Instead, look to those that are
less high maintenance. If the least bit of friction
arises, it’s a sure sign you should move on
to the next eligible bachelor or bachelorette.
BARS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE
1 Ain’t Nobody’s Biz 2900 E. Broadway (520) 318-4838
2 IBT’s 616 N. 4th Ave. (520) 882-3053
3 Venture-N 1239 N. 6th Ave. (520) 882-8224
4 Rainbow Planet Coffee House 606 N. 4th Ave. (520) 388-9829
5 Woody’s 3710 N. Oracle Rd. (520) 292-6702
6 Howl at the Moon 915 W. Prince Rd. (520) 293-7339
7 Yard Dog 2449 N. Stone (520) 624-3858
8 Colors 5305 E. Speedway (520) 323-1840
9 Hydra Leather 145 E. Congress St. (520) 791-3711
COMMUNITY SERVICES
A Metropolitan Community Church 3269 N. Mountain (520) 292-9151
B Cornerstone Fellowship 2902 N. Geronimo (520) 622-4626
D Wingspan 300 E. 6th St. (520) 624-1779
E S.A.A.F. 375 S. Euclid Ave. (520) 628-7223
F Royal Elizabeth Bed and Breakfast 204 S. Scott Ave. (520) 670-9022
G TIHAN (Tuscon Interfaith HIV/AIDS Network) 492 N. Alvernon (520) 299-6647
H EON Gay Youth Center (520) 620-6245
86
87

Happy Hour 4-7pm
Happy Hour 4-7pm
Karaoke @ 9pm
$5 Martinis&Manicures
Hpnotiq Strippers 9pm
Happy Hour 4-7pm
Divas @ 9:30 / No Cover
Karaoke w/ Ron @ 9pm
Karaoke w/ Ron @ 9pm
$2 B.Mrys & Mims ‘til 3
$1 Dom. Draft Beer
$5 martinis all day
2-4-1 vodka drinks 9pm
Karaoke w/ Ron @ 9pm
2-4-1 from 2pm-8pm
2-4-1 from 9pm-12am
Karaoke / $3 DnkyPunch
$2 Domestic Beer
$5 Grey Goose
2-4-1 (Hotspot)
Karaoke @ 9pm
$3 Stoli + Shot Specials
Karaoke + $3 Long Isl.
1c Mimosa/ $3 B.Marys
1/2 Price Margaritas
$1.25 well & 16oz dom.
$5 Martinis
Happy Hour ‘til close
$3 Wells/ $2 Dom.
2-4-1 Wells 8-10:30pm
$1 Mimosas
2-4-1 All Night
CLOSED
$5 L.I.s/ $3CuervoShots
$4 Wells
$2 Pitchers 2-7pm
.75 Happy Hr. 7-9pm
$2 Long Islands
1/2 off - w/only Undies
$2 Specials / 2-Steppin’
$2.50 L.Islnds @ 7pm
$2 Ptchrs/ 2-4-1 @ 7pm
$2 Domestic Pitchers
50c. Pitchers $2 Wells
$2 Coronas + Pitchers
CLOSED
CLOSED
CLOSED
2-4-1 Beer +Drag Show
Afterhrs.-Dance ‘til 4am
Afterhrs.-Dance ‘til 4am
Open 10pm- 2am
Prizes and giveaways
Prizes and giveaways
Service Industry 1/2 off
Amateur night
$5 OFF mention IONAZ
Hump Day
$5 OFF mention IONAZ
NO COVER EVERYDAY
NO COVER EVERYDAY
2-4-1 VIP table dances
NO COVER EVERYDAY
2-4-1 VIP table dances
NO COVER EVERYDAY
NO COVER EVERYDAY
2-4-1 well/dom. 8-10pm
2-4-1 well/dom. 8-10pm
18+ Dance - No alcohol
CLOSED
CLOSED
CLOSED
$2 domestic pitchers
Karamba Dancers
No cover before 10pm
$3 Pitchers w/Diamond
CLOSED
CLOSED
$3 Pitchers w/Diamond
$3 Pitchers w/Susana
Happy Hour: 4-7-pm
Happy Hour: Noon-7pm
$1.50 D.Beer w/ Jersey
Happy Hour: 4-7-pm
Amer. Idol & Karaoke
2-4-1 All Drinks
Happy Hour: 4-7-pm
$2 dom./well 2-7pm
$2 dom./well 2-7pm
$2 dom./well 2-7pm
$2 dom./well 2-7pm
$2 dom./well 2-7pm
$2 dom./well 2-7pm
$2 dom./well 2-7pm
Drag w/ Galilea- 10:30
Drag w/ Susana - 10:30
Drag w/ Fabiola - 10:30
CLOSED
CLOSED
Drag w/ Susana - 10:30
2-4-1 Thursday
Rev. Happy Hour Mid-2a
Live DJ 9pm
Karaoke from 5-9pm
2-4-1 ALL DAY
$1 draft Bud Light
Strippers/ Underwr Nght
$2 Miller & Long Island
Happy hr: $2 Dom/Well
Lunch from 111a-4p
$7 Long Island pitchers
Big Ass Drink Night
2-4-1 all day (Hotspot)
Industry Night
Happy hr: $2 Dom/Well
Karaoke 9:30pm
Diamond Dolls 9:30pm
Beer Bust
Cheap Ass Drink Night
Karaoke 10pm
Wild Card Review 9:30
Drag Bingo 8:30pm
Latin OR Hip Hop Music
$4 Vod/RedBull 8-11pm
$2 Pitchers ‘til 10pm
Poker Night w/Prizes
1/2 Off Drinks Free Pool
Rotating Shot Specials
Drag@ 9pm Shot Spcls.
DJ Jeff @ 9pm
Jazz @6pm DJJeff @9pm
Beer/ Bingo/ Karaoke
Karaoke @ 9pm
Retro 80’s Nite
Underwear Party
Free pool/ Myspace Nite
90 91

y Addison DeWitt
O, beautiful for spacious guys! For
amber legs split in twain! There’s
nothing I like more than seeing those
Yankee Doodles and their Wanky
Noodle Dandies. As of press time, the
Fabulous 4th hasn’t happened yet, so
I’ll fi ll you in on the bangs and booms
next month. And maybe the fi reworks,
too.
Ay, ay, ay,
amigos! Craving
fun, I took a trip
down south of
the border and
somewhere north
of my garter to
funny, sunny
Rocky Point,
Mexico! And
what’s more fun than a barrel
of monkeys? Two Todds!
The Amsterdam adorables,
hunky Todd Colin and his
young ‘n’ yummy squeeze
Todd Christensen
joined us for a weekend
of fun at the Hotel
Penasco del Sol. Rob
Andersson and Rich Shaver
helped us soak up some tequila. I
mean sun. They very nearly became
permanent residents of Mexico when
the private luxury motorcoach pulled
away from the hotel without them.
Last I heard they were selling puka
shell necklaces on the beach to
drunken fratboys.
Cover me in in mint sauce and call
me a lambchop! I must be living
right because I traveled down Old
Mexico way seated right next to none
other than the solar-smiled beauty
Andrew Walter Cochran, with eyes
as black as frying pans. Andrew
was the dreamy ION Cover Boy
November 2006, and he’s also the
95
gorgeous ginslinger from Woody’s
bar in Tucson. So next time you’re
in the Old Pueblo, be sure to stop
in Woody’s and get a body shot on
Andrew. And I mean that literally on
Andrew. But if you get a splinter at
Woody’s you’ll have to take care of on
your own, if you know what I mean.
Ave Maria purissima, baby!
Adorable Fun-Meister
Gary Guerin
and those folks at SWAY Events
staged a drag-o-licious party for
ION readers at Kobalt benefi ting
the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s
Chorus and promoted them
when they hosted a
party presenting
the “Extra Frills”
Edition of the
DVD of Priscilla
Queen of the
Desert. Movie-
loving boozers were
treated to fab skagdrag
performances
by Kobalt’s own
Stacey Louis
(pictured
top) and the chorus’
handsome director Mark
Gaston (pictured center).
Darling, where do you hide your
“candy”?
Leather lord Steven Bloom watched
the famous chick-with-a-dick-fl ick
along with fi lm fans Jeff Enle, H.R.H.
R.J. Merrill and merry choir boy
David Smith (not the same First Guy
David Smith of District 4. Yep, there’s
two of ‘em.) Richard Plummer and
Vaughn Varley buttered up Imperial
Margarine Court monarchs Michael
Gaffney and Julie Craig who were
arrived in mufti.
Helena Grayson kicked up her
heels with Gilbert Gamboa as

well as Dr. Ralph Luciani from Nu
Image Anti-Aging Medical Spa
and his partner Dan. Kobalt’s Bryon
Wiley was in on the fun, too. And
speaking of fun, humpy handyman
Todd Singer and his scrummy cousin
Trevor (pictured center) had more
than they could handle with a trio of
marauding booger drag queens. One
of those big-shouldered
gal pals looked
suspiciously like
Eleve chef Josh
Huffman who
could fricassee my
chicken anytime.
Another June crowd
pleaser was the
Echo Magazine
Readers’ Choice
Awards Awards Awards.
It’s worth repeating,
because everybody
loves to be noticed.
Those clever people
from SWAY Events
staged the Hollywood caliber
spectacle at the Wrigley Mansion. It
was swellegant seeing so many of our
community’s leaders, contributors,
events, bars and clubs honored.
And seeing Rocco Menaguale was
an added bonus. The inimitable
- and dare I say gorgeous and
talented - Barbra Seville was the
perfect Mistress of Ceremonies. Our
city’s best and brightest, including
the Kenny Thames Trio, singer
Anthony LaMotta and the Phoenix
Metropolitan Men’s Chorus gave
everybody fi rst class entertainment.
Color us grateful! The ION “Sexiest
Bartender Contest” at Apollo’s
Lounge was nominated for “Best
Fundraising Event.” The evening’s
highlight was when Bill Orovan
presented me with an award for “Best
Society Columnist & Advancement of
Pointless Journalism.” I’m fl attered!
So next time you see one of the
winners or nominees give ‘em an
“Atta Boy.” Or “Girl.” Or whatever.
They deserve it!
Speaking of “The Sexiest Bartender”
- sorry kids. Your oh-so-lickable and
likable winner Brad Dautrement
from BS West is really and offi cially
“hands-off” boys. And girls.
Last month marked Brad’s
legally binding contract and
conjugal matrimonifi cation
to his bride, Amy. Yep,
he’s married, folks.
Nonetheless, here’s
wishing the newlyweds
all the happiness in the
world. Maybe we can look
forward to some hot ‘n’
sexy little Brad Juniors in
the future.
Elections are right
around the corner and
the environment is a big
hot button. The City of Phoenix
may eventually even follow San
Francisco and eventually ban plastic
bags at the supermarkets. And with
these concerns escalating, I leave
you with this fi nal titbit of gossip:
anonymous but reliable sources have
passed on vital, secret information
to me that the girthy gal known as
Divinity does not recycle! I know,
gentle readers, I was shocked to
learn about this fl agrant disregard
about the environment, too. Shocked,
I tell you. Go talk to Divinity and ask
her to explain herself.
Give a hoot, darling. Don’t pollute.
_
Give Addison something decent
- or indecent - to write about. Send
naughty news to RumorHound@aol.
com. But send your aluminum cans
and newspapers to the City. And
send your underwear to me.
96
97