98 August 2009.indd - Ion AZ

August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 1

4 WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2009 August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 5


THE LEATHERMEN 

Photos submitted by Brian Collins 

8 WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2009 





Marriage 

Children and Freedom 

As Gays and Lesbians, we cannot marry our 

partners (though some politicians fear that 

we want to marry goats). We cannot typically 

have children (no matter how hard we try). 

We’re still considered social outcasts by 

many (try PDA on the West Side). Sounds 

pretty bleak doesn’t it? Quite the contrary. 

We experience companionship, parenthood, 

and freedom like no heterosexual can. Our 

lives are more fl exible, more fun and more 

free. 

MARRIAGE 

Fortunately, we don’t encounter society’s 

pressure to marry a same-sex partner. Of 

course, it would be nice to have the option 

but even when that day comes, we won’t 

feel the same pressure. Today, you can 

enter into — and out of — a committed 

relationship without the Church, the state, 

or lawyers’ involvement. Or not. It’s your 

choice. 

CHILDREN 

While we can’t conceive children naturally, 

many of us choose to be parents to a more 

loyal, loving and caring family members 

— our pets. That’s why we are creating 

our fi rst annual “Pets and the City” issue 

featuring members of our community and 

their “children” — their pets. These family 

members are treated like royalty and we 

are sometimes closer to them than our own 

family and friends. You can choose to have 

pets. Or not. It’s your choice. 

FREEDOM 

Our fi rst Splash Bash was in 2002. It started 

as our 1st Anniversary party. Who doesn’t 

like to celebrate your baby’s birthday? It was 

our fi rst celebration and I learned a lot. In 

fact, there was a “straight” wedding at the 

hotel when Splash Bash ended. There were 

happy, wet party goers, some in small sexy 

bathing suits leaving as heterosexuals in 

tuxedos and suits entered the hotel. I can’t 

think of a more awkward moment. Well, I 

can but that’s reserved for a future column. 

It was then we decided to take over the 

entire hotel — all 100+ rooms. Since 2003 

we have opened up a hotel to the entire 

GLBT community and their allies for a huge 

event like no other. We’ve moved Splash 

Bash back to its original home: the Radisson 

Phoenix City Center. Their staff and 

management have been very generous and 

supportive in our quest for a safe, fun and 

memorable experience without judgment 

from outsiders. Bring on the PDA! Or not. It’s 

your choice. 

The Coors Light Splash Bash 9 this 

Labor Day weekend will be like no other. 

Hosted by VH1’s Brooke Knows Best co-star 

Glenn Douglas Packard who’s bringing his 

partner, Daniel Miagany. Splash Bash will 

help benefi t 1N10 Youth Group. Plus, we 

have a lot of surprises that I can’t mention 

yet but if you come, you’ll have a great time. 

In order to get more people to experience 

the fun, we’re offering free tickets and 

discount room rates. The Adult Shoppe is 

giving away FREE tickets (while supplies 

last with a $20 purchase or more). Off Chute 

Too, Root Seller Gallery, Unique on Central 

and ionaz.com are all selling $10 discount 

tickets until Friday, September 4th. Low 

room reservations are now available at 

ionaz.com. We usually sell about 100 rooms 

so after the party ends, the fun continues. 

There’s nothing like it in Arizona! 

So be in a committed relationship as if you 

were married. Or not. Raise pets like they 

were your children. Or not. Come out and 

celebrate freedom at Splash Bash 9. Or not. 

Wait, scratch that last one. 

Enjoy your freedom. Celebrate with us! 

Jack Tesorero 

Publisher 

18 WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2009 August 2009 

WWW.IONAZ.COM 19

ION ARIZONA CENTER 

3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 

www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com 

PUBLISHER 

Jack M. Tesorero ....................... jacktesorero@me.com 

CREATIVE DIRECTOR 

Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com 

EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR 

Deon Brown - Ext 2 ................... ionazeditor@me.com 

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT 

Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com 

PRODUCTION & ARTWORK 

ionazproduction@me.com 

ADVERTISING SALES 

Jorge Suarez, Ext 1 ..................... ionazsales@me.com 

PHOTOGRAPHERS: 

Jerry O’Conner Don Thompson 

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE 

Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 

Corey Blanchette 

Wes Bergman 

Addison DeWitt 

Jackson David Kelly 

CONTRIBUTORS: 

Ted Kirby 

David Alan Maxey 

Kim Ruff 

Paul Sanchez 

TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, 

CALL (602) 308-4662. 

Published monthly by 

© 2009 Tesorero Omni Media a JMT Designs, Inc. company 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

PRINTED IN THE USA 

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine 

remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, 

altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. 

Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. 

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily 

refl ect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its 

parent company. 

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or 

organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as 

any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or 

organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed 

and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some 

photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, 

they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to 

reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call 

us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. 

All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are 

published with the understanding that the advertisers are 

fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the 

use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, 

and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of 

such content. 


22 WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2009

APOLLO’S 



Kenny Thames Benefit 

Our community’s tireless entertainer, Kenny Thames, is facing a health crisis 

and needs some help. That’s why there’s a fundraiser with an evening of music, 

song, laughter and a whole lotta love at Kobalt Bar on Saturday, August 8. 

Help out! Come to Park Central Mall at 3110 N. Central. Phone: 602-264-5307. 

www.kobaltbar.com 

Roscoe’s Beach Party 

What could be more fun than playing Beach Blanket with 

the gang at Roscoe’s? Celebrate their lucky 13th Anniversary 

August 14-16. They’ll have great drink specials 

all weekend, a Hawaiian buffet on Saturday, a sexy wet 

bathing suit contest, a trip to San Diego for two lucky beach 

bums, prizes, giveaways and more! 4531 N. 7th St. Phone: 

602-285-0833. Visit www.roscoeson7.com for more! See the 

ad on pages 17 &18 

Karamba’s 5th Anniversary 

Join the fi esta at Karamba as they celebrate their 5th anniversary 

on Saturday, August 22. There’s a very special tribute to Michael 

Jackson with Carlo Riley and giveaways! You’ll see lots of other 

events and parties at Karamba listed on page 12. 1724 E. Mc- 

Dowell Rd. Phone: 602-254-0231 

PornoPalooza 

Hurry! Hurry! Step right up! See your favorite XXX Blue 

Movie stars in the — ahem — “fl esh” for a hot, raw weekend! 

There’ll be drink specials, XXX movie giveaways, go 

go dancers, Chi Chi Larue and more! Sat. August 22 at 

Woody’s in Tucson, and Sun. August 23 at BS West. See 

the ad on page 8 for details. 

Apollo’s Amateur Strip-Off 

Go right around the corner from Mt. Olympus, on 

the left, to Apollo’s. Each Sunday, August 2, 9, 16 & 

23 boys can compete for a cash prize, and compete 

in the Finale on August 30. So break out the ol’ 

banana hammock, put on some disco music and start 

stripping, boys! See you at 5749 N. 7th St. Phone: 602- 

277-9373 or visit www.apollos.com See ad on page 24 

The Jungle Party 

C’mon down for some bungle in the jungle! Celebrate the 

offi cial end of summer at Amsterdam at the Jungle Party on 

Saturday, August 22. Enjoy $4 Bacardi Mojito cocktails and 

try your hand at Big Game Hunting! They’ll have giveaways, 

contests and prizes. See you there at 718 N. Central Ave. 

Phone: 602-258-6122. See ad on page 11 

Club Papi Party 

¡Que rico! Andale pronto over to Forbidden when Club 

Papi comes to town on Friday, August 4! Hosted by Lola, they’ll 

celebrate the Fey National Gay Club Tour. And don’t forget the world 

famous Club Papi dancers. Sign up for the VIP Meet & Greet Package 

at www.IwantTickets.com/clubpapi and we’ll see you at 

6850 E. 5th Ave. in Scottsdale. See the ad on page 3 

Splash Bash 9 

Put on the suntan oil and your sunglasses! Yes, it’s another 

Splash Bash at the Radisson City Center at 3600 N. Osborn 

Rd. There’s music with the top DJ Sister Sin, games, 

contests and best of all: our party host — the supersexy, 

talented, out & proud Glenn Douglas Packard from VH1’s 

hit show Brooke Knows Best. He might even bring his hot 

boyfriend, Daniel Miagany, too. See ad on pages 4 & 5 

AUGUST 2009 ION EVENTS LISTINGS 

DATE EVENT & LOCATION CITY 

7 bilatinmen.com Underwear Contest at Karamaba Nightclub Phoenix 

8 Kenny Thames benefi t Musical Revue at Kobalt Phoenix 

14-15 White Party Weekend - Dick’s II Phoenix 

14 - 16 Roscoe’s Beach Party Weekend 13th Anniversary Party Phoenix 

20 Scandalesque at Cherry Lounge Tempe 

21 End of Summer Bash Weekend - Dick’s Cabaret Tempe 

22 Jungle Party - Amsterdam Phoenix 

22 Porno Palooza - Woody’s Tucson 

23 Porno Palooza - BS West Scottsdale 

28 Patio Grand Opening Party at Bar1 Phoenix 

29 DJ Chris Adams at Forbidden Scottsdale 

30 Amateur Strip Show Finale at Apollo’s Phoenix 

9/4 Club Papi Party at Forbidden Scottsdale 

9/5 Red Hot Salvation - The Second Coming at Forbidden Scottsdale 

9/5 Splash Bash at The Radisson City Center Phoenix 


DRAG WARS 


Photos submitted by BS West 


Jonas 

Brothers 

Tween idols and pop music darlings, Disney Channel 

creations Kevin, Joe and Nick Jonas will bring their shaggy hair 

and skinny little virgin butts to the Jobing.com Arena to the 

delight of teenyboppers and chicken hawks everywhere! 

Catch their 3-dreamy concert experience on Tuesday, 

August 11. Have mom ‘n’ dad drive you to 9400 W. Maryland Ave. and use 

their credit card for tix at www.TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000 

Depeche Mode 

Probably the only synth-pop band to emerge unscathed from most 

of the beloved if long forgotten bands of the 80’s, Depeche Mode 

comes down the old Route 66 to the Dodge Theatre to prove that 

Everything Counts. After all, People are People! Sunday, August 23. 

400 W. Washington. Tix: www.LiveNation.com or 

602-379-2888 

Incubus 

Fusing together hard rock, metal, funk and pop melodies, 

Incubus conquered the airwaves that won over both 

modern rock and mainstream audiences -- with no help 

from MTV. See them rock at at the Jobing.com Arena on 

Tuesday, August 25. 9400 W. Maryland Ave. Get your tix 

at www.TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000 

AUGUST 2009 ION CONCERT CALENDAR 

DATE ARTIST/EVENT LOCATION 

1 Hippiefest Celebrity Theatre 

5 Diana Krall Dodge Theatre 

7 Judas Priest Dodge Theatre 

8 En Vogue & Bell Biv Devoe Celebrity Theatre 

11 Jonas Brothers Jobing.com Arena 

12 Lil’ Wayne, Young Jeezy Cricket Wireless Pavilion 

12 Heaven and Hell Dodge Theatre 

13 Lyle Lovett Dodge Theatre 

14 Toby Keith Cricket Wireless Pavilion 

18 Daughtry Marquee Theatre 

21 The Cult Celebrity Theatre 

22 Green Day US Airways Center 

23 Depeche Mode US Airways Center 

25 Incubus Jobing.com Arena 

29 Def Leppard, Poison & Cheap Trick Cricket Wireless Pavilion 


After a 4 year hiatus, Fey is back with 

not one, but two albums, which includes an 

album in English. This talented Mexicana is 

famous for hit tracks such as Muevelo and 

Azucar Amargo and those are just to name 

a few. Fey fanatics will soon get their chance 

to see her up close and personal as she’s 

slated to do a number of shows with Club 

Papi at the end of August. The sexy Latina 

set aside some time and chatted with us 

about her hit new album and what she really 

thinks about her gay fans. 

Congratulations on the success of your 

current album. How does it feel? 

Thanks, Victor. Imagine the emotion I feel, 

so spoiled, so loved and accepted by the 

ones that mean most to me, which are my 

heartfelt fans that have been with me for the 

past 15 years. I really hope they will enjoy 

and love the new material. It feels amazing to 

be supported by my fans once again. 

You also have an album coming out in 

English. Tell me about it. 

I ask that all my fans come and wish me 

good luck with their presence when I team 

up with Club Papi at the end of August for a 

number of shows. I need their blessing! I’ll 

perform music from the new album, songs 

that we’ve sang and cried to and not to 

mention Muevelo and Azucar Amargo. My 

other tour begins later this year. 

Tell me something about you that people 

would be surprised to find out. 

Wow. Oh my, God. I sleep completely nude. 

Laughs. No, actually I sleep with high heels 

that never come off. Laughs. We all have 

something about ourselves that can surprise 

people. 

Of all the hit singles you have, is there 

one you really enjoy performing? 

Azucar Amargo from the album Tierna la 

Noche is at the top of my list. Each time I 

sing it, I still feel the way I felt when I fi rst 

heard the song. It really represents who I am 

as a person. I will never get tired of singing it. 

What would you like to say to your gay 

fans? 

FEY 

Returns to 

the Mic 

By Victor Barreiro 


Sweet Temptation will be available through 

the internet at fi rst, just like the album in 

Spanish, but you can get your hands on it 

very soon. 

I recently saw you perform in front of 

thousands for gay pride in San Francisco 

on the Latino stage. 

The experience has been another that will 

have a place in my heart forever. There are 

certain instances where I can look back and 

enjoy my performances as an artist. I feel this 

connection with the Latino gay community on 

so many levels. It is times like that you never 

forget and that is exactly what happens to me 

at gay pride events. I feel free when I am with 

them. It really was a beautiful experience. 

Every year the crowds get bigger, which 

creates a lot of energy. 

You’re getting ready for a tour with Club 

Papi as well as your own tour later this 

year. What can we expect? 

August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 33 

I am very fortunate that people with that level 

of passion, with so much appreciation and 

determination, love my work. They are very 

brave and have continued to be that way for 

so many years. I feel very blessed be a part 

of their lives. It truly is an honor for me to 

support them. 

For a list of Fey’s performance dates, please 

log on to clubpapi.com 

FEY will be 

performing LIVE 

at the 

CLUB PAPI 

Party at 

September 4th

Written by Jackson David Kelly 

davekjackson@cox.net 

Yo, DJ! 

What’s New? 

Though album releases will be light in 

August, in addition to these great offerings, 

fi nd new material from Third Eye Blind, 

Modest Mouse, Lil Wayne (tentative), Reba 

McEntire as well as Mariah Carey’s Memoirs 

on the 25 th . 

Imogen Heap Ellipse (8/25) 

After spending a year in 

post production/writing, 

Imogen’s third album 

fi nally sees the light 

of day. Full of worldly 

sounds, eccentric 

instruments and Imogen’s 

classic, breathy vocals, Ellipse continues the 

feel of “Speak for Yourself.” Lead single “First 

Train Home” gives the perfect introduction 

with its commercial, catchy, bubbly sound 

while tracks “A-ha” and “Bad Body Double” 

take a sharp turn to the right with their 

harsher, off the wall feel. However, it’s “Little 

Bird’s” modern day lullaby and “Tidal’s” 

beautiful emotive resonance that bring this 

collection to full greatness. 

Anjulie Anjulie (8/4) 

MySpace phenomenon 

Anjulie is ready to prove 

why Rolling Stone calls 

her the one to watch in 

2009. A three track EP 

was available last year 

to great applause and 

her fi rst full length will continue that roar. 

Part Nelly Furtado, MIA, Lily Allen and 

Winehouse, this artist soars with a 60s vibe. 

Though lead single “Boom” is a bit trite 

(except for the remixes), the track “Heat” 

slithers with a Beyoncé-esque vibe while 

“Day Will Soon Come” gives good soul with a 

sound reminiscent of Mariah’s best. And then 

there’s “Love Songs;” a sleek, heart warming 

joyous ditty sure to please. 

Mutemath Armistice (8/18) 

On their second album, 

Mutemath takes a 180 

degree turn. While their 

debut was more piano 

driven, this album rocks 

with amped up steroids 

and showcases a Muse/ 

U2 edge. Lead single “Spotlight” is one of 

the best rock singles to come out this year 

while “Nerve” is a drum infused track that 

sounds right out of the 70s. Other songs of 

note include “Clipping” and “Burden.” Less 

melodic, more classic with a darker raw edge 

is the best way to sum up this album. 

Michael Jackson Dangerous 

It’s been one month since 

his passing and a month 

that is still void (yes I 

teared with his passing). 

So in honor, I offer my 

favorite MJ album and my 

18 th favorite record of all 

time. Not only does it contain the perfect pop 

tunes of “Black & White” and “Remember 

the Time” but it houses two of his most 

riveting ballads, “Heal the World” and “Will 

You Be There.” And what sets this release 

apart is the creativity he takes with “In the 

Closet,” “Why You Wanna Trip” and my 

album favorite “Who is it.” Music will never 

be the same without this pioneer, genius and 

entertainer. 

In other music news, Madonna’s greatest 

hits and last album for WB is set for 09/25. 

Though exact packaging and track listing 

cannot be revealed, it is confi rmed that two 

new songs will be included; “Broken” and 

“Celebrate.” There have been rumors of 

additional Oakenfold, Mirwais and Lil’ Wayne 

(Revolver) tracks as well, but as this album 

will already be packed, expect those to be 

shelved. Until next month… 


W O O D Y ’ S - T U C S O N 

WETT PARTY 

See the new Men of Forbidden 

Review Friday nights starting 

August 14th. 

Photos submitted by Richard Bolinski 

36 WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2009 Special Advertising Section 





1 V O I C E C O M M U N I T Y C E N T E R 

80S BOWLATHON 



y Kimberly M. Ruff 

kimberlymruff@yahoo.com 

Cold Souls 

Starring: Paul Giamatti, David Straithairn, 

Emily Watson 

The fi rst feature length fi lm of writer/director, 

Sophie Barthes, Cold Souls is a tragicomic 

critique on American consumerism. Paul 

Giamatti (Sideways) plays – literally 

– himself: a middle-aged actor overwhelmed 

by his latest role that seeks to ease his 

suffering by off-loading his soul (again 

– literally). Seeing an ad in the paper, he 

makes an appointment with a soul storage 

fi rm. At fi rst delighted by the “lightness,” he 

soon realizes how utterly empty, emotionless, 

and left-of-center he is now sans soul. 

He wants it back, but it’s gone. Now he must 

follow his black market mule all the way to 

St. Petersburg to reclaim the better part of 

himself. While the fi lm has the off-beat appeal 

that typifi es hyper-analytical and über-artsy 

indie fi lm, it smacks too much of a Michel 

Gondry/Charlie Kaufman partnership, most 

specifi cally: Eternal Sunshine 

of the Spotless Mind. 

Furthermore, without 

even having seen the 

movie, I already know 

precisely the point 

Barthes is trying to 

make: if you’re going 

to be indie, you need to 

avoid over-exposing your 

audience to the underlying 

meaning. That being said, I love 

Giamatti’s sad sackness so much, I will still 

see the fi lm and you should, too. Release 

Date: 08/07/09. 

Inglourious Basterds 

Starring: Brad Pitt, Eli Roth, 

Nastassja Kinski 

Quentin Tarantino is back doing his 

Tarantino-thing, which means a lot of action, 

violence, cursing – in short, using special 

effects to perfect what Sam Peckinpah (The 

Wild Bunch) started. His latest, Inglourious 

Basterds, is no exception. Brad Pitt stars as 

Movie Previews 

August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 47 

Lt. Aldo Raine, the head 

of a group of Jewish- 

American soldiers 

who scalp and 

murder Nazis in 

an effort to spread 

fear through the 

Nazi army. While 

no doubt the fi lm 

is highly cathartic 

(I can’t imagine many 

souls would actively root for the Nazis), the 

violence is always overwhelming and often 

seems gratuitous. But, if you like Tarantino 

– and he is an acquired taste – you will most 

likely enjoy Inglourious Basterds. Release 

Date: 08/21/09 

Funny People 

Starring: Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, 

Leslie Mann 

The third fi lm directed by wunderkind, Judd 

Apatow (Knocked Up, 40 Year-Old Virgin), 

Funny People stars Adam Sandler as the 

well-known comedian George Simmons, 

who learns he has a terminal illness and 

must make the necessary arrangements in 

preparation for his impending death. Along 

with him on this journey is the aspiringcomedian 

Ira (Rogen), who writes jokes 

for Simmons and eventually becomes his 

closest friend, as well as “the girl that got 

away,” Laura (Mann). Just when Simmons 

– and the audience – think they have it all 

fi gured out, fate takes a funny twist and gives 

him a second lease on life. Now it’s 

up to him to set right what 

hadn’t been for years and 

to truly seize the day. 

Like Apatow’s two 

previous fi lms, 

Funny People is 

delightfully witty 

and deliciously 

rich. Release 

Date: 

07/31/09.

y Wes Bergman 

wesobergman@yahoo.com 

Win a 17 Again DVD from ION Arizona! 

Newcastle (2007) 

Starring: Lachlan Buchanan, Reshad Strik, 

Xavier Samuel 

The feature-length directorial 

debut of Dan Castle, 

Newcastle, is a comingof-age 

tale focused 

on Jesse Hoff 

(Buchanan), the 

17-year-old younger 

brother of a former 

surfi ng champion. 

Living in the shadow 

of his brother, Victor’s 

(Strik), now lost glory, 

Jesse struggles to 

fi nd his own potential. 

Is he the second coming 

of Victor, or is he his own 

person? Can he transcend his bluecollar 

background and achieve fame, or is he 

destined for something humbler? Set over 

the course of a booze-soaked weekend on 

the beach, Jesse fi nds the answers to these 

questions and so much more. 

The item of interest for you, as viewers, is 

less Jesse’s angst-ridden tale of coming 

to grips with his potential than it is his twin 

brother, Fergus’ (Samuel) angst-ridden tale 

of coming to grips with his sexuality. While 

Jesse frets over how he stacks up compared 

to his older brother, Fergus frets how he 

stacks up to, well, pretty much everyone. 

Potentially the only Goth in Newcastle, he 

sticks out like sore thumb amongst his 

brothers and their friends, all the while 

unsure of himself. If you love sand, 

surf, gratuitous nudity (talk about 

oxymoron!), and periods of self-doubt, 

check it out! 

DVD Movie Review 

Another fi rst feature-length fi lm this time 

directed by Chris Mason, The New Twenty, 

looks at a close-knit group of friends that 

have known each other since college and 

are now facing an existential crisis in 

the midst of turning thirty. Set in 

New York in 2006, the action 

kicks off with engagement 

announcement of the 

group’s token female, Julie 

(Bilderback), and alpha 

male, Andrew (Locke). 

The joy doesn’t last 

long, however, when the 

group is infi ltrated by the 

fast-talking, tricky dick, 

Louie (Serpicho), who 

offers a tempting business 

proposition to Andrew and 

leads him down the path to selfdestruction. 

In the midst of Andrew’s 

burgeoning turmoil, other issues come to 

light, including the covert-homosexuality of 

Ben (Colin Fickes), Tony’s (Andrew Wei 

Lin) laissez-faire attitude towards sex and 

drugs, and Felix’s (Thomas Sadoski) desire 

for something more stable. Will the friends 

grow into their thirties or is it really the “new 

twenty” with the same grasping 

for identity and 

answers? 


The New Twenty 

(2009) 

Starring: Ryan Locke, Nicole 

Bilderback, Terry Serpicho 


AUGUST 

MOVIE OPENINGS 

DATE MOVIE GENRE RATING 

7 G.I. Jose: The Rise of Cobra Action PG-13 

7 Julie & Julia Comedy PG-13 

7 A Perfect Getaway Action/Thriller R 

7 Shorts Fantasy/Comedy PG 

7 When in Rome Comedy/Romance NYR 

7 Paper Heart (limited release) Comedy PG-13 

7 Beeswax Dramedy NYR 

7 Cold Souls (see review) Dramedy PG-13 

14 The Goods: Live Hard * Sell Hard Comedy R 

14 Bandslam Dramedy NYR 

14 District 9 SciFi/Action R 

14 The Time Traveler’s Wife Drama/Romance PG-13 

14 It Might Get Loud Documentary PG 

14 Ponyo Animation G 

14 I Sell the Dead Comedy/Horror NYR 

14 Spread Comedy NYR 

21 Post Grad Comedy PG-13 

21 Five Minutes of Heaven Crime/Drama NYR 

21 My One and Only Comedy PG-13 

21 X Games 3D: The Movie Sport/Documentary NYR 

21 The Marc Pease Experiment Comedy PG-13 

21 Inglourious Basterds (see review) War/Drama R 

28 The Final Destination Horror/Thriller R 

28 H2 (Halloween 2) Horror NYR 

28 Open Road Drama PG-13 


July 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 51

CHARLIE’S 

M O R E P I C T U R E S A T I O N A Z . C O M 

Photos submitted by Richard Bolinski 



drag shows 

The Follies Comedy Drag Show 

If you think men in ladies’ clothing and lipstick are funny, just wait’ll 

you see icepics and Pandora Productions’ The Follies every Saturday 

night at 10 p.m. The high-heeled hilarity starts on August 8th. 3108 E. 

McDowell Rd. 602-267-8707 www.icepicsvideobar.com 

Phoenix Gay Pride Bar Pageants 

The competition heats up for the rhinestone-hungry drag queens and the salamipackin’ 

drag kings battle it out for bragging rights to represent their bar for The Big One. Look 

for your favorite bar’s preliminaries starting this month and lasting into October. Check the 

ION Arizona Drag Show Listing each month for dates and times. 

OZ Cabaret Grand Opening 

Come see the one, the only Miss Barbra Seville with her razor 

sharp wit in her new Saturday night show at the Grand Opening of 

OZ Cabaret at Forbidden starting on August 22. Come to Forbidden 

at 6820 E. 5th Ave. Scottsdale. Phone: 480-994-5176. 

www.ForbiddenAZ.com/oz 

AUGUST 2009 ION DRAG LISTINGS 

DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) 

Wed. the 12 8:30pm Charlies Mister & Miss Charlie’s 

Fri. the 21 8:00pm BS West Miss BS West “Cheveux Fantasie” 

1st & 3rd Tues. 10:00p BS West Tranny Shack Tuesday with Kiki Vermont & Saellah V. 

2nd & 4th Tues. 10:00p BS West Mya & Naomi 

Tuesdays 10:30p Karamba Susana’s Show 

3rd Wednesday 10:30p Pumphouse II Amateur Drag Contest hosted by Savannah 

Wednesdays 10:00p Charlie’s Claudia B. & Company 

Wednesdays 9:30p Wild Card Divas w/ Kiki Vermont & Friends 

Wednesdays 10:30p Karamba Diamond Dallas Hosts... 

3rd Thurs. 8:00p Forbidden Ruby ‘n’ Friends 

2nd & 4th Thurs. 9:00p Wild Card Drag B-I-N-G-O w/ Angel Rogers 

First Thursdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Savannah’s School of Scandal 

Thursdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah 

Thursdays 9:00p Incognito Divas After Dark with Dianna K. Shane 

Thursdays 9:30p Amsterdam Icons Live w/ Mya McKenzie & Kiki Vermont 

Thursdays 10:30p Karamba Susana’s Show 

Last Thursday 10:00p Cherry Lounge Scandalous w/ Scandalesque 

Fridays 9:30p Forbidden Fuego Fridays with Miss Ruby 

Saturdays 10:00p icepics The Follies Comedy Drag Show 

Saturdays 10:00p OZ Cabaret Barbra Seville (Beginning August 22nd) 

Saturdays 9:30p Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show 

Saturdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah 

Saturdays 10:00p Wild Card Diamond Dolls w/ Kiki Vermont & Mya McKenzie 

Sundays 8:30p Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends 

Sundays 10:30p Karamba Galilea’s Show 

1st Sunday 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of the Month w/ Afeelya Bunz 

2nd Sun. 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of the Month w/ Dianne Daniels & Miss Dottie 

3rd Sun. 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of the Month w/ Chané Jordan 

Last Sun. 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of the Month w/ Barbra Seville 

To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to kbushaw@me.com 

Included events must be 1) Charity Benefit OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser 



are: 

a musical 

The story of students in a Catholic boarding school struggling to 

fi nd their own voices in a modern world that both embraces and 

isolates them. These teens confront coming of age, coming out, and 

coming to terms with the often contradictory but always high expectations 

of parents, peers and the Church. Thru August 9 at Playhouse on the Park at 

the VIAD Center. 1850 N. Central. Tix: 602-254-2151 

Lisa Lampanelli 

No cow is too sacred for Lisa Lampanelli to lampoon. If you’re at 

all politically correct or sensitive to any racial, religious or sexual 

orientation issues – stay home! But if you love to laugh and think 

skewering everyone – including yourself – because of their belief 

systems is funny, then head over to the Dodge Theatre on Saturday, 

August 15 to see Lisa Lampanelli. She’s @$#&% hilarious! 

400 W. Washington. For tickets call 602-379-2888 or 

go to www.LiveNation.com 

Rent 

The seminal rock musical of the 90s tells the story of a group of 

impoverished young artists and musicians struggling to survive in 

New York’s Lower East Side under the shadow of AIDS. Based on 

Puccini’s opera La Bohème, there’s bound to be death. A Nearly 

Naked Theatre production, there’s bound to be a penis. Staged 

August 15-September 12 at the Little Theatre at Phoenix Theatre, 

100 E. McDowell Rd. 602-254-2151 

AUGUST 2009 ION THEATER + STANDUP 

DATE EVENT LOCATION PHONE 

thru 2 Circue du Soleil Jobing.com Arena 623-772-3200 

3 Dry Heat Comedy Dodge Theatre 602-379-2888 

6-9/29 Mid-Life! B’way Palms Dinner Theatre 480-325-6700 

7-8 Greg Proops The Comedy Spot - Scottsdale 480-945-4422 

7-9 Cabaret Series Theatre Works - Peoria 623-815-1791 

7-9/20 Forever Plaid AZ Broadway Theatre - Peoria 623-776-8400 

7-9/20 The Taffetas AZ Broadway Theatre - Peoria 623-776-8400 

7-10/11 Fantasticks Scottsdale Desert Stages Theatre 480-483-1664 

thru 9 Jekyll & Hyde Scottsdale Desert Stages Theatre 480-483-1664 

14-16 Chad Miller The Comedy Spot - Scottsdale 480-945-4422 

15 Lisa Lampanelli Dodge Theatre 602-379-2888 

15-9/12 Rent Nearly Naked Theatre - Phoenix 602-254-2151 

thru 16 Trust Me, I’m a Doctor Copperstate Dinner Theatre - Phx 602-279-3129 

27-30 Jake Johannsen Tempe Improv 480-921-9877 

28-9/13 Camelot Theatre Works - Peoria 623-815-1791 

thru 8/29 Beauty & the Beast Hale Centre Theatre - Gilbert 480-497-1181 

56 WWW.IONAZ.COM January 2009 


Hanny’s 2.0 

Updated Menu with Great Atmosphere 

Downtown’s hot new restaurant is here. In 

1986 after the fi rst incarnation of Hanny’s, 

a men’s clothing store, closed after 39 

years it was sold to the City of Phoenix and 

repeatedly set ablaze for training exercises 

by the Phoenix Fire Department. After a quick 

trade Hanny’s ended up in the hands of it’s 

current owner, Karl Kopp of Scottsdale’s 

legendary hotspot AZ88. After a three-year 

restoration, cleaning, an installation by 

thought provoking artist Janis Leonard and 

one signifi cant menu revamp Hanny’s is 

ready to catch fi re once again. 

Hanny’s pizza is thin crisp crust with perfectly 

proportioned toppings. All of their cheeses 

are imported from Italy. You can start with 

any of the varieties and add toppings as 

you like. A favorite is the Veggie Pizza with 

mushroom, bell pepper, black olives, onion, 

Italian three-cheese blend and tomato sauce. 

All the veggies are chopped small and 

topped liberally. If you’re Vegetarian this is 

a great option and satisfying. If you’re the 

carnivorous type, try it with Italian sausage. 

Price hovers around $12 with toppings at $2 

each. 

Since it’s rocky opening, the bar and eatery 

is improving, and where there’s smoke, 

there’s fi re. Still! Service has gotten quicker, 

the menu broadened and the entertainment 

surprises us every time. If you haven’t been 

back because of a less-than-robust fi rst 

impression, now’s the time to make a second 

venture. Edition Two of the menu added 

new varieties of every sort of offering on the 

menu: pizzas, appetizers, salads, sandwiches 

and proper entrée plates. 

The Beet Salad comes with red and gold 

beets, arugula, red onion, pistachios, lemon 

vinaigrette and choice of gorgonzola or goat 

cheese for $8. As long as you like the base 

ingredients, you’ll be a fan. It’s well 

constructed and tasty. 

A new addition to the menu is the Porchetta 

Sandwich (pictured below). With roasted 

and grilled white marble pork loin served 

with fontina cheese, onions, black olives and 

sopressata on ciabatta bread, this a complex 

and delicious offering that you’re sure to light 

up with delight at fi rst try. 

Another consistently satisfying and tasty 

sandwich is the Roast Beef with grilled prime 

rib, Nueske’s bacon, arugula and a fried egg 

on ciabatta 

bread. 

602-993-4567 phx 

520-791-2345 tuc 

Get a Date Tonight! 

See ad on page 88 (Free code: 4448) 

The Asparagus with Egg is one 

of the big surprises on the 

menu. The sunny-side-up egg 

over hot asparagus blends 

extraordinarily nicely with the 

shaved Parmigiano-Reggiano 

cheese. The French put 

fried eggs on practically 

everything. Now we know 

why. C’est magnifi que! 

Appetizers range from $5 

– $12. 


Sandwiches 

weigh in 

around the $9 

mark, give or take. 

New plates include the Pork Milanese and 

Tuscan Steak. For those who wish to be 

simultaneously more and less adventurous 

there’s the Pork Milanese. It’s a classic Italian 

dish with pounded-thin pork loin, breaded 

and deep-fried to a crisp, and topped with 

cucumber, radishes and radish sprouts. Both 

entrées are served with Hanny’s signature 

sides: deep fried onion strings, sliced cherry 

tomatoes and potato wedges. These dishes 

are $14 and $22, respectively. 

Desserts are mostly clever twists on 

classic favorites. The best is the Symphony 

Chocolate Crisp Cake with Häagen-Dazs 

Vanilla Ice Cream (pictured); it’s truly 

gorgeous with whipped cream concealed 

beneath a scoop of ice cream. The crunchy 

chocolate cake holds a rich, buttery fl avor. 

Cocktails, anyone? Regardless of what you 

try you’ll be impressed with the quality and 

precision of the mix. The St. Germain and 

Original Pimm’s Cup are faves. They may 

have a reason for their much discussed 

petite sizing, but frankly, we long for larger 

glasses. 

The day’s of Hanny’s as a haberdashery 

are long gone, but you can still “tie” one on. 

There are no more fi res to quench, but we’re 

sure Hanny’s is destined to become a blazing 

success once more. 

Hanny’s 

40 N. First St., Phoenix, AZ 85004 

(602) 252-2285 

www. Hannys.net 

Mon-Fri: 11 a.m. to 1:30 a.m. 

Sat-Sun: 5:00 pm to 1:30 am 

Kitchen cooks until 1a.m. everyday 

Are you 

our friend? 

1300+ 

Over 1300 friends and 

growing. Join the fun! 

Go to www.ionaz.com for 

a link to our Facebook 

and MySpace! 


VIP 

SAVINGS 

RESTAURANTS / BARS / EVENTS 

FORBIDDEN $5 Forbidden Martini ANYTIME! 

BAR 1 Select Half Price Drinks on Sunday 

ION ARIZONA MAGAZINE $10 OFF Splash Bash cover 

INCOGNITO 2 for the price of 1 all drinks 

WILD CARD 15% OFF Food Purchase 

(excludes Happy Hour appetizers) 

Z PIZZA 10% OFF 

SERVICES 

BOXER’S MEN’S SALON FREE haircut by Adrian only 

(First time customers only) 

20% OFF all services with Adrian 

ENCANTO FAMILY DENTISTRY 10% OFF any dental procedure 

(Excludes Zoom! teeth whitening) 

FAST SIGNS ON CENTRAL 20% OFF (in-store products) 

LOS OLIVOS HAND CAR WASH $2 OFF any car wash 

15% OFF complete detail 

OPEN WIDE DENTAL $50 OFF new clients 

SEMONE ROCHLIN, D.O. $500 OFF ALL Surgical Procedures 

RETAIL 

DRAGONFLY BOUTIQUE 10% OFF 

GREEN WOODPECKER 10% OFF Flowers 

(excludes tax and delivery charges) 

10% OFF Merchandise non-sale 

(excluding food, drinks and cards) 

ROOT SELLER 15% OFF Merchandise 

(excludes books, music, DVDs, 

supplements & consignment art) 

UNIQUE URBAN BOUTIQUE 10% OFF Merchandise 

(excludes books, music, DVDs) 

HOTELS 

BLUE MOON RESORT - VEGAS Buy two nights get 3 nights 

CLARENDON HOTEL 10% any room type booking 

DOUBLETREE HOTEL - TUCSON 10% any room type booking 

Must book directly with the hotel. 

Certain black-out dates and some restrictions may apply. 

Offer based upon availability. 

ADULT* 

ADULT SHOPPE 20% OFF Merchandise 

FASCINATIONS 15% OFF merchandise 

DICK’S CABARET $5 OFF admission (mon-thurs) 

$5 OFF wristband (mon-sat) 

SECRETS 20% OFF Merchandise* 

*Must be 18 or older. Excludes rentals. 

In-store purchases only 

MORE TO COME!!! 

©2009 COORS BREWING COMPANY 

Some restrictions apply. See store for details. 

 

62 WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2009 Not valid with any other offer or sale items. 


Photos - Don Thompson | Words - Deon Brown 

Products available at Oliver & Annie 

Our pets never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself 

and keep up the appearance of actually being interested in the conversation. That’s why 

we love them. Their unconditional love provides us with a role model for being alive. 

But don’t accept your pet’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you’re wonderful; it 

gives you something to strive for. This month ION spotlights members 

of our community and their special pet friends. 

64 August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 

This month’s loveable “cover dog,” Roxy, 

an Australian Cattle Dog discovered 

Felipe and Casey in the town of Sonoita. 

Now she lives in Tucson where she is endlessly 

entertained by her two human pets.

Money will buy you a dog, but not the wag of his 

tail. But for collars, treats, and everything else, 

ask Chris. His quality pet supply store on Central 

Avenue is named for his pooches. (602) 264-8188 

“My little dog. The heartbeat at my feet.” Deon is the 

editor for ION magazine. His goal in life is to be as 

wonderful as Mabel thinks he is. Wag more. Bark less. 



¡Ay, ay, ay! This Chihuahua calls the shots around 

this house, that’s for sure. Adrian is a genius 

with a scissors and comb at Boxer’s Men’s Salon! 

“A dog is the only thing on earth that will 

love you more than you love yourself.” 

But triple threat model/make-up artist/ 

hair stylist Jessica Joseph and her partner, 


Courtney Penniman, Founder & CEO of the 

Stonewall Institute share even more of 

that love with their dog, Dylan. 

Thousands of years ago cats were 

worshipped as gods. Tigger has 

never forgotten this. So Falcon 

model Tyler knows his purpose 

in life. 

July 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69

...met when Logan (12) & Gordon (8) were just puppies. Logan 

was a pound puppy, and Gordon was adopted outside his namesake, 

Gordon Biersch, from a homeless man. 

Thommy & Joey are the owners of Open Wide 

Dental and live in North Phoenix. 

Mighty Pug, Sampson, believes he’s a Goliath. If 

you need personalized in-home pet care Virginia 

can help! Check out her Desert Dog Pet Care or visit 

www.MyDesertDog.com (602) 538-5486 



If Heaven went by favor only dogs would 

get in. Adam is a popular waiter at Maizie’s 

and Otto owns and operates a horse 

ranch. Lucky dogs! 

And so are Nadia 

and Sydney! 

Cat’s are intended to teach us that not everything 

in nature has a purpose. Doug 

works at American Express 

and Robbie can be found 

at the University of Advancing 

Technology. After 

13 years together, their 

sole function in life now is 

to admire and feed Disco and 

Blixx. At least that’s what the 

cats think. They may be right. 

If you start thinking you’re a person of 

some influence, try ordering somebody 

else’s dog around. But Gary Guerin, the 

influential powerhouse behind SWAY 

Events’ and his hardworking and devoted 

team lend their talents to some 

of the best and brightest events they 

stage for the GLBT community’s 

fundraising efforts and everybody’s 

entertainment. Heck, 

Gary even entertains his Jack 

Russell Terrier, Sketch. Now 

how many people can claim 

that? 

Dogs have more friends than people 

because they wag their tails, not 

their tongues. But Craig and 

Crouton both have 

more friends than 

you can count. If 

you don’t believe it, 

check Facebook. 




PETS AND THE CITY - ADOPT YOUR PET 

There are many ways for you to adopt a pet friend. 

You can help save our animal friends’ lives and make 

them happy when you open up your heart and home. 

Mutts, purebreds, retired Greyhounds, rabbits and 

other critters are waiting for you and need you. Below 

is a list of just a few places you can search to find the 

perfect pet friend. 

A great clearinghouse is Adopt-A-Pet. Visit www. 

adoptapet.com and you’ll find a wagging tail and a wet 

nose who’ll love you unconditionally. 

METRO PHOENIX 

Arizona Animal Welfare League 

30 North 40th Place - Phoenix 

602-273-6852 

www.aawl.org 

Arizona Humane Society 

1311 West Hatcher Road - Phoenix 

602-997-7585 

Arizona Humane Society 

1521 West Dobbins Road - Phoenix 

602-997-7585 

HALO Animal Rescue 

5231 North 35th Avenue - Phoenix 

602-971-9222 

www.halorescue.org 

Animals Benefit Club of AZ 

3111 St. John Rd. - Phoenix 

602-867-2169 

www.animalsbenefitclub.com 

Lost Our Home Pet Foundation 

16211 N. Scottsdale Rd. A6A #276 

www.lostourhome.org 

Arizona Rescue 

480-598-9410 

www.azrescue.org 

TUCSON AREA 

Center for Animal Rescue & 

Adoption 

520-237-2331 

www.savemoreanimals.com 

Humane Society of So. AZ 

3450 N. Kelvin Blvd. 

520-327-6088 

www.hssaz.org 

Animal League of Green Valley 

1600 W. Duval Mine Rd. 

520-625-3170 

www.talgv.org 

Maricopa Cty. Animal Care & 

Control 

2300 South 27th Avenue - Phoenix 

602-506-7387 

2630 West 8th Street - Mesa 

602-506-7387 


AUGUST 2009 Vol. 3, Issue 5 

 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

Unfair and unbalanced. We decide. 

 

Jackson Death Faked! 

Working In Detroit Diner 

DETROIT, 

Michigan 

– 

Legendary King 

of Pop Michael 

Jackson has 

been discovered 

alive and well, 

working in 

Hamtramack, 

a decaying 

community 

near Detroit, 

Michigan. 

Rumors of 

his death this 

past July have 

been greatly 

exaggerated. 

 

Jackson is currently employed as a busboy 

at the Dead Celebrity Kozy Kafé where 

he works with short order cook Elvis 

Presley, the late King of Rock ‘n’ Roll, 

whose death was also faked in August, 

1977, when he was discovered “dead” 

on the toilet. Since then Presley has been 

spotted working at Burger King and other 

fast food restaurants in the Michigan 

area. Jackson had a sham marriage with 

Presley’s daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, 

 

 

who recommended him for the job. 

Other dead 

celebrities 

frequenting 

the seedy diner 

include 1950s 

angst-filled teen 

matinee idol, 

James Dean 

and sex kitten, 

blonde bombshell 

Marilyn Monroe. 

Both celebrities 

lives were 

reportedly cut 

tragically short, 

but were actually 

staged. 

Filmdom’s 

gangster and diner nighthawk Humphrey 

Bogart, manager, whose death from cancer 

in 1957 was falsified told reporters, “Of all 

the gin joints in all the world, they had to 

walk into mine. But Elvis makes a pretty 

good egg salad sandwich. We’ll see how the 

Jackson kid works out.” 

Anna Nicole Smith, a hostess, said, 

“Sometimes they report celebrities as being 

dead. But they just come to work here in 

Hamtramack. I’m not sure which is worse.” 

 


Pope Breaks Wrist; 

Still Able To Not 

Masturbate 

 

 

 

 

VATICAN CITY — Pope Benedict’s recent 

fall fracturing his old, brittle wrist has not 

prevented the 82-year-old pontiff from 

actively not masturbating. 

 

The Pope broke his right wrist when he 

slipped in the bathroom while on vacation in 

Alpine vacation chalet. 

 

“His Holiness is recovering nicely,” said boys, priests and Cardinals in the privacy of 

one anonymous representative speaking 

on behalf of the Holy See in Rome. “He is 

gaining more mobility in his wrist and will 

able to resume playing piano with proper 

rehabilitation. The Vatican, however, would 

like to confirm that after intense scrutiny and 

many attempts on the Holy Father’s part, he 

is not masturbating. He will probably be able 

to not masturbate ever again. Not that he 

The Vatican has long imposed a strict 

prohibition on auto-erotic self-manipulation. 

The Vatican’s Chief Grand Inquisitor of 

Corporal Gratification, Cardinal Dontuccha 

da Pipi issued a statement. “We guarantee 

that Il Papa has not pleasured himself by 

touching his most holy naughty bits. Unable 

to turn the pages of his Bible, he has been 

read scripture and the Gospel by many altar 

the Papal Bedroom late at night. But he has 

been actively not masturbating himself.” 

Although the Pope’s wrist strengthens 

every day, the Vatican infirmary reports an 

increased number of incidents of Carpal 

Tunnel Syndrome dislocated jaws and TMJ 

being diagnosed. 

 

ever did. Popes don’t do that.” 

 


Progressive Insurance 

No Help to Amish 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LANCASTER, Penn. — Deep in the heart I wrote Progressive a letter and gave it to 

of Pennsylvania Dutch Country, the big Ezekiel, who will take it to the postmaster, 

haired, heavy lipstick and eyeliner of the who will take it to this she-devil, Flo.” 

good-hearted Flo, TV spokesperson for 

Progressive Insurance Company holds no Executives in corporate headquarters in 

place in the life of the Amish. 

Mayfield, Ohio, are perplexed. “We insure 

automobiles, motorcycles, RVs, and so forth. 

But never before has anybody asked us to 

insure their butter churn or mangle. What in 

the hell’s a mangle, anyway?” 

 

“We heard about this concept of ‘insurance’ 

but so far it’s been of no help,” said 

Zebediah Armstrong, a wheelwright. “The 

other day I was in my buggy down by the 

Old Mill Stream when my mare, Jezebel, 

 

threw a shoe. I was instructed to call an 800 

number. Is that the mark of The Beast? Is 

it like 666? Insurance is Satan’s work! But 

Future Progressive Insurance commercials 

will feature Flo at an egg incubator with 

silhouettes of Amish, since photography 

steals their spirit. 

 


dating 

check 

list 

Mouthwash? 

Check! Directions? Check! Sense of 

humor? Check! Good things to remember, 

but let’s review a different checklist. 

The mental checklist. The one you prepare 

when interviewing someone for a job or 

a potential relationship. The questions 

and answers you’ll want to consider when 

determining if your date might lead to 

something more. You don’t need all the 

answers on your fi rst date, but it’s good to 

have some idea of what you’re looking at 

going in. 

Why? There’s a time in every relationship 

where you reach a crossroad. It’s that time 

where you’re faced with the inevitable 

something that bugs you about the person 

you’re with. And that’s when you ask the 

questions. What do I like? What can I 

tolerate? And what is a deal breaker? 

Everyone has a different checklist. Some 

of the questions are universal. Some are 

specifi c to your likes, dislikes, wants and 

needs. To get you started here are a few 

questions you might want to add to your 

checklist. 

IS THERE CHEMISTRY? 

Not necessarily in the sack, but a steady, 

fl irtatious vibe between the two of you. 

DO YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME 

TOGETHER? 

Do you look forward to spending time with 

your date? 

DO YOU WANT THE SAME THINGS 

OUT OF LIFE? 

Career direction, cities you want to live in, 

children, and pets come to mind. 

DO YOU GET ALONG IN EACH 

OTHER’S SOCIAL 

CIRCLE? 

You don’t have to like all their friends, but 

the ability to socialize without throwing 

their friends off of a bridge is a good test. 

IS EDUCATION IMPORTANT? 

High school drop out, trade school 

graduate, or doctorate from Harvard? 

WHAT ARE THEIR FAMILY 

RELATIONSHIPS LIKE? 

You can tell a lot about what a person will 

be like as a partner by watching how they 

interact with their family. Pay attention. 

DO OPPOSITES ATTRACT? 

Sometimes opposites attract, but 

sometimes an introverted person who 

likes to stay home with the Tivo and an 

extroverted person who’s the life of the 

party, do not make a match in heaven. 

IS AGE IMPORTANT? 

To some it’s just a number. To others 

it matters. Decide on this one early. 

Someone who’s too old for you now is only 

going to get older. And if you have trouble 

keeping up with the young one’s now, 

what’s going to happen as you get older? 

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN 

COMMON? 

You don’t have to do everything together. 

But doing what you enjoy alone gets 

boring fast. 

IS RELIGION IMPORTANT? 

Religion can be a big issue. If you’re 

Christian and your date is an Atheist it 

could be a major deal breaker. It’s best to 

be honest early before you fall in love and 

it becomes a big issue later. 

DO THEY MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD 

ABOUT YOURSELF? 

A partner should compliment you and lift 

you up, not get you down. 

ARE THEY HONEST AND 

TRUSTWORTHY? 

Honesty is a huge issue for most people. 

Someone who starts with little white lies 

(age, education, where they grew up) is 

usually hiding bigger lies down the road. 

DO THEY GET YOU? 

Can they tell what makes you sad, what 

makes you happy, what makes you laugh 

– or are they clueless about who you are? 

ARE YOU SEXUALLY 

COMPATIBLE? 

Once you make it into the bedroom, it’s 

essential that you have some compatibility. 

Don’t think that things will get better with 

time. They usually don’t. One of the main 

causes of relationship breakups is sexual 

incompatibility. 

ARE THEY SERIOUS ABOUT 

BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP? 

If you meet online, check out their profi le. 

Are they looking for “the one to spend 

the rest of their lives with” or “a one night 

stand with no strings.” Don’t try to mold 

someone into wanting what you want. It 

won’t work. 

Some of these checklist questions may 

be essential others may not. As a basis to 

start from, this is a good beginning. 

Post your online 

or voicemail profi le for 

FREE on Megamates and 

Gaymates. 

Our phone dating line and online 

dating website offer singles a fun, 

interactive place to call, chat, and 

connect. It’s free to setup and maintain a 

mailbox or online account, free to record 

a public message and free to browse other 

caller’s profi les and messages. Call 1-888- 

MEGAMATES, use FREE code 7286 or 

visit us online at www.megamates.com. 

© 2008 Progressive Computing LLC 




1. 

2. 

3. 

4. 

5. 

6. 

7. 

8. 

IONPHOENIX 

Amsterdam 718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix (602) 258-6122 

Apollo’s 5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 277-9373 

Bar Bar 1 1 3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix (602) 266-9001 

BS BS West 7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale (480) 945-9028 

Bunkhouse 4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 200-9154 

Cash Inn Inn 2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 244-9943 

Charlie’s 727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix (602) 265-0224 

Cherry Bar 1028 E. Indian School Rd. -- Phoenix (602) 277-7729 

9. 

Cherry Lounge 

Every Thursday at starting 9pm on January Mill Ave. 11th in - Tempe Mill Ave. in Tempe 

10. 

C 

11. 

11. 12. 

12. 13. 

13. 14. 

14. 15. 

15. 16. 

16. 17. 

17. 18. 

18. 19. 

19. 20. 

20. 21. 

21. 22. 

22. 23. 

23. 24. 

24. 

25. 

26. 

27. 

28. 

29. 

30. 

The The Chute Men’s Club 1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 234-1654 

Clarendon Club Vibe Hotel 3031 401 W. E. Clarendon Indian School Ave. Rd. - - Phoenix (602) CLARENDON 224-9977 

Club Cruisin’ Vibe 7th 3702 3031 N. E. Indian 7th St. School - Phoenix Rd. - Phoenix (602) 212-9888 224-9977 

Cruisin’ Dick’s 7th Cabaret 3432 3702 E. N. Illini 7th St. Rd. - - Phoenix (602) 274-DICK 212-9888 

Dick’s Cabaret II 2438 3432 E. McDowell Illini Rd. - - Phoenix (602) 437-DICK 274-DICK 

The Flex Door Private Men’s Club 1517 1126 S N. Black Scottsdale Canyon Rd. Hwy - Tempe - Phoenix (480) (602) 967-DOOR 271-9011 

Forbidden 6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale forbiddenaz.com 

Homme 138 W. Camelback Rd. -- Phoenix (602) 266-0875 

icepics videobar 3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 267-8707 

Incognito 2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix (602) 955-9805 

Karamba 1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 254-0231 

Kobalt 3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix (602) 264-5307 

OZ OZ 1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114 

Plazma 1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix (602) 266-0477 

Pumphouse II II 4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 275-3509 

Retro Radisson Bar Phoenix City Center 3600 3114 N. E. 2nd Cactus Ave. Rd. - Phoenix - (602) 604-4900 493-0355 

The Rainbow Rock Cactus 15615 4129 N. N. 7th Cave Ave. Creek - Phoenix Rd. - Phoenix (602) 867-2463 248-8559 

Roscoe’s The Rock 4129 4531 N. 7th Ave. St. -- Phoenix (602) 285-0833 248-8559 

Rainbow Roscoe’s Cactus 4531 15615 N. N. 7th Cave St. Creek - Phoenix Rd. - Phoenix (602) 285-0833 867-2463 

Velocity 2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 956-2885 

Wild Card 801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler (480) 857-3088 

Z Z Girl Girl Club 4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 265-3233 



IONBAR GUIDE 

PHOENIX 

Amsterdam 

Apollo’s* 

Bar 1 

BS West* 

Charlie’s 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cherry Lounge 

Club Mijo 

Dick’s Cabaret 

Dick’s II 

FEZ 

Forbidden 

icepics 

Incognito 

The Leathermen 

Maizie’s 

Mi Patio 

Karamba 

Pumphouse II 

Roscoe’s* 

Switch 

Ticoz 

Wild Card 

TUCSON 

Woody’s 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Discount Cab: 602-200-2000 

Yellow Cab: 602-252-5252 

AAA Cab: 602-437-4000 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IF IT’S NOT IN, IT’S NOT HAPPENING! 


IONTUCSON 

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 

1 Ain’t Nobody’s Biz 2900 E. Broadway (520) 318-4838 

2 Colors 5305 E. Speedway (520) 323-1840 

3 Howl at the Moon 915 W. Prince Rd. (520) 293-7339 

4 IBT’s 616 N. 4th Ave. (520) 882-3053 

5 Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant 5900 N. Oracle Rd. (520) 887-3777 

6 Venture-N 1239 N. 6th Ave. (520) 882-8224 

7 Woody’s 3710 N. Oracle Rd. (520) 292-6702 

8 Yard Dog 2449 N. Stone (520) 624-3858 

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 

1 Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park 445 S. Alvernon Way (520) 881-4200 

2 Embassy Suites 5335 E. Broadway Blvd. (520) 745-2700 

3 La Posada Lodge and Casitas 5900 N. Oracle Rd. (520) 887-4800 

4 Royal Elizabeth B&B 204 S. Scott Ave. (877) 670-9022 

5 The Westin La Paloma 3800 E. Sunrise Dr. (520) 742-6000 


MEAT FRIDAYS 



y Addison DeWitt 

We move into 

the dog days of summer 

hoping for some brief respite from the 

heat and the bad new in the obituaries. 

This summer fl ies have been dropping like 

celebrities. 

It’s a sad day for bachelors in Phoenix. 

Word on the street is that sexpot of the 

century David Kitchen is taking his hot 

little “cucina” is off the market, pumpkins. 

Again! Frankly, dearies, my heart is 

broken. Cutie-pie Kitchen is slated to be 

“committed” this upcoming Valentine’s 

Day, 2010, in Sedona, probably in one 

a spiritual vortex by a shaman or 

some kind of New Age witch 

doctor. Well, he needs to 

be committed all right! 

So make sure your 

chakras, aura and 

biorhythms are all in 

alignment, honey. If 

you need me to act 

as Oracle and wave 

any smudge sticks 

around and burn some 

incense to bless your 

union, just let me know. 

I’m also happy to spend 

time with you in a sweat lodge 

for a little bit of “Ass”tral Plane 

Travel before the happy day, FYI. 

Check out the increasingly glamorous new 

patio at Bar1, featuring pass through bar 

service. Designed by noted world famous 

architect Frank Gehry, it’s appealing and 

it’s so nice to be able to step outside and 

have a breath of nice, clean, fresh air while 

you’re fi ring up a healthy cigarette. [Noted 

world famous architect Frank Gehry did 

not design the patio. But it sure sounds 

good! — Ed.] 

Rumor had it that Bar1tender Scott Stowe 

had a new boyfriend named Eric. Yes, 

that’s two hads. Had had. And that’s how 

Scott introduced him to me one Saturday 

night. He said — and I quote, “This is 

my new boyfriend, Eric.” End quote. But 

apparently after a long-term relationship 

of one week it was over because Scott 

informed me that he was single and 

looking and that he’ll move in any 

boyfriend faster than a Lesbian with a U- 

Haul should Mr. Right (Now) come along. 

Applications now being accepted. 

On the Political Front — and I know that’s 

why you read this column — is it true that 

former ASU Sigma Nu fraternity “House 

Mom” Neil Giuliano is tossing his Bendel 

bonnet into the ring for Arizona’s 

next governor? And as a 

Democrat — fi nally? 

Looks like the former 

Man from GLAAD will 

be duking it out with 

Attorney General 

Terry “The Doofus” 

Goddard for the 

nomination. I think 

a Pillsbury Bake-Off 

might be a good test. 

Stay tuned for details. 

Tough times call for tough 

measures. Councilman/Vice 

Mayor Tom Simplot was pounding 

the pavement and cadging for campaign 

contributions in the horrible, awful, dreary 

city of San Francisco and suffering through 

unbearably dull cocktail parties to help 

fund his campaign for re-election. Seems 

that a number of Phoenix ex-pats like that 

obscure object of my desire, Christopher 

Vasquez, and an assortment of louche 

“remittance men” [that means their family 

paid them to leave for some scandalous 

reason. — Ed.] who love their hometown 

so much they apparently can’t stand to live 

here anymore banded together in Sodom 

by the Bay and broke out the Rice-a-Roni 

[“The San Francsico Treat!” — Ed.] and 


the best 

muscatel quarters 

can buy to help keep the Honorable Tom 

in offi ce. Look for Tom, coming to a 

city near you! Today, ‘Frisco 

— tomorrow, Schenectady! 

If you’d care to make a 

contribution to a campaign 

of another sort, I highly 

recommend a visit to the 

leaders of tomorrow 

at the new McDowell 

Road location of 

Dick’s Cabaret II— the #1 

male revue in the WORLD! 

In case you don’t believe 

me, it says so, right on 

the sign outside. And, 

my dears, my dears! 

If those boys were 

politicians 

they could take their polls and stick 

‘em in my ballot box anytime. Tell Freakk 

the doorman I sent you. 

Our Party Penguin of the Month is that 

wild and untamed James Silva. This 

uninhibited, unabashed, unrestrained 

and un-just about everything rogueabout-town 

has set the bar for 

screwball, anything-goes, rascally, 

Oh-My-God-I-Can’t-Believe-He’s- 

Doing-That-(Again!) 

antics. And that’s why 

we love him. We do love 

him, don’t we? Well, don’t 

we? [We do. — Ed.] 

You can report on your own 

louche hijinx and get even 

with your friends by reporting 

everything to Addison DeWitt at 

RumorHound@aol.com 

98 WWW.IONAZ.COM August 2009 

99 


Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 

We can’t put our fi nger on what makes you so 

bewitching and beguiling. But there’s a Capricorn 

out there that would love to put his or her fi nger 

somewhere! Just make sure you put a ring on 

it, fi rst. We have a hunch this one might be the 

Real McCoy. 

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20 

Why buy the cow when the milk’s free? Listen, 

little heifer, time to quite being so free and sleazy. 

Assign a dollar value to everything you do. 

Everything. You’ll be surprised that just being you 

commands top dollar. And I do mean “top.” Ask 

any Gemini.. 

Gemini May 21 - June 21 

You’re creating a heat wave all on your own. 

Your animal magnetism is has everybody’s 

pheromones at the boiling point. Why? Just 

because you’re you. You’re not nearly as 

effective when you’re trying to be Madonna. Now 

heat up the Easy Bake Oven and invite a Pisces 

over for a fi sh fry. 

Cancer June 22 - July 22 

Mom was right. Eat your vegetables. Take your 

vitamins. Get plenty of rest. So stop burning your 

candle at both ends this month and you won’t 

be so “crabby.” Relax. Put your feet up. Have 

a slumber party with a sexy Aries, Scorpio and 

Aquarius. You’ll be surprised what happens when 

you play Spin-The-Bottle. 

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22 

What’s new, pussycat? August is your month to 

prove who’s king – or queen – of the jungle. Well, 

savannah, if you want to get technical. You might 

say that you’re the “mane” attraction. So take 

“pride” in what you do, puss. Eat your Friskies 

and roar for a special Gemini. 

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sept. 22 

Take some time to admire God’s handiwork. Or 

Buddha’s. Or Allah’s. Or some Higher Power’s, 

for crying out loud. It didn’t just get there by itself. 

Take some time to stop and smell the roses. You 

just might fi nd a Taurus that has a few questions 

about the Universe you can answer. 

Libra Sept. 23 - Oct. 22 

When you smile it’s breathtaking. And not just 

because of the Crest Whitestrips® either. You 

can use your power for good – or evil – this 

month. That’s just how much mojo you have. Go 

for good. The guy in the white hat always wins. 

Besides that, Aries and Capricorns totally dig 

‘em. Did you ever see the Lone Ranger lose? 

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov. 23 

Your scorpion-tough exoskeleton protects you 

from the gritty things in Life bombarding you 

this month. But under that armor-like carapace 

beats a soft, mushy, heart of gold. Just like any 

other arthropod. Check out red star Antares, the 

Heart of the Scorpion in low southern skies this 

summer. Extra sexy! 

Sagittarius Nov. 23-Dec. 23 

You’re blindly optimistic, and that doesn’t help 

when you carry a bow and arrow, horseydude. 

Take a minute and exercise some tact you’re 

known to lack and your honest, good nature will 

come through. Then shoot if you still want to. But 

avoid hitting a Libra. And don’t get caught. 

Capricorn Dec. 23- Jan. 20 

You’re one of the reigning sex symbols this 

month. And you smell pretty good, too, all 

wrapped up in with an big, star-spangled, 

astrological bow of charisma. Say “Yes” to 

everyone who wants to be your friend on 

Facebook. You’ll be glad you did when a Leo 

asks. 

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 

This month is a good one to give up at least one 

of your vices. We’ll let you choose which one. 

But consider giving up cigarettes, shoes, oriental 

rugs or talking smack about your friends. Keep 

the porn, however. Complimenting a Cancer and 

a Leo is in your favor. 

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 

Pinch yourself! You must be dreaming! No, 

everything really is just that good. You’ve got 

some kind of planetary kismet on your side. 

Throw caution to the wind! Take a risk – it’ll pay 

off. Unexpectedly kiss someone on the lips. An 

Aquarius kisses you back. Twice.

98 August 2009.indd - Ion AZ

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?