OUTRAGEOUS! - ION Arizona Magazine

March 2010 www.IONAZ.cOm 1

4 www.IONAZ.cOm March 2010 March 2010 www.IONAZ.cOm 5




12 www.IONAZ.cOm March 2010

QUEEN OF THE DESERT PAGEANT 

T H E R O C K 

Photos by Carlos Silvo 


SUPER BOwl PARTy 

M O R E P I C T U R E S A T I O N A Z . C O M 

Photos by Mike Chesworth 


New Partnerships. 

New Beginnings. Better Community. 

They say it’s never too late to get 

a fresh start. I couldn’t agree more. 

Today is a new beginning. 

I’m the first to admit that we’ve made 

some mistakes in the last 8 1/2 years 

we have been publishing ION. I apologize. 

Every issue of ION is a positive 

learning experience for myself and our 

staff. In any business, difficult decisions 

have to be made. Sometimes feelings 

get hurt. Business evolves. But the ultimate 

goal remains the same: to create 

the best GLBT magazine for you that 

we can. That, I don’t apologize for. 

One of my new goals for the future is to 

work together with other individuals and 

organizations to help grow our community 

during these tough times. One 

of the great results of our merger with 

Heatstroke News is that now we can 

work together with their staff, advertisers 

and consolidate our resources. 

We invite all publications, promotion 

companies, GLBT businesses and gayfriendly 

companies to work together. 

Here a some of the changes you’ll see 

in the months to come: 

• We have added 80 new 24-hour 

street distribution locations bringing our 

total to over 200 locations. 

• This spring we will launch the new 

MyHeatstroke.com. All the news, laughter, 

drama you always loved and more! 

• We’re planning the biggest Splash 

Bash ever. Stay tuned for more details. 

• ION Arizona is a sponsor of the Devoured 

Culinary Classic at the Phoenix 

Art Museum on March 13 -14. See the 

feature on page 54. 

• ION Arizona is the exclusive local 

media and a Hail Mary Sponsor for the 

2010 Gay Bowl X this October 

We invite all of you to join ION Arizona 

at the Arizona Renaissance Festival’s 

Gay Day 2010 on March 7th. For one 

day, we all speak Olde English, eat 

huge turkey drumsticks, and participate 

in games and shows you won’t see 

any where else. I guarantee it’s the 

most fun you will ever have in Apache 

Junction. 

This is a great issue! We have the 

sexiest bartenders, all the St. Patrick 

Day parties, a hilarious interview with 

“weblebrities” Jessica and Hunter as 

well as an expanded Dining Out section 

featuring Devoured and the Roscoe’s 

Chili Bowl cook-off. 

Next month is our expanded Phoenix 

Pride issue that, for the first time ever, 

will include the actual Phoenix Pride 

Program. Make no mistake about it. 

ION Arizona is here for you. Promise! 

Jack Tesorero 

Publisher 


3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 

www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com 

PublIsher / FOuNDer 

Jack M. Tesorero - Ext. 5 ........... jacktesorero@me.com 

FuN DIrecTOr 

Bill Knoop .............................................. (602) 301-8457 

creATIVe DIrecTOr 

Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com 

eDITOr AND TYPIsT 

Deon Brown - Ext. 3 .................. ionazeditor@me.com 

PrODucTION AssIsTANT 

Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com 

GrAPhIc DesIGNer 

Brock Miles ......................... ionazproduction@me.com 

PrODucTION & ArTwOrk submIssIONs 

ionazproduction@me.com 

ADVerTIsING sAles 

Jorge Suarez, Ext 2 ..................... ionazsales@me.com 

Jerry O’Conner 

Carlos Silvo 

PhOTOGrAPhers: 

NATIONAl ADVerTIsING rePreseNTATIVe 

Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 

Wes Bergman 

Addison DeWitt 

Jackson David Kelly 

Peter Lora 

cONTrIbuTOrs: 

Don Thompson 

Michael Chesworth 

Justin Gonzales 

Ted Kirby 

Kim Ruff 

Paul Sanchez 

To Grow your BusiNess, 

Call (602) 308-4662 exT 2 

Published monthly by 

© 2010 Tesorero Omni Media a JMT Designs, Inc. company 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA 

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine 

remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, 

altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. 

Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. 

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily 

reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its 

parent company. 

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or 

organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as 

any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or 

organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed 

and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some 

photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, 

they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to 

reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call 

us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. 

All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are 

published with the understanding that the advertisers are 

fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the 

use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, 

and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of 

such content. 

1995-2010: 15 Years of Design and Creative Excellence 


oi Toi 

To infinity, and beyond! Who said you were too 

old to play with toys? Come play every Thursday 

Night at Sky Lounge. It is 18+ all night, 21+ to drink, so all the kids can come play no 

matter what their bed time is. And with all the playing going on, just think, you may even 

find a new friend to build a fort with, or play hide and go seek! Every Thursday night 

at Sky Lounge. 132 E. Washington St., Phoenix. For more info visit 

boitoient.com 

malice in wonderland 

One pill makes you larger and the other makes you 

small, the one your mother gives you don’t do anything 

at all. Forget the pills and head on down the rabbit hole 

to BS West on Saturday March 13 for their Malice in 

Wonderland Party. With 2-4-1 drinks all night long it might 

be hard to remember what the dormouse said...drink your 

head! 7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale. For more info call 480- 

945-9028. 

less barking, more wagging 

Who you calling a Bitch? Oh you’re dog, OK! Head on over to Apollo’s 

with man’s best friend on Sunday March 28 for Less Barking More 

Wagging. The lovely Barbara Seville presents this fundraiser for 

the Arizona Cocker Rescue. From 2 p.m. - 8 p.m. there’s a meet 

and sniff for all the dogs, gourmet treats, an auction, and an 

adopt-a-dog pet show! Later in the night there is a drag show 

with Mimi the One-Eyed Wonder Dog! With all the barkin’ 

going on at Apollo’s, people will be wondering “who let the 

dogs out?!” 5749 N/ 7th St., Phoenix. For more info visit 

apollos.com 

22 www.IONAZ.cOm February 2010 

The hose 

Some call it brunch, some call it 

an excuse to drink copious amounts 

of adult beverages in the middle of the day without the 

risk of getting judged, and some call it a Tea Dance. 

Head on over to The Rock on Sunday March 28 for their 

monthly Tea Dance. The Hose, which takes place on the 

last Sunday of every month is giving you ample reasons to 

indulge in a little hair of the dog with $3 margaritas, mimosas, 

and bloody mary’s. The Hose goes from 1 p.m. - 6 p.m., so 

don’t worry, you’ll be home before dark. 4129 N. 7th Ave., 

Phoenix. For more info visit therockdmphoenix.com 

he’s a rebel 

Britney who? Calling all rock 

stars, this party is for you! Rock 

and roll on over to icepics 

videobar March 30 (and the 

last Tuesday of every month) 

for He’s a Rebel! The DJ’s 

will be spinning Punk, New 

Wave, Rock & Roll and there 

is a $0.50 beer bust with Bud 

Light Drafts to quench your 

thirst. This dance party will 

be so much fun it will make 

you wanna rock & roll all night, 

and party everyday. 3108 E. 

McDowell Rd., Phoenix. For more 

info visit icepicsvideobar.com 

marCh 2010 ION EVENTS LISTINGS 

DaTe eVeNT & loCaTioN CiTy 

Check out bar and nightclub ads in this issue for daily & weekly specials! 

2 Mustache Ride at icepics (monthly- First Tuesday) Phoenix 

Weds. Karamba’s Got Talent (weekly) Phoenix 

4-7 Southwest Leather Pride - Velocity, Apollo’s & More Phoenix 

Thurs. Boi Toi at Sky Lounge (weekly) Phoenix 

7 Oscar Viewing Party / SNATCH at icepics Phoenix 

7 Oscar Party at Forbidden Scottsdale 

7 A Red Carpet Affair - Oscar Party at Amsterdam Phoenix 

13 Malice in Wonderland at BS West Scottsdale 

13 Cactus Cities’ Chili Cookoff at Roscoe’s Phoenix 

13-14 Devoured Culinary Classic Phoenix Art Museum 

17 Johnny Mc’s Reunion at Apollo’s Phoenix 

17 St. Patrick’s Day Celebrations Everywhere Phoenix 

18 Inferno TOGA Party at Forbidden Scottsdale 

19-20 Spring Fling Party at Dick’s Cabaret Phoenix 

20 Black Out Party IV at BS West Scottsdale 

21 Mike’s B’day Bash at The Rock Phoenix 

25 Sports Party at Karamba Phoenix 

26 Alice in Wonderland GLOW Party at Forbidden Scottsdale 

28 The Hose at The Rock (Monthly - Last Sunday) Phoenix 

30 He’s a Rebel at icepics (Monthly - Last Tuesday) Phoenix 

31 Dottie’s Farewell Party at Cruisin’ 7th Phoenix 

February 2010 www.IONAZ.cOm 23

art Detour 

“I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like.” We hear 

it all the time. Art Detour is a two-day, self-guided tour of artist 

studios and other art spaces in downtown Phoenix organized by 

Artlink, Inc. in cooperation with the participating venues. It’s a great 

way to see new, emerging artists, see downtown, and have fun! And it’s 

FREE! March 6-7. Visit www.ArtlinkPhoenix.com for more info. 

24 www.IONAZ.cOm March 2010 

Great arizona Beer Festival 

Hey, guys! Want some great head? Who doesn’t!? So hit the 

Great Arizona Beer Festival March 6-7 at Tempe Beach Park. 

With a paid admission you can sample up to 40 delicious microbrewed 

and specialty craft beers. Enjoy food, music, games, 

contests and more! But no Beer Pong. 

For tix visit AZbeer.com/tempe. 21+ only. 

Devoured Culinary Classic 

A famous queen said, “Let ‘em eat cake.” And so did Marie Antoinette. 

Have your cake – along with various other delicacies – and 

eat it, too, at Devoured: Phx Culinary Classic. A plethora of local 

restaurateurs, chefs, and other inventive local eateries show you 

the way to a man’s – and woman’s – heart is through their stomach. 

It all happens at the Phoenix Art Museum March 13-14. For tix and a 

list of participating restaurants go to www.PhxArt.org/Devoured. 

FEBrUarY 2010 ION aroUND TowN LISTINGS 

DATe ArTIsT / eVeNT lOcATION 

1-30 Cactus League Baseball Various Ballparks 

6-7 Art Detour Downtown Phoenix 

6-7 Great Arizona Beer Festival Tempe Beach Park 

6-7 Heard Museum Indian Fair & Market Phoenix 

7 Melrose on 7th Street Fair Phoenix 

thru 12 Exotic Art Show - Alwun House Phoenix 

12-14 Ostrich Festival at Tumbleweed Park Chandler 

12-14 Scottsdale Arts Festival at the Center for the Arts Scottsdale 

13 St. Patrick’s Day Parade & Faire at Hance Park Phoenix 

13-14 Devoured Culinary Classic Phoenix Art Museum 

13-14 Litchfield Art & Culinary Festival Downtown Litchfield Park 

20-21 Glendale Folk & Heritage Festival Sahuaro Ranch Park, Glendale 

20-21 Arizona Antique Show AZ State Fairgrounds 

26 Agave on the Rocks Desert Botanical Gardens 

26-28 Tempe Festival of the Arts Mill Ave. - Tempe 

26-28 WorldFEST at Heritage Square Phoenix 

thru 28 Arizona Renaissance Festival Apache Jctn.

Flogging Molly 

It’s St. Patrick’s Day and everybody’s Irish! And you’re not even 

a little bit Irish unless you’ve seen Flogging Molly. It’s practically 

mandatory here. Along with heavy drinking. This boisterous, 

crowd-pleasing, seven-piece Los Angeles band plays American Punk 

Rock music with a Celtic flair. So much fun you’ll probably feel like fighting 

afterwards. Catch these hooligans March 17 at the Marquee Theatre, 730 N. Mill Ave. in 

Tempe. 480-829-0707 or get tix on www.luckymanonline.com 

symphonic star wars 

C’mon, all you Wookies! Grab your favorite Stormtrooper, get in 

your Nebulon-B frigate and fly over to Phoenix Symphony Hall 

for Symphonic Star Wars! See the sexy (we’re not kidding here. 

He’s really hot!) conductor John Moody conduct the classic John 

Williams’ scores from the beloved Star Wars pictures March 26- 

28. Leave your lightsabers and Ewoks at home, please. 75 N. 2nd 

St. Phoenix. Info: 602-262-7272 

The Black eyed Peas 

I gotta feelin’ ... that tonight’s gonna be a good night. So why 

don’t you get your lovely lady lumps and your humps to 

the Jobing.com Arena in beautiful Glendale! Fergalicious, 

Will.I.Am and the gang are gonna shake it ‘til they break it! 

9400 E. Maryland Ave. For tix call 800-745-3000 or visit 

www.TicketMaster.com 

marCh 2010 ION CoNCErT CaLENDar 

DATe ArTIsT / eVeNT lOcATION 

3-4 Jazz Divas Kerr Cultural Ctr. 480-596-2660 

4 Jan Sandwich Trio Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 

6 Ronnie Milsap Chandler Ctr. for the Arts 480-782-2680 

7 The DelRayz Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 480-994-2787 

7 The Hendrix Experience Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 

11 Steve Tyrell Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 

11-13 Cool Like That Kerr Cultural Ctr. 480-596-2660 

17 Flogging Molly Marquee Theatre 480-829-0707 

19 Joe Bonamassa Orpheum Theatre 602-379-2888 

21 Big Nick & the Gila Monsters Scottsdale Ctr. for the Arts 480-994-2787 

23 Ray Davies Dodge Theatre 602-379-2888 

26 Roseanne Cash Scottsdale Ctr. for the Arts 480-994-2787 

26-28 Symphonic Star Wars Phx. Symphony Hall 602-262-7272 

28 Paul McCartney Jobing.com Arena 623-772-3800 

31 The Black Eyed Peas Jobing.com Arena 623-772-3800 

APRIL 

4 Alice Tatum Scottsdale Ctr. for the Arts 480-994-2787 


March begins an onslaught of new music. 

In addition to these, find new material from 

Danny Gokey, Peter Gabriel, Lifehouse, Alice 

in Wonderland soundtrack, Jason Derulo, 

Jamie Cullum, Armin Van Buuren (greatest), 

Goldfrapp and tentative Usher. And as a side 

note, those expecting Christina Aguilera in 

March will now have to wait until April. 

Madonna 

Sticky & Sweet 

Filmed in Buenos Aires 

over a four day stint, see 

why Madonna continues 

to be one of music’s most 

respected artists in history. 

Penned as the most 

successful concert by a 

solo artist and second 

highest grossing of all time behind the Rolling 

Stones, Madonna’s $408m trek finally sees 

light on CD, DVD and first time BluRay 

formats. See Madonna serenade the crowd 

in her moving version of “Don’t Cry for me 

Argentina” as well as 30 additional minutes 

not originally aired. For those that missed this 

spectacle and Billboard’s Top Tour of 2009, 

now’s your chance. 

Gorillaz 

Plastic Beach 

The infamous Rock 

cartoon gods are back 

with their third release. 

Considered to be their 

most pop/commercial 

album to date, Plastic 

Beach showcases a bold 

move to electro-pop and 

an album with lyrics and melodies that are 

“comprehendible.” Loaded with 16 tracks, 

find diverse collaborations from the likes of 

Snoop Dog, Lou Reed, Mos Def, and De La 

Soul. First track “Stylo” sleeks with its slow, 

pulsating and almost Pet Shop Boys lure 

by Jackson David Kelly 

davekjackson@cox.net 

Yo, DJ! 

what’s New? 

while Mos Def shines on “Sweepstakes;” the 

track that he calls his finest work. Inspired by 

plastic rubbish found on a beach, this album 

gives a whole new dimension to a realm that 

can only be described as eclectic. 

amy MacDonald 

A Curious Thing 

After selling three million 

copies of “This is the 

Life,” Amy is ready to 

prove why she’s one of 

UK’s best. Though not a 

household name in the 

US (yet), MacDonald 

continues the same 

formula in her debut (and one of my favorite 

albums in years). First single “Don’t Tell Me” 

is a knee slappin’ jam with a hint of Scottish 

twang, much in the vain of KT Tunstall, as is 

the uplifting song “Ordinary Life.” And then 

there’s “No Roots,” a song with an acoustic 

and haunting opening that later gives way 

to a foot-stomping session. If you haven’t 

been introduced yet, now consider yourself 

acquainted! 

Groove armada 

Black Light 

Groove Armada takes a 

180 degree turn to bring 

you their newest sound, 

one that can be perfectly 

described as a combo of 

rock from the late 70s and 

new wave from the early 

80s. Part Depeche Mode, 

part Psychedelic Furs and part Cure, Black 

Light is an album you’ll love right away or will 

grow to love after a few listens. Lead track 

“I Won’t Kneel” channels Kate Bush while 

“Paper Romance” sounds something right off 

of MGMT’s album. And then there’s “Time & 

Space,” this album’s best track and a song 

that can be called almost perfect. 


snatch: an act of 

Drag Terrorism! 

You can always expect the unexpected when 

you go to one of Pandora Productions wild 

and zany performances. Snatch: An Act of 

Drag Terrorism! will shock and amaze you! 

Titillate and delight you! Packed with a powerhouse 

of talent, it stars Pandora DeStrange, 

Savannah Stevens, Olivia Gardens, and a cast 

of thousands! Well, at least six or seven more. 

It all happens on Sunday, March 7 at 8 p.m. 3108 

E. McDowell Rd. Phone: 602-267-8707. 

www.icepicsvideobar.com 

marCh 2010 ION DraG LISTINGS 

DATe TIme lOcATION shOw / PerFOrmer(s) 

First & Third Tues. 10:00p BS West Hookers In Hose with Kiki Vermont 

Second & Fourth Tues. 10:00p BS West Heroine Chic with Mya & Naomi 

Mondays 7:00p Apollo’s Drag Race Viewing Party 

Tuesdays 10:30p Karamba Susana’s Show 

Wednesday 10:30 Cruisin’ 7th Judy & Dottie Steppin’ Out 

Wednesdays 10:00p Charlie’s Claudia B. & Company 

Wednesdays 10:30p Karamba Diamond Dallas Hosts... 

Thursdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah 

Thursdays 9:30p Amsterdam Icons Live w/ Mya McKenzie & Kiki Vermont 

Thursdays 10:30p Karamba Susana’s Show 

3rd Thurs. 8:00p Forbidden Ruby ‘n’ Friends 

Fridays 10:30p Cruisin’ 7th TGIF with Devina Ross 

Saturdays 10:30p Cruisin’ 7th Dream Girls with Regina Gazelle 

Saturdays 10:00p The Rock Diamond Dolls with Mya McKenzie 

Saturdays 10:00p icepics The Follies Comedy Drag Show 

Saturdays 10:00p Forbidden The Barbra Seville Show 

Saturdays 9:30p Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show 

Saturdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah 

Third Saturdays 1:00p Cruisin’ 7th Native American Revue 

1st & 2rd Sundays 12:30p Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Morning Madness 

Sunday 14th 8:00p Apollo’s T.C Taylor’s That Time Of The Month Show 

Sunday 14th TBD Forbidden Staff Turnabout Show 

Sunday 21st 8:00p Apollo’s Brandon Packer/Luke Mighway TTofTM 

Sundays 8:30p Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends 

Sundays 10:30p Karamba Galilea’s Show 

Second Sunday 8:00p Apollo’s That Time of The Month with Dottie 

Sunday 28th 8:00p Apollo’s Barbra Seville Cocker Rescue Benefit 

To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to kbushaw@me.com 

Included events must be 1) Charity Benefit OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser 


Photos by Deon Brown 

MR. & MiSS PHOENix PRiDE 


To seduce a Prince 

... she will Destroy a Kingdom! 

Last year Nearly Naked Theatre did 

something new: they held their first 

public “workshop production.” The play 

was PHÆDRE, a “Greek tragedy” 

written over 400 years ago 

by French playwright 

Jean Racine. This 

new adaptation by 

Nearly Naked’s 

artistic director 

Damon Dering 

was inspired. 

Filled with magic, 

darkness and, 

of course, a 

powerful use 

of sexuality and 

nudity, the play 

came alive for 

modern audiences. 

And this was just a 

workshop with minimal sets 

and costumes. Kind of like a preview of 

things to come. 

Well, the full production of PHÆDRE 

is here. And it’s going to knock more 

than your socks off! Switching between 

antiquated language and modern 

English, as well as flipping eras 

between Ancient Greece to modern 

Europe, the play is a dark and sensual 

journey through the mind of a Queen 

driven mad by lust and passion. 

We asked the director-playwright to 

give us the gist: 

“Phædre is about the Queen of Athens 

who has been cursed by Aphrodite to 

fall in love with her stepson. She resists 

these feelings until she learns that 

her husband, the king, is dead. Then 

she tries to seduce her stepson. Only 

this is the most forbidden kind of 

thing under Greek law, so 

it doesn’t go well for 

her. Then we find out 

the king isn’t dead. 

That’s when all 

Hades breaks 

loose!” 

Nearly Naked 

has spent more 

than a decade 

producing some 

of Arizona’s 

most provocative 

theatre. Dering 

himself is an artist 

noted for his fascinating 

(and sometimes disturbing) 

use of nudity and sexuality to invoke an 

emotional response from his audiences. 

Of course, in classical theatre there 

was no nudity. There were also no 

images of incest happening onstage. 

In Dering’s adaptation, we slip into 

Phædre’s imagination, and we see the 

incestuous things she is fantasizing 

about. The disturbing nature of her 

fantasies make the horror of this crime 

real to us in a modern society where 

propositioning your 20-year-old stepson 

is not the craziest thing in the world. 

Several actors return to the world 

premiere of PHÆDRE from the 

workshop production, including 

Nearly Naked’s own David Weiss, 

and the very handsome young actor 


Chris Matesevac, whose portrayal of 

Hippolytus in the workshop was as 

stunning as his beautiful body. But 

more impressive is how dangerously 

he plays the fantasy Hippolytus 

versus the real Hippolytus. The 

darkness of Phædre’s fantasies 

in Dering’s wonderful adaptation 

make this an evening of art that 

is not to be missed. 

PHÆDRE is intended for 

mature audiences only; 

containing adult themes, 

graphic sexuality and nudity. 

Performances are Thursdays 

through Saturdays at 8pm., 

and Sundays at 6pm or 2pm 

(alternating). The Little Theatre at 

Phoenix Theatre is located at 100 E. 

McDowell Rd. in the Phoenix Theatre/ 

Phoenix Art Museum complex. For 

tickets, call Phoenix Theatre’s box 

office at (602) 254-2151 or visit 

Nearly Naked Theatre online at www. 

NearlyNakedTheatre.org 

36 www.IONAZ.cOm March 2010 www.IONAZ.cOm March 2010 37

There are a lot of different 

characteristics to take into account 

whenever you’re meeting a guy for 

the first time out on the town. At first 

you see his face; is he chiseled and 

handsome or should he invest in that 

red Alexander McQueen mask GaGa 

wore at the 2009 VMA’s? The shoes 

are hopefully not flip-flops or running 

sneakers, his jeans are the perfect fit, 

he’s wearing a leather belt because 

he’s mature and a shirt that doesn’t 

sparkle, shimmer or frighten you with 

pseudo-vintage tattoo depictions of 

skulls, crossbones, dice, playing cards, 

crucifixes, snakes, Voldemort, lions, 

tigers or bears. 

Then there’s always that last little, 

elusive and oh-so crucial element being 

the way our potential Future Lover 

smells. The right cologne could have 

you releasing your man-craving She- 

Wolf and conversely the wrong scent 

could make you pretend to check your 

cell phone and run to the bar after 

making that awkward three-minutes of 

eye contact. 

All too often men tend to pick what 

by Peter Lora 

scents 

& sensibilty 

they’ve always worn. The truth is that 

any well-marketed cologne has had 

its day in the sun and many scents 

are outdated or over-worn. Walk into 

any bar that has “Diva House” music 

playing and it’s certain that you’ll catch 

whiffs of “CK One,” “Curve,” “Aqua di 

Gio” and the overrated, genetically 

engineered staple of our community 

the homocentric aphrodisiac that is 

Abercrombie’s’ “Fierce.” 

“Fierce” is kind of like the word “Party.” 

In 2009, GQ stated that the rule of 

thumb should be that “Party” should 

never be used by a gentleman as an 

adjective after the age of 23. So all you 

Madeline Ashtons out there “Fierce” is 

not the potion. 

Your cologne selection should be 

representative of your style and get 

you noticed when you’re surrounded 

by your coven of night-out gays. A 

good fragrance will consist of several 

different layers or notes and should 

smell different to someone the longer 

that they are around or near you. 

The monsters and 

heartbreakers, 

with a whiskey in 

one hand and a 

boy’s heart in the 

other, would find 

John Varvatos’ 

“Vintage” quite the 

new addition, which 

contains a very forward note of leather 

and subtle spice note. If you smell 

this enrapturing elixir on a guy run for 

the hills because you will end up in 

sweat pants watching Sex & The City 

reruns with a pizza. Other fragrances 

with the same effect are “Gucci” by 

Gucci; Dolce & Gabbana’s “The One,” 

Givenchy’s “Play,” Chanel’s “Platinum 

Egoïste” and virtually any of the 

expensive Creed fragrances. 

For all you urban, 

gay hipsters 

Burberry’s “The 

Beat” would 

wear you 

well. This very 

bold fragrance 

has notes of 

leatherwood, vetiver 

bourbon, cedrat, violet leaves and 

black pepper. This is the perfect 

fragrance for the guy you’d meet 

haunting Phoenix’s First Friday, the 

rooftop of Bar Smith, Symphony Hall 

and the Lost Leaf. If this doesn’t suit 

your fancy try Diesel “Fuel for Life,” 

“Marc Jacobs,” YSL’s “L’Homme” and 

Dior “Homme.” 

The boy next door 

in his cotton 

tee, seersucker 

shorts, Sperry 

or Tom’s shoe 

should head 

for more light 

hearted, fresher but 

equally sexy scents 

like Gucci’s “Pour Homme II.” D&G’s 

“La Lune,” Versace’s “Eau Fraiche,” 

“L’Eau d’Issey” by Issey Miyake and 

DSquared’s “Wood.” 

Picking a scent that is unique, sexy, 

classy and characteristically you can 

be a challenge. Never be afraid to 

ask for help; the fragrance specialists 

behind the counters at department 

and cosmetic stores can be very 

informative, seeing as though all 

they’ve done that day is sample 

scents and polish glass. Always spray 

your own skin lightly and never your 

clothes because you may stain white 

or delicate fabrics. Let’s not ruin your 

Freakum Dress. 

Although scents can be pricey, there’s 

no better compliment than him rolling 

over from his side of the bed to 

embrace you and say, “No one smells 

like you”… in a good way that is. 

Order your St. Patrick’s Day & 

Easter Flowers today! 



avenue Q 

Phaedre 

This is not about or starring Phoenix’s beloved drag queen 

of the same name. Incest is best! A game the whole family 

can play! Cursed by the goddess Aphrodite, Phaedre, the 

dying queen of Athens, falls in love with her stepson, Hippolytus. 

An obsessive love story with the poetry of Euripides and the violent 

energy of Fatal Attraction without the rabbit. A Nearly Naked Theatre 

at Phoenix Theatre 10 East McDowell. March 5-27. 602-274-3432 

The story of Princeton, a bright-eyed college grad who comes 

to New York City with big dreams and a tiny bank account 

discovering that the only neighborhood in his price range is 

Avenue Q. Together, Princeton and his newfound friends struggle 

to find jobs, dates, and their ever-elusive purpose in life. A 

musical all told with puppets! See it at ASU Gammage March 

9-14. 1200 S. Forest Ave. Info & tix: 480- 

965-3434, www.ASUgammage.com 

Chelsea Handler 

She’s acerbic, witty, bitchy, makes fun of herself, 

her family, the rest of America, and of course, Spain. The E! 

Channel’s Chelsea Handler comes to the Dodge Theatre 

on her Bang Bang Tour on Thursday, March 11. 400 W. 

Washington. Tix: www.LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2800. 

Sponsored by Belvedere Vodka. Really. 

FEBrUarY 2010 ION ThEaTEr + STaNDUP 

DaTe eVeNT loCaTioN PHoNe 

4-20 Blithe Spirit Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 

5-21 Secret Order Actors Theatre at Herberger 602-254-7399 

5-27 Phaedre Nearly Naked at Phx Thtre. 602-274-3432 

thru 14 Light in the Piazza Phoenix Theatre 602-274-3432 

9-14 Avenue Q ASU Gammage 480-965-3434 

10-14 Now That She’s Gone Chandler Ctr. for the Arts 480-782-2680 

11 Chelsea Handler: Bang Bang Tour Dodge Theatre 602-379-2800 

11-13 Joe Rogan Tempe Improv 480-921-9877 

13-14 Martin Short Scottsdale Ctr. for the Arts 480-994-ARTS 

14-29 The Immigrant AZ Jewish Theatre at PVCC 602-264-0402 

12-27 Indivisible Herberger Theater Center 602-254-7399 

18-21 Pablo Francisco Tempe Improv 480-921-9877 

23-28 Tony & Tina’s Wedding Chandler Ctr. for the Arts 480-782-2680 

23-4/3 Around the World in a Bad Mood Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 

25-4/10 The Glass Menagerie Herberger Theater Center 602-254-7399 

25-27 Tom Green Tempe Improv 480-921-9877 

27 Keo Woolford - I Land ASU Gammage 480-965-3434 

APRIL 

6-11 Jesus Christ Superstar ASU Gammage 480-965-3434 


MUSTAcHE RiDE 


M O R E P I C T U R E S A T I O N A Z . C O M 

Photos by Deon Brown 



alice in wonderland 

Starring: Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny 

Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Anne 

Hathaway 

Lewis Carroll’s 

beloved 

childhood 

classic 

comes to 

life in the 

live-action 

adaptation 

directed 

by Tim 

Burton 

(Nightmare 

Before 

Christmas, 

Edward 

Scissorhands). 

Picking up where Disney’s 

1951 animated version left off, Alice in 

Wonderland stars Mia Wasikowska as the 

19-year-old incarnation of the daydreaming 

youth who, despite giving very good advice, 

once again decides to not take her own 

and returns to Wonderland. After reuniting 

with her old friends, the Mad Hatter (Depp), 

Caterpillar (Alan Rickman, Harry Potter), 

and Cheshire Cat (Stephen Fry, V for 

Vendetta, Wilde), Alice learns her destiny 

is to overthrow the Red Queen (Bonham 

Carter). As is par for any Burton cinematic 

enterprise, Alice in Wonderland takes an 

oft-told narrative and repackages it as a 

darkly sentimental core in an eerily stunning 

exterior. Fans of the original story and/ 

or Disney version may find themselves 

off-put by the creative licensing, but 

Burton’s distinctive style and his continued 

partnerships with talents like Depp, Rickman, 

and Bonham Carter, will make this a mustsee. 

Release Date: 03/05/2010. 

by Kimberly M. Ruff 

kimberlymruff@yahoo.com 

movie Previews 

Clash of the Titans 

Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, 

Ralph Fiennes 

Remakes abound this season and the 

Clash of the Titans is no exception. 

This Greek myth catalogs the 

adventures of Perseus, mortal 

son of the god, Zeus, who must 

slay Medusa the Gorgon to 

rescue his beloved Andromeda 

from the clutches of the Kraken 

sea monster. As is par for the 

course with all Greek myths, 

Perseus does not tackle this 

challenge alone; bored, fickle 

Gods get in on the intrigue by 

both helping and hurting him in 

his quest. The original 1981 version 

used stop-motion animation for its 

special effects and starred Harry Hamlin 

as Perseus, and featured an all-star cast of 

Sir Laurence Olivier, Burgess Meredith, 

Maggie Smith, and Ursula Andress. 

The 2010 version uses computer graphics 

imaging (CGI) and stars Sam Worthington 

(Avatar) as Perseus, Liam Neeson (Batman 

Begins) as Zeus, and Ralph Fiennes (The 

English Patient) as Hades. If you were a 

huge, nerdy fan of the original like I was, you 

may be turned-off by the decision to remake 

a cult classic. Hopefully, the special effects 

and equally capable cast will be enough to 

sway you in its favor. 

Release Date: 

04/02/2010.

46 www.IONAZ.cOm February 2010 

Being a movie reviewer can either be a 

blessing or a curse, depending on the day. 

Sometimes Mr. Postman brings us true 

cinematic delights, like romantic comedies, 

Oscar-worthy dramas, foreign fare, or indie 

experimental pieces. Even some of the 

“worst” movies I have seen had some value 

in them; I still get a kick out of craptaculars 

like Dante’s Cove and The Lair. But then 

there are some that are 

so unbelievably bad, it 

makes you wonder if 

the Celluloid Gods 

are just having 

a laugh at your 

expense, or if 

you seriously, 

perhaps 

irreparably, 

angered them. 

For example… 

remarkable 

Power 

Starring: Kevin Nealon, Evan Peters, Nora 

Zehetner, Tom Arnold, Kip Pardue 

Wicked webs and interconnectedness have 

been the storytelling method en vogue. 13 

Conversations about One Thing, Babel, and 

Crash are only a few examples of this subgenre 

in which an ensemble of seemingly 

unrelated characters are satellites orbiting 

around the same person, place, or idea. In 

Remarkable Power, the center of gravity is 

Kevin Nealon’s, Jack West, a late night talk 

show host who’s getting screwed in a way 

no one likes; the studio execs want to cancel 

his show, and his wife is hitting it with a local 

baseball hero. West orchestrates a scheme 

to serve his wife just desserts and keep his 

post-prime time spot. 

Ok, fair enough, except – writer/director, 

Brandon Beckner decides that’s just not 

enough plot for the audience and forces 

us to watch four other storylines before 

by Wes Bergman 

wesobergman@yahoo.com 

DVD movie review 

half-heartedly attempting to trick us into an 

“ah-ha!” moment when he knits them all 

together in the end. There’s Ross (Peters), 

a dope-smoking ne’er-do-well turned 

diehard disciple of a get-rich-quick scheme 

hocked on witching hour infomercials called 

‘Remarkable Power’ before becoming an 

accidental murderer who doesn’t have 

enough sense to know when to stay or when 

to go; Athena (Zehetner), a death-obsessed 

gothic pixie who makes a living taking 

gory, post-mortem photos and fancies 

herself the Addams Family version 

of ‘Nancy Drew;’ Van Hagen 

(Arnold), a private eye that’s about 

as discrete as an atom bomb; 

and Moses (Jack Plotnick), an 

obnoxiously stereotypical Jew/drug 

dealer who terrorizes substance 

abusing D-listers when he’s not 

kicking it Old School Testament with 

his sight gag sidekicks. Every character 

is a caricature. 

This is not altogether uncommon for this 

subgenre of film – the more characters you 

add to the mix, the less time you can devote 

to really developing them. While it makes 

sense that filmmakers would have to rely 

on storytelling shortcuts like stereotypes 

to communicate their characters, it doesn’t 

negate the fact that you have a whole slew 

of unsympathetic characters. Factor in them 

doing abnormal or immoral things in the 

name of creating a dynamic plot, and you’ve 

got a recipe for disaster. Filmmakers, take 

heed: if you’re going to have your characters 

do things that wouldn’t square with most 

of your audience’s beliefs or values, you 

better make those characters people we can 

identify with. 

So, while Remarkable Power has an adept 

cast, decent direction, and is of a higher 

technical quality than many of the movies I 

review, this glaring error in storytelling makes 

it impossible to enjoy. 


you might remember the Rogers 

and Hammerstein musical, The King and 

I. Maybe the two devious and mischievous 

cats in the Disney animated feature Lady 

and the Tramp. How about the famous 

conjoined twins from huckster P.T. 

Barnum’s famous circus sideshow? They 

were all Siamese, if you please. In 1949 

this gilded country, which lies in southeast 

Asia became more familiarly known as 

Thailand, but for centuries they’ve been 

serving up some of the most exotic cuisine 

on earth. Lightly prepared dishes and 

strong aromatic components reveal the 

subtle intricacies and delicate nuances 

that Thai food offers. 

Since August, Thai E-San has been 

serving up generous portions of delicious 

meals in Central Phoenix. Housed in 

the newly redecorated and remodeled 

building where Big Wong was once 

located, the gifted and enthusiastic Chef 

Peter Benson, formerly of the well-known 

restaurant Siam in Glendale, prepares 

cuisine from his native village, Nalcorn 

Phanom in northeast Thailand, in the 

E-san region. Many of these dishes 

are traditional and date from 1794 

and are influenced by cooking from 

Cambodia, Laos, and Vietnam. It 

doesn’t hurt that Peter’s parents 

were both chefs, too, passing their 

knowledge on. 

One of Thai E-san’s real 

strengths is the attention to 

detail behind the scenes. 

Benson visits the markets daily 

for the freshest ingredients, 

and not only that, each dish is 

prepared in its own pan, with 

its own spoon – the flavors, oils 

and spices of one dish never 

Thai e-san 

affect another cooked in the same pan, 

or wok. And don’t forget, you can always 

control the “heat” level in your dish. Be 

aware: with some dishes, the heat can 

creep up on you. 

Start off with the Tom-Yum Soup, more 

familiarly known as Lemongrass Soup, 

brewed with fresh Thai herbs, fresh, 

meaty mushrooms, thick stalks of 

lemongrass, slices of ginger and served 

with your choice of meat. Ours had big, 

succulent shrimp. Lots of them. You 

won’t find them scrimping here. This is 

all served in one of the famous flaming 

“pots.” 

A star appetizer is the Angel Wings. This 

secret recipe is a beauty, created out 

of boneless chicken wings and stuffed 

with seasoned ground pork, cellophane 

noodles, and vegetables. This speciality 

takes two days of preparation, and two 

are only $7.95. These are big! 


Eat your veggies! 

You can’t go wrong 

with #53 – Spicy 

Green Beans with 

prik-khing curry and 

Thai herbs. These 

beans are fresh, crisp 

and gently coated with 

a spicy curry paste, 

and served with your 

choice of chicken, beef, 

pork, roast duck, squid, shrimp, 

or combination of meat or seafood. Other 

stir fry vegetable combos are available, 

with prices ranging from $9.50-$12.95, 

depending on your meat choices. 

Vegetarian with tofu is an option, too, for 

our non-meat eating friends. 

You can’t miss with the Special Fried 

Rice with Pineapple - number 70 on 

the menu. This is light, delicate Thai 

Jasmine White Rice – it is not diluted 

with any “inferior” or lesser rice. This 

comes topped with shrimp, chicken and 

cashews. Accented with fresh basil, this 

is fresh, fruity, aromatic and delicious. 

If you’re a fish lover, don’t pass up #71, 

the Crispy Fish Chu-Chee. You’ll have 

a choice of catfish, pompano, or bass. 

This whopper 

is deep-fried and topped 

with chu-chee curry - a red curry 

paste, their beloved coconut 

milk and delicate Thai herbs. 

Our fish was tender, flaker, 

and infused with all the 

great tastes you associate 

with Thai cooking. One 

very large serving dish is 

$12.95-$14.95. 

You may not be able to 

spend one night in Bangkok, 

but you can spend an evening 

at Thai E-San. No passport needed 

and only a fraction of the price. 

Thai e-san 

602-297-8888 

616 W. Indian School Rd., Phoenix, AZ 

www.ThaiESanArizona.com 

GaY-FrIENDLY resTAurANT GuIDe 

ADDress TYPe PhONe 

AZ 88 7353 Scottsdale Mall American 480.994.5576 

FEZ 3815 N. Central Ave. Moroccan Fusion 602-287-8700 

Hanny’s 40 N. 1st Street Contemporary 602-252-2285 

Harley’s Bistro 4221 N. 7th Ave. - Phx Italian 602-234-0333 

Marcellino Ristorante 1301 E. Northern Ave - Phx Auth Italian 602-216-0004 

Mazie’s 4750 N. Central Ave. - Phx Cafe/Bistro 602-274-2828 

Mi Patio 3347 7th Ave at Osborn - Phx Mexican 602-277-4831 

Pink Spot 49 W. Thomas Road - Phx Ice Cream/Coffee 602-265-3889 

Switch 2603 N. Central Ave. Cont. American 602-264-2295 

Thai E-San 616 W. Indian School - Phx Thai 602-297-8888 

Ticoz 5114 N. 7th St - Phx Caribbean Fusion 602-200-0160 

Z Pizza (Central Phx) 53 W. Thomas Rd. - Phx Pizza/Subs 602-234-3289 

Z Pizza (Downtown) 111 W. Monroe St Pizza/Subs 602-254-4145 

Z Pizza (North Phx) 1367 N.Tatum Blvd Pizza/Subs 602-765-0511 



y Deon Brown 

Phoenix culinary classic 

devoured 

one of the really great things about 

being on top of the food chain is getting to 

eat just about anything that gets in our way. 

As a species, Humankind has wolfed down 

the equivalent of entire forests, gobbled up 

ocean’s full of seafood, and snacked 

on just about everything with 

four legs that’s not a table or 

chair. That’s what makes 

us “gourmands.” 

Being omnivorous 

also makes us 

especially lucky, 

because we get 

to exercise our 

palates, tongues 

and tastebuds 

in gustatory 

calisthenics at 

events like the 

Devoured Culinary 

Classic happening at the 

Phoenix Art Museum. 

From March 13-14, Phoenix 

Foodies will get a chance to sample the 

culinary treats from about 70 of the best 

bistros, the cleverest cafés, and the rockin’est 

restaurants in town at the Devoured 

Culinary Classic. This event is the perfect 

grandstand and forum for the Valley’s 

restaurateurs, finest chefs, wineries and 

industry purveyors, local farmers and dairies 

to showcase their talents. These restaurants 

are eager to connect with the public and 

introduce them some perhaps for the 

first time, to something new. 


Ticket holders will visit the vendors booths, 

sampling each restaurant’s signature dishes. 

All restaurants may not be there both days. 

Several of the Valley’s shining chefs will be 

staging special demonstrations, too. There 

will also be films, seminars, and live 

music. 

ION is proud to 

announce that our 

advertisers, Switch, 

Ticoz Resto-Bar, 

FEZ, and Maizie’s 

Bistro and Café, 

are participating 

in this prestigious 

event. Other 

events include a 

Light Rail Lunch 

Crawl and two 

Dinner Crawls. 

Advance tickets can 

be purchased online at 

ProTix.com or call 1-866- 

977-6849. Prices range from 

$65-$90 for both days (fees apply.) 

You can also purchase tickets in person at 

the Phonix Art Museum for $57 if you are 

a museum member. One-day tickets at the 

door will be $75. 

For updates and information, go to www. 

phoenixartmuseum.org/devoured. 

You’ll find the Phoenix Art Museum at 1625 

E. Central Avenue at McDowell Road, right 

on the Metro Light Rail. Please, don’t get 

any food on the Monet. 


Photos by Carlos Silvo 

AGRA RODEO 

mAIZIe’s rojo ChILI DE La CaSa 

10 lbs. hand cut ¾” chuck stew meat 

1 gallon strong beef stock 

¾ cup chopped garlic 

7 cups diced yellow onions 

4 cups red chili paste (Santa Cruz brand) 

2 tbsp crushed red pepper 

2 tbsp cayenne pepper 

1 tbsp ground cumin 

1 tbsp ground black pepper 

1 ½ tbsp Salt 

1 tbsp oregano leaves 

2 tbsp honey 

3 cups V-8 juice 

12 oz. butter 

12 oz. flour 

In a large braiser, brown the meat with the garlic and onions. Add the stock. Add 

next nine ingredients and cook at a low boil until the beef is tender, (approx. 

one hour.) 

In the meantime, make a roux in a medium sauce pan melt the 12 oz. of butter, 

stir in the 12 oz. of flour and cook over a low heat for 15 min. (That’s your roux!) 

Once the meat is tender, take a wire whip and stir in the roux and mix well over 

low heat for another 20 minutes. 

We serve it atop a warm flour tortilla with shredded cheddar cheese and topped 

with two eggs, any style. Enjoy! 

Cactus Cities’ 

Chili Cook off at roscoe’s 

Break out the Alka-Seltzer and 

Rolaids, kids! It’s time for the annual 

Cactus Cities Softball Chili & Salsa 

Cook Off at Roscoe’s! 

And this contest ain’t 

for pansies. Taste 

30 varieties of the 

fabled Mexican 

stew. Some 

varieties are mild, 

but some are 

guaranteed to 

be be five-alarm 

quality. The entry fee is only $30 for 

chili, $15 for salsa. But only one winner 

will walk away with the $150 Grand 

Prize. Each chef is required to submit 

one gallon of their best effort. Celebrity 

Judge CBS 5 Weather hottie Sean 

McLaughlin and others will lend their 

expert tongues and opinions – about 

the comidas, that is. 

Tasting starts bright and early at 10 

a.m. on Saturday, March 13 and lasts 

all day ‘til the last bean is gone. There’ll 

be raffles, prizes, promos, and what 

says “Chili Cook-Off” better than a 

drag show? Roscoe’s co-owner, Bob 

Scimeca said, “As the best – and only 

– sports bar for the community, we’re 

excited to sponsor this fundraiser. It’s 

held outdoors, just in case the chili 

‘repeats’ on you.” 

The Chili Bowl benefits those big, 

bulging jocks in the Cactus Cities 

Softball League. For more info ask 

EventCoordinator@CactusCity.com 

Can’t wait ‘til then? Our friend 

Maizie Miller from Maizie’s Bistro 

generously offered her own special 

recipe of chili that’ll tide you over 

‘til the Chili Bowl. You can enjoy 

Maizie’s chili and lots of other 

delicious sandwiches, entrées and 

more at her cozy café at 4750 N. 

Central Ave. Phone: 602-274-2828. 

Thanks, Maizie! 

Roscoe’s is located at 4531 N. 7th St. 

Phoenix. 



MiNi RODEO 

“ J e s s s c o r e s a d a t e ” 

s a y h e y @ h e y c l i n t . c o m | b y j u s t i n g o n z a l e z 


ION Arizona 

Interviews 

Jessica & 

hunter 

weblebrITIes 

like, oh my god! YouTube 

sensations and Hollywood Red Carpet 

munching fabulosities Jessica and Hunter 

are slowly but surely taking over popular 

culture – one bottle of vodka at a time 

with a tanning bed chaser. These acidtongued 

WeHo gadabouts and barflies 

sprang from the fertile imaginations 

of their real life creators, showbiz 

whizkids Beth Crosby and Jaret 

Gardiner about two years ago at 

The Groundlings Theatre Sunday 

Stage. ION managed to snag 

their alter egos in-between 

dumpster diving at Forever 21 

and crashing a super-duper 

A-list wannabe Hollywood 

Hills party to answer 

the really hard hitting 

questions that 

everybody wants 

to know about. 

Amazebots 2052! 

ION: Have you 

ever thought 

of running for 

office on a joint 

ticket? What 

would your platform 

be? Which laws would 

you enact and which laws 

would you repeal? 

Hunter: What the fuck are you talking 

about? 

Jessica: I have nooooo idea what you’re 

even saying. I’m sarls, do you have the 

right people? We’re Jessica and Hunter 

um we’re not Palin and her baby, um, 

I’m confused. We don’t know what that 

means? 

Hunter: You mean, like, run for 

President? 

we would get like the fiercest, sickest 

fashion, I would totally get whoever is, 

like, next in line from the Queen to design 

my Presidential gown when I do my oath 

of office. 

H: And first thing I would do is make 

everyone in the military Gay, and they 

would have to tell 

everyone about it, 

and they would 

have to wear 

really fierce 

outfits. 

ION: What 

are your best 

qualities? 

H: Jessica’s 

best quality is 

that she pays for 

dinner every time we 

go out; she has a really 

fierce closet of clothes that 

she lets me borrow, and 

she can drink her weight in 

vodka. 

J: Hunter’s best qualities 

are he shares his unlimited 

subscription to Sunset Tan with 

me, so I can tan as much as I want 

with him, he gives lots of HJ’s to the 

doormen at all the clubs so we can get in 

to all the clubs wherever we go, and he’s 

fun to judge other people with. 

ION: There’s only one shot of vodka 

left in the world, who gets it and why? 

H: I get it! Okay, this is where the 

friendship line gets drawn. I’ll kill a bitch 

to have that because I’m basically held 

together with bronzer and vodka, so if I 

don’t get it, it’s game over. 

ION: Yeah! 

J: Well the doctor told me if I don’t get 

a shot of vodka every single day then I 

by Craig Rubin 


J: OOHHH! Oh my god, oh my god, 

Hunter & Jessica, 

Crazeballs Weblebrities 


go into a high 

diabetic shock, which is a 

very rare disease, but I have it. It’s 

kind of like diabetes. 

ION: If you were superheroes what 

would your superhero powers be? 

J: I think my super power would be that 

you can just drink and party as much as 

you want and never ever be hungover, 

because being hungover is not pretty. 

Hunter would know. 

H: My super power would be to be able 

to walk through red ropes so I can get 

into all the fierce parties with all the 

famous people. Some people want to 

walk through walls? Boring! I want to walk 

through red velvet ropes. 

ION: Who would you be willing to bang 

for the cover of US Weekly? How low 

would you go? 

J: OOOHHHH MY GOD. Who 

would Hunter not bang to get the cover 

of US Weekly? Okay? Listen, this is his 

dream come true! 

H: I totally tried Perez Hilton; that went 

no where ... Ummm, I would basically go 

down on a homeless woman if it meant I 

could be on the cover of US Weekly. 

J: Oh my god! And I would video tape it, 

and sell it on VividVideo.com 

H: That’s a great idea, write that down on 

something! 

J: And I would get more plastic surgery 

then Heidi Frakenstein Montag ever did. 

In fact, that’s part of my master plan to 

become famous because I’m an aspiring 

actress, singer, dancer, whatever, and I’m 

in the process of getting multiple plastic 

surgeries and I’m going to shop it around 

to various magazines and hopefully sell it 

as a cover story, so we’ll see. 

ION: Speaking of Perez Hilton, how do 

you feel about him? 

H: Basically we hate him, but we 

can’t let him know because we 

have to be on his website, 

like every time we see him 

we have to be like really, 

really nice then he walks 

away and were, like, 

“Fucking fat bitch!” 

J: Yeah, I mean 

he’s a literally a 

hack, but we would 

never say that to 

his face because its 

gross to be mean 

to someone’s face 

like that, but he’s a 

fucking loser who 

steals words cause he 

can’t come up with any of his own! 

H: But if we, like, saw him on the street 

and we were driving down the street in, 

like, my Mini Cooper I would totally throw 

my IPhone at his big, fat face. 

ION: What’s worse: being the LeAnn 

Rimes Fan Club President, or being 

the Shipping Manager at Best Buy? 

J: LeAnn Rimes is fat and plain, she’s 

Plain Jane USA. 

H: But did you see the boy she’s dating 

now and the boy she used to date? Like, 

hello! they’re both like so closeted and 

waiting to come out, and I’m just the man 

for the job. 

J: Whatever! They’re both horrible and 

terrible and disgustoid USA! 

ION: What scares Jessica and Hunter? 

J: Oh my god, getting old! P.S. we’re 

not getting old! We’re killing ourselves 

in a joint suicide pact before we turn 30, 

‘cause 30 you might as well be, like, 100 

if you’re 30. So we’re living hard, we’re 

playing hard, and then we’re going out 

fabulously in big ball of suicide. It’s kind of 

dark, I know. 

H: No, but they’re totally gonna write 

about it in the magazines and we’re 

gonna be famous! 

J: It will be like Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, 

Jessica & Hunter, you know, famous 

celebrities that died in like a suicidal way. 

ION: How are you gonna do it? 

H: I told Jessica that when I get my 

first wrinkle like at the corner of my eye 

that we’re gonna go out to the Valley 

somewhere and we’re gonna go find like 

a janky, ghetto gun and just put one right 

between my eyes. 

J: Oh my god, that’s totals 

horrible! I was thinking we would go, like, 

softer. Like we would rent like a newest 

edition Lamborghini and go in one of my 

dad’s many garages and just park it with, 

like, lots of fabulous bottles of like Ciroc 

Vodka, and just, like, surround ourselves 

with amazing furs, like, Anna Wintour can 

lend us some of her furs, and just drink 

and just turn on the gas, and just pass 

out; just go to sleep together. 

H: I think it would be funny to like put 

a bullet in my head right in front of Old 

Navy, because then it would have that 

horrible stigma, and maybe people 

would stop wearing Old Navy, like, brains 

splattered all over the window. 

J: That’s a really, really dark version of 

Hunter. 

H: Thank you I’m really dark! I just went 

tanning. 

ION: Which is worse, getting a DUI or 

getting kicked out of Fashion Week? 

Both: Getting kicked out of Fashion 

Weeeeeeek! 

J: Oh my god, hellooo! Getting a DUI 

is actually amazebots 3022, it’s a total 

career move, I’m sarls. Like, what you do 

is you get headshots, go on auditions, 

you have your first sex tape, and then you 

get your first DUI honey, and you’re on 

the map in Hollywood! 

ION: Have you ever thought of 

a marriage of convenience and 

fierceness? 

J: Oh my god, I’m almost throwing up, oh 

my god I’m puking. 

H: My penis just crawled up into my body 

cavity, that’s disgusting. 

J: My vagina is like sewed up and closed 

for biz for the next 20 years after that 

statement! Disgustoid! Never! 


ION: 

Which celebrity 

deserves a good bitch 

slapping? 

J: Obviously Chloe Sevigny. I’m, like, 

totally pissed at her because she totals 

puked in my Balenciaga bag the other 

night when we were at Rage and 

fucking ruined it, my $3,000 

purse, so I’d like to bitch 

slap that fashionista. 

What about you 

Hunter? You got 

into a fight with 

Mario Lopez at 

The Abbey ... 

H: Yeah, ‘cause 

I called him hot 

and tall. I would 

like to slap him, 

but on his ass. 

Who would I slap 

on the face? I wanna 

slap that stupid Billy 

Bush on Exra, because 

he’s cute but he’s, like, so 

dumb. He’s like what I like to call a 

schlongoloid, like, I’m sure he’s really hot, 

but super stupid. 

ION: Speaking of hot and stupid: 

which is better, Britney shaving her 

head or Lindsay going to rehab? 

J: Oh my god! They were both genius 

moves! We applaud them because those 

bitches know what’s up, they know how 

to get famous, they know how to be 

celebrities, okay, in the classiest sense of 

the word. I felt proud to live in Hollywood. 

We’re all about the crazy, insane, like, 

fucked up celebrity, and bravo to them! 

Bravo! 

H: I love Lindsay Lohan with the really 

bad 

like orange tan, 

like, melting all over her face cause 

she’s, like, totally sewn together with 

vodka. And then Britney’s running around 

like a half naked crazy person with a half 

shaved head, that’s genius! 

J: Total genius! I fully shaved my head 

after that incident as, like, an homage to 

Britney and her brilliance. It grew back. 

My hair grew back. 

ION: Changing gears, 

what is your favorite 

venereal disease? 

J: Oooooh! There’s 

a lot! I mean, 

there’s a lot and 

they’re fun to, 

like, get over 

them, cause 

once you’ve had 

them you know, 

the odds of them 

coming back are, 

like, slim to none, so 

it’s good to like get them 

out of the way. I had a real 

nice wild ride with HPV, that 

was a funny, a fun one. They have 

those really cutesy commercials on about 

it, about the shot for it, so that’s like a 

really fun one! 

H: I personally like chlamydia because I 

had it twice, but the medicine is, like, so 

awesome, it’s like crazy anti-body-ic? I 

don’t know, what do you call them? But 

they make you not want to eat, you get 

really skinny, so I love that. 

ION: How many calories do you think 

Rachel Zoe eats a day? How long until 

she dies? 

J: Oh my god, you know, wow! That’s 

funny, ‘cause I actually talked to her 

nutritionist the other day, because I’m 

trying to get Rachel Zoe-thin, and I’m 

close, right Hunter? I’m close! I like 

passed out five times today, so I’m close. 

H: And you’re looking good! 

J: Thank you! Actually I found out what 

she eats, she eats 180 calories a day, 

and how long do I think until she dies? 

Well she did die, technically, like last 

week. 

H: I mean she dies on like a frequent 

basis, but, like, an actual “bye-sies,” no 

more of that amazing show she’s on? 

I dunno, maybe one more season? I 

dunno, unless she gets another cup of 

coffee in her body, its like really... 

ION: Are you friends with Spencer 

Pratt and Heidi Montag? 

H: Umm, you could say that... I mean... 

We’ve like, been at their party. 

J: Like, we weren’t invited to their party, 

we weren’t though friends of friends ... of 

friends. 

H: You know, like, giving off HJ’s at the 

door, like, you can get into the club where 

they are, and then you just kind of hang 

around with them. I dunno, like Jessica 

fortunately always has a matching bag 

or shoes so it gives us a lot to talk about 

when we see them. 

J: Yeah, they would know who we are ... 

ummm ... I think. They would know who 

we are if they saw us. Yeah. So you could 

say we’re close. 

H: Yeah. Like the last time we were 

talking with them, Heidi looked looked us 

up and down, because I’m sure she was 

admiring our outfits, and then she said, 

“Get the fuck out of here!” and we 

totally laughed, it was hilarious! 

ION: Do you have plans to release 

a feature length film in IMAX 3-D? 

H: Oh my god, could you imagine my tan 

in 3-D? 

J: Oh my god! My extensions could like 

whip you in the face! You could like reach 

out and give HJ’s to the whole audience. 

I love that! It could be called like Avatard. 

Avatarted! I lurve it, oh my god! I have 

a sex tape coming out very shortly that 

Hunter actually is managing, and we 

definitely have some more videos coming 

out, like, ASAP. 

ION: I just have one last question: 

why does it smell like sperm behind 

the dumpster at Trader Joe’s on Santa 

Monica Boulevard? 

H: Because Jessica’s panties fell off 

there. 

J: Because Hunter puked in it last night, 

okay? That’s why, griz. You disgustoid! 

Ewww! 

ION: Alright then! That’s all I’ve got for 

you. Thank you! 

J: Awww! Thank you! you’re such a cute 

reporter worker, awww, we love you 

reporter worker! 

Stumble headfirst into the vodka-soaked, 

twisted Tinseltown world of weblebrities 

Jessica and Hunter on YouTube, or visit 

them at www.JessicaandHunter.com for 

realzies! 

64 www.IONAZ.cOm March 2010 January 2010 www.IONAZ.cOm 65

Popular barmaids and ginslingers from 

your favorite bars and nightclubs across 

town competed for the title of “The Sexiest 

Bartender” staged by SWAY Events for the 

popular contest sponsored by Three Olives 

Vodka as part of Apollo’s “Bar with Benefits 

Weekend.” This included the outrageous 

Turnabout Show and a raffle – all benefiting 

Camp Incredible, a summer camp for 

families affected by HIV/AIDS, funded by 

Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS. 

The boys and girls pulled all the stops out. 

Forbidden’s adorable Dusty Brinsmade, 

a crowd favorite, danced his way into the 

audience’s heart with “Time After Time” à 

la Romy & Michelle. The sexy Emilio from 

Velocity brought everyone to their feet with 


a rousing rendition of “YMCA” done Village 

People style. This magic weekend raised over 

$20,000 thanks to the love, hard work and 

generosity of everyone who participated and 

contributed. 

Thanks to all the other sexy bartenders who 

competed, including Jeremy from BS West 

(the 2nd Place Winner who raised $3,068), 

Rufeio from Babylon, Brian from Bunkhouse, 

Dallan from Charlie’s, Tyler from Cherry Bar, 

Tim from Plazma, and Al from The Rock. 

Sponsors who helped make this happen are ION, 

Echo, N’Touch, Sunburst Inn, Young’s Market, 

Boom Boom Larue’s, OffChute II, Red Bull, 

Beck’s Beverage, and Edge Studios. 


SExiEST BARTENDER 

Photos by Carlos Silvo & Deon Brown 



Photos by Jerry O’Conner | Art Direction by Joey Sarandos & 

Kevin Bushaw | Makeup by Anton Khachaturian 

Production Assistance from Tim Williams | Special Thanks to 

Open Wide Dental & SWAY l Art by Geoffrey Paris Retouching & 

Finishing services available 

geoffreyparis@rocketmail.com 

www.modelmayhem.com/geoffreyparisps 



MarCH 2010 

OUTRAGEOUS! 



ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL 


Vol. 3, issue 12 


Unfair and unbalanced. We decide. 


Serial Killer whale Vows, “i’ll Kill 

Again and Again!” Prosecuting 

ORLANDO – 

Famed theme 

park, SeaWorld, 

where Tilikum, 

the 12,000 

pound Orcinus 

orca, commonly 

known as a 

“killer whale,” 

entertained 

crowds of 

families 

for years in 

carefully 

orchestrated 

feats of aquatic 

acrobatics murdered trainer Dawn 

Brancheau, 40, in cold blood in front 

of a live audience on a sunny afternoon 

February 24. 

This wasn’t a first for the bloodthirsty 

whale. Tilikum, which means “friend” 

in Chinook, has killed before and he’s 

nobody’s friend. He revealed to an 

anonymous source, “I’ve killed twice 

before, and I loved it. I loved it, I say! 

And I’ll kill again! And again and again! 

I’ll kill ‘em all! Every single stinkin’ one 

of ‘em!” he snarled with blood cascading 

down his once pristine white chin as he 

shook his fin menacingly at an angry 

crowd. 

attorneys claim, 

“This was an act 

of premeditated 

murder. Clearly he 

was 

planning this for 

weeks. He has a 

history of killing 

with a rap sheet 

dating back to 

1991. This fish has 

bloodstains on his 

fins. He’s guilty as 

sin!” 

SeaWorld officials claim that the incident 

was isolated, and Tilikum thought 

Brancheau was a sardine. “But I’ll tell you 

one thing,” said park marketing officials, 

“This is really gonna kill the ‘Dining With 

Shamoo’ experience.” 

Southwest Airlines, the official airline of 

SeaWorld and paints planes to resemble a 

Killer Whale is considering ending their 

association. Instead, they’ll partner with 

Disney, painting their planes to look like the 

endearing, harmless clownfish, “Nemo.” 

“It was an easy decision,” reports one 

official. “You might say it was like shooting 

fish in a barrel.” 


78 www.IONAZ.cOm March 2010 www.IONAZ.cOm March 2010


Al Gore Unveils New 

Social Networking Site 


CUPERTINO, 

Calif. – MySpace? 

So last year. 

Facebook? Too 

much drama. 

Twitter? Yawn. Al 



Gore, inventor of 


the internet, brought 

together the most 

brilliant minds in 

Silicon Valley to 

create the newest 

social/networking 

website: MyFace- 

SpotJournalChirper. 

com. 

“The information 

superhighway is 

now the autobahn,” 

Gore explained. 

“You can’t just park 


on the shoulder 

with your ticker on, 

waiting to merge. 

You’ve got to put the pedal to the metal 

ANY and floor RESEMBLANCE it. With no carbon footprint, TO THE TRUTH SpotJournalChirper.com IS TRAGICALLY a ACCIDENTAL 

pay site will 

of course. And that’s why I’ve invented 

MyFaceSpotJournalChirper.com. 

MyFaceSpotJournalChirper combines 

everything from MySpace, Facebook, 

and Twitter all in one. Friends, Likes, 

Dislikes, Music, hard to read graphics, 

neon wallpapers, Fans, Snowball fights, 

Mafia Wars, Farms, Aquariums, High 

School Yearbooks, Family Trees, Resumes, 


Photo Tag, and of course, 140 character 

chirps that broadcast 

when you’re doing 

something really 

interesting, like 

eating a chicken 

salad sandwich.” 

“MyFace- 


com will take the 

internet by storm,” 

said one programmer 

in Research and 

Development. 

“Everyone will 

join MyFace- 


com and amass 

a huge following 

and be enormously 

popular. MyFace- 


com will keep 

redesigning the 

format, confusing 

members, and rumors of making MyFace- 

enrage everyone, and membership will drop 

off when MyFaceSpotJournalChirper.com 

addicts will denounce it. That’s what makes 

MyFaceSpotJournalChirper.com perfect for 

the internet.” 

Gore said, “But MyFaceSpotJournalChirper. 

com will not have porn. Tipper won’t let 

me.” 




New Discovery : Dusty 

constantine the Great 


ROME – 

Vatican officials 

and genealogy 

research experts 

astonished the 

world when they 

announced that 




famed Roman 

conqueror and 

emperor, Caesar 

Flavius Valerius 

Aurelius 

Constantinus 

Augustus, more 

familiarly known 

as Constantine 

the Great, is 

the ancestor 

of Forbidden’s 

popular and beloved sexiest bartender, 

Dusty Brinsmade, 27, hailing from 

Rochester, Michigan. Constantine, who 

empowered Christianity across the 


Roman Empire in the Fourth Century 

A.D. established Constantinople as the 

capital – not Istanbul, but Constantinople, 

now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople – in 

Byzantium. 


Genealogists, DNA biochemists and lots 

of other really, really smart people agree, 

“Yep. Constantine the Great was Dusty’s 

great-x-196 grandfather. It took a lot of 

math to figure that out.” 


Art Historians have long suspected 

Dusty’s venerable Roman heritage. “We’re 

positive,” said Prof. Panto Crator. “You 

Dusty Brinsmade & The Emperor Constantine 

have only to look 

at the existing 

head of the 

colossal statue of 

Constantine in 

Rome’s Capitoline 

Museums and 

the resemblance 

is uncanny. The 

proud brow, the 

noble Roman 

nose, the strong, 

handsome jawline, 

the delicate, 

aristocratic 

cheekbones, the 

defiant cleft in his 

chin, those ‘come 

hither’ eyes, the 

soft, supple, pouting, oh-so-kissable lips ... 

we’re positive that they are kin.” 

Brinsmade, an accomplished figure skater 

in his own right, was astonished to learn 

of his royal heritage. Ancient Roman 

scholars’ research confirmed, “In addition 

to poisoning his own son and boiling his 

wife to death at his mother’s, St. Helena’s 

request, Constantine could execute a quad 

followed by a triple-toe loop and a half axel 

and a one foot salchow and still wage a holy 

war. That’s obviously where Dusty got his 

talent on the ice. But Dusty’s hot, gay dance 

moves are totally his own.” 

“Wow! Constantine the Great? Gosh, that’s 

really – well – great!” Dusty said. “Does an 

Empire come with this?” 



First dates are stressful, and no one 

wants a checklist of do’s and don’ts 

in their head while trying to make a 

good impression. Approach the first 

date with ease, and try to relax. While 

any creative or thoughtful first date 

might go a long way to winning that 

someone’s heart, the wrong move can 

just as easily create a bad impression. 

When planning that memorable first 

outing, avoid a few classic mistakes 

and increase your chances for a second 

date. 

NeVer assuMe oNe oF you 

is PayiNG. 

The one who does the asking, should 

do the paying is an assumption 

that won’t lead to a second date. 

Be prepared for at least going 

Dutch and splitting the bill. If your 

date pays the bill, you can offer 

to pay next time – a great way to 

suggest getting together again. 

And never pay the bill expecting 

that your date will take care of it 

next time. 

NeVer suGGesT MeeTiNG 

FrieNDs or FaMily. 

Accidentally running into friends or 

family during a first date is a great way 

to ensure there won’t be a second. Your 

date will know you’ve set them up, no 

matter how clever you think you are. 

Having your date meet your closest 

confidants only worked at your Senior 

Prom. Don’t pressure them into knowing 

everything about you so quickly. You’ll 

get there in due time. Once the family’s 

involved, you’ll never hear the end of it, 

if the date doesn’t work out. 

First 

Date Faux Pas 

NeVer surPrise soMeoNe 

you DoN’T KNow. 

It’s best to know a little about your 

date’s likes and dislikes before you 

plan a first date. Fish eggs aren’t for 

everyone. Don’t plan to wine and 

dine with caviar and 

champagne if you 

haven’t asked first. 

A kayaking trip with 

a non-swimmer, a 

mountain hike with 

someone who’s 

afraid of heights, 

or a foreign film with a date who likes 

action movies, can all spell disaster. 

NeVer TalK JusT To KeeP 

THe CoNVersaTioN GoiNG. 

First dates are filled with awkward 

pauses and silent moments. There 

is nothing worse than someone who 

talks incessantly. Unless something 

really interesting happened at work, 

don’t talk about your job. And no one 

wants to hear about your problems on 

a first date. Keep it positive and try to 

be a good listener too. If you’re getting 

yawns from across the table, it’s best to 

change the subject. 

Tell THe TruTH, eVeN iF iT 

HurTs. 

There will be a lot of questions and 

answers on your first date. Tell the 

truth, no matter what the question is. If 

you’re honest, you’ll show that you’re 

serious about wanting a relationship. If 

you lie, you’ll eventually get caught, 

and have a lot of explaining to do. 

aND NeVer lie aBouT... 

According to Men’s Health 

Magazine, 37-percent of 

American men lie about the 

size of their manhood. Should 

your relationship progress to 

an intimate place, it won’t be 

difficult to figure out where your 

shortcomings are. 

Try NoT To sNeaK 

sex iNTo THe 

CoNVersaTioN. 

If you’re both feeling it, odds 

are the sex will happen when 

it’s meant to. Sneaking hints 

and sexual inuendo into 

“getting to know you” banter 

isn’t sexy - it’s desperate. If 

you’re looking for a hook up, 

head to a bar or find a quickie online. 

If you want something more, lines like 

“Do you want to come up to my place?” 

when the first date is ending, probably 

won’t land you a second date. 

Post your online or voicemail profile for 

FREE on Megamates and Gaymates. 

Our phone dating line and online dating 

website offer singles a fun, interactive 

place to call, chat, and connect. It’s 

free to setup and maintain a mailbox or 

online account, free to record a public 

message and free to browse other 

caller’s profiles and messages. Call 

1-888-MEGAMATES, use FREE 

code 7286 or visit us online at www. 

megamates.com 


C O M I N G S O O N 

RODEO KicK-OFF PARTy 

N E W S & V I E W S 



1. 

2. 2. 

3. 3. 

4. 

4. 

5. 

5. 

6. 

6. 

7. 

7. 

8. 

8. 

9. 

9. 

10. 

10. 

C 

11. 

11. 

12. 

12. 

13. 

13. 

14. 

14. 

15. 15. 

16. 

17. 

18. 

19. 19. 

20. 20. 

21. 

21. 

22. 

22. 

23. 

23. 

24. 

25. 

24. 

26. 

25. 

27. 

26. 

28. 

27. 

29. 

28. 

30. 

IoNPhOeNIX 

Amsterdam 718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix (602) 258-6122 

Apollo’s 5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 277-9373 

Bar Babylon 1 Showclub 3613 3708 E N. Van 16th Buren, St. - Phoenix Phoenix, AZ‎ (602) 306-1000‎ 266-9001 

BS 

Bar 

West 

1 3702 

7125 

N. 

E. 

16th 

5th Ave. 

St. - 

- 

Phoenix 

Scottsdale 

(602) 

(480) 945-9028 

266-9001 

Bunkhouse 

BS West 

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix 

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale 

(602) 200-9154 

(480) 945-9028 

Cash Inn 

Bunkhouse 

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix 


(602) 244-9943 

(602) 200-9154 

Charlie’s 

Cash Inn 

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix 


(602) 265-0224 

(602) 244-9943 

Cherry Bar 1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 277-7729 

Charlie’s 727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix (602) 265-0224 

Cherry Lounge Every Thursday starting January 11th - Mill Ave. in Tempe 

Cherry Bar 1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 277-7729 

The Chute Men’s Club 1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 234-1654 

Cruisin’ 7th 3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 212-9888 

Clarendon Hotel 401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix (602) CLARENDON 

Dick’s Cabaret 

Club Vibe 

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix 

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix 

(602) 274-DICK 

(602) 224-9977 

Flex Private Men’s Club 

Cruisin’ 7th 

1517 S Black Canyon Hwy - Phoenix 

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix 

(602) 271-9011 

(602) 212-9888 

Forbidden 


6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale 

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix 

forbiddenaz.com 

(602) 274-DICK 

The 

Harley’s 

Door 

Bistro 

1126 N. Scottsdale Rd. - Tempe (480) 967-DOOR 

Forbidden icepics videobar 3108 6820 E. McDowell 5th Ave. - Scottsdale Rd. - Phoenix (602) forbiddenaz.com 267-8707 

Homme Incognito 2424 138 W. E. Camelback Thomas Rd. Rd. - Phoenix - Phoenix (602) 955-9805 266-0875 

icepics Karamba videobar 1724 3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 254-0231 267-8707 

Incognito Kobalt 3110 2424 N. E. Central Thomas Ave. Rd. - Phoenix (602) 955-9805 264-5307 

Karamba Nu Towne 5002 1724 E E. Van McDowell Buren St, Rd. Phoenix, - Phoenix AZ‎ (602) 254-0231 267-9959 

Kobalt OZ 1804 3110 W. N. Central Bethany Ave. Home - Phoenix Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114 264-5307 

OZ 1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114 

Paradise Adult Boutique 130 W. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix (602) 266-5869 

Plazma 

Plazma 

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix 

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix 

(602) 266-0477 

(602) 266-0477 

Pumphouse II 

Pumphouse II 



(602) 275-3509 

(602) 275-3509 

Retro Bar 3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix 

Radisson Phoenix City Center 3600 N. 2nd Ave. - Phoenix 

(602) 493-0355 

(602) 604-4900 

The Rock 4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 248-8559 

Rainbow Cactus 15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix (602) 867-2463 

Roscoe’s 4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 285-0833 

The Rock 4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 248-8559 

Rainbow Cactus 15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix (602) 867-2463 

Roscoe’s 

Velocity 

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix 


(602) 285-0833 

(602) 956-2885 

Velocity 

Wild Card 


801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler 

(602) 956-2885 

(480) 857-3088 

Z Girl Club 

Z Girl Club 



(602) 265-3233 

(602) 265-3233 


R 

R 

R 

R 

PHOENIX 

Amsterdam 

Apollo’s* 

Babylon 

BS West* 

Charlie’s 

Cruisn’ 7th 


FEZ 

Forbidden 

icepics 

The Leathermen 

Maizie’s 

Mi Patio 

Karamba 

Pumphouse II 

The Rock 

Roscoe’s* 

R Switch 

R Ticoz 

R 

IoNbAr GuIDe 

FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY 

Amsterdam’s Signature Night Dance - No Cover! 

Arts, Industry & ION VIP Night 

Happy Hour 4-7pm 

$3 Smirnoff cocktails until Mid. 1/2 price drinks *KARAOKE* 

Comedy Clips 6pm 

$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p $1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p 

Karaoke 9pm 

Karaoke 9pm 

Male Strippers 10:30pm 

Friday 10pm - 2am 

Saturday Neveahest 

Sunday Sexy Salsa lessons 

Pandemonium with Pandora Dance party and contests with Sal Monella! 

FUBAR with Elements 9:45p 2-4-1 everything all night Karaoke 9pm 

$5 you call it drink & $3 beers Go-go dancers - A new tradition $1 Miller Lite drafts 

$3 pitchers/2-4-1 well/dom 2-7p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 12-7p Volleyball 4-7pm, NEW 3-4-1 

$1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours $3 Long Islands, $3 pitchers 

Fridays 

$2.50 well & domestic 2-7pm 

2-4-1 VIP Dances 

7pm ‘til 9pm 

EZ Happy Hour 4-6:30pm 

2-4-1 well, draft, beer & marg. 

Fresh Fridays 

Red Cup Party w/ refills all night 

MEAT - Go Go Boys/Strippers 

$3 Wells, $4 Lng Isl., $2 Dom. 

Velocity 

10:30p - 1:30a 

Happy Hour 

3-6pm Everyday 

Fridays 

$1.25 Margaritas on the rocks 

Fridays 

$4 Pitchers 

Bottoms Up Fridays 

2-4-1 all drinks 

Karaoke @ 10 Poker @ 7 

$5 Martinis 7pm-midnight 

All Star Grill Specials 

Great Happy Hour 

Fridays 

Open from 11am-Midnight 

Fridays 


Fridays Events TBA 

Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm 

Saturday 


Off the Hook 

Tons of Prizes & Giveaways 

EZ Happy Hour 4-6:30pm 

2-4-1 well, draft, beer & marg. 

The Barbra Seville Show 

DJ Dancing 

The Follies 10pm 

Great SKYY Drink Specials 

Cruisin’ 7th | Plazma 

4:30p - 7:00p | 10:30p - 1:30p 

Happy Hour Brunch 9a-2p 


Saturdays 


Saturdays 

$4 Pitchers 

Hot Bodz Male Revue 

Hosted by Savannah 

Diamond Dolls Mya McKenzie 

$4 Bomber/$3.50 3 Olive Drinks 

All Star Grill 

Opens at 11am 

Saturday 


Saturday $1 brunch drinks 


Saturday Events TBA 


Sundays 


2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances & 

VIP Wristbands 

Uncorked Sundays 

50% off bottles of wine 

Sports Beer Bust Food specials 

Happy Hour 

Legendary Show Tunes Sunday 

$3 Wells/ $1.50 Drafts 

Velocity 

9:00p - 11:00p 

Brunch All Day 

Sundays 


Sundays with Galilea 

$3 pitchers 

Sundays 

Happy Hour All Day! 

Rock your Funday Sunday 

Tea dance, DJ, specials, food 

$8 Sunday Brunch 

$8 Long Island Pitchers 

Sundays 


Sundays $1 brunch drinks 


R FULL MENU * LIMITED MENU/TIMES FREE PROJECT HARD HAT CONDOMS 

Martinis & Manicures 

$5 Martinis 

All Day All Night 

2 for 1 U Call-It Open-Close 

Monday Martini Madness 

w/ the Babylon Boys! 

W.H.O.R.E. Service Industry 

$2 dom $3 well $4 bombers 

Underwear Party 8-cl 1/2 price 

2-8pm $3 pitch. 2-4-1 well/dom 

Mondays 

2-4-1 Well 7pm-9pm 

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances, 

VIP Wristbands 

M3 Mondays 

2-4-1 signature margaritas 

Closed Mondays 

Open Tuesday-Sunday 4p-2a 

Comedy Night 

2-4-1 well / beer (8p-2a) 

Charlie’s 

10:00p- 1:00a 

$3 Bistro Burgers 

$10.00 off of all Bottled Wines 

Mondays 


Closed 

Mondays 

2-4-1 7-close 

Lady’s Night Free pool 

$1 Miller Lite Drft, $4.50 Bomb. 

Monday 

Pool Tournament 

Mondays 


Mondays 


Mondays 


Arts, Industry & ION VIP Night 

1/2 price drinks 

‘Tini Tuesdays 

2-4-1 Call Martinis Open-Close 

Tuesday 8pm - 2am 

$5 U-Call-It 

Community Benefit/Fundraiser 

Book you event @ bswest.com 

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-2 well/dom 

8p-Close 2-4-1 cocktails/dom 

Tuesdays 


Amateur Night 

Starts at 10pm 

Svedka Tuesdays 

$5 Svedka Tuesdays 


Karaoke w/ Brad 9pm 

Mustache Ride First Tuesday 

2-4-1 well / beer 

Tuesday Night Fish & Chips 

Selected Beers $3 Starts @ 5pm 

Tuesdays 


Tejano Tuesdays 

$2 Drinks All Night 

Tuesdays 

Dart tournament 

Guys Night Out 

Happy hour all day long 

2 for Tuesdays 

2-4-1 drinks all day 

Tuesdays 


Tuesdays 

11am-Midnight 

College Night 

1/2 price drinks with student ID 

Glee Reruns 

$4 u-call-it 

Wednesday 8pm - 2am 

2-4-1 

2-4-1 All Day and All Night 

A valley tradion! 

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 

8p-close $3 Pinnacle 

Wednesdays 


S.I.N. Bring Your Dancer ID 

and get VIP Pricing 

Late Night EZ Hour 10-mid 

2-4-1 well, draft, bottle & marg. 


Showroom Trivia 7pm 

Karaoke $4 martinis & Lng Isl. 

$3 Well/$2 Domestic Bottle 

Wednesday BBQ Short Ribs 

Selected Beers $3 Starts @ 5pm 

Wednesdays 


Wednesdays with Diamond 

$2 Drinks All Night 

Wednesdays 

2-4-1 well & domestic 

Industry Night 

$2 Well & Domestic $3 Bombs 

Wednesday 

All Day Happy Hour 

NEW! Sky Lounge Boi Toi Every Thursday www.boitoient.com 

Velocity 

TUCSON 

Woody’s 


Live Soul/Motown 

Happy Hour 11am-8pm 

Show’s at 10pm 


Wednesdays 


Wednesdays 

11am-Midnight 

ION ARIZONA 

Divas Live! 

$3 Diva Shots during the show 

Karaoke 9pm 

Happy Hour 8-8 $2.75 well/dom 

Thursday 8pm - 2am 

NEVAEH’s Drag Show 

Karaoke 9pm 

$2 drafts 

2-4-1 All Day! 

Cocktails and beer 

Thursdays 


Hot Studs All Night Long 

$5.00 Off with VIP Keychain 

Late Night EZ Hour 

2-4-1 well, draft, bottle & marg. 

Inferno Party 

18+ Hotspot 

HOT ASS Best ass wins $100 

2-4-1 well / beer (8p-2a) 

Cruisin’ 7th 

10:30p - 12:30p 

Happy Hour 


Thursdays 


Thursdays with Susanna 

$2 drinks all night 

Hot Bodz Male Revue 

Hosted by Savannah 

Poker Night $3.50 Long Islands 

$1 Off Draft Pitchers 

Thursdays 

2-4-1 7pm 

Thursdays 


Thursdays 

11am-Midnight 

Sundays Beer Bust Underwear Night 8-2a Tuesdays $1 Bud Beer Bust 8-2 Wednesdays 2-4-1 8pm-2am Thurs Weekend Leather Launch 

16oz. Bud & Bud Light Draft 

Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm $2.50 Domestic 8pm-2am 

Tucson’s All Day Party 


Karaoke 


Carribean Party 


Wet & Wild Party 


Thursdays 

Happy Hour 11am-8pm

clubs, resTAurANTs, AND NIGhTlIFe 

1 Ain’t Nobody’s Biz 2900 E. Broadway (520) 318-4838 

2 Colors 5305 E. Speedway (520) 323-1840 

3 Howl at the Moon 915 W. Prince Rd. (520) 293-7339 

4 IBT’s 616 N. 4th Ave. (520) 882-3053 

5 Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant 5900 N. Oracle Rd. (520) 887-3777 

6 Venture-N 1239 N. 6th Ave. (520) 882-8224 

7 Woody’s 3710 N. Oracle Rd. (520) 292-6702 

8 Yard Dog 2449 N. Stone (520) 624-3858 

AccOmODATIONs & lODGING 

IoNTucsON 

1 Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park 445 S. Alvernon Way (520) 881-4200 

2 Embassy Suites 5335 E. Broadway Blvd. (520) 745-2700 

3 La Posada Lodge and Casitas 5900 N. Oracle Rd. (520) 887-4800 

4 Royal Elizabeth B&B 204 S. Scott Ave. (877) 670-9022 

5 The Westin La Paloma 3800 E. Sunrise Dr. (520) 742-6000 



y Addison DeWitt 

Shore and beggorrah. 

Seems that Saint Paddy’s Day 

is upon us once again. And I want all you 

little Irishmen to be extra careful when you 

celebrate with a wee nip here and there. The 

curse of drink is that it makes you quarrel 

with your neighbors and shoot at your friends. 

And miss. 

Our little buckaroos traveled far and wide 

by stagecoach, buckboard, buggy and 

bobtail nag to enjoy the fabulous AGRA 

RoadRunner Regional Rodeo at 

Rawhide! I saw more than a few 

handsome stallions I wouldn’t mind 

getting bucked by. Er, excuse me. 

That was inappropriate. I meant 

to say, “By whom I would not 

mind getting bucked.” There. 

Get outta the saddle 

and sit on a happy 

face! The growing 

popularity of icepics 

videobar’s Mustache 

Ride has hirsute 

and hairless alike 

sporting a crumbcatcher 

for the party. 

My ever-lovin’ pals 

Truett Fuentes, Chris 

Breeden and “Bad Andy” 

(pictured above) always join in the follicular 

frolic with a fanny duster on their upper lips. 

Put on a real of phony nose neighbor and 

come on down! 

Jim McCleary, our beloved ex-pat we 

lost to the bright lights and debauchery, 

returned for a birthday Victory Come-Back 

Tour. Jim and his dishy boyfriend Andrew 

MacArthur celebrated with a drive-bydrinking 

appearance at FEZ with legions of 

their adoring fans, including the smashing 

David Smith, artist Thomas Carlisle and 

the scrummy Jason Brewster. And you can’t 

even imagine how delighted I was to see that 

luscious pearl of a man Tom Awai and his 

darling boyfriend Khan Nguyen. 

Really, you can’t. 


La crème de la crème attended Apollo’s 

Sexiest Bartender Contest where they 

stood cheek-to-jowl, which was convenient 

and lucky because it was a little nippley that 

night. “Fun” Bobby Hess hobnobbed with 

the incradorable (incredible/adorable) Stacey 

Jay Cavaliere. I felt well-guarded against 

snipers and angry readers with Officers 

Tambra Williams and Sanchez there 

available to shoot me before anybody else 

had a chance. Stand in line, kiddos. There 

are plenty out there who’d love to. 

Pumphouse II’s very own 

bartender “Ranger” Dale 

Childress cheered on 

the contestants along 

with my darling Matt 

Little, Jason Carlton 

and the Sudden-Tantastic 

Clayton McKee. 

Hey, Clayton! Quit 

bogarting all the UVAs from 

us paleskins! 

I flirted with Kevin Griffin 

because he was so tipsy he 

couldn’t fight me off and my 

heart skipped a beat for the 

movie-star gorgeous John 

Houghton. I can’t handle that 

kind of temptation, John. But 

everybody knows I’m really 

holding out for Ryan Freeman. Really, I am. I 

adore him and he knows it. 

And this from our “I Can’t Believe It Took This 

Long” file. Our Party Penguin of the Month 

is that born-to-be-wild child, it couldn’t be 

anybody else but Mikey Rodarte! Part man, 

part party animal, and part I-Don’t-Know- 

What and all wonderful. I’ve heard stories 

about him that make weak men faint, and 

strong men gasp. That’s Mikey! You gotta 

love him! Congratulations, darling! 

Tell Addison that you love him. He’s 

emotionally fragile and needs a little 

TLC. Even if you have to lie. Send your 

best thoughts and wishes to him at 

RumorHound@aol.com 

97 


Aries mar. 21 - Apr. 20 

Oh no you didn’t! You leave everybody 

speechless with your hutzpah and cojones 

in sticky situations. If it’s your birthday you 

need to keep your eye on the prize this 

year. You’ll be pleasantly surprised what 

Fate has in store for you. 

Taurus Apr. 21 - may 20 

Bitch, bitch, bitch. That’s all you seem to 

hear these days. But pause and you’ll hear 

the sweet silver song of a lark above all the 

racket. Or you may just keep hearing all 

the bitching. This is your big chance to rise 

above it all. You can do it! 

Gemini may 21 - June 21 

You’ve been accused of lying, cheating, 

indecent exposure and stealing schoolkids’ 

lunch money. It’s natural. You’re a Gemini, 

after all. This month show everybody how 

kind, creative, generous and sweet you are. 

They’ll pay for your dinner and you won’t 

have to steal anymore. 

cancer June 22 - July 22 

With all that talent you could be a musician, 

or an opera singer, or a famous actor. Or 

a stripper. This month it’s up to you to take 

every opportunity presented to you and 

make the most of it. Or go ahead. Be a 

stripper. It’s up to you. 

leo July 23 - Aug. 22 

Behave, you rascal! The sap is running high 

and you’ve only got one thing on your mind. 

But keep your hands to yourself, keep it in 

your pants and keep your legs crossed. Or 

you may get more than you bargained for. 

Relax; you can go crazy next month. 

Virgo Aug. 23 - sep. 22 

All your hard work pays off for you this 

month. It’s like you hit the jackpot in career, 

love and money. Everybody wants to cash 


in on your newfound fabulousness! But be 

judicious how much you share. There are still 

ten more months to go this year. 

libra sep. 23 - Oct. 22 

Hush your mouth! Remember that loose lips 

sink ships. Friends and foes alike hang on 

your every word. You’ve got plenty to say this 

month. So you better make sure it’s all sugar 

coated, sweetie. It’ll be to your advantage. 

scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 

I talked to a Leo and an Aquarian, and they 

don’t want anymore crap from you. Neither 

do all of the Capricorns. Practice smiling 

more and plucking your eyebrows evenly. 

In the long run it’ll pay off. Then you can get 

back to your old tricks again. 

sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 

I can’t find anything in the stars that will help 

you this month. You seem to lead a charmed 

life. You’re witty, good looking, smart, and 

cats and dogs all seem to love you. Share 

your secret with the Universe this month and 

give everybody else some pointers. 

capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 

Every time you learn something new it seems 

like everybody benefits. Except for the time 

you learned how to shoot a bb gun. Not so 

good. But this month you bring extra special 

gifts to the table. You’ll see. 

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 

Sometimes you’re a genius, then other 

times, it’s like you’ve gone off the deep end. 

Which is it this month? Are you Einstein or 

King George III? Try being creative with long 

division and lipstick this month. It’ll make you 

feel better. Geminis love a kook. 

Pisces Feb. 20 - mar. 20 

Bite someone. March in a parade. Say something 

inappropriate at the table. Create a 

commotion. You do, anyway. Ethical actions 

and solutions never seem to bother you, do 

they? If it’s your birthday, get that piercing 

you always wanted. No tattoos.

OUTRAGEOUS! - ION Arizona Magazine

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?