OUTRAGEOUS! - ION Arizona Magazine

December 2012 www.IONAZ.cOm 1

2 www.IONAZ.cOm December 2012 December 2012 www.IONAZ.cOm 3

Friday the 7th - Mr. Charlie’s December 9pm 

Saturday the 8th - Phoenix Metro Men’s Chorus Show 10pm 

Sunday the 9th - Arizona Gay Rodeo Association 

Christmas Party and Turnabout Show 8pm 

Monday the 10th - Arizona Gay Sports Teams 

Tuesday the 11th - Country Idol Night 

Wednesday the 12th - Mexican Christmas with Claudia B. 10pm 

Thursday the 13th - An Evening with Joshua Tree 

Friday the 14th - Mr. Charlie’s Man of the Year Finals 9pm 

Saturday the 15th - Community Church of Hope 

Sunday the 16th - Motown Christmas Show w/ Devina Ross 8pm 

Monday the 17th - Bunkhouse Bartenders Turnaround 

Tuesday the 18th - Charlie’s Employee Christmas Show 9pm 

Wednesday the 19th - Claudia B.’s Christmas Show 10pm 

Thursday the 20th - Arizona Heatwave 

& Winter White Party! 

Friday the 21st - IT SNOWS AT CHARLIE’S 

Saturday the 22nd - Christmas on the Patio 

Sunday the 23rd - Pussy LeHoot’s Christmas Show 8pm 

Monday the 24th - Christmas Eve Midnight Candlelight 

Ceremony with Rev. Patrick Stout & Claudia B. 

Tuesday the 25th - Merry Christmas 

from the Staff of Charlie’s - Open 6pm 

Free Champagne & Party Favors at Midnight 

Monday the 31st - New Years Eve Countdown with PussyLeHoot 

Fabulous Champagne Show with 

Pussy, Claudia, & Barbra at 2pm 

Tuesday the 1st - Happy New Year! Open at 2pm

28th ANNIVERSARY 

C H A R L I E ’ S P H X 


The Most Wonderful 

Time of the Year! 

My editor told me not 

to mention the weather 

so much in my article. So I 

won’t tell you how awesome the 

weather is now in Arizona. He suggested 

not to mention the election so I won’t 

discuss how our community kicked ass 

last month. He also urges me to use more 

contractions, so hopefully you’ll love my 

future articles and he’ll be happy that I don’t 

spell out every word. He’s the best editor 

we’ve had so I’ll take his advice. [Thank’s, 

Jack! Smart aleck! — Ed.] 

December means the beginning of one of 

the most enjoyable seasons. As we begin 

the parade of holidays and events, we can 

look forward to a great 2013. Not only does 

this issue contain a complete listing of all 

the great holiday parties and events in our 

special feature “The Countdown is ION” but 

also the Cool List, an interview with fashion 

mavens Tom + Lorenzo, as well all the 

useful ION guides. 

Recently a member of our community, 

Austin Head, was violently attacked 

because he’s Gay. Fortunately, he’s still 

with us. We’re very thankful for his safety, 

and glad he’s encouraged members of our 

community not to be afraid. 

So we propose to you - live life to its fullest, 

take care of your self, and be careful out 

there. We need you! 

Sincerely, 

Jack M. Tesorero 

Publisher 


3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012 

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 

www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com 

PublIsher / FOuNDer 

Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jacktesorero@me.com 

creATIVe DIrecTOr 

Kevin Bushaw ........................................ kbushaw@me.com 

eDITOr 

Deon Brown ....................................... ionazeditor@me.com 

cOPY eDITOr 

Austin Head 

PrODucTION AssIsTANTs 

Chance Gullon Scott Taylor 

PrODucTION & ArTwOrk submIssIONs 

ionazproduction@me.com 

ADVerTIsINg sAles 

Jack Tesorero ............................................... (602) 750-1164 

Danny Catt, Regional Sales Director ............ (520) 429-5905 

ionazsales@me.com 

ADVerTIsINg cONsulTANT 

Bill Knoop ..................................................... (602) 301-8457 

PhOTOgrAPhers: 

Fernando Hernandez Jerry O’Conner 

Danny Catt Devin Mitchell 

Cover photo by Fernando Hernandez 

Art by Kevin Bushaw 

NATIONAl ADVerTIsINg rePreseNTATIVe 

Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 

Wes Bergman 

Addison DeWitt 

Jackson David Kelly 

C. Edwards 

Robert Hoffman 

cONTrIbuTOrs: 

Published monthly by 

Ted Kirby 

Kim Ruff 

Paul Sanchez 

Joey Sarandos 

Alekzander Shaw 

1995-2012: 17 Years of Design and Creative Excellence 

© 2012 JMT Designs, Inc. 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ 

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine 

remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, 

altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. 

Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. 

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily 

reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent 

company. 

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization 

within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication 

of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To 

our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION 

Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted 

by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and 

they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see 

a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will 

remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, 

and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding 

that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper 

written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials 

of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for 

unlawful use of such content. 


OZ bar 

Enjoy that “simple air of savoir-faire at the merry 

old bar of Oz!” Check out their Poker Tour with sexy 

go-go boys Fri-Sat from 7-10. Come to the Pot Luck on 

Christmas; Oz provides the ham! Don’t miss the New 

Year’s Eve Bash with 2-4-1 U-Call-Its, party favors, 

appetizers and a champagne toast at midnight. Enjoy 

Happy Hour everyday from 6 a.m. - 8 p.m., 2-4-1, free darts, 

free pool, free wi-fi! 1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. 602-242-5114 

OZbarPhx.com See ads on pp. 3, 4, 5, 6, 22, 35. 

men of homorodeo.com 

Yee-haw! C’mon, pilgrims! Meet the cowboys who 

are part of the MenofHomoRodeo.com Calendar 

on Friday, December 7, 7 p.m. at Bar1! Get your 

calendar, a few sexy snapshots and enjoy a 

sarsparilla with specials at Bar1. 3782 N. 16th St. 

Phoenix 602-266-9881 Bar1Bar.com 

See ad on p. 92 

Phoenix men’s 

chorus 

“Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!” Join the 

musical Partridges in Pear Trees from the Phoenix Men’s 

Chorus singing, “Fire & Ice: Singing Down the Stars” this 

holiday season John Paul Theatre, Phoenix College 1202 

W. Thomas Rd. PhoenixMensChorus.org December 14, 

15, 16, 18. See ad on p. 18 

Austin head’s end of Days cabaret 

The End is Near! Chief Priestess, Barbra Seville, hosts this ruckus spectacle 

of live show: Scandalesque, Strange Family Circus, SambAZ Brazilian 

Dancers, Pandora DeStrange, Austin Head and more will all be raising 

hell for the End of the World! Friday, December 21 at Crescent 

Ballroom. 308 N. 2nd Ave. Phoenix. 602-716-2222. Teaser 

Video & Tix at EndOfDays2012.com. See ad on p. 93 

sexy santa at Tuc 

Naughty or nice? Somewhere in between? Let Sexy Santa 

decide, little boys and girls! See what this stud’s got for 

you when you sit on his lap. He might give you a pony! Or 

a fire truck! Or maybe a hard-on. Seriously. It all happens 

on Saturday, December 22 from 4-7 p.m. 4700 N. Central 

Ave. at Highland Ave. 602-274-8268 See ad on p. 36 

DECEMBER 2012 ION EVENTS LISTINGS 

DATE EVENT LOCATION CITY 

Fri. Thank DiVa It’s Friday Woody’s Phoenix 

7 Men of HomoRodeo.com Bar1 Phoenix 

7 Holiday Extravaganza The Rock Phoenix 

7-1/1 19 Days of Christmas Charlie’s Phoenix 

8 Boys of Leather & Nasty Santa Anvil Phoenix 

8 Festival of Trees Renaissance Hotel Phoenix 

9 Raise The Roof Chili Cook Off Apollo’s Lounge Phoenix 

9 Desert Overture Christmas Concert Central High School Phoenix 

12 Customer Appreciation Party BS West Scottsdale 

13 Gay Comedy Night Comedy Spot Scottsdale 

13 Art Show & Wine Tasting Harley’s Bistro Phoenix 

14, 15 VIP Party Dick’s Cabaret Phoenix 

14 White Trash Xmas Apollo’s Phoenix 

15 4th Annual Black Party Karamba Phoenix 

15 Fur Ball Anvil Phoenix 

16 4th Annual Posada Navideña Karamba Phoenix 

16 Talent Show icepics 

18 Mustache Ride icepics videobar Phoenix 

21 Not the End of the World Party Bar1 Phoenix 

21 Debauchery Party Anvil Phoenix 

21 Doomsday Party Apollo’s Phoenix 

22 End of the World Party BS West Scottsdale 

22 Sexy Santa Tan United Phoenix 

thru 30 Las Noches de las Luminarias Phoenix p.2 

25 Nightmare on Christmas BS West Scottsdale 

29 Retro Game Show Night Club Congress Tucson 

JANUARY 

3-6 Mr. Phoenix Leather 2013 Apollo’s, Anvil, Apollo’s, etc. 


APRIL 6 & 7, 2013 

Noon - 9PM 

Steele Indian School Park 

www.phoenixpride.org 

APRIL 6, 2013 

Step Off 10AM 

3rd Street & Thomas 


T.D.I.F. Thank Diva 

It’s Friday! 

You can’t buy entertainment like this! But a big, fat tip is 

always appreciated! Come see Tucson’s own Miss Gay 

Arizona America, the incomparable Diva, when she ends 

the week with a bang at Woody’s as she hosts Thank 

DiVa It’s Friday every Friday from 9 p.m.-12 midnight. 

Drink specials all day and all night long, too! 

3710 N. Oracle Rd., Tucson. 520-292-6702 

MyWoodysAZ.com 

DECEMBER 2012 ION DRAG LISTINGS 

DATe TIme lOcATION shOw / PerFOrmer(s) 

Tues 4 10:30pm Karamba Miss Karamba (Miss Phoenix Gay Pride Prelim) 

Fri 7 10:00pm OZ BAr A Beary Merry Christmas Drag Show 

Fri 7 TBA Cruisin’ 7th Miss Cruisin’ 7th (Miss Phoenix Gay Pride Prelim) 

Tues 11 10:30pm Karamba Mister Karamba (Mister Gay Phoenix Prelim) 

Wed 12 TBA Karamba Celeste’s Birthday Bash 

Fri 14 10:00pm The Rock Juke Joint - All Live Singing 

Wed 19 10:00pm Charlie’s Claudia B.’s Christmas Show 

Sun 23 8:00pm Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot’s Christmas Show 

Tues 25 8:30pm BS West Nightmare on Christmas Holiday Show 

Mon 31 9:00pm The Rock The Jackie & Olive Show 

Mon 31 TBA Cruisin’ 7th NYE with the Fabulous Mia Adams! 

Mon 31 TBA Apollo’s NYE Party Like There’s No To-Maya with Ajia, Nevaeh & Tyra 

Tues 1/1 2:00pm Charlie’s Fabulous Champagne Show with Pussy, Claudia & Barbra 

Tues 1/1 TBA Karamba New Year’s Day Savannah Show 

WEEKLY SHOWS 

Mondays 9:00pm The Rock It’s Bingo, Bitches! with Kendra & Aimee 

Mondays 10:00pm Charlie’s Barbra Seville w/ Strippers! 

Mondays 10:00pm Apollo’s Naughty or Nice Bingo 

Wednesdays 9:00pm IBT’s Viva La Diva with Janee Star 

Wednesdays 9:00pm The Rock Open Wide Wednesdays 

Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba Girls of Karamba - Adrian Galiano, Karime Lizaldi, & Celeste Montiel 

Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s Claudia B. & Company 

Thursdays 9:00pm The Rock Catia Lee Love 

Thursdays 10:30pm Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds 

Fridays 10:00pm Woody’s T.D.I.F. (Thank DiVa It’s Friday!) 

Fridays 9:00pm IBT’s Absolutely Flawless with China Collins 

Fridays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th Miss Dottie Pepper 

Fridays 9:00pm BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers 

Saturdays 9:00pm IBT’s Starrletts with Janee Star 

Saturdays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams 

Saturdays 10:00pm The Rock The Barbra Seville Show 

Saturdays 10:00pm icepics The Olivia Gardens Show / A Touch of Soul with Maraya Jordan 

Saturdays 9:30pm Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show 

1st & 3rd Sun. 12:30pm Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Morning Madness with Miss Dottie Pepper 

Sundays 8:3:0pm Apollo’s Monthly Drag Shows (A Different Show Every Week!) 

Sundays 8:30pm Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends 

Sundays 10:30pm Karamba Diamond’s Show 



A John 

Water’s Christmas 

The Pope of Sleaze who made “trash” one percent more respectable 

brings his own twisted kind of Holiday Cheer to town. John Waters, the creator 

of “Hairspray” and “Pink Flamingos” celebrates Christmas on Saturday, December 8 at the 

Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts at 7380 E. 2nd St. ScottsdalePerformingArts.org 

or call 480-499-TKTS. Extra filth, no charge. 

The Addams Familly: a musical 

They’re creepy and they’re kooky. Mysterious and spooky. Yep, 

the original “Goths” are coming to town in a nutty musical comedy 

where you’ll laugh yourself to death! Catch Gomez, Morticia and the 

macabre clan December 11-16 at ASU Gammage, 1200 S. Forest 

in Tempe. Visit ASUGammage.com or call 480-965-3434. We’ll leave 

the lights off for you. 

Maryanne Marttini 

She admits that she’s a “very special girl.” And she certainly is! This Funny 

Lady favorite has appeared at Charlie’s, Friends with Celia Putty and now 

you can catch her show, “Living in the LOOP - Land of Old People.” Find out 

how special—and hilarious—Maryanne is on Sunday, December 16 at The 

Comedy Spot. 7117 E. 3rd St. 480-945-4422 

DECEMBER 2012 ION THEATER + STANDUP 

DATe eVeNT lOcATION PhONe 

1-22 Jane Austen’s Emma: a musical Tucson Temple of Music & Art 520-622-2823 

1-16 The Snow Queen - ballet Herberger Theatre 602-258-9481 

4-5 Cirque du Soleil Mesa Arts Ctr. 480-644-6500 

7-22 iTheatre’s Christmas Cabaret Herberger Theatre 602-258-9481 

6-9 Cirque du Soleil Orpheum Theatre 602-262-7272 

8 A John Waters Christmas Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 480-499-TKTS 

thru 16 Wolves Stray Cat Theatre 480-634-6435 

11-16 The Addams Family: a musical ASU Gammage 480-965-3434 

15 Moscow Ballet’s Nutcracker Comerica Theatre 602-379-2888 

16 Maryanne Marttini Comedy Spot Comedy Club 480-945-4422 

16-1/20 My Mother’s Italian ... Herberger Theatre 602-258-9481 

thru 22 A Christmas Carol SW Shakespeare Co. 602-505-1202 

18-23 Christmas Catechism: Magi’s Gold Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 480-499-TKTS 

22 Louis CK Celebrity Theatre 602-267-1600 

thru 30 Annie AZ B’way Theatre 623-776-8400 

28-31 Ralphie May StandUp Live 480-719-1600 

JANUARY 2013 

3-20 Jane Austen’s “Emma” - a musical AZ Theatre 602-256-6995 

11-2/2 Nearly Naked presents Equus Phoenix Theatre Little Theatre 602-254-2151 


BEARRACUDA 

T H E R O C K 


La La Land Music Festival 

Wow! You won’t want to miss this magnificent event! 

Imagine three stages and 30 DJs spinning the hottest 

tracks. Throw in a bunch of sexy go-go dancers, 

amazing theatrical performers, dance crews, and 

10,000 beautiful people and you’ve got the La La Land 

Music Festival. The funky shit goes down on Friday, 

December 7 at the Phoenix Convention Center, 100 N. 3rd 

St. Go to LaLaLandMusicFestival.com for more. 

Clay Aiken 

Listen up, Claymates! American Idol runner-up, Celebrity 

Apprentice and Broadway star Clay Aiken brings his golden 

voice to town where he’ll ring in the holiday season with 

his “Joyful Noise” tour! Little old ladies love him, and you’ll 

like him, too! Catch this snappy ginger on December 20 at 

the Wild Horse Pass Casino & Showroom. 5040 Wild Horse 

Pass Blvd. in Chandler. For tix call 877-840-0457 

The Tenors 

These Canadian national treasures offer up a Christmas 

Spectacular of song for the Holidays! The Tenors’ eclectic 

blend of classical and contemporary pop bring the sounds 

of the season to town on Saturday, December 15 at 

8:30 p.m. at the Carefree Resort & Conference Center 

Opera House at 37220 Mule Train Rd. Purchase tix at 

ProTixOnline.com or make a weekend of it and stay at the 

resort. Special packages are available at Carefree-Resort.com 

DECEMBER 2012 ION CoNCERT CALENDAR 

DATe ArTIsT lOcATION PhONe 

6 Bruce Springsteen Jobing.com Arena 800-745-3000 

7 La La Land Music Festival Phx Convention Ctr. 800-745-3000 

7 Chris Isaak Celebrity Theatre 602-267-1600 

8 Alice Cooper’s Xmas Pudding Comerica Theatre 602-379-2888 

9 Desert Overtures Central High School DesertOverture.org 

9 Leann Rimes Mesa Arts 480-644-6500 

9 Barry Manilow Comerica Theatre 602-379-2888 

14-16 Fire & ice: Phx Men’s Choir Phx College 602-228-5587 

15 The Tenors Carefree Resort & Conference Ctr. 480-488-5300 

15 Randy Travis Wild Horse Pass Casino 877-840-0457 

18 Brian Setzer Orchestra Celebrity Theatre 602-267-1600 

20 Clay Aiken Wild Horse Pass Casino 877-840-0457 

30 Chaka Khan Talking Stick Resort 800-745-3000 



UNIFORM NIGHT 

T H E A N V I L B A R 

by Jackson David Kelly 

jacksonkelly@cox.net 

Yo, DJ! 

what’s New? 

Alicia keys 

Keeping with 

Girl On Fire 

tradition, my top 

Alicia calls this 

albums of 2012. 

project the new her 

#1 – Keane – 

and draws on recent 

Strangeland As 

worldly travels for 

previously reviewed, 

inspiration. Not 

each of Keane’s 

only are we treated with the powerful albums have been career changers 

anthems and ballads we expect, but we although they became lost after their first 

are also gifted with uplifting, perfectly two releases. With Strangeland they found 

evolved sounds of percussion, reggae, amazing magic and created an album 

electro-R&B and soul as influenced by that is a culmination of Fears and Iron 

Frank Ocean and UK sensation Emeli Sea. “You Are Young” and “Silenced by 

Sande. “Brand New Me” haunts with the Night” are catchy and smart all while 

a dark piano riff while “Listen to your setting the tone for the rest of the album. 

Heart” almost sounds danceable with The mid-tempo builder “Neon River” seals 

its disco-like infusion. Then there’s the deal. Then there’s “Sovereign Light 

“Not Even the King” and “Girl on Fire” Café,” this album’s best track and—dare 

with Nicki Minaj that says, “I can be I say it?—their best ever! Truly 2012’s #1 

contemporary, current and loved.” album—one that will become a classic 

GRADE: Brihanna 

and one that will make you say, “Coldplay 

who?” GRADE: A 

Unapologetic #2 – Gotye – Making Mirrors 

She’s done the #3 – Muse – 2 

unthinkable; seven 

albums in seven 

years. Though they 

haven’t all been 

cohesive concepts, this one shows RiRi 

growing up in a big way. Complete with 

14 tracks, Rihanna enlists David Guetta, 

Eminem and Chris Brown to give life to 

this diverse offering of anger, love and 

fun all without remorse or fear of criticism. 

Lead single “Diamonds” is pure 

heaven and gives the listener a glimpse 

of this new girl while the standout “Get 

It Over With” showcases Rihanna’s perfectly 

caressed vocals around a sound 

and vibe. For those nay-sayers regarding 

Brown, be prepared to be amazed 

with their collaboration “Nobody’s Biz.” 

GRADE: B 

32 www.IONAZ.cOm December 2012 December 2012 www.IONAZ.cOm 33 

nd Law 

#4 – Madonna – MDNA 

#5 – Morton Harket – Out of my Hands 

#6 – Ellie Goulding – Halcyon 

#7 – Kimbra – Vows 

#8 – Chicane – Thousand Mile Stare 

#9 – Norah Jones – Little Broken Hearts 

#10 – John Mayer – Born & Raised 

Honorable Mention – Scissor Sisters’ 

Magic Hour; Frank Ocean’s Channel 

Orange & Santigold’s Master of my Make 

Believe 

Happy Holidays to you all! Don’t forget to 

check out new material from Anastacia, 

Ke$ha, Melanie Amaro (x-factor), Wiz 

Khalifa, Chevelle, Lifehouse and Bruno 

Mars. Stay tuned for January’s issue and 

my top 10 singles of 2012!


One appointment. Expert doctors. Convenient services. 

Mark A. Wyse, M.D. Ira H. Ungar, M.D. Karin O’Clair, D.O. Kate Montgomery, FNP Heidi Ungar, D.O. 

Allan Goldman, D.O. David Francyk, D.O. T.E. McCauley, M.D. Charles Levison, M.D. John Stathakis, D.O. 

Because caring for your health has always been 

our passion, we’ve made the following services 

conveniently available in our office. 

• Excellent care for all ages 

• Same day appointments 

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• Dermal fillers Perlane and Restylane 

• Botox and Obagi skin care now available 

Celebrating 43 years of family care 

4350 E. Camelback Rd., Ste F100 

Phoenix, AZ 85018 

602.955.8700 • FPSAZ.com 

What Ever 

Happened 

to Baby 

Jane? 

by Wes Bergman 

wesobergman@yahoo.com 

Starring: Bette 

Davis, Joan 

Crawford 

“I only want to talk 

about the nice things!” Twelve 

years after Gloria Swanson 

terrified us with her macabre 

descent down her spiral 

staircase (and into madness) 

in Sunset Boulevard, aging 

Hollywood stars, Bette Davis 

and Joan Crawford, starred 

in perhaps one of the most 

disturbing “Hag Horror” films of 

the era, What Ever Happened 

to Baby Jane? Davis (Dark 

Victory) and Crawford (Mildred Pierce), 

star as Baby Jane and Blanche Hudson, 

respectively, one a washed-up former 

vaudevillian child star and the other a 

successful film star until a suspicious 

automobile accident cripples her. 

Long since retired, they share a house 

where Blanche spends most of her time 

confined to a wheelchair in her bedroom. 

The jealous Jane, a grotesque shadow of 

her childhood-self, still wears the same 

ghastly make-up and trademark blonde 

ringlets, is mentally unbalanced and 

tortures her sweet sister. A neighbor, the 

maid and a musician only complicate 

things for Jane. 

Like Sunset Boulevard, there’s a certain 

meta-film aspect to this story—Davis and 

Crawford were notorious rivals and the 

animosity of the fictional sisters wasn’t 

much of a stretch for either actress. 

Now film buffs can see the 

thinly-veiled contempt in 

all its glory for its 50th 

Anniversary release, 

now on Blu-ray! Includes 

documentary profiles, 

commentary and tons 

of extras. A Gay camp 

classic! 

Sunset 

Boulevard 

Starring: Gloria 

Swanson, William 

Holden, Erich von 

Stroheim 

“I am big. It’s the 

pictures that got small!” 

Billy Wilder’s famous 

film noir about the decay 

of old Hollywood, Sunset 

Boulevard has been newly 

restored and packaged on Blu-ray just 

in time for the holiday season. B-movie 

writer, Joe Gillis (Holden, The Bridge 

on the River Kwai), hasn’t sold a script 

and is on the lam from creditors when 

he happens upon a crumbling palatial 

mansion on Sunset Boulevard. Within 

he finds delusional Norma Desmond 

(Swanson, Queen Kelly), an aging 

Hollywood superstar has-been who lives 

among the moldering vestiges of her 

once illustrious silent film career with 

her creepy, Teutonic butler, Max (von 

Stroheim.) Gillis becomes embroiled 

in a relationship that ultimately costs 

him his life (not a spoiler; you find out 

he’s dead in the first scene.) Ironically, 

the film, which focuses on a 50 yearold 

former silent film star, became the 

best-known work of Gloria Swanson, a 

(then) 50-year-old silent film star. Packed 

with over two hours of rare bonus 

materials including a deleted scene. A 

“must have.” 



The 

Hobbit: An 

Unexpected 

Journey 

Starring: Martin Freeman, 

Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage, 

Andy Serkis, Aidan Turner 

Before Frodo Baggins was enlisted to 

find and destroy the one ring designed 

to bind and rule us all, there was 

his uncle, Bilbo Baggins, who had a 

noteworthy adventure of his own. Called 

upon by Gandalf (McKellen), whom I’ve 

become convinced just likes to take 

advantage of Hobbits’ good natures, 

Bilbo (Freeman, Love Actually), 

must liberate the lost Dwarf 

Kingdom of Erebor from Smaug, 

an aptly-named dragon. Directed 

by Peter Jackson, The Hobbit: 

An Unexpected Journey, promises 

to dazzle and excite crowds as much 

as the Lord of the Rings Trilogy did, 

featuring many of our favorite places 

and faces from Middle Earth. Release 

Date: 12/14 

On the Road 

Starring: Sam Riley, 

Garrett Hedlund, 

Kristen Stewart, 

Kirsten Dunst 

Based on Jack Kerouac’s 

semi-autobiographical novel 

that encapsulated the experiences 

of the Beat Generation, On the Road 

is directed by Walter Salles (The 

Motorcycle Diaries) and stars Sam 

Riley (Control) as Kerouac’s literary 

doppelganger, Sal Paradise. Devastated 

by a divorce, Sal, a struggling young 

by Kimberly M. Ruff 

kimberlymruff@yahoo.com 

writer, meets the free-spirited Dean 

Moriarty (Hedlund, Tron: Legacy) 

who encourages Sal to hit the 

road for a series of adventures in 

his quest for “it”—the experience 

of having experiences without 

being tethered by convention or 

tradition in the manner that typified 

the lives of the post-war generation. 

Throughout their adventures,Sal’s 

struggles eventually give way to a growing 

disillusionment with Dean as he begins 

to realize Dean’s lack of commitment 

translates to everything—including people. 

Kristen Stewart and Kirsten Dunst costar. 

Release Date: 12/21 

Django Unchained 

Starring: Jamie Foxx, 

Leonardo DiCaprio, 

Christoph Waltz, Samuel 

L. Jackson 

Quentin Tarantino, 

the visionary behind 

Jackie Brown, returns to 

the silver screen with the most 

blacksploitationy of blacksploitation films, 

Django Unchained. Set two years before 

the Civil War, Academy Award winner, 

Jamie Foxx (Ray) stars as Django, a 

slave who is acquired by the German-born 

bounty hunter, Dr. King Schultz (Waltz, 

Inglourious Basterds), under the pretense 

that should Django assist him in finding 

the murderous Brittle Brothers, he’ll be 

freed. Though success grants Django 

his freedom, he continues to partner 

with Schultz and together they go after 

a target that is the subject of Django’s 

vengeance, Calvin Candie (DiCaprio), a 

cruel slave owner who acquired Django’s 

wife, Broomhilda (Kerry Washington) and 

is the owner of “Candyland,” a plantation 

where slaves are trained for bloodsport. 

Samuel L. Jackson co-stars. Release 

Date: 12/25 


Let’s just get this 

out of the way: I 

watch way too much 

television. That’s the 

only thing to comfort 

me at night. So this 

qualifies me to review 

TV and there might 

be spoilers; at least I’m 

warning you now. 

Mark your calendars, ladies and 

lady boys! Your favorite winebingers 

of Cougar Town are 

back January 8 on TBS. 

Yes, you read that correctly 

TBS. Cougar Town will start 

their fourth season and our 

favorite cul-de-sac crew is sure 

to bring us more wine drinking 

and Penny Can. The writers and 

the critics hate the show title but who’s 

against controversy to garner ratings? 

Let’s embark on this journey by popping 

several bottles of wine, sitting back on 

that couch and tossing a couple pennies 

at our coffee can. 

Last season we left off with Jules Cobb, 

(Courtney Cox of Friends) getting 

married to her neighbor Grayson Ellis 

(Josh Hopkins). What comes next? 

I don’t know, but when you have the 

writers who worked on Scrubs guest star 

on Cougar Town you know it’ll always 

be good and heartwarming. The series 

show stealers are Ellie Torres (Christa 

Miller) and our “jelly bean” Laurie Keller 

(Busy Philipps), who are every Gay 

man’s ideal hags. 

One thing we can depend on is “Big Lou” 

keeping us well-juiced throughout the 

by Albert Rivas 

arivas3@gmail.com 

crazy shenanigans of the married 

life that Jules and Grayson are 

about to encounter. 

Gossip Girl will (finally) 

bid farewell to primetime 

TV on December 17. I’m 

surprised they lasted 

this long, but seems like 

the CW is in the holiday 

spirit by giving them two 

hours to torture us with star 

Blake Lively’s voice. Now don’t 

get me wrong; I was a fan the 

first few seasons seeing Blair 

Waldorf (Leighton Meester) 

in her always best dressed 

fashion, being the puppet 

master to Little J (Taylor 

Momsen) and her lovehate 

friendship with Serena 

van der Woodsen (Lively). 

“Lonely Boy” (Penn Badgley) 

will always be “Forgotten/ 

Time Filler Boy” to me. Don’t forget the 

chameleon with the smoldering smirk, 

Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick). Nobody 

else can pull off saying, “I’m Chuck 

Bass” like him. As for Nate Archibald 

(Chase Crawford) ... Class whore is the 

best way to describe him. The person 

who will be missed most is Georgina 

Sparks, played by Buffy the Vampire 

Slayer alum Michelle Trachtenberg. 

Only she could lie and create a new 

identity to infiltrate her old group of 

friends and still be the Bitch from Hell 

after six seasons. 

Over the years we’ve had a coming out, 

drugs, lots of sex, the disappointing 

threesome, an almost royal wedding and 

all of that doesn’t compare to the biggest 

mystery of all: who is Gossip Girl? I 

have my guess but, “I’ll never tell. You 

know you love me. XOXO Gossip Girl.” 


Fabulous & 

Opinionated. 

Tom & Lorenzo 

ION: You describe yourselves as 

“attention whores.” How’d that 

happen? 

Tom + Lorenzo: We swear to God, it 

just happened. We realize one doesn’t 

accidentally gain attention in this oversaturated 

age, but witch’s honor, we 

swear we didn’t set out looking for 

it. The short version of the story: we 

were both working and struggling as 

freelancers from home and needed 

something to fill up the vast stretches of 

the day when we were NOT working 

and likely to snap at each other from 

the stress of such. Lorenzo suggest 

a Project Runway blog to pass the 

time. After a lot of cajoling, Tom 

finally agreed. We just happened 

to launch at the moment when 

Project Runway became 

very popular and wound 

up gaining an initial 

audience of some size. 

Once you give a couple 

stressed-out queens an 

appreciative audience, they’re 

going to run with it, so we 

wound up putting more and more 

work into the site, expanding it 

outwards in terms of topics, until 

finally we wound up here: as site 

publishers to an audience of 

millions, offering up our opinions 

on a range of pop culture topics. 

spend on the site each week is easily 

over 100. 

ION: What are your predictions for 

the worst emerging fashion trend? 

T + L: If we can say one thing to men 

out there, it’s this: don’t pay attention 

to what you’re seeing in editorials and 

on the red carpet. You do still need to 

wear a belt with a suit. Underfed male 

stars with 28-inch waists can get away 

without one when posing for pictures, 

but for the average man who has 

to do more than pose during his 

day, it’s going to look like a sloppy 

mess. 

ION: Predictions for the best 

emerging fashion trend? 

T + L: Color. In a big, big 

way; bright and saturated, 

in combinations that feel 

new. It’s one trend that 

rockets from the runway to 

the discount racks within a 

few months. 

ION: What is the last fashion 

taboo? 

Believe it or not, some people have rich and brainless. It started in 2006 

boring, humdrum, empty, sad little 

when they launched their first fashion 

lives without any Gay boys. Can you blog, ProjectRunGay, with a chiding 

T + L: Probably still men in 

imagine that? What a dreary world commentary about the fashionazi Heidi 

skirts. If Marc Jacobs and his 

this would be without any bitchy, 

Klum, the avuncular Tim Gunn and 

string of hooker boyfriends 

opinionated, judgmental queens sniping the parade of contestants on reality 

couldn’t make them happen, 

and lambasting the world of fashion, competition TV show, Project Runway. 

then it’s not likely to trickle 

celebrities and just about everything else 

under the sun. And especially on TV. Since then, the world has become 

one, big, giant red carpet for Tom and 

ION: Where do you get the 

time to do all this blogging? 

down to the average man any 

time soon. 

Thank god for the wit and wisdom of the 

fabulous Tom Fitzgerald and Lorenzo 

Marquez, the fashion runways’ run-away 

hit critics who’ve made a career 

out of castigating, carping and 

criticizing the lifestyles 

of the 

by Deon Brown 

Lorenzo who also write television 

reviews for The Huffington Post and 

attend fashion shows all over the world. 

Tom and Lorenzo dished the dirt with 

ION Arizona about der Heidi, fashion 

trends and offer a little sartorial advice, 

too. 

T + L: From the same 24-hours 

the rest of the world gets. This 

is our full-time career now, and 

we’re working from about 6 

a.m. to about 10 p.m. most weekdays. 

It helps that there are two of us and that 

we’ve been together so long that we can 

pretty much work telepathically, but the 

total number of hours we collectively 

ION: So ... what’s your 

beef with Project Runway 

hostess Heidi Klum? What 

was her worst PR outfit 

ever? 

T + L: We have a beef with Heidi? This 

is news to us! We adore the tacky little 

Teuton. But we couldn’t possibly pick a 


y Deon Brown 

‘worst 

outfit’ after ten 

seasons. There are so many! 

ION: Suppose that Isaac Mizrahi and 

Michael Kors get into a Dynasty style 

cat fight. Who wins? 

T + L: Oh, Kors! Definitely. Mizrahi’s too 

fragile. Kors wouldn’t let up until Isaac was 

a puddle of tears on the floor. 

Have you received any death threats or 

retaliation from celebrities because of 

your blog? 

T + L: Not at all. We think most celebs 

are savvy enough not to get into a pissing 

match with a blogger. We’ve heard from 

only a handful of celebs in the time we’ve 

been doing this and every single one said 

they think we’re hilarious and love what 

we do. The thing is, in our biz, you’re only 

gonna hear from the celebs who have a 

sense of humor. The ones with sticks up 

their asses would never admit they read 

us, let alone contact us. 

ION: The Gays are always stylish. Fact 

or Myth? 

T + L: Oh please, honey! Myth. One need 

only attend one’s local Pride celebration 

every year to get confirmation of that. The 

Gays love style, but that doesn’t always 

mean the Gays are good at it. 

ION: Tell us about your forthcoming 

book, Everyone Wants to Be Me or Do 

Me. 

T + L: We wanted to take a satirical look 

at the world of the celebrity, finding the 

memes and motifs that repeat themselves 

over and over again in their lives, from 

that first big break, to the casting couch, to 

awards season, 

to the big Chernobyl-style meltdown, 

to the Lifetime Achievement Award with 

stops along the way to look at the big 

celebrity wedding, the epic celebrity 

breakup, and how to acquire a multiracial 

brood of children in the time it takes most 

normal people to have just one. Then we 

wanted to see how we so-called normal 

folks can actually learn something from 

the nuclear levels of delusion and selfconfidence 

most celebrities pump out. 

Hence, the title, which is like the celebrity 

version of a Daily Affirmation. 

ION: Can you give us one piece of 

advice for the everyday Gay guy about 

fashion--what to do, what not to do? 

How to stand out? What to avoid? 

T + L: Everyone says this, but it’s true: 

Make sure your clothes fit. The next most 

important rule: Invest in your clothes. 

Disposable clothing is a waste of money 

and never looks as good as something 

you paid a little money for. We’re not 

talking major luxury goods and designer 

items or anything; just that you’ll get way 

more mileage out of a well-fitted $60 white 

dress shirt than you would out of its 20buck 

counterpart. And to stand out: find 

the style that suits your personality, body 

type and age the best, then become fluent 

in it. This takes some time in a dressing 

room and a bitchy friend to tell you that 

you’re too old for orange skinny jeans, but 

it’s worth it. 

Tom + Lorenzo ... fabulous and 

opinionated. Since you asked—or even 

if you didn’t—find out what they have 

to say about, well, almost everything. 

And believe me, they’re bound to have 

something to say. Visit them regularly 

on TomAndLorenzo.com. Remember, 

sometimes the truth hurts. 

I am a friend, a Latino, and a peer educator. 

And I am living with HIV. 

José (center) has lived with HIV since 2001. 

Get the facts. Get tested. Get involved. Visit www.KnowHIVAZ.com. 

6161-4A_BTCD_ION.indd 1 11/21/12 2:10 PM 

JOB #: 6161-4A_BTCD_ION · Client: BTCD · Agency: RIESTER · Trim: 4.625" x 3.625" · Color: 4-color 

Pub: ION · Insertion Date: 12/01/12 · Contact: Bill Robbins · brobbins@riester.com 


TM

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We have a saying around here. “Non 

si fanno frittate senza rompere le uova.” 

We say it all the time. Well, okay. We don’t 

say it all the time, but it’s true nonetheless. 

It means, “You can’t make an omelette 

without breaking any eggs.” This is a 

metaphor. You have to shake things up if 

you want to make something. Capisce? 

The new owners of Harley’s Bistro are 

certainly shaking things up. 

Picture it. Phoenix.1950. A young peasant 

girl cooks fine Italian cuisine using only 

the best and freshest ingredients making 

her restaurant the toast of the town. Do 

you know who that girl was, Dorothy? No, 

not Sophia Petrillo. She was 

Livia di Eugenio. The name 

has changed a couple 

of times and gone 

are the checkered 

tablecloths. The 

newest owners, 

Stacey Black, 

Charolette Kimerley 

and Tammi Rowlan 

gave the old gal a 

contemporary, muchneeded 

facelift, but they 

still use a number of Livia’s 

fabled recipes, plus they added a 

few new clever culinary surprises, thanks 

to Chefs Jess for dinner and Ryan during 

lunch. 

Visiting Harley’s for lunch? One of 

their new creations on the menu is 

the Loaded Mac + Cheese. It’s an 

enormous dish of farfalle pasta, 

homemade artisan cheese sauce, 

prosciutto, fresh mushrooms and sun 

dried tomatoes. A bargain at only $9, 

we recommend sharing with a friend. 

Harley’s 

Italian Bistro 

Mango Salad. This newly super-popular 

cruciferous leaf is tossed in a light, honeylemon 

vinaigrette and topped with toasted 

pepitas and spears of mango for $9. (Oh, 

and kale is loaded with vitamins. Shhh!) 

The Bistro’s pizzas are lovingly baked 

in their brick oven. Try the Prosciutto & 

Arugula Pizza with Balsamic drizzled 

lightly on top. The plentiful, flavorful 

chunks of the rich, Italian ham under 

the bed of arugula (another cruciferous 

veggie) complements the pie perfectly. Six 

different 10-inch pizzas—plus a “build your 

own”—are all served after 4 p.m. 

Don’t miss out on the decadent Bistro 

Chicken. Tender chunks of white meat 

are sautéed with sundried tomatoes, 

prosciutto, spinach, onion, garlic 

and tossed with a knock-out 

rosata sauce (a combination 

of alfredo and marinara) and 

served over farfalle pasta. This 

hefty entrée is just $15 and 

served for dinner only. 

A new treat is the sturdy Kale & 


The Bistro has a number of 

exciting dining options to make your 

experience memorable. Monday nights bottles 

of wine are half-off. If you order lasagna 

with your vino, it’s half-price, too. Tuesday 

grab gourmet ‘za and a regular carafe of 

house wine for only $20. In Vino Veritas! Join 

Harley’s for Win-O Wednesday for a half-price 

carafe of house wine. Thursday is date night 

and Chef Jess will tailor a divine three-course 

dinner for you & your amoré from a select 

menu for $25. There’s plenty of vegetarian 

options on the menu, too. Mamma mia! 

Experience a very special Sunday Brunch 

from their always-changing table of fine 

comestibles. You might get orange peel ricotta 

pancakes, stuffed French toast, Italian Beef 

with housemade au jus, or Eggs Benedict, 

roasted vegetables. You can even create your 

own frittata—and remember, you can’t do that 

senza rompere le uova. (Remember the first 

sentence? It all falls into place now, right?) 

Make it All-U-Can-Eat (and drink) and throw 

in Mimosas and Cape Cods all for $20 per 

person and you’re startin’ off the week with a 

bang! 

The ingredients used in each dish are 

organic and locally grown or raised whenever 

possible. Harley’s Italian Bistro is a proud 

member of Local First, too, in addition to being 

supporters and part of the Phoenix GLBT 

community. 

So what are you waiting for? If you haven’t 

visited Harley’s Italian Bistro in a while, come 

and see what’s shakin’ 

and get crackin’. But be 

careful; it’s good with 

eggs, but hard on 

dishes. 

4221 N. 7th Ave. 

Phone: 602-234-0333 

HarleysItalianBistro.com 


52 www.IONAZ.cOm December 2012 

The 

Cool List 

Gift Guide 

Photography by Fernando Hernandez 

Direction by Kevin Bushaw 

Styling by Par Exsalonce CityScape Salon & Spa 

Alfonso Gonzales, Owner • Jon Lively, Stylist & Make Up 

Emilio Armand, Stylist • Kyle Tuttle, Stylist 

Models In Order of Appearance: Derek, Paul, Erika & Maritsa. 

Photoshop Brushes by Obsidian Dawn 

Special Thanks to: 

Scott Taylor at The Root Seller 

3343 N. 7th Ave., Phoenix, 602.265.7668 

Donna Matheson of Italian Ice Designs. 

facbook.com/ ItalianIceDesign 

Written in part by Kevin Bushaw, Deon Brown 

& Alekzander Shaw 

You’ve got a shopping list. 

You’re looking for something 

special. Something unique. Don’t 

stress! The ION Arizona Cool List 

has great ideas for you to suit that 

special guy or girl in your life. 

Copper Bracelet from The Root Seller. December 2012 www.IONAZ.cOm 53

Get a woody with this sexy 

dock for your iPhone. Turn 

your iphone into a retro 

alarm clock, made of wood. 

The “Decidous Dock” is available 

at Anthropologie.com 

If you overindulge in the eggnog and champagne, 

you’ll need this! Replenish your body 

with essential vitamins & nutrients you lose 

while getting hammered. Created right here in 

Arizona. Best of all, it’s Snooki approved. No 

kidding! NOHOdrink.com 

A fun (and hairy!) sampling of 

the characters found in the big, 

furry world of Bears! With the 

Guide for the Modern Bear- A Field 

Study of Bears in the Wild, by Travis 

Smith & Chris Bale - you’ll be able to 

identify bears, cubs, wolfs, grizzlies 

and otters in their native habitats, 

including what they drink, eat— 

and where they play! Softcover, 

$19.99. ModernBear.tumblr.com 


Necklaces from The Root Seller

What do you get the messy chef in your life? The Loop Towel 

Holder ($79) designed by Neil Cohen is a bold, bright, statuesque 

way to anchor and dispense paper towels. The arm anchors 

the paper towel roll with the just-right amount of pressure, 

so that you can pull and rip with one hand. 

The upper loop makes it easy to handle, 

easy to fill, easy to love. Available at 

Nambé locations and Nambe.com 

A display of balance and flow in lyrical motion, the 

Classic Copper Intertwining Candlesticks Pair ($150) is a 

Karim Rashid masterpiece. Makes a thoughtful wedding 

or anniversary gift—a toast to two distinct personalities 

joining to create a beautiful whole. 

Inspired by the canyons of 

the southwest, the Copper 

Canyon Bowls ($35-$250) 

go well with a wide range 

of decor and make a great 

gift for Mom. Each piece is 

unique, a sculpture of contrasting 

color and texture, and coated with 

copper and a preotective coating for 

heirloom-quality durability. 


Necklace from Italian Ice Designs

NoW opeN 

DiScover 18 NeW, oNe-of-a-kiND, 

locally oWNeD ShopS uNDer oNe roof 

Shopbiltmore.com 

Every man in Phoenix should be shopping at Bonified Goods. It’s lined with amazing denim, todie-for 

collared shirts and bow ties galore. Our favorite is a line of amazingly printed silk bowties by 

Barbara Blank. They start at $39.50 and have every color 

and print you could imagine; adding the perfect geekchic 

look to any holiday attire! Location at the Union at the 

Biltmore Fashion Park. 

Do you have Paris Envy? 

Royal Apothic’s Scent No. 1 is 

formulated to be a fine gentlemen’s 

grooming product, and 

after smelling it you’ll know why. 

The Cologne, which is only $34, is 2 

ounces of Heaven. It is reminiscent of 

a fresh shower, with a hint of a gentlemen’s 

club; infused with ingredients 

like sandalwood, musk, cedar 

wood, amber and more. There’s 

also a candle in the same 

scent! Paris Envy is located 

in the Melrose Shopping 

District & The Union 

at the Biltmore 

Fashion Park. 

What are the holidays without a little booze?! Queen Creek Olive Mill has an 

amazing Spanish Fly Dirty Martini mix and Vermouth Garlic Stuffed Olives set for 

$20 (Just add vodka or gin) that could make any gay man purr. 

Location at The Union, Biltmore Fashion Park. www.queencreekolivemill.com 

Tungsten Ring from The Root Seller. 



Phoenix’s Premier LGBT and Ally Concert Band 

Presents 

A Most Wonderful Christmas 

Sunday, Dec 9, 2012 

3pm 

Phoenix Central 

High School Auditorium 

4525 North Central Ave 

Phoenix, AZ 

*FREE ADMISSION* 

Donations Gladly Accepted 

www.desertoverture.org 

These copper bracelets from the Root Seller 

featured in this guide are chic and stylish. 

Swing down and check out the whole 

collection. The Root Seller is located 

on the SE Corner of 7th Ave. & 

Osborn, Phoenix. 

Everyone knows that 

what every boy or girl 

really wants during 

the Holiday Season is 

a ring. Get a custom 

design from Krikawa. 

Located in St. Philips 

Plaza, Tucson or at 

Krikawa.com 

Earrings & Necklace 

from Italian Ice Designs. 


hula s christmas eve 

party 

Santa knows you’ve been naughty 

AND HE DOESN’T CARE! 

HULASMODERNTIKI.COM 

What makes this time of year 

special? Parties, gifts, open 

houses? Many things bring us 

joy. Really, it’s special people in 

our lives. Old friends and new. 

Make this Holiday special. 

Just like you. 

Earrings and Ring from Italian Ice Designs. 

Selenite Orb from The Root Seller. 



The 

Countdown 

is 

Photography by Fernando Hernandez 

Creative Direction by Deon Brown, 

Kevin Bushaw, & Alekzander Shaw. 

Featuring Austin Head, Chuey from 

Charlie’s, Miss Ebony, Shannon 

Hughes, Stefanie Hagemann, Frank 

Terry, Alekzander Shaw, Adonis 

from BS West, Jen Deveroux, 

Elise Welch and William 

Reed. 

Photographic Consultant 

Jerry O’Conner | Styling by Alekzander 

Shaw & Jen Deveroux & Alternative Fashion 

Society | Hair & Makeup by Sabina Chowaniec 

Party Props provided by Party People 

5740 N. 7th St., Phoenix. (602) 264-0062 

Additional Costuming provided by Easley’s Fun Shop 

509 W. McDowell Rd. Phoenix. (602) 271-9146 

Shot at Metro Retro - Mid Century Modern Furniture 

708 W. Hazelwood Ave., Phoenix. (602) 279-0702 


With just a bit of extra 

effort this year, you can 

make this season Bright, Mary! 

Here are a few quick and easy 

tips from Valley designer Joey 

Sarandos that are sure to 

impress. 

Mix It Up! 

This year try all the colors 

of the rainbow. Glitz it up with a 

few disco balls, and dash metallic 

curling ribbon over everything! Wrap 

the base of the tree with loose satin, 

feather boas or that sequin gown 

that is leftover from Halloween for 

a tree skirt. When it comes to 

the Holidays...more 

is more! 


Serve It Up! 

Move that Costco cheese 

platter onto a plate from 

home. Place that punch bowl in 

a wreath. Ornaments and tree 

branches can be added to fill in 

empty spots of the table. 

Remember, when you serve 

food, “pretty” counts! 



Stir it Up! 

Create a signature cocktail 

and make a large batch for your 

friends. Equal parts Vodka, Peppermint 

Schnapps, and Cinnamon 

Creamer makes a candy 

cane cocktail that will have 

everyone talking. 


28th Annual 

Friday 

Rodeo School 

Royalty Contest 

Country Idol Preliminaries 

Entertainment & Dancing 

Contestant Registration 

Saturday 

Rodeo Starts @ 10AM 

Grand Entry @ 1PM 

Royalty Contest Finals 

Country Idol Finals 

Entertainment & Dancing 

Sunday 

More Rodeo & Grand Entry 

Country Idol & Royalty Celebrations 

Community Entertainment & Dancing 

Award Ceremony 

RODEO 

February 15-17, 2013 

NEW LOCATION! 

7611 S 29th Ave 

Laveen AZ, 85339 

(29th Ave and Baseline Rd) 

Boogie Down! 

Take some time to pull together 

a mix of your favorite music 

from the rest of the year and mix 

it in with your Christmas tunes. 

Don’t kill the holiday buzz with 

hour after hour of 

Bing Crosby. 


December 

2012 

Happy New Year!

DECEMBER 2012 

Vol. 6, Issue 7 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

ANY Unfair RESEMBLANCE and TO unbalanced. THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY We decide. ACCIDENTAL 

Carols Offer False 

Hope. Local Man’s 


Hopes Ruined. 

LAVEEN—It’s 

beginning to 

look a lot like 

Christmas. 

Except for 

Mikey Pratt, 

23, a seasonal 

employee selling 

Summer Sausage 

and cheese balls. 

at a local 

Hickory Farms 

kiosk at Arizona 

Mills 


“I listen to 

Christmas carols 

day in and day out,” Pratt complained. 

“Nothing they sing about ever happens to 

ANY me.” RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL 

A poorly insulated apartment never gives 

Pratt a “Silent Night” because of noisy 

neighbors. “Have Yourself a Merry Little 

Christmas” promises “faithful friends who 

are dear to us/will be near to us once more.” 

Not true. Pratt’s best friend, Allan Bass, 

moved to Butte, Montana three years ago 

and Vicky Elliott, who works at the Orange 


Julius in the food court but won’t talk to 

him now because she saw him talking 

pissed at him. And that bitch.” 

with Teresa 

Montoya at 

Hot Dog on a 

Stick. 

“It was kind 

of like ‘I 

Saw Mommy 

Kissing Santa 

Claus’ but 

more like, ‘I 

Saw Mikey 

Giving a 

Hickey to that 

Skank Ho’ 

Teresa,” said 

Elliott. “I’m 

The Holidays prove to be one big 

disappointment for Pratt. “It’s not ‘The Most 

Wonderful Time of the Year,” he moped. “I 

work at the mall every day. I’m not invited to 

any parties. This sucks. It’s not ‘Beginning to 

Look a Lot Like Christmas’ at all.” 

Santa Claus is not comin’ to town for Pratt. 

But he will be at Santa’s Village in front of the 

Burlington Coat Factory every day from noon 

‘til 6 p.m. 

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL 

80 www.IONAZ.cOm December 2012 May 2012 www.IONAZ.cOm 81

Y 

Come see what 

we’re all about with 

one month of 

fRee SWImmInG! 

Visit us online for swim locations, 

swim times and to find out more 

about the Sunfish. 

www.phxsunfish.org 

Support the Sunfish at Pride, April 21-22, 

by visiting our Beverage Booth! 

OneVoice_ION_June.pdf 5/22/12 9:27:15 PM 

KNOW NOW 

FREE and confidential HIV Testing 

on-site every Monday and 

Thursday from 4pm til 7pm. 

 

4442 N. 7th Ave. Phoenix, AZ 85013 

602.712.0111 | www.1vcc.org | info@1vcc.org 

Funding provided by Ryan White Part C - Funding provided by the Federal Department of Health and Human Services, Health Resources and Services Administration, the Ryan White 

HIV/AIDS Treatment Extension Act of 2009, the Maricopa County Business Strategies and Health Care Programs Department and Maricopa Integrated Health System. 

Come and see the most amazing natural 

investor resources in America today! At the 

end of the year you’ll have the opportunity to 

see the amazing development of Fiscal Cliffs! 

This unique living opportunity has been in 

development since 2003 when the G. W. Bush 

Destruction Company dreamed of this day. 

From the Brink of Disaster you can see views 

of the stunning Raincheck Forests and enjoy 

the endless expanse of Payrolling Hills! The 

climate is gentle with warm windfall and no 

overdraft near Trickle Down Creek. 

Live in a custom home with high debt ceilings 

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shopping is nearby at the Stock Market 

Grocery where you’ll find deep cuts in 

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Watch your family grow along with the 

National Debt in beautiful Fiscal Cliffs 

starting December 31st! 

Come in today and win a Free Enterprise! It’s 

Tariff-ic! 

Ask your Senator or Congressman today for 

details and how you can’t pre-qualify! 


84 www.IONAZ.cOm December 2012 November 2012 www.IONAZ.cOm 85


SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX 


I B T ’ S O N 4 T H A V E



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24/7 Customer Care 1(888) 634.2628 18+ ©2012 PC LLC 2344 

by Addison DeWitt 

It’s time 

for the time 

honored, hallowed 

tradition of my third 

annual Gab Fab 

List in which I 

single out those who 

are chosen through a 

complicated and extremely 

technical process with a 

panel of Swiss experts. Or 

mostly because they tickle 

my fancy. “Fancy” is code 

for something else I don’t feel 

comfortable putting in print. 

Visions of sugarplums dance in my 

head. But not as much as visions of 

Joel Michael Anderson, 

who is, indeed, 

“Bootylicious.” 

You’ll always find me 

singing, “Funiculì, 

Funiculà” around 

the culinary cutie pie 

Gabriele Bertaccini 

because he always brings “fun” 

wherever he is. Sometimes 

he also brings Agnello à 

la Pastore , Risotto à la 

Milanese, Bistecca à la 

Fiorentina. Anything à la. I 

can’t even cook Spaghetti-O’s 

à la Chef Boyardee. 

I have a kiss planned for Milton 

Delossier and Daniel Calderón. Right 

under their mistletoe. If you know what 

I mean. 

I’d like to get my stocking stuffed by 

Timothy 

Schwer. 

I mean, 

who wouldn’t 

love a good 

stuffing from him? 

(Inappropriate? I 

think not.) 

Darling Dusty 

Brinsmade 

is always 

“pompadourable.” I 

want to French kiss him someday. 

Someday ... 

Do I smell Bacon? Winner 

of ArizonaDrag.com’s 

“Drag Race,” Miss 

Victoria Bacon (well, 

she’s pretty hard to 

miss!) always makes 

me scream, “Sooey!” 

Baby, it’s cold outside! 

Not if I could snuggle up 

with besties Abram Hohm 

and Geoffrey Licari. If 

only ... 

I also want to say, “Fangs 

for everything!” to dental 

darling Tom Durisek. And 

how could I leave out Kevin 

Axx? Never. Ever! 

And now, the moment I’ve been 

waiting for! I’m proud to announce 

someone who belongs in that 

venerable Pantheon of Party Penguins 

of the Year. It’s that darling André Mark 

Edwards. He makes every day a holiday! 

Whatever you celebrate, Happy Holidays 

to you. If you don’t celebrate any holiday, 

go to a movie. 


Deck the Halls! You’ll get a great show 

with the Geminid Meteor Shower on 

December 13. This is nothing like a “Golden 

Shower.” See up to 120 in one hour! The 

Full Moon on the 28th reveals a secret for 

Taurus, Leo, Virgo and Pisces. Maybe a 

Libra, too. Maybe not. 

Aries mar. 21 - Apr. 20 

You’ll find yourself under the mistletoe with 

a super sexy Santa this season. Beware! 

Too much tongue might mean “Herpes for 

the Holidays.” Not really. But people might 

think you’re spreading too much Yuletide 

Cheer—with your legs. 

Taurus Apr. 21 - may 20 

Are you naughty or nice? The devil gets 

the best of you—and you’ll get the best 

of everything when your mischievous 

mood takes over and you take advantage 

of a promising situation with generous 

benefactor. You rascal, you! 

gemini may 21 - June 21 

Sit on Santa’s lap and talk about the first 

thing that pops up, little boys and girls. You 

just might find that you’ll get something 

extra-special in your stocking this year from 

someone who cares. But it’s not jewelry. 

Sorry. 

cancer June 22 - July 22 

You’ll shock friends and associates during 

a Holiday party at work this year when you 

have too much eggnog. It involves a Xerox 

machine, Post-Its, missing underwear and 

dancing with a lampshade on your head. 

Yikes! 

leo July 23 - Aug. 22 

Temptation proves too much for you when 

you start snooping and discover what’s 

under the tree. The surprise is ruined but 

you’ll learn something valuable about the 

season. So don’t look in the hall closet, top 

shelf, under the vacuum cleaner bags. 

Virgo Aug. 23 - sep. 22 

Don’t expect a “Silent Night” when you 

have a rendezvous with a Secret Santa 

with a North Pole you won’t forget. He has 

a special toy out that’ll have you screaming 

like the entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir. 

libra sep. 23 - Oct. 22 

Do you hear what I hear? It ain’t just a 

Christmas carol because word on the street 

says you’re giving cookies and milk out for 

a certain jolly elf. And the crumbs lead right 

to your bed. Ginger *Snap!* girlfriend! 

scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 

You’re a real fruitcake lately, which is so 

unlike your usual, pragmatic self. People 

love your seasonal nuttiness and you’re 

the toast of the town. Overbooking yourself 

might cause a problem. Keep a schedule. 

sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 

Visions of sugarplums dance in your head 

because there’s someone special sliding 

down your chimney. If it’s your birthday, 

take a moment to remember those less 

fortunate. Don’t rub their noses in your 

good fortune. Well, maybe just a little bit. 

capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 

You like candy canes? They wouldn’t be 

candy if they weren’t sticky! You’ll find 

yourself in a “sticky” situation with three 

not-so-wise men (or women). Cappy 

Birthday to you! A special present leaves 

you obligated to someone. 

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 

Raindrops and roses and whiskers on 

kittens. Bright copper kettles and red 

woolen mittens. Forget it. Your favorite 

things are more prurient. Maybe you’ll get a 

Fleshjack or a Trojan Twister. You’ll have a 

smile on your face by New Year’s. 

Pisces Feb. 20 - mar. 20 

Go tell it on the mountain! Expect a wildly 

explosive event to happen in your family 

or circle of friends. It’s too embarrassing 

for Facebook. If you saw Mommy kissing 

Santa Claus, wait ‘til you see this! Oh boy! 

96 www.IONAZ.cOm December 2012 November 2012 www.IONAZ.cOm 97

98 www.IONAZ.cOm December 2012

OUTRAGEOUS! - ION Arizona Magazine

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