A Gnostic Childhood - Gnostic Liberation Front

A Gnostic Childhood
in terror whenever Frau Koch left from visiting us, or when we left her
apartment to go back to ours. I screamed for Frau Koch and threw
tantrums whenever we were separated. Just like a "normal" child
would react when his real mother would leave him with strangers. My
mother was horrified and confused as to what she had possibly done
to bring about such alienation and even hatred within me. Frau Koch
seemed embarrassed and also horrified by my behavior. I can
remember the pictures in the cook-books, but only in a very general
sense without details or emotional attachment. But when I look at
pictures of Frau Koch holding me, I still experience a faint longing to
be with her. Finally my mother decided on somebody's advice, to get a
"healer and exorcist," who would "speak over" (Besprechen) people
with ailments like warts and whatever. Although I remember
absolutely nothing about it, he performed an "exorcism" on me and
prayed for my release from this "bondage" to Frau Koch.
I don't think that it was very successful since the "bond" was only
broken when we left Schwerin. Frau Koch and her husband ended up
in the city of Rostock, as they left on a previous train to ours. That this
was a strange and extremely upsetting case of "alienation" which even
baffles me to this day should be quite clear. Does it have to do with
reincarnation or something mystical? I absolutely think so. My mother
thought that Frau Koch was a natural witch, who unconsciously put a
spell on me because she was jealous since she couldn't have children
of her own. Perhaps that is true. I simply don't know the answer and
since I am the object and "key" to this phenomenon, it will probably
remain a mystery for the rest of my life. One thing I know though, my
relationship with my mother was never as close as most child-mother
relationships are. I could even go as far as saying, that I always held
something like contempt for her, despite her being a truly wonderful
mother to me.
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11/5/2011