Grace, the Forbidden Gospel - Online Christian Library

Growing Up
Foreword by Author
I was raised in a very conservative Christian home by parents who loved me dearly and wanted me to have
the best possible education. Firm moral ethics were the order of the day. My sister and I were taught that all
our actions had consequences, to take responsibility for our decisions and to always give our very best at
what we did.
I went through the motions of attending church and Sunday school every week (there is nothing wrong with
exposing children to some good, solid Bible instruction) and then, as the tradition / rule of the church
stipulated, we had to pass a written test which included quoting the 10 Commandments word for word from
Exodus 20 in order to qualify for being confirmed as a member of the church. I scored the highest in the class
with 98% and thought myself to be a very “good” Christian. However the very next week I found myself having
lustful thoughts and I spent the night on my knees, crying out to God for forgiveness because I was now a
sinner again, fearing that I would be thrown into hell if I were to die that night.
Through this and many more similar experiences I learned to relate to God on the basis of my own level of
obedience, which meant that if I had a good week, my relationship with God would be thriving; but if I had a
bad week, I would feel too guilty to even talk with Him. Even if I could muster up the courage to get down on
my knees, it would be with the attitude of a murderer pleading for mercy before a harsh judge.
I could never seem to get victory over bad habits, even though I’d been a born again believer for years. Sin
and temptation seemed to plague me around every corner, but I kept that well hidden from the many people
whom expected me to be living a holy “Christian” life.
Realizing My Folly
I was a hypocrite, on my way to becoming a modern day Pharisee. I distinctly remember the one instance
while I was studying Mechanical Engineering at Johannesburg University and living in the men’s residence. I
walked into the communal hall where everybody cooked their food and hung out together. As I walked in, one
of the guys whom I knew suddenly hid the cigarette he was smoking behind his back. Confused, I asked him
why he did that. His reply was that he did not want me to see him smoking, thinking that I’d be disappointed
with him because I was on the “Spiritual Care Committee” of the residence at that time.
It appeared that I had been passing judgment on people who seemed to be committing “bigger sins” than me,
thinking that my superior level of morality made me a better person and therefore also made me more loved
by God. Clearly I didn’t understand the following verse yet:
For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. (Jam 2:10
NKJV)
This should have been a clear indication that our own level of morality has nothing to do with it...
At the time I would study the scriptures every day because I loved God and had a passion for His kingdom.
But even though I gained a lot of knowledge about God, I was never able to maintain “right standing” with Him
for more than a few days at a time, because my relationship with Him was based on how well I performed.
And since I made mistakes every day, my conscience always accused me and drove me away from Him
whenever I messed up.
One day in 2002 a friend took four of us into his room, had us sit down and said he wanted to share
something with us that might seem like blasphemy, but said that God had shown it to him the previous week.
He only got as far as “We are not under the 10 Commandments anymore” when my mind began kicking and
screaming to get out of the room!! He tried explaining to us how the finished work of the cross and the blood
of Jesus had completely set us free from the Old Covenant Law, and he was right: I thought he was
blaspheming!!!
I made a resolution not to have too much to do with him from that day on and considered him very unfortunate
to have been brainwashed by some mysterious group of “fringe fanatic Christians”. Looking back now, I can
clearly see that he was posing a threat to my religious convictions and my lack of knowledge of Bible truth
made me fearful of anything that tried to rock my little boat.
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