fugue - Oblique Publications
fugue - Oblique Publications
fugue - Oblique Publications
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Page<br />
38<br />
FUGUE ˆˆˆˆˆ<br />
JANE BARON<br />
ˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆ<br />
until his next watch, he made for his cabin. The<br />
maelstrom was already whistling in his ears as<br />
he stepped through the door. Once inside, it hit<br />
him.<br />
When the door chimed, he was sitting on<br />
the edge of his bed, elbows resting on his knees,<br />
hands dangling uselessly between. He couldn’t<br />
stir as he watched it slide open, any more than<br />
he’d been able to stir since he’d first lowered<br />
himself down here hours ago. Instead, he<br />
watched neat black boots move until they were<br />
directly in front of him. Then he looked up at<br />
Kerr.<br />
It had been a while since he’d taken time<br />
to fully appreciate the heavy-eyed beauty, the<br />
unabashed sensuality, the sweetness he now saw<br />
so clearly. Or at least that was how it suddenly<br />
felt. He’d forgotten to be grateful, to savor, and<br />
now…<br />
Kerr, adjusting to this new greeting<br />
position, knelt on one knee between Blake’s<br />
splayed legs and leaned his head against Blake’s<br />
arm. He sighed. Without haste, Blake curled his<br />
hand to work fingers into downy hair.<br />
He’d thought they would make love,<br />
thought that that would be important. It wasn’t.<br />
He felt no sexual response at all, only the unbearable<br />
tenderness which had terrified him at the<br />
start.<br />
And rightly so.<br />
Blake slid off the bed to kneel, himself,<br />
drawing Kerr into the protective valley of legs,<br />
encompassing him with shielding arms, holding<br />
Kerr against his heart. And then he simply held<br />
on, as if he could save them both, as if he could<br />
stop what was about to happen, if he could only<br />
stay like that forever.<br />
Avon was a dark silhouette at the rest<br />
room table, his back to the door. In the doorway,<br />
Blake traced with his eyes the sleek line of bent<br />
head, the brown hair nearly touching the discreetly<br />
high collar, the studious set of shoulder.<br />
And felt nothing.<br />
That wasn’t right; surely there should be<br />
ˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆ PÆAN TO PRIAPUS<br />
grief or anger or trepidation, some visceral reaction,<br />
some sense at least of regret at an unpleasant<br />
task to be done.<br />
Nothing.<br />
He was only very tired.<br />
“Avon.” He stopped a few paces away,<br />
thinking for a moment with a kind of hushed<br />
delirium that Avon was not going to respond to<br />
him, was not going to turn around. And then<br />
Blake would move forward and find him asleep,<br />
and would leave him there, peaceful on the<br />
cheoplastic table, and none of this would have<br />
happened.<br />
Avon turned. He’d simply been absorbed<br />
in his perspex readout. “Yes?”<br />
There were dark circles under the dark<br />
eyes. No, neither of them had got any sleep last<br />
night. Did Avon even realize that much?<br />
“I want you to come with me, please.”<br />
Vitality enough to form the words appeared out<br />
of nowhere. He would be able to say whatever<br />
needed to be said. “I’m afraid it’s important.”<br />
“What’s gone wrong?” —sharply.<br />
“Noth—” Blake caught himself and<br />
gazed into the dull gloss of the table, almost<br />
smiling. Oh, there was irony for you.<br />
Avon was staring at him, lost as he was<br />
in the contemplation of bits of alien furniture.<br />
“Avon, I need to speak to you now, in private.<br />
Please come with me.”<br />
And Avon weighed the printout in his<br />
hand, then tossed it aside resignedly, and followed.<br />
The vial of Lethe was on his desk, an<br />
island in a sea of clear space. Blake could not<br />
detect any change in Avon’s expression when<br />
the brown eyes rested on it, and when they lifted<br />
to his they were unconcerned, unspeculative.<br />
Avon showed only a composed and mild<br />
curiosity as he glanced around the room—that of<br />
a man surveying a room he’d never seen before.<br />
With that, in that instant, emotion returned<br />
to Blake. Muted but entirely recognizable,<br />
a hurricane outside the door. And it was<br />
pain, an ache that went deeper than bone or<br />
ˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆˆ