Bursary problems reoccur despite last year's assurances to the ...

FOR the second year running, 

hundreds of London Medics 

are facing financial difficulties 

because of a delay in the payment 

of NHS Bursaries despite 

promises being made last year 

that the situation would be sorted. 

Speaking to the BMA finance 

sub-committee, Julie Barron, the 

head of the Student Grants Unit 

(SGU) has apologised and said that 

currently the unit is "about two 

weeks behind," with a variety of 

reasons were given for this ranging 

from the increase in applications, 

the introduction of childcare 

allowance and problems with the 

printing of the form. The delay in 

printing the form will especially 

gall some students as it seems this 

was due to the communications 

department missing a window of 

opportunity to acquire a printing 

contract. This easily preventable 

error has resulted in hardship for a 

number of students. 

But while the SGU acknowl- 

edge there is a delay, Ms Barron 

quoted figures stating that 86% of 

medical students claiming a grant 

for a second year and 52% of 

medics claiming for the first time 

have had their applications 

processed and should have had 

their money. While this may be 

true, anecdotal evidence gathered 

by MS suggests this is far from the 

case, at least with respect to 

London. At the start of October, 

MS had yet to speak to someone 

who had received their bursary. 

One final year RUMS student said 

they not even received their pack 

from the SGU and had tried ringing 

repeatedly over the last two 

months, daily from and every 

twenty minutes from 8.30am to 

5pm but had yet to get through as 

the line was constantly engaged. 

Another London medic who 

wished to remain anonymous said 

they had been having trouble paying 

their rent and living expenses. 

The problem of the continually 

engaged phone line is something a 

number of students have com- 

October 2005 

NHS tighten the 

bursary strings 

Red Bull: Tanned celeb 

TV doctor David Bull 

reads Medical Student, 

the greatest medical 

publication in the 

world. 9 out of 10 

celebrities say they 

love the paper for its 

modesty and self-deprecation. 

Read Dr 

Bull’s exclusive interview 

inside. 

Bursary problems reoccur despite last year’s 

assurances to the contrary. 

plained about. Ms Barron stated 

that the SGU had carried out a customer 

satisfaction survey which 

discovered that the majority of 

people called from their mobile 

phone so preferred to hear an 

engaged tone to a call waiting message 

which would cost credit. She 

also mentioned that the unit has to 

deal with 70,000 students who 

generate 500-600 calls a day. 

Their new customer service centre 

has ten phone lines manned by ten 

people. 

Steps have been taken to prevent 

a repeat of this next year: provisional 

grant award letters are no 

longer sent so students will only 

receive a grant notification when 

the money has reached them, the 

aim of this being to cut down on 

administration. 

As for when the payments will 

arrive, priority will be given to all 

those who's course has already 

started with the aim of paying 

everyone within ten days of starting 

term. 

Continued on page 3...

2 October 2005 

www.medical-student.co.uk 

All President and correct 

Danny McGuiness 

ICSM President 

BY the time you read this we 

will have completed week one 

of freshers’ fortnight and be 

into the swing of week two. Yes 

that’s right, we aren't content 

with one week of debauched 

activity, we must have two to 

ensure at least 78% of the 

Freshers have either Mallory- 

Weissed or perforated an ulcer 

by the time it’s all over. 

Our timetable of events takes 

us from a The Roadshow, a 

cross between Fun House (popular 

90s children's TV show 

hosted by mullet-bearing Pat 

Sharpe) and the sinking of the 

Titanic, all the way to a ball at 

Café de Paris, a Traffic Light 

Party, a Paramount Comedy 

Night and most importantly, 

my birthday! 

Simon Lammy 

ULU MSO 

Ambroise Muchembled 

GKT President 

ISN’T it funny how all five 

presidents write about the same 

things in our columns? 

Certainly last year there were 

remarkable similarities in what 

we were saying, and if I hadn’t 

started like this, maybe I would 

have written, “A special welcome 

to the first years; welcome 

back to everyone else.” 

See what I mean? 

Anyhow, this just goes to 

show that whilst leading our 

medical schools, we encounter 

As I write this it’s exactly 24 

hours until freshers start to 

move into halls, and if I said the 

fear hasn’t kicked in yet I’d be 

telling a little lie. I sit here now 

with fond memories of life in 

halls. In fact, that’s a complete 

lie. I was lucky enough to be in 

'Southside Hall, an asbestosfilled, 

rat-infested, concrete 

monstrosity based on some 

juvenile detention centre that 

thankfully is being torn down at 

the minute. Could have been 

worse though, could have been 

in Tooting! Only joking, at least 

George’s is better than GKT. 

An now that I’ve offended 

two fifths of the target audience, 

I shall leave you be to 

read what are inevitably much 

better constructed and amusing 

articles by my counterparts at 

the other four great medical 

schools. I’ll get my coat. 

GREETINGS Medics! 

Welcome back to our returning 

students' and warm congratulations 

to those students who 

embark upon their medical 

careers at a London medical 

school. Welcome to London. 

Welcome to Paradise. Welcome 

the same concerns, challenges 

and successes as each other - 

things that influence what we 

write about. 

An increasingly common 

theme is the sense of community 

at medical school, which 

appears to be decreasing. 

In the immortal words of Dr 

Green to Dr Carter on his 

appointment as Chief Resident, 

“You set the tone, Carter.” In 

the same way, I set you all that 

challenge. You become 

involved in your local community. 

You contribute to the life 

and soul of the medical school. 

You set the tone. 

And finally, before I forget, 

a special welcome to the first 

years; welcome back to everyone 

else! 

Richard Bamford 

SGUL President 

STARTING at university to do 

any course is an exciting and 

anxious time. The first time a 

student arrives in halls, after 

driving through an 

estate that 

looks suspiciously 

like the one 

on The Bill 

from the night 

before, it’s easy 

to sense their nervous 

excitement and their parents’ 

immense pride. 

On seeing a room the size of 

a small shoebox, corridors so 

narrow you have to walk sideways 

along and toilets you have 

to Medicine. Welcome to Life. 

This year I am your 

University of London Union 

Medical Students Officer. My 

predecessor, Dr. Johann 

Malawana, constructed an environment 

that is both beneficial 

and engaging; an atmosphere 

which has shaped medical student 

politics both regionally 

and nationally. I am determined 

to maintain and broaden these 

numerous successes, because I 

represent twenty percent of this 

Julia Sarginson 

RUMS Clinical President 

MEDICS are geniuses at making 

big words look small, and 

reducing difficult concepts to 

bite-sized pieces. Medicine is 

overflowing with acronyms and 

pneumonics. If you’re just 

starting at RF&UCMS, you’ll 

have PDS, LAPT and CALs; 

for the clinical students, having 

conquered the ICCM, you 

should be getting to grips with 

to back into to sit down, the 

parents’ smiles drop and there’s 

a muttering of, “It's not that 

bad” or “at least its cosy!” 

Meanwhile, the student is 

“pleasantly surprised”, “ecstatic” 

even at the golf course they 

can see from the window, and 

busy themselves by introducing 

themselves to every other person 

they can meet. 

It does not surprise me that 

St George’s students are not as 

dismayed as other people 

would be! St George’s students 

are friendly, eager and 

enthusiastic. This will 

allow 

them 

to excel in courses 

that are invigorating 

and challenging, 

and also develop a level of 

camaraderie that will last a lifetime. 

I wish all our Freshers the 

best and hope that they enjoy 

their time here as much as I 

have. 

country’s medical students, and 

you deserve the best! 

There are numerous political 

issues surrounding medical 

students today, including 

whether medical students 

should be registered with the 

GMC, the national standardisation 

of medical examinations 

and the changes surrounding 

Modernising Medical Careers. 

Issues such as these that 

affect London medical students 

are tackled by the University of 

SOCRATES, MJTHREADS 

and WIPER, and that’s before 

you’ve even started on COOP 

or GHEDNOH! 

So what’s all this 

about? Well, let’s 

face it, medicine is 

tough enough without 

having to remember 

and spout out 

great long words like 

electroencephalogram 

when EEG will do just fine. 

My little spiel here is to 

introduce you to another one … 

RUMS - ‘Royal Free and 

University College Medical 

Students’. This is your union, 

and I am the Clinical President 

of it! We’re here for you - if you 

ever want advice, a moan, a 

party or a chat. 

So welcome to a new term, 

welcome to RF&UCMS, and 

welcome to Medical Student! 

Victoria Tittle 

BL President 

THESE past months have been 

filled with new faces, new 

names and new places, plus the 

careful planning of Freshers’ 

Fortnight. Like a recipe for 

Freshers, budgets were finely 

chopped and ideas were stirred, 

before thrown together for a 

fantastic two weeks of mayhem. 

September arrived and the 

events were laid, the help squad 

polished and Freshers was 

served! 

Tramps on the streets have 

become bewildered by the 

arrival of 430 medical and dental 

students marching down the 

road in togas, school uniforms 

and skimpy beach wear! It all 

started on the 12th September 

with a week of events for the 

Graduate Entry Programme, 

London Union Medical 

Students’ Committee, informally 

known as ULU Medgroup, 

which comprises each London 

medical school student union 

president, the Medical Student 

editorial team, the London 

Medsin coordinator, the chairman 

of the BMA Medical 

Students’ Committee and associated 

London representatives, 

and myself as chairman. If you 

have any questions or concerns 

do not hesitate to contact me. 

HELLO there and a big welcome 

all you freshers at 

RFUCMS. And welcome back, 

all other medics. 

There’s been lots 

going on since term 

started, including a 

very hectic freshers’ 

week. Bad examples 

were set by mums and 

dads, there’s been 

mayhem on a boat, some 

3-legged monsters have done a 

race around the previously 

sedate Hampstead and there’ve 

been sports teams initiations for 

those who dare. Much effort 

went into the scavenger hunt 

around London and race to 

return to Huntley Street with a 

Japanese tourist/cardboard cutout 

from Leicester Square/Dr 

Bender. Fun was had by all at 

the Royal Free party, with frequent 

cries of “I'm getting 

drunk in a hospital?!?” 

before the Undergraduate programme 

students arrived on the 

17th September. We helped the 

1st years wave goodbye to their 

biological parents before 

whisking them away to introduce 

them to their new student 

mums and dads. 

The streets of Whitechapel 

have come to life, with market 

stalls being stripped of 

their.…umm.. tasteful materials, 

and pound shops being 

raided to produce some very 

interesting costumes. A big 

thank you to all those who 

helped during this hectic period 

and contributed to another 

memorable Freshers’ Fortnight. 

However it’s not all been 

about fun and how naked you 

can get. Medical students have 

been busy over the summer 

organising the Trauma 

Conference, which was attended 

by medical students across 

the country, the HEMS team, 

A&E consultants and many 

more. 

But we are not only concerned 

about medical student 

politics. As medical students we 

study hard and party hard! On 

Tuesday 18th October, as a 

finale to the numerous fresher 

s’ events across London, a massive 

party uniting every London 

medical fresher will occur at 

Ministry of Sound: 999 Party. 

BE THERE! 

s.lammy@doctors.org.uk 

Hannah Wilson 

RUMS Preclinical 

President 

The week was rounded off 

with a chilled sunset trip on the 

London Eye just to calm things 

down a bit before the learning 

starts. Though there’s not much 

chance of that with goings on 

such as the 999 party in 

October and the MDs show in 

November. 

Have a good month!


Ferras Alwan 

Editor-in-chief 

BL 

Rohin Francis 

Consultant Editor 

SGUL 

Larisa Corda 

Sub-Editor 

ICSM 

Joanne Ooi 


GKT 

Sajini Wijetelleka 


ICSM 

Zoe Spyvee 

Staff Writer 

SGUL 

Ravi Poorun 

Graphic Designer 

GKT 

Hello to all freshers! 

It's probably the lamest line 

that you’ve heard every day but 

it still needs to be said; congratulations 

and well done on making 

the right choice - London is 

THE place to study medicine! 

If you've picked this paper 

up for the first time, you’re currently 

reading the UK's largest 

free medstudent publication. 

We're a paper by London medical 

students for London medical 

students with the aims of 

pleasing and irritating you in 

equal measures. 

For those of you who've read 

us before, you might notice a 

few changes. This year we aim 

is to take the paper to new levels 

of professionalism so we've 

expanded our team from the 

measly three editors we had last 

year to a mighty nine. We also 

want to be more representative 

so we've got at least two people 

from each medschool while the 

Emma-Jane Smith 

Deputy Editor 

RUMS 

Gemma Gough 

Sports Editor 

RUMS 

Doug Fink 


RUMS 

Rajeev Advani 


GKT 

Luke Das 

Staff Writer 

BL 

Ryan Maginn 

Staff Writer 

BL 

Holly Thompson 

Photographer 

RUMS 

lovely Zoe will add a GEP perspective. 

In the shape of the 

Gem we have a dedicated 

sports editor so beware of making 

an arse of yourself on the 

rugby field from now on - it 

WILL be reported to 10,000 

readers across London! You 

may also notice the paper looks 

a bit slicker, thanks in no small 

part to having Holly, a top photographer 

at our beck and call, 

and our new design whiz Ravi, 

possibly the world's leading 

expert on anything graphical. If 

there's still something you'd 

like to see in here or want to get 

involved yourself then email 

me and we'll see what we can 

do! 

Damn it, I'm out of room and 

I haven't cussed anyone yet. 

Next month's column will be 

less boring and more inflammatory, 

promise! 

ferras.alwan@ulu.lon.ac.uk 

A pain in the burs 

Continued from page 1.... 

Those who sent their form in 

late or whose term has yet to 

start will have to wait a little 

longer. Medics and Dentists 

have though been given priority 

over all other healthcare students 

and the SGU aim to clear 

the majority of the 2,500 long 

backlog by the end of October. 

In the meantime, the SGU 

aims to pay the 300 students 

applying for the second year 

within the next week. If medical 

schools are demanding 

tuition fees then students are 

advised to get in contact with 

the SGU (if the phone lines 

aren't engaged) or to tell their 

medical school that they should 

invoice the SGU. 

MS will keep you informed 

of the situation. 


From zero to hero 

Join the greatest force since the A-Team and you too can become cool and popular and stuff 

George’s serve up 

winning performance 

ST. GEORGE’S did not seem to be satisfied 

with already being hockey and netball 

champions, so decided to win the 

UH Men’s Tennis Cup. 

The final was played a drop-shot 

away from the All England Lawn Tennis 

Club in Wimbledon, between Bart’s and 

the London and St. George’s. 

A close-fought contest saw twelve stu- 

dents battle it out with George’s emerging 

on top by just half a point. 

IN our June issue, we published photos 

from year’s Bumps, kindly reproduced 

courtesy of Tim Knight. Unfortunately 

Tim’s name was accidentally omitted 

from the photographs. You can take a look 

at more of his work at 

www.timknight.co.uk. 

The words ‘hunk’ 

and ‘Rohin’ have 

never, ever been used in the same 

sentence before he joined MS. 

3 

CLIMBING on 

board the Medical 

Student bandwagon 

will be the 

greatest thing you 

ever do*. Whether 

you are a budding 

journalist, photographer 

or artist, 

you want to get 

involved with 

something 

extracurricular or 

you just crave attention (the reason why pretty 

much the entire editorial team joined). 

Take the example of last year’s editor-inchief, 

Rohin Francis. Before he joined 

Medical Student, he was a pathetic wretch of a 

human. He eaked out a pitiful existence in his 

medical school, shunned by all and sundry. He 

occasionally attempted conversation with others. 

He was slapped. He even worked for the 

BMA (MSC membership is geekier than 

speaking Klingon), so degenerate had he 

become. Then something amazing happened. 

Medical Student Newspaper happened. 

Overnight, Rohin became a new man. 

Women wanted him, men wanted to be him. 

He walked around St. George’s with a swagger 

as girls threw flowers and crowds chanted 

“long live the editor”. St. George’s name 

change was extensively covered last year in 

MS, but what we didn’t report is that the students’ 

first choice had been St. Rohin’s School 

for the Hot. Rohin, one of the most arrogant 

modest people you will meet, blocked the 

move. The Princess Royal decorated him with 

a Laurel and said “one would like to jump 

your bones”. 

Finally, Rohin was featured in the largest 

Asian magazine outside India, Asiana, in an 

article entitled ‘How to Build the Perfect 

Man’. He has reportedly gone into hiding as 

young Asian girls repeatedly mob him in the 

streets and as such, he can not even go within 

a mile of GKT for fear of death. 

Rohin was busy erecting a statue of himself 

in his garden, so sent a message through one of 

his eight secretaries, stating that none of this 

had gone to his head. 

Medical Student is full of success stories. 

Popstars Raghav and Rouge owe their entire 

success to having featured in the paper. 

Deputy editor Emma-Jane Smith has has her 

face on a stamp in Swaziland and current ed 

Ferras Alwan has been given a berth on the 

next mission to Mars. 

If YOU want to join the force, visit 

www.medical-student.co.uk or email the 

editor: ferras.alwan@ulu.lon.ac.uk. 

* - Not legally binding.

4 October 2005 - EJ’s news - 


‘Space tourist’ takes infection 

study to brand new heights 

GOT a few million to spare 

from your student loan this 

year? Thought so. Then follow 

in the footsteps of US entrepeneur 

Gregory Olsen, who has 

become the third ‘space tourist’ 

to pay a visit to the 

International Space Station 

(ISS), after American Dennis 

Tito and South African Mark 

Shuttleworth. 

The 60-year-old co-founder 

of Sensors Unlimited is said to 

have forked out over £11 million 

for the week-long stay, and 

at that price you'd hope it was 

all-inclusive. 

But a trained materials scientist 

as well as a millionaire, 

Olsen did not simply float in 

A DOCTOR who tried to help 

a terminally ill friend to die has 

been struck off the medical register 

by the General Medical 

Council. 

Dr Michael Irwin, a wellknown 

right-to-die campaigner 

from Surrey, admitted to stockpiling 

large quantities of the 

benzodiazepine temazepam, 

with the intention of helping his 

friend Patrick Kneen to die at 

his request. 

But on arrival at the home of 

Mr Kneen - himself a euthanasia 

campaigner - Dr Irwin had 

found him too ill to ingest the 

pills. Mr Kneen, who was suffering 

from prostate cancer, fell 

into a coma and died several 

days later. 

The GMC panel condemned 

the actions of the 74-year-old as 

irresponsible and abusive of his 

position as a doctor, and found 

him guilty of serious professional 

misconduct. 

The case was referred to the 

GMC after Dr Irwin was given 

a police caution for possession 

with intent to supply a class C 

drug. He claimed to keep a supply 

of temazepam for his own 

microgravity and take the 

world's most impressive holiday 

snaps; he conducted experiments 

on himself. 

Supported by the European 

Space Agency (ESA), Olsen 

last week investigated the 

effects of space motion sickness 

and lower back pain, and 

collected data on the microorganisms 

present on the ISS. 

The first experiment aimed 

to help ESA better understand 

the mechanisms behind motion 

sickness, vertigo and nausea - 

conditions which affect millions. 

It compared changes in 

the human vestibular system 

when exposed to weightlessness, 

to the effects on the sys- 

use to relieve jet lag, but the 

panel found the numbers of 

pills “excessive.” 

Dr Irwin told the panel that 

he knew of several physicians 

with ‘twinning’ arrangements 

with fellow doctors to help each 

“Whatever happens 

today, I assure you I 

will continue to campaign 

to see a change 

in the law to legalise 

doctor assisted suicide.” 

other commit suicide, if ever a 

painful death threatened. He 

said he was twinned with a 

retired doctor in Glasgow, and 

he accused doctors of “double 

standards” if they refused to do 

the same for a friend or longterm 

patient who is terminally 

ill and suffering. 

It was recently revealed that 

Dr Irwin, a former chairman of 

the Voluntary Euthanasia 

Society, had also founded the 

underground organisation The 

Last Choice, which illegally 

provided terminally ill British 

people with sums of money to 

enable them to travel to a Swiss 

suicide clinic. 

Payments of up to £2,000 per 

person were allocated to cover 

flights, hotels, cremation and 

tem by centrifugation on Earth. 

The research conducted into 

back pain aimed to understand 

how changes in muscles influence 

lower back pain - an 

extremely common cause of 

chronic pain - which in astronauts 

is thought to be due to 

postural muscle atrophy. 

Meanwhile, the microorganism 

study aimed to detect and 

document the population of the 

station's smallest inhabitants, 

inadvertently shipped to the 

ISS over the years via astronauts 

and unsterilised equipment 

from all over the world. 

The results should reveal how 

microbial species are affected 

by spaceflight, and in particular 

doctors’ fees at the clinic, 

which is run by the Swiss charity 

Dignitas. 

Such actions are criminal 

offences under the 1961 

Suicide Act, which states that 

anyone who “aids, abets, counsels 

or procures the suicide of 

another” is liable to up to 14 

years' imprisonment. 

Dr Irwin, who is also a former 

medical director of the 

United Nations, knew that he 

was breaking the law, as 

revealed by a leaked email 

dated 30th March this year. An 

undercover reporter from The 

Telegraph who contacted Dr 

Irwin, claiming to have a terminally 

ill relative who wished to 

use the services of Dignitas, 

was assured that “if any financial 

assistance were needed, 

one would personally write a 

cheque which would be to your 

father's bank account.” 

if and how their genetic mutation 

rate has been affected by 

the increased exposure to radiation 

that occurs in orbit. 

Quite rightly then, the 

American refuses to be labelled 

a 'space tourist'. “Learning how 

to live and work in space and 

my upcoming mission are truly 

a dream come true for me,” he 

said before take off. “But I am 

first and foremost a scientist, 

and I am going to carry out real 

science aboard the ISS.” 

Launched on a Soyuz craft 

from Baikonur Cosmodrome, 

Kazakhstan on 1st October, 

Olsen is due to return from 

orbit today. 

Defiant euthanasia GP struck off 

Doctor assisted suicide is 

legal in the US state of 

Oregon and in the 

Netherlands and Belgium 

and has been decriminalised 

in Switzerland. 

Outraged opponents of 

euthanasia have called for the 

organisation to be investigated, 

with ProLife Alliance claiming 

that “the anti-life movement in 

this country is showing its total 

disregard for the law.” 

But Dr Irwin still refuses to 

back down on the issues he has 

devoted his life to. In a statement 

to the GMC he said, “I 

believe passionately that in this 

apparently enlightened 21st 

century, terminally ill patients 

should have the right to obtain 

medical assistance to die, if this 

is their wish. 

“Although our British society 

is in principle just, I strongly 

believe that the existing law on 

assisted suicide is unjust and 

that sometimes a compassionate 

physician has a greater duty 

to a patient or a close friend 

than his or her duty to the 

state.” 

A survey last month by the 

UK polling organisation 

YouGov found huge popular 

support for the legalisation 

of doctor assisted suicide, 

with 86% of respondents 

agreeing with the statement 

that people who are terminally 

ill “should have the right 

to decide when they want to 

die and to ask for medical 

assistance to help them.” 

End of the line MS brings you the month’s bizarre news roundup 

N 

PROSTATE cancer radio 

A P ATHOLOGICAL liars V 

ATURAL mothering US 

websites are advising 

mothers to deliberately infect 

their offspring with chickenpox 

by making them interact with 

infected children, admidst fears 

that the vaccine is ineffective. 

The gatherings of children 

have been termed ‘pox parties’. 

ad starring Ricky Gervais 

has been relegated to after the 

watershed. It features a doctor 

inserting a finger into a man’s 

rectum to check for cancer. A 

radio watchdog has also 

ordered the removal of a 

‘squish’ noise from the advert. 

may have up to 26% more 

white matter than other people. 

Having more white matter in 

the prefrontal cortex may aid 

lying as it mediates quick and 

complex thinking, say the team 

from the University of 

Southern California. 

OLUNTEERS with allergies 

are required at 

Nottingham City Hospital - to 

be injected with hookworms. 

The theory goes that people 

carrying the parasite have a 

reduced risk of allergies 

because their immune systems 

are ‘distracted’ by the worm. 

L 

ONDON 

OCAL 

News from London’s medschools 

BL LChip chip, array for cancer gene 

A SINGLE gene may play a 

major role in nearly all cases of 

basal cell carcinoma, claims a 

team from Barts. 

The breakthrough was made 

possible by the use of gene chip 

array technology, which 

enables the study of thousands 

of genes simultaneously. 

It was found that 70% of the 

basal cell carcinoma tumours 

studied had mutations in a single 

gene. 

RUMS 

ICSM 

GKT 

SGUL 

The hard life of sexual problems 

MARRIED women are more 

likely to have sexual problems 

than married men or single 

women, UCL research has suggested. 

The study found that women 

were significantly more likely 

than men to admit to having 

experienced a problem with 

their sex lives over the past 

year. 

Issues cited by married 

STATISTICAL modelling has 

estimated the number of crack 

cocaine users in London aged 

between 15 and 44 to be 

around 46,000, suggesting that 

one in every hundred young 

adults in the capital could be a 

user. 

This figure is four times 

higher than has been suggested 

by population surveys. The 

study also found that crack 

cocaine use is three times high- 

One per cent cracking up 

Pain-staking research is worth it 

A METHOD of assessing the 

amount of pain a patient is in 

may soon be a reality, say the 

team at the newly opened Pain 

Clinical Research Hub (PCRH) 

at King’s. 

Functional MRI scanning is 

being used at the PCRH to produce 

objective reports of brain 

SCIENTISTS at St George’s 

have discovered that the malaria 

parasite has the potential to 

become resistant to 

artemisinins, the most effective 

class of drug for the treatment 

of malignant (flalciparum) 

malaria. Artemisinins act by 

interfering with a parasite transport 

protein, whilst having no 

effect on similar human transport 

proteins. 

The team discovered that 

changing just a single amino 

acid can render the parasitic 

It is hoped the 

discovery 

will enable 

the development 

of 

more targeted 

gene 

therapy for the condition, which 

is responsible for 500 deaths 

per year. It is also expected to 

prompt similar findings for 

other forms of malignancy. 

women as causing strife in the 

bedroom included caring for 

small children and difficulties 

in communicating with their 

husbands. 

Studies in both the US and 

UK currently suggest that 

although as many as 54% of 

women and 35% of men experience 

sexual problems, but 

fewer than 11% of men and 

21% of women seek help. 

er in men, at 2.4%, than in 

women, with 0.7%. 

Dr Matthew Hickman of 

Imperial has suggested that the 

analysis reveals a worrying UK 

‘epidemic’ of crack use. 

“With almost 60 percent of 

crack cocaine users also being 

opiate users, part of the 

increase in use is driven by 

heroin users, which has implications 

for treatment and prevention,” 

he said. 

activity and thus pain intensity 

in patients suffering from various 

conditions associated with 

chronic pain. 

The technique will be used 

to diagnose pain, monitor the 

progression of disease and 

assess patients’ response to 

treatment. 

Malaria parasite still sucks 

transporter entirely resistant to 

artemisins, especially 

artemisone, the first-line drug 

of the class. 

The results serve as a warning 

to clinicians to monitor 

patients given the drugs for any 

signs of resistance.



Like a red flag to a Bull 

Just how does a medic make the break 

into television? MS spoke to Dr David 

Bull to find out. 

Luke Das 

Staff Writer 

WALKING home from school 

was never a pleasant experience. 

Battling the abrasive itch 

of that bothersome blazer 

whilst being weighed down by 

several textbooks was all I 

needed after a hard day's graft. 

After collapsing in a heap 

through my front door, nothing 

would be more satisfying than 

subjecting myself to some truly 

mind-numbing television. And 

following each session of cartoons, 

the only way to get those 

intellectual juices flowing again 

"It is ridiculous that dissection 

is being phased 

out. It was always funny 

to put bits of fascia in 

people’s pockets.” 

would be to tune into 

Newsround. Although the presenters 

often sported retinaassaulting 

cardigans, the factual 

delivery of the programme 

remained unparalleled; and to 

this day I watch the programme 

to keep up with topical issues. 

After all, there aren't many 

shows that can distil matters 

such as civil war or global 

warming down to a couple of 

minutes' explanation, especially 

for a young target audience. 

At the end of the show, my 

mum would spend a good half 

an hour trying to wrestle the 

remote control away from me, 

insisting that I would never get 

into medical school if I didn't 

do my chemistry homework. 

Ten years on, I've learned that 

mum is always right; and today 

I am glad to be able to sit as a 

medical student interviewing 

Dr David Bull, the UK's first 

children's television doctor and 

the definitive presenter of 

Newsround. 

Whilst we sit comfortably in 

a dedicated games room (complete 

with table football), Bull's 

employees at IncrediBull Ideas 

diligently mill around in the 

surrounding rooms like bees in 

a hive. The headquarters of the 

events and PR empire are situated 

at London Bridge as an 

open-plan office space, with 

most of the rooms fronted with 

glass to allow everybody to see 

everybody else. Located at the 

core of the office is a rather 

impressive bar. Since it is only 

just after lunchtime it is still 

(disappointingly) only serving 

non-alcoholic beverages, but 

Dr Bull is keen to point out that 

come Friday evening his 

employees are encouraged to 

drink and be merry at this 

watering-hole. I suddenly feel a 

tad out of place in my shirt and 

tie, as I realise all the staff are 

slouching around in jeans and tshirts 

whilst slurping on their 

complimentary coffee and tucking 

into a selection of pastries. 

It seems working for 

Incredibull Ideas is not without 

its perks. 

Dr Bull himself is dressed in 

a white polo shirt with a casually 

raised collar and smart denim 

jeans. His mop of ornately 

sculpted hair and toothpaste 

advert grin are just as I remember 

them from television, and 

he sits in great anticipation of 

the first question. Whilst I 

resort to the usual "testing, onetwo-three" 

to sound-check my 

Dictaphone, he proudly 

declares, "I am Dr David Bull, 

doctor, broadcaster, events 

manager and writer," in the 

hope that I won't omit a role 

from his repertoire. 

I open with a question begging 

to be asked. "Our generation 

will remember Newsround 

because we grew up with it. 

And I will always remember 

my mum saying, "he's probably 

not a real doctor - he's just 

someone they've stuck on the 

telly." Can you confirm to our 

readers (and my mum) that you 

are actually a qualified doctor?" 

"I am a real doctor," he 

laughs. "I qualified from St 

Mary's [now Imperial], the 

greatest medical school in 

London in 1993. I will be a doctor 

until I drop dead!" Bull hastens 

to tack some wisdom on to 

this answer. "The medical training 

you receive as a student will 

change you as a person. I am 

always told in television, and 

everything that I do, that I think 

like a doctor. I am very logical 

about my approach to problems 

and I also tend to see the glass 

as 'half full', which I think is 

important. So of course I am a 

doctor." 

Many of Dr Bull's friends are 

conventional medics and surgeons, 

whom he met during six 

years of medical school. Like 

any connection at medical 

school, these affinities were 

spawned from a combination of 

intense medical training and 

numerous nights of drunken 

debauchery. He recalls his days 

as a medical student fondly, and 

is willing to share several mischievous 

events that make our 

generation seem tame in comparison. 

"We had a ball!" he 

exclaims, still laughing. "We 

did the obligatory drinking until 

you fall over, and of course the 

treasure hunt game." I snigger 

as I wonder how anybody could 

do better than the famed roadcone 

theft of today's generation. 

Bull continues. "I vividly 

remember a rival team once 

snagging a pneumatic drill and 

challenging us to outdo them. 

One of the things on the list was 

a mounted policeman, and I 

knew that our bar was up some 

steps so getting a horse up them 

would be tricky (the rules were 

that the snagged item had to 

enter the bar). So I found two 

policemen and asked one to 

give the other a piggy back into 

the bar!" My sniggers are stifled 

by sheer awe. 

Moving onto the state of 

medical education today, Dr 

Bull is keen to share his opinions. 

"It is ridiculous that dissection 

is being phased out," he 

says, and I get the impression 

his concern isn't just for the 

educational value. "Every 

Tuesday we had a viva on what 

you had learned that week. We 

had to stand up in our white 

coats while we were being 

“Once we were resuscitating 

a very ill man and 

the team wanted to 

stop. But I insisted on 

carrying on - you get 

quite big-headed about 

these things.” 

questioned around the body. It 

was always funny to take bits of 

the fascia and put it in the pocket 

of the person standing up so 

that when they put their hands 

in their pockets they would…'" 

he pauses. "Of course that 

would never be allowed these 

days. I'm not sure I can even 

repeat a lot of what we used to 

do." At this point I assure my 

interviewee that the fine 

(autonomous) publication that 

is Medical Student would have 

no qualms about printing his 

I don’t Bullieve it: Luke meets the man himself 

stories. He goes on. "When we 

got to the brain, for example, 

we had saw the head off and 

then pull the brain out and 

remove the neural attachments. 

We always turned it into a race, 

as was the tradition at Mary's." 

But aside from the fun and 

games, Dr Bull was keen to 

make it clear that a great deal of 

gratitude was paid to those who 

donated their bodies, and 

denies any disrespect. "It was 

all in good humour, and I'm 

sure the people that donated 

their bodies would probably 

have found it humorous as 

well." 

Before embarking on a television 

career, Bull spent a great 

deal of time as a cog in the vast 

machine of the NHS. Although 

admittedly "quite torn" about 

his career decisions, he loved 

wielding the power to make 

people better. "Once when I 

was the A&E SHO we were 

resuscitating a very ill man and 

the team wanted to stop. But I 

insisted on carrying on - you 

get quite big-headed about 

these things - and the patient 

eventually came round, much 

to everyone's surprise. About 

three months later a welldressed 

man appeared in the 

department and introduced 

himself as that patient, and gave 

me a pen engraved with my 

name. It was amazing to realise 

that I had had such an impact 

on someone's life." 

But with the impact comes 

hospital politics, which Bull 

has much to say about. "The 

NHS is a bureaucratic, inefficient, 

and ridiculous system, 

managed by morons who don't 

know what they are doing. I 

remember being in a lift once at 

one particular hospital and 

overhearing a conversation 

between managers going along 

the lines of: "This hospital is 

running well, but it would run 

so much more efficiently if 

there weren't any patients." 

So just how did Dr Bull man- 

“The agent asked me 

why she would want a 

doctor in television. I 

said to her, ‘Because if 

you don't you'll regret it. 

I'm the next big thing.’” 

age to escape the medical rat 

race and break into television? 

"I had no money as a student or 

junior doctor. I owed the bank 

tens of thousands of pounds, 

and started modelling to earn 

some cash. On my trail of horrible, 

horrible jobs I stumbled 

upon a modelling agency that 

suggested I make a show reel 

(TV equivalent of a CV) and 

come back to be introduced to 

an agent. So I went to meet this 

potential agent, a smart woman 

with big hair, dripping in jewellery, 

who asked me, "Why 

would I want to be your agent? 

Why would I want a doctor in 

television?" And I don't know 

where my line came from, but I 

said to her, "Because if you 

don't you'll regret it. I'm the 

next big thing." She sat back 

and said, "You have 15 minutes 

to convince me. Go!" 

His legendary role as a presenter 

of Newsround was not a 

post that was advertised, and 

took a lot of convincing by his 

agent to bag. Bull himself 

5 

found the switch from wards to 

studios demanding, and found 

the requirements of a children's 

presenter unfamiliar and daunting. 

"The frustrating thing was 

having to simplify and condense 

everything down. When 

talking about hay fever for 

example, there's no time to go 

into IgE and mast cell degranulation. 

You have 1 minute 20 

seconds to convey the main 

points about hay fever to the 

nation's children." 

Dr Bull's next big break was 

being invited to front Watchdog 

Healthcheck after meeting 

Anne Robinson, who was to 

become Bull's mentor in the television 

industry. Now with several 

shows under his belt, Dr 

Bull has come a long way in the 

industry, and recently picked up 

a Royal Television Society 

Award for his work in children's 

television. Radio is 

something he hopes to explore 

next, and Magic FM auditioned 

him just days before our interview. 

Not a bad CV for a 36year-old. 

People are often quick to 

assume that the work Dr Bull 

does has little clinical relevance, 

but Dr Bull is ready with 

an answer to that. "One of my 

mates, a consultant breast surgeon, 

called me the other day 

and asked when I would "get a 

proper job and stop messing 

about on TV." I asked him how 

many people he'd seen in clinic 

that day, which was about 20. 

My reply was, "Well I've just 

seen 5 million and if just 1 per 

cent of those people take on 

board what I have just said, it's 

going to have a huge impact."

6 



A bitter pill to swallow 

Medicine has always been one of the most secure careers around but this 

year thousands of doctors find themselves out of work and mired in debt. 

What’s gone wrong and who’s to blame? 

3,000 

The BMA's estimate for the 

number of unemployed 

SHOs. 

507 

The average number of 

applicants for each A&E 

SHO position advertised in 

BMJ Careers, making it the 

most competitive speciality. 

General Medicine saw 352 

applicants per advert, 

General Surgery 319 and 

Psychiatry 283. 

367 


applicants for each London 

job advertised in BMJ 

Careers, the highest in the 

UK. 

206 


applicants for Trust SHO 

posts advertised in BMJ 

Careers - despite the fact 

that doctors are reccomended 

to avoid Trust jobs due to 

the lack of training and 

career progression opportunities. 

The huge job deficit 

means even notoriously bad 

positions are attracting 

immense competition. 

17,000 

The amount of debt the 

average medical student 

finds themselves in. For 

graduates this figure is often 

closer to £50,000. 

56 

Or more specifically £56.20, 

The weekly amount given to 

the thousands of unemployed 

doctors being left 

with no option but to claim 

jobseeker’s allowance. 

237,000 

The cost to produce one 

Is strike action the only options doctors have left to prevent the decimation of their careers? 

Leigh Bissett 

I hope, in three years time, I 

shall have a job. I hope that I 

shall be able to work as a doctor. 

But even more importantly 

I hope I can work as a doctor in 

the UK. However, given the 

current climate of unemployment 

in the medical profession, 

I begin to fear none of these are 

likely outcomes to my six years 

of training. As a medical student 

selected from thousands of 

others to study at a new medical 

school specifically opened in 

East Anglia to bolster the dwindling 

number of doctors in the 

region, you would think I 

would be optimistic and unconcerned 

about my future career 

prospects and training; a job in 

the bag. In the last four years 

there has been massive public 

expenditure on UK medical students' 

education and it runs in 

to more than £250,000 per student. 

The personal shortcomings 

for each have been considerable 

as well, with debts of 

over £10,000 and considerable 

paternal investment and now 

the prospect of extending time 

as a sales assistant or even the 

possibility of being on the dole. 

Why even bother studying 

medicine at all, two years 

longer and no jobs? 

Most, if not all, will be aware 

of the massive reforms taking 

place to junior doctors training, 

these changes may well leave 

thousands of doctors in limbo 

without any training job whatsoever, 

and nowhere will this 

be more apparent than in the 

London region, an area which is 

already overpopulated with 

medical graduates, an area 

which extends from Hull in the 

South to Great Yarmouth in the 

East. The Department of Health 

(DH) have kept their heads 

firmly buried in the sand over 

this issue but the problem is 

only going to get worse over 

the next five years unless the 

government wake up to this 

workforce crisis. I know of a 

number of academically excellent 

UK medical graduates in 

London who until this year 

were working as junior doctors, 

and these personal contacts are 

not the rare exception by any 

means. One of the doctors 

applied for a training post in 

Accident and Emergency which 

had over 2000 other applicants 

for a single training post, with 

most applications coming from 

qualified international graduates. 

Over 100 applications 

later, they are still jobless. This 

problem is not confined to 

London, although, the extent of 

the problem is obvious here; 

some doctors throughout the 

country are struggling to find 

jobs - it has almost become a 

lottery in some areas. Qualified 

and able doctors are being 

forced to do locum (temporary) 

work in order to pay off student 

debts and to earn some money 

to survive, all this when the UK 

are desperately short of consultants. 

Now, UK doctors are considering 

work outside of the 

UK. Australia, USA and New 

Zealand have had their medical 

recruiters step up campaigns to 

entice British doctors abroad 

and at a time of unemployment 

and uncertainty the offer is 

proving very attractive to many. 

All this happens as the UK government 

attempts to combat 

waiting times with a 

doctor:patient ratio that most 

developed countries would be 

uncomfortable with. 

On qualification I personally 

planned to make applications 

to trusts in the London region 

with the intention to work my 

way up the careers ladder in the 

seemingly 'seamless' modernised 

training. I am conscious 

of my duty to the UK who have 

given me the opportunity to 

train as a doctor. However, 

given the choice of a job in 

Australia or potential unemployment 

in the UK, the pragmatist 

in me would force me to 

sunnier climates. As I will start 

on the new training programme 

in 2007 I may be lucky enough 

to avoid the scramble for a UK 

post but I remain deeply concerned 

by the lack of jobs. 

This whole sorry situation 

stems from the Department of 

Health's dismal workforce planning 

but hand in hand with this 

is the government's appalling 

approach to recruitment of 

international doctors, with the 

Secretary of State for Health 

propounding the notion that it is 

okay to have unemployed international 

doctors in this country 

whilst seeing our own influx in 

to another, it is plain lunacy. 

For years the NHS has been 

reliant on health professionals 

from countries such as the 

Philippines or India, who themselves 

are drastically short of 

skilled workers in health. 

However, when these doctors 

arrive in the UK many of them 

end up working as cleaners as 

they are forced to train for 

national entrance exams whilst 

in the UK. Doctors from outside 

the European Union must 

sit the Professional, Linguistics 

Assessment Board (PLAB) 

examination, consisting of clinical 

and English language tests 

in order to practice in the UK, a 

lengthy and expensive procedure. 

This is a waste of individual 

talent and robbery of the 

skilled workforce of desperately 

poor countries. I would never 

suggest that international doctors 

should not be permitted in 

to the UK but poaching doctors 

who then end up in unskilled 

jobs is morally reprehensible. 

There is clearly a massive 

shortage of training jobs for 

junior doctors. As the government 

spends huge amounts of 

tax-payers' money to make the 

UK self sufficient it seems 

absurd to lose our own skilled 

labour to other countries due to 

an inability to acknowledge that 

there is a training gap. As I look 

to make an application for my 

first job as a doctor this year, I, 

like many others, will be looking 

not only within the UK but 

also abroad to ensure that my 

hard earned skills are not wasted. 

The abysmal workforce 

planning from the Department 

of Health (DH) has to stop now. 

It is they that have caused this 

jobs crisis, and for the sake of 

the future of the NHS, they 

need to take action now to 

resolve it.



The Department of Health may continue to deny there is a problem but the reality tells a different 

story. Medical Student exclusively spoke to three doctors unable to find work in London. 

Dr Matthew Corbett qualified 

from St George's in 2003, 

having entered medical 

school as a mature student 

and graduating with over 

£52,000 in debts. With the 

aim of going into A&E or 

anaesthetics, he applied for a 

number of anaesthetics rotations 

in our around the 

London area but without success. 

Since August he has 

applied for eight more jobs 

but had just one interview 

which was ultimately unsuccessful. 

Who do you blame for all 

this? 

Everyone involved in the planning 

of MMC. All the warnings 

of impending disaster have 

been ignored. The BMA has not 

fought our corner or rallied 

grassroots level activism. 

Juniors have not refused onerous 

changes, quoting fear of 

reprisals. There is also an 

atmosphere of 'I've got a job, 

why should I get involved?', 

even though MMC will see the 

end of all those rotations existing 

now, with no guarantee that 

those doctors on the rotations 

now will continue to have a job. 

Dr William Birts graduated 

from Bristol hoping to 

embark on a long career in 

surgery. After applying to 

over forty jobs predominately 

in London and the South 

West, he had one unsuccessful 

interview and has subsequently 

considered leaving 

the country. In the meantime 

he has no option but to move 

back into his mother's home. 


this? 

I blame the government. I agree 

that junior doctor training had 

to be revised after the reduction 

in our hours brought about by 

the European Working Time 

Directive but it is the way in 

which it has been implemented 

that I find so incredible. The 

department of health has 

rushed through Modernising 

Medical Careers and overlooked 

some very serious consequences 

for many of the juniors 

involved. Many of us are 

caught between the old and new 

systems and it seems that no 

provision has been made for 

this. Even more worrying is that 

despite evidence presented to 

the DoH by the BMA regarding 

The Deaneries have not fought 

for appropriate increases in 

funding for training posts. The 

Trusts have not increased the 

number of posts in hospital, 

despite the NHS being chronically 

short of doctors and the 

introduction of EWTD. Trust 

management view junior doctors 

as simply patient processing 

units, which are fully interchangeable 

and rely upon the 

fear of poor job references to 

suppress any complaints. I feel 

that the DoH has been working 

with the hidden agenda of 

devaluing doctors and forcing 

unrealistic competition in order 

to undermine the position of the 

profession in future pay and 

condition negotiations. 

How would you remedy the 

situation? 

All posts should be recognised 

for training purposes. Any 

experience gained in hospital 

posts is valuable in terms of 

career advancement. Implying 

that a post is service provision 

only and therefore does not 

carry sufficient supervision to 

count towards skill development 

is implying that service 

provision is a second class job 

carried out by dullards treating 

unemployment amongst SHOs 

they continue to dismiss the situation 

and continue to quote 

unemployment figures of 

around the 100 mark. While the 

DoH refuses to acknowledge 

the problem there can be no 

solution- it makes me wonder 

what other issues the government 

has failed to address over 

the past few years. 


situation? 

I certainly wouldn't decrease 

intake to medical schools. It is 

well publicised that as a country 

we are short of consultants 

and GPs and therefore need to 

train more doctors to meet the 

shortfall. The problem is that 

there are not enough training 

posts at the SHO grade- therefore, 

the solution would be to 

increase funding for the 

deaneries so that more training 

positions are in existence. 

Many of the current clinical fellow 

posts would become training 

posts simply if they were 

funded by deaneries and not by 

hospital trusts as the jobs themselves 

are identical to the 

accredited posts. 

patients who do not deserve 

treatment by properly assessed 

doctors. Also, having trained 

for 5-6 years to qualify, whilst 

having to incur huge debts to 

the Government, and only 

being able to train further in 

the NHS, doctors do require 

additional career protection. 

This is not only to protect doctors 

against financial hardship 

but also to protect the investment 

made in our training by 

the taxpayers. We have the lowest 

ratio of doctors per 1000 

head of population than any 

other developed country. The 

demand on the NHS is rising. 

There needs to be a proper 

assessment of how many doctors 

are required to meet 

demand. With the results of 

such an investigation, Trust 

should be told how many doctors 

they need to employ, 

including numbers needed to 

cover planned absences. With 

all of the posts thus created 

being funded through the 

Deaneries. The DoH must stop 

'strip-mining' medical graduates 

from East European and 

developing countries, with 

promise of assured work on 

passing the PLAB test. This 

practice is leaving those coun- 

The BMA has suggested that 

international medical graduates 

(IMGs) are prevented from 

working in this country unless 

they have a specific job to go to 

on arrival in the UK. This is 

quite a controversial but, in my 

view, necessary step for the 

good of both UK trained doctors 

and IMGs. At the moment 

the GMC makes a mint from 

record numbers of IMGs taking 

PLAB- they then struggle to 

find a post in the UK having 

been assured that jobs are easy 

to come by here. The system is 

flooded with applications to 

each SHO post; there are 

reports of posts receiving over 

a thousand applications. How 

can each application be considered 

in this environment? The 

current system isn't even fair to 

the IMGs themselves. Many of 

these doctors arrive in the UK 

at great expense to themselves, 

undergo an expensive PLAB 

exam and then go on to pay for 

the pleasure of a clinical 

attachment because they are 

unable to find a paid position in 

the NHS. This, in my view, is a 

shameful process that isn't 

highlighted enough in the 

media. Another consideration 

tries dangerously short of experienced 

doctors and is bankrupting 

those graduates who 

pass the test but fail to gain 

employment. Failure to address 

the problem urgently is going to 

result in a future staffing crisis, 

as many juniors are looking to 

leave the UK. Contrary to the 

DoH assertion that many juniors 

go overseas for a short 

time and then return, those 

going overseas now, especially 

to Australia and New Zealand, 

are very unlikely to return. 

These countries are offering 

fast track immigration now. The 

BMA should be organising 

robust information for those 

students considering medicine 

as a career, emphasising the 

huge debts that will be 

incurred, the loss of NI contributory 

years and the likelihood 

of not finding consistent work 

once qualified. This should, at 

least, give the press a 'shock' 

angle, to get this problem into 

the public's view. 

Has being unemployed 

caused you any problems? 

I have had to claim Job Seekers 

Allowance, if only to protect my 

NI contributions. I had not 

taken out loss of earnings 

is towards the British taxpayer 

who has paid around £250,000 

for each SHO educated in this 

country. This may not seem like 

a relevant argument to many 

students but wait until you start 

dishing that money out yourself- 

that's when it really starts 

to hurt. Of course, having said 

all of this, the situation cannot 

be remedied until the DoH 

decide to acknowledge the 

problem so a first step would be 

a public demonstration to the 

government of just how many 

juniors there are who are unemployed! 

Have you considered working 

abroad? 

Having just returned from 

working in Australia for a year 

I have seen how enjoyable life 

for a doctor down under can 

be. They are crying out for junior 

doctors in Australia at the 

moment and I was even offered 

a post when I left. At times, on 

considering the current climate 

for juniors in the UK, I have 

wondered why I ever came back 

and certainly will consider my 

future in this country if I am 

unable to get on a surgical 

training programme here. I 

insurance to cover my mortgage 

or loan repayments, as I 

never expected to be in this 

position. The cost of this protection 

is also very high. If I did 

not have a partner who is in a 

position to help with my mortgage 

repayments, I would now 

be facing the possibility of loosing 

my home. 

Have you considered working 

abroad? 

Yes. I am looking at the possibility 

of going to train n anaesthetics 

in Canada. If I do go I 

will be very unlikely to return to 

the NHS or indeed to the UK. 

How would you advise medical 

students worried about 

being in the same situation? 

Either do not choose medicine 

as a career or take out as much 

loss of earnings 

insurance/repayment insurance 

as you can. Under no circumstances 

allow yourself to feel 

any security in your career and 

look for the first opportunity to 

leave employment in the NHS, 

i.e. private sector or, preferably 

abroad. 

would highly recommend a 

year in Australia to any junior 

while they still can - however, if 

you sort out a post for your 

return before going, life can be 

a lot less stressful. 




I think (and sincerely hope) that 

this situation won't affect those 

who enter the system via the 

foundation programmes 

although only time will tell. 

Problems for the future can 

only be avoided if the DoH 

faces up to the problem and 

start sorting it out. My advice 

would be to keep an ear close to 

the ground as it is important to 

keep up to date with our ever 

changing training schemes. 

Medical politics seem pretty 

dreary and there are many 

more interesting things to be 

getting on with while at medical 

school but try and maintain 

some bearing on the current 

issues. Believe it or not they 

will affect you at some point 

and if you can see potential 

problems looming then you are 

much better equipped to deal 

with them when they arrive. 

7 

Dr Tom Agombar graduated 

from Leeds in 2002. After 

doing house jobs in Leeds he 

worked for a year at the 

Royal Free followed by a 

year as a volunteer doctor in 

Bhutan. Initially applying 

for London jobs, he had no 

luck so widened his net 

across the UK but 36 job 

applications later, he is still 

without a job, has moved into 

his mum's home and is having 

to claim jobseeker's 

allowance. 


this? 

The Department of Health 

clearly has no concept of workforce 

planning and resource 

management. They are currently 

throwing millions of pounds 

down the drain by leaving doctors 

who they have already 

trained to claim benefits rather 

than employing them in the 

NHS. They increased the number 

of medical school places 

without increasing the number 

of training posts. They have 

done nothing to challenge the 

idea that the NHS desperately 

needs junior doctors from 

abroad. They have overseen 

the introduction of the 

Foundation programme and 

the consequential loss of standalone 

posts. In short, they have 

had years of warning of the 

current crisis but have done 

absolutely nothing about it. 


situation? 

The DoH needs to create more 

training posts immediately to 

stop the waste of millions of 

pounds of taxpayers money. In 

the longer-term it needs to look 

carefully at the NHS workforce 

needs and plan how to meet 

these needs. For example, 

there is currently a desperate 

shortage of GPs and consultants 

in some fields so the DoH 

should be working to fill these 

posts as soon as possible. 

What speciality do you want 

to go into? 

I want to work as a GP eventually, 

but I wanted to gain a 

diversity of experience in hospital 

medicine first by doing a 

series of stand-alone SHO 

posts. I have now had to scrap 

this idea and I have applied for 

GP training starting in 

February 2006 instead. 




Apply for jobs as early as possible 

in the recruitment period - 

you need to start applying for 

jobs commencing in February 

preceding August. Don't expect 

to be able to choose where in 

the country you want to work. 

Apply for training schemes 

which arrange a series of jobs 

for you rather than trying to 

make your own series of 6 

month jobs.

8 



Surviving the snowstorm 

From queen of the catwalk to “Cocaine Kate”, the career of Ms Moss has taken a turn for the 

worse since her extracurricular activities became public. But what’s the real deal with coke? 


Sub Editor 

F. Scott Fitzgerald never dreamt 

that it would come to this. That 

the beautiful and the damned 

would have their carefully-protected 

decadence exposed in 

such a torrid manner. 

Addiction, it can be testified, 

is the purest form of pleasure. It 

is this guilty pleasure, consumed 

in private that has sent 

the career of London's bestknown 

style export into virtual 

freefall. 

Like many a young professional 

she shares the same city 

sky with, Kate Moss likes to 

party. Her poison of choice, 

cocaine, is perennially popular, 

and has been so amongst 

Londoners since 1885. 

The crystallised white powder 

often prized today, was first 

created by Mr Albert Niemann, 

a German chemist, in 1860. Its 

effects were studied in greater 

depth by a certain Mr Freud, 

who, after injecting himself 

with the drug, established that 

cocaine was a powerful physical 

stimulant and also a mental 

euphoriant. When Freud's colleague, 

Carl Koller, demonstrated 

its efficacy as a local 

anaesthetic in eye surgery, 

cocaine was hailed by medical 

science as a new wonder drug, 

making its way into analgesic 

products, like toothache drops 

to haemorrhoid plasters and 

inhalers. The market grew 

exponentially, and commercial 

coca plantations were set up far 

beyond the Andes, where the 

sun shined and mountains were 

high. 

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle created 

the fictional Sherlock 

Holmes with the intention to 

mark his detective out as an 

eccentric bohemian connoisseur. 

Like his Meerschaum pipe 

and his priceless violin, 

Holmes' cocaine-injecting was 

a habit that set him apart from 

common tastes. The very same 

need to stay edgy, stylish and 

alert has kept modern snow 

worshippers (most commonly 

found in the media, fashion and 

music industries) at the altar of 

the blow! 

Like alcohol in the 1920's and 

pre-marital sex in the 1990's, 

the home of the puritans, aka 

the United States, led the backlash 

against all things fun and 

dandy. The 1880's saw the drug 

implicated in the racial panics 

of the American south; tabloid 

newspapers ran reports of 'coke 

niggers' raping white women 

and turning into maniacs with 

the strength of ten men. 

Cocaine was removed from 

mass-market products such as 

Coca-Cola, and was tagged on 

to the Narcotics Bill for the 

control of opiates that was currently 

passing into law. The 

world followed suit after World 

War I, withdrawing cocaine 

products from the common 

market. Addiction ensured that 

demand remained high, and the 

market came to be supplied by 

criminal sources. Cocaine was 

to remain available in its chem- 

ical form: the most concentrated, 

the easiest to smuggle, the 

most lucrative and also the dangerous. 

Fast forward to 2005. 

Cocaine has evolved beyond 

the upmarket image it gained in 

the 1980's. Given the current 

prices, of cocaine, it is no 

longer a marker of the upper 

echelons of sophistication, taste 

and disposable income. It 

remains popular in the industries 

where the young, highlypaid 

and hedonistic are obliged 

to work long hours in pampered 

high-pressure environments, 

cocaine is seen as an adjunct to 

both work and leisure. 

Epidemiologists have begun 

to note that the typical career of 

a cocaine user is around 3-5 

years, with far fewer lifetime 

users than opiates or alcohol. 

The proportion of these users is 

growing at an alarming rate. A 

naughty line or two is all very 

well, as long as it is taken 

responsibly, with informed consent 

and a thorough appreciation 

of the possible consequences, 

whether good or bad. 

Addiction on the other hand, is 

where things get ugly. 

Spending up to £200 per day on 

four grams of coke, and snorting 

five lines in forty minutes, 

is the sign of a habitual user. 

Common sense dictates that 

these users are most likely to 

become addicted to the euphoria 

and the slim figure regular 

stimulant use brings. The 

American Psychiatric 

Association defines addiction is 

a "chronically relapsing disor- 

der that is characterized by 

three major elements: (a) compulsion 

to seek and take the 

drug, (b) loss of control in limiting 

intake, and (c) emergence 

of a negative emotional state 

when access to the drug is prevented". 

This disorder results 

from the repeated use of a drug 

over a prolonged period of 

time, causing physical changes 

in the brain. 

Cocaine acts on the mesoaccumbens 

dopamine (DA) pathway 

of the midbrain, extending 

from the ventral tegumental 

area (VTA) to the nucleus 

accumbens (NAc). This pathway 

is also known as the 

reward pathway, since it runs 

through the area of the brain 

that is activated upon a userdefined 

pleasurable experience, 

e.g. drinking alcohol or thinking 

about sex. Such behaviour 

is reinforced due to the positive 

effects felt when this pathway 

is stimulated. Physiologically, 

the DA pathway begins when a 

transmitting neuron releases 

dopamine, which binds to DA 

receptors on the receiving neuron, 

propagating an action 

potential. Subsequently, the 

dopamine reuptake transporters 

(DATs) of the transmitting cell 

pump the previously used 

dopamine back into the cell for 

re-use. Cocaine works by binding 

to the dopamine reuptake 

transporters, thus blocking 

them from functioning. This 

results in dopamine levels 

increasing in the synapse, and 

consequently, the receiving 

neuron is continuously stimu- 

lated. The constant firing of the 

receiving neurons leads to a 

feeling of euphoria. Coke also 

acts on the reuptake transporters 

of serotonin and adrenaline, 

and therefore, the levels of 

these neurotransmitters are also 

increased. Serotonin plays a 

role similar to dopamine in the 

DA pathway. 

Adrenaline stimulates the 

"fight or flight" response of the 

sympathetic nervous system 

characterized by heightened 

heart rate, blood pressure, respiration 

rate, and body temperature 

as well as dilation of 

pupils and sweating; these phenomena 

produce an energizing 

feeling, as I'm sure you are 

aware! 

Things come to a head when 

cocaine usage ceases to be a 

voluntary action: this is the 

onset of addiction. The positive 

reinforcement of the sensation 

of euphoria eventually alters 

the brain so that the use of 

cocaine is obligatory. 

Experiments on rats indicate 

that addicted rates are aware of 

the level of cocaine in their systems 

and prefer to maintain that 

level through subsequent injections 

of the drug. These experiments 

demonstrate the "compulsion 

to seek and take the 

drug" aspect of the definition of 

addiction. 

Research has shown that 

over a long period of usage, the 

brain responds to the abovenormal 

levels of dopamine that 

are present during a hit. The 

main manifestation is a reduction 

in the number of dopamine 

receptors on the dendrites of 

neurons; if there are fewer 

receptors, then there will be 

less stimulation of the nerves in 

the DA pathway. This demonstrates 

how the brain of an 

addict is physically different 

from that of a normal person. 

Thus, an addict will respond 

differently to a particular 

dosage of cocaine, and it is then 

that tolerance, wherein a larger 

dosage is needed to attain the 

same high that a user initially 

experienced, develops. 

The addict's altered physiological 

state of the brain results 

in events that previously caused 

stimulation of the DA pathway 

(pleasurable experiences other 

than cocaine use) no longer 

doing so; only cocaine can 

induce the feeling of happiness. 

Tests in lab animals have 

shown that levels of corticotrophin 

releasing factor 

(CRF), which induces stress, 

rise while in withdrawal. 

Rehabilitation is a slow, willfully-mediated 

process, which 

relies heavily on the addict's 

own self-control. With over 

fifty percent of users relapsing 

on completion of their first programme 

of treatment, I wish 

Miss Moss the very best at the 

Priory and hope she will return 

her uniquely enigmatic allure to 

our billboards in the near 

future.

DOCTORS are notoriously bad 

at maintaining their own health. 

It is only in recent years that the 

level of problems such as alcoholism 

and psychiatric disease 

has come to light. 

It is not unreasonable to 

think that trainee doctors may 

suffer from the same problems. 

Medical school is a tumultuous 

time for everyone, but an overwhelmingly 

happy experience 

for most.That is not to say that 

the fun never stops, we are here 

to become doctors and do at 

least some work. The natural 

stresses and strains of long 

hours on the wards, cramming 

for exams and often loneliness 

can get anybody down. If you 

bear this in mind as you embark 

upon medical school, you will 

be aware of the warning signs 

that could indicate a period of 

depression. You will also be 

more attuned to changes in 

friends' behaviour. If a mate 


White coat depression 

Don’t suffer in silence - 

talk to someone 


Photograph: Ravi Poorun 

Rohin Francis 


socialises less and less, don't 

ignore him or her - go and talk 

to them to see what's up. 

Medical students are at a 

higher chance of depression in 

comparison to other students. A 

recent survey from the 

University of California, San 

Francisco, found that a surprising 

25% of medical students 

were depressed. It is important 

to emphasise that levels of 

depression amongst freshers is 

similar in medics and nonmedics, 

but mood declines disproportionately 

amongst those 

studying medicine. Figures 

from Harvard suggest that up to 

75% of fourth-year medical students 

there have taken some 

form of psychiatric medication. 

So what is it about medical 

school that dampens one's spirits? 

Harvard psychiatrist Laurie 

Raymond suggests that it is a 

uni-dimensional phenomenon, 

"students go into a very narrow 

tunnel. A lot of the depression 

we see halfway through the first 

year - it's a reaction to having 

constricted themselves to 

studying these subjects in a 

very intense way." Medical students 

also incorrectly dismiss 

signs of depression as a normal 

emotional response to stress 

and do not take time for themselves 

in between studying. 

Medical school presents a 

series of challenges - coping 

with chronic disease, death, disability 

or watching friends fall 

by the wayside. 

Some students worry they 

will become emotionally 

detached as they experience the 

cold clinical environment of a 

hospital. Other stresses include 

living away from home for the 

first time, financial worries, 

being mediocre if one is used to 

being exceptional, disillusionment 

and of course the pressures 

of studying and the competitive 

nature of medschool. 

Depression can also be 

missed as a diagnosis in 

medics. A typical depression 

screening question is asking 

about sleep - but lack of sleep is 

almost universal across the 

board in medical school, irrespective 

of mood. However, 

more often than not, it is a sense 

of denial that prevents a medical 

student, or a doctor, seeking 

help. Healthcare professionals 

can paradoxically feel 

guilty or weak if they need 

medication for depression. 

There is still a stigma attached 

to all psychiatric conditions, 

even in the medical community. 

Residency directors in 

America stated they would be 

less likely to ask a hypothetical 

candidate to interview if they 

knew he or she had a history of 

psychological therapy, sadly 

giving some credence to the 

belief that admitting to depression 

will harm your career. 

If you have been feeling low, 

please do not hesitate in getting 

in touch with someone who can 

help. Talk to friends and family 

or if you would rather speak to 

someone else, all the London 

medical schools have counsellors. 

A sympathetic member of 

staff will also be able to point 

you in the right direction. Make 

the cliché a reality and ensure 

these are the best years of your 

life. Chin up. 

Drop dead gorgeous? 

Joanne Ooi 


REMEMBER this scene in 

Fight Club where Brad Pitt salvages 

industrial-sized plastic 

bags full of glistening pink goo 

from a liposuction clinic to 

make designer soap? 

While you will agree that 

selling rich women their own 

portly posteriors back to them 

(at US$20 a bar!) scores a high 

gross-out factor, it is really 

meant to be a moralistic, albeit 

perverse, judgment on the 

image-driven mainstream that 

Brad's character in the film so 

despises. 

But that movie is so 1999. 

With the 00s - the decade of 

safer, more affordable cosmetic 

surgery - well underway, popping 

out during lunch for a 

quick fix of forehead paralysis 

has become as innocuous and 

as routine a beauty ritual as getting 

a Brazilian wax or a French 

manicure. 

So then, what are we expected 

to make of reports of a cosmetics 

company in China harvesting 

skin from the corpses of 

executed convicts to develop 

beauty products for export? 

Even as society shamelessly 

embraces artificial aesthetics 

and sheds its misgivings about 

going under the knife for reasons 

medically unnecessary, 

surely the very idea of using 

people parts in cosmetics 

should still be enough to make 

anyone gag. How is it possible 

for anyone to justify a practice 

quite so barbaric? 

“Clearly, ending up in a 

glass vial on the shelves 

of a cosmetic surgery 

clinic waiting to be part 

of another person's face 

isn't so very infinitesimal 

a possibility.” 

In an exclusive scoop for The 

Guardian [13 Sept 2005], this 

horrible truth was revealed 

when journalists Ian Cobain 

and Adam Luck conducted an 

undercover investigation into 

the pedigree of collagen used 

for lip and wrinkle treatments. 

This report came on the heels of 

an official inquiry commissioned 

by the UK Department 

of Health into the need for new 

laws controlling the cosmetic 

surgery industry here. 

The DoH has good reason to 

be concerned. The cosmic pro- 

liferation of cosmetic operations 

is such that estimates put 

the number of injections or 

implants administered in the 

UK at a whopping 150, 000 per 

annum. Collagen treatments 

are, after Botox, the second 

most requested cosmetic procedure. 

As of 2004, the British 

market had been valued at more 

than £250m. The introduction 

of such substances of dubious 

origin to the market would definitely 

raise public alarm 

regarding infective risk, especially 

that of blood-borne viruses 

and vCJD (the human variant 

of BSE). Back to the earlier 

question: a Guardian researcher 

posing as a Hong Kong entrepreneur 

was reassured by an 

agent of said firm that such a 

use for condemned prisoners is 

a "traditional" one, and not a 

matter for "Western countries 

[to…] make such a big fuss 

about". The agent also mentioned 

that overseas clients 

were "quite surprised that 

China can manufacture the 

same human collagen for less 

than 5% of what it costs in the 

West." Exchanges with the firm 

later indicated that a similar 

line manufactured from aborted 

foetuses is in the pipeline. 

It could be argued that the 

company's mercenary noncha- 

lance is almost understandable, 

coming from an industry that 

puts cow brains and cod sperm 

into lipstick…no, hang on, 

using the remains of dead peo- 

“Exchanges with the 

firm later indicated that 

a similar line manufactured 

from aborted foetuses 

is in the pipeline.” 

ple to pretty up the living is still 

ugly, no matter how you look 

at it. It surely takes the 

term 'human 

resources' to a 

whole new level. 

And does China 

have ample resources 

at her disposal? It doesn't 

take much to become a 

convict there. The usual 

run of murderers and 

drug dealers aside, political 

and religious dissidents 

can be, and often 

are, locked up for peacefully 

expressing their 

views in public. And, 

unfortunately for 

those who find themselves 

on the wrong 

side of Chinese law, 

they may not live to repent their 

sins. 

It is known that the company 

in question (unnamed for 

legal reasons) has previously 

exported collagen products to 

the UK, the US and several 

European countries. While The 

Guardian failed to ascertain if 

this particular range of humanderived 

"aesthetic fillers" has 

already left the R&D lab for the 

mass market, the reporters gathered 

from their telephoneconver- 

sations that 

the death penalty remains in 

9 

extensive use. According to the 

Italian-based anti-capital punishment 

group Hands Off Cain 

(www.handsoffcain.org), China 

is by far the world's top executioner, 

accounting for at least 

5,000 (91.3%) of the 5,476 registered 

executions that took 

place worldwide in 2004, with 

the most common means being 

the firing squad. As with all 

official statistics, the actual figures 

are believed to be much 

higher. 

Clearly, ending up in a 

glass vial on the shelves 

of a cosmetic surgery clinic 

waiting to be 

part of 

another 

p e r - 

son's 

face 

isn't so 

v e r y 

infinitesimal 

a possibility. 

Likewise, 

neither is the 

possibility of 

being that other 

person whose 

quest for 

Angelina Jolie 

lips is about to be fulfilled 

with distillate of Dead Convict. 

Soylent Green, anyone?

10 


Only human 

Simon Lammy 

ULU MSO 

THE general public often perceives 

medicine to be an 

extremely challenging course 

that demands exceptional standards 

of dedication from even 

the most outstanding student. 

This assessment has perhaps 

created an ignorance and prejudice 

amongst the populace 

regarding the place of people 

with disabilities - that may be 

considered detrimental to future 

career success in various fields 

- in medical school. 

But is it justifiable to entertain 

such doubt over the capability 

of dyslexic candidates to 

flourish in an environment that 

is comprehensively academic, 

considering that written examinations 

- despite the strong 

practical emphasis during clinical 

and postgraduate training - 

may remain a major hurdle 

throughout a career in medicine? 

Opponents of recent flourishes 

of equality of access to 

medicine may argue that a doctor 

should encompass 'the complete 

package' - in other words, 

be the best mentally, physically 

and spiritually - and that any 

aspect of an individual that tarnishes 

this ideal, no matter how 

slightly, may lie in wait to present 

as a major complication 

later on in one's career. 

Some may argue further that 

human imperfection is damaging 

to the healthcare system, 

and will continue to be so as the 

inexorable struggle for 'adequate' 

access to medicine continues. 

It has been said that 

society no longer possesses the 

moral fibre to boldly distinguish 

and openly name and 

shame people and systems that, 

once upon a time (particularly 

during the golden era of the 

British Empire) were considered 

failures. 

Extremists may also claim 

that because economic thought 

is lavishly spent rescuing the 

drowned - and not the drowning, 

nor the boat - eventually 

the drowning will drown and 

the boat will plummet to the 

seabed, prompting the remaining 

few to jump ship; in today's 

terms, this is the infamous 

'brain drain'. 

These opinions sound cruel 

because, quite simply, they are. 

Many famous and successful 

figures are dyslexics, including 

Thomas Edison, Whoopi 

Goldberg, Winston Churchill, 

Albert Einstein, Harvey 

Cushing, Richard Branson and 

Peter Stringfellow. Today 

dyslexics are fully integrated 

into society; but not too long 

ago, such people experienced 

severe prejudice and backward 

reactions. 

Therefore my question is 

this: given the high level of 

achievement reached by 

dyslexics in medicine today, 

will other conditions also prove 

not to be a hindrance in the pro- 


Dyslexia was once thought of as a debilitating imperfection, 

putting affected students at a direct disadvantage. But today, 

a greater understanding of the condition has led to a rethink 

by society at large. Comment by Simon Lammy 

Successful dyslexics (clockwise from top left): Whoopi 

Goldberg, Richard Branson, Albert Einstein and 

Orlando Bloom 

fession in the future? Would 

you accept someone who is 

almost completely deaf, blind 

or dumb, or with a motor dysfunction, 

to study medicine? 

More philosophical medical 

students may argue that most 

people will answer yes; that 

they believe that the disability 

itself does not prevent people 

from pursuing successful 

careers, but that the failure of 

society to effect scientific 

advances that adapt the environment 

to the disability, and 

indeed society's enthusiasm to 

see such a change, has provided 

the catastrophic barrier to 

progress. 

Just imagine what Helen 

Keller would have made of the 

technology now available to 

blind and deaf people that 

enables them to communicate 

directly, and independently, 

with anybody in the world. 

What do you think?



Graduate woe as student loans scrapped 

Zoe Spyvee 

Staff Writer 

GRADUATE students embarking 

on five-year MBBS courses 

will be compelled to pay 

£12,000 'up front' in line with a 

new government policy. 

The Department for 

Education and Skills plan to 

make graduates ineligible to 

apply for a student loan to 

cover their fees. 

This latest development 

means students undertaking a 

second undergraduate degree 

will not be able to suspend their 

debts until after graduation. 

Those students starting fiveyear 

courses will be hardest hit 

facing a £3,000 bill each year. 

Graduates on five-year 

courses receive Department of 

Health assistance during their 

final year only. Whereas a typical 

London student on an accelerated 

four-year course receives 

an NHS bursary of approximately 

£4,500 for years two, 

three and four. 

The Department of Health 

also pays the fees during the 

last three years of study. Thus 

students on a four-year course 

will be faced with a ?3,000 bill 

at the start of their first year 

only. In contrast, those on a 

five-year course would pay 

£3,000 annually, their final year 

excepted. Undergraduate counterparts 

can defer payment of 

fees until after graduation. 

Current graduates are dismayed 

at the recent decision. 

Elisabeth Paul a final year St 

George's student on the four 

year course, said "it was a move 

towards the Americanisation of 

the medical training system". 

Admissions tutors are also 

disturbed by the policy and are 

alerting graduate students to the 

financial implications of 

enrolling on full five-year 

courses instead of graduate-orientated 

programs. 

BMA MSC Chair Kirsty 

Lloyd added "There is a real 

concern regarding the disparity 

of funding available to different 

groups of medical students on 

different courses. For example, 

that graduates on 4- and 5-year 

courses are treated differently. 

Up front fees will deter graduate 

students from entering medicine 

on 5 year courses. I can't 

see how that will not be the 

case. I know I wouldn't be able 

to study medicine if I had to 

find an additional £1850 a year 

for fees on top of the £1150 that 

A Tale Of Two Hospitals 

Douglas Fink 


DESPITE an apparently successful 

transition from the 

Middlesex Hospital to the new 

University College Hospital 

(UCH), serious teething problems 

beleaguer the £420m 

'super-hospital'. 

A paucity of office and 

teaching space, impractical 

design, and idle equipment are 

typical of the negative impressions 

that Medical Student has 

gathered from staff, students 

and patients. 

The new hospital replaces 

both the historic Middlesex 

hospital, founded in 1745, and 

the previous incarnation of 

UCH, whose old site borders 

the new hospital. It officially 

started accepting patients into 

selected units in June. 

However, the last month has 

seen the final transfer of all 

inpatient and outpatient services 

to the new hospital. 

The distinctive UCH building 

on the Euston Road is one 

of the NHS's biggest Private 

Finance Initiatives. The 18floor 

teaching hospital has 700 

beds and boasts one of Europe's 

biggest intensive care units. 

Even the completion of the 

monolithic new hospital, both 

on time and in a prominent central 

London location, represents 

a considerable achievement for 

the UCLH Trust. In living 

memory, both St George's 

Hospital, Hyde park to Tooting, 

and Charing Cross Hospital, 

Charing Cross to Fulham, have 

been forced from prime central 

locations in deference to space 

and cost. 

The well-received Slade Art 

Programme and engaging interior 

aesthetics have successfully 

introduced some character 

and atmosphere into the hospital's 

sanitised spearmint foundations. 

This despite controversy 

surrounding the investment 

of £70,000 in a giant light-bulbcontaining 

pebble (aka 

'Monolith and Shadow') that 

An aspect of the striking new interior of UCH 

graces the Euston road steps of 

the hospital. 

But despite the strategic success 

and attractive gloss, significant 

problems have been identified. 

The truth is that the hospital 

is not finished. Tools, materials 

and their debris occupy several 

corridors, obstructing access in 

some cases. But the Trust has 

assured the Medical Student 

that these are short-term inconveniences. 

However, Professor Gordon 

Stewart, honorary consultant at 

UCH, expressed concern at the 

underused imaging suites. Due 

to problems with establishing a 

cleaning protocol, a series of 

brand new endoscopes linger in 

storage. While staffing problems 

mean that millions of 

pounds worth of CT and MRI 

scanners remain dormant and 

gathering dust. 

The limited access to 

Accident and Emergency 

(A&E) from the busy Gower 

Street, off an abrupt turn from 

Euston road, for ambulances 

and patients alike is another 

apparent lapse. However, the 

UCLH Trust has received 

approval from Transport for 

London for the construction of 

a lay-by at the front of the 

Hospital on the Euston Road. 

This lay-by would be for nonemergency 

ambulances and 

patient transport. It will also be 

available as a drop of point for 

patients by prior arrangement. 

A more serious point of contention 

is found inside A&E. 

Staff are quick to draw attention 

to the cell-like design of the 

psychiatric consulting rooms: 

stark, dark and antiseptic. To 

we currently pay. " 

The knock-on effect of this 

decision is likely to be a huge 

increase in competition for 

graduate medicine places. This 

will be coupled with an 

increase drop out rate for graduates 

on five-year courses as 

they fail to meet the annual 

payments of £3,000. 

Graduate students are often 

in considerable debt from their 

first degree. Another student at 

St George's who wished to 

remain anonymous said, "I had 

£10,000 of debt before starting 

the course and have amassed a 

further ?20,000 in three years". 

Most graduate students will 

be left with no choice but to 

apply for four -year courses. 

This will only serve to widen 

the existing divide between 

undergraduate and graduate 

courses. 

make matters worse, alarm buttons, 

in case of serious threat or 

assault, are located, in some 

cases, away from the exit, on 

the opposite side of the room. 

When this matter was raised 

with the Trust, they explained 

that the cubicles were built to 

comply with NHS guidelines. 

In addition to the wall-mounted 

systems, the Trust has introduced 

a new Pinpoint system of 

security in A&E. This means 

that A&E staff carry a personal 

alarm at all times, which directly 

alerts security to trouble and 

accurately locates the problem. 

From a more education-orientated 

perspective, a chorus of 

medical students and consultants 

bemoan the absence of a 

lecture theatre and minimal 

seminar room space. 

Secure storage of belongings 

preys on student's minds also: 

"there are no lockers on site for 

clinical students, so we end up 

traipsing our bags around the 

wards" commented Florence 

Newton, a first year clinical student 

at UCH. 

Another recurring complaint 

is the simple matter of admittance. 

Almost every ward 

requires a swipe card or fob for 

entry: items denied to the clinical 

students. The Trust endorses 

a policy whereby only permanent 

staff, on 6 month placements 

or longer, receive automatic 

access to clinical areas. 

Clearly motivated by security 

consciousness, it transpires 

that access to staff rooms, certain 

toilets and connecting 

doors within wards is also 

restricted in this way. Students 

may be left stranded behind 

doors relying on the grace of 

passing staff members to gain 

entry. 

The opening of a new 

"super-hospital" is not a common 

occurrence. And it is certainly 

unreasonable to expect a 

total absence of oversights or 

ill-conceptions as part of such 

an undertaking. 

Robert Naylor, Chief 

Executive of the UCLH Trust, 

agreed: "Of course there are 

always teething problems when 

moving into a major new development 

but these should be 

seen in the context of the fact 

that we have just opened the 

largest and most sophisticated 

11 

One of the corridors awaiting completion at the new 

University College Hospital (UCH) 

new teaching hospital to be 

built in the UK." 

The Trust seems solicitous. 

It also accepts that solutions to 

some access and storage problems 

may need refining. But 

there is no denying the attraction 

of the new hospital. Mr 

Naylor described the demand to 

train at UCH: "medical students 

are so keen to continue their 

training here, that we recently 

had 550 applications for just six 

junior doctor positions."



Monopoly is the greatest game of 

all time, of that there is no doubt. 

But have you ever sat down and 

thought “Hmm....this game is good 

but it needs more taking the piss 

out of medical schools to make it 

perfect.....” If that’s the case then 

welcome to Medicopoly! 

Be good and don’t steal: to get your 

own personalised Monopoly board 

made to measure, visit 

http://uk.mymonopoly.com 

By: 

Ravi Poorun 


Rohin Francis 

Ferras Alwan 

Emma-Jane Smith 

George's: 

Playing piece - can of mace. 

The George's student would 

easily outrun the other competitors, 

had he not been 

stabbed in the leg whilst walking 

through Tooting yesterday. 

As the only independent medical 

school left in the country, 

the George's student is fiercely 

proud of his medical school 

although normally too pissed to 

remember exactly where it is. 

Bart's: 

Playing piece - novelty bong. 

The Bart's student parks up his 

blacked-out souped-up Nissan 

100NX, yanks out his stash 

from beneath the steering column 

and grabs his skull-shaped 

bong before stealing the 

Medicopoly Board and flogging 

it for a pony down 

Whitechapel Market. He can 

bust you a Get Out Of Jail Free 

card if ya naa waa mean? 

GKT: 

Playing piece - designer sideburn-trimmers. 

The GKT student arrives at the 

game late, as he was too busy 

individually styling each hair 

on his head, dressing entirely 

in black and applying Cool 

Water all over his body. The 

Imperial student looks closely 

at his sideburns and remarks 

that they look like the ECG 

pattern of right bundle branch 

block. The George's student 

and the Bart's student punch 

the Imperial student. 

Morley von Sternberg 

ICSM: 

Piece - Vest. 


The Imperial student is having 

trouble controlling himself. He 

has spotted a girl watching the 

Medicopoly game. "A female 

of the homo sapiens species!" 

he thinks to himself excitedly. 

He makes sure his side parting 

is exactly perpendicular to the 

ophthalmic branch of his 

trigeminal nerve before 

approaching her and subsequently 

chickening out. He 

curries favour with the other 

students by calculating the 

optimum trajectory at which to 

punch the RUMS student. 

Ravi Poorun 

RUMS: 

Piece - UCL-branded scarf. 

The RUMS student skips gaily 

in the Medicopoly arena, scarf 

fluttering in the wind. The first 

thing he does is correct his 

name on the scoreboard from 

'RUMS student' to 'UCL student'. 

He tells others he studies 

English Lit and that he summers 

in Montevideo. All the 

other students punch him. 

Repeatedly.



13



It’s all academic really.... 

Welcome to ICRAM, your first step 

towards a rewarding career in academic 

medicine! 

Syed Rehman 

WHEN you mutter the words 

'Academic Medicine', the reaction 

from students is usually 

either what is that? or BO- 

RING! Academic medicine has 

been in crisis for a while but as 

we are currently going through 

a renaissance in medicine, academic 

medicine is making a 

long-awaited comeback. 

So before we go any further, 

why don't we define academic 

medicine? The classic definition 

of a medical academic is of 

a doctor who practises clinical 

medicine, teaches students and 

is active in research. 

Problems initially arose in 

academic medicine due to the 

fact that there was never a clear 

career path into it, so young 

Tom Yates 

"THE streets were piled with 

the reddish-brown corpses of 

those who were killed instantly 

as they walked along. It was 

painful to walk by them. I tried 

to walk steadily, but my legs 

trembled...I saw one corpse 

with burning fingers. Her hand 

was raised and her fingers were 

on fire, blue flames burning 

them down to stumps." 

Hiroshima survivor 

The British nuclear programme 

has been based near 

Helensburgh on the west coast 

of Scotland since its inception 

in 1968. The current Trident 

programme arrived there in 

1992 amidst a storm of protest. 

Today that spirit of protest is 

alive and well. On the 4th of 

July this year, around 2000 people, 

including MPs, vicars and a 

Med Student hack peacefully 

blockaded the Faslane naval 

base which services Britain's 

four nuclear submarines. 

Today, Trident is back in the 

papers again because Britain is 

faced with a choice about its 

nuclear future. 

enthusiastic doctors who wanted 

to pursue it had to fight 

against the odds. Not surprisingly, 

academic medicine is 

failing to meet capacity 

demands. For example, 10-20% 

of medical academic posts in 

the UK were vacant in 2001 1 . 

Furthermore, there is gender 

inequality in academic medicine. 

For example, 11% of full 

professors in the US are 

female 2 . This is particularly 

significant in light of the feminisation 

of the medical profession. 

In addition, research is 

carried out where there is 

money, although the burden of 

disease is mostly carried by 

poor developing countries. 

Finally, the brain drain caused 

by doctors migrating from the 

developing world to developed 

countries reduces the potential 

of poor countries to successfully 

engage in academic medicine 

5. 

In 2003, the BMJ, Lancet 

At least one of Britain's four 

nuclear submarines is constantly 

on patrol, with its lethal 

cargo, sometimes ready to fire 

at as little as 30 minutes' notice. 

Were this to happen, the results 

would be devastating. Medact, 

a UK-based group of health 

professionals, estimate that the 

use of a typical modern hydrogen 

bomb would cause between 

750,000 and 8 million deaths. 

The government has just 

opened a debate about whether 

to replace Trident in 2024. The 

decision will be taken during 

this parliament. Medact estimates 

that replacement would 

cost at least £15bn. When one 

factors in indirect costs, the 

Trident programme costs up to 

£1.5bn per annum to maintain. 

To put this into context, the 

US$3.7bn pledged by donors at 

the Global Fund for HIV, TB 

and Malaria conference in 

London at the start of 

September will be just enough 

to sustain their health programmes 

at current levels of 

activity. No new programmes 

can be initiated in 2006 or 2007 

unless further funds are made 

available. 

I spoke to Carol Naughton, 

and 40 other partners launched 

the International Campaign to 

Revitalise Academic Medicine 

(ICRAM) in order to address 

this problem 3 . ICRAM's student 

representatives had their 

first meeting in 2004 to debate 

the future of academic medicine. 

Of all the issues discussed, 

the most relevant issue 

to medical students was the 

lack of awareness amongst our 

peers. If asked to consider 

career options after graduation, 

most medical students would 

probably choose general practice, 

hospital medicine or surgery. 

What about academic 

medicine? How can we tackle 

this crisis if the potential practitioners 

of academic medicine 

are not fully aware of its existence 

or purpose? 

This is where the ICRAM 

London Students’ Group steps 

in. Our aim is to increase the 

awareness of the importance of 

academic medicine to our 

future as doctors among medical 

students in London. A distinguished 

guest lecture series 

has already been set up with the 

first talk scheduled on October 

25th. (see right) We’re also 

coordinator of the WMD 

Awareness Programme, a NGO 

coalition campaigning for 

greater transparency and 

accountability over weapons of 

mass destruction. She told me 

that replacing Trident would, in 

her opinion, place Britain in 

breach of the Nuclear Non- 

Proliferation Treaty. She continued, 

"What are the threats to 

Britain to which nuclear 

weapons offer a credible 

response? How much would a 

Trident replacement cost, and 

would the money be better 

spent on other priorities? In the 

past decisions on British 

nuclear weapons were taken in 

secret with no parliamentary 

debate. With our security and 

international credibility at 

stake, such an important decision 

demands that there be 

proper public and parliamentary 

debate on the future of 

British nuclear weapons policy." 

To my mind, the continued 

existence of a British nuclear 

programme is extraordinary. 

Mutually assured destruction, 

the justification cited before the 

fall of the Berlin wall, did not 

prevent the latter half of the 

twentieth century from being 

looking to liaise with the 

London Deanery to give students 

more awareness and 

information regarding the new 

integrated Academic foundation 

programmes. Next August 

will be a first, when certain 

house officers not only contribute 

to patient care but also 

medical research and teaching 

of medical students. Finally, we 

hope to create an intellectual 

community of free thinkers 

who not only know how to have 

a good time (which all London 

medical students do) but can 

think critically about the latest 

issues in medicine. It is hoped 

that such activities will increase 

awareness for academic medicine 

amongst medical students. 

Since it is clear that academic 

medicine plays such a vital 

role in global health, surely it 

can be added to the list of worthy 

causes that are being campaigned 

for by today's wristband-wearing 

public? If you’re 

a medical student who would 

like to contribute to a better 

vision for academic medicine, 

feel free join ICRAM and make 

their voice heard! 

For further info please contact: 

very violent. With the end of 

the Cold War, it is hard to see 

how Trident keeps us any safer. 

Its decommissioning would 

send a very positive signal to 

the remaining nuclear powers 

and could only accelerate global 

progress towards disarmament 

and a safer world. It 

would also free up significant 

sums of money which, with 

poverty alleviation rising up the 

political agenda, could be 

spent in more productive ways. 

Syed Rehman 

Imperial College London 

ICRAM Imperial College Rep 

syed.rehman@imperial.ac.uk 

or 

Shivan Sivakumar 

Barts and the London 

ICRAM London Students’ 

Group Chair 

ha02167@qmul.ac.uk 

GUEST LECTURE SERIES 

Topics in Medical Science 

Title: 

Stem Cells in Medical Research 

Speaker: 

Professor Malcolm Alison, 

international expert on 

stem cells and cancer 

Venue: 

John Ellis Lecture Theatre, 

Royal London Hospital 

Date: 25 October 2005 (Tues) 

Time: 6pm 

Everyone is free to attend and 

there will be food afterwards! 

More details to be forwarded to 

medical schools soon. 

REFERENCES 

If you want to engage in this 

debate, you can contact your 

MP for free at www.writetothem.com. 

More information 

about Trident can be found at… 

International Physicians 

for the Prevention of 

Nuclear War 

www.ippnw.org 

WMD Awareness Programme 

www.comeclean.org.uk 

Trident Ploughshares 

www.tridentploughshares.org 

“ What are the threats to Britain to which nuclear 

weapons offer a credible response? 

” 

Protestors at Faslane Naval Base in July 2005 

1. Council of Heads of Medical 

Schools. A survey of clinical 

academic staffing levels in UK 

medical and dental schools. 

London: CHMS, 2001. 

www.chms.ac.uk/chms.pdf (14 

Sep 2004). Cited in Academic 

medicine the evidence base-- 

International Working Party to 

Promote and Revitalise Academic 

Medicine 329 (7469) 789 - 

BMJ. Website. http://bmj. 

bmjjournals.com/cgi/content/ 

full/329/7469/789 

(12 Aug 2005) 

2. Danic A, Hadzibegovic I, 

Loparic M. Status of women in 

small academic medical communities: 

case study of the 

Zagreb University School of 

Medicine. Croat Med J 

2003;44: 32-5. Cited in Academic 

medicine the evidence 

base--International Working 

Party to Promote and Revitalise 

Academic Medicine 329 (7469) 

789 - BMJ. Website. http://bmj. 

bmjjournals.com/cgi/content/fu 

ll/329/7469/789. (12 Aug 2005) 

3. bmj.com - International campaign 

to revitalise academic 

medicine. Website. 

http://bmj.bmjjournals.com/aca 

demicmedicine(12 Aug 2005) 

Is it time to scrap Trident? 

CORRECTION: In my last article, 

'Health in Iraq', there were 

some problems with paragraph 

five. Sorry. The 223,000 living 

with a chronic health problem 

directly caused by war includes 

survivors of the Iran-Iraq war 

and the first Gulf War. 

Furthermore, it was not appropriate 

to use the 3:1 ratio in this 

context as this refers to military 

casualties and includes acute 

injuries. This does not invalidate 

my conclusion. I was not aware 

at the time that the ILCS contained 

its own estimate of mortality 

directly caused by the war - 

double the government's figure. 

There is clearly still an urgent 

need for an adequate estimate of 

mortality caused both directly 

and indirectly by the war. (T.Y.)



An African Adventure 

What did you do this summer? 

Watch daytime TV? Get pissed? 

Sleep? How about putting your 

knowledge to use and improving 

the lives of a whole village? 

Stephanie Wilmore 

UCL Medsin 

Co-President 

THIS summer I spent six lifechanging 

weeks in Sub-Saharan 

Africa as a volunteer for a registered 

charity I found through 

the International Federation of 

Medical Students Association 

(IFMSA) website. The 

research I did for my dissertation 

on "The role of Insecticide 

Treated Bednets (ITNs) in the 

Fight against Malaria" motivated 

me to go and see how a project 

to increase ITN use in a 

rural community functioned. I 

had never visited a developing 

country and the culture shock 

was stupefying. 

I flew from London to 

Nairobi where I joined my 

Swahili speaking Kenyan 

friend who also studied 

International Health. The 

advantages of being accompanied 

by her were to prove 

invaluable as I was often the 

only Mzungu (white person) 

and I did not speak Swahili - the 

phrasebook I had purchased in 

London was certainly useful 

but very limited when trying to 

communicate ideas and 

exchange information! We left 

the comfort of my friend's 

home in Nairobi and entered 

another world when we took a 

fourteen hour bus ride crossing 

the border into Tanzania in the 

pitch dark. I was the only white 

person on the bus which 

stopped in the middle of 

nowhere and everyone had to 

get out and cross into Tanzania 

on foot. The bus just turned 

around and disappeared. After 

walking for five minutes we 

arrived at a dimly lit, ram 

shackled office where I had to 

negotiate purchasing a visa. 

People were queuing and shoving 

and trying to sell me shoes, 

pens and dolls while I was 

nervously asking for my money 

and passport to be returned 

from some very unprofessionallooking 

officials. Eventually 

everything was sorted out and 

we boarded the bus. We found 

the driver sound asleep on a 

mattress squeezed between the 

seats on the bus floor, where he 

slept soundly for the next three 

hours. This was my first experience 

in the great African art of 

"hanging-out". 

Our destination was a rural 

village near Lake Victoria a few 

miles from President Nyerere's 

birthplace. The office for the 

NGO was in the centre of the 

village, and was privileged to 

have electricity; this provided 

power to a donated computer, a 

fixed phone, a mobile phone 

charger and a dim strip-light. 

Theoretically this office was 

staffed by a Project 

Coordinator, a Treasurer, a 

Chairman and Spokesman, two 

Guardians, a Secretary and an 

Assistant Secretary, all experienced 

experts in the art of 

"hanging-out". We were 

housed in the family home of 

the Project Coordinator which 

he shared with his companion 

who cooked our meals, and a 

dozen children of all ages. My 

friend and I had a room each 

furnished with a bed and an 

ITN. The children fetched the 

water and we were given a couple 

of litres in a plastic bucket 

every day for our ablutions. 

The toilet was a hole in the concrete 

floor and a plastic container 

filled with used water, a 

floating laurel leaf and an old 

Vaseline tub was at out disposal 

for flushing purposes. The 

walls in the house stopped short 

of the ceiling so a good night 

sleep was rare. We were woken 

around 5.30 am either by radio 

Swahili or the cockerel so my 

wax earplugs were very useful. 

We were received with warmth 

and kindness by our host family, 

the NGO members and their 

friends who were very curious 

to know where we had come 

from and why. When asked 

which tribe I belonged to I just 

replied "Masai" which made 

them laugh. 

The day after we arrived, a 

team from the WHO and the 

Tanzanian Government came to 

carry out a survey on the use of 

ITNs throughout Tanzania. 

They invited me to accompany 

them on their house-to-house 

survey collecting data on 

Malaria Incidence, Intermittent 

Preventative Treatment (IPT) 

for pregnant women and ITN 

use and tracking the progress of 

the Roll Back Malaria campaign. 

ITNs are the simplest, 

most efficient and cost-effective 

measure for preventing 

malaria. They reduce exposure 

to malaria vectors by providing 

a barrier against the anopheles 

mosquito whose biting habits 

peak late at night and by killing 

the insects with a negligible 

health risk to humans. ITNs 

give a protection not only to the 

individual but also to the community 

by decreasing the overall 

number of infected mosquitoes. 

Everyone is aware of the 

important role played by ITNs 

but the prices at the village 

chemists and health centre are 

unaffordable to most people. 

My project is to bulk-buy ITNs 

from the factory in Arusha, 

Tanzania at the UNICEF price 

and to sell them at an affordable 

price. The difference is to be 

subsidised by the ongoing 

fundraising and sponsoring 

efforts of the projects' volunteers. 

My return to Britain was as 

big a culture shock as my 

arrival in Africa; all those white 

faces! London was in a state of 

shock after the terrorist bombings 

three days previously 

when I was in Zanzibar. The air 

was electric with suspicion and 

fear and I missed the easy going 

friendly atmosphere, the simplicity 

of life, the smells and 

sounds, and even the "hangingout" 

of the Africa I had left 

behind. 

I saw some of the beauty of 

Tanzania before leaving and 

spent two days on Safari at 

Lake Manyara and the 

Ngorongoro Crater where most 

of the wild animals gather to 

breed, feed and die. Sub- 

Saharan Africa is seriously 

afflicted by diseases which 

could be contained and prevented. 

My experience with this 

voluntary project to initiate 

accessibility of ITNs in a village 

in Tanzania was positive 

and enriching for everyone con- 

Top: The drama group 

perform an informative 

play for the community. 

Middle: Mosquito nets 

drying after being sprayed 

with insecticide. 

Bottom: Stephanie outside 

the office. 

cerned: the Village Health 

Worker, the local Drama Group 

who wrote a play on the use of 

ITNs, my fellow volunteers 

with whom I share unforgettable 

memories, the NGO members 

and the villagers and me. 

On the 3rd December Stephanie 

is participating in the World 

Swim for Malaria, a global 

fundraising event 

(www.worldswimformalaria.co 

m). If you're interested in taking 

part with the London swim or 

would like more information on 

doing volunteer work in 

Tanzania then email her at: 

stephaniewilmore@gmail.com 

15



“Dermatologists. If 

it's wet, keep it dry. 

If it's dry, keep it 

wet. If it's not supposed 

to be there, 

cut it off. I never 

could remember all 

that. ” 

- Dr Greg House 

Rohin Francis 


I CONFESS. I've sold out. Years 

of fighting the good fight have 

amounted to nought, as I lay down 

my anti-Bush sentiments and 

shout U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 

There is one overriding factor as to 

why I have been unable to cast 

America aside like the overgrown 

bastard son it is; television. No 

matter how much of a die-hard 

Blackadder and Red Dwarf fan I 

am, there is no doubt that in recent 

years American TV has pissed on 

the rest of the world from a great 

height. Kind of like everything 

else in life. However, amidst all 

the Yankee imports, there is one 

universal truth - the world loves 

doctors. 

No doubt many of you have 

been glued to J.J. Abram's latest 

offering, Lost. Who's the main 

character? That's right! It's a doctor! 

Who da man? Hippocrates da 

man! Jack personifies a character 

who has cropped up in many a US 

show, the hunky doctor. I like to 

think I'm one of these in training. 

It's something of a shame nobody 

else does. So seeing as we've 

established medicos are a special 

breed, we deserve our own programmes. 

With this is mind, 

Medical Student performs unnecessary 

laparoscopic investigations 

on Uncle Sam's latest medical 

offerings. 

House (occasionally referred to 

as House, M.D. to shoo-away 

those strange people 

who like home 

makeover shows) 

and Grey's Anatomy 

occupy opposite 

ends of televisual 

medicine. House 

markets itself as a 

"detective story, just 

set in a hospital. He 

solves medical 

conundrums in 

much the way a 

detective solves a 

crime." 'He' refers to 

the fantastic character 

that Hugh Laurie 

has brought to life; 

the obnoxious, antisocial, 

irascible and brilliant 

Gregory House. In short, everything 

I want to be. Another detective 

story, which is "just set in a 

hospital" is of course the medical 

student favourite, Diagnosis 

Murder. So from the get-go, 

House seems to be headed in the 

right direction. 

Grey's Anatomy, on the other 

hand, is a different bedpan of fish 

altogether. It is a sudsy, soppy, 

girlie soap of a drama (tagline: 

Operations. Relations. 

Complications.) The patients and 

stethoscopes are incidental props 

in between chats about dreamy 

surgeons and "oh-migod, being an 

intern is like, SO hard, you 

know?" But because I love you 

people, my READERS, I put my 

Y-chromosome away, wondered 

which top I should wear to catch 

my consultant's eye and watched 

Grey's Anatomy with some 

Haagen Dazs. 

House really is a one-man show. 

That is not to belittle Hugh 

Laurie's supporting cast (Dr House 

does enough of that himself), 

they're easy on the eye but bland. 

Neighbours stalwarts (i.e. all of 

you) will recognise Jesse Spencer 

(Billy Kennedy) who insists he is 

Australian despite House telling 

him "you put the Queen on your 

money. You're British." He makes 

up the team with Omar Epps and 

Jennifer Morrison. But House is 

the star. He's a git and you love 

him for it, because for every foot 

he steps on, he saves a patient's 

life. The fictional Princeton- 

Plainsboro Teaching 

Hospital seems to 

attract the most weird 

and wonderful medical 

conundrums, 

which can only be 

solved by the man 

who played Bertie 

Wooster. Naphthalene 

poisoning, acute intermittent 

porphyria, 

EBV-phenytoinepilepsy 

or tic-tac 

induced stroke (only 2 

calories). Now I don't 

know about you, but 

these things come into 

George's all the time. 

The team toss up the 

possibilities, write 

some stuff on a seethrough 

markerboard, 

run some tests and 

House eventually gets 

it right. What makes it so eminently 

watchable are House's glib oneliners. 

A bright orange patient 

comes in, but only complains of 

back pain: 

"Unfortunately, you have a 

deeper problem. Your wife is having 

an affair." "What?" replies the 

patient. "You're orange, you 

moron. It's one thing for you not to 

notice, but if your wife hasn't 

picked up on the fact that her husband 

has changed colours, she's 

just not paying attention." 

A pretty medical student is trying 

to present a history to House, 

who seems less than interested. 

"You're reading a comic book." 

House replies: "And you're drawing 

attention to your bosom by 

wearing a low-cut top…oh I'm 

sorry, I thought we were having a 

state-the-obvious contest. I'm 

competitive by nature." 

House's first season stayed 

fresh by introducing new cast 

members and not falling into the 

trend of diagnosis-of-the-month, 

but thankfully the total 

absence of House's personal 

life has meant the relationship-tripe 

that mars many a 

British show is avoided, similar 

to the way 

Grissom's geek 

has made CSI 

so fascinating. 

Grey's 

Clockwise 

from top left: 

The House 

Party; 

Katherine 

Heigl from 

Grey’s 

Anatomy; the 

Grey’s 

Anatomy cast 

Anatomy has, like House, 

been doing extremely well 

across the Pond, consistently 

getting higher ratings than 

Lost. Much of its success can 

be attributed to savvy producers 

who recognised a gap 

in the market, women. Grey's 

Anatomy revolves around 

Meredith Grey, a first year 

surgical intern played by 

Ellen Pompeo. In the opening 

episode, Meredith shags 

some sexy dude and like, he 

totally turns out to be her 

boss. I like horny hospitals 

and ridiculous romances but 

it is the dialogue that makes 

Grey's Anatomy unbearable. 

The plotlines are mindless 

fun, interns are humiliated by 

tyrannical attendings, 

syphilis epidemics are caused 

by surgical interns, doctors 

do nurses, surgeons shag 

physicians and interns enjoy 

residents. Hell Meredith even 

snogs a patient. All this 

makes Grey's Anatomy sound 

like the grown-up O.C., but 

try sitting through dialogue 

like this: 

"Your first shift starts now 

and lasts forty eight hours. 

You're interns, grunts, nobodies, 

bottom of the surgical 

food chain. Run labs, write 

orders, work every second of your 

life until you drop and don't complain." 

"If I hadn't taken the Hippocratic 

Oath I'd Kevorkian her with my 

bare hands" (talking about a 

patient) 

"I can't think of any one reason why 

I want to be a surgeon. But I can 

think of a thousand reasons why I 

should quit. There are lives in our 

hands. I could quit. But here's the 

thing. I love the playing field." (so 

you just thought of one reason then, 

you silly moo) 

"Did you let me scrub in for this 

operation because I slept with you?" 

(well...I did say that to my consultant 

just the other day) 

"This is a good day to save lives." 

"We're women! We have vaginas! 

Get used to it!" 

"You try eating after performing 17 

rectal exams" 

"The bad news is that we gave your 

penis to the cops." (okay, that one's 

funny) 

But what you're all dying to 

know is the answer to the ultimate 

question - can they be justified 

as studying? Strangely 

enough, I just sat written 

finals after having watched a 

helluva lotta medical TV and 

can honestly say one show 

has helped me more than any 

other. I ought to add that I'm 

probably not the best person to 

ask as in my head I justified 

watching the entire Ashes 

series before finals by 

the fact that 

they talked 

about Simon 

Jones' injury. 

For about a 

minute. 

Both shows 

It’s true, all 

St. George’s 

Hospital 

doctors look 

like this. 

have their howlers. A common 

theme in medical dramas is that one 

doctor does everything. House's 

team even visit dying patient's houses 

to look for clues. Grey's Anatomy 

spends so much time throwing 

“We’re women! We 

have vaginas! Get 

used to it! 

- Dr Isobel Stevens 

clichés and romance around, there is 

little medicine to speak of. But 

House has some interesting, if very 

rare, medicine. One sometimes 

wonders how non-medics can fully 

enjoy the show, as it has long 

exchanges about therapy, investigations 

and diagnoses, with little 

explanation. The science is generally 

sound, but occasionally they stray 

from the bizarre to the inane, like 

tattoos erupting in MRI machines 

due to metal in the ink. 

Both shows seem set to return for 

at least a few more seasons and 

whatever one's thoughts about them, 

they are good stuff for one important 

reason - programmes about 

doctors make doctors look cool. We 

all want to look cool. 

So what was that show I mentioned 

that helped me through finals 

more than any other? It's not ER and 

not House. To dismiss it is as simply 

a comedy is to sell it short. As long 

as the writers don't get too saccharine, 

it is an inspiring, thought-provoking, 

funny and thoroughly realistically-observed 

series. It is one of 

the best American TV shows to 

invade our fair shores and one you 

all know about already, the sublime 

Scrubs.



17

16 



New guidelines to help dyslexics 

Harnaik Bajwa 

BMA MSC Deputy 

Chair, Welfare 

OVER the past year the BMA 

Medical Students Committee 

has been working to raise the 

profile of medical students with 

disabilities, and increase the 

number of applicants of students 

with disabilities to medical 

school. 

The MSC has formed official 

guidelines for medical students 

with dyslexia who are currently 

studying medicine or are considering 

applying to medical 

school. The guidelines are 

available online at the following 

link on the BMA website: 

http://www.bma.org.uk/ap.nsf/ 

Content/dyslexiaforstudents. 

The guidelines were written 

after months of research into 

the area, and a common conclusion 

was that medical schools 

offered varied levels of support 

to students and there was not 

enough consistency of the level 

of welfare services provided to 

medical students with dyslexia. 

Medicine is a challenging 

subject that requires long term 

commitment and hard work. 

Applying to study medicine 

with dyslexia (or another learning 

disability) can be seen as a 

much bigger challenge, and the 

prospect of studying in a competitive 

field such as medicine 

can be daunting. 

There are many myths surrounding 

the issue of dyslexia - 

whether or not students can 

become doctors if they are 

dyslexic, what the arrangements 

would be at medical 

school, the worry of being sidelined 

for house jobs for disclosing 

a disability, not getting a 

good reference. 

Dyslexia is a specific learning 

disability that is characterised 

by difficulties with 

accurate and/or fluent word 

recognition and by poor 

spelling. Other complications 

can include problems in reading 

comprehension and handwriting, 

difficulty with sequences, 

poor organisation or time management, 

difficulty organising 

thoughts clearly and reading 

hesitantly, short-term memory, 

mathematics and concentration 

may also be affected. 

These problems are varied in 

different people and an assessment 

from an educational psychologist 

will determine the 

severity. They can present 

themselves in a variety of different 

ways and can be strong in 

some areas with no difficulties 

in other areas. Each individual 

tackles the problems in a different 

way that is suitable to them. 

Medicine provides many 

academic challenges and 

dyslexic medical students can 

feel the pressure more than nondyslexic 

students. Support services 

within universities can give 

advice on time management 

and organisation of work and in 

many cases there may be facilities 

to proof-read essays. You 

should also be able to have 

extra time for pre-clinical 

exams. 

There are benefits to being a 

dyslexic medical student. 

Dyslexic individuals are often 

innovative thinkers, excellent 

trouble shooters, intuitive problem 

solvers, creative, good at 

'hands-on learning' and lateral 

thinkers. Students can use these 

skills to their advantage and 

enhance their education 

throughout the course. Students 

with dyslexia are known to be 

much better at verbally communicating, 

which is an obvious 

advantage in a career orientated 

around effective communication 

with patients and colleagues. 

In clinical years much of the 

assessment of students is by 

hands-on examinations with 

patients and dyslexic students 

may find these aspects less of a 

challenge then their other student 

colleagues. 

Being in hospitals and undertaking 

the clinical exam element 

of the course may show 

the stronger side to dyslexic 

medical students' abilities. 

Currently neither the doctor's 

registering body, the General 

Medical Council nor the British 

Dyslexia Association recommend 

that extra time be given 

for dyslexic students in clinical 

exams. It is recommended that 

students in their clinical years 

make use of the support services 

within their medical school. 

If it is thought to help, students 

should also request to sit in a 

separate venue when undertaking 

clinical examinations. 

It is worth bearing in mind 

that universities fall under part 

4 of the Disability 

Discrimination Act 1995. This 

means that they are legally 

obliged to make reasonable 

adjustments to accommodate 

students with disabilities, and 

provides that students with disabilities, 

including dyslexia 

should not be treated less 

favourably without justification. 

Students with dyslexia can 

become very effective doctors 

and have much success at medical 

school. 

The message from the BMA 

Medical Students Committee is 

very clear: students who have 

dyslexia should not be deterred 

from studying medicine. More 

information from the MSC on 

this subject can be found gained 

by emailing the MSC. 

Charter to give students a fairer deal 

Ferras Alwan 

Editor-in-chief 

The BMA Medical Students' 

Committee and the Council 

Heads of Medical Schools 

(CHMS) have finally agreed on 

a joint Medical School Charter 

which could be implemented in 

some medical schools as early 

as this term. 

Producing the document has 

been an exhaustive process 

with a creation period spanning 

twelve months and necessitating 

numerous consultations 

between the BMA MSC and the 

CHMS. The result is a document 

both organisations feel 

will best replace the unilateral 

learning contracts some medical 

schools are currently asking 

their students to sign prior 

to commencing their medical 

course. The charter is split into 

two parts, demonstrating the 

fact that both the medical stu- 

The BMA Medical Students’ Committee is working all year round on your behalf 

but do you know the latest happenings? You do now! 

dent and the medical school 

have obligations to each other 

that should be fulfilled to 

ensure a happy relationship. 

Part one produced largely by 

Professor Sam Leinster of the 

University of East Anglia deals 

with the expectations of a medical 

student and is based upon 

the requirements the GMC lays 

down in their guidance document 

"Good Medical Practice" 

although it is important to note 

that the GMC are not actually 

bound by the terms of the charter. 

Most of the requirements 

would seem to be common 

sense to most medics; students 

must always treat patients with 

respect, patients should be 

aware that they are dealing with 

a student and not a doctor, and 

students will respect and protect 

confidential information 

are some extracts that no medical 

students would argue 

against. There are however 

some sections which may been 

seen as more controversial - 

that students must "dress in an 

appropriate professional manner 

that enables good communication 

with your patients" - 

although this may seem fair 

enough, could medical schools 

use this to prevent some student 

choosing to cover their faces if 

they so wish? Another possibly 

contentious point requests that 

"students will act quickly to 

protect patients from risk if 

they have good reason to 

believe that they or a colleague 

may not be fit to practise" - 

again, on first glance this looks 

ok but the footer goes on to 

explain that this includes "a 

health professional…..behaving 

in a way that is likely to lead to 

harm to patient." Are students 

really expected to blow the 

whistle on doctors? Do students 

have enough experience to be 

sure that a doctor is wrong in 

his or her actions? And what 

will happen to a student 

involved rightly or wrongly in a 

whistle blowing incident? 

medical student is long but in 

reality most would agree the 

medical schools are entitled to 

expect a certain standard from 

their students. Equally the 

medical schools must also guarantee 

a decent standard of education 

and facilities - this is 

where part two of the charter 

comes into play. Predominately 

written by former BMA MSC 

Chairman Leigh Bissett and 

Jonathan Beavers, this section 

is a comprehensive list of all 

that a student should expect 

from their experience at medical 

school. At first glance it 

appears that there is not much 

groundbreaking material but 

that the aim of this section is 

not to be something that will 

grab the headlines, rather to 

clarify the minimum a student 

can expect from their time at 

medical school. In this sense 

the content is apt in that it seeks 

to resolve many of the small 

concerns medical students have 

about their education, Points 

ples of this. The former states 

that medical schools must "provide 

timetabled information 

about the academic year ahead 

at least one month before commencement 

of the year" and 

that "details about external 

placements should be provided 

at least one month before commencement 

of the placement," 

while the latter requests that 

medical schools "provide free 

accommodation whilst the student 

is on a placement that is a 

significant distance from term 

time residence." These seem 

like minutiae but if just these 

two points could be guaranteed 

across the length of a medical 

degree it would make the life of 

students so much easier and the 

amount of work put into this 

charter would be justified. 

Although the purpose of this 

document is to act as a guide for 

both parties to note and not 

something students are expected 

to sign, setting formal rules 

for students prior to commence- 

that will always antagonise 

some people but medicine is 

like no other degree. It is essential 

that future doctors reach a 

certain standard of professionalism 

and it is the job of the 

medical schools to ensure this 

happens. And while the medical 

schools may make many 

demands of their students in 

this document, none of them are 

particularly unjust. The vast 

majority of medical students 

already fulfil all the requirements 

asked of them in this 

charter and if signing a contract 

agreeing to this means students 

are guaranteed a number of 

favourable conditions in return, 

this is no bad thing at all. 

The full Medical School 

Charter can be read on the 

BMA website: visit 

http://www.bma.org.uk/ap.nsf/c 

ontent/medschcharter to view 

it.


Solid foundations 


In the first of an exclusive monthly series, the 

London Deanery answer your questions on 

Modernising Medical Careers. 

AM I guaranteed a job in 

London? 

If you are accepted to a 

Thames Foundation School, the 

aim is to allow all foundation 

trainees the opportunity to 

undertake at least one of their 2 

years of foundation training in 

London. This means that if you 

undertake your first year outside 

of London, then you will 

have priority for being allocated 

a post within London for 

your second year. The only 

reservation about this will be if 

there are more people eligible 

to come back into London, than 

there are London posts. If this 

is the case, then given that all 

F2 allocations will be competitive, 

it is possible that some 

trainees will have to do both 

years in posts outside of 

London. 

I have kids/a mortgage. 

Surely I’m guaranteed the 

job of my choice? 

All posts are allocated on a 

competitive basis. Wherever 

possible the foundation schools 

will take into account personal 

circumstances but since many 

people have mortgages, and 

increasingly, families, there can 

be no guarantees about specific 

jobs in specific locations. 

AT my medical school we're 

ranked. Will rankings be 

used for our application to 

foundation schools? 

Not all medical schools can 

provide rankings for their graduates. 

In October 2005 a 

national application process 

for foundation training will 

open and rankings from medical 

schools will not form part 

of the application process. 

I hear the new form is very 

similar to the UCAS personal 

statement. Now, I know lots 

of people lie on the form and 

make up achievements that 

weren't true just to bolster 

their application. People are 

going to do the same on this 

form aren't they? 

There is always a possibility 

that people will augment and 

enhance their achievements in 

order to make their applications 

look better. But were 

medical graduates to do this, 

their Fitness to Practise would 

certainly be called into question 

and applicants who are 

found behaving in this way may 

well be referred to the General 

Medical Council (GMC). 

Medical graduates should be 

aware that such behaviour is 

fraudulent and dishonest and 

not consistent with professional 

practice. 

Although there is a national 

application process which will 

score and rank the applications 

that are received, the offers that 

are made as a result are 

dependent on the trusts, which 

are the employers, offering the 

contract of employment. Trusts 

will undertake certain checks 

(i.e. police checks, occupational 

health checks) and also have 

the right to verify any information 

submitted on the application 

form by asking for evidence 

of what was said. They 

can withdraw the offer if the 

applicant has found to be lying 

in what has been said on the 

application. 

PEOPLE say working outside 

of London for your first job 

doesn't harm your career 

prospects but in reality it 

does, doesn't it? 

About half the people who 

get into specialty training in 

London have never worked in 

London - so to do your further 

training in London does not 

require you to do your foundation 

training in London. You 

will have ample opportunity to 

apply and get back in further 

down the line. 

MY partner and I are both 

applying for foundation 

placements this year - I think 

in a couple of year's time we 

might get married! Is there 

any provision to make sure 

we're working in the same 

area? 

There is no specific provision 

for this, since a lot of medical 

graduates are in this situation. 

Obviously however if you both 

apply for posts in the same area 

that will improve your chances 

of being placed in a close geographic 

location. You will have 

the chance to say on your application 

form why you are applying 

where you are applying - 

but be flexible and think about 

where you will have the best 

chance of success. Its harder if 

you are "a pair", but not impossible! 

This section is intended to answer YOUR queries on MMC! 

If you have a question you’d like answered by staff at the 

London Deanery email ferras.alwan@ulu.lon.ac.uk putting 

MMC as the title, and we’ll print the answer in our next issue! 

GREETINGS medical high 

fliers and low riders. My prior 

legendary explosion regarding 

that near extinct medical clan 

entitled the House of Rugby 

should have jeopardised both 

my existence and my column. 

But those Neanderthals are 

probably enjoying the mud and 

thus too busy to read. 

Who next warrants scrutiny 

under my poetic apparatus, you 

ask. Who can perhaps deserve 

to be dealt a wound so severe it 

triggers greater tremors than 

those sensations bestowed by 

sheep farmers upon numerous 

creatures? Who merits an 

onslaught as severe as that 

assault waged against medical 

rude boyz? Famed, feared, 

flamboyant and frivolous; 

readers, I give you - the medical 

geek. 

Medical geeks have created 

a perception that has effectively 

penetrated the general 

human psyche, rendering them 

as apparently responsible for 

our most significant collective 

achievements. Consequently, 

some medical students secretly 

strive to become the ultimate 

geek by combating the many 

obstacles which ensure that 

only the most monotonous, 

dysmorphic, asexual and yet 

outlandish person need submit 

an application to UEL (the 

University of Exceptional 

Losers). 

The general persona can be 

observed during tutorials. 

Whereas most students read 

and discuss the prescribed 

material, these pathological 

over-achievers focus upon topics 

distant to the agreed course 

content set by the medical 

school. A mathematical equation 

can be useful here 

(Lammy's First Law of Geek 

Motion; the degree of digression 

from the course content is 

inversely proportional to the 

number of sexual encounters 

the subject can ever expect to 

experience). The monotonous 

contributions to such classes 

that this faction exhibits are 

likely to: hypnotise a hypnotist; 

paralyse a plant; impersonate 

19 

The bad boy of the medical world is now the 

ULU Medical Students’ Officer - but that 

doesn’t mean he’s keeping quiet....oh no! 

Mr Lammy speaks again.....off the record. 

an anaesthetist; exterminate a 

gas chamber; force oceans to 

drown; sedate the dead; vaporise 

a neutron bomb; and colour 

Everton red. Have mercy! 

Physically, geeks often appear 

to possess funny-shaped heads 

and a noticeable failure to look 

someone in the eye when 

(reluctantly) engaged in conversation. 

They typically look 

startled and crazed, much like a 

frightened chimpanzee. This is 

thought to be because they cannot 

comprehend that life exists 

outside the library and the laboratory. 

When outside these 

safety zones, they feel threatened 

- and strangely tempted - 

by the world of normality. 

The exterior of these creatures 

tends to display clothes 

that are better described as 

loose skin, as the period that 

they were last worn by the general 

public does not correlate 

well with our current era. 

Medical geeks consider themselves 

not the future, but present 

fundamentals of medical 

progress. They deem it necessary 

to: possess engraved 

stethoscopes; have a pension 

and personal insurance plan 

with Medical Sickness; have 

completely memorised the 

GMC's Duties of a Doctor 

(which are once again 

engraved upon their lockers); 

and form intimate relationships 

with thick textbooks that would 

otherwise be used (by normal 

students) as traction weights, 

firewood, paper mache, soundproofing 

material, or giant 

Jenga. 

Geeks possess many strange 

characteristics. They laugh 

hideously at the slightest of 

comical efforts and yet seem 

rather lost at the grandest and 

most vulgar politically incorrect 

joke. So they might not 

fathom my next statement: why 

slave away polishing the projectile 

system of a crossbow 

when someone will come along 

and invent the musket? 

The views expressed in this column 

are not those of ULU - 

everything Simon says is off the 

record!



The state of the union 

In the first of a new series, we argue over which medschool union truly is the king of 

them all. This month we visit Barts and the London. 

Ryan Maginn 

Staff Writer 

BEING the oldest medical 

school, we inherit a wealth of 

clubs, societies and traditions 

that other schools wish they 

had, but could never set up 

these days (Peninsula, I'm looking 

at you). It reinforces exactly 

why it’s important to preserve 

and protect your Union 

because, once it's gone, it's 

gone forever; harking back to 

"the angry issue", all you've got 

in its place is something like a 

mutation of Starbucks but, possibly, 

with less atmosphere. 

So, what's so good about our 

Unions at BL? Well, we've got 

two, to start. One is Barts Bar, 

at Charterhouse Square, 

Barbican; a Union with a notorious 

reputation amongst medical 

students across London, 

with its former closing hours of 

6am. Medical students used to 

come from across London to 

drink at Barts Bar. However 

apocryphal, this was due to 

three explanations - the first, 

that Barts Bar straddled two 

policing districts, and neither 

could be arsed; the second, that 

the said police liked to drink in 

Barts Bar after a shift and, 

therefore couldn't be arsed; and 

the third, that it was on Queen's 

territory and, therefore, needed 

a search warrant to be entered 

by the police on official 

grounds, meaning that all manner 

of impropriety could occur, 

safe in the knowledge that 

repercussions were unlikely 

because the police couldn't be 

arsed. It has always been run by 

a motley crew of young men 

(and a few women too), commonly 

known as the Barts Wine 

Committee, or "The Wine Co.", 

for short. 

This harks back to the times 

when Barts and The London 

were separate, and each were 

fiercely proud - it still continues 

to this day. Characteristically, 

they dress scantily, in orange, 

and drink out of yard glasses - 

their typical yards involve Gin, 

Tomato Juice and Paint thinner, 

and a little bit of urine. Their 

logo is a "skull and cross 

yards". It was well known at 

Barts Bar, in times past, to 

avoid the whisky, containing 

around 50% urine - urine forms 

part of a person's drink that 

"The Co." don't like; it's pot 

luck (pun may or may not be 

intended)! Above the bar, is a 

small sign: "Freshers, you 

might as well let us shag you 

now, because in three months, 

we won't want to". 

I love the Wine Co - what 

you see is what you get. They 

emblazon the crest of Barts 

over anything inanimate, while 

serving strong pints of cocktails 

from behind the bar at implausible 

prices (like £1.52.) 

Periodically, across the year, 

they round up three people who 

they feel may be good "Co." 

material, and cover them in 

horseshit and piss, and then 

strip them naked in front of the 

medical school at a Barts Bar 

night, and then poorly hose 

them down in a token gesture, 

to let them get on with their 

night. Their crow call of 

"BAAAAAAARTSSSS!!!" 

usually identifies them to the 

other people around them at 

any social function, and has 

become twisted in its use and 

meaning - if someone even 

hints towards Barts, it turns 

some audience members into 

something resembling sea lions 

at the zoo, all simultaneously 

barking out their beloved hospital's 

name. These guys are 

responsible for our annual comedy 

revue, "The Smoker", 

which has been drummed into 

us multiple times - it was 

founded by Graeme Chapman 

of Monty Python fame. 

Across the year, the Wine Co 

put on events, culminating in 

the Association Dinner in the 

final term, and the awesome 

Summer Ball, where we take 

over the lawn at Charterhouse. 

Being Wine Co run, however, 

the boys are untrained and have 

lapses sometimes - an example 

of this was when the laser-quest 

was closed down because an 

unnamed member of The Co 

decided to take a shit inside it. 

They haven't changed - they've 

been like this for years. 

They're trying their hardest 

to behave well at the moment, 

though (which is hilarious, as 

they're overcompensating by 

using manners while serving 

drinks), as Queen Mary, quite 

frankly, hates Barts Bar, and 

would prefer (and conspires) to 

have it (and the Co) closed 

down and sold off as prime 

Zone 1 real estate, or some 

suchlike, whereas "the Co." 

wants more nights at Barts. 

Barts Bar struggles to get late 

licences now (due partly to 

"The Co's" behaviour, for 

example, using chickens as funnels 

at one of their meetings, 

and neglecting to clean the 

mess up for a few days, causing 

a small rodent infestation and 

closure by Environmental 

Health), but when it is open, it's 

always a good night. The beau- 

Above: The BL rugby team with their gimp. Right: The 

London Wine Co. enjoy a drink, oblivious to the fact one 

of their cohort has collapsed. 

ty of Barts Bar is that it isn't 

pretty. While this may sound 

like an oxymoron, this means 

that, as students, we can trash it 

every time we're there and have 

a great laugh without worrying 

too much about the consequences. 

For example, a few 

weeks ago, we decided to have 

a Beach Party and, therefore, 

about a tonne of sand became 

deposited onto the dance floor. 

Even people who weren't dancing 

were finding sand in their 

beds a week later. That's the 

sort of night a Barts Bar night is 

like - very low budget and 

messy, but great fun. 

Back at Whitechapel is our 

main Union, The Griff-Inn, 

where we all converge every 

Wednesday, and most days in 

between, to pass the time 

between Wednesdays. The 

London Wine Committee run 

this bar, but are much better 

behaved. Our resident bar manager, 

John le Bar, has worked 

behind our bar for 21 years - 

and so he's seen a long line of 

medics pass through the Union. 

It's great to have him around, 

even if he does tell you to "fack 

off" at the end of a night's 

drinking - he's a top bloke (he 

must be to put up with us). 

On Wednesday, you'll notice 

towers of empties on most of 

the big sports tables - these are 

"Towers of Love" (or even 

Twin Towers of Love), which 

go up to the ceiling. It's an 

interesting place - in true hospital 

tradition, the Union is clad 

with "wipe clean" linoleum; but 

it's purple in there - even up 

part of the walls. Animals 

shouldn't be allowed in the 

gents in Whitechapel, let alone 

people - I have to admit. We've 

got a huge bar - one of the 

longest in London and, once 

again, we're not scared to trash 

our Union, which means that, 

more often than not, it gets even 

messier the more we drink. A 

lot of drinking occurs at BL - 

we're noted for that. Most clubs 

invariably involve some sort of 

drinking table of sorts - it's the 

games played within them 

which make them unique, such 

as "The Cooney" in Rugby, or 

"Zoom, Schwartz, P" in 

Hockey - not to neglect the 

"Action Replay" that is used to 

create an amazing spectacle of 

vomit by the Football Club on a 

weekly basis. 

As all of the clubs are based 

here, I guess you have to 

choose the right ones, and wisely 

- we've got loads, from Art 

and Photography to Alpine to 

Golf to Teddy Bear Hospital 

and Kids First. We’ve also got 

some alternative ones too - 

starting with the Dionysian 

Society - a bunch of guys who 

unashamedly conform to that 

public schoolboy stereotype, 

and like to drink out of yard 

glasses also. They have secret 

meetings, however, and their 

members are voted on by committee, 

where their actions are 

minuted - the Barts Wine Co 

like to poke fun at them, as 

they're a London Hospital 

incarnation, and almost diametrically 

opposed in nature to the 

Wine Co., in that they prefer to 

conduct themselves with more 

decorum - at least that is their 

intention. Gin is the norm for 

their meetings and, therefore, 

decorum could be a questionable 

word to use. With regards 

to their being opposive, it's 

mainly in jest, and it's a reciprocal 

relationship, but they're 

both similar and different 

beasts, and I like them both. 

We've got our Mixed Hockey 

Club as well: this is a bunch of 

people who drink while holding 

a hockey stick - that's how talented 

it gets. We're down to the 

Astro each Sunday, for a little 

hockey, and drinking, and then 

off to the Union for a little more 

drinking - the drinking tables 

go on until the later hours. It's a 

great test of stamina on a 

Monday, I can attest. We have 

Lopez Wine Soc, which is 

named after the Queen's first 

surgeon, if I do recall correctly, 

a Barts history thing - the fact 

he was hung, drawn and quartered 

for attempting to murder 

the Queen is just texture. This 

bunch of people are actually a 

lot more in the way of the connoisseur, 

and really appreciate 

their wines, but it has gone on 

for years, and a nice tradition to 

have. Naked Soc is an interest- 

ing one. It's an informal society, 

what with no committee, no 

meetings; the only qualifying 

requirement is that you are 

naked in a public place, with 6 

witnesses and photographic 

evidence. We used to have a tea 

drinking society, a society that 

owned a racehorse called 

"Gallop Rhythm", and a few 

idiosyncrasies, like the Crown 

and Bridge society, which, 

apparently, is making a comeback 

- the aim is simply to neck 

a beverage at Buckingham 

Palace and at Tower Bridge in a 

round race back to the Union, 

as I understand it. 

I feel like I haven't really 

done my Union justice by 

describing it here - I've only got 

a few words, however: our 

Unions aren't the prettiest of 

places, but it's what happens 

inside that makes them the 

places they are. I think that's 

what typifies us at BL, and I 

feel we prefer it that way. 

Disagree with this and think 

your union is the best? Email 

ferras.alwan@ulu.lon.ac.uk 

and tell everyone why your 

union rules all!



Bhanging down the doors 

Welcome to alternative medic - the section where we 

track down those egregious individuals who refuse to 

let a full-time medical education limit their talents in 

distinctly unmedical fields. This month, Nazza T: 

Imperial medic and DJ from Menis and Nazza T. 



Asian music sensations Menis 

and Nazza T look set to burst 

into the mainsteam in the 

very near future - their summer 

single “Sshh!” has 

enjoyed airtime on Radio 1 

and the BBC Asian Network. 

How did you two get 

together? 

We hooked up after appearing 

on the same bill as each other at 

a few gigs across London. I was 

looking for rappers and Menis 

was looking for a producer. We 

just happened to hit it off in the 

studio and when one of our first 

tunes out ("Sshh!") was so successful 

we realized that our 

combo worked. It's funny 

because we are both from totally 

different backgrounds, and 

probably would never have met 

if it wasn't for music. 

Where did you get such an 

inimitable band name? 

It's just a combination of our 

individual stage names, no 

great vision behind it: Menis 

has been Menis since he started 

MC-ing (and with good rea- 

Menis and Nazza T: "Sshh!" 

son!). I was nicknamed Nazza 

T back in high school. Menis & 

Nazza T just sounded good. It 

kind of represents who we are 

as well: just two blokes who 

make music together. It's that 

simple. 

How would you describe your 

music to the uninitiated? 

It's life. It's everyday stuff that 

you see around you. It's the 

emotions that you feel, the bad 

stuff you've gone through, the 

good times you look back to. 

All laid down over the funkiest 

of beats and served for your 

aural pleasure. 

What makes you different to 

other Asian acts on the scene? 

We don't let being Asian hold us 

back in terms of people's expectations. 

These days if you're 

Asian, you're almost expected 

to have some tablas tapping 

away and a few Bollywood 

samples in the background of 

all your tunes. Of course we are 

heavily influenced by our roots 

but at the same time we grew up 

in this country and have been 

exposed to all the other diverse 

[musical] influences it has to 

offer. A lot of Asian acts are 

plainly only in this industry 

because it's seen to be the 

"cool" thing to do. Not us: we 

are musicians first and foremost. 

Even if it doesn't work 

out for us we'll still be writing 

songs and making beats 'cos 

[sic] that's what we do. 

What should we expect at one 

of your live shows? 

Pure energy. When Menis gets 

behind a mic it's like he's possessed 

by a demon. I've been 

DJ-ing for years now so I can 

work a crowd on a straight 

music level. If we want to get 

you hype, believe me you'll be 

dancing in the aisles by the time 

the night is through. Even that 

shy girl sitting in the corner will 

be on her feet. 

Who are your musical 

influences? 

We both have vastly different 

influences, which I think has 

really helped shape the uniqueness 

of our sound. Menis likes 

his grime and hiphop, artists 

like Kano, Klash'nekoff, and 

DMX. He's also a closet lover 

of Hindi music! I love most 

types of Indian music and 

almost anything else except 

hard metal music (that's too 

Nazza T: He's a medic…honest. 

heavy for my delicate ears!): 

Dancehall, reggaeton, 70s-80s 

stuff, Arabic music. Bewteen 

the two of us, there's almost 

nothing we don't listen. Plus, 

although we're both young, 

we've both lived pretty full 

lives so far. We have plenty of 

material to draw on to write 

songs. 

How would you describe the 

transition in your work postalbum? 

I make whatever music I feel 

like making when I wake up in 

the morning, Or, more usually 

these days, when I get back 

from uni! Menis is the same 

about his lyrics. There will be 

no talk of grand "transitions" or 

"evolutions" from us. It's just 

about making good music. We 

leave the transitions to people 

that started out by limiting 

themselves with the music they 

make. We started out making 

music with no boundaries so we 

don't have to keep changing 

what we do simply to stay 

fresh. 

Who would you like to work 

with on your next record? 

Anyone that's talented and has 

something different to offer. 

We're not just about getting big 

names in. Many of the features 

on our first album are new 

artists themselves that collaborated 

with us because we had 

mutual respect for each other's 

sound. Saying that, we do have 

a few dreams collaborations 

though. I know for a fact Menis 

would love to do a tune with 

Sway Da'Safo. I would love to 

go back in time and work with 

great Indian vocalists of yesteryear: 

Nusrat Fateh or Ali Khan 

for example, or a younger Lata 

Mangeshkar. 

Any new bands that you think 

we should be looking out for? 

Sway: a very talented dude. Jah 

Cure is a Jamaican singer at the 

forefront of a mini-revolution 

in modern reggae. I think that 

guy could go on to become an 

icon for his country and reggae 

music in general. A new 

American rapper called Saigon: 

one of the most gifted wordsmiths 

I've heard in a long 

while. UK R'n'B group called 

Fun*damental: three very talented 

lads who can go as far as 

they want to. 

What are your hopes for the 

band in the near future? 

We just want to convert more 

and more people to our vibe: 

watch our videos, cop our 

album and come see us live. As 

long as we keep making great 

tunes then we'll be doing just 

fine. And we want to develop 

our live performances much 

more because the scene is crying 

out for "urban" artists that 

have music credibility as well 

as hype. Watch out for our live 

gigs! 

Lastly but not least, medic 

21 

and musician: how and why 

do you do it? 

How do I do it? Sometimes not 

very well, I've got to be honest. 

They're both very time-consuming 

and I've not always got 

the balance right over the last 

couple of years. But luckily 

with support of everyone 

around me I've just about pulled 

through and reached through to 

the last couple of years of medical 

school and onto Radio One 

at roughly the same time! I'm 

getting better at the whole timemanagement 

thing now though. 

Why do I do it? Because I'm 

lucky enough that my "job" and 

my "hobby" are both things that 

I love doing. I feel privileged to 

have the chance to do both and 

I'm not about to let that opportunity 

slide. 

Want to know more? Check out 

menisandnazza.co.uk for gig 

listings, galleries and future 

releases. 

If you know someone who you 

think is talented enough (you 

can even nominate yourself!) 

to be our alternative medic 

then email the editor: 

ferras.alwan@ulu.lon.ac.uk

22 

Verbal Decussation . 

Across: 

1. Acute leukaemia, most commonly 

seen in children. 

6. The cancer with the highest prevalence 

in the UK. 

7. Men with this cancer may give a 

positive urinary pregnancy test. 

9. Lymphoma in which Sternberg- 

Reed cells can be seen on Lymph node 

biopsy. 

10. Tyrosine kinase inhibitor, used in 

the treatment of CML. 

11. Chromosome found in CML, due 

to a 9:22 translocation. 

Medoku . 

Down: 

2. Serum PSA levels are often used to 

stage the progression of this cancer. 

3. A Folic acid antagonist which is 

often used for haematological malignancies 

in addition to being an 

immunosuppressive agent. 

4. This lymphoma has been linked 

with a prevalence of serum EBV antibodies. 

8:14 translocation often seen. 

5. A drug used in the treatment of 

breast cancer. It works by blocking 

oestrogen receptors. 

8. A platinum based compound used in 

the treatment of testicular cancer. 

Check all the answers online: 

www.medical-student.co.uk/extra 

The Astrological Apothocary . 

Virgo (24th August - 23rd September) 

New love claiming to be an important surgeon, 

always apparently caught up on oh so 

glamorous sounding trauma cases? Check 

out the geriatrics ward, I reckon your new 

lover may be lurking somewhere close to the 

catheter bags. 

Libra (24th September - 23rd October) 

White coat sleeves looking a bit grubby? Its 

not just your white coat, smarten yourself up 

and start to look like a proper doctor - you'll 

be one soon. 

Scorpio (24th October - 22nd November) 

Good luck this month, you’ll need it, Pluto is 

in Uranus and its not looking pretty. 

Sagittarius (23rd November - 21st 

December) 

The Archer…no excuse to drink a lot of 

sweet cheap schnapps but you can do it anyway. 

Everyone knows Friday morning ward 

rounds are a bit ropey. 

Capricorn (22nd December - 20th 

January) 

No ER, No Holby, No Doctors: looks like 

your going to have to resort to reading a textbook 

for once, tough luck! 

Aquarius (21st January - 19th February) 

It would all be OK if the patients weren't sick 

- so inconsiderate! 

Cheesy Bites . 

The ‘pocket-sized’ Cheese 

and Onion (aka Oxford 

Handbook of Clinical 

Medicine) has represented 

the last refuge of the 

unapologetically ignorant 

clinical student since 1985. 

But above and beyond its 

impossibly concise and 

accurate coverage of internal 

medicine and surgery, it is 

also prone to fairly abstract 

and imaginative instruction 

on the philosophy of the 

medical sciences and the 

role of medical professionals. 

Medical Student brings 

you some of its favourite 

truths and maxims. 

Pg 33 6th Edition: 

Approaching your patient 

for the first time: 

Abdominal 

What is Medoku? 

Medoku is like Sudoku but Medicalised! 

“The mind is always painting 

pictures, filling in gaps – 

and falling into traps. 

Perception is an active 

process, for, as Marcel 

Proust, that life-long allknowing 

patient, observed 

[The Guermantes Way]: 

We never see the people who 

are dear to us save in the 

Animated system, the perpetual 

motion of our incessant 

love 

For them, which before 

allowing the images that 

their faces 

Present to reach us catches 

them in its vortex, flings 

them 

Back upon the idea that we 

have always had of them, 

Makes them adhere to it. 

So how do you play it? 

The Medoku grid is 3 squares by 3 squares, and each of these squares is subdivided into another 

3 x 3 grid. That means there is a total of 9 boxes each with 9 spaces. The aim of the game is 

to fill every space on the grid with a letter from the word Abdominal, the only clause being that 

a letter cannot be repeated in the same row, column or square. 

Any hints? 

Don’t confuse the upper and lower case versions of the letter A! 

Pisces (20th February - 20th March) 

Oh, you've been working so hard, running 

around the wards, up and down stairs, to and 

fro all day, everyone is so pleased with you. 

Feet are a bit whiffy though. 

Aries (21st March - 21st April) 

Quite good this month, many strokes of 

genius come up and bite you, Fantastic. 

Taurus (22nd April - 21st May) 

Don't give up - you are nearly there. So a life 

of long boozy lunches in the city sounds 

tempting, but who would be there to help that 

dear little old lady onto the commode, you 

know you wouldn't want to miss that for anything. 

Gemini (22nd May - 21st June) 

Spending too much time in the mess I think - 

crickets over now so there's no excuse, get 

back to the patients. 

Cancer (22nd June - 23rd July) 

This is a radiograph of Mr so and so taken on 

such and such a date, blah blah blah. Your 

consultant isn't listening - he's scanning the 

report to see what’s actually wrong, make 

sure to give him enough time to come up 

with a diagnosis. 

Leo (24th July - 23rd August) 

Don that pinny and start to see those MRSA 

+ve patients instead of just hovering and 

waving from the door - we all have it but just 

don't know. But hey, if you are caught with 

perineal MRSA its 3 weeks off…….. 

So if you want to know your 

patient, take snapshots of 

him from various angles, and 

briefly contemplate him in 

the round before Proust’s 

vortex whisks you off track. 

You can prepare for these 

snapshots in the blinking of 

an eye, saying to yourself: 

‘When I open my eyes I’m 

going to see my patient face 

to face’ and in that clinical 

blink, divest yourself of 

those prejudices and expectations 

which all good diagnosticians 

somehow ignore. 

When you open your eyes 

you will be all set for a 

Gestalt recognition of incipient 

myxoedema, jaundice, 

anaemia, or perhaps more 

importantly, the recognition 

that the person in front of 

you is frightened, failing, or 

dying.”

Redesigning this page hasn’t stopped us telling you what to do. 

#23 How do I become a really popular fresher? 

John Fisher 

I'm glad you asked. It's something 

we all want, but only a 

few of us can manage. We want 

to be loved. We want to be 

notorious. We want to be wanted. 

So Freshers is winding to a 

close and you've not managed 

to bed anyone. Don't worry, the 

term is yet young. The mistake 

you're likely to make is thinking 

about work. It's your FIRST 

TERM, hence work should 

commence about a day before 

the end-of-term exam. 

WITH over seventy percent of 

a first impression being down 

to visual impact, not to mention 

the increasing sexualisation of 

society, the need to keep things 

patient-friendly (read conventionally 

attractive) on the wards 

is more important than ever. 

The best way to make an 

impression, it seems, is to be 

irreplaceable. And in the words 

of the goddess Chanel, to be 

irreplaceable means being different. 

The revered position of tardiness 

never runs dry in our 

beloved profession - and it is on 

this divergent tangent from the 

fusty world of wanker-bankery 

that the fun begins. Copying is 

the sincerest form of flattery, so 

take heed from your consultant 

that the way to be is 'fashionably 

late'. Resist the temptation 

As with everything in life, 

there are three basic routes to 

stardom: Sex, drugs and rock 

and roll. Girls - the most surefire 

way for you to be the talk 

of the town is by SLEEPING 

AROUND. A study in The 

Lancer recently confirmed that 

easy girls get better foundation 

year jobs, so lie back and think 

of the Chelsea and 

Westminster. Nobody likes a 

frigid old cow, so get your baby 

Kumars out for the lads. Drugs 

are available aplenty in medschool 

and you'd be a FOOL if 

you were picky. The real trick 

is to MIX them. Booze is the 

most popular by a mile and 

to bring your watch from home 

- it's liberating to not be constrained 

by the clock. Nobody 

likes a busybody either, so this 

season's hippie-chic is an apt 

frame of mind. The edge, which 

keeps things exciting, unlike 

the apathy more commonly 

associated with our bohemian 

friends is that a practised (wellmanicured) 

hand at office politics 

and endless backbiting is 

extremely useful too. The 

arrival of this oracle to coincide 

with London Fashion Week 

couldn't have come at a better 

time! 

Don't let the absence of 

Luella and Matthew 

Williamson get you down 

though - I can do without them, 

and so can you - attitude is only 

half the story, with sartorial 

flair being other component of 

dressing for success. Believe 

me, if anyone should know 

about shifting those post-Ashes 

pint-pounds with a sleight of 

hand or ten, it's the team at MS 

- masculine tailoring, vertical 

studies consistently show that 

ugly Freshers would have a far 

less enjoyable time without it. 

The main purpose of booze is 

to encourage nefarious conduct 

- which brings me to Rock and 

Roll. This translates as being a 

bad mofo and doing some bad 

mofo shit. A favourite is stealing 

things from other medical 

schools, thought to be a remnant 

of our primitive huntergatherer-stealer 

instincts. 

However the more imaginative 

your high jinx, the further your 

fame will spread. Destroying 

medical school property is 

thoroughly laudable, especially 

if it's not your medschool. 

stripes and black, black and 

more black have never been 

more popular! 

Let's refresh by reiterating 

the rules. Suggestion is always 

more potent than the direct 

approach. Professionalism, 

with cleanliness and practicality 

are the order of the day, 

despite the mysterious popularity 

of Muji and Yamamoto, both 

of which exemplify the being 

the exact opposite of what I 

deem appropriate - since when 

have beige and grey flattered 

anyone? Utalitarian androgyny 

is best left to the operating theatre, 

where scrubs are green for 

bloodstains and battle scars to 

be depicted with ease in the 

maximum surface area possible. 

However, drawing the 

attention of a senior to secondary 

sexual organs hasn't hindered 

students in the past, 

although less is certainly more, 

since overt sexuality is best 

consigned to the bedroom. 

Ditch the military fetish now - 

brass buttons and waistcoats are 

Filming sex with someone - top 

marks (bonus if it's a lecturer). 

And finally getting arrested is 

probably your best bet for medical 

school celebrity status. 

Some crimes are cooler than 

others. Grand Theft Auto - very 

cool. Anything involving heists 

- uber cool. Embezzling - cool. 

Yeah you know what, they're 

all cool. Get arrested, seriously. 

The bottom line - have lots 

of sex, abuse your body (if others 

volunteer, let them do it too) 

and behave badly. If you get in 

trouble, just tell 'em the 

studentBMJ told you to do it. 

Work can wait till next term! 

#24 How do I dress on the wards in Autumn? 



PQ is a 45 year old man who 

presents to you in clinic with a 

history of ankle swelling. He 

gives a gradual progression 

over several years. He has no 

specific complaints but you 

fear the oedema could be quite 

severe as he has also noticed 

abdominal and facial swelling. 

He has no cardiac history, 

nor any symptoms of kidney or 

liver disease, but he has noticed 

that his appetite has been 

affected. He is currently not 

taking any medication. Family 

history is unremarkable, but in 

the social history you learn he 

has increased his trouser size 

recently and as such you begin 

to consider endocrine patholo- 

gy. 

Examination is unhelpful. 

Shifting dullness is negative. 

No organs are palpable, JVP is 

normal and no abnormalities 

are detected. 

You run a battery of tests. 

Nothing is conclusive and you 

are stumped. You recall that 

malnutrition can cause abdominal 

swelling - but an inexplicable 

hunch tells you that his 

nutritional status seems intact. 

As usual, you have no clue as 

to the diagnosis and are about 

to run away crying. Luckily a 

band of wandering minstrels 

give you a clue. They sing a 

song suggesting you take a step 

back and observe the patient 

from the end of the bed. 

Suddenly it all becomes clear. 

What's the diagnosis? 

Your patient is fat. 

Chubby fat fat fatboy porker's 

disease (or as it was previously 

known, obesity) is a 

remarkably under-diagnosed 

condition. This is normally 

explained by the subtlety of the 

clinical signs suggestive of fatness, 

but it is important to rule 

it out in every patient you see, 

so be sure to look for it. The 

pathognomonic finding is a big 

fat person on examination. If 

you are unsure as to the diagnosis, 

do not be afraid to ask "are 

you fat?" 

Fatness afflicts many, spread 

across all age groups. 

Symptoms include inability to 

fit through doors, causing 

earthquakes, losing small 

objects between rolls of flab 

and chronic celibacy. 

Treatment for fatties (it is 

SO 19th century! 

Autumnal tones, riding boots 

and the ethereal layering of silk 

and chiffon will keep things 

fresh, along with the donning of 

gypsy skirts and tailored knits 

(see Hobbs, Karen Millen and 

Mexx for inspiration) should 

help with the flattering side of 

things, whilst ballet pumps and 

stiletto courts keep things interesting 

in the female footwear 

department. Men on the other 

hand, shouldn't take the catwalk 

to heart. Dandyism is only 

helpful to the future psychiatrist. 

Or Grayson Perry for that 

matter! I can only suggest that 

you keep the lines (and 

physique) clean and classic, 

and add a skinny tie to keep it 

chic. Preferably a cricket tie 

since it's the current sport of 

choice. Or dishevelled hair 

(Brandon Boyd-style), since 

playing with that on pretty boys 

is my sport of choice. 

The choice is yours; may the 

force be with you. 

#25 Education Corner, Ankle Swelling 

Dr Gupta 

impolite to use any other terminology) 

is a controversial field. 

Those that insist it's their 

glands should be punched on 

sight. This is the cruel-to-bekind 

approach which has produced 

superb results in 

America, where 1 in 1 people 

are fat. Others should be 

shunned and treated as social 

pariahs. A novel therapy from 

GlaxoSmithKlineBeechamWel 

lcome is very encouraging. A 

wet towel is used to 'whip' the 

tubby wideload's rear-end, as 

he or she runs around and tries 

to escape, often shouting "I'm 

full of chocolate". This fascinating 

treatment's full name is 

Liquid-Activated Rear-Driven 

Ass-Snapping Sequence, 

abbreviated to LARDASS. 

If all else fails, pump them 

full of steroids, they never do 

any harm. 

Genetics: 

For years, the only use for genetics was to 

help people blag their way through medical 

school interviews but the huge increase in 

news mentioning the use of genetics in 

medical treatment means it may finally be 

useful! 

The Golden Hour: 

Based on HEMS at the Royal 

London, ITV1’s new drama is a 

testimony to the hard work and 

innovation needed to be a television 

producer. I mean who would 

have the insight to turn on a TV 

and copy Trauma on BBC1? 

David Davies MP: 

Despite losing the race to lead the 

perennial parliamentary losers, 

Tory Boy gets a mention due to 

hailing from the humble Aboyne 

Estate in Tooting, directly opposite 

St George's Halls. 

ITV’s 50th Birthday: 

They may have produced the 

Golden Hour but does anyone else 

give a shit about ITV’s birthday 

celebrations? Self-gratifying nonsense 

dreamt up by men in grey 

suits. 

Freshers in the Library: 

If you fancy a laugh head down to 

the library where you’ll almost 

certainly see freshers hidden 

behind a mountain of books while 

attempting to understand a lecture 

on MRSA or something equally 

easy...leave the books for the real 

medics! 

Bird Flu: 

Will it just hurry up and get here?? 

All the talk of it is getting dull.

Bursary problems reoccur despite last year's assurances to the ...

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