Abductions cause students, university to evaluate security Gillis ...

16 FRIDAY, APRIL 8, 1994 THE RICE THRESHER BACKPAGE
The backpage Is Not A Joke!!!
CLASSIFIEDS
Bone Loss in Young Women With
Menstrual Problems
Young women with absent or infrequent
menstrual periods may be losing
bone at a time when their bone
density should be stable or increasing.
Baylor College of Medicine is conducting
a study of bone density and
body calcium in 14-25 year old females
who have infrequent or absent
menstrual periods and who are not on
hormones currently. The study will
require a commitment of 12 months.
The initial tests, if done on your own,
would cost approximately $2,000.
They are paid for as part of the study.
For more information, contact Susan
Carter 770-1736 or Dr. Albert
Hergenroeder 770-3659.
ADOPTION- A home full of love,
laughter, and Christian values await
your baby. Financial security and
educational opportunities are priorities.
Houston couple wishes to share
open adoption with you. Call Tom
and Paige 496-1860.
Greeks & Clubs: EARN $50 - $250
For Yourself
Plus up to S500 for your club'. This
fundraiser costs nothing and lasts one
week. Call now and receive a free gift.
1-800-932-0528, Ext. 65.
Roommate from Hell? Max dorm
db? Homeless? Try the INTERNA-
TIONAL HOUSE.
Small, quiet (usually) dorm offering
large furnished private rooms, all utilities,
full kitchen, video room, game
room, laundry, free local phone.
S295.00 a month for a one year lease.
Shared rooms from SI85.00 per person.
Summer leases available. Tobacco
and alcohol free. Call Jim at
237-8443 day, 674-2528 nights for
information or to see.
First Christian Church, 1601 Sunset.
Do something meaningful for
yourself and your community. Sunday
Services: 10:50 a.m, 6:30 p.m.
Sunday night supper 5:45 free with
Rice ID. John Cunyus, Baker '84,
Minister.
HELP WANTED
Looking For Adventure) Adventure
Bay, Houston's newest waterpark is
seeking applicants for the '94 season.
Prospective employees must have pro -
fessional appearance and good people
skills. Part time and full time positions
available. Lifeguards with current certifications
perferred. Stop by and fill
out an application Mon-Fri, 5-7pm.
13602 Beechnut @ Beechnut and
Eldridge 498-SWIM.
N a tional Park Sum mer Jobs—Ove r
25,000 openings (including hotel staff,
tour guides, etc.)! Benefits + Bonuses!
Apply now for fcfest positions.
Call: 1(206)545-4804 ext. N5849.
Alaska Summer Employment Students
Needed! Earn $8,000+in two
months. Many employers provide
room,board 8c transportation. Male
or Female. No experience necessary.
Join thousands of other students and
enjoy the most beautiful scenery the
U.S. has to offer!l(206)545-4155
ext. A5849Student Employment Ser-
CRUISE SHIPS HIRING - Earn
up to $2,000+/ mo. on Cruise Ships
or Land-Tour companies. Summer
and Full-Time employment available.
No exp. necessary. For info, call
1(206)634-0468 ext. C5849
Summer Babysitter wanted. M-F, 8-
5, kids 10 and 6. Memorial City Mall
area. Must have car. $5/hour. Call
951 -9137 for interview.
Full time position available immediately.
Public opinion firm in the Rice
University/Museum area seeks selfstarting
quick learner with computer
programming and statistical analysis
skills to manage state of the art computer-assisted
telephone interviewing
network. Knowledge of SPSS/PC+
helpful. Training available. Excellent
opportunity to grow, leam and make a
difference in a fast paced, small company
environment. Salary commcnsu -
rate with experience. For information,
call Holly Thorson at 524-7132.
West U Room and Board — single
working mother (flight attendant)
looking for responsible student. Room
and board in exchange for light
babysitting and cleaning. Children are
older and independent. Walking distance
to campus and village. Call
Colette at 668-7250.
NOTES &
NOTICES
Career Services: Rejection letter party
April 12, 10 p.m. at Willy's Pub.
Auditions for the Mixed Signals cast
for O-Week 1994, will be held Monday,
April 11, and Wednesday, April
13, at 7 p.m. in Hamman Hall auditorium.
Seeking 3 men and 3 women for
acting roles. All new script. For more
information, please call Robin Holzer
at 432-0386.
Rice Young Democrats present Rep.
Scott Hochberg, the only Rice grad in
the Texas Legislature. Thursday, April
14th, 7:30 p.m. in Rayzor Hall 111.
Elections for next year's offices will
follow the presentation. All are welcome
to attend.
Rice Counseling Center will present
an interactive workshop — Finding
Balance in Life: Managing a Life in the
Midst of Finals. Wednesday, April 13,
6:00-6:45 p.m. Sid Richardson PDR
Lecture on "Human Rights in Guatemala"
by author Jennifer Harbury.
Tuesday, April 12 at Farrlsworth
Pavillion (student center), 7:30 p.m.
sponsored by the RPC Students' Speakers
Forum and Guatemala Support
Network.
Hosts needed for Owl Day 1994!
SAC needs 300 volunteers to host
prospective students next weekend,
April 14-16. Contact the SAC office
or fill out a "host card" at your college.
Still looking for gainful employment?
Come to The Very Last Minute Job
Search. Career Services Center, April
12 at 4 p.m.
Is your personal cookbook limited to
1-8OO-DOMINOS? Learn Survival
CookingTechniques. Yet another episode
in the Life Beyond the Hedges
Series. Coming to Farnsworth Pavillion,
April 13 at 4 p.m.
Is your business wardrode beginning
to rot? Why not leam about Building
a Professional Wardrobe? Another addition
to the Life Beyond the Hedges
Series. Appearing at the Miner Lounge,
April 14 at 7 p.m.
MCAT scores too low? Daniel Hu will
be discussing Careers in Law. Sewall
Hall 303, April 12 at 7 p.m.
Why are there so many
fucking classified ads this
week? Our true wit, humor,
and charm just doesn't have
the space to shine through!
To my mother - bite me.
A W0RP FROM YOUR NEW EJPEs.
Adam's Column
Someone recently said to me, "Hey you, I know
you, you're a sensitive, caring, 90's sort of guy.
Why don't you run for BPE?" So I brought it up
at my co-dependents meeting and they all agreed
that I should REFORM THE BACKPAGE. I
mean, I'm in touch with my feminine side. Words
like penis, ass and fuck hurt me, too. There is just
no excuse for such language and humor in a
clean-cut, family-oriented paper such as the
Thresher. After all, this is Rice, and no one here
who is aware of the feelings of others would find
such subject matter humorous. So my goal, as
backpage editor, is to create a Utopia of peace,
love,andunderstandingatRice University through
the publication of the Backpage. Thank you and
suck the bitch dry.
MISCLASS
In the Chicago Tribune:
"But how do you master that elusive
skill known as touch?"
—Don't ask the guys on this campus
We have no fucking room for
anything else, it's not like any of you
submit anything anyway!
If the President of the United States
can find the time to jog every day,
why can't our SA president???
—or even Buns of Steel?
From Dan-Dan the Party Man - "I
need bigger panties! Don't you have
anything besides g-strings?"
Bite me. You pussy-whipped guys make me
sick! Look, I'm a modern woman, and I love the
Backpage the way it is. Just because I have a
clitoris doesn't mean I can't take a joke! You're
right, rape is not a joke, but the backpage is. I bet
on those lonely nights half the guys on this
campus whack off to the Backpage! And probably
a third of the girls—excuse me—womyn.
I think the fucking language is hysterical and
quite frankly, arousing. In fact, Eric Stotts's humor
brought me to climax more times than any
of the fucks on this campus. So all I have to say
to you, Adam, is CRANK IT UP AND GRAB
YOUR ANKLES because there are no ife, ands
or buts about it—you're spending the Backpage
with me and all my charm.
Today, April 8th, "How to Think, feel or Say Precisely the Most
Inappropriate Thing for Any Occasion" by Dan Wegner, 309 Sewall
at 3 p.m. WE DID NOT MAKE THIS UP (although we may be guest
speakers).
Tonight, April 8th
April 9th
CALENDAR
.... Wiess JamFest TG& Party
Hanszen (sux) College Night
SID College Night
Spring Galveston Trip
SRC Party
April 11 and April 13th, auditiqns for Mixed Signals cast will be held
at 7pm in Hamman Hall.
• Time and date unknown — I shoot those fucking Wiess people who
bellow at my window every time they get drunk.
Earn $10 to $15 an hour
teaching part-time for the
The Princeton Review
The Princeton Review, the nation's leading test preparation
companyris looking for classroom instructors to prepare students
for the SAT.
What You Get...
FLEXIBLE HOURS: 8-15 hours/week in the evening and on
weekends.
EXCELLENT PAY: Instructor pay from $10 to $15 an hour.
RAPID merit-based evaluation and raises.
COMPLETE (and paid) training.
We have several different
locations and course schedules
in the Greater Houston area.
Course training is starting
soon. If you want a shot at the
best part-time job anywhere,
call us now!
THE
PRINCETON
REVIEW
We Score More!
The Coltog* Bowd ETS. and Prtncelon U are not nftAatod with fh« Princeton Review
... What We Need.
BACKGROUND: Must be a top scorer on the
SAT.
PERSONALITY: YOU must be dynamic and
outgoing—personable and inspiring?
RELIABILITY: We need you to be available
for at least 12 months.
Call us at
688-5500
and tell us you saw this
offer in the Thresher.