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2009934667 Chapter 3 Nonverbal Communication 69 Most people (except those who have been abused, raped, or brought up in a low- or no-touch family or society) associate appropriate touching with positive messages. 50 Those whose bodies have been invaded without permission, however, as in the case of sexual abuse, often pull back or feel uncomfortable when touched. In fact, touch avoidance is one of the signs counselors sometimes use to aid in the identification of clients who have been physically or sexually abused. 51 If you have ever wondered why you felt comfortable, or uncomfortable, when you were touched, it could well have to do with your upbringing. Different cultures regard touch in different ways. Some avoid touch while others encourage it. The same is true within families. For example, in the United States, a moderatetouch society, “it is not unusual for an adult to pat the head of a small child who has been introduced by his or her parents. In Malaysia, and other Asian Pacific countries, touching anyone’s head—especially a child’s—is improper and considered an indignity because the head is regarded as the home of the soul.” 52 In the United States, a handshake is appropriate as a business greeting, a bow fulfills the same purpose in Japan, and kissing on both cheeks is the French custom. Touch is not only culture specific but also gender specific. Women in the European American culture tend to engage in more intimate same-sex touch than do men. Female pairs are more likely than male pairs to exchange hugs, kisses, and touches on the arm or back, and to do so for longer duration. 53 Heterosexual men touch one another using only narrowly circumscribed behaviors, such as handshaking or, in instances of extreme emotion (e.g., athletic accomplishments), hugging, butt slapping, or kissing. The acceptability of showing physical affection by women may be one of the reasons lesbians may be less discriminated against than gay men. 54 European Americans tend to react less to physical displays between women than between men. This is not true in other countries, such as Turkey, where it is acceptable for men to hold hands or kiss. In the United States, when Nonverbal communication is composed of all those messages that people exchange beyond the words themselves. Communicating: A Social and Career Focus, Tenth Edition, by Roy M. Berko, Andrew D. Wolvin, and Darlyn R. Wolvin. Published by Allyn & Bacon. Copyright © 2007 by <strong>Pearson</strong> Education, Inc.
70 Part One Foundations of Communication men touch, kiss, or hug each other, attention is drawn to the activity, and since it is not generally part of the cultural norm, it is perceived by some in negative ways. Permission to touch tends to follow an action chain sequence. If you have ever wondered why someone with whom you’d like to be intimate pulls away or gets rigid when you or the other person is touched, it may well be that you have jumped forward in the sequence too quickly. For a person brought up in a moderate- to low-touch society, there is an appropriate time not to touch, then to touch, then to kiss, and then to fondle. If one person feels he or she is at the no-touch stage, and the partner acts at the fondle stage, strong negative verbal and physical reactions may follow. “Individuals differ dramatically in the degree to which they like or dislike touch.” 55 The degree to which an individual dislikes being touched is identified as touch avoidance. If you would like to measure your touch/touch avoidance, fill out the questionnaire in Figure 3.4. Remember in evaluating your scores that your cultural background, including your nationality, sexual orientation, and gender, has a great deal to do with your score, your desire to touch, and whom you feel comfortable touching you. People in the European American culture, no matter what gender, who are touch avoiders tend to have less overall intimacy, to be less open and less expressive, and to have somewhat lower self-esteem. 56 In addition, touch avoiders judge people who touch them less favorably than do touch approachers. 57 Further, people who like to touch and be touched by others are not only more communicative but generally also tend to be more self-confident. 58 Body Synchrony: Posture, Walk, and Stance Research in body synchrony, the study of posture as well as the way a person walks and stands, indicates that these nonverbal indicators do say something about a person. 59 A person’s walk can give us clues about status, mood, ethnic and cultural affiliation, and self-perception. Walking follows cultural patterns: Europeans, European Americans, and Asians have different walks. Some Europeans coming to the United States often ask why people are in such a hurry, an impression that comes from the quick pace at which European Americans typically walk. In general, the way you walk and stand tells more about you than you probably realize. When someone enters a room, you instantly form conclusions about that person. Some people walk with confidence and stand with head high, shoulders back, and jaw set. Others walk slowly with a stance of sloping shoulders, eyes down, withdrawing within their bodies. This posture may indicate lack of confidence. Detectives and airline security personnel are trained to pick out suspicious people by the way they walk. Artifactics Artifactics centers on the study of those things that adorn the body and send messages to others about us as well as say something about us and our selection of these items. A person’s clothing, makeup, eyeglasses, and jewelry carry distinct messages. Clothing is probably the most obvious of the artifact communicators. It is almost like a substitute body, telling an observer something about who you are. Because you have made a choice about what to wear, it follows that this is the image you want to portray, this is the attitude you want to present about the type of person you are, and this is the way you want others to perceive you. Wearing something out of the mainstream can influence others’ reactions to you. Black trench coats were banned in many high schools after two students who went on a shooting rampage at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, were known to have worn such coats. In addition, some pressure has been put on academic administrators to limit clothing choices because wearing certain clothing indicates gang affiliation. 60 Communicating: A Social and Career Focus, Tenth Edition, by Roy M. Berko, Andrew D. Wolvin, and Darlyn R. Wolvin. Published by Allyn & Bacon. Copyright © 2007 by <strong>Pearson</strong> Education, Inc. 2009934667
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