Preparing for Death and Helping the Dying

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and deal with turbulent emotions. If the dying person is a family member or friend, we will have the additional challenge of having to deal with our attachments and expectations in relation to him or her. Although it is difficult, the best thing we can do is learn to let go of the person. Clinging to them is unrealistic, and will only cause more suffering for both of us. Again, remembering impermanence is the most effective remedy to attachment. GIVING HOPE AND FINDING FORGIVENESS Sogyal Rinpoche, in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (pps.212-213), says that two things that are very important in helping a dying person are giving hope and finding forgiveness. When dying, many people experience guilt, regret, depression or a sense of hopelessness. You can help them by allowing them to express their feelings, and by listening compassionately and non-judgementally. But encourage them to remember the good things they have done in their life, and to feel positive about the way they 26
have lived. Focus on their successes and virtues, not on their failings and wrongdoings. If they are open to the idea, remind them that their nature is basically pure and good (in Buddhism we call this “Buddha nature”) and that their faults and mistakes are transitory and removable, like dirt on a window. Some people may be concerned that their wrongdoings are so numerous and great that they could never be forgiven. If they believe in God or Buddha, assure them that the nature of God and Buddha is pure, unconditional love and compassion, so they always forgive whatever mistakes we make. If the person has no such belief, then what they need is to forgive themselves. You can help them to do this by encouraging them to express their heartfelt regret for their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. That is all they need to do. Remind them that whatever actions were done in the past are over and cannot be changed, so it’s best to let go of them. However, we can change from this moment on. If the person truly regrets her mistakes and wishes to transform herself, there is no reason she cannot find forgiveness. If there are specific people the person has harmed and who are still alive, encourage the person to express his regret and request forgiveness. 27
Page 1: Preparing for Death and Helping the
Page 4 and 5: CONTENTS Preface To The Revised Edi
Page 6 and 7: PREFACE TO THE REVISED EDITION This
Page 8 and 9: INTRODUCTION Death is a subject tha
Page 10 and 11: training and preparation, a peacefu
Page 12 and 13: the fear of death (because we tend
Page 14 and 15: And: 2 What is born will die What h
Page 16 and 17: turned to the Buddha, buried her ch
Page 18 and 19: die, for example, on an operating t
Page 20 and 21: may lead us to take birth in unfort
Page 22 and 23: 10 HOW TO PREPARE FOR DEATH THE FOU
Page 24 and 25: 12 “Every religious tradition emp
Page 26 and 27: death itself is one of the most eff
Page 28 and 29: 16 • keeping in mind an object of
Page 30 and 31: and making regular prayers for such
Page 32 and 33: correspond to the gradual dissoluti
Page 34 and 35: such as The Tibetan Book of the Dea
Page 36 and 37: Thus one of the most important skil
Page 40 and 41: 28 Sogyal Rinpoche says (p.213): Al
Page 42 and 43: ence, dedicating the merit of these
Page 44 and 45: their religious beliefs and practic
Page 46 and 47: have stopped breathing. Remember th
Page 48 and 49: spiritual instructions. Among the p
Page 50 and 51: 38 CONCLUSION I hope that the ideas
Page 52 and 53: dark smoke. It comes into your hear
Page 54 and 55: person you love whom you want to fo
Page 56 and 57: 44 NOTES 1. Gary Zukav, The Dancing
Page 58 and 59: 46 You never think of death’s app
Page 60 and 61: 48 Driven by the winds, swept by th
Page 62 and 63: 50 RECOMMENDED READING BUDDHIST TEA
Page 64 and 65: Dying. London: Papermac, 1988. Call
Page 66: 54 St Joseph’s Home & Hospice 921

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