Diverse Voices Quarterly Issue 1 & 2

“Think about what they wanted to do to Junior,” I told her.
She turned away.
“They wanted to pump his little body full of formaldehyde and seal him in a box
because nobody wants to go back into the earth. But we put him in the earth. I put him
where he belongs, Sarah. I put him where he belongs. People here take. All their lives they
take. Then when they die, they try to keep from giving even after they’re dead.”
Sarah looked at me again, her eyes swollen, and shook her head.
“I’m sorry,” I told her.
Sarah was still shaking her head. Huge tears were in her eyes. Her nose started to
run. She wiped her nose with her thumb and her eyes with the pads of her fingers.
“Why? Why are you sorry, Cal?”
“Because you’re crying. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong.”
“It’s where your passion is. You can’t hide where your passion is.”
“Sarah, I just…”
“Shh.” She laid her finger on my lips. “Don’t explain anymore. I understand. Believe
me.” I think she was laughing. “I understand.”
I stood up and crossed the room to get the tissues on Annie’s dresser. I brought them
to Sarah.
“It’s the way it is.” She took a tissue. “It’s the way you are.”
“I was just…”
Sarah nodded her head sympathetically.
“That’s not what I meant to say. I feel crazy, Sarah. When I’m on the mountain…”
“It’s about death, Cal.” She took my wrists and turned them so I could see the red
burn scars on my forearms and palms. “Not formaldehyde. It’s about loss. You don’t know
what to do about your dead son. It’s about Calvin. And it’s about you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know you love us. But I’m worried. I’m worried your passion for Junior is greater
than your passion for us.”
“What does that mean, Sarah?”
Diverse Voices Quarterly, Vol. 1, Issue 1 & 2
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