, I . " . , I • • • Only the words "yesterday!' and "tomor~ row" still kept some' meaning. There was a time, ......some months ago, when, cast adrift by certain circumstances, r tricked myself into believing in the existence of options. I imagined several roads-well-worn and !ess-travelled.by alike-diverging before me. That was, of course, .some months ago. Certain' other cir~ ·cU,mstances, however, or maybe even the same ones, have brought, me a littler further along · since the!:).on one black road which has per~ , . : mitted no divergence whatsoever.' And in this ,forbidding ho~el' in the West where I had nei~ ther name nor history and where my only ,expectation 'of the future rested on some dubi~ " ·ous assurance that things might and would be • • done in the morning, I found.all of the chqices '. , .'. " , . , in the worl(1 reduced to these: 1) If I chose to smoke,-Icould / leave the suffocating confines of my roo~, or 2) if.I chose to, I leave the room, I could not smoke. As choices go, I wouldn't have chosen these. I' .' I , As choices go, each carried its own restrictions. While .freedomf of movement might have seemed, on the face of it, . the more preferable of the twp, there wasn't much to see or , do in t1!e lobby- of a hotel in the West, in the middle of the night~ when all of the restaurants and shops and Stands were closed, and the guests were not coming and going. At least within the room I was free to smoke, to watch Marne on the pay-per-view channel, to read my own copy of Johnny Panic and, thtl Bible of Dreams or the hotel's complimentary copy of L'Etranger,to wait for the word some word, any word. But at one moment, long after I'd stopped hoping (or whatever I did that passed for hope, since that's not a com~ modity iI,lwhich I deal), the miraculous did, in fact, occur. At ·some moment when' I was once more lost in contemplation -'- . of Camus' "terrifying picture of a man victimized by life itself' , (according to the jacket blurb), the sun came up. And as - . soon as' the sun· came up,. the clock started running, and the , "'"", - telephone rang, and I'answered iminediately. An electronical- \ ly altered voice identifi,ed itself as ."Julian," the person whose request had brought me to this place. He said that he would meet me in the .lobby in exactly one bour. He said for me to" be on time. I asked how Iwould recognize him.! ·..i'If you wear the hat," he said, "I will recognize you." And when he hung up, I experienced a thrilling libera- . ~ tion, a relief that; whatever this dark journey had been' about, ·it was Igoing to reach its culmination. Suddenly charged with • . .anticipation, I took a shower: and began to dress. While I was barely able ~o suppreSs' my eagerness, I took special care in ·my preparations, because the gradual erosion of possibilities had turned this moment into one of great significance on ; • - ·which everything in the world w~s hung. Whatever it was \ . '-. - SO OUTWEEK Novern_r 211,11_ • • • rille • .'I , I • \ • Julian needed to see me about, once tbe . I • matter was concluded in whatever way, I'd be free at last to leave the hotel, to board the next train back east, to resume my life in Manhattan just as I'd left it. Then I broke the seal on the hatbox and my heart stopped when I discovered that the box was empty. From the time Johann had' given it to me, at the height of the summer~fudge wars last August, I'd never looked inside the box. Had it , perhaps always been empty or had somebody"takendhe hat? And if so, when? In Manha~? On the seemingly deserted train? Here in the hotel in the West? And why? The dread I thought that I I'd shaken gripped me .once 3gain. There had, after all, been harsh words from Johann when he found out that I'd eaten that candy I was instructed to bring along; What would Julian have to say about the hat? Just then', the appointed hour struck, and bells rang Ominously in ,. the church tower across the street. Bare~headed and frightened, I went into the hallway. At me same t~e, all the othe~ hotel guests came surging out of their rooms. In one great, an;,qous crowd we converged OR the elevator bank one man ~patiently pressing the down button as though that would bring the elevator faster-but . . each car that arrived was filled to capacity. I joined several others racing"Q.ownthe stairwell, ,and we poured out into. the teeming lobby. I pushed toward the center of this frantic melee and hoped that Julian could somehow find me. Every~ body seemed to be meeting somebody, joyously embracing and hunying off arm in arm. ,It went on like that for hours. Sometime close to noon, the lobby was fmally empty except for a couple of bellhops and myself, and sinkingly I realiz€;d that the assignation was not going to happen. The desk clerk said that there were no messages in my box. The newsstand was sold out of papers. The restaurant was closed between breakfast and lunch. I could either smoke or go back to my room. I went back to . my room and stared at the empty hatbox. Only the words 'Yes~ terday" and "tomorrow" sttll kept some meaning, wrote Camus. Today, on the other hand, was still quite elusive. T (AN YOU star 11t FlIrU/Z€: ' • ---'"- ,,,,-- & ~~IAN~ by Kris Kovick I • - , I . \ , \ , \ . ' ,
\ • I. • • • • \ ~ • • '. , UT ON·TH ITH .... I I I , - ; 'DNEY- It started off great. Five minutes SY , , I . . _ before we left the house, you started tessential LizTracey experience. whO()plng your cookies in the bathroom. I thought I'd have . A week or so later, our fearless duo sbcJws.up someto go out alon~ and would never make It back. - No more bad Chinese food for me. I was just LIZ . • .afraid we wouldn't get a cab. where perbaps equally as frigbtenenin8"-tbe Mr. spike Contest at tbat bastion of bypermasculinityof the same name. , .(The emcee announces tbat tbere is no contestant number- Sydneya Everybody ""ho stayed in said, ·Oh, you can six. HB is /atB.) , \ I never g~t a cab on Halloween.- Sydney. DamnlThey sure are picky. "Those tardy will • LIz. We got one to Palladium, and boy, was it mobbed. Sydney., That's what, happens when door people' 'not receive fruit tup."S If this were a hOUsc;lball, We'd.'still be waiting....· " - " spend all their time schmoozing. . . . . . Uza Oh look, they have a ,sign interpreter. LIz. That poor man who, ci()esClub MTV's fashion tips' Sydsteyl That's very 'concious of them.' But I need a couldn't g~t in. ' . hankie' interpreter. What does', a black hankie on the left Sydney. Please! He was nasty and pushed every- 'mean? Why did f!veryone,~ems shocked at that brown one? body out, of his way. The, se.cut:\ty people, fi.n~Uybad JO' Uza Well, if you wea~ it on your left, it means, .. let him in! • Witbout]ull_, You're Notbing. -1 Then you A witty leatherman: Must be ladies'.night. walked In the door and hit all these TV cameras filmingSydneyl Very,funny. Go away before I spray you with Suzanne Bartsch2 • . . . , • and c~mpany doing, her makeup in my perfume; , the front lobby.· " . Uza At least you don't have three men following you . LI7.: It ~ a derncilstration of the truth behind the illusion. around, saying "Hey, guy, how's it hanging?" (It doesn't, Sydneya Oh, excuse me. I didn't realize it was high Get it, buster?) • thealer ...sorry. It's nOt just a' Halloween party. It's a dramat- I Syncley: What ate they being judged 'on? Best phone- Ie experience. . .- ' . '\
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