Issue Three

The price of admission to their club is an
answer to a question. The question is
whispered to the candidate at the
beginning of the evening. After dinner,
when the coffee is being poured, he is
obliged to answer. The men converse
quietly; anticipating that they will have to
stop talking soon to give the young man
the floor. He’s standing next to the sofa.
He’s very chilly and regrets not having
chosen a spot next to the fireplace, if for
nothing else, to add some color to the
story. “Ok, it’s now or never,” he says to
himself as he takes a deep breath. The
custom is to repeat the question to the
group and begin. He clears his throat
and looks around the room, making eye
contact with a few members but ignoring
most.
“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever
seen?”
“I’ll tell you the worst thing I’ve ever
seen and along the way I’ll also confess
to the worst thing I’ve ever done.” He
pauses to collect his thoughts and
begins.
The summer was hot and boring. I am
an only child, and so I was always left to
my own devices. My father worked and
was never around. Although my mother
didn’t work, I don’t remember her at all
through that summer. It’s as though she
disappeared until the day when much to
my surprise, both my parents appeared
to tell me that we were moving. I was
eight.
There was a handful of kids my age on
our street that would typically come by
my house in the morning. One would
look through the screen door to see me
sitting on the couch watching TV. After
he could see my mother wasn’t in the
room, he would say, “Hey pussy, ready
to go?”
“Yeah, fucker – give me a sec,” I would
respond.
I’d put on my shoes and let myself out
the back door to get my bike. I would
ride it to the front of the house, joining
the small group of boys, and we’d start
our day.
One morning late in the summer we set
out but didn’t stick to our normal route. I
yelled to ask where we were headed.
No one answered so I yelled again; this
time making sure my voice was louder
than the wind in our ears and
punctuating the sentence with a curse
word. David, who was just ahead of me,
turned his head very quickly and yelled,
“You’ll see!” Then turned and yelled