JGA July-August 09 - The Jewish Georgian

Page 42 THE JEWISH GEORGIAN July-August 2009
Jewish Marriage Initiative encourages happy families
By Shoshana Cenker
A
s attendees gathered for the first
Jewish Marriage Initiative (JMI)
event, June 9, at Congregation B’nai
Torah, they were greeted by the band Tevya,
which played such fitting tunes as “Sunrise
Sunset” and “Love and Marriage.”
The Jewish Marriage Initiative is a new
marriage education and enrichment organization
that focuses on delivering the message of
shalom bayit (literally, peace at home) or
domestic tranquility.
“JMI is devoted to empowering relationships
with timeless Jewish wisdom and modern
psychology,” said Rabbi Mordechai
Pollack, JMI’s associate director. “This
organization was designed and developed to
teach the skills needed to better relationships.”
At this forum, entitled “Happy
Relationships…The Foundation of Life,” a
diverse panel—a senator, a Jewish educator, a
rabbi, and a psychologist—presented valuable
tools to help take relationships from
good to great.
Georgia State Senate Minority Whip
David Adelman opened the discussion with a
startling statistic. “Georgia leads the nation in
the number of high school dropouts,” he said.
“Fifty percent do not graduate on schedule, a
tragically high rate.”
But what does that have to do with
healthy marriages? “Some of the failure in
education is failure of happy families,”
explained Senator Adelman.
“You can increase the likelihood
that your children will
have a happy family if you
have a happy family.”
Senator Adelman
acknowledged the pressures
put on the modern family—
the pull of career, community,
and civic obligations; the
needs of children and family—and
offered suggestions
on easing the pressure.
“Involving your extended
family is critical to making a
good family great,” said
Senator Adelman. “When
families live within close
proximity, families are better.”
Next up on the panel was Epstein School
Associate Head Roz Cohen, who just celebrated
her 45th wedding anniversary.
Mrs. Cohen challenged audience members
to take responsibility in their relationships.
“A husband is not responsible for his
wife’s happiness; the wife has the power to
do for herself, and the husband can help.
Don’t expect all the gaps to be filled by
someone else,” said Cohen. “Focus on what
is, rather that what isn’t. Appreciate what you
do have, and know that differences are okay.”
Mrs. Cohen expressed the importance of
being a good listener and asking the right
questions. “It’s essential to make time to
share ideas. Don’t assume we know what
people want or need—you
must verbalize. Your
spouse wants to make you
happy, so tell him or her
how,” said Cohen. “Think
about what you say before
you say it, and know that
how you react is very
important. We don’t want
to make a mistake in how
we communicate. It takes
ten compliments to make
up for just one insult.”
Rabbi David
Silverman addressed the
crowd next with an interjection
of Torah: ‘It is not
good for man to be alone,
I will make a helpmate to oppose him.”
“We learn from this that G-d was showing
Adam that we must make room for others,”
explained Rabbi Silverman. “G-d also
introduced conflict in a controlled area.
Conflict is the best thing for change and
growth—conflict creates the opportunity to
become better. We must embrace differences,
hope for resolution, and know that through
challenges, there is self-discovery. A partnership
is about giving to others; giving creates
a profound sense of love.”
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr.
Aaron Feldman rounded out the panel presentations
by reminding the audience that to
build and sustain a healthy relationship,
“Each partner must be committed to meeting
Dr. Aaron Feldman
the needs of their spouse.”
Dr. Feldman spoke about The Five Love
Languages as described in the book of the
same name by Dr. Gary Chapman. “How we
feel loved is different to everyone—identify
what makes you feel loved and what makes
your spouse feel loved,” said Dr. Feldman.
The five love languages are:
• Words of Affirmation—expressing
appreciation verbally.
• Quality Time—expressing love with
the gift of time.
• Receiving Gifts—notes, favorite flowers,
etc.
• Acts of Service—making life easier for
your spouse by anticipating your spouse’s
needs and stepping in.
• Physical Touch—hugging, giving
shoulder rubs, holding hands.
“To find which love language is yours,
ask: when you want to show love, what’s
your first instinct? Then ask what your
spouse would like,” said Dr. Feldman.
“Know that your love language may be different
from your spouse’s.”
The dynamic panel concluded the forum
with audience questions. Mrs. Cohen ended
with the words, “There is no magic to making
relationships work; it’s a job every day.
Respect and love each other, and focus on
pleasing your spouse.”
“JMI is the beginning of something very
special,” added Senator Adelman.
“Remember, the journey of 1,000 miles
begins with one step.”