Page 42 THE JEWISH GEORGIAN <strong>July</strong>-<strong>August</strong> 20<strong>09</strong> <strong>Jewish</strong> Marriage Initiative encourages happy families By Shoshana Cenker A s attendees gathered for the first <strong>Jewish</strong> Marriage Initiative (JMI) event, June 9, at Congregation B’nai Torah, they were greeted by the band Tevya, which played such fitting tunes as “Sunrise Sunset” and “Love and Marriage.” <strong>The</strong> <strong>Jewish</strong> Marriage Initiative is a new marriage education and enrichment organization that focuses on delivering the message of shalom bayit (literally, peace at home) or domestic tranquility. “JMI is devoted to empowering relationships with timeless <strong>Jewish</strong> wisdom and modern psychology,” said Rabbi Mordechai Pollack, JMI’s associate director. “This organization was designed and developed to teach the skills needed to better relationships.” At this forum, entitled “Happy Relationships…<strong>The</strong> Foundation of Life,” a diverse panel—a senator, a <strong>Jewish</strong> educator, a rabbi, and a psychologist—presented valuable tools to help take relationships from good to great. Georgia State Senate Minority Whip David Adelman opened the discussion with a startling statistic. “Georgia leads the nation in the number of high school dropouts,” he said. “Fifty percent do not graduate on schedule, a tragically high rate.” But what does that have to do with healthy marriages? “Some of the failure in education is failure of happy families,” explained Senator Adelman. “You can increase the likelihood that your children will have a happy family if you have a happy family.” Senator Adelman acknowledged the pressures put on the modern family— the pull of career, community, and civic obligations; the needs of children and family—and offered suggestions on easing the pressure. “Involving your extended family is critical to making a good family great,” said Senator Adelman. “When families live within close proximity, families are better.” Next up on the panel was Epstein School Associate Head Roz Cohen, who just celebrated her 45th wedding anniversary. Mrs. Cohen challenged audience members to take responsibility in their relationships. “A husband is not responsible for his wife’s happiness; the wife has the power to do for herself, and the husband can help. Don’t expect all the gaps to be filled by someone else,” said Cohen. “Focus on what is, rather that what isn’t. Appreciate what you do have, and know that differences are okay.” Mrs. Cohen expressed the importance of being a good listener and asking the right questions. “It’s essential to make time to share ideas. Don’t assume we know what people want or need—you must verbalize. Your spouse wants to make you happy, so tell him or her how,” said Cohen. “Think about what you say before you say it, and know that how you react is very important. We don’t want to make a mistake in how we communicate. It takes ten compliments to make up for just one insult.” Rabbi David Silverman addressed the crowd next with an interjection of Torah: ‘It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helpmate to oppose him.” “We learn from this that G-d was showing Adam that we must make room for others,” explained Rabbi Silverman. “G-d also introduced conflict in a controlled area. Conflict is the best thing for change and growth—conflict creates the opportunity to become better. We must embrace differences, hope for resolution, and know that through challenges, there is self-discovery. A partnership is about giving to others; giving creates a profound sense of love.” Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr. Aaron Feldman rounded out the panel presentations by reminding the audience that to build and sustain a healthy relationship, “Each partner must be committed to meeting Dr. Aaron Feldman the needs of their spouse.” Dr. Feldman spoke about <strong>The</strong> Five Love Languages as described in the book of the same name by Dr. Gary Chapman. “How we feel loved is different to everyone—identify what makes you feel loved and what makes your spouse feel loved,” said Dr. Feldman. <strong>The</strong> five love languages are: • Words of Affirmation—expressing appreciation verbally. • Quality Time—expressing love with the gift of time. • Receiving Gifts—notes, favorite flowers, etc. • Acts of Service—making life easier for your spouse by anticipating your spouse’s needs and stepping in. • Physical Touch—hugging, giving shoulder rubs, holding hands. “To find which love language is yours, ask: when you want to show love, what’s your first instinct? <strong>The</strong>n ask what your spouse would like,” said Dr. Feldman. “Know that your love language may be different from your spouse’s.” <strong>The</strong> dynamic panel concluded the forum with audience questions. Mrs. Cohen ended with the words, “<strong>The</strong>re is no magic to making relationships work; it’s a job every day. Respect and love each other, and focus on pleasing your spouse.” “JMI is the beginning of something very special,” added Senator Adelman. “Remember, the journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step.”
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