THE PROVIDENCE OF GOD IN MARRIAGE A Personal Testimony

THE PROVIDENCE OF GOD
IN MARRIAGE
A Personal Testimony
28 the COUNSEL of CHALCEDON
Ernie Zenone, Sr., a member of Stratford Orthodox Presbyterian Church
Living in a spiritually divided marriage is a
challenge. I came to faith after leaving Jehovah’s
Witnesses but my wife remains in that “religion.”
No matter what our circumstances are in our
marriage, we are called upon to be obedient to
God’s law, as in all of life.
The question is “Do you really believe that
marriage is a ‘calling’?” That is something to think
about. Have you ever thought of your marriage as a
calling? Too often it seems, we fail to connect our
circumstances in our marriages, divided or not, to
God’s Providence. And what do we mean by God’s
Providence? The Westminster Confession of Faith
beautifully defines and describes it Chapter V,
Par. 1:
“God, the great Creator of all things, doth
uphold, direct, dispose, and governs all creatures,
actions, and things, from the greatest even to
the least, by his wise and most holy providence,
according to his infallible foreknowledge, and the
free and immutable counsel of his own will, to the
praise of the glory of his wisdom, power, justice,
goodness, and mercy.”
Question 11 of the Shorter Catechism asks,
“What are God’s works of providence?” “A. God’s
works of providence are, his most holy, wise, and
powerful preserving and governing all his creatures,
and all their actions.”
It is sad that we sometimes forget this
foundational truth of God’s Word. In our Reformed
faith, we are taught to believe this while many other
Christians do not see God’s sovereign providence
governing much of anything. Life for most people
is viewed as subject to “chance,” luck, even by
many Christians. But even we who are Reformed,
must still ask ourselves, when it comes to marriage:
Do I look at my marriage as providential, that
is, ordained by God? If so, we would conclude,
then, that God governs the circumstances of our
marriage. Willem Teelinek in his book, “The Path
of True Godliness,” writes:
“…a godly person must be content to be
whatever God wants him to be, whether rich or
poor, sick, healthy, honored, insulted, rejected, or
privileged. He must be willing to be tall or short
of stature, strong or weak in faith, free or full of
temptation- all according to what God considers
best.”(pp. 40, 41)
Will we react to these things as some did when
they heard Jesus teach about ‘eating his flesh and
drinking his blood’? “This is an hard saying; who
can hear it?” (John 6:60) Jesus answered them:
“Does this offend you?” (John 6:61). Isn’t it true
that we often learn more about ourselves when
we react negatively to some things in the Bible?
I would say this is especially true with personal
matters, and in particular, with our calling of
marriage. Where I work, I hear, as you probably do,
of so many that have left their girlfriends or spouses
over an endless list of reasons. But, it seems to me
that it usually boils down to one overriding reason:
“Personal happiness.”

We live in a time when those who are supposed
to minister faithfully the Word of God have
exchanged the gospel for another gospel: the
gospel of personal happiness. Self becomes the
most important gauge in life. I have even heard a
Christian say to me when he told me he was leaving
his wife: “God doesn’t want me to be unhappy!”
Personal happiness is the gospel of many, and to
their unending sorrow. That’s why even Christians
will also seek out a church which appeals to them
for reasons that promote their personal happiness.
There are endless books by professing Christians
dealing with this topic. It sells a lot of books! Who
wants to hear the words: “Except ye repent, ye
shall likewise perish” – Luke 13:3. We need to be
ever repenting. We need to be ever reforming. We
never have finally ‘made it’ even when we are in a
faithful church. We can never take this for granted.
Without God’s grace we become worse Pharisees
than we are by sinful human nature. (Remember the
Corinthian church in Paul’s letters?)
My own experience in over 43 years of marriage
to a dear wife who is not a believer has taught me
these things. Not at first; not for many years. Only
by God’s mercy and grace have I learned to accept
my own calling in a divided marriage. Yet, I have
seen powerful reactions among other Christians
who are encouraged by my circumstances. I could
go to church and wallow in my sorrow over how
things are with my marriage, but I dearly love my
wife. I have been forgiven all of my many sins.
How can I look at her, or anyone, and say: “Well,
I am not too happy about all this, and so I have a
good reason not to love you”. Or worse, “I have a
good reason for leaving: I want to be happy!”
We must search our own hearts, dear friend. I
can only judge myself and try to convey to you
what I have seen and learned. It is clear that one
of the most scandalous sins among Christians is
the readiness to leave and divorce their spouses
“for every cause” – Matthew 19:3. There is no
commandment: “Thou shalt not be unhappy”! Our
lives as Christians are often full of sorrow and
tears, as we journey to Mt. Zion. How many ‘Hill
Difficulties’ have there already been, and will yet
Ernie Zenone, Sr.
be for us to climb? Perhaps our ‘Hill Difficulty’ is
our marriage. It may be our job or even our church.
That is not to say that there are not duties and
responsibilities we have toward our work or church
which may make them better. How many people
leave a church because they are not “happy” in the
one in which they are a member of? We become as
‘wanderers in the desert’ looking for that elusive
mirage of cool water.
We need no mirages. We have living water in
Christ. Is Christ our joy? If the Christian teaching
of finding joy in the Lord Jesus Christ is real and
indeed no mirage, then is it not true that He should
be our joy in all circumstances? Perhaps we need
to look at our persecuted brethren in the world
right now who suffer horrific circumstances for
Christ. Have you read the “Voice of the Martyrs”
which reports on what is happening to many of our
brothers and sisters in Christ in many parts of the
world right now?
In summary, we who are married to unbelieving
spouses live in a calling in which we must love
them and be our Lord’s witness to them by our
lives, not just by our words. It may be with me, or
you, that our unsaved loved ones may not be saved
until after we go to be with the Lord. Or, it may
be that it is not the Lord’s sovereign will that they
be saved at all. Salvation is His alone to give to
whomsoever He will. (Read Romans 9)
This is my purpose in this article, to write about
my own calling, and yours, from the standpoint
of God’s Providence in all things, and in all
circumstances. While this is certainly true, we also
must take care to comfort and encourage others
who are in these circumstances. We do not want to
be cold hearted and just ignore the trials involved,
such as temptations to sexual sins. We need to pray
for one another. Pastors and elders can especially
say ‘a word of encouragement’ and also pray, if it is
His will, that God would save our unsaved spouses.
But, we need to hear this! We need to know that
others are praying for us to continue in faithfulness
to God and to the one we married and vowed to
keep! Some of God’s people have rebelled against
the COUNSEL of CHALCEDON 29

God in marrying an unbeliever in the first place.
There are always repercussions when we disobey.
But, we can and must ask God’s forgiveness, repent,
and begin to accept that providential calling. Others,
like myself, were married when both my wife and
I were unsaved. In either circumstance, we need to
be obedient to the Lord who is our sovereign Savior
and King. We will only add sorrow to our lives if
we seek to get out of an unwanted and unhappy
marriage. Thomas Watson said,
“There are two things, which I have always
looked upon as difficult. The one is, to make the
wicked sad; and the other is, to make the godly
joyful.Dejection in the godly arises from a double
spring; either their inward comforts are darkened,
or their outward comforts are disturbed”. -“A
Puritan Golden Treasury” (Banner of Truth Trust)
Regardless of whether we were saved or unsaved
at the time we married, we are now called to be
obedient no matter the difficulty. Our lives can be a
wonderful witness to other believers who have their
own struggles, even in a marriage where both are
believers. We do not live on an island. What we say
30 the COUNSEL of CHALCEDON
and do has great affects on others, for good or bad.
May God give us grace to bring glory to Him by our
faithfulness even in a divided marriage. May our
goal be, not our personal happiness, but finding joy
in our Lord Jesus, regardless of our circumstances,
“for the joy of the Lord is your strength”
– Nehemiah 8:10.
“Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and
doeth it not, to him it is sin” – James 4:17.
“And let us consider one another to provoke
unto love and to good works” - Hebrews
10:24.
“Q1: What is the chief end of man?“A:
Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and
to enjoy him for ever. (1 Corinthians
10:31, Psalm 73:25)” –From The Shorter
Catechism with Scripture Proofs.
Ernie Zenone
Many people have come to believe and even well-intentioned Christians have pushed the idea that “Prayer Works”! But
the only God who is there, who hears prayer, and is able to answer prayer, is the God of the Bible, the God and Father of
our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, prayer, even as a sincere religious or “scientific” exercise is not going to “work.”
To go one step further, we must not say as Christians that “Prayer works.” Prayer doesn’t work; God works! And God
works in answer to prayers when they are offered in the name of His Son for His glory and according to His will.
I’m sure you are familiar with these well used verses.
The Providence of God In Marriage
From the Editor - Continued
Jn 14:13-14, Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me
anything in my name, I will do it.
Jn 15:7, If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
1 Jn 5:14, And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.
John 14:13-14 was spoken in the context of Jesus farewell address to His apostles. He was assuring them that after His
departure, the work which he had begun would continue through them (Acts 1:1ff). They would do greater works than
He had done because He was going to the Father and was going to authoritatively ask the Father to give them another
“Helper,” the Holy Spirit, John 14:16-17, whose task is to glorify and complete the work of Christ in redeeming His people.
So this “Prayer Promise” was no open ended, blank check, if you just “believe,” and ask “in Jesus name,” you will get what
you ask for. We ask in Jesus “name” because it is His work and mission that we are to pursue and desire and accomplish,
not our own. And His purpose and practice was to do the will of His Father and to glorify Him, John 17:2, 4. So, of course
“Prayer Doesn’t Work.” But God works in answer to prayer, prayed in the name of His Son, to do and provide whatever will
accomplish His will, His purposes, and His glory.