April 2013 - Thunder Roads Texas Motorcycle Magazine
April 2013 - Thunder Roads Texas Motorcycle Magazine
April 2013 - Thunder Roads Texas Motorcycle Magazine
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headed to a bar for drinks. I wanted to go, so they threw me<br />
on the back and I haven’t gotten off the bike since.<br />
HD: What is it like being an animal in the sport of<br />
motorcycling that is dominated by humans?<br />
Pig: Who are you calling an animal?<br />
HD: Well, some of the girls at the bar say you can be a<br />
real anim…, oh wait, that’s another story! Let me rephrase<br />
the question: What is it like being you in a sport dominated<br />
by humans?<br />
Pig: Hmmm… Well ya know what Doc? It’s like this.<br />
Bikers accept me for who I am, no one tries to change me<br />
and no one gets hurt.<br />
HD: What do you say to friends who, for the first time, find<br />
out you are a biker?<br />
Pig: Relax baby, this won’t hurt a bit.<br />
HD: What was the best time you’ve ever had that you<br />
don’t remember? That is, what was the best time you’ve<br />
ever had when you’d had a few too many?<br />
Pig: Well Doc that would be the time I was arrested at the<br />
strip club for trying to order a fish taco.<br />
HD: Do you have a favorite charity or charitable event?<br />
Pig: Now Doc, I try to help them all as much as I can. But<br />
if I had to pick a favorite I would say it would be the Save<br />
the Ta-Ta’s charity.<br />
HD: How did you get starting writing?<br />
Pig: It was Rainman’s idea. He wanted me to do<br />
something else with my time instead of sitting around the<br />
house all day drinking his beer.<br />
HD: Tell us how you happened to get in good with our<br />
editors, Shelly and Bob. What was it like the first time you<br />
<strong>Texas</strong>-based, <strong>Texas</strong>-focused, <strong>Texas</strong> PROUD!<br />
saw your name on a <strong>Thunder</strong> <strong>Roads</strong> <strong>Texas</strong> article?<br />
Pig: Ha, ha, ha, Bob was easy, a 12-pack of beer and I<br />
was in. And Shelly, wellll let’s just say I smoothed her over<br />
with my boyish charms. The first time I saw my name in<br />
<strong>Thunder</strong> <strong>Roads</strong> I shouted WOO-HOO LET’S PARTY.<br />
HD: If you could have lunch with anyone living or dead,<br />
who would it be?<br />
Pig: I thought long and hard on this one Doc and I have<br />
two answers. I would have to say my first choice would<br />
be Outlaw Dave, because I would just love to be on his<br />
show. He always has the hottest chicks hanging around.<br />
My second choice would be Rachael Ray, cause that broad<br />
knows how to cook.<br />
HD: Any girlfriends?<br />
Pig: Too many to count and if I did count them all it would<br />
just make you jealous.<br />
HD: I noticed that you close each article with “Ride<br />
HARD or Stay Home”. Why is that?<br />
Pig: Dude, if I have to explain that to you, you need to go<br />
home and ask your wife.<br />
HD: I see that you like to use quotes in your writing. What<br />
quote is your favorite?<br />
Pig: Ahhhh that would be “The famous last words of<br />
a biker: WATCH THIS!!!” By the way, did you know that<br />
I wrote a quote of my own? Here goes. Titties and beer,<br />
Titties and beer, this Pig loves titties and beer.<br />
HD: I’m guessing that wet T-shirt contests might be your<br />
favorite full-contact sport then, eh?<br />
Pig: You could say I like to be in the middle of things like<br />
that, yes.<br />
HD: Pig, you have mentioned a cousin Wilbur. Who is he?<br />
Pig: Wilbur is my low life, POS, pink trash, sorry ass<br />
excuse of a relative from my mother’s side of a cousin. The<br />
lousy SOB owes me money. He is so rotten he is not even<br />
worth BARBECUING! He ain’t no damn good!<br />
HD: What disappoints you the most, other than Wilbur?<br />
Pig: Well Doc, that would be three things: 1)Running out<br />
of beer, 2) Married women, and 3) People who think eating<br />
bacon is cool.<br />
HD: What are some of your dreams for the future?<br />
Pig: Having my own brand of beer (PIG BEER for<br />
everyone) and working for the FBI.<br />
HD: Really. You would want to work for the FBI?<br />
Pig: Yep… I would just love to be a Female Body<br />
Inspector.<br />
HD: Last question, just between the two of us,<br />
what do you really think about Rainman?<br />
Pig: Doc, you will never find a better friend, the<br />
man has given me the shirt off his back. I just<br />
wish he would get rid of that stupid shit eating<br />
grin of his.<br />
There you have it, folks, straight from the horse’s,<br />
errrr, the Pig’s mouth. Send us your thoughts<br />
and comments. For now, he’s good to go, but we<br />
should all continue to be watchful. I ask that you,<br />
our faithful readers, take Pig out on the town as<br />
often as possible. He needs constant support and a beer<br />
or two with friends every few days to keep his spirit alive.<br />
After all, a pig who is depressed is a terrible thing! Or is<br />
that, a wasted pig is a terrible thing? Hmmmm, so many<br />
questions, so little time.<br />
<br />
<strong>April</strong> <strong>2013</strong> H Page 41
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