April 2013 - Thunder Roads Texas Motorcycle Magazine

“You know, I’m beginning to think this contest is rigged.”
“No way,” replied Buster. “My wife won three times last
week.”
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a
Gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There
was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in
attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major
for conversation.
“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very
serious man. Is something bothering you?” “Negative,
ma’am. Just serious by nature.”
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and
said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”
“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation,
said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy
yourself.” The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his
serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “You know, I
hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last
time you had sex?”
“1955, ma’am.”
“Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really
need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!” She took his
hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to
“relax” him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare
chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since
1955.”
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, “I hope
not; it’s only 2130 now.”
Texas-based, Texas-focused, Texas PROUD!
A lawyer and a biker are sitting next to each other on a long
flight. The lawyer is thinking all bikers are so dumb that he
could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the
biker would like to play a fun game. The biker is tired and
just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries
to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the
game is a lot of fun.
“I ask you a question and if you don’t know the answer, you
pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know
the answer, I will pay you $500,” he says.
This catches the biker’s attention and, to keep the lawyer
quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first
question. “What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?”
The biker doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket,
pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it’s the biker’s turn. He asks the lawyer, “What goes
up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?” The
lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find
on the internet. He sends emails to all the smart friends he
knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally
gives up. He wakes the biker and hands him $500. The
biker pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes
the biker again and asks, “Well, so what goes up a hill with
three legs and comes down with four?” The biker reaches
into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to
sleep.
Two women were walking home after a girls’ night out and
they felt the need to pee. So passing a graveyard, they
decided to answer the call of nature. Of course they have
no toilet paper. So the first one uses her knickers and then
throws them away. The other woman spots a ribbon on a
wreath and pulls it off and uses that.
The next day, their husbands are talking and one says to
the other, “You know we need to watch our wives when they
go out for their nights out. My wife came home last night
without her knickers.
“You think that’s bad,” said the other husband;”Mine had a
card stuck to her butt that said ‘from all the guys at the fire
station – we’ll miss you’!”
A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-
4 and Psalms 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the
following letter to the IRS:
I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on
my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have
enclosed a check for $150.
Sincerely,
Taxpayer
PS If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest
A couple thoughts on income taxes...
“Two things you need to know about taxes. They’ve
extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your
check, just make it out to China.” –David Letterman
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their
money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send
their money to the Cayman Islands.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“It’s fitting that April 14 is National Pecan Day because
today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we
pay our taxes to support them.” -Craig Ferguson
April 2013 H Page 49