Jodie Evans

Vox Populist Jim Hightower
Perry Tales
It’s bedtime, children,
so put on your jammies,
scootch under the
covers, and I’ll tell you
another story about the
Texas governor.
He is flitting hither, thither, and
yon—spreading little Perry tales
about his record so that he can get to
the White House. It’s a bit of a
strange quest, because he calls the
capitol city “a seedy place,” and he
tells the commoners that he hates—
nay, deeply loathes!—the
very government that he
wants to head. With his tea
party hat carefully positioned
atop his bounteous
crop of hair, Prince Rick
warns the commoners that
big government is bad, bad,
bad—because it intrudes
into their lives, forcing
things like Social Security
and Medicare on them.
This prancer would not
be where he is, though,
without the steady “intrusion”
of big government into
his life. From first grade
through college, his education
was paid for by local,
state, and federal taxpayers.
He was even a cheerleader
for the government-run college
he attended. And, as
cotton farmers, he and his family
were supported with tens of thousands
of dollars in crop subsidies
from the pockets of national taxpayers—a
big government “intrusion”
into his pocketbook.
Then, after a brief stint in the federal
government’s Air Force, the per-
Jim Hightower produces The Hightower
Lowdown newsletter and is the
author, with Susan DeMarco, of
“Swim Against the Current: Even a
Dead Fish Can Go with the Flow.”
46 u November 2011
fidious prince hit the mother load of
government largesse: political office.
He’s been hunkered down there for
twenty-seven years and counting. In
addition to drawing more than a
quarter-century’s worth of monthly
paychecks from Texas taxpayers,
including $150,000 a year as governor,
Perry also receives full health
coverage and a generous pension
from the state. Wait, there’s more: He
gets $10,000 a month to cover the
rent on a luxury suburban home, a
JEM SULLIVAN
flock of personal aides, and even a
state-paid subscription to Food &
Wine magazine.
So, children, ignore Perry’s talk—
and look at what he actually does.
When he says he intends to make
government “as inconsequential as
possible,” he means in your life, not
his.
Now, Perry is sprinkling fresh
fairy dust across the land in an effort
to soften his earlier screed against
America’s Social Security program.
During the past couple of years, in
the heat of his lusty romance of the
rowdy tea party crowd, Perry wooed
and wowed those who hate government
by offering passionate denunciations
of Social Security as a “Ponzi
scheme,” a “monstrous lie,” and a
“failure.” The national retirement
program, he thundered, violates the
Constitution’s “principles of federalism
and limited government.” His
unequivocal message was: Kill it!
But—oops—now in hot pursuit
of the GOP presidential nomination,
he’s learned that even most
Republicans wince at his
macho wackiness. A CNN
poll in August finds that 57
percent of Republicans want
no major changes in Social
Security. Why? Because,
despite the Ponzi-scheme
Perry Tale, it works.
So, the red-meat tea
partier who had savaged the
program has suddenly
turned into a senior-hugger,
offering a revised, gentler
Perry Tale. In this one, he
never, ever meant to abolish
Social Security. Nay, Perry
now says with a pixie twinkle,
he only wants to stimulate
“a legitimate conversation
in this country about
how to fix that program.”
If you’re not sure what
“fix” means, ask your dog.
Perry might heed the blunt words
of another Republican, who was
twice elected to the White House,
Dwight Eisenhower: “Should any
political party attempt to abolish
Social Security . . . you would not
hear of that party again in our political
history. There is a tiny splinter
group, of course, that believes you
can. . . . Their number is negligible,
and they are stupid.”
Until our next Perry Tale, goodnight
children, and sweet dreams. u