The Impact of Relationship on Death Related Grief on Yoruba ...

Ozean Journal <strong>of</strong> Social Sciences 5(2), 2012
behavioural commitment or an emotional commitment. A behavioural commitment is related to the role that the
deceased played in the bereaved’s life and vice versa. If the deceased husband was seriously dependent on his
surviving wife to meet his daily needs the bereaved widow may feel a great emptiness in her life, not only because <strong>of</strong>
emotional commitment to her husband but also because <strong>of</strong> the many hours in her day that she no longer fills with
tasks performed to take care <strong>of</strong> him. <strong>The</strong> loss is in form or role lost and object loss.
<strong>The</strong> death <strong>of</strong> a person who held a peripheral role in the survivor’s life is likely to trigger a less intense grief reaction
than one who held a central role when looking at severed relationship and its effect on the grief response one must
look beyond the centrality <strong>of</strong> the relationship in behavioural terms to the quality <strong>of</strong> the relationship and its centrality
in emotional terms (Rubin 1985, Wortman and Silverman, 1987). <strong>The</strong> death <strong>of</strong> someone who was regarded as an
intimate, a confidant, and a major source <strong>of</strong> support has a much greater impact than the death <strong>of</strong> someone who may
have spent much time with the survivor but was never emotionally close for example a person at work who is a mere
acquaintance rather than a close friend.
In the other sense if the bereaved perceive themselves to be similar to the deceased they may experience more grief
than those who perceive little similarity. Barnes (1978) noted that children whose same sex parent has died <strong>of</strong>ten
view themselves as particularly vulnerable to death. <strong>The</strong>se children may need special help differentiating themselves
from the deceased. Children whose siblings have dies may also feel vulnerable because <strong>of</strong> the perceived similarity in
their age.
<strong>The</strong> significance <strong>of</strong> the relationship <strong>of</strong> the bereaved to the deceased in Yorubaland plays a significant role in the
resolution <strong>of</strong> grief that follows the death <strong>of</strong> the loved ones. <strong>The</strong> Yoruba people <strong>of</strong> Nigeria always have their grief
prolonged due to impositions on them as a result <strong>of</strong> relationship exhibited in demands from the bereaved ritualised
way <strong>of</strong> funeral and burial. Majority <strong>of</strong> the Yoruba women appear to have problems reconciling their grief because <strong>of</strong>
their relationship to the deceased. <strong>The</strong> demands imposed on the bereaved in Yorubaland are made inexclusive <strong>of</strong> the
capacity <strong>of</strong> the bereaved. Majority <strong>of</strong> the relations <strong>of</strong> the deceased always appear to poke their noses on the
properties <strong>of</strong> the deceased thereby elongating the moodiness and precarious conditions <strong>of</strong> the bereaved. In most
cases mourners are made to purchase certain items, like clothing, food and preparation for rituals for the burial this
always elongates the mourning <strong>of</strong> the bereaved.
<strong>The</strong> death <strong>of</strong> a spouse is one <strong>of</strong> the emotionally stressful and disruptive events in life (Cramer, Keites & Zevon,
1990, Daggett 2002, Leahy, 1993.
<strong>The</strong>re are more women survivours (widows) than men (widowers), the bereaved spouse faces peculiarly problems
and stages <strong>of</strong> bereavement alone (Kubler – Ross 1964). Apart from shock and stress, many survios face serious
personal, emotional, economic, social, career family and community problems (Johnson, 1977), Osterweis, Solomon,
& Green 1984, pp 71 – 75; Rando, 1984).
Regardless <strong>of</strong> the age <strong>of</strong> parents or children, the death <strong>of</strong> a child is always a major loss (Edelstem 1984; Finkbeiner
1998, Kubler – Ross, 1983; Rando 1986 Roman<strong>of</strong>f, 1993, Silverman, 2000). Every parent is unique in terms <strong>of</strong>
needs, history, personality, coping style relationship to others, social concerns, family situation and sense <strong>of</strong> meaning
regarding the death <strong>of</strong> the child (Braun & Berg 1994; Finkbeiner 1998, Roman<strong>of</strong>f, 1993). Every parent suffers the
loss <strong>of</strong> a child differently. <strong>The</strong> death <strong>of</strong> a child is traumatic be it still birth sudden infant death, accident.
Children who experience the death <strong>of</strong> a parent and sibling may show overt signs <strong>of</strong> bereavement, in certain occasions
their grief may be covert, making the caregivers feel as if children are not affected by the loss Norris –Shortle,
Young and Williams (1993) have documented the fact that young children do grieve. Kandt (1994) indicated that 90
percent <strong>of</strong> junior and senior high schools students have experienced a loss associated with death. Adolescents are
bewildered with losses related to death and this has posted challenges to both adolescents and their caregivers. <strong>The</strong>se
causes <strong>of</strong> pessimism, futurelessness, confusion, depression and isolation (Schlubner & Peregoy, 1994).
From a developmental standpoint, bereavement among elderly people is compounded, by decreases in sensory
acuity, general decline in health; and reduced mobility. Having a lower income and fewer support people available
to them than in their younger years also represent changes that may affect them.
Elderly people generally experience more losses than do their younger ones. This are inform <strong>of</strong> loss <strong>of</strong> relatives and
friends, loss <strong>of</strong> job status, money loss <strong>of</strong> bodily functions and abilities loss <strong>of</strong> independence and self-respect
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