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Moving money - Carolina Weekly Newspapers

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He’s not planning<br />

on fooling around<br />

I have lots of friends who call things<br />

to my attention that they think might<br />

amuse or inspire me as I crank out this<br />

cantankerous column each week.<br />

One of my best sources wrote to tell<br />

me about the death of the oldest person<br />

in the world. She died Sept. 11 in<br />

Los Angeles. Her name was Gertrude<br />

Baines, and she was 115 years old. I did<br />

a little research<br />

southern fried and found that<br />

preacher she was born on<br />

April 6, 1894, in<br />

Shellman, Ga. Her<br />

grandparents were<br />

slaves. I found a<br />

picture that shows<br />

her as a handsome<br />

woman who looks<br />

younger than me.<br />

harold<br />

bales<br />

Guinness World<br />

Records released<br />

the announcement<br />

of her death.<br />

She received a letter from President<br />

Obama. She voted for him in 2008 and<br />

said she planned to vote for him again in<br />

News<br />

your life. I asked my old buddy Cicero<br />

Fudd about it. He has always had an<br />

old, worn-out car or two jacked up on<br />

blocks in his front yard.<br />

I said, “Cis, you’ve been fooling around<br />

with old cars most of your life. Some really<br />

old folk say one reason they’ve lived a<br />

long time is that they didn’t fool around.<br />

You’ve lived a long time. What do you<br />

make of what they’re saying?”<br />

He wiped his oily hands on his T-<br />

shirt, spat a stream of tobacco juice<br />

into an old upturned hubcap and said,<br />

“Preacher, they ain’t talking about fixin’<br />

broke down cars.” So I pressed him,<br />

“Well, what are they talking about?” He<br />

mumbled something like “too personal<br />

a thing to discuss with a preacher.”<br />

About then, his wife, Delilah, walked<br />

out on the porch and got a dish of butter<br />

out of the refrigerator. So I asked<br />

her, “Why would folk who fool around<br />

tend to live shorter lives than those who<br />

don’t?”<br />

As she turned to go back inside, she<br />

said, “I reckon a lot of them would<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

• Charloe<br />

get shot<br />

Pipe &<br />

by<br />

Foundry<br />

their<br />

Co.<br />

jealous<br />

•<br />

wives<br />

Michael<br />

or<br />

J. Kavanagh,<br />

husbands.”<br />

and Equipment Rental • Essex Richards<br />

CFP<br />

2012. How’s that for optimism? • Chair<br />

She lived alone until she was 105. and Sales, I am Inc. figuring out that “fooling • Merancas around” Foundation<br />

She enjoyed bacon and eggs and had • Kemp has Construction, a larger, more Inc. serious • meaning Topics Education than<br />

few complaints except when her bacon tinkering with old cars. I think a good<br />

was not crispy enough.<br />

policy for living a long life would at least<br />

Her doctor reported she attributed include the simple principle: Don’t do<br />

her longevity to the Lord and because anything that might provoke your mate<br />

she “never did drink, never did smoke to jealousy, especially if he or she has a<br />

and never did fool around.”<br />

license to own a firearm.<br />

I wish I could have known Gertrude Also, folks should be careful about<br />

Baines. I’ve known lots of people who boozing and smoking. And while Gertrude<br />

Baines preferred a diet of bacon<br />

lived to a great age, and I asked most<br />

of them “What enabled you to live so and eggs, I suppose the rest of us who<br />

long?”<br />

want to live longer need to go easy on<br />

More often than not, they replied with that, too.<br />

some version of, “I don’t smoke, and I Ms. Baines also credited the Lord for<br />

don’t drink, and I don’t fool around.” her longevity. I’m pretty sure we can be<br />

Which begs the question: Why is the safe in saying the Lord is the main cause<br />

common idea that “fooling around” is a of our good lives, whether long or short.<br />

threat to long life?<br />

That’s what I’m counting on anyway.<br />

I decided to conduct an unscientific<br />

survey to get to the bottom of this Reach Harold Bales through his Web site,<br />

idea that “fooling around” will shorten www.southern-fried-preacher.com.<br />

Every step makes difference!<br />

Every step makes a difference!<br />

Easter Seals<br />

UCP North <strong>Carolina</strong><br />

Walk With Me<br />

Easter Seals<br />

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UCP Easter North Seals <strong>Carolina</strong> <br />

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Presenting Sponsor Founding Sponsor Regional Sponsor<br />

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Presenting Sponsor Founding Sponsor <br />

Regional Sponsor<br />

Presenting Sponsor Founding Sponsor Regional Sponsor<br />

Local Sponsors<br />

• Charloe Pipe & Foundry Co.<br />

• Chair and Equipment Rental<br />

and Sales, Inc.<br />

• Kemp Construction, Inc.<br />

• Charloe Pipe & Foundry Co.<br />

• Chair and Equipment Rental<br />

and Sales, Inc.<br />

• Kemp Construction, Inc.<br />

Local Sponsors<br />

October 4th, 4:30 PM<br />

The Blessing of the Animals<br />

Ice cream for kids and kibble for the rest.<br />

Local Sponsors<br />

Local Sponsors<br />

• Michael J. Kavanagh, CFP • Benefit Controls of the<br />

• Charloe Pipe • Essex & Foundry Richards Co. • Michael <strong>Carolina</strong>s, J. Kavanagh, Inc. CFP<br />

• Merancas Foundation<br />

• Cranford, Schultze, Tomchin<br />

• Chair and Equipment Rental • Essex Richards<br />

• Topics Education<br />

& Allen, P.A.<br />

and Sales, Inc. • Michael J. Kavanagh, CFP • Merancas • Benefit Foundation<br />

Controls of the<br />

• Kemp Benefit Construction, Controls • Essex of Richards the Inc.<br />

• Topics PSC, <strong>Carolina</strong>s, Inc. Education Inc.<br />

<strong>Carolina</strong>s, Inc. • Merancas Foundation • Snug • Cranford, Seat, Inc. Schultze, Tomchin<br />

• Topics Education<br />

& Allen, P.A.<br />

• Cranford, Schultze, Tomchin • Cantina 1511<br />

& Allen, P.A.<br />

October Calendar<br />

of Events<br />

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• PSC, Inc.<br />

• Snug Seat, • Benefit Inc. Controls of the<br />

• Cantina 1511<br />

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• PSC, • Inc. Cranford, Schultze, Tom<br />

• Snug Seat, & Allen, Inc. P.A.<br />

• Cantina 1511<br />

October 10th, 8am-12 Noon<br />

Yard sale to benefit Parish retreat.<br />

Services: Spa Packages • Special Holiday Packages<br />

Hot Stone Massages • Hot Stone Facials<br />

Couples Packages • Spa Manicures • Spa Pedicures<br />

Private Aromatherapy Steams and Baths • Massage • Facials<br />

Chemical Peels • Body Scrubs and Polishes • Unique Body Masques<br />

Gift Certificates Available<br />

Please Visit Our Spa Specialty Shop<br />

20109 KNOX ROAD • CORNELIUS, NORTH CAROLINA<br />

704-987-0006 • WWW.SAPPHIRESPA.COM<br />

October 31st, 3:30p-6:00p<br />

Halloween on the Hill<br />

featuring guessing jars, trick or trunk<br />

and treats for all.<br />

“Building Community – Living the Way of Christ”<br />

8600 Mt. Holly-Huntersville Rd. • Phone 704-399-5193<br />

www.huntersvilleherald.com The Herald <strong>Weekly</strong> • Oct. 2-8, 2009 • Page 21

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