December - St. Augustine Catholic

your marriage matters
romance
Romance
Try going
on a date in the
“next town over.”
Go to dinner, or
see an attraction
somewhere that
requires some
extra drive time.
Make a little
adventure out of
it and go just far
enough to feel
free from the daily
stressors. Have a
collection of some
of your favorite
romantic music
on hand. Use the
extra travel time
to talk and just
enjoy each other’s
company.
money
That’s
entertainment!
Eating
out is fun and
has become
increasingly
popular. But a
candlelit dinner for
two at your own
table can be very
romantic and save
you money. To
save a little money,
eliminate one
dinner out a week
and eat in instead.
Katherine and David have been
married for eight years. Katherine
just discovered that David has a
bank account in his own
name that she had not known about.
It’s my money
Katherine says: I have been
bothered by David’s secretiveness
throughout our marriage; for
example, he will never tell me who was on the
phone when he finishes a conversation.
But I was devastated when I found a bank
book in his desk while I was cleaning
the office. It’s in David’s name only and
there’s a substantial sum of money in it.
I thought marriage was supposed to be a
partnership. But I feel marginalized and
betrayed. What else is he keeping secret?
I thought
we shared
everything
David says: I don’t understand
why Katherine is so upset – it’s not
like the phone calls I get are any
big deal, but they are mine and not hers. We aren’t
joined at the hip – I’m allowed to have some privacy,
aren’t I? As it happens, the bank account Katherine
found was money I’ve been setting aside to surprise
her with a cruise for our anniversary. But frankly,
given the big scenes she’s made about this, I’m not
sure I even want to go on a trip with her!
When ideas are not
communicated and then
discovered inadvertently by your
spouse, there is a whole lot of explaining to do! Is it
just poor judgment or is it “busted!?”
The first comment made by Katherine was a red
flag to Tom. Was David’s secretiveness a continuation
of an existing pattern while dating and during the
engagement period, or is this a new behavior? Most
often, habits and behaviors are a continuation of
existing patterns set long before a marriage. Sometimes,
our strongest and most endearing qualities and
attributes prior to marriage becomes our major
12 St. Augustine Catholic December 2007
He said
She said
what do they do?
by Tom and Jo Anne Fogle
weaknesses after marriage.
The one question
most couples don’t ask
themselves prior to
marriage is, “What if the
current behaviors and
patterns continue for
the rest of our married life
– can I live with it exactly
as I know it today?”
In marriage, spouses get
to experience the other’s
most intimate details – that
means it is critical to really
understand the person you
are marrying prior to the
wedding day. What you see is
really what you get!
Secrecy is the cornerstone
of mistrust – especially within
the context of marriage. When
the wall begins to form between
spouses you can rest assured
Tom and Jo Anne Fogle