December - St. Augustine Catholic

the cornerstone will be mistrust.
That cornerstone has a way of
attracting other building material
that would normally be given little
consideration. But attached to the
mistrust cornerstone, they become
bonded and meaningful to building
the wall. For example, David’s
phone conversations by themselves
would not be significant except
for the cornerstone of mistrust.
The secretiveness of the phone
calls bond with the cornerstone
of mistrust to create a formidable
barrier to communication and
couple growth. Once the wall
begins to be built, people would
be surprised at what is put into
the mix to make it even more
formidable; items such as a letter
addressed only to David and
not to Katherine, David working
unusually late at his job, David
wanting to spend a weekend away
fishing with his buddies, or a bank
book that Katherine didn’t know
about. Regardless how innocent
these extra events/items are on the
surface once they are placed next to
the cornerstone of mistrust, there
is serious work needed by both
parties, David and Katherine, to
chip away and remove the wall.
In reviewing both David and
Katherine’s comments, it struck
us that communication is not one
of their strengths. It appears there
is a lot of “assuming” between
them and very little “fact finding”.
It might have helped if Katherine
would first ask David about the
bank account and let him explain
the situation. Maybe indeed it was
for a surprise anniversary cruise,
in which case Katherine would
be delighted and pleased, yet a
little embarrassed at discovering
his special surprise. Given his
reactions at her being upset (now
not wanting to take her on the
cruise) our belief is that his story
was a not quite accurate and that
Katherine’s thoughts might have
some validity. If it were truly going
to be a surprise and a special event,
discovery may be disappointing,
but it shouldn’t be viewed as a deal
breaker.
communication
Good
marriage
You want
to celebrate
Christmas in your
own home this
year. He wants to
go to his mother’s
for the Christmas
he’s always
known. Holidays
can be highstress
when your
expectations are
different. Set aside
time to discuss
your “perfect”
Christmas, and
make sure both
of you get a little
of what’s most
important. Maybe
this year at home
and next year at
your mother-inlaw’s!
time
Shop and
spend
together.
Develop
an ability to shop
with your spouse;
be it in a clothing
store or hardware
store. Shopping
doesn’t need to
be expensive
(window shopping
is free) and
spending doesn’t
need to break the
bank. Walking
together and
exchanging ideas
and thoughts tend
to build strong
relationships and
lasting bonds.
parenting journey
Is Christmas making you crazy?
How to be a more peaceful parent
by Dr. Cathleen McGreal
As we pray for international peace during the
Advent season, parents often have immediate
concerns for preparing a tranquil family Christmas.
I’ve found Advent challenging because it coincides with
deadlines for exams and grades. When my four children were young,
I began spreading Christmas shopping over months, searching for
bargains. Now that they make purchases on their own as Christmas
nears I wonder if I’ve done a “good job.” I start balancing amounts in
Following my head. Is this fair? Should I make one more purchase? Even things
God’s will out? I have to rein myself in, reminding myself that when the voice
might not feel
cries, “Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him” (Mt
“peaceful” at
first because it 3:3) that our preparation is not about giving the right gifts to one another
runs contrary in honor of Jesus’ birth! The straight path is an interior preparation and
to our habits peace that comes from our relationship with God.
Allow time as parents to experience the gentle
guidance of the Shepherd.
“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his
arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that
have young.” ( Isaiah 40:11) Many a stained glass window shows
the comforting sight of Jesus carrying a lamb. But it is reassuring
to know that he is guiding parents as well. How is God relating to
you as a parent this Advent? Are there discoveries that will lead
to stronger relationships or healing in the family? The parenting
journey is one that lasts a lifetime. Has a younger generation
expressed interest in hosting the Christmas dinner? Has there
been a spiraling trend toward more expensive gifts? It may
be that, despite the gentleness of the dialogue, there are
prospects of change that seem disconcerting. Following
God’s will might not feel “peaceful” at first because it runs
contrary to our habits.
“A heart at peace gives life
to the body ... ” (Proverbs 14:30)
There are many physical demands to parenthood, as
Mary and Joseph knew well with their journey to Bethlehem,
Jesus’ birth in the stable and the flight to Egypt. Parents struggle
to get up night after night with newborns, wondering when the
baby is going to sleep through the night. Preschoolers have bad
dreams and there are long nights tending to feverish children.
Parents of adolescents catch catnaps waiting for teens to come
home from dates. Sometimes, “empty” nests are re-feathered
and grandparents help out young families. Being a parent can
be exhausting! This Christmas season, try to find one personal
activity that brings your own heart peace. Make time for prayer
and connect with your church community – it may help bring life
to your body!
Email questions and comments to: mcgreal@msu.edu
Dr. Cathleen McGreal
St. Augustine Catholic December 2007 13