Editorial Board

Child: Olivia Jane, Thirteen Months (Staten Island, New York)
Phase 1: Food and Sustenance
Olivia Jane eats a mixture of fruit, vegetables, and sugar, distilled into a thick paste. She might explore it herself with clumsy
hands, or allow herself to be fed by means of a plastic spoon shaped like an airplane. We say, “Here comes the carrot plane for
Olivia Jane!” and it collides with her mouth, a chaos of watery goo, tiny teeth, and saliva. The Olivia Jane is also known to consume
at various times in the day: hot dogs cooled and divided into ten pieces, watermelon slices, the ear of a teddy bear, animal crackers,
soy milk, apple juice, and Play-Doh. She digests as she sleeps, in a dark blue car-seat decorated with cartoon giraffes and sticky with
apple residue.
Phase 2: Play
The standard Olivia Jane at thirteen months has a weak memory but a highly focused attention span. Thus a single word, combined with an
energetic gesture and repeated indefinitely, is likely to entertain the Olivia Jane for over twenty minutes. To test this theory, we need only to engage
the subject with a simple, flattering statement. Years before we take women’s studies courses at a state college, we see no problem informing a young
Olivia Jane that she is “so pretty”. This compliment works most effectively when voiced at a high pitch and combined with physical contact. We say,
“SOOOO PRETTY!” -- our hands gently tapping the Olivia Jane’s chin, raising her face high, and her squeal of pure joy seems to shout, Yes! I am!
It’s too wonderful to express! Her patience outlasts ours by approximately fifteen So Prettys.
Still, with the help of intense behavioral study - by method of several middle-school babysitting hours - researchers have managed to distill her six basic modes into a bi-hourly cycle.
No creature has mystified and fascinated mankind more than the thirteen-month-old Olivia Jane. Her habits are irregular, her tempers varying.