english - JMap

The University of the State of New York 

SESSION ONE 

REGENTS HIGH SCHOOL EXAMINATION 

COMPREHENSIVE EXAMINATION 

IN 

ENGLISH 

SESSION ONE 

Wednesday, August 13, 2003 — 8:30 to 11:30 a.m., only 

The last page of this booklet is the answer sheet for the multiple-choice 

questions. Fold the last page along the perforations and, slowly and carefully, tear 

off the answer sheet. Then fill in the heading of your answer sheet. Now circle 

“Session One” and fill in the heading of each page of your essay booklet. 

This session of the examination has two parts. Part A tests listening skills; you 

are to answer all six multiple-choice questions and write a response, as directed. 

For Part B, you are to answer all ten multiple-choice questions and write a 

response, as directed. 

When you have completed this session of the examination, you must sign the 

statement printed at the end of the answer sheet, indicating that you had no 

unlawful knowledge of the questions or answers prior to the session and that you 

have neither given nor received assistance in answering any of the questions 

during the session. Your answer sheet cannot be accepted if you fail to sign this 

declaration. 

DO NOT OPEN THIS EXAMINATION BOOKLET UNTIL THE SIGNAL IS GIVEN.

Part A 

Overview: For this part of the test, you will listen to an account about running a successful business, answer 

some multiple-choice questions, and write a response based on the situation described below. You will hear the 

account twice. You may take notes on the next page anytime you wish during the readings. 

The Situation: You are in charge of fund-raising for your graduating class. 

As part of the planning process, you must write a proposal to your faculty 

class advisor explaining how you would use business strategies to plan a 

successful fund-raising campaign. In preparation for writing your proposal, 

listen to an account by businessman Sam Walton about running a successful 

business. Then use relevant information from the account to write your 

proposal. 

Your Task: Write a proposal to your faculty class advisor in which you explain how Sam 

Walton’s business strategies would contribute to a successful fund-raising campaign. 

Guidelines: 

Be sure to 

• Tell your audience what they need to know about Sam Walton’s business strategies 

and how they would contribute to a successful fund-raising campaign 

• Use specific, accurate, and relevant information from the account to support your 

proposal 

• Use a tone and level of language appropriate for a proposal to a faculty class advisor 

• Organize your ideas in a logical and coherent manner 

• Indicate any words taken directly from the account by using quotation marks or 

referring to the speaker 

• Follow the conventions of standard written English 

Comp. Eng. — Session One – Aug. ’03 [2]

NOTES 

DO NOT TURN THIS PAGE UNTIL YOU ARE TOLD TO DO SO. 

Comp. Eng. — Session One – Aug. ’03 [3] [OVER]

Multiple-Choice Questions 

Directions (1–6): Use your notes to answer the following questions about the passage read to you. Select the best 

suggested answer and write its number in the space provided on the answer sheet. The questions may help you think 

about ideas and information you might use in your writing. You may return to these questions anytime you wish. 

1 The speaker implies that he values the opinions 

of people who challenge his rules because they 

tend to have 

(1) efficient problem-solving strategies 

(2) strong work ethics 

(3) clear ideas for team building 

(4) different points of view 

2 The speaker implies that giving employees a stake 

in a company has the effect of 

(1) assuring customer loyalty 

(2) improving job performance 

(3) removing legal restrictions 

(4) reducing operating expenses 

3 The speaker’s use of the expression “satisfaction 

guaranteed” reflects his concern for his 

(1) customers (3) employees 

(2) suppliers (4) investors 

4 According to the speaker, “the competitive 

advantage” results when a business has the 

(1) smallest percentage of returns 

(2) highest level of product safety 

(3) greatest variety of inventory 

(4) lowest ratio of expenses to sales 

5 According to the speaker, what aspect of his rules 

has changed over time? 

(1) the methods for explaining them 

(2) the ways they are carried out 

(3) the degree to which they are accepted 

(4) the reasons for using them 

6 One intended effect of these rules on employees 

is to encourage them to 

(1) design new products 

(2) start a business 

(3) share a goal 

(4) solve personal problems 

After you have finished these questions, turn to page 2. Review The 

Situation and read Your Task and the Guidelines. Use scrap paper to 

plan your response. Then write your response in Part A, beginning on 

page 1 of your essay booklet. After you finish your response for Part A, go 

to page 5 of your examination booklet and complete Part B. 


Part B 

Directions: Read the text and study the table on the following pages, answer the multiple-choice questions, 

and write a response based on the situation described below. You may use the margins to take notes as you read 

and scrap paper to plan your response. 

The Situation: Your community is planning to build a new playground. As 

a member of the playground planning committee, you must write a report 

for the committee in which you recommend a design for the playground 

which incorporates elements of safety and satisfies the needs of potential 

users. 

Your Task: Using relevant information from both documents, write a report for the 

playground planning committee in which you recommend a design for the playground 

which incorporates elements of safety and satisfies the needs of potential users. 

Guidelines: 

Be sure to 

• Tell your audience what they need to know about your recommended design for the 

playground 

• Explain how your design incorporates elements of safety and satisfies the needs of 

potential users 

• Use specific, accurate, and relevant information from the text and the table to 

support your recommendations for a design 

• Use a tone and level of language appropriate for a report for the playground 

planning committee 


• Indicate any words taken directly from the text by using quotation marks or 

referring to the author 



5 

10 

15 

20 

25 

30 

35 

40 

Text 

…Over the years different types of playgrounds have been given unique names 

to help people identify their special design characteristics. We have seen 

adventure playgrounds, creative playgrounds, tot lots, mini parks, and theme 

parks. Playscape is a term which has been used in the past but is poorly defined. 

The term was coined by merging the terms “play” and “landscape” in an effort to 

emphasize that the total environment can contribute to play value.… 

[T]he needs of children must be the foremost playscape design criteria. It is 

necessary that the definition of a playscape start with an acceptance of the 

standards imposed by parks for safety, maintenance, and budget but the 

definition can not stop there, the developmental needs of the children must also 

be included. If a playscape is to meet the needs of park departments, 

neighborhoods and children, the following elements must be included: 

Active Play 

The new modular [pipe and plastic] play structures are very successful at 

providing for the active play needs of children. This is a proven concept that 

rightfully belongs in any park. The way these systems are configured, however, 

could be improved. We need to do a better job of including upper body building 

events, interesting climbers, and dynamic balance events. 

Constructive and Manipulative Play 

The essence of play is the freedom it provides children. A good playscape would 

empower children to create and change it. In the “old” days we believed in the 

value of the “adventure playground” which children could build themselves. 

Concerns for liability, maintenance and aesthetics destroyed the few experiments 

that were tried in the U.S. In many other countries the idea is alive and well, and 

has evolved into a practical program easily included in many park settings. 

Perhaps we can’t go as far as the adventure playground, but we can and should 

include, at a minimum, sand and water play. Note that the criteria is sand and 

water. Dry sand under an active play structure may provide a good fall surface, 

but it does not provide for constructive play. Sand must be moist if it is to be used 

in the building of sand castles. Just because it is difficult to design a low 

maintenance water feature doesn’t mean that the function should be abandoned. 

According to Kazuo Abby, of Royston, Hanamoto, Alley and Abby, “Water 

features within the total play environment are extremely important. The wet sand 

provides unlimited creativity and it’s safe, simple, and fun.” 

The first “manipulative” piece of equipment was the steering wheel. Recently 

we have seen the development of a variety of game boards, like tic-tac-toe panels. 

Some companies have been adding a variety of controls, levers, binoculars, etc., 

to their theme play equipment. This greatly expands the play value of what is 

essentially static equipment. 

Social Play 

To create social play areas only two basic criteria need to be met. First, there 

should be a “transaction interface.” This is simply a window, counter, or storefront 

that creates an “inside” and an “outside.” Such an arrangement literally sets the 

stage for all sorts of dramatic play. 

Second, a sense of enclosure is necessary. It is possible to provide small semienclosed 

spaces which offer a sense of intimacy but also allow for supervision. 

When properly scaled, such spaces are too small to provide cover for vagrants. 


45 

50 

55 

60 

65 

70 

75 

80 

85 

Uniqueness 

Communities need and value unique features in their parks. Playgrounds with 

trains, ships, sculpture, and other special features create a sense of identity … While 

it was [once] thought that theme equipment would inhibit children’s play, it is now 

known that such equipment can stimulate rich imaginative play. Children are not 

particularly troubled by playing “Star Wars” on an old fashioned looking ship.… 

Accessibility and Integration 

As many advocates have brought to our attention, integrating all citizens is not 

only ethically correct, it is also the law. There is every indication that the federal 

government is going to actively enforce the new Americans With Disabilities Act: 

this means playgrounds will have to be made accessible. While it is not easy, we 

can design play areas for those who have restricted mobility in order for them to 

be integrated with the general population. The problem is that there are few 

really satisfying design solutions to this problem. The manufacturers of 

equipment have generally offered only ramps. A few provide low horizontal 

ladders or ground level steering wheels. 

Only a few manufacturers have addressed the problem of creating transfer 

stations so that children may play out of their wheelchairs. 

Most advocates for accessibility say that ramps have a very small role in providing 

for the needs of people with various disabilities. Despite what most equipment 

manufacturers have concluded, wheelchair access is not the only issue to be addressed 

in creating an integrated environment. Putting a ramp to an active play structure on 

which there is nothing appropriate for the child who is physically disabled to do is 

insulting and can even be dangerous when used by skateboarders. On the other hand, 

providing access to wonderful places for social, constructive, and imaginative play, like 

the ship at Peacock Gap [a park in San Rafael, California], is right, and realistic.… 

Multi-cultural 

California has been a multi-cultural community since its founding. The golden 

age playgrounds reflected this diversity. The new playgrounds have a postmodern 

industrial appearance devoid 1 of any cultural connotations. Resistance to 

celebrating the cultural heritage of particular neighborhoods in park design stems 

from the political content which has been included in some of these efforts in the 

past. While a radical La Raza mural may have reflected the cultural identity of the 

barrio, 2 it also made a political statement which some members of other 

communities found offensive. A dragon play structure in the Chinese 

Community; a ship in the harbor park, or a Spanish-influenced site are all 

appropriate expressions in public facilities. The playscape concept needs to 

define what are the proper limitations for ethnic expression and the proper 

venue 3 for particular political points of view. 

Age Appropriate 

While the modern multi-functional modular play systems are great for kids from 

six to nine years, they are less appropriate for other children who need more social 

and constructive play opportunities. Adolescents have been a particularly forgotten 

age group. While they do, of course, use the ball fields, they are also interested in 

free play. One need only watch them on their skateboards to confirm this. They are 

also interested in just “hanging out” in small groups where boys and girls can “check 

each other out.” Adults have concerns about such groups of teens; are they going to 

1 devoid — without 

2 barrio — Spanish-speaking neighborhood 

3 venue — place 


90 

95 

do something dangerous to themselves or others? The playscape concept can help 

reduce these concerns. A playscape, because of its rich array of unique attractions, 

will be used by more concerned citizens over a longer part of the day. This high-use 

brings with it increased adult supervision which, in turn, will help reduce 

inappropriate behaviors. Welcoming in adolescents makes the playscape a place 

where they feel they belong and removes it as a target for vandalism. 

Comfort 

It seems obvious that a playground should be a comfortable place for people 

to visit. But it is surprising how many parks are built without even a bench close 

to the play area. The issue of a clean, safe, and open bathroom is also central to 

the comfortable use of the playscape. Park benches can be selected which offer 

real comfort, but do not encourage people to sleep on them if this is a concern. 

Shade and shelter from wind should also be considered…. 

— Jay Beckwith 

excerpted from “No More Cookie Cutter Parks,” 

www.bpfp.org 


Table 

Properties of Playground Surface Materials 

Material Uncompressed Depth 

Compressed 

Depth 

6 inches 9 inches 12 inches 9 inches 

Advantages Disadvantages 

This depth of material provides protection from 

life-threatening head injury in a child who falls 

from a height of: 

Wood Chips 7 feet 10 feet 11 feet 10 feet 

Double Shredded Bark Mulch 

6 feet 10 feet 11 feet 7 feet 

Engineered Wood 

Fibers 

6 feet 7 feet greater 

than 

12 feet 

6 feet 

Fine Sand 5 feet 5 feet 9 feet 5 feet 

Coarse Sand 5 feet 5 feet 6 feet 4 feet 

Fine Gravel 6 feet 7 feet 10 feet 6 feet 

Medium Gravel 5 feet 5 feet 6 feet 5 feet 

Shredded Tires 10–12 

feet 

• Low initial cost 

• Ease of installation 

• Attractive appearance 

• Readily available 

• Low initial cost 

• Ease of installation 

• Does not pulverize 

• Low-microbial growth 

• Non-flammable 

Data Not Available • Non-abrasive 

• Does not compact easily 

• Low-microbial growth 

• Decomposes and 

compacts 

• Subject to microbial 

growth 

• Conceals sharp objects 

• Flammable 

• Can blow or be thrown 

into eyes 

• Can be swallowed 

• Sand can be tracked out 

of area 

• Sand is abrasive 

• Wet sand is highly 

compactible 

• Flammable 

• May soil clothing 

• May be swallowed 

Falls are the most common type of playground accident. The number and severity of injuries can be reduced by using 

softer surfaces under playground equipment. 

Sources: (adapted) Handbook for Public Playground Safety, 

United States Consumer Product Safety Commission, www.cpsc.gov 

and “Playground Safety – A Guide to Playground Safety,” 

American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons, www.aaos.org 



Directions (7–16): Select the best suggested answer to each question and write its number in the space 

provided on the answer sheet. The questions may help you think about ideas and information you might want 

to use in your writing. You may return to these questions anytime you wish. 

7 The author’s use of the word “Playscape” (line 4) 

suggests that playgrounds should be thought of as 

(1) places for children to escape to 

(2) toys used by everyone 

(3) fields where children observe nature 

(4) areas designed for recreation 

8 The article suggests that modular play structures 

are especially suitable for meeting children’s 

developmental need for 

(1) physical exercise (3) creative expression 

(2) social interaction (4) mental stimulation 

9 The author’s insistence on “sand and water” 

(lines 25 and 26) suggests the importance of 

providing children the opportunity to 

(1) swim (3) fall 

(2) build (4) share 

10 According to the author, play structures that 

create an “inside” and an “outside” are desirable 

because they provide 

(1) shelter from weather 

(2) encouragement to exercise 

(3) opportunities for playacting 

(4) spaces for unsupervised play 

11 The purpose of a transfer station (lines 59 and 60) 

is to permit a child who has a physical disability to 

(1) navigate a wheelchair around a playground 

(2) move from a wheelchair onto a structure 

(3) observe other children from a safe spot 

(4) avoid games that require a ramp 

12 The author implies that one way to make 

adolescents feel welcome in playgrounds is to 

provide opportunities for them to 

(1) assist younger children 

(2) report acts of vandalism 

(3) engage in social play 

(4) reduce adult supervision 

13 The author suggests that one area of concern 

when planning facilities for comfort is the 

possibility of 

(1) improper use 

(2) rising costs 

(3) diminishing interest 

(4) unsafe construction 

14 What element of playground design is the main 

focus of the table? 

(1) accessibility 

(2) safety 

(3) play value 

(4) comfort 

15 According to the table, 9 inches of engineered 

wood fibers, uncompressed, provides the same 

protection as 

(1) 9 inches of coarse sand, uncompressed 

(2) 9 inches of fine gravel, uncompressed 

(3) 12 inches of fine sand, uncompressed 

(4) 12 inches of medium gravel, uncompressed 

16 Compared to other surface materials in the table, 

shredded tires have the disadvantage of 

(1) offering less protection 

(2) compacting more readily 

(3) being dirtier 

(4) being heavier 

After you have finished these questions, turn to page 5. Review The Situation 

and read Your Task and the Guidelines. Use scrap paper to plan your response. 

Then write your response to Part B, beginning on page 7 of your essay booklet. 



Session One – Essay A 

Essay B 

________ 

________ 


COMPREHENSIVE EXAMINATION IN ENGLISH 

Session Two – Essay A 

Essay B 

________ 

________ 

Tear Here 

SESSION ONE 

Wednesday, August 13, 2003 — 8:30 to 11:30 a.m., only 

Total Essay Score 

Session One – 

A–Multiple Choice 

B–Multiple Choice 

________ 

________ 

Session Two – 

A–Multiple Choice 

________ 

ANSWER SHEET 

Total Multiple Choice 

Final Score 

Student . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sex: ■ Male ■ Female 

School . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Grade . . . . . . . . . . . . . Teacher . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Write your answers to the multiple-choice questions for Part A and Part B on this answer sheet. 

Part A 

Part B 

1 _______ 7 _______ 

2 _______ 8 _______ 

3 _______ 9 _______ 

4 _______ 10 _______ 

5 _______ 11 _______ 

6 _______ 12 _______ 

13 _______ 

14 _______ 

15 _______ 

16 _______ 

HAND IN THIS ANSWER SHEET WITH YOUR ESSAY BOOKLET, 

SCRAP PAPER, AND EXAMINATION BOOKLET. 

Your essay responses for Part A and Part B should be written in the essay booklet. 

Tear Here 

I do hereby affirm, at the close of this examination, that I had no unlawful knowledge of the questions or answers prior to the examination and 

that I have neither given nor received assistance in answering any of the questions during the examination. 

____________________________________________________________ 

Signature 


Tear Here 

Tear Here 


DIRECTIONS FOR TEACHERS 

LISTENING SECTION 


Wednesday, August 13, 2003—8:30 to 11:30 a.m., only 

SESSION ONE 

BE SURE THAT THE LISTENING SECTION IS ADMINISTERED TO EVERY STUDENT. 

1 Before the start of the examination period, say: 

Do not open the examination booklet until you are instructed to do so. 

2 Distribute one examination booklet and one essay booklet to each student. 

3 After each student has received an examination booklet and an essay booklet, say: 

Tear off the answer sheet, which is the last page of the examination 

booklet, and fill in its heading. Now circle “Session One” and fill in the 

heading on each page of your essay booklet. 

4 After the students have filled in all headings on their answer sheets and essay booklets, say: 

Look at page 2 of your examination booklet and follow along while I read 

the Overview and The Situation. 

Overview: 

For this part of the test, you will listen to an account about running a 

successful business, answer some multiple-choice questions, and write a 

response based on the situation described below. You will hear the 

account twice. You may take notes on the next page anytime you wish 

during the readings. 

The Situation: 

You are in charge of fund-raising for your graduating class. As part of the 

planning process, you must write a proposal to your faculty class advisor 

explaining how you would use business strategies to plan a successful 

fund-raising campaign. In preparation for writing your proposal, listen to 

an account by businessman Sam Walton about running a successful 

business. Then use relevant information from the account to write your 

proposal. 

Now I will read the passage aloud to you for the first time. 

5 Now read the passage aloud with appropriate expression, but without added comment. 

[1]

Listening Passage 

I think we’ve covered the story of how all my partners and associates and I over the 

years built Wal-Mart into what it is today. And in the telling, I think we’ve covered all 

the principles which resulted in the company’s amazing success. A whole lot has 

changed about the retailing business in the forty-seven years we’ve been in it— 

including some of my theories. We’ve changed our minds about some significant things 

along the way and adopted some new principles—particularly about the concept of 

partnership in a corporation. But most of the values and the rules and the techniques 

we’ve relied on have stayed the same the whole way. Some of them are such simple 

commonsense old favorites that they hardly seem worth mentioning. 

This isn’t the first time I’ve been asked to come up with a list of rules for success, but 

it is the first time I’ve actually sat down and done it. I’m glad I did because it’s been a 

revealing exercise for me. The truth is [businessman] David Glass is right. I do seem to 

have a couple of dozen things that I’ve singled out at one time or another as the “key” 

to the whole thing. One I don’t even have on my list is “work hard.” If you don’t know 

that already, or you’re not willing to do it, you probably won’t be going far enough to 

need my list anyway. And another I didn’t include on the list is the idea of building a 

team. If you want to build an enterprise of any size at all, it almost goes without saying 

that you absolutely must create a team of people who work together and give real 

meaning to that overused word “teamwork.” To me, that’s more the goal of the whole 

thing, rather than some way to get there. 

I believe in always having goals, and always setting them high. I can certainly tell you 

that the folks at Wal-Mart have always had goals in front of them. In fact, we have 

sometimes built real scoreboards on the stage at Saturday morning meetings. 

One more thing. If you’re really looking for my advice here, trying to get something 

serious out of this exercise I put myself through, remember: these rules are not in any 

way intended to be the Ten Commandments of Business. They are some rules that 

worked for me. But I always prided myself on breaking everybody else’s rules, and I 

always favored the mavericks who challenged my rules. I may have fought them all the 

way, but I respected them, and, in the end, I listened to them a lot more closely than I 

did the pack who always agreed with everything I said. So pay special attention to Rule 

10, and if you interpret it in the right spirit—as it applies to you—it could mean simply: 

Break All the Rules. 

For what they’re worth, here they are. Sam’s Rules for Building a Business: 

Rule 1: Commit to your business. Believe in it more than anybody else. I think I 

overcame every single one of my personal shortcomings by the sheer passion I brought 

to my work. I don’t know if you’re born with this kind of passion, or if you can learn it. 

But I do know you need it. If you love your work, you’ll be out there every day trying to 

do it the best you possibly can, and pretty soon everybody around will catch the passion 

from you—like a fever. 

Rule 2: Share your profits with all your associates, and treat them as partners. In turn, 

they will treat you as a partner, and together you will all perform beyond your wildest 

[2]

expectations. Remain a corporation and retain control if you like, but behave as a 

servant leader in a partnership. Encourage your associates to hold a stake in the 

company. Offer discounted stock, and grant them stock for their retirement. It’s the 

single best thing we ever did. 

Rule 3: Motivate your partners. Money and ownership alone aren’t enough. 

Constantly, day by day, think of new and more interesting ways to motivate and 

challenge your partners. Set high goals, encourage competition, and then keep score. 

Make bets with outrageous payoffs. If things get stale, cross-pollinate; have managers 

switch jobs with one another to stay challenged. Keep everybody guessing as to what 

your next trick is going to be. Don’t become too predictable. 

Rule 4: Communicate everything you possibly can to your partners. The more they 

know, the more they’ll understand. The more they understand, the more they’ll care. 

Once they care, there’s no stopping them. If you don’t trust your associates to know 

what’s going on, they’ll know you don’t really consider them partners. Information is 

power, and the gain you get from empowering your associates more than offsets the 

risks of informing your competitors. 

Rule 5: Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. A paycheck and a 

stock option will buy one kind of loyalty. But all of us like to be told how much 

somebody appreciates what we do for them. We like to hear it often, and especially 

when we have done something we’re really proud of. Nothing else can quite substitute 

for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They’re absolutely free—and 

worth a fortune. 

Rule 6: Celebrate your successes. Find some humor in your failures. Don’t take 

yourself so seriously. Loosen up, and everybody around you will loosen up. Have fun. 

Show enthusiasm—always. When all else fails, put on a costume and sing a silly song. 

Then make everybody else sing with you. Don’t do a hula on Wall Street. It’s been done. 

Think up your own stunt. All of this is more important, and more fun, than you think, 

and it really fools the competition. “Why should we take those cornballs at Wal-Mart 

seriously?” 

Rule 7: Listen to everyone in your company. And figure out ways to get them talking. 

The folks on the front lines—the ones who actually talk to the customer—are the only 

ones who really know what’s going on out there. You’d better find out what they know. 

This really is what total quality is all about. To push responsibility down in your 

organization, and to force good ideas to bubble up within it, you must listen to what your 

associates are trying to tell you. 

Rule 8: Exceed your customers’ expectations. If you do, they’ll come back over and 

over. Give them what they want—and a little more. Let them know you appreciate 

them. Make good on all your mistakes, and don’t make excuses—apologize. Stand 

behind everything you do. The two most important words I ever wrote were on that first 

Wal-Mart sign: “Satisfaction Guaranteed.” They’re still up there, and they have made all 

the difference. 

Rule 9: Control your expenses better than your competition. This is where you can 

always find the competitive advantage. For twenty-five years running—long before 

Wal-Mart was known as the nation’s largest retailer—we ranked number one in our 

[3]

industry for the lowest ratio of expenses to sales. You can make a lot of different 

mistakes and still recover if you run an efficient operation. Or you can be brilliant and 

still go out of business if you’re too inefficient. 

Rule 10: Swim upstream. Go the other way. Ignore the conventional wisdom. If 

everybody else is doing it one way, there’s a good chance you can find your niche by 

going in exactly the opposite direction. But be prepared for a lot of folks to wave you 

down and tell you you’re headed the wrong way. I guess in all my years, what I heard 

more often than anything was: a town of less than 50,000 population cannot support a 

discount store for very long. 

Those are some pretty ordinary rules, some would say even simplistic. The hard part, 

the real challenge, is to constantly figure out ways to execute them. You can’t just keep 

doing what works one time, because everything around you is always changing. To 

succeed, you have to stay out in front of that change. 

— Sam Walton with John Huey 

from Sam Walton, Made in America: My Story, 1992 

6 After reading the passage aloud once, say: 

You may take a few minutes to look over The Situation and your notes. 

(Pause) Now I will read the passage aloud a second time. 

7 Read the passage a second time. 

8 After the second reading, say: 

Now turn to page 4 of your examination booklet, read the directions, and 

answer the multiple-choice questions. Be sure to follow all the directions 

given in your examination booklet and your essay booklet. You may now 

begin. 

[4]

SESSION ONE 

E 

FOR TEACHERS ONLY 



ENGLISH 

Wednesday, August 13, 2003— 8:30 to 11:30 a.m., only 

SCORING KEY AND RATING GUIDE 

Mechanics of Rating 

The following procedures are to be used for rating papers in the Comprehensive 

Examination in English. More detailed directions for the organization of the rating 

process and procedures for rating the examination are included in the Information 

Booklet for Administering and Scoring the Comprehensive Examination in English. 

Scoring of Multiple-Choice Questions 

Indicate by means of a checkmark each incorrect or omitted answer to multiplechoice 

questions on the Session One answer sheet; do not place a checkmark beside 

a correct answer. Use only red ink or red pencil. In the box provided under each 

part, record the number of questions the student answered correctly for that part. 

Transfer the number of correct answers for the Part A and Part B multiple-choice 

questions to the appropriate spaces in the box in the upper right corner of each student’s 

SESSION ONE answer sheet. 

Session One 

Correct Answers 

Part A Part B 

(1) 4 (7) 4 

(2) 2 (8) 1 

(3) 1 (9) 2 

(4) 4 (10) 3 

(5) 2 (11) 2 

(6) 3 (12) 3 

(13) 1 

(14) 2 

(15) 2 

(16) 3 


THE STATE EDUCATION DEPARTMENT 

Albany, New York 12234 

[OVER]

COMPREHENSIVE ENGLISH — SESSION ONE — continued 

Rating of Essays 

(1) Follow your school’s procedures for training for rating. This process should include: 

Introduction to the task— 

• Raters read the task and summarize its purpose, audience, and format 

• Raters read passage(s) and plan own response to task 

• Raters share response plans and summarize expectations for student responses 

Introduction to the rubric and anchor papers— 

•Trainer reviews rubric with reference to the task 

•Trainer reviews procedures for assigning scores 

•Trainer leads review of each anchor paper and commentary 

(Note: Anchor papers are ordered from high to low within each score level.) 

Practice scoring individually— 

• Raters score a set of five papers individually 

•Trainer records scores and leads discussion until raters feel confident enough to move 

on to actual scoring 

(2) When actual rating begins, each rater should record his or her individual rating for a 

student’s essay on the rating sheet provided, not directly on the student’s essay or 

answer sheet. Do not correct the student’s work by making insertions or changes of any 

kind. 

(3) Each essay must be rated by at least two raters; a third rater will be necessary to resolve 

scores that differ by more than one point. The scoring coordinator will be responsible 

for coordinating the movement of papers, calculating a final score for each student’s 

essay, and recording that information on the student’s answer paper for Session One. 

[2]

QUALITY 

6 

Responses at this 

level: 

SESSION ONE – PART A – SCORING RUBRIC 

LISTENING AND WRITING FOR INFORMATION AND UNDERSTANDING 

5 


level: 

4 


level: 

3 


level: 

2 


level: 

Meaning: the extent to 

which the response 

exhibits sound 

understanding, 

interpretation, and 

analysis of the task 

and text(s) 

-reveal an in-depth 

analysis of the text 

-make insightful 

connections between 

information and ideas in 

the text and the assigned 

task 

-convey a thorough 

understanding of the text 

-make clear and explicit 




task 

- convey a basic 


-make implicit 




task 

-convey a basic 


-make few or superficial 




task 

-convey a confused or 

inaccurate understanding 

of the text 

-allude to the text but 

make unclear or 

unwarranted 

connections to the 

assigned task 

Development: the 

extent to which ideas 

are elaborated using 

specific and relevant 

evidence from the 

text(s) 

-develop ideas clearly 

and fully, making 

effective use of a wide 

range of relevant and 

specific details from the 

text 


and consistently, using 

relevant and specific 

details from the text 

-develop some ideas 

more fully than others, 

using specific and 

relevant details from the 

text 

-develop ideas briefly, 

using some details from 

the text 

-are incomplete or 

largely undeveloped, 

hinting at ideas, but 

references to the text are 

vague, irrelevant, 

repetitive, or unjustified 

Organization: the 

extent to which the 

response exhibits 

direction, shape, and 

coherence 

-maintain a clear and 

appropriate focus 

-exhibit a logical and 

coherent structure 

through skillful use of 

appropriate devices and 

transitions 



-exhibit a logical 

sequence of ideas 

through use of 


transitions 




sequence of ideas but 

may lack internal 

consistency 

-establish, but fail to 

maintain, an appropriate 

focus 

- exhibit a rudimentary 

structure but may 

include some 

inconsistencies or 

irrelevancies 

-lack an appropriate 

focus but suggest some 

organization, or suggest 

a focus but lack 

organization 

Language Use: the 


response reveals an 

awareness of audience 

and purpose through 

effective use of words, 

sentence structure, 

and sentence variety 

-are stylistically 

sophisticated, using 

language that is precise 

and engaging, with a 

notable sense of voice 

and awareness of 

audience and purpose 

-vary structure and 

length of sentences to 

enhance meaning 

-use language that is 

fluent and original, with 

evident awareness of 




control rhythm and 

pacing 

-use appropriate 

language, with some 


and purpose 

-occasionally make 

effective use of sentence 

structure or length 

-rely on basic 

vocabulary, with little 


or purpose 

-exhibit some attempt to 

vary sentence structure 

or length for effect, but 

with uneven success 


imprecise or unsuitable 

for the audience or 

purpose 

-reveal little awareness 

of how to use sentences 

to achieve an effect 

Conventions: the 



conventional spelling, 

punctuation, 

paragraphing, 

capitalization, 

grammar, and usage 

-demonstrate control of 

the conventions with 

essentially no errors, 

even with sophisticated 

language 


the conventions, 

exhibiting occasional 

errors only when using 

sophisticated language 

-demonstrate partial 

control, exhibiting 

occasional errors that do 

not hinder 

comprehension 

-demonstrate emerging 


occasional errors that 

hinder comprehension 

-demonstrate a lack of 


frequent errors that make 

comprehension difficult 

• If the student writes only a personal response and makes no reference to the text(s), the response can be scored no higher than a 1. 

• Responses totally unrelated to the topic, illegible, incoherent, or blank should be given a 0. 

• A response totally copied from the text(s) with no original student writing should be scored a 0. 

1 


level: 

-provide minimal or no 

evidence of textual 

understanding 

-make no connections 

between information in 


task 

-are minimal, with no 

evidence of development 

-show no focus or 

organization 

-are minimal 


incoherent or 

inappropriate 

-are minimal, making 

assessment of 

conventions unreliable 

- may be illegible or not 

recognizable as English

Part Anchor A — Paper Practice – Part Paper A—Level – A 6 – A 

. 

[4]


[5]


Anchor Level 6 – A 

Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Reveals an in-depth analysis of the text, through a judicious selection of Walton’s rules for 

running a profitable business. The response makes insightful connections between the task and 

text by applying these rules to creating a successful fund-raising campaign. 

Develops ideas clearly and consistently. The response uses relevant and specific details to 

elaborate Walton’s ideas, including communication (In keeping with Walton’s suggestion … I 

propose passing out “idea-sheets”), motivation (each fund-raising group … will complete 

against one another), and appreciation (The group that raises the Most money will get a special 

prize). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on using Walton’s ideas in a fund-raising campaign and 

exhibits a logical and coherent structure, beginning with a statement of purpose (paragraph 

one), then providing an overview of Walton’s account, followed by two paragraphs describing 

ways Walton’s ideas will be applied. The response makes skillful use of appropriate devices 

and transitions within (as well as) and between (First of all) paragraphs. 

Uses language that is stylistically sophisticated, precise, and engaging (Spirit rallies will be 

held … for the ultimate goals) with a notable sense of voice and awareness of audience and 

purpose (I hereby propose some fund-raising ideas that will motivate students and encourage 

them). The response varies sentence length and structure to control rhythm and pacing. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions with essentially no errors. 

Conclusion: Overall, the response best fits the criteria for Level 6, although it is somewhat weaker 

in development. 

[6]

Part Anchor A — Paper Practice – Part Paper A—Level – A 6 – B 

[7]

Anchor Paper – Part A—Level 6 – B 

[8]


Anchor Level 6 – B 

Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Reveals an in-depth analysis of the text, stating I have drawn on the strategies of Sam Walton, 

then incorporating selected strategies into a proposal for a fund-raising campaign. The response 

makes insightful connections to the task (open to suggestion … what kind of fund-raising 

activities, use … profits to recognize student achievement, supply a product or service that 

people really wanted). 

Develops ideas clearly and fully, using a wide range of details to elaborate on several of 

Walton’s principles, including commitment (that enthusiasion will spread), communication 

(“The more they understand, the more they care”), and celebrating successes (“loosen up” and 

“have fun”). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on employing Walton’s ideas in a fund-raising plan. 

The response exhibits a logical and coherent structure, moving from a general statement of 

purpose through the specific application of several strategies, making effective use of 

transitions (Another strategy, Perhaps the most important, Finally). 

Uses language that is fluent and original (launch some high-energy projects, plans and progress 

via the morning announcements, unspoken hierarchy) with an evident awareness of audience 

and purpose. The response varies sentence length and structure to control rhythm and pacing. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting occasional errors. 


in language use and conventions. 

[9]


[10]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a though understanding of the text, identifying a variety of Walton’s strategies to 

employ in our own upcoming fund-raising campaign. Connections to the task are generally 

clear and explicit (We need everyone to participate and I suggest a little bit of competition). 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. The response uses Walton’s ideas (“swim 

upstream” and “satisfaction guaranteed”) to discuss what should be sold. The ideas of passion, 

commitment, and motivation are less well developed. 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on applying Walton’s strategies to the fund-raising 

campaign, exhibiting a generally logical sequence of ideas, with each paragraph combining like 

ideas from the text, and the conclusion unifying the task. The response includes appropriate 

devices and transitions (but in reality, as stated in rule seven, Hopefully, in the end). 

Uses language that is generally fluent and original (a world apart, our collective goal, spur our 

fund-raising, keep a running tally), with evident awareness of audience and purpose. The 

response varies sentences to control rhythm and pacing. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (similiarities) 

and usage (alot). 



[11]


[12]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a thorough understanding of the text and the task stating some of Walton’s main ideas 

… can be applied to the fund-raising program in our class. The response makes explicit 

connections to the task (Walton has some ideas on how to develop … loyalty and passion). 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. The response develops the idea of hard work with 

relevant details from the text (Rewards, motivation, appreciation). Product satisfaction is less 

developed. 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on using Walton’s ideas to create a very lucrative … 

fund-raising business. The response exhibits a logical sequence of ideas, first establishing the 

need for a successful fund-raising effort, and then proposing ways in which to accomplish this 

goal. Appropriate transitional devices are used (As you know, In researching ideas, We also 

need). 

Uses language that is generally fluent, although occasionally imprecise (We need a product that 

we can … confide in), with evident awareness of audience and purpose. The response varies 

structure and length of sentences successfully (I understand … in our class). 

Demonstrates control of conventions, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (unconscience and 

Noone), punctuation (Rewards, 1st), and preposition use (rules to developing), and also a 

misplaced modifier (business, though environmentally unconscience, Wal-Mart). 



[13]

Part Anchor A — Paper Practice – Part Paper A—Level – A 5 – C 

[14]


Anchor Level 5 – C 

Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a thorough understanding of the text, presenting some of Walton’s creative and 

innovative business stratgis. Explicit connections are made to the task (you must work hard and 

get the students … to love their work). 

Develops ideas clearly and consistently. The response discusses the importance of Walton’s 

ideas for successful fund-raising activities: teamwork (start with the class officeis), competition 

(Maybe we should introduce a prize), and appreciation (make sure we are fully grateful to 

everyone). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on a new look on fund-raising. The response exhibits a 

logical sequence of ideas, first establishing the importance of Sam Walton’s strategies for fundraising, 

then using appropriate transitions to present main ideas (in order to be successful, In 

addition, Finally). 

Uses language that is generally appropriate with evident awareness of audience and purpose (we 

can have the greatist fund-raising year so far). The response occasionally makes effective use 

of sentence length (This method proved beneficial for Wal-Mart). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (stratgis, officeis, closly), 

punctuation (Finally I), and usage (you must .… We should) that do not hinder comprehension. 

Conclusion: Overall, the response best fits the criteria for Level 5, although it is somewhat 

weaker in language use and conventions. 

[15]


[16]

Anchor Part A Paper — Practice – Part Paper A—Level – A 4 – A 

[17]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a thorough understanding of the text, identifying Walton’s business strategies. The 

response makes clear and explicit connections to the task by applying these strategies to a fundraising 

campaign. 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. Some of Walton’s strategies (partnership, 

controlling expenses, swimming upstream) are developed with relevant examples. Other 

strategies (“committment”, “share all profits”, “motivate”) are listed with little elaboration. 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on using Walton’s business stategies for a successful … 

fund-raising effort. The response exhibits a logical sequence of ideas through the use of 

appropriate devices and transitions within paragraphs (By becoming partners, First of all, Next, 

Finally, not only … but also), although transitions between paragraphs are lacking. 

Uses generally appropriate language that is occasionally imprecise (the structure of a 

graduating class), with some awareness of audience and purpose (I hope that you agree). 

Sentences are generally effective. 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (committment and 

exceding), punctuation (missing commas), and grammar (everyone … our … we) that do not 

hinder comprehension. 


stronger in meaning and organization. 

[18]


[19]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a basic and sometimes unclear understanding of the text (If only part of the class is 

motivated, the fundraiser will be more productive). Connections to the task are generally clear. 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. The response uses relevant details from Walton’s 

strategies to discuss the need for communication (listen to everyone, including the ones who 

think your going about it all wrong). The discussion of motivation and celebration are 

developed largely through generalizations. 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on improving the upcoming fundraiser by applying the 

thoughts and strageties of Sam Walton. The response generally exhibits a logical sequence of 

ideas, but is weakened by the lack of internal transition especially in paragraph 2. 

Uses language that is generally appropriate, although sometimes imprecise (excess benefits) and 

informal (in sync). The response occasionally makes effective use of sentence structure 

(Motivation, communication and celebration are key to making it a success). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting errors in spelling (strageties, buisness, congradulated, 

incorperating), punctuation, capitalization (in sync. the whole), grammar (you …celebrate … 

our failures and it cost), and usage (your for “you’re”) that do not hinder comprehension. 

Conclusion: Overall, the response best fits the criteria for Level 4 in all qualities. 

[20]


[21]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a basic understanding of the text, proposing Sam Walton’s business strategies be used 

to shed some light on our campaign. Connections to the task are implicit (His principles one 

through seven all give us ways to do this). 

Briefly develops the concepts of customer relations; going against conservative, mainstream 

tactics; and learning from the fund-raising experience, using some details from the text. 

However, seven of Walton’s rules are stated, without elaboration. 

Maintains a generally appropriate focus (Walton’s principles … could make us more effective 

fund-raisers). Ideas flow logically, following the sequence of the text. The response makes use 

of some appropropriate transitions (hopefully, not only … but also, in the end). However, listing 

Walton’s principles in one sentence creates internal inconsistency. 

Uses language that is generally appropriate (helpful suggestions and how much we truly value), 

although occasionally awkward (will be at the least … effective towards), with some awareness 

of audience and purpose. The response attempts to vary sentence structure with uneven success 

(For an overall “healthy” environment … some interesting hints). 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting occasional errors in punctuation and 

agreement (we should … you appreciate) that do not hinder comprehension. 


weaker in development. 

[22]


[23]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a basic understanding of the text, identifying some of Walton’s idias and strategese. 

Connections to the task are generally implicit (I have a good plan). 

Develops some ideas briefly, using details from the text (owner of the wordls largest retial 

stores, communicate … the more they know, apprisiate everything), although development is 

sometimes vague (If no one is having fun I will have to do something to make it fun). 

Establishes a focus in the opening paragraph on a plan … to run a succesfull … campian, but 

does not maintain that focus. The response exhibits a rudimentary structure, but the lengthy 

second paragraph contains several unconnected ideas. The conclusion, while attempting to 

return to the focus, is somewhat overstated. 

Relies on basic vocabulary (good plan, going to run it, almost anyhing) with some awareness of 

audience and purpose. The response attempts to vary sentence structure with uneven success. 

(Sam Waltons rule that I found very true and realistic … and they will return). 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting frequent errors in spelling (retial, idias, succesfull, 

exied) and punctuation that hinder comprehension. 


stronger in meaning. 

[24]


[25]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a basic understanding of the text, stating a must is work hard and build a team, then 

enumerating Walton’s ten rules. The response makes few connections between the task and text 

(They are all easy to do, the campaign is like a business, If the contributers see you working 

hard). 

Is largely undeveloped. The response hints at some ideas (Day by day Challenge your team and 

Telling someone they did a good job will make them want to do it again) and makes reference to 

Walton’s ten rules, but no application of the rules to the fund-raiser is developed. 

Establishes an appropriate focus (A successful fund-raising campaign can be astablished with 

Sam Walton’s business strategies), but provides too little evidence to maintain that focus. The 

response exhibits a rudimentary structure, with ideas closely following the sequence of the text. 

The conclusion attemps to return to the original focus, but does not effectively summarize the 

response. 

Relies on basic vocabulary (You need a team that works together, Make everything interesting, 

make everyone happy) with some awareness of audience and purpose. The response relies on 

simple sentences, occasionally attempting to vary sentence structure with uneven success (they 

will want to give your campaign money over others). 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting frequent errors in spelling (astablished, committ, 

Apprecaite, Cellebrate, hummor, Guarenteed, expences) and punctuation (missing commas), 

and occasional errors in grammar (rules … is and taken serious) and usage (to for “too”) that 

hinder comprehension. 


stronger in conventions and somewhat weaker in development. 

[26]


[27]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a basic understanding of the text, stating Sam Walton … has some great strategies. 

The response makes a superficial connection to the task in the opening sentence, and again in 

the conclusion (If we use these ideas we can have a succesful fundraising campaign). 

Is largely undeveloped. The response hints at ideas from the text (you need to work hard and 

You need to form a team) and refers to Walton’s ten rules, but elaborates on none. 

Suggests a focus in the final sentence. The rudimentary structure is comprised of one paragraph 

enumerating Walton’s ten rules, but no application of the rules to the task is made. 

Relies on basic vocabulary (Sam Walton who is a business man) with little awareness of 

audience and purpose. The response relies heavily on simple sentences using you as the subject. 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (succesful) and frequent 

errors in punctuation (missing end punctuation, commas, and apostrophes) that hinder 

comprehension. 



[28]


[29]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a basic understanding of the text, identifying some of Walton’s ideas (you Must create 

a team of people. You Should Break Some of the Rules … Sam Walton had 10 Rules for 

Building a Business) although some information from the text is confused (he Challenged his 

own Rules he fough them But Respected them). Connections to the task are unclear (In order to 

be a successful planner you must want to work hard). 

Is largely undeveloped. The response hints at ideas, but references to the text are vague (He had 

to start adopting to New principles And partnership), irrelevant (a town of 50,000 can’t support 

a store), or unjustified (Swim upstream … Be prepared for people to pull you down). 

Suggests a focus on how Walton’s business strategies would contribute to a succeessful fundraising 

campaign, and suggests some organization through the use of paragraphing and some 

transitions. However, paragraphs generally contain unconnected ideas. 

Uses language that is imprecise (covered all principles and can’t just keep going just keep on 

over riding the Rules), with some vocabulary extracted from the situation (paragraph 1). The 

response reveals little awareness of how to use sentences effectively. 

Demonstrates a lack of control, exhibiting frequent errors in spelling (purposal, alot, fough, 

succedd), punctuation, capitalization, and usage (don’t never) that make comprehension 

difficult. 


stronger in meaning. 

[30]


[31]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a generally inaccurate understanding of the text, misinterpreting Walton’s rules and 

business strategies (he makes rules up to keep him on task and ready for the unexpected). The 

single connection to the task is unclear (Thinking of strategies for a successful fund-raising 

campaign can be fun and stressful). 

Is incomplete. The response attempts to develop the ideas of teamwork, motivation, and 

listening, but references to the text are vague (Sam said he likes a team that work together, 

Motivation play a big role if you want success, the more your partner knows, the more he or she 

understands things). The topics of language and organization are taken from the task guidelines. 

Lacks an appropriate focus, but suggests some organization, dividing the response into an 

introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, connections within and between 

paragraphs are lacking. 

Uses language that is generally imprecise (Team work makes a good team … what he or she do) 

and clichéd (A team that works together stays together). The response reveals little awareness 

of how to use sentences effectively (Sam said he likes a team that work together, and hard 

work). 

Demonstrates a lack of control, exhibiting frequent errors in spelling (awearness, helpping, 

releave), punctuation (missing commas and apostrophes), grammar (he or she do, Motivation 

play, person dont, while you in, person … their), and usage (to for “too”, he or she for “his or 

her”, a for “an”, well for “good”) that hinder comprehension. 


[32]


[33]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a confused understanding of the text, stating Sam Walton’s has business which from 

this he gain alot of knowledge. Connections to the task are unclear (We also would like to share 

of prompt with all your social) and unwarranted (he would be a good fund-raising). 

Is largely undeveloped. The response hints at ideas about building a team and holding fund 

raisers, but references to the text are vague (I would like first to start by make a team with hard 

worker people and make a sale of food and also make dance). 

Suggests a focus on fund-raising, and suggests some organization. The response attempts an 

introduction, two supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion; however, each paragraph contains 

incomplete ideas, undermining overall coherence. 

Uses language that is generally imprecise (proposal a faculty class and built a fund-raising), 

relying on language extracted from the prompt and multiple-choice questions (The speaker also 

implies … team building). The response contains some language that is incoherent. 

Demonstrates a lack of control, exhibiting frequent errors in punctuation, the transposition of 

nouns and verbs (a successful fund-raising), and errors in verb use (start by make a team and 

business is fail) that make comprehension difficult. 


[34]


[35]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides no evidence of textual understanding. The response discusses plans to raise funds in 

terms of doing bake sales, car washes, donations and special events, making no connections 

between information in the text and the assigned task. 

Is minimal, with no evidence of textual development. While the response notes the purpose 

(When trying to raise money), support is drawn from personal experience. 

Suggests a focus on raising money, and suggests some organization through paragraphing and 

the use of some transitions (Not only … but also and as well as). However, the single paragraph 

contains numerous unconnected ideas, and the conclusion shifts the focus to parental 

involvement. 

Uses vocabulary that is basic, with little awareness of audience and purpose. The response 

attempts to vary sentence length and structure with uneven success (With donations, I would 

just ask those doing the Fund raiser to … go around to local stores). 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting errors in spelling (recieve), punctuation, and 

preposition use (In which if, off on, As of) that hinder comprehension. 

Conclusion: Although the response fits criteria for Levels 1, 2, and 3, it remains at Level 1 

because it makes no reference to the text. 

[36]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides minimal evidence of textual understanding, making only one unclear connection 

between the text and task (to have a successful campaign … our class … should take Walmart’s 

business strategies). 

Is minimal. The single reference to the text is unjustified (On his list he didn’t have hard work 

and a idea of building A team). 

Suggests a focus on a successful campaign, but the remainder of the paragraph does not support 

the focus. 

Uses language that is minimal, approaching incoherence (that will not succeed our fund-raising 

campaign). 

Is minimal, making assessment of conventions unreliable. 


stronger in organization. 

[37]

Part A — Practice Paper – A 

[38]


[39]

Part A — Practice Paper – B 

[40]


[41]

Part A — Practice Paper – C 

[42]


[43]

Part A — Practice Paper – D 

[44]


[45]

Part A — Practice Paper – E 

[46]


[47]

Practice Paper A–Score Level 4 



Practice Paper B–Score Level 3 


Practice Paper C–Score Level 5 


stronger in language use and somewhat weaker in development. 

Practice Paper D–Score Level 2 


Practice Paper E–Score Level 3 


[48]

SESSION ONE – PART B – SCORING RUBRIC 

READING AND WRITING FOR INFORMATION AND UNDERSTANDING 

QUALITY 

6 


level: 

5 


level: 

4 


level: 

3 


level: 

2 


level: 







and text(s) 

-reveal an in-depth 

analysis of the 

documents 




the documents and the 

assigned task 

-convey a thorough 

understanding of the 

documents 





assigned task 

- convey a basic 


documents 





assigned task 

-convey a basic 


documents 





assigned task 


inaccurate understanding 

of the documents 

-allude to the documents 

but make unclear or 

unwarranted 

connections to the 

assigned task 






document(s) 





specific details from the 

documents 


and consistently, using 

relevant and specific 

details from the 

documents 



using specific and 

relevant details from the 

documents 


using some details from 

the documents 




references to the 

documents are vague, 

irrelevant, repetitive, or 

unjustified 





coherence 







transitions 







transitions 






consistency 



focus 



include some 


irrelevancies 





organization 


























pacing 




and purpose 







or purpose 








purpose 








punctuation, 

paragraphing, 







language 









not hinder 

comprehension 









• If the student addresses only one text, the response can be scored no higher than a 3. 




1 


level: 


evidence of 

understanding 


between information in 


assigned task 




organization 

-are minimal 


predominantly 

incoherent, 

inappropriate, or copied 

directly from the text 


assessment of 


-may be illegible or not 

recognizable as English 

[49]

Part Anchor A — Paper Practice – Part Paper B—Level – A 6 – A 

. 

[50]


[51]

Part Anchor A — Paper Practice – Part Paper A—Level B—Level – A 

6 – A 


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Reveals an in-depth analysis of the documents and the task by making recommendations for a 

playground that cover all key ideas. The response makes insightful connections to the task (If 

we don’t provide a skateboarding area … a good place to skateboard). 

Develops ideas clearly and fully. The response effectively uses a wide range of relevant and 

specific details from the documents, particularly in discussing cover material and 

accomodations … for the teenagers (Teens love to use their skateboards but often do so in 

public places where they might pose a danger to themselves and others). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on the qualities of a successful playground (a safe, 

secure hub of activity). The response uses transitions skillfully to connect main arguments 

between (For safety, As for the play area itself, Some accommodations … need to be made, 

Lastly) and within paragraphs (According to, Since, Also, By encouraging). 

Is stylistically sophisticated, using language that is precise and engaging (we will want to 

include amenities like park benches … so that adults will be encouraged to use the space as 

well). The response exhibits a notable sense of voice and awareness of audience (I would 

recommend and we should provide). Long, complex sentences are well controlled. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions with essentially no errors, even with sophisticated 

language. 


[52]

Anchor Paper – Part B—Level 6 – B 

[53]


[54]


[55]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Reveals an in-depth analysis of the documents by discussing a plan for a playground that will 

successfully contribute to the community. The response makes insightful connections between 

the text and the task (A unique feature within the playground, such as a sculpture of a buffalo, 

would bring a “sense of identity” to our town, as well as serve to beautify the environment). 

Clearly and fully develops key ideas of surface materials, child development, and community 

needs and benefits. The response uses a wide range of relevant and specific details from the 

documents (While it may be a dirtier material than woodchips, it does not compress easily and 

does not conceal sharp objects and Our playground should include activities that serve to 

increase children’s upper-body strength, as well as equipment to improve their climbing and 

balancing skills). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on a safe and satisfying playground. The response 

exhibits a logical and coherent structure organizing information into categories of safety via 

surface materials; structures promoting physical, creative, and social development; and services 

for all the community. Transitions are skillfully used (This playground, aside from providing 

for our children, should be built with the whole community in mind; Furthermore; Through 

such a plan). 

Is stylistically sophisticated, using language that is precise (In matters of safety, the 

construction, as well as the materials used in the playground, play a central role and Such 

amenities would enhance the playground’s role). Meaning is enhanced by varied sentence 

structures which integrate quoted material and exhibit a sense of voice (I propose that these 

material and structural recommendations be incorporated into our playground). 



[56]

Anchor Paper – Part B—Level 5 – A 

[57]


[58]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a thorough understanding of the documents by discussing the key factors necessary to 

design and build a community playground. The response makes explicit connections between 

the documents and the task, providing specific structural designs needed to construct a safe and 

usable community playground. 

Develops ideas clearly and consistently. The response uses relevant details from the text 

(window, counter, trains, ships, steering wheels) and the table (Fine gravel … beneath all 

structures) to develop playground design and safety. 

Maintains a clear focus on constructing a safe, enjoyable, and stimulating community 

playground. The response is logically structured, following the organizational pattern 

established in the introduction. Transitions are used skillfully (While having fun is essential … 

is also important and A playground which incorporates all of these elements). 

Uses language that is fluent and original (these attributes and partake in events) although 

occasionally awkward (One third element and Areas … distributed throughout). Sentence 

structure is varied and long, complex sentences are well controlled. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions with few errors. 



[59]

Part Anchor A — Paper Practice – Part Paper B—Level – A 5 – B 

[60]


[61]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a thorough understanding of the documents by discussing the characteristics of a safe 

and well designed community playground. The response clearly connects the documents and 

the task, using information from the table (I … recomend … wood chips) and the text (find the 

perfect balance of safety, uniqueness and selection of equipment) for a playground planning 

committee report. 

Develops ideas clearly and consistently, using specific details about playground safety 

(handicap accessibility and the need to keep vandalism … to a minimum) and design (modular 

play structure and a counter) to support playground recommendations. 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on community playground design, incorporating safety 

features. Ideas are logically sequenced (safety, uniqueness, quality activities, and comfort), 

through strong topic sentences (The safety of the equipment should be our most important 

concern) and transitions. 

Uses language that is generally fluent and original (reflection of our community and area 

designated) but sometimes imprecise (factoring in all other factors and for the kids). Sentence 

structures vary and are well controlled (What makes a good community park and So, do you 

want to look like an oridinary community, or do you want to be unique). 

Demonstrates control of the conventions with few errors. 


[62]

Part Anchor A — Paper Practice – Part Paper B—Level – A 5 – C 

[63]

Anchor Paper – Part B—Level 5 – C 

[64]


Quality 

Commentary 

The response: 

Meaning Conveys a thorough understanding of the text by discussing a playground design allowing for 

active … constructive … and social play, and the table by discussing fine gravel as the best 

solution for a safe and cost-effective playground surface. The response makes clear connections 

to the task by establishing the necessity for a useful design. 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Develops ideas clearly and consistently, citing relevant and specific details from the text about 

playground construction (sand and water, a playhouse, steering wheels), accessibility 

(necessary ramps), age appropriateness (two to teenagers), and comfort (a shaded area). 

Relevant details from the table are used to develop the element of safety (is not flammable and 

can provide protection). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus, recommending a design for a community playground. 

Paragraphs are logically sequenced and transitions are achieved through emphatic topic 

sentences (To create active play, the playground structure should have pipe and plastic 

structures). 

Uses language that is fluent and sometimes original (imaginations could run wild from 

pretending) with evident awareness of audience and purpose (Please keep … in mind when 

reviewing all recommended designs). The response varies structure and length of sentences but 

is somewhat flawed by the repetition of should, could and would. 

Demonstrates control of conventions, exhibiting errors in punctuation (First of all it) and 

agreement (our community … are and a child … they) when using sophisticated language. 


[65]

Anchor Part B — Paper Practice – Part Paper B—Level – A 4 – A 

[66]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a basic understanding of the documents and task by proposing a big play structure 

(ship) in the center of a sandpit. Connections between the documents and task are generally 

explicit (a ramp … providing access for the disabled and to prevent vandalism … welcome 

adolescents), though a misunderstanding of some playground components (“transaction 

interface”) is evident. 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. The prevention of vandalism is developed using 

apropriate details from the text, but the idea of uniqueness is less developed. The response 

makes use of supporting detail not found in the documents (monkey bars and picnic tables). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on designing a playscape, but some paragraphs contain 

several ideas and the idea of safety recurs in paragraphs 2 and 3. 

Uses generally appropriate language (Water will very slowly trickle out of the ship’s sides) with 

some awareness of audience and purpose (I’ve developed a playscape that will do this), but 

some language is imprecise (will also provide the necissity for social play, trinkets / gadgets, 

fall off the ship according to the chart). Attempts at sentence variety are not always successful 

(Next you must provide a constructive building setting). 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (accessibility 

and neccessary), punctuation (childrens’), and usage of prepositions (access to the disabled and 

off of). 


stronger in conventions. 

[67]

Anchor Part B — Paper Practice – Part Paper B—Level – A 4 – B 

[68]


[69]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a basic understanding of the documents, explaining that the proposed “playscape” 

will emphasize that “the total environment can contribute to play value.” The response makes 

generally clear connections between the documents and the task (To make the playground … 

unique and To make the playground safe). 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. The response develops the ways in which 

playgrounds can enhance imaginative play (On the ship there will be a variety of controls, a 

“transaction interface”, semi-enclosed spaces) and the benefits of the surface material … wood 

chips (paragraph 3). Active play needs and assess for the diabled are only briefly mentioned. 

Maintains an appropriate focus on a playground for the community, but lacks internal 

consistency. Because the response is organized by source of information (paragraph 2 from the 

text; paragraph 3 from the table) rather than by topic, related ideas are sometimes separated 

(brief ideas about supervision appear in paragraphs 2 and 3) and distantly related ideas 

sometimes appear together (In paragraph 2 active play needs is followed, without transition, by 

a sentence about children’s freedom and imagination). 

Uses generally appropriate language that is sometimes imprecise (provides children to use) with 

some awareness of audience and purpose. The response occasionally makes effective use of 

sentence structure (The playground will provide the children with the freedom to use their 

imagination and be adventurous). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (some where, binoculers, 

extremly), comma usage (To make the playground some what unique it will), and usage (Their 

for “There”) that do not hinder comprehension. 


[70]

Anchor Part B — Paper Practice – Part Paper B—Level – A 4 – C 

[71]


[72]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a basic understanding of the documents asserting, as the prompt suggests, that the 

playground must be safe and must meet the needs of its users. Links to the task are limited to 

vague assertions (contribute to a child’s development, grow mentally, shredded tires are the 

most effective). 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. The discussion of safety contains several details 

from the table, but discussions of other aspects of playground design blend details from the 

documents with unsupported opinions (Climbing and building structures should also be added 

and Giving them the sense of a house allows kids to imagine that it is their own). 

Establishes a focus on aspects of a play ground which will assure that it will be accessible to all 

and meet everyone’s needs. The response follows the organization of the documents, moving 

from modular play structures, to social play, to accessibility, and finally to safety; but is 

internally inconsistent, making reference to all those who wish to use it, but discussing only one 

group. 

Relies on basic vocabulary with some awareness of audience and purpose (A lot of planning 

must go into designing a playground). Some attempts to vary sentence structure result in 

sentence errors (What kind of structures would we want, what kind of flooring is the safest). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (decied and saftey), 

punctuation (comma use), and pronoun use that do not hinder comprehension. 


in language use. 

[73]


[74]


[75]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a basic understanding of the text by explaining some things needed for a playground 

(safety, exercise, constructive play). The response makes few and sometimes unclear 

connections to the task (A playground should also help children to identify their 

sourroundings). There is no reference to the table. 

Develops ideas briefly. Some references to the text are relevant (The play area should be 

accessable to every child), while others are vague (the best playing materials are the ones 

children build themselves). 

Establishes a focus in the second paragraph on a playground to meet the wants of our children. 

The response exhibits a rudimentary structure which closely follows the order of the text. 

Inconsistencies result from frequent shifts of focus within paragraphs (paragraph 3 shifts from 

adult supervision to sourroundings to disabilities and the last paragraph shifts from age to 

resting area to a clean bathroom). There is no conclusion. 

Relies on basic vocabulary (they love water more than anyone else). The response uses 

language that is sometimes imprecise (materials be safe for goods and objects … helps them to 

idealize) or unsuitable (sadly so). Attempts to vary sentence structure result in frequent run ons. 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (Overtime, deaft ect., 

play time) and grammar (adults seems to forget their adoloscent teens mainly because they see 

them … when they get involve with all sort of things), and exhibiting occasional errors in 

inflectional endings (ensure and involve) that hinder comprehension. 


[76]


[77]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a basic understanding of the documents, identifying the components of a playground 

(The new playscape … will be for active play, a “place to hang out”, accessible … and … built 

for comfort). The response makes few and sometimes unclear connections to the task (Our town 

is getting a playscape because its been influenced and persuaded by the local people). 

Develops ideas briefly, using some details from the documents (social play, uniqueness, wheel 

chairs, age appropriate, Comfort, Materials … for landscape). Although references to the table 

are relevant, references to the text are often vague and repetitive (Comfort in the playgrounds 

needs to be suitable, If the children are not comfortable, Comfort is another advantage). 

Organization Establishes a focus on the creation of a bigger, safer playground, but loses focus in paragraph 2 

(People don’t much to leisure their time on). The response exhibits a rudimentary structure, 

largely following the order of topics in the documents (uniqueness, Accessibility, age 

appropriate, the table) but includes inconsistencies. Paragraph 3 introduces the topic of 

uniqueness and this topic continues in paragraph 4, which abruptly switches to the topic of 

accessibility. 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Uses language that is imprecise (a place of recreation ranging from all ages, for all ethic 

groups, will be able to people). The response exhibits some attempt to vary sentence structure, 

but with uneven success. 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting occasional errors in the use of commas (Though it 

has advantages it has disvantages, from this material clothes will get soiled, falling on this 

might cause bruises) and apostrophes (thats, its, With adults supervision) that hinder 




[78]


[79]


Quality 

Commentary 

The response: 

Meaning Conveys a basic understanding of the documents by stating the playground needed is an active - 

social play combination. The response makes few connections to the text and only one 

connection to the table (Surface materials … of … shredded tires … provide maximum 

protection). 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Is largely undeveloped, hinting at ideas (The playground must also be handicap accessible and 

The active-social play design provides the needs of active children), but references to the text 

are repetitive and unelaborated. 

Establishes a focus on presenting a playground plan and exhibits a rudimentary structure of 

three paragraphs for an introduction, body, and conclusion. Transitions are missing or 

ineffective (repetition of active-social play). 

Relies on basic vocabulary (I have come to the conclusion and a safe and good way). Sentence 

strucures vary somewhat but are not always effective (The active-social play design provides 

the needs of active children and with the social combination, if teens want to gather and talk 

they can). 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting occasional errors in punctuation (can, also) and 

preposition use (protection of falling children and the needs for active children) that hinder 


Conclusion: Overall, the response best fits the criteria for Level 3, though it is somewhat weaker 


[80]


[81]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a confused understanding of the documents, recommending several playground 

features not in the documents (a pool, food machines, changing areas). The response makes 

unwarranted connections to the task (There also should be an area where just infants can play). 

Is incomplete, hinting at ideas about features and safety (accessible entrance ramps, pool 

tables, televisions, bathrooms, and wood chips). 

Lacks an appropriate focus (playground should be people friendly), but suggests some 

organization. The response combines in a single paragraph the need for a playground, safety 

features (entrance ramps and wood chips), and comforts (food machines and showers). 

Relies on basic vocabulary, using some imprecise language (drinking fountains with 

bathrooms). The response shows little awareness of audience (enjoy your day). Longer 

sentences are occasionally effective (Parents should have their own areas where they can 

socialize with other parents, and watch their kids at the same time). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in punctuation (omitting quotation 

marks around hang out), paragraphing (omitting indentation for new topic sentence The 

playground … as possible), and capitalization (there should and thank you) that do not hinder 



stronger in language use and conventions. 

[82]


[83]


[84]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a confused understanding of the text (there is alot different types of how to built a 

playground) and the table (I recommond if we use grass insted of sand it would be more safety). 

The response makes few connections to the task. 

Is largely undeveloped, hinting at ideas, but references to the text are vague, repetitive (I also 

recommond to find a place with enough space to built because we have childrens who uses 

wheelchair and for them we need to have enough space), or irrelevant (potential user can find 

peace). 

Suggests a focus on how to built a playground and suggests some organization through 

repetitive transitions (My recommendation for a playground is, I recommond, I also 

recommond). Organization is weakened by a conclusion that introduces ideas not covered in the 

response (a place where our user come to find fun, freedom and feel comfatable). 

Uses language that is imprecise (that can be safety or dangers, in taking to childrent to a 

doctor, they are not enough mature to know what it is danger or not). Sentences are often 

ineffective or uncontrolled (It would be more expensive … also can be swallowed etc.). 

Demonstrates a lack of control, exhibiting frequent errors in spelling (sarrounded, recommond, 

insted), punctuation (In other words a place and They could feel safety:), and misuse of 

inflectional endings (to built, be more safety, our children’s, childrens who uses) that hinder 



[85]


[86]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a confused understanding of the text, stating that in our committee you want to have a 

Creatives playgrounds where any one can come to enjoy their self by different aspects. The 

response alludes to the text, but connections are unclear (First of all “Playgrounds” is a 

creative where you can find many different characteristics play) or unwarranted (I demand you 

to accept my wrds about it). There is no reference to the table. 

Is largely undeveloped, using only vague references to the text (How, people, children can 

enjoy their self in play what ever they want and we need more places for children, about the 

zoo, interesting climbers). 

Suggests a focus on playground design and suggests some organization. An introduction 

containing the need to recommend a design for the playground, is followed by a paragraph 

suggesting aspects of the playground. A conclusion mentions playground supervision. Ideas 

within paragraphs are disorganized. 

Uses language that is imprecise (Here we need you know, our port necessery about the active 

play and We need more permit where they can have more permit) and occasionally incoherent 

(About “adventure” is a term where you can find a place, whom we talk about). Sentence 

structure is generally flawed (“Play adventure” is a term … whatever they want). 

Demonstrates a lack of control, exhibiting frequent errors in spelling (oportinity, necessery, 

succesfel), punctuation (I’am), capitalization (Committee, explain How, How He has been 

Create), and usage (anyone can come to enjoy their self) that make comprehension difficult. 


[87]


[88]


[89]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides minimal evidence of understanding primarily consisting of words copied from the 

task, documents, and multiple-choice questions. The response makes no original connections 

between information in the text and the assigned task. 

Is largely undeveloped, consisting of phrases taken from the documents that are neither 

elaborated nor integrated within the response. 

Suggests a focus in the first paragraph by copying phrases from the task (recommend, 

incorporates elements of safety … of potential users) and suggests an organization with a body 

paragraph made up of unconnected ideas copied from the documents, concluding in the final 

paragraph with a repetition of copied phrases used in the first paragraph. 

Is minimal. The response uses language predominately and sometimes incorrectly copied from 

the documents. The response’s original language is mostly incoherent (a important role to build 

important place to use to children to play). 

Is minimal, relying almost completely on the documents and using little original work making 

assessment of conventions unreliable. 



[90]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides minimal evidence of textual understanding. The response alludes to a cost-effective, 

safe playground but no connection is made between the text and the assigned task. There is no 

reference to the table. 

Is minimal. Three ideas from the text are introduced in single sentences. 

Suggests a focus on the idea that playgrounds should be cost-effective, safe, and provide 

exercize for children. The response shows no organization. 

Is minimal, consisting of three sentences. 




[91]

Part B — Practice Paper – A 

[92]


[93]

Part B — Practice Paper – B 

[94]

Part B — Practice Paper – C 

[95]


[96]


[97]

Part B — Practice Paper – D 

[98]


[99]

Part B — Practice Paper – E 

[100]


[101]








in conventions. 






[102]

[103]

[104]


SESSION TWO 


COMPREHENSIVE EXAMINATION 

IN 

ENGLISH 

SESSION TWO 

Thursday, August 14, 2003 — 8:30 to 11:30 a.m., only 

The last page of this booklet is the answer sheet for the multiple-choice 

questions. Fold the last page along the perforations and, slowly and carefully, tear 

off the answer sheet. Then fill in the heading of your answer sheet. Now circle 

“Session Two” and fill in the heading of each page of your essay booklet. 

This session of the examination has two parts. For Part A, you are to answer 

all ten multiple-choice questions and write a response, as directed. For Part B, you 

are to write a response, as directed. 

When you have completed this session of the examination, you must sign the 

statement printed at the end of the answer sheet, indicating that you had no 

unlawful knowledge of the questions or answers prior to the session and that you 

have neither given nor received assistance in answering any of the questions 

during the session. Your answer sheet cannot be accepted if you fail to sign this 

declaration. 

DO NOT OPEN THIS EXAMINATION BOOKLET UNTIL THE SIGNAL IS GIVEN.

Part A 

Directions: Read the passages on the following pages (an essay and a poem). Write the number of the answer 

to each multiple-choice question on your answer sheet. Then write the essay in your essay booklet as described 

in Your Task. You may use the margins to take notes as you read and scrap paper to plan your response. 

Your Task: 

After you have read the passages and answered the multiple-choice questions, 

write a unified essay about reaching beyond oneself as revealed in the 

passages. In your essay, use ideas from both passages to establish a controlling 

idea about reaching beyond oneself. Using evidence from each passage, 

develop your controlling idea and show how the author uses specific literary 

elements or techniques to convey that idea. 

Guidelines: 

Be sure to 

• Use ideas from both passages to establish a controlling idea about reaching beyond 

oneself 

• Use specific and relevant evidence from each passage to develop your controlling 

idea 

• Show how each author uses specific literary elements (for example: theme, 

characterization, structure, point of view) or techniques (for example: symbolism, 

irony, figurative language) to convey the controlling idea 


• Use language that communicates ideas effectively 


Comp. Eng. — Session Two – Aug. ’03 [2]

5 

10 

15 

20 

25 

30 

35 

40 

45 

Passage I 

A round, green cardboard sign hangs from a string proclaiming, “We built a proud 

new feeling,” the slogan of a local supermarket. It is a souvenir from one of my 

brother’s last jobs. In addition to being a bagger, he’s worked at a fast-food 

restaurant, a gas station, a garage and a textile factory. Now, in the icy clutches of the 

Northeastern winter, he is unemployed. He will soon be a father. He is 19 years old. 

In mid-December I was at Stanford, among the palm trees and weighty chores 

of academe. And all I wanted to do was get out. I joined the rest of the 

undergrads in a chorus of excitement, singing the praises of Christmas break. No 

classes, no midterms, no finals . . . and no freshmen! (I’m a resident assistant.) 

Awesome! I was looking forward to escaping. I never gave a thought to what I was 

escaping to. 

Once I got home to New Jersey, reality returned. My dreaded freshmen had 

been replaced by unemployed relatives; badgering professors had been replaced 

by hard-working single mothers, and cold classrooms by dilapidated bedrooms 

and kitchens. The room in which the “proud new feeling” sign hung contained 

the belongings of myself, my mom and my brother. But for these two weeks it was 

mine. They slept downstairs on couches. 

Most students who travel between the universes of poverty and affluence 

during breaks experience similar conditions, as well as the guilt, the helplessness 

and, sometimes, the embarrassment associated with them. Our friends are willing 

to listen, but most of them are unable to imagine the pain of the impoverished 

lives that we see every six months. Each time I return home I feel further away 

from the realities of poverty in America and more ashamed that they are allowed 

to persist. What frightens me most is not that the American socioeconomic 

system permits poverty to continue, but that by participating in that system I 

share some of the blame. 

Last year I lived in an on-campus apartment, with a (relatively) modern 

bathroom, kitchen and two bedrooms. Using summer earnings, I added some 

expensive prints, a potted palm and some other plants, making the place look like 

the more-than-humble abode of a New York City Yuppie. I gave dinner parties, 

even a soirée française. 1 

For my roommate, a doctor’s son, this kind of life was nothing extraordinary. 

But my mom was struggling to provide a life for herself and my brother. In 

addition to working 24-hour-a-day cases as a practical nurse, she was trying to 

ensure that my brother would graduate from high school and have a decent life. 

She knew that she had to compete for his attention with drugs and other 

potentially dangerous things that can look attractive to a young man when he sees 

no better future. 

Living in my grandmother’s house this Christmas break restored all the 

forgotten, and the never acknowledged, guilt. I had gone to boarding school on a 

full scholarship since the ninth grade, so being away from poverty was not new. 

But my own growing affluence has increased my distance. My friends say that I 

should not feel guilty: what could I do substantially for my family at this age, they 

ask. Even though I know that education is the right thing to do, I can’t help but 

feel, sometimes, that I have it too good. There is no reason that I deserve security 

1 a soirée française — a French party 

Comp. Eng. — Session Two – Aug. ’03 [3] [OVER]

50 

55 

60 

65 

70 

75 

80 

and warmth, while my brother has to cope with potential unemployment and 

prejudice. I, too, encounter prejudice, but it is softened by my status as a student 

in an affluent and intellectual community. 

More than my sense of guilt, my sense of helplessness increases each time I 

return home. As my success leads me further away for longer periods of time, 

poverty becomes harder to conceptualize and feels that much more oppressive 

when I visit with it. The first night of break, I lay in our bedroom, on a couch that 

let out into a bed that took up the whole room, except for a space heater. It was 

a little hard to sleep because the springs from the couch stuck through at 

inconvenient spots. But it would have been impossible to sleep anyway because 

of the groans coming from my grandmother’s room next door. Only in her early 

60s, she suffers from many chronic diseases and couldn’t help but moan, then 

pray aloud, then moan, then pray aloud. 

Not very festive: This wrenching of my heart was interrupted by the 3 a.m. 

entry of a relative who had been allowed to stay at the house despite rowdy 

behavior and threats toward the family in the past. As he came into the house, he 

slammed the door, and his heavy steps shook the second floor as he stomped into 

my grandmother’s room to take his place, at the foot of her bed. There he slept, 

without blankets on a bare mattress. This was the first night. Later in the vacation, 

a Christmas turkey and a Christmas ham were stolen from my aunt’s refrigerator 

on Christmas Eve. We think the thief was a relative. My mom and I decided not 

to exchange gifts that year because it just didn’t seem festive. 

A few days after New Year’s I returned to California. The Northeast was soon 

hit by a blizzard. They were there, and I was here. That was the way it had to be, 

for now. I haven’t forgotten; the ache of knowing their suffering is always there. 

It has to be kept deep down, or I can’t find the logic in studying and partying 

while people, my people, are being killed by poverty. Ironically, success drives me 

away from those I most want to help by getting an education. 

Somewhere in the midst of all that misery, my family has built, within me, “a 

proud feeling.” As I travel between the two worlds it becomes harder to 

remember just how proud I should be — not just because of where I have come 

from and where I am going, but because of where they are. The fact that they 

survive in the world in which they live is something to be very proud of, indeed. 

It inspires within me a sense of tenacity and accomplishment that I hope every 

college graduate will someday possess. 

—Marcus Mabry 

“Living in Two Worlds” 

from Newsweek on Campus, April 1988 


5 

10 

15 

Passage II 

Life for my child is simple, and is good. 

He knows his wish. Yes, but that is not all. 

Because I know mine too. 

And we both want joy of undeep and unabiding 1 things, 

Like kicking over a chair or throwing blocks out of a window 

Or tipping over an ice box pan 

Or snatching down curtains or fingering an electric outlet 

Or a journey or a friend or an illegal kiss. 

No. There is more to it than that. 

It is that he has never been afraid. 

Rather, he reaches out and lo the chair falls with a beautiful crash, 

And the blocks fall, down on the people’s heads, 

And the water comes slooshing sloppily out across the floor. 

And so forth. 

Not that success, for him, is sure, infallible. 

But never has he been afraid to reach. 

His lesions 2 are legion. 3 

But reaching is his rule. 

—Gwendolyn Brooks 

from Annie Allen, 1949 

Harper & Brothers 

1 unabiding – temporary 

2 lesions – injuries 

3 legion – numerous 

Comp. Eng. — Session Two – Aug. ’03 [5] [OVER]


Directions (1–10): Select the best suggested answer to each question and write its number in the space 

provided on the answer sheet. The questions may help you think about the ideas and information you might 

want to use in your essay. You may return to these questions anytime you wish. 

Passage I (the essay) — Questions 1–6 refer to 

Passage I. 

1 One of the reasons that the sign in the bedroom 

is ironic is because the brother 

(1) collects souvenirs 

(2) has quit school 

(3) is unemployed 

(4) sleeps downstairs 

2 The statement “badgering professors had been 

replaced by hard-working single mothers” 

(lines 13 and 14) is one example of the author’s 

use of 

(1) cause and effect 

(2) analogy 

(3) chronological order 

(4) comparison and contrast 

3 The author’s description of his on-campus 

apartment at Stanford University as “like the 

more-than-humble abode of a New York City 

Yuppie” (lines 29 and 30) emphasizes his 

(1) distance from his family’s situation 

(2) contempt for city residents 

(3) need for his family’s approval 

(4) desire to live simply 

4 The author admires his mother primarily for her 

(1) cleverness (3) knowledge 

(2) perseverance (4) beauty 

5 The descriptions in lines 49 through 67 convey a 

sense of 

(1) disorder and futility 

(2) competitiveness and over-achievement 

(3) comfort and security 

(4) forgiveness and redemption 

6 The author’s emotional conflict can best be 

described as 

(1) anger versus joy 

(2) guilt versus pride 

(3) humility versus power 

(4) fear versus security 

Passage II (the poem) — Questions 7–10 refer to 

Passage II. 

7 The actions in lines 5 through 7 and 11 through 

13 refer to 

(1) parental wishes 

(2) childhood pleasures 

(3) unfulfilled dreams 

(4) early failures 

8 As used in line 15, the word “infallible” most 

nearly means 

(1) certain 

(2) possible 

(3) desirable 

(4) understandable 

9 Line 16 indicates the child’s willingness to 

(1) show feelings (3) take risks 

(2) break rules (4) make demands 

10 The sentence “His lesions are legion” (line 17) 

emphasizes the child’s many 

(1) wishes and desires 

(2) cuts and bruises 

(3) fears and restraints 

(4) strengths and skills 

After you have finished these questions, turn to page 2. Review Your Task and the Guidelines. Use scrap 

paper to plan your response. Then write your response to Part A, beginning on page 1 of your essay booklet. 

After you finish your response for Part A, go on to page 7 of your examination booklet and complete Part B. 


Part B 

Your Task: 

Write a critical essay in which you discuss two works of literature you have read from the particular perspective 

of the statement that is provided for you in the Critical Lens. In your essay, provide a valid interpretation of 

the statement, agree or disagree with the statement as you have interpreted it, and support your opinion using 

specific references to appropriate literary elements from the two works. You may use scrap paper to plan your 

response. Write your essay in Part B, beginning on page 7 of the essay booklet. 

Critical Lens: 

“We do not read novels* for improvement or instruction.” 

—Oliver Wendell Holmes 

The Occasional Speeches of 

Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, 1962 

*For the purpose of writing your critical essay, you may 

interpret the word novels to include plays, short stories, 

poems, biographies, and books of true experience. 

Guidelines: 

Be sure to 

• Provide a valid interpretation of the critical lens that clearly establishes the criteria for 

analysis 

• Indicate whether you agree or disagree with the statement as you have interpreted it 

• Choose two works you have read that you believe best support your opinion. 

(Remember that you may use any genre of literature including novels, plays, 

short stories, poems, biographies, and books of true experience.) 

• Use the criteria suggested by the critical lens to analyze the works you have chosen 

•Avoid plot summary. Instead, use specific references to appropriate literary elements 

(for example: theme, characterization, setting, point of view) to develop your analysis 

• Organize your ideas in a unified and coherent manner 

• Specify the titles and authors of the literature you choose 





Tear Here 


SESSION TWO 

Thursday, August 14, 2003 — 8:30 to 11:30 a.m., only 

ANSWER SHEET 

Student . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sex: ■ Male ■ Female 

School . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Grade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Teacher . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Write your answers to the multiple-choice questions for Part A on this answer sheet. 

Part A 

1 _______ 6 _______ 

2 _______ 7 _______ 

3 _______ 8 _______ 

4 _______ 9 _______ 

5 _______ 10 _______ 

HAND IN THIS ANSWER SHEET WITH YOUR ESSAY BOOKLET, 

SCRAP PAPER, AND EXAMINATION BOOKLET. 

Your essay responses for Part A and Part B should be written in the essay booklet. 

Tear Here 

I do hereby affirm, at the close of this examination, that I had no unlawful knowledge of the questions or answers prior to the examination and 

that I have neither given nor received assistance in answering any of the questions during the examination. 

____________________________________________________________ 

Signature 


Tear Here 

Tear Here 


SESSION TWO 

E 

FOR TEACHERS ONLY 



ENGLISH 

Thursday, August 14, 2003— 8:30 to 11:30 a.m., only 

SCORING KEY AND RATING GUIDE 

Mechanics of Rating 

The following procedures are to be used for rating papers in the Comprehensive 

Examination in English. More detailed directions for the organization of the rating 

process and procedures for rating the examination are included in the Information 

Booklet for Administering and Scoring the Comprehensive Examination in English. 

Scoring of Multiple-Choice Questions 

Indicate by means of a checkmark each incorrect or omitted answer to multiplechoice 

questions on the Session Two answer sheet; do not place a checkmark beside 

a correct answer. Use only red ink or red pencil. In the box provided under each 

part, record the number of questions the student answered correctly for that part. 

Transfer the number of correct answers for the Part A multiple-choice questions to 

the appropriate spaces in the box in the upper right corner of each student’s 

SESSION ONE answer sheet. 

Session Two 

Correct Answers 

Part A 

(1) 3 

(2) 4 

(3) 1 

(4) 2 

(5) 1 

(6) 2 

(7) 2 

(8) 1 

(9) 3 

(10) 2 


THE STATE EDUCATION DEPARTMENT 

Albany, New York 12234 

[OVER]

COMPREHENSIVE ENGLISH — SESSION TWO — continued 

Rating of Essays 

(1) Follow your school’s procedures for training for rating. This process should include: 

Introduction to the task— 

• Raters read the task and summarize its purpose, audience, and format 

• Raters read passage(s) and plan own response to task 

• Raters share response plans and summarize expectations for student responses 

Introduction to the rubric and anchor papers— 

•Trainer reviews rubric with reference to the task 

•Trainer reviews procedures for assigning scores 

•Trainer leads review of each anchor paper and commentary 

(Note: Anchor papers are ordered from high to low within each score level.) 

Practice scoring individually— 

• Raters score a set of five papers individually 

•Trainer records scores and leads discussion until raters feel confident enough to move 

on to actual scoring 

(2) When actual rating begins, each rater should record his or her individual rating for a 

student’s essay on the rating sheet provided, not directly on the student’s essay or 

answer sheet. Do not correct the student’s work by making insertions or changes of any 

kind. 

(3) Each essay must be rated by at least two raters; a third rater will be necessary to resolve 

scores that differ by more than one point. The scoring coordinator will be responsible 

for coordinating the movement of papers, calculating a final score for each student’s 

essay, and recording that information on the student’s answer paper for Session One, 

and determining the student’s final score for the examination. The chart located at the 

end of these scoring materials should be used for determining the final examination 

score. 

[2]

SESSION TWO – PART A – SCORING RUBRIC 

READING AND WRITING FOR LITERARY RESPONSE 

QUALITY 







and text(s) 

6 


level: 

-establish a controlling 

idea that reveals an indepth 

analysis of both 

texts 


connections between the 

controlling idea and the 

ideas in each text 

5 


level: 


idea that reveals a 

thorough understanding 

of both texts 





4 


level: 


idea that shows a basic 

understanding of both 

texts 





3 


level: 


idea that shows a basic 


texts 




ideas in the texts 

2 


level: 


incomplete 


texts 

-make a few connections 

but fail to establish a 

controlling idea 






text(s) 





specific evidence and 

appropriate literary 

elements from both texts 


and consistently, with 

reference to relevant and 






with reference to 


evidence and 




using some evidence 

from the texts 

-may rely primarily on 

plot summary 











coherence 

-maintain the focus 

established by the 






transitions 


established by the 






transitions 






consistency 



focus 



include some 


irrelevancies 





organization 


























pacing 




and purpose 







or purpose 








purpose 








punctuation, 

paragraphing, 







language 









not hinder 

comprehension 













1 


level: 


evidence of textual 

understanding 


between the texts or 

among ideas in the texts 




organization 

-are minimal 


incoherent or 

inappropriate 


assessment of 




[3]


[4]


[5]


[6]


[7]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Reveals an in-depth analysis by establishing the controlling idea that a broad reach, though 

often problematic, is an essential ingredient in life. This idea is explored by use of both the 

college student’s angst (His “growing affluence” haunts him) and the exploring child’s 

fearlessness (His injuries are numerous). These insights are further refined as the college 

student evolves the insight that he must continue to bridge the two worlds of his universe, while 

the child’s explorations are seen as predictors of more complicated objectives in the future. 

Develops ideas clearly and fully, paralleling the conflicted emotions of the college student with 

graphic descriptions of the physical contrasts present in his life. The response juxtaposes 

Stanford, a glorious institution where the student should feel incredibly happy and proud, with 

the return to a dilapidated home which inspires feelings of helplessness and shame. The 

response skillfully incorporates the literary elements of symbolism and irony, and demonstrates 

how the theme of reaching beyond oneself unites the otherwise contrasting characters. 

Maintains a focus on the ramifications of reaching beyond oneself through a skillful use of 

transitional phrases (a glaring example, Even the harshness of the Northeastern winter, His 

guilt is further compounded). 

Is stylistically sophisticated, using carefully chosen vocabulary (ultimately, pervading, 

downtrodden, cascading) and skillful paraphrasing (a troubled college student … compelled to 

reach beyond himself). Sentences are effectively constructed, enhancing meaning throughout 

the response. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, with essentially no errors, even with sophisticated 

language. 


[8]


[9]


[10]


[11]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Establishes a controlling idea that reveals an in-depth analysis of both texts. The response 

explores the unique concept of the similarity between the student and the child, as well as both 

the assets and the liabilities of reaching beyond oneself. For the child, reaching has potential 

dangers, while the college student’s success has not been without psychological penalty. The 

response conveys further insight in its concluding idea that the dilemma posed for both 

characters leaves us … pondering the future. 

Develops ideas clearly and fully, with a broad range of evidence from the texts. The description 

of the child moves from his joy in exploring to the mother’s awareness of the psychological 

perils that manhood can bring. This insight is reinforced by discussion of the college student, 

who suffers over his family’s poverty. The response incorporates literary techniques by 

weaving into the discussion elements such as protagonist, speaker, and contrast. 

Maintains a focus on the idea that strivers experience pain as well as pleasure. The response 

first explores the child’s activities, which contain physical joys as well as wounds that may 

evolve with age. The focus on the psychological penalty continues as the writer delineates the 

contrasting problems of the student’s home life. Transitions (Unfortunately, When he returns, 

Apparently, Even the room) and direct statements (The Stanford student … has reaped certain 

benefits of academic effort) are effectively used with contrasting ideas. 

Uses language that is stylistically sophisticated and engaging throughout. Word choices such as 

protagonists, revels, stark contrast, ensnared brother and felonious illustrate precision. 

Complex sentences are well controlled, while the variety of structures and parallel phrasing 

(whether it is tipping chairs … or spilling water) enhance meaning. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions with essentially no errors, even with sophisticated 

language. 


[12]


[13]


[14]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Establishes a controlling idea that reveals a thorough understanding of both texts (Success is not 

measured by the effect, but by the effort). The response makes explicit connections between the 

controlling idea by using examples from the passages that illustrate the significance and 

greatness of trying to surpass one’s capabilities. 

Develops ideas clearly and consistently, incorporating the literary techniques of symbolism, 

irony, and simile directly into the discussions of the student’s home on one hand, and the 

child’s actions on the other. The response uses quotes and restatement (so ironic under the 

dismal reality of his home and creates a tone of fun in spite of the accidents and injuries) to 

illustrate the observations about reaching beyond oneself. 

Maintains the focus on the effort of reaching beyond oneself. The response exhibits a logical 

sequence of ideas, using comparsion to first show how the young man in Passage I came to feel 

a sense of pride in his family’s struggle to survive and then how the child in Passage II is not 

deterred. Transitions are generally effectively used (At this point, The fact that, Yet she also 

sees). 

Uses language that is generally fluent and sometimes original (he reached through his guilt and 

shame). The response shows evident awareness of audience and purpose by establishing a 

formal tone (The essay builds on these comparisions + contrasts). Long, complex sentences are 

well controlled. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting only minor punctuation errors. 



[15]


[16]


[17]


[18]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Establishes the controlling idea that reaching beyond oneself enables people to discover a new 

part of themselves. For each passage, connections to the controlling idea are explicit, referring 

to the student’s impovershed home life in Passage I and the child’s small world in Passage II as 

limits to be conquered in a quest for self-discovery. 

Develops ideas clearly and consistently, with reference to relevant and specific evidence from 

the text. The response combines appropriate quoted material (“travelling between … and 

affluence” and “He knows … but that is not all”) with significant details (impovershed home, 

emotions, guilt and helplessness, kicking over a chair, throwing blocks) to elaborate the 

controlling idea. The literary elements of setting, point of view, and theme are incorporated in 

the response. 

Maintains the focus on discovery and uses appropriate transitions to link the passages to this 

idea (In contrast to the young man in Passage I and Like the young college student). The 

connection is also carried into the conclusion (The two passages … seemingly unattainable), 

adding to the logical sequence of ideas. 

Uses language that is generally fluent and original. The response exhibits an awareness of 

audience by adopting a literary tone, although sometimes lapsing into the first person (we). 

Sentence structure and length are generally well controlled. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling 

(impovershed), use of possessives (mothers’, familys, authors), and punctuation. 


[19]


[20]

Anchor Paper – Part A—Level 5 – C 

[21]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

[22] 

Commentary 

The response: 

Establishes a controlling idea that reveals a thorough understanding of both texts, maintaining 

that a person must reach outside himself to succeed. The response makes explicit connections to 

the task, explaining that for the narrator in Passage I, risk taking involves living a back-andforth 

existence, while the young child in Passage II must deal with the cuts and bruises brought 

on by his daring actions. 

Develops ideas clearly and consistently, providing evidence of each character’s struggle to 

reach beyond himself. The contrast between the two worlds of the narrator in Passage I is 

highlighted in the response (flipping from one place to the other) as the cause of his guilt and an 

inspiration for his success. The response emphasizes characterization in Passage II, describing 

the small child as possessing both curiousity and a willingness to pay the consequences. 

Maintains the focus that reaching beyond oneself is necessary for success. The response 

exhibits a logical sequence of ideas, following the order set up in the introduction (Passage I 

explains and Passage II shows). Effective transitions (In accordance, However, In both 

passages) help to unify the response. The conclusion adds a new idea (They reach beyond 

themselves in order to learn more about themselves) which detracts from the overall unity of 

the response. 

Uses language that is fluent and, at times, original (the rhythm of his life). The response adopts 

a tone that is appropriate for a literary response. Sentences of varying structure are effectively 

used throughout. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (curiousity), 

comma usage, and agreement (parent … their). 

Conclusion: Overall, the response best fits the criteria for Level 5 in all qualities.


[23]

Anchor Paper – Part A—Level 4 – A 

[24]


[25]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Establishes a controlling idea in the opening sentence that shows a basic understanding of both 

texts. The response implicitly connects this idea to both passages (Sometimes we may even do 

this for the ones we love and This poem proves that without fear, you can accomplish anything). 

Develops some ideas more fully than others, citing specific and relevant evidence from Passage 

I to describe the narrator’s dilemma (living between two different worlds) but relying primarily 

on generalizations to develop the discussion of Passage II (They don’t realize that their 

mistakes are wrong). The response refers to appropriate literary techniques (irony in Passage I 

and symbolism in Passage II). 

Generally maintains an appropriate focus on characters who find a way to beat all obstacles. 

The response begins by establishing commonality of purpose in both passages (each character 

finds in themselves, a way to move past baracades), and in subsequent paragraphs, links each 

passage to that purpose (This character reaches beyond … the grief and “reaching beyond” his 

small self). Although the conclusion begins with a confusing statement (the author’s portray a 

different theme), it does reiterate the controlling idea of “reaching beyond oneself.” 

Uses appropriate language with evident awareness of audience and purpose. The response 

occasionally makes effective use of sentence structure (By defeating these obstacles for himself, 

he is at the same time, doing it for his family). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (baracades), punctuation 

(mother on the other hand and the author’s portray), grammar (we … oneself and each 

character … themselves), and usage (shift to second person point of view) that do not hinder 



[26]


[27]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Shows a basic understanding of both texts by implying a controlling idea that effort is central to 

reaching beyond oneself. The response makes implicit connections between the controlling idea 

and Passage I (he … realizes that without his education and endurance, he will never be able to 

help his family) and Passage II (The child … is constantly setting new boundaries). 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. For Passage I, the response primarily discusses the 

contrast between the author’s college life and home life revealing the author’s true thoughts and 

feelings. In Passage II, the response discusses the child as a symbol of how much people need to 

strive to reach beyond oneself. The discussions of literary elements are brief (point of view) or 

incorrect (the author uses parellism to display the childs inability to realize his boundaries). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on the ability to reach beyond oneself. The response 

logically discusses each piece in a separate paragraph. The conclusion, although brief, clearly 

relates the two pieces to the controlling idea. 

Uses generally appropriate language with some awareness of audience and purpose (He 

expresses his guilt for living a better life). Sentence structure is generally used effectively (He 

manages though, to keep striving for his own goals and aspirations), but is occasionally 

confusing (The child … knows no bounds and is constantly setting new boundaries). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (parellism and adimate), 

punctuation (childs), and pronoun reference that do not hinder comprehension. 


[28]


[29]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Establishes a controlling idea (In reaching beyond oneself, one can gain understanding of the 

importance of character and strength) that shows a basic understanding of both texts. The 

response explicitly connects the controlling idea to Passage I (the sense of pride the narrator 

feels despite the guilt and shame) and Passage II (the courage and fearlessness of the child). 

Develops ideas briefly, relying primarily on unsupported generalizations (The “sense of 

tenacity and accomplishment” … is inspired by his family, simple pleasures that a child might 

desire, pleasures … have their consequences). The literary elements of characterization and 

theme are introduced in the conclusion with brief references to the text. 

Establishes a focus on character and strength, but alters the focus in discussing Passage I 

(strength, courage, and character) and Passage II (strength and courage … and being fearless). 

The conclusion further shifts focus to truth and virtue. Ideas are logically sequenced (Passage 

I, Passage II, literary elements) with some transition (Similarly and Both of these). 

Uses generally appropriate language that is sometimes awkward (contributes his own sense of 

pride, insinuates the importance, manifest to attempt). Sentences are varied in structure and 

length. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (opressive and 

passages for “passage”), punctuation (Yet then the author elaborates), and capitalization. 


in development and somewhat stronger in conventions. 

[30]


[31]

Anchor Paper – Part A—Level 3 – A 


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Establishes a controlling idea (to surpass one’s surroundings requires perseverance) that shows 

a basic understanding of the texts. The response makes only superficial connections to the task 

(He is proud of his family and She admires her son … for never being afraid of what may 

come). 

Develops ideas briefly, using some evidence from Passage I to suggest how the student’s efforts 

have helped him to a better life (He appreciates education and what it has provided him). The 

discussion of Passage II is based on unsupported generalizations and assertions (author is proud 

of her son and wants the best for him). 

Establishes but fails to maintain an appropriate focus on perseverance. The response exhibits a 

rudimentary structure (In Passage I, In Passage II, For both authors) but includes irrelevancies 

(The author does not want her life to be great; just better). 

Relies on basic vocabulary, often using clichés (when all hope is lost, settling for less, enjoy 

life’s simple pleasures). The response exhibits some attempt to vary sentence structure but some 

sentences are ineffective (For both authors, they seek a better life). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (perserverance) and 

comma usage that do not hinder comprehension. 



[32]


[33]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Establishes a controlling idea (reaching beyond yourself requires a positive mindset) that shows 

a basic understanding of the texts. The response makes few connections between the task and 

the texts (He reached beyond and overcame … problems and a young boy is described as … 

still reaching for success). 

Develops ideas briefly, using some evidence from the texts to support the student’s reaching 

beyond his financial and domestic restriction and problems. The response relies primarily on 

generalizations without textual support (his mindset is going to lead him to success). 

Establishes an appropriate focus on accomplishing goals despite … problems, but loses focus in 

the discussion of Passage II, stating this boy has not yet seen many major draw backs but will 

still succeed, and in the conclusion (Using problems to explain faults … is unreasonable). The 

response exhibits a rudimentary structure. 

Relies on generally basic vocabulary with some awareness of audience and purpose. Attempts 

to vary sentence structure are unevenly successful (Also having a positive mindset). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting errors in spelling (exibit and appartment), comma use, 

and capitalization that do not hinder comprehension. 



[34]


[35]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Establishes a controlling idea that shows a basic understanding of both texts, explaining that 

reaching beyond oneself … only needs … motivation and a little bit of causousness. The 

response makes few connections between this idea and the texts. 

Develops ideas briefly. The discussion of motivation in Passage I is developed largely through 

unsupported generalization (The characterization of the writer’s brother; the mother, provides; 

Even the grandmother gives) while the discussion of fear and causousness in Passage II is 

developed largely through personal observation. 

Establishes an appropriate focus on going beyond oneself to achieve the unthinkable, but loses 

that focus in the discussion of Passage II (The character should be mature and fear the 

consiquences of his/her actions). The response exhibits a rudimentary structure but includes 

some irrelevancy (I feel that better examples could be shown). 

Relies on basic vocabulary with little awareness of audience or purpose. Attempts to vary 

sentence structure are unevenly successful (Even the grandmother … that they have). 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (causousness, 

beginings, persiverance, deffinatly, consiquences), punctuation (commas), grammar (One … 

they), and usage (the for “they”) that occasionally hinder comprehension. 


[36]


[37]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a confused and incomplete understanding of the texts (in Passage I There was This 

Boy Who … Tryed to leave his past alone Just wasn’t That easy). There is a hint of a controlling 

idea in the opening paragraph (in life There has been many others who have been able To Do 

more Then expected of Them self). 

Is largely undeveloped, containing vague textual references (in Passage I There was This Boy 

and in Passage II talked about The lessons you bring with looking For Adventures Things 

brought Upon you). The response includes minimal analysis of Passage II. 

Lacks an appropriate focus, but exhibits some organizational structure. A confusing 

introductory statement is followed by brief references to Passage I and Passage II. The 

response’s conclusion is confusing, rather than constructive (in both of Those Passages They 

both had a means of beyond one self). 

Uses language that is largely imprecise (Just as in Passage I as well talking About his Brother 

like he was … he moved Further away). The response reveals little awareness of how to use 

sentences for effect and some statements border on incoherence (he looked back and seen his 

mom working so his Brother go to College so he can have a Descent life he was over reaching 

beyond oneself). 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting errors in spelling (expection, Tryed, Descent), 

punctuation, capitalization (in, There, Throwing, Brother, Adventures), grammar (looked back 

and seen), and usage that sometimes hinder comprehension. 



[38]


[39]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys a confused understanding of the texts, stating how the narrator in Passage I is finding 

his way to improve colledge life and how a parent feels when they first have a child in Passage 

II. The response uses wording from the prompt (reaching beyond oneself), but fails to establish 

a controlling idea and makes few connections to the texts. 

Is incomplete and undeveloped. The response uses vague ideas from Passage I (a boy … going 

to colledge) and unjustified details from Passage II (throwing blocks out the window). The 

response attempts to discuss characterization in Passage I (He uses characterization … and my 

family) and symbolism in Passage II (Passage II uses symbolism) but assertions are 

unsupported. 

Lacks an appropriate focus, but suggests some organization by exhibiting an introductory 

paragraph, brief discussions of the texts, and a concluding paragraph. 

Uses language that is often imprecise (Characterization skills and Both passages in using and 

reaching beyond oneself), showing little awareness of audience and purpose. The response 

reveals little awareness of how to use sentences for effect. 

Demonstrates a lack of control, exhibiting frequent errors in spelling (colledge, roomate, 

extrodinary) and punctuation, and omitted words (used this and used well characterization) that 

make comprehension difficult. 


[40]


[41]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Conveys an incomplete understanding of the texts, especially Passage II (Talks about how one 

child has a dream). The response hints at but fails to establish a controlling idea (when you 

Reach beyond oneself). 

Is largely undeveloped. The response relies on plot details, which are unsupported (he realize 

that being home is Just like being back at college). The response mentions but fails to develop a 

discussion of symbolism. There is minimal discussion of Passage II. 

Lacks an appropriate focus, but suggests some organization. The response attempts to organize 

a discussion of Passage I around the quote “we built a proud new feeling,” citing plot details to 

support the narrator’s ability to Reach beyond oneself. Passage II is mentioned in a single 

sentence and no conclusion is provided. 

Uses language that is imprecise (In the two passages the narrator in the Reach beyond 

theirselves and The poem talks about how one Child has a dream … why its a Child dream). 

The response reveals little awareness of how to use sentences (As we go through the passage … 

feel Like that to). 

Demonstrates a lack of control exhibiting frequent errors in spelling (colloge, Campous, 

Somthing), punctuation, paragraphing, capitalization (How, slogan, Return), and agreement (He 

talk and he realize) that make comprehension difficult. 


[42]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides minimal evidence of textual understanding. The response makes no connections 

between the texts, exhibiting only a few largely personal observations (You have to open up and 

let yourself be free so you dont bottle up all your rage). 

Is minimal, with no evidence of development beyond general statements about success in life 

and personal advancement (You have to learn reach out to other people for help and love). 

Lacks an appropriate focus, but suggests a potential organizational pattern based upon methods 

of achieving success (In order to succeed in life you need to look beyond yourself). 

Is minimal, making assessment of language use unreliable. 




[43]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides minimal evidence of textual understanding. The response exhibits only a few brief 

references to the texts. 

Is minimal, making only general comments about the texts (The narater in Passage one felt a 

great soence of omplishment after he completed collage), but provides no development. 

The response shows no clear focus or organizational pattern. 

Is minimal, making assessment of language use unreliable. 



[44]


[45]


[46]


[47]


[48]


[49]


[50]


[51]


[52]


[53]


[54]


[55]








stronger in language use. 






[56]

SESSION TWO – PART B – SCORING RUBRIC 

READING AND WRITING FOR CRITICAL ANALYSIS 

QUALITY 







and text(s) 

6 


level: 

-provide an interpretation 

of the "critical lens" that 

is faithful to the 

complexity of the 

statement and clearly 

establishes the criteria 

for analysis 

-use the criteria to make 

insightful analysis of the 

chosen texts 

5 


level: 

-provide a thoughtful 

interpretation of the 

"critical lens" that clearly 


for analysis 

-use the criteria to make 

a clear and reasoned 

analysis of the chosen 

texts 

4 


level: 

-provide a reasonable 


"critical lens" that 


for analysis 



criteria and the chosen 

texts 

3 


level: 

-provide a simple 


"critical lens" that 

suggests some criteria 

for analysis 

-make superficial 


criteria and the chosen 

texts 

2 


level: 

-provide a confused or 

incomplete interpretation 

of the "critical lens" 

-may allude to the 

"critical lens" but do not 

use it to analyze the 

chosen texts 






text(s) 









and consistently, with 

reference to relevant and 






with reference to specific 

and relevant evidence 

and appropriate literary 



using some evidence 

from the text 

-may rely primarily on 

plot summary 











coherence 


established by the critical 

lens 





transitions 


established by the critical 

lens 





transitions 






consistency 



focus 



include some 


irrelevancies 





organization 


























pacing 




and purpose 







or purpose 








purpose 








punctuation, 

paragraphing, 







language 









not hinder 

comprehension 













1 


level: 

-do not refer to the 

"critical lens" 

-reflect minimal or no 

analysis of the chosen 

texts 




organization 

-are minimal 


incoherent or 

inappropriate 


assessment of 




[57]


[58]


[59]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides an interpretation of the critical lens that is faithful to the complexity of the statement, 

disagreeing with it by asserting that while one reads to learn enjoyably, improvement and 

instruction are an inevitable part of the reading process. The response uses this interpretation 

to make insightful analysis of the chosen texts, Animal Farm and Othello. 

Develops ideas clearly and fully, effectively addressing Orwell’s use of animals as symbolic 

characters to illustrate the novel’s theme (man’s corrupt nature will destroy when man is given 

unlimited power). The response further addresses Shakespeare’s characterization of Iago and 

Othello, referring to their motivations and actions to illustrate the play’s message about the 

necessity of truth and trust, and the ramifications of jealousy and deceit. 

Maintains the focus on lessons learned through reading. The response exhibits a logical and 

coherent structure, with each literary discussion introduced by a focus on the flaws of characters 

or society, then illustrated with relevant details followed by an interpretation of lessons offered 

to readers. The conclusion refocuses on the critical lens, reiterating the reasons for disagreeing 

with it. 

Is stylistically sophisticated, using language that is precise and engaging (present a 

contradiction to, critiquing Communist Russia, convincing the gullible animals that all is well) 

with a notable sense of voice and awareness of audience and purpose. The response varies 

structure and length of sentences to enhance meaning (Angry that Othello promoted Cassio to a 

position Iago desired, Iago determines to ruin both men). 



[60]


[61]


[62]


[63]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides an interpretation of the critical lens that is faithful to the complexity of the statement 

and clearly establishes the criteria for analysis (Although it is possible, even probable, that 

readers can improve themselves or learn from literature, most people read for enjoyment or 

escape). The response uses the criteria to make insightful analysis of Yann Martel’s novel, Life 

of Pi, and Alice Munro’s short story, “Friend of My Youth.” 

Develops ideas clearly and fully, making effective use of a wide range of relevant and specific 

evidence from each text. The response discusses irony, setting, point of view and structure 

through the revelation of each work’s plot, and connects this discussion to the established 

criteria (Readers of Life of Pi would probably be much more interested in whether Pi survived 

… than by self improvement opportunities and the reader’s interest lies with what happens in 

the story … Do the narrator and her mother … examine their differences before the mother 

dies?). 

Maintains the focus established by the critical lens (the enjoyment of the story is paramount). 

The response exhibits a logical and coherent structure, first establishing that each work is a 

framework story, then illustrating each story-within-a-story, skillfully using appropriate 

transitions (Instead, In similar fashion, During all of this, Throughout the story, Once again, In 

both) to strengthen coherence. 

Uses language that is fluent and original (Pi’s father runs a zoo, and the tale begins in India, 

where the teenaged Pi embraces Hinduism, Christianity and Islam, thinking he sees 

connections among all of them) with evident awareness of audience and purpose. The response 

varies structure and length of sentences to control rhythm and pacing (Setting drives a 

shipwreck story. Every detail … is seen through this element). 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (self 

improvement) and grammar (he attacks him … for his own survival and improvement / or 

personal instruction are) only when using sophisticated language. 


in language use and conventions. 

[64]


[65]


[66]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a thoughtful interpretation of the critical lens that clearly establishes the criteria for 

analysis (There have been numerous novels written to show society its wrongs and injustices). 

The response uses the criteria to make a clear and reasoned analysis of the intent of both 

Fahrenheit 451 and 1984 (to help society to change for the better). 

Develops ideas clearly and consistently. The response makes relevant references to setting 

(America after a number of nuclear wars), plot (firemen are used to enforce the ban on all 

books), and theme (if something isn’t done … things could … threaten people’s basic freedoms) 

in Fahrenheit 451. For 1984, the response refers to plot (This society is ruled by a powerful 

totalitarian regime) and theme (if society follows it current path … the world would become a 

dangerous place). 

Maintains the focus on how literature presents society’s failings and suggests improvement. The 

response exhibits a logical sequence of ideas, first analyzing the lens, then identifying the 

societal problem, and finally expressing the motivation of each writer. The unity of the response 

is further strengthened by transitions (First, Next, Clearly) and a closing statement that 

reinforces the introduction. 

Uses language that is fluent and original (the problems of society … were left uncorrected and 

allowed to grow and multiply), with evident awareness of audience and purpose (Bradbury uses 

this society to show people). The response varies structure and length of sentences to control 

rhythm and pacing. 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting errors in spelling (entertianment, 

possesion, disatisfaction, simular, fasion) and punctuation (Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury is 

and In this society books). 


[67]


[68]


[69]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a thoughtful interpretation of the critical lens, disagreeing with it and stating that we 

read to feed our constant hunger for knowledge.… We strive to extract all the morals and 

instructions of literature. The response uses this criteria to make a clear and reasoned analysis 

of Angela’s Ashes, by Frank McCourt, and Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. 

Develops ideas clearly and consistently, with reference to relevant and specific evidence in 

McCourt’s work (The theme in Angela’s Ashes is survival through difficulties and As Angela’s 

Ashes takes place in the poverty of Ireland), and in Austen’s (the theme is the importance of 

marridge to women and Pride and Prejudice presents us with Elizabeth … who defies all 

“rules” women had to follow in the 1800’s). 

Maintains the focus on learning from the experiences described in literature. The response 

exhibits a logical sequence of ideas, focusing on how characters react to their situations and 

how this information is conveyed using the literary elements of characterization, setting and 

theme. Appropriate transitions (Both, Although, Therefore) add to the coherence of the 

response. 

Uses appropriate language, with evident awareness of audience and purpose. The response 

occasionally makes effective use of sentence structure or length (We improve ourselves by 

following her example, and thus, we defy society today). 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling 

(subcontiously, protogonist, nurishment), punctuation (others experiences), and grammar (the 

ideals of women … is). 



[70]

Part Anchor A — Paper Practice – Part Paper B—Level – A 5 – C 

[71]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a thoughtful interpretation of the critical lens (we … read literature for the 

entlertainment of our minds and lives and Many people find a haven in the different worlds 

literature can provide) that clearly establishes the criteria for analysis. The response uses the 

criteria to make a clear and reasoned analysis of how The Once and Future King, by T.H. 

White, and Gulliver’s Travels, by Jonathan Swift, can enable readers to escape to places they 

would never imagine going before. 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. The response presents specific evidence of theme, 

setting, and tone in White’s novel (this little mistreated servant would rise above adversity; 

This wimsical tale; The castles, Kings, and sword fights; the medievil aura), while the 

references to Swift’s work are more general (Gulliver’s Travels emitts the same feelings; 

Gulliver travels to far off lands; the random island hopping Gulliver does while lost at sea sets 

the mood for spontaneous experiences). 

Maintains the focus on enjoyment and escape established by the critical lens. The response 

exhibits a logical sequence of ideas, using theme and setting as the focus of separate 

paragraphs, with tone considered in each. Appropriate transitions strengthen coherence (both of 

these books; not fore medievil instruction, but for the sheer fun; The settings of each novel; 

another literary element; Both). The response concludes with a reiteration of the lens. 

Uses language that is fluent and original (complex transfer and mundane routines) with evident 

awareness of audience and purpose. The response varies structure and length of sentences to 

control rhythm and pacing (Readers do not join Gulliver in his amazing experiences to 

strengthen their belief in hope. They just want to be entertained, a much more simple idea). 

Demonstrates control of the conventions, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (eventualy), 

punctuation (Once and Future King by T.H. White and Gulliver’s Travels by), and grammar 

(element … are, sword fights sets, enrichen). 



[72]


[73]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a reasonable interpretation of the critical lens (I disagree with the statement … I 

strongly believe that every book we read teaches us something). The response makes implicit 

connections between the lessons of literature and the chosen texts, Left Behind and The Scarlet 

Letter. 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. The response uses characterization (misidentifying 

Scarlet as a main character) and theme to develop Left Behind (Rayford realized that he wasn’t 

good enough to his wife … he almost cheated on her and We should not wait for the “wake up 

call” to show how much we care … it might be too late). The discussion of The Scarlet Letter is 

less developed, relying primarily on plot summary. 

Maintains a clear focus on the idea that literature teaches us and gives examples from people’s 

lives. The response exhibits a logical sequence of ideas, first establishing the moral dilemma 

presented in each work and then drawing conclusions about lessons taught. Basic transitions 

(The first book, The other book, Finally) strengthen unity. 

Uses generally appropriate language that is at times informal (It ended up, In my opinion, get 

back on people), with some awareness of audience and purpose. The response occasionally 

makes effective use of sentence length (He regreted everything, but it was too late. She was 

gone). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in punctuation (The doctor tried to 

destroy him, by taking his “heart”, but), verb tense (he didn’t spent), and usage (people which 

truly believed and every literature we read) that do not hinder comprehension. 


[74]


[75]


[76]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a reasonable interpretation of the critical lens and establishes the criteria for analysis 

by disagreeing with the quotation (Literature is often the source of inspiration, caution and 

advice to its readers). The response makes implicit connections to George Orwell’s 1984, and 

Arthur Miller’s The Crucible. 

Develops some ideas more fully than others. The response provides plot references for each 

work (by cautioning the society against a “witch hunt” and the story of a fictional world … 

where everything is controlled by the “Party”), while developing theme and setting more fully 

than plot (18th century Salem, Massachussetes; Crucible teaches people to abide by their 

convictions and not to let some false accusations destroy our society; and a fictional world 

during 1984; We read this because it teaches us the potential damaging affect of handing over 

our civil right or soul to the government). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on literature as a source of social instruction. The 

response exhibits a logical sequence of ideas, first analyzing the critical lens, then focusing on 

setting and theme in each work, and concluding with a reiteration of the criteria. Internal 

consistency is interrupted by a personal conjecture at the end of the Crucible discussion. 

Uses appropriate language that is occasionally awkward (humans continues to expand up on 

their knowledge and people very a miserable life), with some awareness of audience and 

purpose (teaches its reader). The response exhibits some attempt to vary sentence structure or 

length, but with uneven success (On the similar note, the 1984 was written around the same 

time period as the Crucible, but it provided a starkly different danger). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (aquired, Massachussetes, 

commmist), punctuation (We learn that, everybody should question their leaders and work as 

watchdog of our society), grammar (learn from the mistakes of other, so they don’t repeat it 

again in the future), and usage that do not hinder comprehension. 


[77]


[78]


[79]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a reasonable interpretation of the critical lens that establishes the criteria for analysis 

(literature holds in it themes and valuable teachings, insights, and thoughts that can be used in 

everyday life). The response uses this interpretation to make implicit connections to the lessons 

learned in the texts, Steinbeck’s The Pearl and Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. 

Develops ideas briefly, pointing out that Kino found a pearl, mentioning greed and dishonesty 

and a priest who was full of corruption. Discussion of The Pearl concludes with Kino’s loss of 

the pearl, his son, and a huge lesson about life. The response makes a general reference to 

Caesar’s massive ego and unjustified connections to Caesar’s death (His ego enabled him to see 

the corruption that was going on and certainly the conspiracy to kill him). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on how literature affects society. The response exhibits 

a logical sequence of ideas, first establishing criteria for analysis, then discussing characters’ 

actions and literary themes, and concluding with a reiteration of opposition to the lens. Internal 

consistency is weakened by the personal asides in the last paragraph about The Pearl. 

Uses appropriate language that is occasionally imprecise (the dents in society). The response 

exhibits some attempt to vary sentence structure for effect, but with uneven success (Both of 

these works of literature are just a few examples that literature plays a major role in getting an 

author’s vieus about, society to the world). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting errors in punctuation (In the end Kino didn’t have; 

Only religious figures, like God have that; Similar to “The Pearl,” the play Julius Caesar had; 

When this happens all other aspects) and grammar (happiness comes with just be thankful for) 

that do not hinder comprehension. 



[80]


[81]


[82]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a simple interpretation of the critical lens by disagreeing with the quotation and 

asserting that sometimes when you read book you usually learn some thing from it. The 

response makes implicit connections between the criteria and the chosen texts, William 

Shakespeare’s Macbeth and Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart (In these two book we learn 

lessons that would teach anybody young or Old). 

Develops ideas briefly, using some evidence from Macbeth (we learned that Macbeth killed his 

king and cousin to become king) and from Things Fall Apart (the main character Okango is the 

king of his village). The response relies primarily on plot summary in the discussion of 

Achebe’s novel. Theme is suggested in both discussions (we learn that selffishness is bad and 

do not be greedy and mean). 

Maintains a clear and appropriate focus on lessons to be learned from Macbeth and Things Fall 

Apart. The response exhibits a logical sequence of ideas by analyzing the lens, then identifying 

the lesson learned from each work. 

Relies on basic vocabulary (In the Critical Lens statement it states) with some awareness of 

audience. The response exhibits some attempt to vary sentence structure or length for effect, but 

with uneven success (Because if you never read the book before than when you read it it would 

be some thing new you are reading). 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting errors in spelling (Okango, payed, many wifes), 

punctuation (in the Play Macbeth by William Shakespear we see), capitalization, and grammar 

(the two works of literature … is and every king had their own villiage) that hinder 




[83]


[84]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a simple interpretation of the critical lens (most people who read literature Do it 

because they like to read not because there tryin to learn how to read or for instruction) that 

suggests some criteria for analysis. The response makes superficial connections between the 

criteria and the chosen texts The Things They Carried, by Tim O’Brien and To Kill A 

Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. 

Is largely undeveloped, with a one-sentence reference to O’Brien’s work (the reader gets a very 

good and graphic diary that makes like you where in the Vietnam War). The response hints at 

ideas in Lee’s novel, but the single reference to setting is inaccurate (the entire book is about 

how white folk and African Americans got along back in the eairly 1920’s), and the statement 

that the reader doest get any instructution or improvement is unsupported. 

Establishes, but fails to maintain a focus on reading for enjoyment, focusing instead on the lack 

of instruction or improvement. The response exhibits a rudimentary structure with separate 

paragraphs for each work and a one-sentence conclusion which refers to the validity of Holmes’ 

statement. 

Relies on basic vocabulary that is sometimes imprecise (the reader don’t get any improvement 

of instruction), with some awareness of audience and purpose (Another novel that proves 

Holmes’ quote). The response exhibits some attempt to vary sentence structure or length for 

effect, but with uneven success (Throught the novel the reader doest get any instruction … nor 

does the the reader get any improvement). 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (where for “were” and 

throught), punctuation (The novel To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee and Holmes quote), 

capitalization (for Improvement and Is Indeed True), and grammar (reader don’t get and there 

tryin) that do not hinder comprehension. 



[85]


[86]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a simple interpretation of the critical lens that suggests a criteria for analysis by 

asserting that I Believe that many people base their readings on these two goals (personal 

interests and to learn somthing). The response makes superficial connections to the task (in 

discussing Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul and the Bible). 

Is minimal with no textual development, relying on generalizations and personal opinion. 

Establishes an appropriate focus on literature for improvement or intsruction. The response 

exhibits a rudimentary structure, including an introductory paragraph followed by two body 

paragraphs, and a conclusion, but is weakened by irrelevancies (Not only am I reading this book 

… are reading it). 

Relies on basic vocabulary (for a laugh or to cry) with some awareness of audience and 

purpose (I dissagree with the critcal lens). The response exhibits some attempt to vary sentence 

structure with uneven success (the last paragraph). 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (differents, dissagree, 

intsruction), punctuation (critcal lens “We and Not only … but), grammar (understand … more 

thorough and have or are reading), and usage (in which I have read that) that hinder 




[87]


[88]


[89]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a confused interpretation of the critical lens, first agreeing, but later stating all the 

literature not gives us the meanings or we read it for improvement. Literature shows us the 

ways but not always be specific. The response alludes to the critical lens, but does not use it to 

analyze the chosen texts, Shakespeare’s Macbeth and Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales. 

Is largely undeveloped, mentioning characters in The Canterbury Tales, but references to the 

text are vague (The powerful characters in the poem grasp the attenton of the reader) or 

unjustified (Chaucer described the age of chivlery. The Enlightent period and about the 

castles). The response hints at ideas in Macbeth (The rise and fall of a powerful and a greedy 

person and Macbeth was involved in many chaos) but does not elaborate. 

Lacks an appropriate focus, but suggests some organization, containing an introductory 

paragraph, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, but ideas within paragraphs are generally 

unconnected. The response ends with an ambiguous comment about literature (We have to work 

our own to get it meaning). 

Uses language that is imprecise or unsuitable for audience or purpose (the whole peom is 

written in the vocabulary words and its not easy to understand it). The response reveals little 

awareness of how to use sentences to achieve an effect (The lady Macbeth was trying and 

creating problems for him). 

Demonstrates a lack of control, exhibiting frequent errors in spelling (varid, chivlery, attenton, 

peom), punctuation (its’ not), paragraphing, capitalization (oliver and The lady of bath), and 

grammar (This idea, characters gives, The poem and the play gives us) that make 

comprehension difficult. 


[90]


[91]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a confused interpretation of the critical lens by first disagreeing with it, stating that all 

literature has improved and instructed, then presenting personal evaluations of each work (The 

beginning is really boring, but at the end of the book it improves and gets more interesting). 

The response alludes to the critical lens, but does not use it to analyze the chosen texts, Death of 

a Salesman and Of Mice and Men. 

Is minimal, with no evidence of development. 

Lacks an appropriate focus but suggests some organization, using transitions (For example, 

Another book, Therefore) to help focus the comments. 

Uses language that is unsuitable for the audience or purpose (really boring, a very good story, 

kind of boring). The response reveals little awareness of how to use sentences to achieve an 

effect. 

Demonstrates partial control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (donot), punctuation, and 

grammar (the Of Mice and Men and towards the ends it gets better) that do not hinder 




[92]


[93]


[94]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a confused understanding of the critical lens stating that the only way that you will be 

able to understand … the book is … to know what you are reading and to follow all of the 

direction carefully. The response alludes to the critical lens, but does not use it to analyze the 

chosen texts, Siddhartha and Bless Me, Ultima. 

Is minimal, offering no evidence from the texts beyond one vague reference to Siddhartha (to 

many Character’s). 

Lacks an appropriate focus (you have to know what you are read before you can understand it) 

but suggests an organization, using transitions to sequence ideas (Yes I do agree, for example, 

Another book, In both of the book). 

Relies on basic vocabulary that is sometimes imprecise (improve my read) with little awareness 

of audience or purpose. The response exhibits some attempt to vary sentence structure with 

uneven success (Once you get the habit … will help you improve). 

Demonstrates a lack of control with frequent errors in punctuation (Yes I do, work you, 

Character’s, “Bless Me Ultima” when), paragraphing, capitalization (I Interpreted and in the 

Book), and grammar (it dont and character’s … was) that make comprehension difficult. 


in development and somewhat stronger in language use. 

[95]


[96]


Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Provides a simple interpretation of the critical lens that suggests some criteria for analysis (we 

read literature for enjoyment and to expand your horizion). The response contains no reference 

to any specific texts. 

Is minimal. The response elaborates on a personal opinion (Many students want to read books 

on there own without a deadline), but does not apply the lens to works of literature. 

Establishes, but fails to maintain, a focus on reading for enjoyment and to explore new interests. 

The response exhibits a rudimentary structure of sentences grouped together concerning aspects 

of reading, but includes irrelevancies (I would just go get the movie). 

Relies on basic vocabulary, with little awareness of audience (When your assigned a book to 

read in class by a teacher you’ll find most students will complain). The response exhibits some 

attempt to vary sentence structure for effect but with uneven success (I read the book and 

enjoyed it some much, never put the book down). 

Demonstrates emerging control, exhibiting occasional errors in spelling (Untill), punctuation 

(use of quotation marks and commas), grammar (reading tasked), and usage (their for “there” 

and some much) that hinder comprehension. 

Conclusion: Although the response fits criteria for Levels 1 and 3, it remains at Level 1 because 

it makes no reference to any specific texts. 

[97]



Quality 

Meaning 

Development 

Organization 

Language Use 

Conventions 

Commentary 

The response: 

Does not refer to the critical lens. The response reflects no analysis of the chosen texts, “The 

Most Dangerous Game” and Of Mice and Men. 

Is minimal, with no evidence of development. 

Shows no focus or organization. 

Is minimal. The response uses language that is inappropriate and occasionally incoherent (Two 

works … shur went over the arthers or dont know the gun and). 



[98]


[99]


[100]


[101]


[102]


[103]


[104]


[105]


[106]


[107]


[108]

Part B — Practice Paper – E 

[109]














[110]

Regents Comprehensive Examinations in English 

Map to Learning Standards 

Key Ideas 

Listening and writing for 

information and understanding 

Reading and writing for information 

and understanding 

Reading and writing for literary 

response 

Reading and writing for critical 

analysis and evaluation 

Part of Test 

Session One – Part A 

Session One – Part B 

Session Two – Part A 

Session Two – Part B 

[111]

Total 

Essay 

Regents Comprehensive Examination in English—August 2003 

Chart for Determining the Final Examination Score (Use for August 2003 examination only.) 

To determine the student’s final examination score, locate the student’s total essay score across the top of the chart and the student’s 

total multiple-choice score down the side of the chart. The point where those two scores intersect is the student’s final examination 

score. For example, a student receiving a total essay score of 20 and a total multiple-choice score of 22 would receive a final 

examination score of 87. 

Score ➜ 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 

0 0 2 3 5 7 10 12 15 17 20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 

1 1 2 4 6 9 11 13 16 18 21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 

2 2 3 5 7 10 12 15 17 20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 

3 2 4 6 9 11 13 16 18 21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 

4 3 5 7 10 12 15 17 20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 

5 4 6 9 11 13 16 18 21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 

6 5 7 10 12 15 17 20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 

7 6 9 11 13 16 18 21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 77 

8 7 10 12 15 17 20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 79 

9 9 11 13 16 18 21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 77 80 

10 10 12 15 17 20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 79 81 

11 11 13 16 18 21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 77 80 83 

12 12 15 17 20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 79 81 84 

13 13 16 18 21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 77 80 83 85 

14 15 17 20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 79 81 84 87 

15 16 18 21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 77 80 83 85 88 

16 17 20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 79 81 84 87 89 

17 18 21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 77 80 83 85 88 91 

18 20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 79 81 84 87 89 92 

19 21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 77 80 83 85 88 91 93 

20 23 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 79 81 84 87 89 92 94 

21 24 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 77 80 83 85 88 91 93 95 

22 26 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 79 81 84 87 89 92 94 96 

23 27 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 77 80 83 85 88 91 93 95 97 

24 28 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 79 81 84 87 89 92 94 96 98 

Total Multiple-Choice Score 

25 30 33 36 39 42 46 49 52 55 59 62 65 68 71 74 77 80 83 85 88 91 93 95 97 99 

26 31 35 38 41 44 47 51 54 57 60 63 67 70 73 76 79 81 84 87 89 92 94 96 98 100 

[112]

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