WJEC ENGLISH LITERATURE

GCE TEACHER GUIDANCE 

LT2 Internal Assessment

WJEC ENGLISH LITERATURE 

INTERNAL ASSESSMENT 

LT2 

TEACHER GUID ANCE 

INTRODUCTION 

We are grateful to the centres which provided us with the examples of students’ work which 

appear in this booklet as work-in-progress responses to the new LT2 internal assessment 

unit. 

The guidance in this booklet is directed at offering advice and support for LT2 Section A and 

Section B in terms of: 

1. Text selection 

2. Task setting 

3. Assessing student responses. 

We recommend that you also refer to the advice relating to LT2 in the Teachers’ Guide: 

http://www.wjec.co.uk/uploads/publications/5482.pdf . 

LT2 Section A: Prose Study (1500 words approximately) 


Ce ntres should nominate for WJEC approval core texts (for detailed study, by an author 

from the list of specified authors) and partner texts (for wider reading) for this prose study, 

by the date advertised online in the specification, Teachers’ Guide and GCE English 

Literature Teachers’ Bulletin. 

The term 'prose text' for both core and partner texts will be taken to include the novel, a 

collection of short stories, autobiography and memoir, travel writing and essays. In choosing 

the partner text, please remember that the texts chosen should be of sufficient 

substance and challenge for Key Stage 5 students. 

Nominations will not be accepted for texts which WJEC considers to be of insufficient 

substance and challenge for A level study, e.g. texts already established as popular 

options at Key Stages 3 and 4, or popular fiction which offers little in terms of widening 

students’ knowledge and understanding of writers’ use of literary concepts and contexts, 

form, structure and language. 

Remember that the text chosen for partner text in Section A is one of the six texts to be read 

across the AS course, and one of the twelve texts to be read across the A level course as a 

whole. 

Teachers should act as the ‘first filter’ for accepting texts selected for independent reading, 

and should consider carefully whether the text selected by the student enriches the 

student’s A level English curriculum as a whole. It is important to remember the 

following: 

• If the collection of short stories is the core text, it should be studied as a 

whole text, with candidates making reference to a range of stories. 

• If the collection of short stories is the partner text, candidates would have 

more opportunity to illuminate their core text study if a number of short stories 

1

from the collection were considered and referred to in the essay. Exceptions 

to this would be where a single, longer story such as The Awakening is 

chosen. 

2. Task-setting 

Te achers should note the following: 

• Tasks should allow students to address equally the relevant assessment 

objectives 

• Tasks should be focused on comparisons of the two chosen prose texts, with the 

emphasis falling on the core text 

• Tasks should offer candidates one or more readings with which to engage, or 

allow candidates the opportunity to engage with critical discussion 

• Tasks should allow students to consider the importance of contexts in the writing 

and receiving of both core and partner text, with the emphasis falling on the core 

text. 

• Setting a single task for the whole group should be avoided: individual interests 

should be taken account of, and students should be encouraged to formulate 

their own titles, with careful monitoring by the teacher. 

• It is not a requirement to nominate tasks to WJEC. 

Some useful approaches might be to: 

• foreground the core text in the wording of the task 

• remember that the focus on the partner text should be to illuminate the core text 

• use a quotation on the core text as a focus for the essay in order to give 

candidates an opportunity to address AO3 

• use the word ‘present’ or ‘presentation’ in order to remind candidates to treat the 

texts as literary constructs 

• give the students as narrow a focus as possible on the texts in order to stay within 

the suggested 1500 word limit 

Tasks could be set on texts by the same author, e.g. Forster's A Room with a View and 

Where Angels Fear to Tread, or Austen's Pride and Prejudice and Emma. 

Tasks could be set on texts from the same period or different periods by different 

authors, one or both from the prescribed list of 1800-1945, e.g. Jane Eyre and Wide 

Sargasso Sea, The Return of the Native and Wuthering Heights, The Remains of the Day 

and A Room with A View. 

Alternatively, candidates could study texts of different prose genres by the same author, 

e. g. a novel and short stories by D.H. Lawrence, or short stories and travel writing by D.H. 

Lawrence, or texts of different prose genres by different authors. 

To ensure a firm focus on the core text, rather than an equal treatment of core and partner 

texts, questions may be pointed towards a detailed discussion of the core text. 

2

Example taken from the specification’s Internal Assessment Guidance section: 

‘The journey away from the familiar social setting is the key to change in Forster's novels.' 

Basing your response on a comparison of 'A Room with a View' and one other novel by 

Forster, discuss to what extent you agree with this view. 

This question works well as long as the student appreciates the relationship between core 

and partner texts. 

This could be re-worded: 

‘The journey away from the familiar social setting is the key to change’. Basing your 

response on a detailed discussion of 'A Room with a View' and wider reference to one other 

novel by Forster, discuss to what extent you agree with this view of Forster’s novels. 

It is sometimes helpful to begin the question with a quotation, in order to engage the student 

with critical discussion and as a strategy for focusing on the core text. However, there are 

several possible approaches to task-setting, with some suggestions below: 

• Compare the ways in which Forster and Salinger explore the theme of repression, 

through detailed discussion of ‘A Room with a View’ and wider reference to ‘The 

Catcher in the Rye’. 

• What connections have you found between ‘Tender is the Night’ (core text) and ‘The 

Great Gatsby’ (partner text) in terms of Fitzgerald’s presentation of a decadent 

society? 

• Explore Hardy’s tragic vision of life, through a detailed discussion of ‘Tess of the 

d’Urbervilles’ and a wider consideration of ‘The Mayor of Casterbridge’. 

• It has been said that Dickens’ characters are developed at the expense of plot 

credibility. Discuss this view with detailed reference to ‘Great Expectations’ and 

consider to what extent this view could similarly be applied to your partner text. 

3. Assessing student responses 

The weighting of assessment objectives for this section is summarised below: 

LT2 % AO1 AO2 AO3 AO4 

SECTION A 20 (10) 5 (2.5) 5 (2.5) 5(2.5) 5 (2.5) 

The Prose Study is marked out of 40. The relevant assessment objectives for this section - 

AO1, AO2, AO3, AO4 - are weighted equally at 10 marks each. 

Teachers should use the LT2 Section A Assessment Grid (see specification and Section 6 of 

this Guide) to try to find the ‘best fit’ for assessment, giving an holistic mark to cover all the 

AOs which should be recorded on a coversheet for each stude nt, and also r ecorded for the 

moderation sample on the moderation sample form (see the Internal Assessment Guidelines 

of the specification for advice on administration, and examples of both forms). 

3

Applying the assessment objectives 

AO1 (10 marks) 

• articulate creative, informed and relevant responses to literary texts, using appropriate 

terminology and concepts, and coherent, accurate written expression 

There are three strands to this AO: 

(i) creative, informed and relevant 

(ii) appropriate terminology and concepts 

(iii) coherent, accurate written expression 

'Creative' will be addressed in candidates' individual interpretations of prose texts and their 

ability to make connections between prose texts. These interpretations and connections 

should be underpinned by relevant material and informed judgements. 

'Appropriate' terminology and concepts should include a reasonable range of terms 

and ideas from the 'tool-kit' acquired in the course of prose analysis study. See the 

tool-kit of commonly used terms in the Appendix of the Teachers’ Guide 

http://www.wjec.co.uk/uploads/publications/5482.pdf 

for some suggestions. The Assessment Grid for LT2 Section A (see page 26 of this Guide) 

shows the importance of 'relevant' use of concepts and terminology. This AO allows 

candidates to show the skill of 'using literary critical concepts and terminology with 

understanding and discrimination' (specification, page 10). 

'Coherent, accurate' writing will support the expression of ideas and construction of an 

argument, and to allow candidates to 'communicate fluently, accurately and effectively' 

(specification, page 10). 


• demonstrate detailed critical understanding in analysing the ways in which structure, form 

and language shape meanings in literary texts 

This AO enables candidates to show their knowledge and understanding of 'the functions 

an d effects of structure, form and language in texts' (specification, page 11). It is worth 

emphasising that detailed analysis of structure, form and language is required only for the 

core text, i.e. the core text from the prescribed list of prose authors for Section A. 


• explore connections and comparisons between different literary texts, informed by 

interpretations of other readers 

There are two strands to this AO: 

(i) making connections and comparisons between texts 

(ii) informed by interpretations of other readers. 

It should be noted that interpretations of 'other readers' should primarily inform students' 

reading of the core text. However, students’ independent interpretations and approaches to 

the text are as valid and important as their reference to critics. It is recommended good 

practice to include a bibliography with each piece of work. 


• Demonstrate understanding of the significance and influence of the contexts in which 

literary texts are written and received. 

When marking responses, teachers should consider whether the student has addressed 

context in one or more of the following three ways: 

4

a) the influences on the writing of the texts; these may be cultural/social/political; 

b) how a reader might receive the texts; 

c) the partner text itself providing context for the core text. 

Candidates may show some awareness of all three ways but they are not expected to 

address them equally. 

LT2 Section B: Creative Reading (1500 words approximately in total - 750 each 

for Creative Writing Response and Commentary) 


It is important to bear in mind the first of the Aims on page 8 of the specification: 

• To encourage AS and A level students to develop their interest in and enjoyment 

of literature and literary studies through reading widely and independently both 

set texts and others that they have selected for themselves. 

Wherever possible, students should be encouraged to choose a stimulus prose text from 

their independent wider reading. The stimulus text should not be regarded as a class 

text for formal study. The student’s own writing should have primary attention. 

This section of the course is unique in that it does not assess knowledge and understanding 

of a text/texts but: 

(i) the creativity of a candidate’s response to his/her wider reading 

(ii) the candidate’s ability to comment on his/her response as a literary construct 

and the influence of the stimulus text. 

If the class text study approach is adopted, it may have the effect of restricting the 

opportunities for students to make independent choices and to write in a genre/style/form etc 

that particu larly interests them. The stimulus text does not have to be nominated in advance 

but must be named on the coversheet. (Please note: from 2010 the stimulus texts must 

be nominated.) 

Teachers are entrusted with the task of approving the text chosen by the student. It should 

be borne in mind that this text is one of the stipulated six texts for AS and the expectation is 

that the texts chosen should be of sufficient substance and challenge for Key Stage 5 

students. 

2. Task-setting 

It is not a requirement that students should model the style/genre of the stimulus text: they 

are free to write in any literary genre, (i.e. as listed in the specification) and need only use the 

stimulus text as a source of inspiration for their own writing. Teachers should avoid tasks 

which encourage derivative writing. 

The following approaches should be avoided by teachers and students: 

Re-creative writing: 

• extra chapters 

• prequel/sequel 

• prologues/epilogues 

5

• pastiche 

• modernising original/ 

• diaries /monologues of characters from the stimulus text. 

Please remember that the student’s own text should be regarded as the core text and the 

stimulus text as the partner text. 

Examples of writing in different genres from that of the stimulus text 

• Student reads Enduring Love by Ian McEwan and writes poetry on the theme of 

obsession. In her commentary, she will discuss her own writing primarily, 

concentrating on the effects and stylistic choices she has created/used. She will 

make reference to the ideas and genre of the stimulus text. 

• Student reads The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood and writes a drama script 

on the theme of religious conflict/ dystopia. In his commentary, he will discuss the 

effects he wanted to create, showing understanding of the different contexts in 

which his text and the stimulus text were written and might be received. 

3. Assessing student responses 

The weighting of assessment objectives for this section is summarised below: 

LT2 % AO1 AO2 AO3 AO4 

SECTION B 20 (10) 10 (5) 5 (2.5) 5 (2.5) 

The 40 marks for this section are divided equally between task (i), the creative writing 

response, for which there is only one Assessment Objective, AO1, and task (ii), the 

commentary, which is assessed by AO2 and AO4. It should b e noted that the 20 marks 

available for the commentary should be notionally awarded as 10 each for the two relevant 

assessment objectives, AO2 and AO4. 

Teachers should use the LT2 Section B Assessment Grid (see specification and Section 6 of 

this Guide) to try to find the ‘best fit’ for assessment, and should give an holistic mark to 

cover both objectives. The separate marks for the writing and for the commentary should be 

recorded and totalled on a coversheet for each student, and also recorded for the 

moderation sample on the moderation sample form (see the Internal Assessment Guidelines 

of the specification for advice on administration, and examples of both forms). 

How to assess (ii) the Commentary 

This task of approximately 750 words is also worth 20 marks. 

Candidates should focus on: 

• their use of structure, form and language 

(detailed analysis as their text is the core) 

• the features of the stimulus prose text 

(wider reference to some features of the stimulus, partner text) 

• what effects were aimed at 

(in terms of genre, audience and purpose) 

• the significance and influence of relevant contexts. 

6

Commentary: Key points to remember: 

Candidates should: 

• Focus primarily on their own text, commenting in detail on its genre, language, 

form, structure and ideas 

• Include some wider reference to the stimulus text in terms of 

genre/language/form/structure/ideas. 

Candidates should not see the commentary as an exercise in comparing their work 

with the stimulus tex t, but think of the stimulus as an influence only. 

Matching the 2 Assessment Objectives (weighted equally at 10 marks each) to 

the commentary task: 

• AO2: (detailed critical understanding) 

The commentary should discuss features of genre, language, form and structure in 

both the candidate's own text (core text) and the stimulus text (partner text), but with 

detailed analysis of their own text and wider reference to the stimulus text. 

Overview: Candidates should show an engagement with the craft of writing in both 

texts. 

• AO4: (context) 

In addressing AO4, candidates should consider the significance/influence of the 

following as appropriate: 

• any influences relevant to the writing of the stimulus text, e.g. 

social/political/historical etc. 

• the influences of the stimulus text on the candidate's own writing, in terms of ideas, 

attitudes and values. 

• the context in which the candidate's own writing (the core text) was composed and 

might be received. 

Overview: Candidates should show a clear awareness of contextual influences in the 

writing of both texts. 

7

LT2 SECTION A: PROSE STUDY 

Candidate A 

Core text: Tess of the d’Urbervilles 

Partner Text: The Handmaid’s Tale 

8

“‘Tess of the d’Urbervilles’ is primarily a novel about a female victim of male power.” 

Explore this idea in Hardy’s novel and consider how Atwood’s ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ 

illuminates your understanding of the core text. 

Fr om the opening chapters of Hardy’s ‘Tess of the d’Urbervilles’ it might be argued that the 

protagonist’s life is controlled by patriarchy. Despite the novel’s title presenting Tess as the 

central character, the opening chapter is dominated by two men whose conversation on ‘an 

useless piece of information’ controls Tess’s fate for the remainder of the novel. Hardy ties in 

this male dominance with the history of the land as he describes the ‘killing…of a beautiful 

white hart’ by ‘Thomas de la Lynd’, proleptically preparing the reader for another pure and 

beautiful creature who will be hunted by violent men. It is not only Tess who is the victim of 

male power as the rare occurrence of the dancing ‘members being solely women’ is because 

of ‘a sarcastic attitude on the part of male relatives’. It seems as if Hardy is not merely 

suggesting that Tess herself is a victim of male dominance as he draws the reader’s 

attention to the overarching patriarchal control of Victorian society, marginalising women. 

The rather clichéd presentation of the Victorian villain, Alec d’Urberville, with his ‘wellgroomed-moustache 

with curled points’ addresses Tess as ‘my big Beauty’ at their first 

meeting. The use of the possessive pronoun suggests that Alec immediately considers Tess 

to belong to him and his comment on her beauty implies that he views her as a sexual 

object. Atwood, in her dystopian novel ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’, strips Offred of her sexuality 

through the use of the dress ‘prescribed’ by the male dominated regime of Gilead despite 

her desire to use her sexuality to empower her, wishing the guards would stand ‘stiffly’ 

watching her ‘retreating shape(s)’. The power of Tess’s sexuality, however, is used against 

her as Alec sexually feeds her strawberries and eroticises her through placing the ‘roses in 

her bosom’ underlining his view of her as an object to be enjoyed rather than an equal to 

respect. 

Whereas the narrator slowly zooms in on Tess in the novel’s second chapter, at the end of 

‘The Maiden’ the narrator draws back offering a philosophical discussion rather than a 

description of the scene. The continuous questions, ‘where was Tess’s guardian angel? 

where was Providence?’ not only suggest a critique of the ultimate patriarchal power in 

questioning the idea of a God but also present Tess as a victim. The delicate language 

emphasising her purity and innocence, ‘sensitive as gossamer…blank as snow’ and the 

stress on the ‘feminine tissue’ invokes the reader’s sympathies and Hardy seems to remind 

us of her innocence as a victim. Atwood presents Offred similarly as a victim through her 

loneliness and her lack of power. Moreover, theology is used to suppress Offred and make 

her powerless, and as Tess is raped not only is she entirely alone but biblical ideas ‘do(es) 

not mend the matter.’ Both texts seem to suggest the dangers of Christian beliefs which is 

perhaps more shocking for Hardy’s contemporaries but no less powerful than Atwood’s 

warnings of the religious right in eighties America. Ultimately, both Atwood and Hardy use 

this powerlessness to create a sense of sympathy towards the novels’ main characters and, 

consequently, for us to view them as victims of male power. 

The appearance of Angel Clare seems to suggest that not all men control women. The 

sensuous descriptions of the garden, ‘damp and rank with juicy grass’ reflects both Tess and 

Angel’s feelings. Some have suggested that through the use of the ‘garden’ Hardy is making 

reference to ‘the Edenic myth’ where there is no guilt or fear and thus a greater equality in 

the relationship than with Alec. However, Angel could be seen here as a seducer, taking on 

the role of Eve, as he lures Tess into the garden, suggesting again that Tess is a victim of 

male dominance. Hardy’s descriptions of nature in the Var valley reflect Tess’s happiness, 

caused not by male power but by love. This is undermined by Hardy’s presentation of Angel 

on his and Tess’s wedding night. His judgemental attitude highlighted by his cruel laughter, 

‘as unnatural and ghastly as a laugh in hell’ and the narrator’s description of Tess as a 

‘species’, de-humanising her, reiterate the same idea that Tess is indeed a victim of male 

Comment [r1]: AO1 grasp of 

concepts 

Comment [r2]: A02 

overview, beginning to see 

some detailed understanding 

Comment [r3]: AO1 

terminology 

Comment [r4]: AO2 apt 

texrual support, detailed critical 

understanding 


significance of social/cultural 

contexts 


evaluates 

Comment [r7]: A04 cultural 

context 

Comment [r8]: A02 sound 

analysis of language 

Comment [r9]: A04 literary 

context 


productive connection 

Comment [r11]: A03 specific 

and productive 


form,structure 


focussed – effectively 

structured 


analysis and evaluation of 

language 


connection 

Comment [ r16]: A02/A03/A0 

4 overview/sophisticated 

connection/context of partner 

illuminates core text; religious 

and political contexts; original 

readers’ responses 

Comment [r17]: A02/A03 

overview/connection 

Comment [r18]: A03 other 

readings 


informed by relevant 

interpretations 


absorbs critical opinions 


language 

9

power. She again becomes an object to judge and to cast aside as Angel, through his cold 

and distant educated language, calls her an ‘unapprehending peasant woman, who have 

never been initiated into the proportions of social things.’ Unlike Offred, for whom Atwood 

gives some sense of freedom through her ability to pun and playfully deconstruct the 

language of male power, Hardy gives Tess no such ability as she suffers unjustly under 

Angel’s educated voice. 

Despite the fact that Hardy seems to present Tess as a victim of male dominance, there is 

much more to the novel than that and much more to Tess’s suffering. It might be argued that 

it is not only under men that Tess suffers but also by the members of her own sex. Even in 

what is considered to be a feminist novel, Atwood presents the animosity between Offred 

and Serena Joy, ‘she didn’t step aside to let me in’ and it is Car Darch’s jealousy that leads 

to Alec’s rape at the end of ‘The Maiden’. Moreover, it could be argued that the abuse of 

male power isn’t to blame for Tess’s tragedy but fate. Even before she meets Alec, the 

narrator suggests that she is ‘doomed’ to meet him first and not Angel. The continual 

reference to her ‘strange destiny’ follows Tess to her death as the ‘President of the 

Immortals’ ends his ‘sport with Tess.’ Despite the reference to fate here as male, there is a 

sense throughout the novel that Tess is made a victim by more impersonal forces as she is 

presented as doomed from the outset. 

To consider the novel only in terms of female suffering denies the richness of Hardy’s work. 

Hardy’s evocative descriptions of the landscape alert the reader to a changing world as the 

in dustrial revolution takes hold. It is not only Tess who is violated by this new world, 

presented in the guise of Alec, the Stoke-d’Urberville, but also nature itself as the field 

animals suffer ‘under the teeth of the unerring reaper’ in ‘Maiden no More’. Hardy’s 

description of the reaper foresees the twentieth century’s factory conveyor belt, dehumanising 

those who work ‘with clock-like monotony’ because of it. Nature however, isn’t 

benign. The name ‘Flintcomb-Ash’ itself creates the hardness and coldness of natures 

treatment of the women who work there. In the detailed descriptions of nature, though Tess 

becomes often a mere speck, ‘Thus Tess walks on’, the fact that Hardy zooms in on her 

reveals her significance and value, ‘a figure which is part of the landscape; a field-woman 

pure and simple.’ There is a sense of suffering here perhaps but also of beauty and strength 

and fortitude. Woman is not merely presented as a victim but as a strong and stoical figure. 

‘Tess of the D’Urbervilles’ can be read as a novel of the suffering of women at the hands of 

men yet the denouement of the novel suggests that there is much more here. Although not 

immediately clear, just as Atwood plays with narrative technique, using fairytales and the 

unreliable narrator for example, Hardy also plays with his use of the narrative voice. At 

times, the narrator gives us a socio-historical account of a place or an area. At other times, 

the narrative seems like an extract from a travel journal while, as previously discussed, there 

are philosophical musings and a consideration of a variety of issues such as organised 

religion, pagan beliefs and the idea of fate. It is interesting that at the end of the novel, as the 

rhythm slows and time stands still through the short sentence, ‘It was a black flag’, signifying 

Tess’s death, Angel and Liza-Lu, ‘arose, joined hands, and went on.’ Hardy seems to 

suggest that neither fate, nor history, nor religion, nor philosophy can make sense of human 

suffering. The only option available is simply to arise and go on. Perhaps Atwood alludes to 

the same idea at the end of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ as Offred steps up into the ‘darkness 

within; or else the light.’ The uncertainty of what faces her is the same human condition that 

Angel and Liza-Lu face at the end of ‘Tess’ and which faces all of us in a world of suffering, 

seemingly devoid of meaning. 


language shapes meaning, 

implicit meanings 


terminology 

Comment [r24]: A04 context 

of partner illuminates core 


comparison 

Comment [r26]: A03 other 

readings 


significant and productive 

comparison 

Comment [r28]: A03 clear 

and confident judgements, 

explores interpretations 


confident handling of implicit 

meanings 

Comment [r30]: A02/A03/A0 

4 confident handling and 

overview/other 

readings/relevant social 

context 

Comment [r31]: A04 social 

context 

Comment [r32]: A02 sound 

analysis 


language 

Comment [r34]: A02 form 

(narrative technique) 

Comment [ r35]: A02/A03 

detailed critical 

understanding/offers 

alternative reading to task 


structured, accurate, fluent 

Comment [r37]: A03 specific 

connection 

Comment [ r38]: A02 

overview, awareness of 

structure and form 


structure 

Comment [r40]: A02 implicit 

meanings 

Comment [r41]: A01/A02/A0 

3 confident, accurate, 

fluent/sound analysis and 

evaluation/specific and 

productive connection 

10

Principal Moderator’s Comments 

“‘Tess of the d’Urbervilles’ is primarily a novel about a female victim of male power.” 

Explore this idea in Hardy’s novel and consider how Atwood’s ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ 

illuminates your understanding of the core text. 

Using a critical quotation to focus the essay allows the candidate to consider different 

opinions while also focussing clearly on the core text. Moreover, the way the partner text 

should be used is clarified in the task itself. There could be a danger here of by-passing 

close analysis of the writers’ techniques and merely dealing with the novels’ ideas. Perhaps 

the second half of the task could be re-phrased as, ‘Explore how Hardy presents this idea…’ 

in order to tackle AO2. 

AO1 From the outset the essay focuses on the set task and continues to do so throughout. 

The written expression is accurate and fluent and terminology, which can be rather 

sophisticated at times, is used in order to illuminate the understanding of the texts. The 

response is creative in the way that the student manages to continually explore the critical 

quotation with the lightness of touch given to the partner text. When it is used, it is always 

with a clear focus and purpose. The essay is well controlled throughout and the argument is 

sustained which creates a fluent response. High Band 4. 

AO2 Analysis is detailed and productive with some insightful comments on form, structure 

and language. Indeed, there is a sound understanding here of the detail of the texts with 

some close attention paid to the use of language in specific chapters. Hardy’s narrative 

techniques are also considered and the way parts of the novel are structured along with an 

awareness of the way form creates meaning, such as the consideration of the use of 

rhetorical questions at the end of the ‘The Maiden’. The sophisticated overviews, aware 

throughout of how Hardy shapes meaning, are a sign of a confident candidate. Implicit 

meanings are explored and there is some considered analysis and evaluation of writers’ 

techniques. 

High Band 4. 

AO3 The essay strikes the correct balance between core and partner texts with a willingness 

to allow ‘Tess of the d’Urbervilles’ to remain the focus. Connections are only made when 

necessary and the detail is always used in order to illuminate the core text. This is done 

through the use of language, form and structure as well as using the different contexts of the 

texts to compare and illuminate meanings. There is a continual awareness of different 

readings, mostly as a response to the critical opinion offered in the wording of the task. The 

word ‘explore’ in the task encourages this and the ideas of female conflict, fate, nature and 

religion show some sophisticated awareness of other readings of the text other than ‘female 

victim of male power.’ It would be better practice to use quotations by critics correctly and to 

include a bibliography. High Band 4. 

AO4 Contextual detail is woven into the essay and illuminates the texts. This is seen in the 

ways that the Victorian era is considered with its social, cultural and political contexts, from 

patriarchal power to the industrial revolution. The context of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ is used to 

illuminate the core text through the discussion of religion. Context is also used in terms of 

how the original audiences might have responded in the periods that they were published. 

The contexts are used throughout in order to illuminate the core text and to focus on the set 

task. High Band 4. 

Final Mark 40/40 High Band 4 

11


Candidate B 

Core text: Frankenstein 

Partner Text: Brave New World 

12

"How does Mary Shelley present suffering in "Frankenstein"? In the course of your 

answer you should refer to "Brave New World". 

In “Frankenstein” Mary Shelley presents us with a number of characters who could be said 

to suffer. Initially we are offered Victor’s narrative as told to Walton aboard the stricken ship. 

In Victor, we are presented with a character who wants to reform the world. His ambition to 

discover that “spark” which creates life locates him within the contemporaneous “Principle of 

Life Debate” and perhaps makes him a rather exciting and charismatic character. It is easy 

to read Victor as the quintessential Promethean rebel; that character who is prepared to 

suffer extraordinary punishment for his endeavours. He describes how his, “cheek had 

grown pale with study, and (his) person had become emaciated with confinement” 

demonstrating that his very health suffers in the pursuit of science. The “confinement” 

suggests the solitude that Victor must endure and, indeed, he locates himself in a “solitary 

chamber” hinting at something that is almost like a cell or prison. 

In many ways Shelley presents Victor as a suffering Romantic Hero; a man who refuses to 

be bound by society’s expectations and limits and who turns to his own imagination and 

creativity; he desires to create a “new species” that will have an “excellent nature”; perhaps 

an acknowledgement of the corruption of man as he is. John the Savage in “Brave New 

World” also embodies these ideas; a man who recognises the corruption of society and who 

desires to radically reform it. Whilst John’s destruction of soma and his repugnant horror at 

the “bestial stupidity” of the Deltas, suggesting that the Deltas are made animals, may not 

seem as significant as Victor’s experiments, both can be seen as vehicles used by the 

authors to critique the nature of society. 

We understand that Victor is a rebel and within the context of the early 19 th Century, with its 

rigid social codes and hierarchies, this rebellion must have seemed a rather exciting 

prospect. Victor is prepared to over-reach, but in so doing he is punished and doomed to 

suffer. Suffering as a result of “difference” and a rejection of normal society is also reflected 

through John. His self-inflicted violence and isolation hint at the desolation of such extreme 

suffering, “His back was horizontally streaked with crimson, and from weal to weal ran thick 

trickles of blood.” The violence of the imagery and the vividness of the blood encourage us 

to understand how low John has become. Indeed, there is sympathy created for John’s 

plight and we are encouraged to view the World State through John’s eyes; we are acutely 

aware of its shallowness and absurdity when he discusses the “feelies” with Mond, “but the 

new ones are stupid and horrible”. The simplicity of John’s diction reveals his inability to 

comprehend the desensitized nature of the World State and he relies instead on 

Shakespearian expletives, “Goats and Monkeys”. John is destined never to fit in and as a 

result he suffers. 

John’s experience helps us to understand the depth of Victor’s suffering. Like John, Victor 

falls and is destined to live in isolation. Victor’s downfall, a result of his scientific aspirations, 

elicits a sympathetic response from the reader. Indeed, Victor states, “I was cursed by some 

devil, and carried about with me my external hell” conveying that Victor is destined to be 

forever burdened by his actions. The images of the “devil” and “hell” reflect Victor’s fall, like 

Satan’s, and the knowledge of his own “evil” means that his suffering is all consuming and 

intense. Victor destroys his own family and, as a result, he desires his own death, “soon will 

death extinguish these throbbings, and relieve me from the mighty weight of anguish that 

bears me to the dust”. Shelley, throughout the account of Victor’s suffering, repeats the idea 

that Victor is made heavy by the knowledge of his actions and their consequences. Similarly, 

John’s suicide in “Brave New World” encourages us to emapthise with the character’s 

suffering; the desolate image of John’s body moving, “Slowly, yet slowly, like two unhurried 

compass needles”, indicating that John has never been able to locate a place where he can 

fit in, encourages us to understand why it is impossible for these characters to live with the 

burden of their suffering. Whilst we do sympathise with John’s suffering, we recognise that it 

13

is perhaps not as acute as Victor’s. As critics comment: it is the depth to which Victor sinks 

that makes him so great; he suffers in a way that the reader can not even conceive of. 

In contrast, however, we can also understand that Victor’s suffering is self-inflicted. In this 

way we are aware that Victor brings about his own downfall. Victor rejects his family, 

lamenting the “silken cord” that suffocated his childhood and in that image acknowledges 

that his family spoiled and indulged him; Victor has an idyllic childhood, but rejects it. His 

desperate need to leave the private sphere, hints at an inability to develop relationships. In 

the 1818 version of “Frankenstein” Elizabeth and Victor are cousins and this has lead critics 

to speculate about the incestuous nature of the relationship. Certainly, the dream of kissing 

Elizabeth in which, “her features appeared to change, and (he) thought he held the corpse of 

(his) dead mother in (his) arms” suggest an unresolved and perhaps inappropriate blurring 

between his mother and future wife. In this way, we can read Victor’s experiments as an 

attempt to usurp the role of women, making his creation inevitably an unnatural monster. 

Victor is characterized, in many ways, as arrogant and foolish; a man who deliberately 

occupies the periphery of society. Bernard in “Brave New World” is a character who displays 

similar contemptible traits and could be said to create his own suffering. Like Victor, he is 

self-indulgent and self-obsessed. Bernard even remarks that John is his “victim” friend and 

that, “One of the principle functions of a friend is to suffer”. Bernard’s friendship with John is 

self-seeking and he wants to use the savage to garner popularity. This parallels Victor, who 

describes how “No father could claim the gratitude of his child so completely” as he will with 

his creation, hinting that his motives are not altruistic, for the sake of humanity, but are in fact 

egotistical. 

Victor sets himself upon a dangerous and destructive path and his hubris means that he is 

unable to recognise his own failings. Victor’s disappointment on beholding the monster, and 

his description of the “catastrophe” in the creation of a “wretch” seem naïve given that he 

expressed doubts about his own process and whether he should “attempt the creation of a 

being” like himself; Victor misappropriates the “new” science and goes too far. In “Brave New 

World” this misuse of science is mirrored; Huxley was incredibly suspicious about “false 

science”; those theories, like Freud’s, that purport to explain all human behaviour without 

taking into account individuality and difference. Science, for Huxley, should be dynamic, but 

in the World State science is used to create stability and inertia. The lack of consideration for 

difference is satirized in the Hatchery, “The bulging ranks of row on receding row and tier 

above tier of bottles glinted” and Huxley’s contempt for this process is highlighted in the 

images of death that are used to describe the Conditioning Centre, “The light was frozen, 

dead, a ghost” and hands are “gloved with a pale corpse-coloured rubber”. It is ironic that a 

location where embryos are developed is described in terms of death and decay, indicating 

that this is an entirely dehumanizing experience and process. We can, therefore, appreciate 

that both texts can be read as a critique of “false science”. We understand that Victor is at 

the forefront of scientific endeavour, but as critics have suggested, he fails when he does not 

take responsibility for his actions. 

Ultimately, if we are to consider suffering in the novel, perhaps we should turn to the 

monster’s experience. The monster can be considered the most isolated character in 

Shelley’s novel. From the start, at his birth, he is rejected by his “father”, “he muttered some 

inarticulate sounds, while a grin wrinkled his cheeks… one hand was stretched out”. To the 

reader, this description is reminiscent of a child looking for warmth and affection and evokes 

a sense of vulnerability, but Victor reads the signs as threatening. In many ways we can read 

the monster as part of Victor; a dark part of the creator that is given a form in the monster. 

This makes the rejection all the more profound and helps us to sympathise with the 

monster’s suffering. 

14

The monster is judged by all who come across him; Victor exclaims that on first seeing his 

creation “breathless horror and disgust filled (his) heart”. Victor is rendered speechless by 

his own work and we understand just how repulsively deformed this being is. The De Laceys 

are also guilty of rejecting the monster; the monster is attacked by Felix, causing him to 

lament that his, “heart sunk within (him) as with bitter sickness”. The language used by 

Shelley to describe the monster and his experiences convey a sense of the desolation of his 

existence and suggest a critique of the ways in which society judges according to 

appearance. Like the monster, John is destined to always been an outsider; he is judged on 

the reservation and in the World State and his experiences demonstrate the corrupting 

influence of society. The death of John’s mother is undignified; Huxley’s describes the ward 

as “maggoty” with children that “swarmed” and “crawled”. The insect imagery used to 

describe the children suggests the debasing and demeaning nature of the World State and 

the corrupting influence of the popular culture and America. John’s experiences of the 

shallowness of the World State serve to heighten our understanding of the pitiless society 

that the monster inhabits. 

It is perhaps also true that, through the monster, Shelley presents us with a symbol of the 

French Revolution; a “man” who suffers extraordinary social injustice and eventually rebels 

agains t that injustice in bloody revolt. It is hard to know whether Shelley is presenting these 

revolutionary ideas as inevitable and desirable, but certainly we can understand the 

degrading and humiliating experience of rejection. The monster learns the injustice of 

humanity, sheltering in the hovel, and, it could be argued, is made monstrous because of his 

education. 

The monster’s suffering is made most clear at the end of the novel when he speaks with 

Walton. Until this point, the monster has not even been afforded his own voice; his story 

being embedded in the narratives of Victor and Walton. At the close of the novel, Shelley 

en courages us to understand that the monster’s suffering has been greater than Victor’s. He 

states that his heart was “fashioned to be susceptible of love and sympathy” but was 

“wrenched by misery to vice and hatred” and he describes the “torture” of the change. The 

monster’s language is eloquent and convincing and here he reveals to the reader that the 

change in character was experienced as physical torment and agony. In the same way, 

John’s final suffering is made clear when he is made the subject of the detested “feelies”; a 

final shameful betrayal by society. We understand that John has suffered, but he is 

nonetheless an extremely flawed character. Like Victor, John is unable to form relationships, 

attacking Lenina. He is often characterized as rather arrogant, even though he often 

misunderstand his reading, muddling Puck and Ariel and failing to learn from his reading of 

“Othello”. Ultimately it is Shelley’s character who conveys a true depth of suffering. The 

monster declares, “even that enemy of God and man had friends and associates in his 

desolation; I am alone”. The allusion to Satan’s fall and suffering characterizes the monster 

as the true sufferer of this novel and John’s experiences only serve to heighten our 

appreciation of the monster’s true torment. 

15


How does Shelley present suffering in ‘Frankenstein’? In the course of your answer 

you should refer to ‘Brave New World’. 

Th e set task gives the candidate a clear focus for the essay and foregrounds ‘Frankenstein’ 

as the core text. Explaining the role of the partner text might have been more helpful as 

would giving the student something more to consider rather than merely ‘How does Shelley 

present…’. Considering the significance of suffering would allow some focus on the second 

part of AO3. A better worded task might be: Explore the presentation and significance of 

suffering in ‘Frankenstein’. In the course of your answer, consider the ways in which ‘Brave 

New World’ illuminates your understanding of the core text. 

AO1 Despite too much discussion of the partner text, the essay is well organised and 

structured and reads fluently. Terminology and concepts are clearly understood and 

confidently considered. The attention given to character rather than to suffering on the whole 

weakens this AO a little as it loses some focus as a consequence. The essay is rather long 

(approximately 400 words over the suggested limit) and this compromises the quality of the 

essay as it lacks the close focus required. This, again, could be tackled through giving less 

space to the partner and some added development to some ideas in discussing 

‘Frankenstein’. Band 4. 

AO2 There’s some very good analysis of language throughout, exploring how meaning is 

created. Moreover, some of Shelley’s and Huxley’s techniques to present suffering are 

considered and evaluated, particularly in terms of the characters. This leads to some good 

response to implicit meanings while the candidate also reveals an overview of some of the 

ideas, such as Victor’s presentation as the ‘quintessential Promethean rebel’ for example. 

There is a tendency for the essay to read as a character study rather than as an essay on 

suffering in ‘Frankenstein’ which affects the quality of the overview. There is little on 

structure which could be explored through some consideration of narrative technique. The 

space given to ‘Brave New World’ weakens the analysis of the core text where ideas are, at 

times, left undeveloped. The essay’s third paragraph is a good example of this lack of detail 

on the core text. Low Band 4. 

AO3 Throughout the essay the candidate seeks to make relevant connections between core 

and partner texts and comparisons can be intelligent and thoughtful, showing some 

awareness of how the partner text illuminates ‘Frankenstein’. Comments such as ‘John’s 

experience helps us to understand the depth of Victor’s suffering’ with the analysis that 

follows on ‘Frankenstein’ offer a good example of how the relationship between core and 

partner can be developed. It is a pity that the exploration on ‘Brave New World’ is too 

detailed as it doesn’t always serve to highlight the core text, almost becoming a separate 

discussion. This candidate makes clear and confident judgements and offers some 

alternative readings of the text while absorbing some critical opinion. There could be some 

more detail here again as with the idea of the monster as a symbol of the French Revolution. 

Low Band 4. 

AO4 This is the strongest aspect of the essay with specific and productive connections being 

made between texts and contexts. There is a sound appreciation of the significance and 

influence of ideas such as the Romantic Hero, the French Revolution and the ways that the 

authors criticise society. The discussion of the scientific contexts of both texts is particularly 

illuminating as the partner text is used here to illuminate the understanding of the core. 

High Band 4. 

Final Mark 34/40 Band 4 

16


Candidate C 

Core text: The Awakening 

Partner Text: The Tenant of Wildfell Hall 

17

How do Kate Chopin and Anne Bronte use their protagonists to critique the 

position of women in conventional 19 th Century marriages? 

Both Edna in ‘The Awakening’, and Helen in ‘The Tenant of Wildfell Hall’ defy expectations 

of the stereotypical Victorian woman. During the reign of Queen Victoria, a woman’s place 

was considered to be in the home. A good and virtuous woman’s life revolved around the 

domestic sphere of the home and family; she was expected to be diligent and pious. 

Domesticity and motherhood were portrayed as sufficient emotional fulfilment for women, 

and marriage signified a woman’s maturity and respectability. However, towards the end of 

the century, the ‘first-wave’ of feminism began to emerge, with the aim of gaining better 

education and employment for middle-class women. 

In terms of literature, Romanticism had become prominent as a movement. This can be seen 

in ‘The Awakening’ through Chopin’s use of exotic locations, use of colour and an emphasis 

on nature. Naturalism is also evident in ‘The Awakening’ as Kate Chopin portrays Edna’s 

search for individuality and freedom, and the contradiction between these; Edna is portrayed 

as hostage to her biology. Moreover, we must also be aware that the literary movements of 

the 19 th century likewise affected Chopin’s predecessors. Anne Bronte, for example, 

produced one of the first feminist novels and overturned sexual politics of the time. This 

unification of ideas led certain critics to deem ‘The Tenant of Wildfell Hall’ “utterly unfit to be 

put into the hands of girls”. Literature emerged as an outlet for self expression; the 

unreserved, forthright Helen Graham and Edna Pontellier set a new standard of behaviour 

for 19 th century women. 

Living in a state no more satisfying than slavery, women of the 19 th century were held under 

man-made laws to become dependant on men: first as a daughter and then as a wife. Once 

married, their husbands had full right to their money, inheritance, earning and full rights to 

th eir wife. Every man had the right to force his wife into sex and into childbirth. This is 

exemplified early in ‘The Awakening’, when Mr. Pontellier regards Edna as the “sole object 

of his existence”. The use of “object” dehumanises Edna, and brings her down to the level of 

an inanimate being or “object”. Additionally, although (according to Leonce) “Edna was not a 

mother woman,” it is made clear that Edna is not abused by Leonce. It is also evident that 

Edna is not criticised by other characters in the novel for not attending to her children’s 

needs. 

Edna is childlike and overly imaginative “She had pictured him [Robert] seeking her at the 

very first hour,” and soon realises the discrepancy between her romantic visions and the 

reality of her situation. Edna fails to consider the needs and desires of anyone else; 

especially those of her children, leaving them in the care of their grandmother without a 

second thought. Her children are also described as “sturdy little fellows” and “if one of the 

litt le Pontellier boys took a tumble whilst at play, he was not apt to rush crying to his mother’s 

arms for comfort, he would more likely pick himself up, wipe the water out of his eyes and 

the sand out of his mouth and go on playing.” This independence shown by the children can 

only be a result of their mother’s lack of maternal care and love for them. As Sheri Metzger 

states, ‘Edna attempts to reject this patriarchal society, but she does not have the freedom to 

do so. Edna cannot escape society and her marriage; all she can do is escape her life’. 

Typical women of the 19 th century “worshipped their husbands” and could be seen “fluttering 

about with extended, protecting wings.” However, of course, their wings were only intended 

to exist for protecting, and not flying, showing us that 19 th century women were not expected 

to break away from conventions and were tied down to family life. 

18

On the other hand, Edna’s polar opposite, Helen Graham, a ‘mother woman’, epitomises the 

ideal for a 19 th century woman. To protect her son from “one degrading vice at least” she 

puts an emetic into a glass of wine to deter him from drinking. Despite this, the society in 

which she lives in persecutes her for acting the way she does towards her son, claiming that 

she will make “the poor child will be the veriest milksop that was ever sopped” and asking 

“only think what a man you will make of him.” 

Despite this, the culture that they have both been immersed in has an effect on the 

protagonists’ actions towards their children. In the unrestrained Creole society, there is only 

comment on Edna’s lack of maternal responsibility from her husband. Despite this, Creole 

society has gendered expectations of Edna, and she enunciates that her self will, will not be 

confined by society’s demands: “I don’t want anything but my own, That is wanting a good 

deal of course, when you have to trample upon the lives, the hearts the prejudices of 

others…” Although Chopin was socially ostracised for her portrayal of Edna as a 19 th 

Century woman, and Edna was deemed a very controversial character, her actions were the 

culmination of being married to a husband she didn’t love, dealing with motherhood, and the 

result of gendered expectations that she could not (and did not want to) fulfil. 

In contrast to ‘The Tenant of Wildfell Hall’ however, Creole society was lenient with Edna, 

and how comfortably she let the “pressures” of motherhood provoke her appetite for 

independence. Helen, the stronger of the two protagonists, in the same way as Edna, did not 

give into society either. However, the affliction she had to grapple with was that of her 

abusive, controlling husband. 

The Matrimonial Causes Act of 1857 gave men the right to divorce their wives on the 

grounds of adultery. However, married women were not able to obtain a divorce if they 

discovered that their husbands had been unfaithful, they had to prove that he had committed 

adultery as well as incest, bigamy, cruelty or desertion. Once divorced, the children became 

the man’ s property and the mother could be prevented from seeing her children. 

Nevertheless, it was frowned upon by society if a man divorced his wife, and social 

expectations saw that this was achieved. 

This is made particularly clear in ‘The Awakening’. Leonce is working away, and Edna, in the 

midst of her turmoil, decides that she is going to move out of their home and into the ‘pigeon 

house’. When Mr. Pontellier hears of Edna’s decision, “he immediately wrote her a letter of 

unqualified disapproval and remonstrance.” This shows that social expectations had an 

impact on Leonce’s behaviour. “Furthermore in one of the daily newspapers appeared a brief 

notice to the effect that Mr. and Mrs. Pontellier were contemplating a summer sejourn 

abroad… Mr. Pontellier had saved appearances” Chapter thirty two highlights the 

importance of reputation (and preserving it) within Victorian society. 

However, for Edna, the ‘pigeon house’ represents everything that their “handsome” 

residence on Esplanade Street was not. “The Pigeon House pleased her. It at once 

assumed the intimate character of a home, while she herself invested it with a charm which it 

reflected like a warm glow.” As Spark notes suggests, “Edna's strength comes from her 

rejection of her social role. Her new house is more modest, and its small size disallows the 

en tertaining that was such a part of her former life.” Moreover, it is evident that the types of 

house the characters live in reflect their social status. Edna’s house on Esplanade Street is 

very much for the family, however characterising an element of falseness, as it is not the 

happy family home it seems. Although, in the Pigeon House, Edna is separated from society 

and is very much alone; thus highlighting her new thirst for independence. 

Both women fell in love very quickly with their husbands; in both cases Edna and Helen were 

fiercely independent and wanted to rebel against their parents. Contradictory to this, Helen 

accepted her role as wife and homemaker although she walked into an abusive marriage 

19

with a violent husband, whereas for Edna marriage merely wasn’t everything she expected it 

to be. Although it could have been a very happy marriage, as Leonce looked after Edna, she 

still continued to rebel and began to secede from her husband and neglect her children, 

resulting in negative emotional turmoil; the swan song leading up to her suicide. 

Similarities between the two protagonists become more conspicuous in the second part of 

the book, as Helen begins to search for a husband. Helen states that “For without approving 

I cannot love” and “I ought to respect and honour the man I marry as well as love him, for I 

cannot love him without”. This is reminiscent of Edna because she needs to have feelings in 

order for her to be in love. If she feels no passion or romance, she cannot commit herself. 

This is her justification for pursuing Alcee Arobin. She wanted romance and excitement – 

two of the attributes Leonce provide. On the contrary, Helen is again shown as the stronger 

character as she was presented with Mr Boarham a respected member of society that her 

Aunt approved of and was prepared to give her “everything” he thought she would desire. 

Despite this, Helen had the strength and forthright will to decline his hand in marriage, 

whereas it seems that Edna effortlessly agreed to marry Leonce; a rash decision, made only 

in passion. 

To conclude, Chopin and Bronte use Victorian society and how it impacts on their main 

protagonists to critique their position in 19 th century marriages. Both writers provide their 

novels with daring, thought provoking women to act as the catalyst to the main events within 

the narrative. ‘The Awakening’ gives us a pioneering heroine who undergoes a sexual 

awakening, epitomising the changing role of women. Helen in ‘The Tenant of Wildfell Hall’ 

presents the strongest expression of feminist ideas early in the novel. She and Gilbert 

debate over the sheltering of girls against the exposure of boys to the real world. The novel 

is a feminist novel; it voices Helen’s passions despite being initially narrated by a male 

character. Not only does this make Helen’s actions more credible but makes us put into 

consideration whether Bronte intended to imply that men could see that the roles of women 

were changing at the time as well. 

20


How do Kate Chopin and Anne Bronte use their protagonists to critique the position 

of women in conventional 19 th Century marriages? 

The 

task is appropriate and focussed: the position of women is narrowed down to the more 

manageable topic of the position of women in marriage. But it could make clearer which text 

is the core. Perhaps it would help to rephrase the task as follows: ‘With the emphasis on 

The Awakening, and with wider reference to The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, discuss the ways in 

which Chopin and Bronte use their protagonists to critique the position of women in 

conventional 19 th Century marriage’. 

AO1 Written expression is accurate and clear. The response is reasonably structured, 

though the final paragraph is rather disappointing and could have given more focus to the 

‘how’ in the task. It also gives too much weight to the partner text. There is a clear grasp of 

key concepts, though they are not always considered very deeply. There is some use of 

appropriate terminology, but this is limited because of lack of attention to AO2. Band 3/4 

borderline 

AO2 This is the weakest area. There is some discussion of the effects of language but 

generally this response neglects detailed critical analysis of techniques. There is, for 

example, very little reference to structure or narrative method. Band 2 

AO3 There are some clear, general similarities and differences mentioned in the body of the 

essay, though it is fair to say that some comparisons are discussed in more detail and 

explored to some extent towards the end. But here the focus is more on the characterisation 

than on ‘how’ characters are used to critique the position of women. The ‘explore’ aspect of 

AO3’s comparisons is not taken very far. More use could have been made of the partner 

text to ‘illuminate’ the reading of the core text. There are references to other readers (notably 

Metzger and Spark Notes) but these are not discussed as other ‘interpretations’ which might 

have informed the student’s response. Other readings should be engaged with. High Band 

2 

AO4 This is the strongest area. The essay begins with a detailed discussion of social and 

literary contexts, then goes on to make some specific and productive connections between 

the texts and their contexts. The problem is that context dominates the response to such an 

extent that other AOs suffer, particularly AO2. High Band 4 


21

LT2 SECTION B: CREATIVE READING 

Candidate A 

Stimulus text: Faulkner: Dry September 

22

A Lynching - 20th October 1894 

I 

The scene becomes a spectacle. 

No Ferris wheels or candy floss, 

No roller coaster rides, 

No coconut shies or freak shows, 

No acrobatic style. 

Instead a sole black body swings from 

left to right while people 

Stare and silent clap. 

Hi s fingers will become treasured things 

th at people twist in their hands, 

ov er and over. 

His toes will be their coins, 

kept in pockets as souvenirs of this common 

entertainment. 

His two ears will be thrown around 

like rolling dice. 

His body loses identity, 

is just one black shadow on the society. 

Hundred eyes now watch 

gouged out holes, 

where eyes once were. 

His sight is lost – 

the others were blinded before. 

II 

I know not why. 

I know only what, 

What I did not do. 

Did not touch nor look nor speak to her 

and now they do not think. 

They chased me down like 

A wild animal running from spitting hunters. 

I hid away, as if guilty, with 

No chance to defend. 

Yet they caught me, 

under the sticky leaves of the tree, 

under the spotted sky of ebony. 

M y heart jumped out of my mouth - a desperate attempt to 

escape certain fate. 

My hands stuff it back in, 

hiding my fear under my thick fingers. 

Momma always told me never to let them see 

that big ol' heart of mine - 

the whites'll just rip it straight out. 

23

Next day, my fate arrives. 

The rope wraps round, 

coarsely rubbing against my skin. 

They stare and stare 

Until all I see is eyes, 

lidless white eyes 

with black holes. 

III 

Consuming lies cannot leave her, 

Eating up her skin like a dusty fever. 

Sitting alone she doesn’t know 

W hat happened to the black man, dirty Negro. 

Prejudice runs through her veins, 

Created by the South where it never rains. 

No water to redeem them all, 

Religious morals no-one can recall. 

Lost in the rush to kill - 

Caught up in the swirling thrill. 

Her lie spread like quick fire 

And only he knew she was a liar. 

For he would never do nothing like that 

But now he was hung, still wearing his hat. 

Not one person opened their eyes 

To realise her stories were lies 

So now his wife uncontrollably wails and cries. 

You cannot take back what was said, 

so what was going through her head? 

One life cost with one lie 

One simple little word - why? 

IV 

He was leader of the pack, 

king of the cards, with a crown of 

desert-grown cactus thistles. 

His weather-beaten wrinkled skin, 

was worn in with tired anger. 

His sullen eyes stared upwards, with their 

Black circles sparkling with malice. 

Surrounded by identical men topped with bowler hats, 

he felt them breathe in unison, 

lik e a gust of wind blowing the body to and fro. 

Their bodies stood like white pillars, 

chalky and sturdy - above ground - 

not rooted to earth like the tree's tentacles 

which spread through the worms and rocks. 

It was done in the dust. 

24

Death, without worry. 

V 

The tree’s earthy base is covered in hardening dust, 

While the shadows cast spread across in darkening black. 

The men surround the tree with shirts of starched white, 

As sweat accumulates on necks from suffocating heat, 

Standing underneath a dense clouded sky of grey. 

Blank faces outside, whilst hearts inside heavily beat. 

One man watches from further back feeling for the black, 

Without being able to describe his thoughts of grey 

Which don’t fit into society’s rules of black and white. 

Surrounded by white faces covered in engrained dust 

He feels lost within the sea, he feels heated 

At being unable to change the world - he is beaten. 

VI 

I am the rope which hangs limpless on the tree. 

I am the rope which slowly works its way round your neck. 

Python-like I tighten my grip. 

Tighten, tighten, till my grooves cut grooves in your skin. 

You clutch at me desperately like I'm a parting lover: 

we are inseparable now. 

So close I feel your breath, 

which is starting to escape you. 

You start to rise with me, 

Start to lose breath, 

To feel pain, 

to be gone. 

No w you hang limpless on the tree. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

25

Commentary 

Having read William Faulkner’s ‘Dry September’, I was immediately inspired by the use of 

different narrative perspectives to portray one scene. My decision to write poetry meant that 

I was more stimulated by the subject matter than the style, choosing to centre my poetry 

around the lynching of a black man in America in the late nineteenth century. Moreover, the 

subject matter was chosen due to a newspaper article which detailed the appalling nature of 

lynchings, which included describing how the victims’ ‘ears, fingers and toes became 

souvenirs’ and furthermore, that some victims had their eyes gouged out. The subject was a 

challenging one, as it is a complex and emotional topic which still presents difficulties in 

today’s society. 

As usually a prose writer, the experimentation with poetry was a demanding experience as I 

found it difficult to shift my style into a more poetical approach. For example, the use of the 

word ‘prejudice’ in III caused me some difficulty as I discovered what a powerful word the 

abstract noun is, requiring the rest of the poem to withstand this. The use of the different 

perspectives meant that it was possible to meddle with various voices and narrative 

techniques. The difference between the black man’s voice in II and the rope’s narration in 

VI is startling; despite both poems being in the first person, the subtle simplicity of II 

contrasts the disturbing speech of the rope who appeals to the victim as ‘a parting lover’. 

Additionally, the use of different rhyming patterns created unique effects on the narrator’s 

manner. For example in III, with the woman who has falsely accused the black man, the use 

of trite rhyming couplets creates an uncomfortable sense of falsity. The use of rhetorical 

questions in that particular poem enabled me to address the reader and to stimulate 

questions for them in why the woman lied about what the victim did to her. I considered her 

words, ‘dirty Negro’, in depth as they are dreadful words for us in today’s society; however, 

I wanted to capture her particular voice and believe that those words achieved that. In a 

similar vein, in II, the narrator references his Momma’s saying, revealing parts of his past 

and the constant division in society which had been established. 

The imagery in the collection of poems was intended to have repeated themes which will be 

emphasised to the reader. The idea of contrast between black and white was significant, not 

just between the races but also in metaphorical terms, such as the contrast between the 

men’s white shirts and the tree’s shadows in V. The concept of eyes as an image was 

extremely important; having learnt that often victims’ eyes were gouged out, the connection 

between this and the moral blindness of the white perpetrators stuck in my mind. This 

image can be seen in I and II, for instance ‘His sight is lost –/ the others were blinded 

before’, combined with the close alliteration for emphasis. The pathetic fallacy in V is 

another expression of the tension and pressure within America at the time, which was an 

inspiration from ‘Dry September’, where the use of oppressive heat combined with ‘dust’ 

reflects this. The interjections of unusual details was another style literary technique which I 

was inspired to emulate; for example, the ‘recurrent surges of stale pomade and lotion’ in 

the short story or the ‘crown of/ desert-grown cactus thistles’ from IV. 

My decision to allow the victim of the lynching to have a narration of his own, in contrast to 

‘Dry September’, was to give the black man a voice in the history of the lynchings. Obstacles 

lay in getting each narrator’s manner correct, especially in the leader of the white men as I 

found it difficult to ascertain his exact expression; therefore, I moved more into description 

of his physical appearance and his senses, allowing the reader to infer his beliefs from this. 

To show the grey areas which is represented as the barber in ‘Dry September’, the man in V 

re veals an outsider who is swept up in the mob mentality and is unable to express his true 

26

disdain of what is occurring, due to his concerns for his own safety. The order the poems 

are presented was significant as well, with the finish on the rope’s perspective to leave the 

reader with an uneasy emotion, combined with the residues of violence. In addition, the 

rope’s addressing the victim as ‘you’ also seems to speak to the reader, placing the reader in 

an unusual position. 

The collection of poems attempt to represent the different perspectives of the significant 

events in America’s past, which is a constantly appropriate theme due to the perpetual 

racism which remains in modern society. 

27


Creative Writing Response: A Lynching – 20 th October 1894 

AO1 This is a creative response to the selected Faulkner short story in the way that the 

student has tried to go beyond the stimulus text by finding different viewpoints and different 

voices with which to treat the subject. The poem is carefully structured in six parts: part I 

setting the scene; part II giving the black man’s view-point; part III, the female accuser’s; part 

IV the lynch mob’s leader; part V, the bystander’s, caught up in the frenzy; and part VI, 

imaginatively giving the final part, the death, to the rope. On the whole, this works well and is 

effective because the different parts have been given distinctive forms and voices. Individual 

parts are also thoughtfully structured. For example, part I prepares the reader for the 

lynching by the repetition of the negatives and the contrasting section beginning with 

‘Instead’. The shocking nature of what is to come is underlined by the effective images made 

of casual words in the next verse, words such as ‘twist in their hands’, ‘kept in pockets’ and 

‘thrown around/like rolling dice’. Perhaps the play on eyes and moral blindness in the last 

verse of this section is more clumsily handled. Mostly the writer has a good sense of line, 

uses repetition effectively and some of the descriptions are especially vivid e.g. ‘under the 

spotted sky of ebony’. There are places where the writing is not so controlled; the last four 

lines of part III, for example, come close to doggerel – though the commentary attempts to 

justify this. The ending of the poem is very thoughtful; the rope as a parting lover, the 

shortening lines and then the quiet repetition of the opening line of this part. In places there 

is surely a degree of sophistication in the use of structure, form and language. Band 4 

17/20 

Commentary 

AO2 There is sound analysis and some evaluation of structure, form and language; 

however, the emphasis is on structure and form and it would have been useful to have had a 

little more close analysis of the effects of language. Although the claim is that the stimulus 

te xt inspired the response’s subject matter, there are also a few useful references to certain 

features of the stimulus text and the ways in which they have affected the style and narrative 

approaches of the poem. Band 4 

AO4 This student refers to one Faulkner story whereas we would expect reference to more 

than one story. This approach limits discussion of the context of the stimulus text which is 

barely touched on in the commentary. Nevertheless, there is some discussion of the 

contextual influence of ‘Dry September’ and mention made of an influential newspaper 

article. What other ideas influenced the attitudes and intentions of the poem are only briefly 

touched on. And it would have been interesting to learn why someone who calls herself 

‘usually a prose writer’ chose this long poem form. Generally, this commentary addresses 

AO2 effectively but pays less attention to AO4. 

Low Band 3 

Commentary mark 15/20 

Final Mark 32/40 Low Band 4 

28


Candidate B 

Stimulus text: McEwan: Atonement 

29

Foolish Affairs 

Dearest John, 

I know I have not written for a while, but after the incident this summer I felt that it 

would be easier on mother if I did not have contact with anyone in the family, at least until 

Christmas, when I felt you all would be in a particularly giving mood. I have missed you 

deeply though; and it has broken my heart not to be able to talk to you, especially in a time 

where I have needed a stable rock to cling in this new ocean of unfamiliarity. But let us not 

suffocate in intricate mistakes we cannot repair… How is life? And your Wife? I assume the 

baby has been born by now and hope all is well with both of them, although I’m certain you 

are making the most marvelous husband and father, with your vigilant and altruistic manner. 

As for myself, after a challenging beginning to this semester, things began to pick up and I 

cannot imagine life as anything but a student. Cambridge Colleges are thoroughly radiant 

and Kings is no exception. Oh you would love it here! The eastern cloisters of the college – 

dozen of stone washed bricks – elevate the dorms like an architectural Saint Christopher; 

the symmetry of the nostalgic never-ending promenade somehow reminds me of the 

imperishable taste of milk chocolate although I have no idea why! Laid out neatly before the 

building, the blades of grass in the fields between the river and Kings bow down before its 

elegant, well-proportioned perfection. Just being here makes me laugh at my frivolous 

anxiety about coming here. The whole town itself is a monument of youthfulness, given away 

by subtle hieroglyphs: the wind-swept flyer that joyously and unselfconsciously dances 

along; the scars of carelessly cast circles of chewing gum; the short bursts of buzzing chatter 

between lectures and the youthful clicks of bicycle chains which feel like being tickled in the 

crease of your elbow. Here, the ambiance is so thick with ambition and promise it is 

practically edible! The whole town is gorgeous, and there are so many things I could show 

you, were you ever to visit me. 

As I’m sure you can tell, I’ve fallen in love with Cambridge, although our love has not been 

exclusive. It happened in the second week of term, after I had accidently over-slept and 

missed the beginning of my first lecture. Knowing it was better to miss it than face the 

embarrass ment of arriving late, and determined not to be late for my next lecture, I decided 

to head int o town. The humble tranquility of the mid-lecture silence was broken only by the 

chime of my worn heels and the more audible and confident thump of two tan leather deck 

shoes. Compared to my dainty steps, the shoes seemed to take steps of monstrous 

proportions. The man in the shoes was tall and confident, and, although I tried to avert my 

eyes from his burning gaze, there was a tacit, mutual desire for each other that would have 

been obvious to onlookers, had there been anyone else in the street. When I could help 

myself no longer, I became transfixed by his maintenance of the undulating stride and a 

supercilious stare that gazed above the distant horizon, causing his head to marginally tilt 

30

toward the heavens. As we got closer to passing one another, our paces slowed as if our 

feet had a mind of their own, and we made eye contact that remained unbroken until we 

were no longer in front of one another. Despite the unusual wideness of Kings Parade, we 

passed with such proximity, I would only have had to turn my head to kiss him. 

I didn’t, of course, but I did see him again that evening in a bar, conversing with someone I 

knew relatively well. With a new sense of intrepidity – brought on by the morning’s glance 

and my ever-growing love for Cambridge – I sauntered over and introduced myself to him, 

but no sooner had I, then my acquaintance abandoned me with him. It didn’t matter as I think 

he remembered me, and so we got talking. Jeff, I learnt, had vehement and intransigent 

disagreement with the war. I don’t know why I chose to talk about such political issues with 

him rather than the normal pleasantries, but I felt I already knew him and was more 

interested in him showing me the confident side that had attracted me so much in the 

cobbled streets. In hindsight, I guess this was foolish; had I asked him the obvious question 

of “what are you majoring in?” I would have found out that he was not a mature student like I 

had assumed but a professor. I didn’t, however, and our hours long chat that night began our 

beautiful if foolish affair. 

His self-assurance had cajoled me into immediately falling for him, but - like giving into the 

craving for cake and having to face the hard work at the gym later – the momentary pleasure 

was forgotten and replaced by the consequences of my weakness… 

Word count: 859 

31

Commentary 

“Like giving into the craving for cake and having to face the gym later.” In this opening 

extract of an unwritten book, much is revealed and foreshadowed about the rest of the novel. 

Inspired by Ian McEwan’s Atonement, I based my extract around the theme of Forbidden 

Romance – much like Cecilia’s and Robbie’s – using careful characterisation and vivid 

descriptions of scenery to make the relationship between a professor and student as exciting 

as possible. 

By setting the novel in Cambridge, the traditional image that is portrayed is immediately 

juxtaposed 

with the scandal of the affair between a married lecturer and a student. Also, as 

Cambridge is a small community, based mainly around the University – often described as 

the Cambridge bubble – when the details of the relations surface, they spread quickly due to 

the close-knit society, creating more shock and exclusion because everyone knows. In this 

unfinished letter, I have particularly tried to make the place seem heavenly using ethereal 

vocabulary such as “elevate”, “radiant”, “imperishable” and “perfection”. This is emphasised 

by the biblical allusion of “Saint Christopher”, which is effective because the simile linking to 

the support of Jesus against a raging river creates a divine image by relating the buildings to 

Jesus. Furthermore, the magnificence of the building is also exaggerated by the 

personification as “the blades of grass… bow down.” The contrast between the tall buildings 

and the flat, plain greenery illuminate the buildings grandness and by talking about “Blades” 

as if they were individuals, it’s as if there is a population of people in awe of the building. The 

scandal therefore becomes more abnormal because it takes place here. Through her 

description of the city, it also denotes how ignorant she is to the outside world. She refers to 

Cambridge being a “town” twice in this letter, when it really is a city. This shows her lack of 

recognition of the real world. 

In addition to my descriptions, I tried to develop the plot by making it an improbable couple, 

shown though careful characterisation, although it was difficult to layer a character is such a 

confined word restriction. Jeff, the professor, is portrayed as being confident. In their first 

encounter, he had an “undulating stride and a supercilious stare that gazed above the 

distant horizon, causing his head to marginally tilt toward the heavens.” The sibilance of this 

quote gives an early indication of his later deception and slyness by resembling the sound of 

a snake’s hiss. Also, the end of the quote shows how he looks down his nose at people and 

the word “heavens” not only displays that Josephine, the author of the letter, thinks Jeff is 

heavenly, but it also alludes back to the beginning of the extract suggesting that maybe the 

reason why she finds Cambridge heavenly is because of him. In contrast, Josephine 

32

appears shy, small and naïve. This is first shown through her similes, for example when 

describing the college as being like “the imperishable taste of milk chocolate.” Besides 

showing us how much she adores Cambridge, this portrays Jo as childish, as chocolate and 

other sweets are principally eaten by children as most adults grow out of their sweet tooth. 

Another simile she uses is that the click of bikes “feels like being tickled in the creases of 

your elbow.” Being tickled and giggling again creates an image of childish amusement. Even 

the reason for her first sighting of Jeff makes her seem shy and childishly unorganised; she 

misses the start of her lecture by lying in and can’t “face the embarrassment of arriving late.” 

Hence, she does not like drawing attention to herself. The language of the piece at first 

seems odd but what I was trying to demonstrate was – through her word choice of “subtle 

hieroglyphs”, “frivolous anxiety” and “vehement and intransigent disagreement” - Josephine 

trying to appear more mature than she is, and display a new found intellect by using this 

overly elaborate and complex vocabulary. This, in fact, only makes her seem more 

immature, like a child trying on her mother’s high heels. Indeed, the difference in the 

personalities is shown through the symbolism of their walk. While her “dainty steps” create a 

“chime”, his “monstrous stride” creates a “thump”. The juxtaposition between the chime and 

thump emphasises, in addition to their difference in size, status and confidence, the fact 

immediately showing that Jeff will be the dominant half of the relationship. The word choice 

“monstrous” also foreshadows how Jeff may treat Jo later in the novel. Using the steps to 

symbolise personality traits or emotions may have become a motif in the novel, although (as 

I stated earlier) with just 750 words, I did not have space to have it reappear. 

An equally important aim was to make the author untrustworthy (much like Briony in 

Atonement), as this immediately makes the work more readerly; it is the reader’s choice as 

to how far they believe Josephine. Moreover, by writing it as a letter about what has 

happened, it gives Jo the benefit of hindsight and the opportunity to foreshadow future 

events in the novel. In real time they are actually in the past, Josephine just hasn’t spoken 

about them yet! For example, it is hinted that before leaving for Cambridge, there was 

trouble at home – “mistakes we cannot repair” – and this conversely makes Jo’s apparent 

kindness and innocence questionable, because she must have done something to make her 

feel she had to give her family space, and for them not to write or visit. The curiosity growing 

for the reader is embellished by the ellipsis, which creates a pause in which the reader has 

time to envision what might have happened. This is quickly followed by “And your Wife?” By 

avoiding personalising her by giving her name, it suggests she feels contempt for the 

woman, possible hinting at the cause of the fight in the family. This is emphasised by the 

capitalisation of Wife as if that is her name, or at least all Jo thinks about her; she’s just the 

wife to her brother, nothing more. Furthermore, by having an unreliable author, other things 

33

are brought to question: when Jo speaks of a “tacit, mutual desire”, she might have been 

trying to make herself believe that there was an immediate attraction – love at first sight – 

when really there wasn’t, and when she “think[s] he remembered me,” she might be 

misjudging his politeness of answering her questions, as it is unrealistic to believe he would 

remember every single (insignificant) student he walks by. 

In conclusion, I have tried to make my extract interesting and readerly through use of an 

unreliable author, contrasting characterisation and by setting the action in such a prestigious 

place as Cambridge, so that when Josephine indulges in her “cake,” the consequences are 

more exciting and even more dire. 

Word Count: 1062 

34


Creative Writing Response: Foolish Affairs 

AO1 This is quite a shaped response; as the letter develops, so more is revealed about the 

writer’s reasons for excitement and for being in love with Cambridge. It begins with 

pleasantries and an account of the place and then becomes more personal and self- 

This is also thoughtfully structured in terms of its position as the opening of the 

revealing. 

novel. Some questions about the past are raised and suggestions of what might be 

foreshadowed offered. The language seems deliberately chosen for a purpose. We learn 

from the commentary, that the language is meant to reveal a rather pretentious and 

immature person and, to some extent, this is achieved. The problem is that the formality is 

overdone and the language does not give the reader a sense of the period in which this 

novel might be set. The reference to ‘the war’ suggests the setting is contemporary but there 

are few clues to this in the style of the letter writer. There are also few details in the 

descriptions of the place which suggest the contemporary world. The description of 

Cambridge is rather generalised and vague. There is an interesting use of similes, some 

more successful than others. Despite the explanation in the commentary, the reference to 

‘Saint Christopher’ remains unconvincing. The writing is controlled, and generally accurate 

and clear. 

Low Band 4 16/20 

Commentary 

AO2 This commentary is in excess of the suggested word count. There is detailed analysis 

of the language of the core text and its effects, supported by the confident use of terms such 

as personification, similes and symbolism. There is also evidence that the writer has thought 

ab out how this letter might function as the opening to a novel, so there is some attention to 

structure. However, there could have been more attention given to the structure of the letter 

itself. It is not quite clear how the ‘untrustworthy narrator’ has been achieved. There is a 

tendency in the commentary to read more into the effects of the writing than might actually 

have been noticed by the reader. Although the emphasis quite rightly falls on the student’s 

own writing, there could be a little more reference to features of the stimulus text and how 

they might have influenced the creative response. 

High Band 3 

AO4 There is an emphasis on Cambridge as a contextual influence on the style and 

ambience of the letter. Though the descriptions are rather vague and generalised and one 

doesn’t get much of a sense of Cambridge as a real place. The commentary suggests this is 

deliberate to some degree (to reveal aspects of the letter writer’s personality and as part of 

the Romance theme), nevertheless it is hard not to imagine that someone actually in 

Cambridge wouldn’t be more aware of the present realities of the place. Perhaps some 

research would have helped here. Generally, the commentary concentrates on AO2, so that 

there is much less attention to the contextual influences on the writer’s ideas and style. 

There is also no mention of the context of the stimulus text. More could also have been 

written about the contextual influences of the stimulus text on the creative response. This is 

the weaker of the AOs. Band 2 

Mark for Commentary 12/20 


35


Candidate C 

Stimulus text: Fitzgerald: The Great Gatsby 

36

The last tube train 

It was nearly 2AM, and Jan was about to miss the last tube train. He had stayed out too late 

and was sluggishly drunk, his vision blurred and his movement slow. The tunnels leading to 

the tube platforms seemed like a labyrinth to him; he staggered around corners, down stairs 

and up escalators, searching in vain for the westbound train to Hammersmith. 

He knew, at the back of his blurring, swimming mind that he was going to pay for this in the 

morning. He had to be in Hampstead, right on the other side of the city, to start a construction 

job at 7 in the morning. He hoped his supervisor wouldn’t notice his bleary eyes, or be too 

angry. More xenophobic than most, the boss told his building team to ‘F*** off home to 

Poland’ at every available opportunity. 

The tinny sound of jazz music drifted out of one of the tube alleys. Jan loped towards it, 

hoping to ask for directions from someone. But the busker playing the jazz music was already 

asleep – or passed out – under a big black bin bag, the dulcet tones of Louis Armstrong 

flitting out of the CD player through his dreams. 

Baffled, the young man found himself again at the entrance to the tube station, no closer to 

reaching his destination. He resigned himself to walking home, or at least trying to find a 

night bus. The tube entrance had been quiet before, but the hall was now crowded with a 

group of teenage boys, leaning in a nonchalant yet menacing way against the walls. 

He thought of asking for directions, but thought better of it. The boys faces were almost 

completely covered, their heads lowered, sinister black hoods concealing their identity. He 

stumbled out of the station, trying hard not be noticed. But his feet were unsteady, and he 

tripped over, toppling to the ground. 

The boys looked up. They jeered at the pathetic sight of a dishevelled, semi-conscious man 

wincing on the concrete floor. They circled him, laughing at his weak attempts to stand back 

up, kicking him as he tried to struggle to his feet. Jan yelled, cursing at the children to leave 

him alone. Couldn’t they tell he had a job he needed to get to the next morning? What kind of 

country was it where young children kicked and jeered at an innocent man, gleeful at his 

humiliation? He closed his eyes and remembered the day he stepped onto the bus in 

Bialystok, afraid but full of excitement and hope, and a strong feeling in his heart that 

everything would be better in England, that he could follow his dreams. 

A final, sharp kick in his chest left him winded and gasping on the floor, unable to move. A 

dozen bellowing youths sprinted out the train station, roaring with laughter. And Jan was left 

alone on the floor of the tube station, still hoping he would not be late for work the next 

morning. 

37

Commentary 

At first, this short story may seem to have little to do with The Great Gatsby. I 

originally intended to set it in America. However, I decided that I wanted to set the story in a 

completely different environment that I was able to relate to more closely, but to address 

some of the common themes at the same time. I wanted to show that in a way, the message of 

the novel is universal. 

In the same way that Gatsby idealises Daisy, Jan idealises England. He sees it as 

beacon of hope and opportunity, somewhere to start afresh. Gatsby thinks that life with Daisy 

will be perfect and pure; he instils in her a lofty perfection which she cannot live up to. Both 

characters discover that they cannot reconcile the reality of their situations with their dreams. 

I used the flashback device, a technique often used in The Great Gatsby, to recall happier 

times and underline the difference between Jan’s image of England and the reality. 

I also wanted to portray a sense of hopelessness in my story. The imagery of the tube 

tunnels and the use of words like ‘sluggishly’, ‘blurring’ and ‘slow’ is intended to evoke a 

sense of inertia. Jan seems to be moving through life aimlessly, his only goal to arrive for 

work on time each day. The line ‘He staggered around corners, down stairs and up escalators’ 

shows the pointlessness of his life. The word ‘labyrinth’ implies a never ending and 

frustrating quest. Jan thought that his journey would end happily in England, but he is still on 

a journey that doesn’t appear to be leading anywhere. The tube station is a metaphor for his 

life. I was inspired by a line in The Great Gatsby - ‘Boats against the current, borne back 

ceaselessly into the past’ when writing this part of the story. Jan is floating through life, still 

clinging on to an idealised image. The description of his ‘swimming mind’ adds to this idea. 

Wealth and material excess is another important part of The Great Gatsby. The jazz 

music of Gatsby’s parties represented the hedonism of the Roaring Twenties. However, there 

was another side to 1920s America; one of poverty, racism and intolerance. Not everyone 

benefited from the economic boom. The jazz music playing from the busker’s radio is 

intended to represent the irony of Jan’s situation – he came to England searching prosperity, 

but found only poverty. The alliteration and hard plosives of ‘big black bin bag’ create a 

gloomy, dark image not normally associated with light-hearted jazz music. I also wanted to 

portray the intolerance towards foreigners that also existed in 1920s America. Jan’s rhetorical 

questions show his sadness and dismay at the cruel attitude of the teenage boys. The line 

‘more xenophobic than most’ shows that he is used to widespread hostility. I also wanted to 

evoke pity; the sibilance of ‘dishevelled, semi-conscious…wincing’ is intended to bring out 

Jan’s vulnerability. 

38


Creative Writing Response: The Last Tube Train 

AO1 The creative response is generally accurate and clear. It follows a drunken Polish 

immigrant attempting to find the correct platform in order to catch the last tube train of the 

evening only to be accosted by a gang of youths by whom he is badly beaten and left. The 

use of description creates some sense of character and his situation through phrases such 

as ‘sluggishly drunk’ and the use of setting, the station ‘seemed like a labyrinth’. The use of 

language creates fairly convincingly Jan’s ‘lostness’ in the early part of the story. Moreover, 

a sense of waste and disappointment is revealed through the use of backstory and the 

innocence of the protagonist. Much of the piece is rather clichéd, such as the xenophobic 

boss, the gang in their ‘sinister black hoods’ and the way that they lean in a ‘nonchalant yet 

menacing way’. The backstory of Jan’s hopes could have been implied rather than 

explained. It is a shaped response and clearly structured without being particularly ambitious 

while some of the areas discussed in the commentary aren’t clear enough for the reader, as 

with the jazz music for example. This seems a rather strained attempt to use the stimulus 

text. Generally, however, it is an appropriate creative response to ‘The Great Gatsby’. There 

could have been some change of pace and tension created with the threat of the youths as 

the narrative tends to meander on to the end of the story. Band 3 13/20 

Commentary 

AO2 The candidate is clearly aware of how language creates meaning and has some 

detailed discussion of this aspect in the third paragraph of the commentary. At times, too 

much is intended by some of the choices the writer has made, particularly in the use of the 

stimulus. The idea of the ‘swimming mind’ doesn’t seem to tie very clearly to the fact that Jan 

is floating through life. However, the consideration of ‘sluggishly’, ‘blurring’and ‘slow’ is clear 

and effective along with the use of the word ‘labyrinth’ to create the sense of being lost. 

There is some sense of form and structure through the use of flashback in order to create 

character and theme and the attempt to lead the reader towards a sense of pity for Jan. 

There is also a sense of how setting can be used in order to create meaning. The focus is 

clearly on the student’s own writing but the space given to the stimulus text is unfortunately 

foregrounded in the second paragraph. This commentary has a clear grasp of the writer’s 

use of language, some sense of structure and form and how they create meaning. Band 3 

AO4 There are some appropriate links between text and contexts and a good understanding 

of the significance of contextual factors. The stimulus text is used thoughtfully here with the 

use of the difference between reality and dreams and the use of the flashback. The context 

of the setting is also deliberately constructed to symbolise the character’s own life while the 

awareness of the flip side of twenties America is interesting as is the idea of prosperity and 

poverty. There does seem to be here though a rather tenuous link with the stimulus as the 

candidate seems more interested in some of the ideas not presented in the ‘The Great 

Gatsby’ so that the use of the stimulus, at times, seems to be an ‘add-on’. This is 

emphasised in the ‘intolerance towards foreigners in 1920’s America’ which is a 

questionable use of context. However, there is a clear sense of their own context in the use 

of immigrant workers and the gang of youths along with the context of the stimulus text 

through the roaring twenties and the jazz music. Band 3 

Mark for commentary 14/20 


39

Appendix 1 

LT 2 SECTION B: Guidance on assessing Poetry 

Some features to look for when assessing poems 

• How much attention has been paid to shape and structure? 

• Is the poem written in a particular stanza? This may be traditional or the writer’s own 

verse form. 

• Has the writer tried to shape material in a controlled way? 

• If the poem is written in free verse, how well does the use of lines match the writer’s 

meaning or communicate the writer’s effects? In other words, does the writer have an 

effective sense of line? 

• How has the poem been structured? Is the development controlled by narrative – 

chronology of event or experience – or has the writer used a central image or 

extended metaphor to hold the poem together? 

• How imaginative is the use of language? Are the images, the choice of words 

individual, original, startling, appropriate? How creative has the writer been in 

exploring ideas and experiences and making links? 

• Young writers are very aware of the sound (aural) features of language. How 

sensitively has sound been used? Has alliteration/assonance been overdone, used 

for its own sake? 

• Has rhyme been used unobtrusively mostly, obtrusively when necessary, or has the 

compulsion to rhyme driven the direction of the language and meaning? 

• Has sound been used to link words and expressions to shape intention and sustain 

coherence? 

• Do the words show rather than tell? Or if they tell, is the telling new or surprising? 

• How necessary are the last lines? Endings can be very difficult: there can be a 

tendency to explain all that has gone before, to find a moral, recapitulate or to finish 

neatly in a way which narrows down the scope and possibilities of the poem. So 

endings can undermine the success of the poem. 

Unlike prose responses, a poetry response will usually consist of a number of poems. (Of 

course, there will be some long poems submitted.) Assess positively: some poems may be 

stronger than others. Reward the strengths of the collection, bearing in mind the key 

words of the AO and using the grid to find a best fit. 

AO1 

Articulate creative, informed and relevant responses to literary texts, using appropriate 

terminology and concepts, and coherent, accurate written 

expression. 

40

Appendix 2 

Guidance on WJEC administration of coursework 

The 5 steps 

1. Centres are required to assess their students’ work by applying the relevant assessment 

grids, which appear in Appendix 3, and which also appear in the Teachers’ Guide and 

specification. 

2. It is vital that all candidates complete a coversheet and that both candidate and 

teacher sign the coversheet to authenticate the work. According to JCQ regulations, if a 

signature is missing, the centre is asked to obtain it, or risk a mark of zero for that candidate. 

3. Where possible, internal moderation should take place, with teachers, or just one teacher, 

moderating the work of colleagues by inspecting a sample. 

4. Once standards within the centre have been agreed, a sample of work must be selected 

and sent to the external moderator. Exams officers will receive moderator details. In 

addition to the work, a marksheet must be sent, listing the sampled candidates only, in rank 

order. The work must be sent by May 15. 

5. A moderator’s report on the work of the centre is sent to the Exams Officer normally by 

early September. 

For advice on how to select the sample, please consult the online Internal Assessment 

Manual: 

ht tp://www.wjec.co.uk /uploads/publications/2019.pdf 

Note: The moderator may contact the centre to request further samples, so you are advised 

to keep the rest of the candidates’ work, (those not sent off as the sample) complete with 

coversheets, together in a safe place. 

The coversheet and marksheet for recording the sample can be downloaded from the 

subject area of the website via these links: 

http://www.wjec.co.uk/uploads/publications/6369.doc 

http://www.wjec.co.uk/uploads/publications/6371.doc 

Candidates must record the word count for their responses, and for Section A include a 

bibliography where appropriate. 

While WJEC does not penalise for excessive length, we advise that candidates risk 

penalising themselves through a possible loss in focus and organisation. We suggest a 

tolerance threshold of 10%, although this is a rough guide only. For example, for a word 

count of 750 in Section B, we would tolerate an excess of 100-150, but candidates must 

appreciate that producing a much longer piece makes it difficult for moderators (and 

teachers) to ensure a fair assessment of all candidates’ work. 

There is no requirement to hand-write any of the work, and no particular requirements 

regarding word-processing in terms of such matters as line spacing or font. It is important 

that the work is easy to assess for both teacher and moderator. 

41

AS ENGLISH LITERATURE LT2 Section A Assessment Grid (Note: all AOs in this section have equal weighting:10 marks each) 

AO1 

AO2 

AO3 

AO4 

Arti culate creative, informed and Demon strate detailed critical Explore connections and Demonstrate understanding 

Ba nds Marks 

relevant responses to literary 

texts, using appropriate 

terminology and concepts, and 

understanding in analysing the 

ways structure form and 

language shape meanings in 

comparisons between different 

literary texts informed by 

interpretations of other 

of the significance and 

influence of the contexts in 

which literary texts are 

coherent, accurate written literary 

texts 

readers. 

written and received. 

expression 

Response to texts lacks 

Understands literary texts at a Struggles to make connections 

Describes wider context(s) in 

1 0-10 relevance, structure and creativity. superficial level. Comments on between texts, Limited personal which a text was 

produced, with 

Limited understanding of ideas, surface meanings with little response. Can describe other limited or no understanding of 

with little or no terminology. connection to language, form and 

views with limited or confused significance of contexts. 

understanding. 

Frequent errors in expression. structure. 

Makes some attempt to organise Beginnings of awareness of the Makes basic, usually valid Some awareness of what can 

2 11-20 a creative response, particularly link between language/form and connections 

between texts, constitute a context. 

towards the top of the band. meaning at the bottom of the stronger towards the top of the Beginning to grasp the 

Occasional, not always relevant band, stronger towards the top of 

band. 

importance of contextual factors 

use of concepts and terminology. the band. Sometimes supports 

Some personal response with 

in shaping literary works. 

Expression features some views by reference to the links 

increasing awareness through the 

Attempts to make links between 

inaccuracies, particularly marked between meanings and the 

band that texts may be 

text and contexts. 

towards the bottom of the band. author's 

technique, with less 

interpreted in more than one way. 

support towards the bottom of the 

band. Occasional implicit 

readings. 

Makes an appropriate creative Clear grasp of authors' use of Clear and appropriate 

Makes clear and appropriate 

3 21-30 response to texts. Clear grasp of form, structure and language to comparisons/connections 

links between text and contexts. 

key concepts. An increasingly create meaning. 

between texts, particularly Increasingly detailed knowledge 

shaped response with relevant 

Increasingly appropriate textual 

appropriate towards the top of the and understanding of the 

use of concepts and appropriate 

band. Increasing evidence that significance and influence of 

terminology. Written expression 

support. Shows an increasingly 

personal reading has been relevant contextual factors. 

generally accurate and clear, detailed 

critical understanding of informed by other relevant 

particularly towards the top of the texts and response to implicit 

interpretations. 

band. 

meanings. 

Creative, effectively structured Sound 

analysis and evaluation of Specific and productive 

Specific and productive 

4 31-40 and often individual response to writers' 

techniques. 

connections 

and comparisons connections between texts and 

texts, particularly towards the top Overview and detailed critical between texts. Clear and 

contexts. Sound, confident 

of the band. 

understanding of texts with confident 

judgements which appreciation of the significance 

Incr easingly confident grasp of 

concepts and use of terminology. 

increasingly confident handling of absorb other critical opinions, and and influence of relevant 

Written expression is accurate implicit 

meanings. 

show some 

sophistication at the contexts. 

and fluent. 

top of the band. 

42

AS ENGLISH LITERATURE LT2 Section B Assessment Grid 

Creative Response Commentary (Note: AO1 and AO2 have equal weighting: 10 marks each) 

AO 1 

AO2 

AO4 

Ar ticulate 

creative, informed and Demonstrate detailed critical 

Demonstrate understanding of the 

Bands Marks 

relevant responses to literary 

texts, using appropriate 

Marks 

understanding in analysing the ways 

structure, form and language shape 

significance and influence of the 

contexts in which literary texts are 

terminology and concepts, and 

meanings in literary texts 

written and received. 

coherent, accurate written 

expression 

Response to texts lacks relevance, 

Understands literary texts at a superficial Describes wider 

context(s) in which a 

1 0-5 structure and creativity. Limited 0-5 level. Comments on surface meanings with text was prod uced, with limited or no 

understanding of ideas, with little or 

little connection to language, form and understanding 

of significance of 

no terminology. Frequent errors in 

structure. 

contexts. 

expression. 

Makes some attempt to organise a 

Beginnings of awareness of the link Some awareness of what can constitute 

2 6-10 creative response, particularly 6-10 

between language/form and meaning at the a context towards the bottom of the 

towards the top of the band. 

bottom of the band, stronger towards the band. 

Occasional, not always relevant use 

of concepts and terminology. 

Expression features some 

inaccuracies, particularly marked 

top of the band. 

Sometimes supports views by reference to 

the links between meanings and the 

author's technique, with less support 

Beginning to grasp the importance of 

contextual factors in shaping literary 

works towards 

the top of the band. 

Attempts to make links between text and 

towards the bottom of the band. 

towards the bottom of the band. Occasional 

implicit readings. 

contexts. 

Makes an appropriate creative 

Clear grasp of authors' use of form, Makes clear and appropriate links 

3 11-15 response to texts. Clear grasp of 11-15 

structure and language to create meaning. between text and contexts. Increasingly 

key concepts. An increasingly 

Increasingly appropriate textual support. detailed knowledge and understanding 

shaped response with relevant use 

Shows an increasingly detailed critical 

of the significance and influence of 

of concepts and appropriate 

relevant contextual factors. 

terminology. Written expression 

understanding of texts and response to 

generally accurate and clear, 

implicit meanings. 

particularly towards the top of the 

band. 

Creative, effectively structured and 

Sound analysis and evaluation of writers' Specific and productive connections 

4 16-20 often individual response to texts, 16-20 techniques. 

between texts and contexts, most 

particularly towards the top of the 

Overview and detailed critical 

productive at the top of the band. 

band. 

understanding of texts with increasingly Sound, confident appreciation of the 

Increasingly confident grasp of 

concepts and use of terminology. 

confident handling of implicit meanings. significance and influence of relevant 

Written expression is accurate and 

contexts. 

fluent. 

43

WJEC ENGLISH LITERATURE

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?