Sexual Assault Advocate Training Manual - Texas Association ...

S E X U A L A S S A U L T A D V O C A T E T R A I N I N G M A N U A L
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
Knowing your rights and standing up for them may prevent you from being
sexually assaulted. Everyone has the right to set his/ her own standards for
sexual behavior and to resist pressure when those standards are violated. Do
not apply pressure on others to live up to (or down to) labels like: stud, foxy,
dude, wimp, frigid, whore, easy, prude, etc. It is not fair to give up your own
ideas, standards and needs just to be nice or to be liked by others. Know your
rights and do not apologize!
This requires relatively honest, clear and open communication between the
sexes and we must begin with men and women talking to each other more
frankly about sex, personal needs and limits. Everyone needs to begin rejecting
stereotypes that teach men to regard women only as sex objects and women to
see men as protectors and free rides. Equalize relationships - take turns being
in charge of things, and be ASSERTIVE without being aggressive.
Communicate expectations by asking (do not guess) what your dates’ or
friends’ desires are. Have ideas about the evening and communicate them
clearly, verbally and non-verbally (body language). Be direct and do not hint.
Express your ideas ("I think", "I feel", "I want"). Do not attack or put down
("the trouble with you is..."). Know your rights and do not apologize ("Gee,
I’m really sorry but..."). Speak clearly and directly (do not giggle, squirm, smile
a lot or whisper).
To be assertive means to express your ideas and needs clearly, to enforce your
rights without violating someone else’s, to disagree with others without putting
them down personally, and to be direct and to speak up for yourself. An
assertive statement is an honest expression of feelings, needs and rights said in
your own words, a way of working out differences and having more honesty
with others. The idea is not to win, but to work things out.
Make and declare your choices about sex - what you will and will not do, what
you expect from others, and say "yes" if you mean yes, "no" if you mean no,
and know the difference.
Men need to know that women do not think money buys them and that
dressing sensually does not mean that they want to have sex, and that, even if
she has had sex with him previously, she may choose not to do so again. For
some women, it is hard to be direct because they do not want to hurt the
man’s feelings. Women may enjoy sexual contact without sexual intercoursefriendship
with a man may or may not include sexual activity. Many women
feel that men want friendship with them only if it includes sex.
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