BILLY BUNTER'S Big Top Page 1 of 97 - Friardale

BILLY BUNTER’S Big Top
preferred to grip William George Bunter. His grip would have been deadlier.
He fairly hooted into the transmitter.
‘Bunter! Is that you, Bunter?’
‘Oh, is that you, Quelchy?’
‘What? What?’
‘Good morning, sir! Nice morning!’ came the fat voice over the wires. ‘I hope
you’re well this morning, sir! Not tired from your walk last night, what?’
Mr. Quelch would have ground his teeth had they not been an expensive set.
So that disrespectful young rascal knew that he had been out in search of him
the previous night!
‘Bunter! Where are you?’
‘Here, sir!’
‘Where, you stupid boy? Where are you—” Mr. Quelch nearly said: ‘Where
are you speaking from?’ which would have been twice in one day. But he
checked himself in time. ‘From where are you speaking, Bunter?’
‘Not Courtfield, sir! I’m miles and miles from Courtfield!’ came the fat voice,
rather hastily.
‘So you are in Courtfield!’ hissed Mr. Quelch.
It really was odd how people naturally assumed the opposite from any of
William George Bunter’s statements. The same experience must have fallen
to the lot of Ananias, Baron Munchausen, and George Washington.
“Nunno, sir! I’ve just said not! I—I’m speaking from Lantham! That is to say,
Canterbury! Canterbury, sir!’
You untruthful young rascal!’
‘Oh, really, sir—”
Return to the school at once. Bunter! Do you hear? You are to return to
Greyfriars immediately!’
I’m just going to speak about that, sir! Owing to circumstances, I shan’t be
able to come back to school this term.’
‘What? What? What?’
‘It’s only a few more days, anyhow, sir. We’re just on the hols. hope you won’t
mind if I start hols now.’
Certainly I shall mind! I shall mind very much! I command you to return
instantly, Bunter, and take the punishment that is due for your unexampled
audacity and disrespect and rebelliousness. I order you to lose not a moment
in returning to the school, where the severest possible punishment is awaiting
you!’
‘I didn’t catch that, sir.’
‘What?’
‘Would you mind saying that over again, sir?’
‘Bunter! I—I—I——”
‘The fact is, sir, I’ve got an engagement, a very important engagement. It’s
nothing to do with a circus.’
‘You are at the circus now!’ hooted Mr. Quelch.
Mr. Quelch felt that the telephone was an inadequate instrument. It did not
bring you sufficiently in touch with people. He wanted to be in much closer
touch with Bunter. He would have touched him hard.
‘No, nothing of the kind! I haven’t been to the circus at all. In fact, I haven’t
heard of one in these parts. But——”
‘Bunter, I command you to return to Greyfriars!’
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